Latest / The Original Self Podcast / Episode 15 Before The Rules: An Introduction to A Psychology of Food Series

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Episode 15 Before The Rules: An Introduction to A Psychology of Food Series · The Original Self Podcast

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Welcome to the Original Self Podcast. I'm Evet
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DeCota, owner of DeCota Life Coaching and a psychology-
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-informed life coach. I explore resilience, mindset,
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and the courage to become your authentic self.
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This is a space for honest conversations about
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growth, identity, relationships, and all the
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messy moments in between that shape who we become.
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Between the salon chair and coaching sessions,
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I've watched people move through life in patterns
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they rarely notice. Patterns that are subtle
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or familiar and incredibly hard to see from the
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inside. Today's episode is the beginning of something
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a little different. Over the next several weeks,
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I'm going to talk about food in many different
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ways. The more I study the psychology behind
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eating, the more I realize this isn't really
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a story about food. It's a story about how we
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lose ourselves around food and then how we find
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our way back. This is episode 15, Before the
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Rules. An Introduction to a Psychology of Food
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Series. Welcome back. As I said in the introduction,
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this is the beginning of a series on the psychology
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of food. We'll talk about food, but not in the
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way that you usually hear about it or how you
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might expect it to be spoken about. This series
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will not be about dieting, weight loss, meal
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plans, macros, supplements, or the latest nutrition
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trend. It's actually about identity. It's about...
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The stories we've been told or the systems we've
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been raised inside of. The biology we've inherited
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and the relationships many of us have that we've
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spent decades trying to fix without ever fully
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understanding where they came from surrounding
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food. At the center of every conversation in
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this series is one question. Who were you before
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you were told how to be around food? Who were
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you before you were introduced to diet culture?
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Before marketing? Before food shame? Before all
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the rules? Because I don't believe most people
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have a food problem. I believe most people have
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been living inside a food environment. that shaped
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their thoughts, their beliefs, their cravings,
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fears, and behaviors for so long that they forgot
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where the influences ended and where they begin.
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And as a side note, that includes me. At 56 years
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old, I've spent a lifetime being tossed around
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in, I don't know, a tornado of food rules, food
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fears, food trends, and all the unconscious messages
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that come with that. I'm not standing outside
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this conversation looking in. I've lived it inside.
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I've been inside of it my entire life. And like
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many of you, I'm still sorting through it. most
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of the reason why I want to do this. So it brings
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me to the question that started this entire series.
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Food has always fascinated me, not because I've
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had all the answers, but because I've watched
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so many people struggle with it. For nearly four
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decades, I've spent my days behind the salon
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chair and listening to people talk about their
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lives. I've listened to conversations about everything
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you can think of, marriages, careers, children,
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grief, aging, that's a big one, health, confidence,
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and always self -worth. But woven through almost
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all of those conversations, in one form or another,
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is food. Women promising themselves they'll be
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good, in quotation marks, this week. People talking
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about foods they aren't allowed to eat, red flag
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foods. And when they do eat them, they call it
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a cheat day. Mothers worrying about what their
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daughters think of their bodies. Daughters absorbing
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messages they never consciously agreed to carry.
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Successful, intelligent, accomplished people.
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feeling completely defeated by something as ordinary
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as lunch. I see it with people I work with. I
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see it everywhere. But over the years, I've noticed
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that people who struggled most with food were
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rarely lacking information. Most knew what carbohydrates
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and macros were. They knew, obviously, vegetables
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were healthy and that exercise mattered. They
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also knew most of the nutritional facts. about
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the food they ate. I could tell you on a lot
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of foods, the exact calorie count of those foods.
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Sometimes I can even tell you how much proteins
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in every single one of them. Yet most of us still
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feel trapped. And that's the observation that
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followed me into my psychology studies. When
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I returned to college and eventually completed
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my psych degree, I became increasingly interested
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in why we eat the way we eat. I'm not talking
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just nutritionally, but psychologically, emotionally,
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socially, culturally. Why do we eat the way we
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eat? The deeper I looked, the more I realized
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that food is never just food. Food is belonging.
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It's comfort. Food is identity. Memory. Right?
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They call it comfort food sometimes. Reward.
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I've had a really hard day. Food helps with grief.
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Stress. A lot of us are stress eaters. Food is
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celebration, especially how I grew up. And food
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is love. And when we reduce all of that complexity
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down to calories and willpower, We completely
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missed the story. That realization eventually
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became part of my academic work, my coaching
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work, and now this series. The more I learned,
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the less interested I became in asking, why can't
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we control ourselves? I became more interested
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in what exactly are people trying to control
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themselves against? That's the question that
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changed everything for me, and it was surprisingly
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simple. I started asking, why do intelligent
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and educated people struggle so much around food?
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It's not uninformed people or careless ones.
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It's intelligent, thoughtful, and disciplined
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people. They have built successful careers. They've
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raised families. They've earned degrees. They've
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managed businesses. They've overcome extraordinary
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challenges. So then why do so many of them still
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feel powerless around food? If information solved
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the problem, wouldn't it have been solved by
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now? We live in the most informed generation
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in human history. We have podcasts and books
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and documentaries, apps, nutrition labels, although
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those are questionable sometimes. We have health
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influencers, wearable devices, the Fitbit, your
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iWatch, or maybe it's just called the Apple Watch.
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We have endless access to information, and yet
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we have an increase in disordered eating, body
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dissatisfaction. And food confusion, it just
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keeps growing. I think at some point we have
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to ask whether information was ever the real
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problem. What if the struggle isn't happening
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because people don't know enough? What if the
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struggle exists because we've been taught to
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understand food through the wrong lens? What
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if the question isn't what's wrong with me, but...
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What happened to me? I think that question changes
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everything because it shifts our minds from blame
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to curiosity. I've been taught that where curiosity
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lives is where the information is and healing
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can begin. So I've organized this series into
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three different parts. The first part is called
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The System. These episodes look outward. They
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explore how the modern food environment was built,
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how food companies learned to shape our behavior,
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how children became marketing targets, and how
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convenience, consumption, and profit become deeply
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woven into everyday eating. These are the episodes
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that answer the question, what happened around
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us? The second part is called The Body. These
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episodes look inward. They explore the gut -brain
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connection and reward pathways. We'll explore
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hormones and menopause and the many biological
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systems that influence our relationship with
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food. I'm talking about cravings, appetite, alcohol,
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metabolism, and why our bodies often respond
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in ways that have far more to do with biology
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than willpower. Willpower is a very dirty word.
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These episodes answer the question, what is happening
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inside of us? The third and final part is called
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the self. This is where everything comes together.
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We'll discuss body image, self -worth, and intuitive
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eating. And then we'll move on to why we experience
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food guilt and perfectionism. I'll even explore
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the rare topic of masculinity and food. The last
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part explores food as self -care and the complicated
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ways food becomes tied to identity. These episodes
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answer the question, who am I underneath all
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of this? So you have the system, the body, the
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self. Three layers leading to one journey back
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toward understanding ourselves. Every episode
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in this series returns to the same place. The
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authentic self that existed before all of the
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noise. Before food became a moral issue. Before
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eating became a performance. Before every meal
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carried anxiety. judgment, guilt, or negotiation.
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Before food became something we fear. Babies
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and children know how to eat. They know hunger.
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They know fullness, curiosity. They know satisfaction.
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But then the world begins talking. At a young
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age, we are bombarded with advertisements, diets,
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family messages, the newest health trends like
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I talked about before. What's dangerous and what's
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healthy until science disproves that? We are
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alarmed by the rules, the fears and the shame
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that follow a diagnosis or a weight gain, and
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in some cases, a weight loss when someone can't
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afford to lose any more. I believe that many
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are exhausted by the constant expectations that
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society, and often we ourselves, place on food.
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Rather than increasing awareness, those expectations
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make it harder to recognize and trust our own
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body's signals. We become disconnected from trust
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our bodies, essentially from ourselves. This
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series is not about becoming perfect, disciplined,
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smaller, or even becoming someone new. It's about
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uncovering the person who existed before all
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of that conditioning arrived. It's about returning
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to the question once again, who were you before
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you were told how to be around food? Before the
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rules, before the shame, before all the noise.
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There was a version of you that knew how to eat.
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It's your original self. In our next episode,
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we're starting with the food itself. We'll explore
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how hyperpalatable foods were engineered, why
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they affect the brain the way they do, and why
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the struggle so many people experience with food
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has nothing to do with willpower like they've
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been led to believe. That's next time in episode
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16, the engineered plate, how hyperpalatable
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foods are designed to defeat you. But until then,
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I'd like to leave you with one thought. Before
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the food industry, before the diets, before the
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shame, and before the rules dictated to us, there
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was a version of you that knew how to eat. how
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to trust your body, and how to respond to hunger
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without fear. The goal isn't to become someone
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new. It's to remember who you were before all
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of this told you who to be. I want to thank you
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for being here at the beginning of this journey.
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And thank you for listening to the Original Self
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podcast. If today's conversation resonated with
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you and you felt ready to explore your own growth,
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You can learn more about working with me in the
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episode notes of this podcast. I'll see you next
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time. I hope you have a great day.