Latest / Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing / #76| The REAL Reason You're So Anxious - Hidden Triggers You Never Knew Cause Overwhelm

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#76| The REAL Reason You're So Anxious - Hidden Triggers You Never Knew Cause Overwhelm · Overwhelmed Working Woman: Boost Productivity, Master Time Management, Overcome Overwhelm & Stop People Pleasing

0:00
Marquita Myrick: Sometimes people just think the anxiety is coming from the here and now, and I like to look at the childhood.
0:10
Michelle Gauthier: You're listening to Overwhelmed Working Woman, the podcast that helps you be more calm and more productive by doing less.
0:17
Michelle Gauthier: I'm your host, Michelle Gothier, a former Overwhelmed Working Woman and current life coach.
0:22
Michelle Gauthier: On this show, we unpack the stress and pressure that today's working woman experiences, and in each episode you'll get a strategy to bring more calm, ease and relaxation to your life.
0:34
Michelle Gauthier: Hi, friend, thanks for joining today.
0:38
Michelle Gauthier: Today's episode is really interesting for a couple of reasons.
0:41
Michelle Gauthier: Number one today is my guest, markita Myrick, and she is a psychotherapist, and one of the things we talk about right off the bat is the difference between a life coach and a therapist and when to go to which one, depending on what type of problem you're having.
0:55
Michelle Gauthier: I thought that was really interesting and it's something that people ask me often, so it was great to get her opinion on the answer to that, as well as mine.
1:03
Michelle Gauthier: The other thing we talk about is anxiety.
1:04
Michelle Gauthier: She is a real specialist in terms of anxiety and she talks about how sometimes we feel like our anxiety is coming from the here and now.
1:11
Michelle Gauthier: So, for example, I've got a lot of stuff on my to-do list and it's making me feel anxious, but what she talks about is how our past experiences can shape the stress and anxiety that we're feeling now and why she really likes to get to the bottom of that, and she gives you some great tips for how to identify your triggers for stress and anxiety so that you can manage it more efficiently.
1:33
Michelle Gauthier: So this is a really practical, useful episode, and she was a wonderful guest.
1:38
Michelle Gauthier: So let's just get right to it.
1:40
Michelle Gauthier: Let's dive in and say hello.
1:41
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for being here.
1:44
Michelle Gauthier: Say hello and introduce yourself.
1:46
Marquita Myrick: Yes, ii everyone.
1:48
Marquita Myrick: I'm so excited to be on the podcast today.
1:50
Marquita Myrick: I'm Marquita Myrick, a licensed psychotherapist, and I'm also the creator of Find my Therapist, an online directory for private pay mental health providers who don't want to accept insurance.
2:00
Michelle Gauthier: Okay.
2:00
Michelle Gauthier: So if somebody's listening and they want to switch to being a private pay - does it have to be a therapist or -?
2:08
Marquita Myrick: Great question.
2:08
Marquita Myrick: So it's mental health providers.
2:10
Marquita Myrick: So right now I have listing profiles for speech/ language pathologists, for psychiatric nurse practitioners, psychiatrists, psychotherapists.
2:17
Marquita Myrick: There are a few more.
2:18
Marquita Myrick: So yeah, and as interest increases and as we continue to build traction, I will add more profiles.
2:23
Marquita Myrick: But anyone who caters to the mental health or mental health is some aspect of the work that they do, you are welcome on the directory.
2:31
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, awesome.
2:32
Michelle Gauthier: Tell me a little bit more about, like, who is your ideal client or patient who you're usually working with, if there is a usual.
2:39
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, so one of my specialties is anxiety.
2:43
Marquita Myrick: I really love helping individuals with anxiety.
2:46
Marquita Myrick: I work with people across cultures, across religions, so I don't have a specific specialty within that.
2:54
Marquita Myrick: However, anxiety, depression, generational trauma, attachment-based work - that's typically what I'm doing in the work as a psychotherapist.
3:02
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, yeah, that sounds like that could be anyone.
3:06
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, well thank you for being on Overwhelmed Working Woman.
3:10
Michelle Gauthier: I have so many questions for you, but the first one is something that I get pretty often, which is what is the difference between a therapist - and you're a psychotherapist - and a life coach, and how should I know which one to work with?
3:22
Michelle Gauthier: So, in your opinion, what's the answer to that?
3:25
Marquita Myrick: I would say my go-to answer is typically that a coach is going to look more at the here and now.
3:31
Marquita Myrick: And I've actually done both.
3:33
Marquita Myrick: I've done some motivational speaking, I've done some coaching for women through various phases of life, so I've dibbled and dabbled across niches.
3:42
Marquita Myrick: So with coaching I was more focused on the here and now, and we may take a look, a peek at the past to see what's been going on there, to better understand where the person is.
3:51
Marquita Myrick: But more of the focus was the here and now and some psychotherapists focus on solution-focused type modalities.
3:58
Marquita Myrick: However, coaching in my opinion, is just solution-focused and taking a peek at the past, whereas psychotherapy we're really looking at the history.
4:06
Marquita Myrick: I'm very psychodynamic in my treatment methodology, so we're going deep, we're jumping into the deep end into the past.
4:14
Marquita Myrick: We're looking at all of those insights we can bring into the present and oftentimes in psychotherapy we're spending quite a bit of time looking at the past and really analyzing it.
4:24
Marquita Myrick: And in coaching that's just not the case, for me at least.
4:28
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah.
4:29
Michelle Gauthier: And so what is the benefit of doing that, of really going deep?
4:34
Michelle Gauthier: Let's say you've got a typical client who is really struggling with anxiety.
4:39
Michelle Gauthier: How is it helpful to go deep into the past?
4:43
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, that's such a great question, Michelle.
4:45
Marquita Myrick: I think sometimes people just think the anxiety is coming from the here and now.
4:49
Marquita Myrick: And I like to look at the childhood because I want to see, how did your role models and your caregivers manage anxiety?
4:56
Marquita Myrick: Were they even calling it anxiety?
4:59
Marquita Myrick: You know, in my family people often say, oh, my nerves are bad.
5:03
Marquita Myrick: You know, in my community, my nerves are bad.
5:04
Marquita Myrick: Now that I'm a psychotherapist, I'm like,
5:11
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, your nerves are fine.
5:11
Michelle Gauthier: Y ou might have been feeling kind of anxious.
5:13
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, your nerves are fine.
5:15
Marquita Myrick: But you also said your doctor put you on anxiety medication.
5:18
Marquita Myrick: But people shy away from that diagnosis and I think also in the medical field when they're prescribing medication, especially if it's a primary care physician, they might not necessarily say, oh, I just diagnosed you with generalized anxiety disorder, right?
5:32
Marquita Myrick: Whereas a mental health professional is going to say, oh, this is generalized anxiety disorder, or this is panic disorder, and so when I think about someone coming to me, they may be saying, oh, I have anxiety on a day-to-day basis.
5:44
Marquita Myrick: However, I like to nip things in the bud, so I like to go to the core of the issue.
5:48
Marquita Myrick: So let's really look at childhood.
5:49
Marquita Myrick: Maybe there's nothing there.
5:51
Marquita Myrick: Newsflash: most often there is.
5:53
Michelle Gauthier: I was just going to say that.
5:55
Michelle Gauthier: Does that really ever happen?
5:56
Marquita Myrick: Most often there is, right, and so let's really take a look at that to explore what that looks like and what you learned and how you adapted to what you learned over the course of adulthood.
6:08
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, I think that's so important and in my case, first of all, I agree with what you said about coaching being more today and solution-focused and what actions should we take right now.
6:18
Michelle Gauthier: But when I get a new client, I would say my very best favorite clients to work with are people who have done that kind of therapy.
6:26
Michelle Gauthier: So they have done that deeper work and now they want to change their career or stop feeling so frustrated with their husband or their partner or whatever it is.
6:36
Michelle Gauthier: But it goes so much more quickly when they're able to say, like I have a history of anxiety, it stems from this, this is how I treat it, and then we can just go on and do the things for the current and the future.
6:50
Michelle Gauthier: So I love that.
6:51
Michelle Gauthier: I love when I have a client who has done work with a therapist.
6:55
Michelle Gauthier: So I agree, we can work hand in hand to help women.
6:59
Michelle Gauthier: Well, in your case, you work with men as well, it sounds like, but to help people get through both of those things.
7:05
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, all right.
7:06
Michelle Gauthier: Good, I feel like we have answered that question and we have the same answer to it, which is great.
7:13
Marquita Myrick: Great! No debating today.
7:14
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, yeah, exactly no hating from either side of the fence.
7:18
Michelle Gauthier: Sometimes I do think people will say like, therapists don't like coaches, or coaches don't like therapists.
7:23
Michelle Gauthier: Not true, not true at our table that we're pretend sitting at today, right?
7:27
Marquita Myrick: Not true at all.
7:28
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, and even in the therapist groups I'm in, we you know, online we have these conversations like let's, there's space for all of us to do the work that we do and help people in different ways.
7:38
Marquita Myrick: So yeah, no hate at all.
7:40
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, exactly, okay.
7:43
Michelle Gauthier: Well, since you're on overwhelmed working woman, I first want to ask you do you ever feel overwhelmed?
7:49
Michelle Gauthier: And how have you - because you have not only your own practice, but also this other business, a directory for mental health care providers, and you're a mom of two kids - so a) are you ever overwhelmed, and b) what are your tricks for navigating that?
8:05
Marquita Myrick: The answer is yes, I get overwhelmed and yes, I have tricks for navigating it.
8:09
Marquita Myrick: I thought a few days ago, I thought, how fitting is it that I'm going to be on Michelle's podcast, because I got overwhelmed two days ago.
8:18
Marquita Myrick: And I was telling a friend yesterday, who's also a psychotherapist, that I get caught up with maybe once a month, that I have these - I'll have two weeks where things are great, right, things are amazing, there are no issues that I can complain about.
8:32
Marquita Myrick: And two days ago I started to feel sluggish, my energy started to dip and I thought, something's going on.
8:38
Marquita Myrick: And then I identified: I'm overwhelmed.
8:39
Marquita Myrick: That's what it is.
8:40
Marquita Myrick: I have the kids home for the summer.
8:42
Marquita Myrick: They go back to school soon, so their anxieties are starting to creep up as everyone keeps - everywhere we go, people are saying, oh, are you ready to go back to school?
8:50
Marquita Myrick: And I'm thinking, please don't ask them that!
8:52
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, exactly, we're not talking about that yet.
8:56
Marquita Myrick: We have two weeks, right, like, just let them chill, let me chill, and and so, yeah, I started to feel that feeling of overwhelm, that tightness in my back, and I get - my anxiety presents, it manifests, rather, as pain in my upper back, and so that's how I know something's going on.
9:13
Marquita Myrick: I'm starting to get overwhelmed, my posture might start slouching a bit, and so for me, it really is that awareness piece.
9:21
Marquita Myrick: The first step is recognizing this is what's going on, because I am such a type A person, I am such a go-getter, and I will keep going and not even notice that it's anxiety or that it's overwhelm.
9:32
Marquita Myrick: So it catches me by surprise and I say, okay, let's label it: this is overwhelm.
9:36
Marquita Myrick: That's my first strategy.
9:38
Marquita Myrick: I have to label it: this is overwhelm.
9:40
Marquita Myrick: Do I want to stay overwhelmed?
9:45
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, exactly, and I just think it's important to note that to people who are listening, and they're like, maybe sometimes I don't notice when I'm overwhelmed, okay, it sneaks up on us and this is the work we do, right?
9:55
Michelle Gauthier: We're all only human, after all, and you have to just take a second and identify it, and I think your example was so good that you know exactly where it presents in your body.
10:05
Michelle Gauthier: I truly believe that every feeling shows up somewhere in our body, and it's not the same for everyone, but for me, when I'm feeling really anxious, my fingertips get numb and kind of tingly.
10:15
Michelle Gauthier: So that's the same thing where I'm like, oh, okay, I'm really anxious about something.
10:20
Michelle Gauthier: What is that something?
10:21
Michelle Gauthier: So I would encourage the listeners to think, what does it feel like in your body when you feel anxious and overwhelmed?
10:27
Michelle Gauthier: Because, just like you said, there's so much power in simply naming it and saying this is what's going on.
10:32
Michelle Gauthier: It's not like, oh, I'm low energy, am I tired?
10:35
Michelle Gauthier: Did I just not eat a good lunch?
10:37
Michelle Gauthier: What's going on?
10:38
Michelle Gauthier: But just to be able to say, oh, I'm overwhelmed.
10:40
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, once you've got the name for it, then you can start doing something for it.
10:44
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, so what's next?
10:46
Michelle Gauthier: What do you do once you name it?
10:52
Marquita Myrick: just say I love that you normalize that for the both of us, Because I because have heard before oh, you seem perfect, you seem like you have everything together and I love to just humanize these things because, no, we're not perfect and we experience it too, but these strategies are how you get back from it, and I don't know about you, but for myself I get back from it a lot quicker because I have these strategies that I use to use, like name it.
11:15
Michelle Gauthier: .
11:15
Michelle Gauthier: And .
11:16
Michelle Gauthier: too as know, too, client of a therapist and I've been a client of a life coach, when I see them also be human, it makes me feel like okay, good, even she gets overwhelmed or even she feels stressed out sometimes or doesn't know what to do.
11:30
Michelle Gauthier: I think it's reassuring to people.
11:33
Marquita Myrick: Yep, so reassuring.
11:34
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, so that first step really is just the awareness and naming it, and the second step for me is always, almost always, deep breathing.
11:43
Marquita Myrick: I love the 4-7-8 breathing method.
11:45
Marquita Myrick: Have you heard of that one?
11:46
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, tell me about that.
11:48
Michelle Gauthier: I usually do the box breathing, which is all the fours, so tell me about the 4-7-8.
11:53
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, it's where you breathe in for four seconds, you hold it for seven seconds, and then you breathe out for eight seconds, and I think it's Dr.
12:00
Marquita Myrick: Weil who - he didn't create it.
12:03
Marquita Myrick: It's like an ancient breathing technique, but he kind of modernized it and talks about it a lot online, and the key is to do it four times.
12:12
Marquita Myrick: I just do it as many times as I need to, with a minimum being four.
12:15
Marquita Myrick: And what that does is it regulates your nervous system.
12:20
Marquita Myrick: It helps me to calm down because, if you think about it, we're going from this state of overwhelm that we didn't even recognize, for some of us, and for some of us women, we don't get it until it's too bad, right, and then now we've named it, okay, it's overwhelm.
12:32
Marquita Myrick: What do I do?
12:39
Marquita Myrick: Well, before we strategize, we need to calm our body down, and in the work that I do, we can't start using strategy until we learn how to get calm, until we learn how to get in a place of rest.
12:43
Marquita Myrick: And so really calming my nervous system down is that second step.
12:47
Marquita Myrick: And then for the third step, for me, it's reframing it.
12:50
Marquita Myrick: Okay, so, and I'll use - Michelle, I love to use real life examples because I had a moment of overwhelm today, right, trying to get home for the podcast, getting my kids from the daycare, and so I thought, what feels overwhelming in this moment?
13:05
Marquita Myrick: Well, my kids were being a little rambunctious.
13:07
Marquita Myrick: You know there's bickering that goes on between a seven and nine year old and so the overwhelming thought is, my kids are overwhelming me and the reframe to that, after I've identified it, named it and I've calmed my nervous system, the reframe is my kids are being normal kids.
13:23
Marquita Myrick: They're doing normal, you know, they're doing appropriate things for their age and I have a lot going on today and it's okay that they're having that moment.
13:34
Marquita Myrick: And what am I going to do next?
13:36
Marquita Myrick: Well, I've done my deep breathing, I've reframed it.
13:38
Marquita Myrick: I'm going to have a good day and I'm going to tell my kids we need a little bit of quiet time, you know.
13:43
Marquita Myrick: So the reframe is just, this isn't the end of the world, it's just kids doing normal kid things and I'm having a human response.
13:52
Marquita Myrick: Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed, but it's just an overwhelming moment.
13:56
Marquita Myrick: It's very brief, if I allow it to be, so then I just keep doing my deep breathing and that's how I move through it.
14:03
Michelle Gauthier: That's so awesome.
14:04
Michelle Gauthier: And I think that process that you're talking about including the noticing, the breathing, reframing is that like two minutes maybe, yeah, yeah, right, it can be like two to three minutes, yeah, to do it.
14:18
Michelle Gauthier: And the thing I love about breathing too, I've never tried that method, I'll try it now, but I love about breathing is you can do it right in public, right when you're driving, you know, wherever you are, you can do that deep breathing and just to calm yourself down.
14:30
Michelle Gauthier: Because I firmly believe, based on coaching lots and lots of overwhelmed people and being overwhelmed myself that when you're overwhelmed, you can't think clearly.
14:38
Michelle Gauthier: You're not going to have a clear thought like, actually, my kids are just being kids, you're going to be like, ARGHHHH.
14:42
Michelle Gauthier: I shouldn't put that on you.
14:46
Michelle Gauthier: I should say, for me, for me, that's what I would do.
14:49
Michelle Gauthier: Where, once you calm your body down, then you have access to those clear thinking thoughts.
14:55
Michelle Gauthier: So I love that.
14:56
Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
14:57
Marquita Myrick: I relate by the way, that's the thought.
14:59
Marquita Myrick: The thoughts get pretty extreme when you're overwhelmed or when you're experiencing high anxiety.
15:05
Michelle Gauthier: They just do yes, yes, exactly, and I think sometimes that it feels so strongly in our body like, oh, this is a real problem, or I'm in danger, almost, and it's like, okay, I'm not in danger.
15:16
Michelle Gauthier: My kids are just being kind of obnoxious right now, like mine, were fighting the other day and it was in public and they were back and forth at each other and I felt so uncomfortable.
15:25
Michelle Gauthier: I'm like, well, I wish they weren't doing this, but no one's going to hurt us or anything.
15:30
Marquita Myrick: It's not really dangerous.
15:32
Marquita Myrick: Exactly, we have to do a lot of reframing as parents.
15:35
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah.
15:37
Marquita Myrick: You get the look - you get one look in public and then all of a sudden, everybody thinks I have bad kids, like no.
15:43
Marquita Myrick: Maybe what I get mostly now is people look and say, I remember when mine were that age, or, yep, I've been there, or I was there yesterday and that's more reassuring than the stares.
15:54
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, I try to be that mom when it's not my kids.
15:57
Michelle Gauthier: Or like a little kid having a complete breakdown because they're like not getting a truck at the checkout of the toy store or something or Target, I always try to say, good job, mom.
16:07
Michelle Gauthier: Been there, I see you.
16:08
Michelle Gauthier: I'm not judging you at all, right.
16:11
Marquita Myrick: At all.
16:12
Marquita Myrick: No judgment, I get it.
16:13
Marquita Myrick: Take your time dealing with that tantrum.
16:18
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, exactly, you're doing the right thing.
16:19
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I think that's our job as moms of a 7 and 9 and 13 and 17-year-old, whatever age your kids aren't anymore to encourage the moms who are still there for sure.
16:26
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, pass it forward, yes, so what do you think are the top mental health issues with women today?
16:35
Michelle Gauthier: What are you seeing in your practice?
16:38
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, I see a lot of mindset issues and I also see a lot of anxiety.
16:43
Marquita Myrick: I'm not seeing as much depression.
16:48
Marquita Myrick: One thing I didn't mention in the beginning is that I deal with a lot of relationship conflict, and that's not just in intimate partnerships, it could also be just in friendships.
16:56
Marquita Myrick: However, the friendships and the intimate partnerships that is where a lot of the anxiety is coming from.
17:02
Marquita Myrick: Lately, it's not even the parenting.
17:04
Marquita Myrick: It's creating a lot of anxiety.
17:06
Marquita Myrick: So, yeah, those are the top three things I'm seeing.
17:09
Michelle Gauthier: Interesting.
17:09
Michelle Gauthier: Why do you think there's not as much depression?
17:12
Michelle Gauthier: I'm thinking COVID.
17:13
Michelle Gauthier: Was there something with COVID that brought a lot of depression and now we're back to anxiety, or do you have any guesses?
17:20
Marquita Myrick: I do actually.
17:21
Marquita Myrick: So during the COVID years, my business skyrocketed and that was actually when I launched my coaching business and I was trying to not leave counseling in the background.
17:31
Marquita Myrick: But I was just thinking, right now I want to focus on building a coaching business, and instead what happened is my psychotherapy business skyrocketed.
17:39
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, everybody needed a therapist.
17:42
Marquita Myrick: Everybody, yeah.
17:42
Marquita Myrick: Exactly so.
17:42
Marquita Myrick: That's the key point.
17:43
Marquita Myrick: Everyone needed a therapist and I think people have done a lot of work, people who were previously depressed and now it's just those issues that are outlining their lives.
17:52
Marquita Myrick: So depression was at the core and a lot of that was tied to people's childhood unresolved trauma, and then now it's just like anxiety, inflation, the economy, so on and so forth.
18:01
Marquita Myrick: But just the relationship stuff, and I think we're seeing a wave of people talking about emotional intelligence in relationships and how important that is, and so I think that people are starting to look at their relationships, not in a bubble anymore.
18:15
Marquita Myrick: But wait, I have a relationship with my job, this is my career, this is stressing me out.
18:22
Marquita Myrick: I have a relationship with my children, with my parents, with my partner.
18:24
Marquita Myrick: So I think the relationship issues have really become the core of a lot of the work that I do.
18:28
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, that's interesting.
18:30
Michelle Gauthier: That makes a lot of sense, though.
18:31
Michelle Gauthier: Something that my parents like to point out to me is that my kids and their cousins, like you know teenage kind of kids they say, oh, they're always saying I'm so stressed and I'm so anxious, and we just didn't have that when we were kids.
18:46
Michelle Gauthier: Do you feel like there's more anxiety now, or we just have more words for it and acknowledgement for it?
18:55
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, I think we do have more words and acknowledgement for it.
18:59
Marquita Myrick: However, because of the work I do with people in healing generational trauma, I know that it existed back then.
19:06
Marquita Myrick: I was a very anxious child, growing up in Louisiana with two parents, dad being a pastor, right, I just didn't feel like I could express it and this is no shade to my parents, I love them.
19:17
Marquita Myrick: There wasn't a lot of resources, there weren't a lot of talks about anxiety and depression.
19:23
Marquita Myrick: All of these things were closeted for me as a kid, and so I didn't even have a name for them until I went to college.
19:29
Marquita Myrick: So it existed, but there was no language for it.
19:32
Marquita Myrick: It existed, but there was not a lot of treatment or people weren't seeking it out.
19:35
Marquita Myrick: I think it was still there.
19:37
Marquita Myrick: It's just now, it's more normalized for kids.
19:40
Marquita Myrick: So they are saying I'm stressed, I'm anxious.
19:42
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, you have the freedom to do it.
19:45
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, I was just going to say, and, based on the work that I do, I feel like that's actually the better way to be, to be able to say like I'm feeling anxious right now instead of just, I don't know what's wrong.
19:56
Michelle Gauthier: I remember my best friend when I was little, growing up.
19:59
Michelle Gauthier: I would say - she wouldn't care if I was saying this on the podcast - but I think she was anxious.
20:04
Michelle Gauthier: But she used to get sick to her stomach all the time.
20:06
Michelle Gauthier: She'd just throw up when she got upset about something and we just thought she had like, you know, how you said I think something's up with my nerves, like, oh, she's just got like a temperamental stomach or something like that.
20:16
Michelle Gauthier: And wouldn't it have been good for her to be able to say, I'm feeling anxious, I think I need to go lie down at the nurse's office for a little while before I throw up.
20:23
Michelle Gauthier: You know, it's just that there weren't the words for it.
20:27
Michelle Gauthier: So I think it's really powerful, and to be able to say that to peers and teachers and recognize it in themselves and have tools - like they're learning mindfulness things at school right now that we would have never - I'm so glad they have them, but we would have never learned, we'd have never learned that - and I think this really ties back to something we talked about earlier today, in that the naming of it is so important.
20:52
Marquita Myrick: It's so powerful, because just imagine how many kids got dismissed when we were growing up.
20:57
Marquita Myrick: I know it was definitely like you're just tired, you're just, oh, you just need some Tylenol, you know, actually,, yeah, quit your complaining, quit your complaining, when actually the kid didn't want to go to that play date because they were having high anxiety.
21:11
Marquita Myrick: So can we just name it and work through it.
21:13
Marquita Myrick: And now we have more of that and I'm grateful for that.
21:20
Michelle Gauthier: You gave three steps to take when they're feeling overwhelmed.
21:23
Michelle Gauthier: Is there anything different that you would recommend if the problem is anxiety versus overwhelm, or would you recommend that same process?
21:32
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, I definitely recommend the same process when it's more anxiety, and I think I should add context to it because it's a bit nuanced.
21:40
Marquita Myrick: Because I am a therapist, I practice all of my skills for pretty much any issue that pops up for me.
21:46
Marquita Myrick: So, whether it's overwhelm, or I've identified it as anxiety or high stress, whatever, I use cognitive behavioral therapy on myself, and so those steps, combined with more of the cognitive behavioral therapy approaches, are what really helped me get through it, and so it goes beyond just identifying it, naming it, doing deep breathing and reframing it.
22:08
Marquita Myrick: It's also, I might put the thought on trial, which is a cognitive behavioral therapy technique where I break it down: I'm having the thought that I'm overwhelmed.
22:18
Marquita Myrick: What's really behind that?
22:20
Marquita Myrick: And so, yeah, it's a variety of methods.
22:23
Marquita Myrick: What I really tell people, though, Michelle, is especially in the work that I do as a psychotherapist is, I'm going to give you a lot of strategies, and I'm going to do my best to not overwhelm you with them.
22:33
Marquita Myrick: Go and try it on for size, see what works, see what doesn't work, because maybe one day naming it doesn't work, maybe naming it stresses you out even more in the moment, or you think I don't have time to name it, I just need to calm down really quickly so you might jump to deep breathing, and it might be the 4-7-8 breathing method, or they might take your approach of box breathing.
22:51
Marquita Myrick: Whatever works for you individually is what's going to be best.
22:55
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, yeah, that's great.
22:56
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
22:57
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
22:58
Michelle Gauthier: You said going to put the thought on trial.
23:01
Michelle Gauthier: Can I please borrow that terminology and use that from here on out?
23:04
Michelle Gauthier: Absolutely.
23:05
Michelle Gauthier: I love it.
23:06
Michelle Gauthier: Because sometimes I'll have my clients write out the thought and we'll say, is it true?
23:10
Michelle Gauthier: How can you know it's true?
23:12
Michelle Gauthier: If it weren't true, what would the opposite thought be?
23:15
Michelle Gauthier: And I love the idea of putting it on trial, because that means we're making the assumption that it could be guilty.
23:20
Michelle Gauthier: We're going to charge it.
23:21
Michelle Gauthier: Like is it really true?
23:23
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
23:24
Michelle Gauthier: That's such a great way to think about it.
23:26
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, wonderful.
23:27
Michelle Gauthier: I love that it's such a usable framework that you can use it for whatever feeling that you're having.
23:33
Michelle Gauthier: Starting with, I'm just going to repeat it again because I think it was such a good process, so you name the feeling that you're having.
23:45
Michelle Gauthier: You take a look at your body and calm it down using whatever method necessary, usually just some breathing and then you reframe it and possibly go on and do deeper tools if that doesn't do it.
23:52
Michelle Gauthier: But I think just that quick three-step process could be really helpful to somebody who's feeling stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, angry, any feeling that you don't want to have at that moment.
24:02
Marquita Myrick: Yep, you summed it up perfectly and absolutely, I'll share a resource afterwards on putting the thought on trial like a quick resource guide that you can use with your clients.
24:11
Michelle Gauthier: Oh, I love it.
24:11
Michelle Gauthier: Oh good, is it like something they can go and get?
24:15
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, actually, if we have time.
24:16
Marquita Myrick: It's just therapistaid.
24:17
Marquita Myrick: com.
24:18
Marquita Myrick: I love using that as a resource for my therapy clients and they have free worksheets.
24:23
Marquita Myrick: I mean, there's, of course, a paid version too, but I just use the free version and you just type in putting thoughts on trial, so the CBT model for putting thoughts on trial will come up and people will get to visual - I'm a visual learner, so people will see it.
24:34
Marquita Myrick: I use it all the time.
24:36
Marquita Myrick: I'm always putting my thoughts on trial.
24:37
Michelle Gauthier: So it works.
24:38
Michelle Gauthier: I love it.
24:39
Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
24:40
Michelle Gauthier: I'll definitely put the link to that in the show notes.
24:42
Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
24:43
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, now I'm going to ask you the two questions that I ask every guest who comes on the podcast.
24:49
Michelle Gauthier: The first is what is something that you do to make yourself more calm when you're feeling overwhelmed?
25:06
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, the one I love is gratitude practice.
25:06
Marquita Myrick: And I think it's so underrated.
25:07
Marquita Myrick: I don't know if you listen to Dr.
25:08
Marquita Myrick: Joe Dispenza.
25:08
Michelle Gauthier: Yes.
25:08
Michelle Gauthier: I don't listen religiously, but I definitely have listened to his content.
25:18
Marquita Myrick: don't follow him religiously either, but I do listen to his content a few times a week and one consistent thing that he shares is gratitude practice, and he doesn't necessarily say it's underrated.
25:24
Marquita Myrick: However, as a therapist, I'm always paying attention to themes, right, and so when I'm listening to his videos, he's consistently saying get a gratitude practice, get a gratitude journal, say it out loud, incorporate visualization with it.
25:37
Marquita Myrick: Gratitude practice, get a gratitude journal, say it out loud, incorporate visualization with it.
25:40
Marquita Myrick: I do that all the time they're starting to cause me some stress.
25:46
Marquita Myrick: Right, I say let's just name five things we're grateful for.
25:47
Marquita Myrick: We did it yesterday.
25:49
Marquita Myrick: I said let's do five, they did 20.
25:52
Marquita Myrick: Oh, that's so great.
25:53
Marquita Myrick: Right?
25:54
Marquita Myrick: And having wonderful parents was one thing that they both said and that just warmed my heart.
25:59
Marquita Myrick: So we went from this moment where they were bickering and where it was causing me some stress in the moment, to now I'm just grateful to be your mom right now.
26:07
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, can't wait to hang out with you guys.
26:10
Michelle Gauthier: I was ready to get rid of you a couple minutes ago.
26:14
Marquita Myrick: Exactly.
26:15
Michelle Gauthier: I love it.
26:16
Michelle Gauthier: So you can do it in your head, you can ask your kids to do it, you can have a daily practice where you write it down.
26:22
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
26:23
Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
26:24
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, makes me smile.
26:25
Michelle Gauthier: And then, as a busy working mom, what is something you consistently do that allows you to either do less or save time?
26:34
Marquita Myrick: So one thing that I do is I love Google Calendar.
26:37
Marquita Myrick: I'm all about organization.
26:39
Marquita Myrick: Being a Type A person, my life has to be organized.
26:42
Marquita Myrick: However, I do have to give myself grace sometimes and say, okay, Marquita, everything can't always be the way you want it, and so organization is key for me, and I limit myself to no more than three big tasks a day.
26:54
Marquita Myrick: Now I have a lot of tasks on my Google Calendar.
26:57
Marquita Myrick: However, if I can get those three big things done, then I will allow myself some grace to not get the rest of it done during the day unless I have some free time at the end of the day.
27:07
Marquita Myrick: Right, yeah, I can put a lot of pressure on myself, and I have no problem saying this,
27:12
Marquita Myrick: I have been diagnosed at the age of 19 with generalized anxiety disorder, and so part of the strategy that I shared today is what I have to do consistently and me having a Google calendar where I have three top tasks I have to do that consistently every day, or else I will lean into generalized anxiety disorder features.
27:30
Marquita Myrick: So that's it for me, really prioritization and organization.
27:35
Michelle Gauthier: I feel like that's something anyone can take away, because I work so much with clients who maybe they have 20 things on their list and they can really only do three in a day and they do those three and instead of being like, all right, cool, they're focused on those 17 that they didn't get to and they're beating themselves up and thinking, should I go back and work later tonight.
27:54
Michelle Gauthier: So I love the idea of let me just choose the most important ones, put those as my must-dos for the day and then, once I finish those, I can feel good about it.
28:03
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, yeah, and you said it, even labeling it, as sometimes I label it as must-dos or have-to-dos, like label it as something, so you know, wow, this is a priority in my day.
28:14
Marquita Myrick: So once you get those three tasks done.
28:24
Marquita Myrick: You feel really accomplished.
28:24
Marquita Myrick: It's really a good feeling, and you may see the other tasks, but you think, well, I got my must-dos done today.
28:27
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, good job.
28:27
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, exactly, I'm going to make my own gratitude list for myself next time I'm doing so well.
28:32
Michelle Gauthier: Is there anything that I haven't asked you that you feel like you want to share with the audience?
28:39
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, I always - I come back to this at the end of the day like, how am I doing this?
28:45
Marquita Myrick: You know, I launched my directory in January and I've had my psychotherapy business - I've been a psychotherapist for 15 years.
28:53
Marquita Myrick: Being a mother is one of my greatest joys and one thing on my bucket list that I had to be a mother, right?
29:01
Marquita Myrick: And so at the end of the day, sometimes I can forget how important it is that I'm doing both.
29:07
Marquita Myrick: So the big question is like, how do you do both as a mother?
29:10
Marquita Myrick: How are you a mother and an entrepreneur?
29:12
Marquita Myrick: And ultimately, I'm going to put my kids first and my business is going to have to weave itself in there, and I'm always going to have grace for myself because I have to.
29:21
Marquita Myrick: I chose to be a mother.
29:22
Marquita Myrick: So people talk about balance a lot, and years ago they came out with this article about work-life satisfaction, and I lean into that more, because there is no balance.
29:31
Marquita Myrick: I can't have 50% motherhood, 50% entrepreneurship.
29:35
Marquita Myrick: However, I can have satisfaction in both areas and that's how I sleep well at night.
29:40
Marquita Myrick: I know I did my best.
29:44
Michelle Gauthier: That's so great.
29:45
Michelle Gauthier: I love that.
29:46
Michelle Gauthier: When you were growing up, I know you said your dad was a pastor.
29:48
Michelle Gauthier: Did your mom stay home or did she also work?
29:52
Marquita Myrick: Good question.
29:52
Marquita Myrick: She worked for a while and then we got into a car accident when I was 11.
29:56
Marquita Myrick: And that changed the trajectory of her career life and so she became disabled and couldn't work.
30:04
Marquita Myrick: She's had severe back pain over the years and she actually just, at the tender age of 67, started working again because she wanted -yeah, like she always wanted to go back to work.
30:13
Marquita Myrick: So she started doing some work in her previous field and so that completely changed it.
30:18
Marquita Myrick: But she did.
30:18
Marquita Myrick: She was a homemaker for years after the accident.
30:22
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, mine too, and my dad worked and my mom stayed home with us, and I feel like I just started doing both and felt like I needed to do both of those at 100% and do an amazing job, work as hard as my dad and be as good of a mom as my mom and take care of our home, and I just had to get to the point where I could accept that's two full-time jobs.
30:46
Michelle Gauthier: That was two people in my household and I'm just one person, and so I'm going to have to do my best and outsource where possible.
30:53
Michelle Gauthier: But I hear you, I love the idea of just work-life satisfaction versus balance, because I agree and maybe you could create a balance for today.
31:04
Michelle Gauthier: Today did I feel balanced?
31:06
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, but it's not like you get to this ultimate goal of like, okay, my life is balanced now.
31:11
Marquita Myrick: Yes, yes, it's not an everyday thing and that's why I try not to judge myself on how balanced am I with work or motherhood.
31:19
Marquita Myrick: It's how did I feel at the end of the day, and I always tell women that go back to how you felt.
31:23
Marquita Myrick: Did it feel good to take your kids to soccer practice or gymnastics?
31:28
Marquita Myrick: Did it feel good to do that, and actually watch them do those activities over logging into your WordPress dashboard, which is what I was doing last year, and I said, that didn't feel good.
31:43
Marquita Myrick: I was getting a lot done with building the website out for my directory, but it didn't feel good to have my daughter at the end of of class say, did you see me when I did -?
31:47
Marquita Myrick: And I'm like, oh no, I didn't.
31:49
Marquita Myrick: So how do you feel?
31:50
Marquita Myrick: Like, go back to that, because that's really - your feelings are going to guide your actions and what you prioritize in any given moment.
31:57
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, that's great advice.
31:58
Michelle Gauthier: Everyone who gets to work with you is so lucky.
32:01
Michelle Gauthier: You're so calm and so wise.
32:03
Michelle Gauthier: I'm sure you're perfect for anyone who's feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
32:07
Michelle Gauthier: Where should people go if they want to follow you and learn more about you or your work?
32:12
Marquita Myrick: Thank you so much, and I want to just echo that for you too.
32:15
Marquita Myrick: Any woman who gets to work with you is so blessed, so so blessed, and anyone listening to the podcast.
32:20
Marquita Myrick: So you can find me at marquitamyrick.
32:22
Marquita Myrick: com.
32:23
Marquita Myrick: If you're interested in the directory, maybe you're looking for a mental health provider, you can go to findmytherapistus for United States and then online on socials it's findmytherapistus on TikTok and Instagram and then at Marquita Myrick LPC, for my Psychotherapy Business on Instagram and my biggest platform is TikTok at Therapy Insight.
32:46
Michelle Gauthier: Oh, okay, okay.
32:48
Michelle Gauthier: Are you taking new patients now for psychotherapy?
32:51
Marquita Myrick: I am taking new patients.
32:52
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, okay, okay, perfect, good.
32:54
Michelle Gauthier: Well, we will link all of that in case somebody is looking ,and you see patients from anywhere, right?
33:01
Michelle Gauthier: You see people on Zoom.
33:03
Marquita Myrick: Yep, well it's, so it's on Simple Practice, their electronic health record system, so it's a telehealth.
33:10
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's right, you can't do Zoom, that's not safe enough, right, you have to be more compliant than that, but they don't have to live in your town, I guess is what I'm saying.
33:19
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, yeah, no good question.
33:20
Marquita Myrick: Yeah, so I'm a telehealth provider and I'm licensed in Colorado, Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina.
33:23
Marquita Myrick: You do have to be physically planted in one of those states for me to work with you online.
33:28
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, okay, that's so interesting.
33:30
Marquita Myrick: I know, tell me about it.
33:32
Michelle Gauthier: Why does it matter where that person is.
33:34
Marquita Myrick: I'm telling you, yeah.
33:35
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, but I guess we can't solve - we're not going to be able to solve that one today.
33:40
Marquita Myrick: I wish we could.
33:41
Marquita Myrick: There is the Counseling Compact and it should be available - a lot of states have joined so I will be able to open up my services across the United States in more states pretty soon here, hopefully early 2025.
33:53
Michelle Gauthier: Oh, I didn't know that.
33:54
Michelle Gauthier: Yeah, it's exciting.
33:55
Michelle Gauthier: I knew of that law, but I didn't know that it was maybe going to go away.
33:59
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, that's great.
34:00
Michelle Gauthier: Good news, even more opened up for you to help people.
34:03
Michelle Gauthier: Yes, okay, wonderful.
34:04
Michelle Gauthier: Well, I really appreciate you being a guest.
34:06
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you so much for sharing all your valuable wisdom and insight with us.
34:11
Marquita Myrick: Thank you as well!
34:12
Michelle Gauthier: Okay, friend, hopefully that episode has left you feeling less anxious, or at least having the potential to be less anxious, and you have gained more clarity around when a life coach versus a psychotherapist is the best option for you when you feel like you need some help.
34:28
Michelle Gauthier: If the answer to that question is life coach, and I am the life coach who you have in mind, please reach out to me.
34:39
Michelle Gauthier: There is always a link in the show notes that will give you a way to click and set up a one-on-one session with me for free to help to explore coaching and understand more about what I do when I work with my clients one-on-one.
34:49
Michelle Gauthier: I would love to talk to you if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
34:53
Michelle Gauthier: That is my specialty, and I would love to help you feel more calm, more intentional, and more present in this one precious life that you have been given.
35:01
Michelle Gauthier: Thanks for listening and I'll see you next week.
35:04
Michelle Gauthier: Thank you for listening to the Overwhelmed Working Woman podcast.
35:11
Michelle Gauthier: If you want to learn more about my work, head over to my website at michellegauthier.
35:15
Michelle Gauthier: com.
35:17
Michelle Gauthier: See you next week.