Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / A Loving Relationship Works When You Practice These Six Ingredients | S5 EP124

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A Loving Relationship Works When You Practice These Six Ingredients | S5 EP124 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back, everybody, to another episode of Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, ladies and gentlemen, we did have a little bit of a break.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: We had a new season.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this is a new season, season five officially.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome and thank you.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: We continue to upgrade this podcast, make it a little bit more fancier for y'all.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And speaking of fancy, I am the one, the only HH Julius Marquis, and for the less fancy people, just Julius.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you'll be noticing if you're listening to the podcast, there's a little bit more ad break going on.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: We are looking for sponsors, and we would like to have partnerships and all that and get extra extra fancy.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you want to get fancy, click on the things and support the show.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you know you're watching and you enjoy all the flickering lights and uh the background that you see behind me, and you enjoy all that, then don't click.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's up to you.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: But season five is officially commencing.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the end of spring, beginning of summer, something like that.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And once again, we have a non-sponsored ASMR 5 seconds brought to you by uh Fruited Sour Triple from Berry Monkey Victory Brewing Company.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is um for the YouTube people, this is not a drink, um, non-adult beverage that we'll be condensing in a ASMR five to two seconds in three, two, one.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm coughing because of allergies.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, that's totally what it is.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, ladies and gentlemen, please, if you can, if you're on the um podcast things, this is a call to action, review it.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh comments if you're on Spotify.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't know what they do on iTunes, but we post on there.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: But if you can comment below and review it and all that stuff, and if you're on YouTube, please like, subscribe, and comment below as well.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, enough of all that business.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I only have so much time, and y'all know camsters that I only get to so much of my things.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: So here we go.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode with no um leading on and uh all that different things, and no no um blowing it up.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: It is the six essential ingredients of loving relationships, according to Dr.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Saren Nazarzade.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I said it, nailed it.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, once again, we'll put the links below.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is off a uh TED Talk that I saw on the TEDx channel, and then also linking uh her paper about it.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it was very interesting, especially for the uh around the kinky campfire world here, that uh we talk about relationships, and I want to talk about the essential ingredients for loving relationships.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's always go back to the basics and start from there and then work our way up.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we will add all the um spicy stuff that we can on top of it.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um for right now we have what Dr.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sarah has uh said, and um here we go.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: The six essential ingredients um are needed for a thriving, lasting relationship.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, of course, that's what we want.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, there is attraction, respect, trust, compassion, shared vision, and loving behaviors.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So there's gonna be a bunch of different uh terms being used here.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, it is uh starting with the objective and going to the subjective.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So fill in the blank of whatever term you want, and I'll I'll use some as well.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, these are just generalizations that we have for uh everybody, and I've lost my notes, and we are going to talk about it here, and uh hopefully everybody will learn something once again.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Feel free to do your own research.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is um my podcast, so I will speak my mind uh based on facts going uh for the most part, and then of course, my opinion and experience will be layered on top of that.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: But we start out with facts here at the campfire.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, okay, so needless to say, these elements apply to intimate partners, family, and work.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So just cover all the bases, does not have to be a just a uh romantic relationship, ingredients of loving relationships.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do you love your boss?
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, some people do.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not gonna lie, there are people out there.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: It is a thing where they have um close friendships with their uh co-workers and superiors, and that is a thing.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't do that, but some people do.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: This provides a framework for connection and navigating challenges together.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, once again, can be all those different types of relationships.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be just your romantic partner, your butt buddy, uh however you call them.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh let's see.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: These factors create a secure, supportive environment where both partners or co-workers or family members feel safe, valued, and able to grow together.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So let's see here.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Big thumbs, and I'm trying to click the things, and it won't let me.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: No relationship is perfect, but there are some key elements necessary to create a healthy relationship.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we know this is all the buffer stuff.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: We got all that.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Basics of a great relationship, great examples, evidence, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all don't care about any of that stuff, so we will go ahead and skip to all of this here.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, evidence everyone can and deserve to be in a loving relationship they desire, even if it's a work relationship.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I would like to be loved.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Loved?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Weird word for talking about work.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get into it because we are running out of time.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Number one attraction.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Other words for attraction.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Intimacy?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I don't know how you would do that at work.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's uh interesting.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this goes beyond physical appearance to include social, intellectual, and shared values.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It involves appreciating the attributes of your partner and fostering mutual curiosity.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that is the definition as uh this definition of attraction when we're talking about key uh parts of a loving relationship.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so just to boil it down, we can apply it to all those different kinds of relationships.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just talk about um partners and our and also dynamics.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So we're talking about um the BDSM role.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: So the main ones, of course, um uh master slave and dominant submissive, whatever agenda you uh uh represent as or present as.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, yeah, so we'll keep it generalized to that when we're talking about the essential parts of relationship.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh there's reciprocal liking.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You like me, I like you back for all the different kinds of things, and we have talked about all the six main types of attraction here on the campfire.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Talked about that before.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So, this is a great starting point here that we talk about attraction because we know there are the six types.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, sexual, romantic, uh intimates.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see here.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I can do this, I can do this, physical or aesthetic.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, the ones I the two I always forget.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: I always remember those four, and I forget the other two.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh good lord.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh intellectual, of course, I forget the ones that I am intellectual or how people think, or my number one.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: The demi or emotional or how somebody's personality is.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, those are the six main um, as far as we are concerned here at the campfire.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what we're talking about when we're talking about attraction, all these different things.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, we're talking about partners andor um role people, um, whatever side of the slash you're talking about, BDSM um romantic partners and BDSM partners.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: We'll do that, just boil it down, make it even more simple.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just the simple fact that I like you and you like me.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, intimacy and affection.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: This includes physical touch, romantic intimacy, and emotional closeness.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, yep.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so uh romantic intimacy, physical touch.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I smack your butt or bite your butt cheek or just your back.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: That means I like you.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm attracted to you.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know that is for me.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Julius here talking about these kinds of things, which is very interesting.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that they put that on there.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, number one, attraction.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: You must be attracted to your person as a key ingredient in a loving relationship.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: The very um, we'll use the very broad term of loving.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh extreme liking.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just wanting to be around that person.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, that's a love language, too.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, quality time.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: What brings you around this person and wants to keep in communication with this person?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: There you go.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Loving relationship.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it is there.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, you must be attraction.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there is a thing here that they put in this uh article they talk about.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very interesting because they say absence of physical violence, which is, I'm gonna assume they mean non-consensually, because as we know here, us kinksters like us in physical violence.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: If it's consensual, consensual violence in the form of spanking, and that leaves bruises.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, goodness.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Act from a need to control and dominate a need.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: That is the thing there.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: I do not like, do not use need.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Consensual dominance, hand submission.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Consensual.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we do prick here, personally responsible informed, consensual kink.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we do here.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, also, rack will work.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Uh risk aware, consensual kink.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: So, risk aware, personally responsible.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Those kind of things.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you're doing that, then the violence is okay as far as Julius is concerned.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Consensual.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you fear your partner in any way, it's time to end a relationship.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, there are times when you go too far, and that's when the relationship needs to end.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's uh when the boundaries are pushed, when the red is called, safe word, and uh yeah, you're just not uh feeling it anymore, the vibe is gone, the ick is there, all those different kinds of things.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So we gotta remember about that when we are talking about attraction, because the attraction can be just like love, um, taken away.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Consent can be taken away.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Those are all different things that can happen.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let us remember that, uh, folks, okay, when we're talking about a loving relationship.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, moving right along.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Respect.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, if you do not respect your partner in whatever format it is, I know I make the arguments that um they ain't gonna last too much longer.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna tell you right now, that's where all the bad stuff starts to happen.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: When you lose respect for your partner, this part ooh, that shit sucks.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's see here prioritizing what matters to your partner, honoring boundaries, and valuing their perspectives even during a disc agreement.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: So if you cannot have empathy and respect and boundary um following, adhere adherence to boundaries, we got a problem, folks.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: We got a problem.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that I I would say this needs to be like the the beginning or the end.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: You need to lead up to the respect part.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's number two on here, so it should be like number one or number five.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: I get it in the um steps towards leading, because you you know you gotta be attracted and you gotta respect them.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: But once you lose that respect, I'm I'm I'm saying, like, they don't really say this a lot when they're talking about like divorces and like breaking up and stuff like that.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, once that respect is gone, that's just that's just it's just downhill from there.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's a very uh important point there.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: When we're talking about respect, you gotta boundaries and uh it's ugly when it doesn't uh work out.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do you lead by your own principles?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you respect boundaries?
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, hurts so bad when we're talking about that.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: The boundary um disillusion disillusionment?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, the whatever it is, the word where it just falls apart there.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just crumbles once you uh don't respect those boundaries anymore.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just eh, relationships pretty much over at that point.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: I would say here, um, okay, support and individuality, healthy balance where partners support each other's personal growth and interests outside the relationship rather than relying on one person for all your needs.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's back into the non-monogamy talk where you're not respect uh not um relying on one person to fulfill all your needs.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I would argue here supporting each other's growth, personal growth, um, once that stops happening, that that's a sign of the loss of respect when you don't support your partner in any way.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not just in the growth way, but yeah, you should uh support your partner.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't, then uh yeah, another argument that the relationship is probably gonna end.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh, so gross.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Partners encourage and support one another in healthy relationships.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: So if that doesn't happen, then the relationship is gone.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Speeding a little bit through, because of course Julius is running out of time.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, here we go.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: Lack of respect breeds resentments.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just I'm just gonna stop there.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Lack of respect breeds resentment.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you resent your partner, you might end up disrespecting him.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's all lining up here, very linear uh in this um discussion.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Consider each other in decisions that affect the relationship and maintain an equal balance of power.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So for that one, if you're not considering your partner, not just in decisions, but in general, that's not good, people.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that leads to another point of uh respect there.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is also good for me.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm talking myself, even though I'm talking to y'all, because I have made this mistake.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let me not stand on a pedestal or anything.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Please let me know if you think that in the comments on the Instagrams and all the different social medias and the YouTubes and uh Spotify iTunes, whatever it is.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to come from that point.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let me make that clear right now.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all in there with y'all.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the muck with y'all to dude.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: All Ip in the muck, okay?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm right here, right here.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm I'm wrist deep in the muck with y'all.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all can't see me, but check out the YouTube.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's there.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all in the muck with y'all, okay?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that's where I am.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not talking from a higher place because I too have issues, not not with the disrespect.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I would just say with the different parts.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: So I, you know, I'm saying I gotta be wary of myself.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta make that very clear that I got have to be aware that is happening and leading down that path and correct myself.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let me not let me let me specify that specifically.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is that I too have to catch myself when I'm going down that path with somebody.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oop, I actually like this person.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let me not do that stuff and not sub not not being supportive and um put downs and stuff like that.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Those are those are kind of things too.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Support, okay?
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't put your partner down.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a that's not a cool thing.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's not being supportive.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's literally not being supportive.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're putting them down, even if it's just like, oh, I'm just messing with you because I like you.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not a thing.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not do that.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's not good.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, another pivotal, pivotal thing is trust.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Trust is built on consistency and reliability, okay?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is the definition of trust.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is how it's built.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: When you're saying how can I trust somebody, you've got to be consistent and reliable.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: That is a that is a thing.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that is how trust is built.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you can't trust your partner in any form, especially in the BSM sense, because you're gonna get tied up in and impacted by this person.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Impacted.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: Why does it sound like a butt thing?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, uh, impact pilly is a thing.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're talking about.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Impacted.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're getting um impacted, de-impacted.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's the thing.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, anyways, trust involves creating a safe space for vulnerability and maintaining loyalty in both emotional and financial aspects.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, financial, what the fuck?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I would say physical aspects.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't know why they threw financial in there.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of weird.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but yeah, uh vulnerability in a safe space.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if I don't trust you, I'm not gonna be vulnerable with you.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: How are you gonna build a connection without being vulnerable with your partner?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: That's um a crucial thing.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that's uh arguably a very important part.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, these are all very important parts here.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm telling you, lines up.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so trust and safety.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be feeling safe if I don't trust you.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: A secure foundation built on dependability, honesty, safety, allowing individuals to feel confident in their partners' integrity and committed to overcoming challenges.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, uh Yes, the whole entire safety thing.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Very crucial if they don't trust you if they well, attraction respect.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel the respect, trust, I don't feel safe, all these different things all together.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Loving relationships.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh also I I say being impacted, doing the impaction, doing the impacting also as well requires trust because um there are incidents that happen.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: How can I say this?
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: There are incidents that happen, even though it hasn't happened to you, you can get in trouble for if you're the one that's doing the happening, if you get what I mean, okay.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I have to trust that I had good negotiation with my partner and they want this because you there's there's um there's uh stuff that leaves um evidence after everything is done.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say that way.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: You definitely don't want to uh have that out there uh with people that don't um uh line up with the way you're thinking, okay?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm being very big, big, big, big, I'm being very big um for a reason.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: There's yeah, there's uh there's that.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's a thing.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so be wary of that.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh also, like, don't worry about your dick getting wet and your pussies getting stuffed, because uh safety is number one.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say that in general.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: Get tested, people, if we're talking about safety.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead and get that test done because that's a safe thing too.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about STI testing, okay?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: That specifically, not being around that bush before you beat the bush, just get tested first, okay?
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, compassion.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Talked about this before too.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, unlike empathy, which is feeling with oh no, we talked about empathy.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, goodness.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there is a difference between compassion and empathy.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know that.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh feeling with someone, compassion is being there for your partner without making the situation about yourself, offering support without judgment.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: Without judgment, stop judging your partners, good lord almighty.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling for the other, but not losing your own ground.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, big thing with compassion versus empathy is that with empathy, you feel the person and then you take that on yourself.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Compassion is like, oh, I realize you're feeling this way, and I feel for you, but I don't feel it for you.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't feel it myself, that kind of thing.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And also, make it a point not to judge, just not do that in general.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Stop judging people.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's become just comes off as insecure.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Terrible.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, partners treat each other with kindness, valuing individual opinions and boundaries, which prevents contempt and fosters appreciation.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't like to appreciate our partner.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely, 100%.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and these final two uh are just like creme de la creme.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so the first four were like the the the foundation of the cake.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is the these next two are like the icing and the sprinkles, okay?
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: Still very important for the cake.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I don't I I don't know, y'all.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: I I mean good pound cake is good without the frosting and the sprinkles, but you know what I'm saying, and you really want the frosting and the sprinkles.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_00: What is a cake without the frosting and sprinkles?
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's a pound cake, just a regular old cake.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say a dry ass cake.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't necessarily have to be dry, but you get what's it?
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's bread.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it is.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's bread.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Banana bread, cucumber bread, it's regular old bread without the frosting, I would argue.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Or a brownie.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Still good, but I mean I I would like the frosting and the sprinkles.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you very much.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't had a frosted uh and sprinkled brownie, you are missing out.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: Hit up your bake, your local bake sale.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you what, right now.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, anyways, running out of time.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Shared vision.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: This represents a joint commitment to a future together holding a similar direction or set of goals, even when facing challenges.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: I thought that said fucking challenges.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck the challenges.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so going together.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, some people want children, that's a that's a um shared vision of future together.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Some people want marriage.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not Julius here, but those are those kind of things.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh project that you work on together, and um it doesn't have to be a literal project, like it'd just be a life project.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just, you know, end on this merry road, merry-go-round road that we're on, on a happy place.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good shared vision, I would argue.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, knowing where you don't want to end up, that's also another thing where you don't want to go.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Shared goals and meaning while maintaining individuality, successful couples share common values, goals, and a shared vision of their future, which fosters a deeper union.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so those are all the different kinds of things you can work on there.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and why shared vision of the future?
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I would I would argue as a whatever it is, however many people are involved, you uh all together figure out where you're going or not wanting to go together.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, frosting andor icing on the cake.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, and then lastly.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have loving behaviors.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Love is an action.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, love is an action.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't need to say anything else after that.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Love is an action, not just a feeling.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: It requires intentional actions that demonstrate care, affection, and commitment on a daily basis.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Care, affection, and commitment.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we have to demonstrate that.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's not just like, oh, a feeling.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to ever mention ever because it's like, eh, you know.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, say it.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: You fall out of love going out of your way for your partner, tender, and specific action acts.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so that is the thing.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: People fall out of love.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: You saw you also need a divorce rate for those people that do that kind of thing.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it's more than half.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: People fall out of love all the damn time.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and then open and honest communication.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Partners listen actively, express feelings constructively, and avoid attacking one another, ensuring both feel heard and understood.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta feel that's that respect thing again.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's again the respect thing.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so wrapping that all up.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Attraction.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Respect.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Trust.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: Those three got me going so much that I forgot what the fourth one was now.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um compassion?
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, compassion, and then shared vision.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so attraction.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: Cake.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: The cake.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Ingredients to the loving relationship cake.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: I would argue the cake itself.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Attraction.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta be attracted to the person.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta respect.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: Feel compassion.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: And uh trust the person.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's the four ingredients of the cake.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then icing and the frosting.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Share vision and um I know this.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Shared vision and oh, what was the last one?
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: Stupid phone.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Loving behaviors.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Shared vision and loving behaviors.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Icing and the frosting.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: I love that talk.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, Dr.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sarah, thank you very much for that talk.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'll have the link for the TED talk in the description below.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just felt like I needed to say more.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: And um also applies to BDSM dynamics.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: I would argue you need those six things for a loving BDSM dynamic, just as successful.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say successful.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever your definition is successful, that is what we're talking about here.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, went a little bit over, of course, like I normally do, but I thank you for sticking around if you're still listening to this part of the episode.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: Once again, please review it if you're um on the podcast side of things, uh, if you're on the video, like, subscribe, uh, and comment below.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let me know what you're thinking, and also send me questions to the emails and the social medias if you want to know more.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I apologize for the ads if you're listening to this.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if we ever get hair everywhere, if we ever get uh hair in your mouth, if we ever get sponsored partnerships, I apologize and thank you.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: But please click below if you feel like supporting the show on the affiliate links.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's it for now.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is Julius Morkeys.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.