Latest / Adult Child of Dysfunction / E 338: Tammy's Take #29 Notice, Name, Next Step: A Simple Tool for When You Feel Triggered

Transcript

E 338: Tammy's Take #29 Notice, Name, Next Step: A Simple Tool for When You Feel Triggered · Adult Child of Dysfunction

• 0:02
  Hello
• 0:02
  everybody,
• 0:02
  and
• 0:02
  welcome
• 0:03
  back
• 0:03
  to
• 0:03
  another
• 0:03
  episode
• 0:04
  of
• 0:04
  Tammy's
• 0:05
  Takes,
• 0:05
  where
• 0:05
  we
• 0:05
  take
• 0:05
  powerful
• 0:06
  conversations
• 0:07
  and
• 0:07
  turn
• 0:07
  them
• 0:07
  into
• 0:08
  practical
• 0:09
  strategies
• 0:09
  that
• 0:09
  you
• 0:10
  can
• 0:10
  use
• 0:10
  right
• 0:10
  here,
• 0:11
  right
• 0:11
  now.
• 0:12
  So
• 0:12
  today
• 0:12
  I
• 0:12
  wanna
• 0:12
  talk
• 0:13
  about
• 0:13
  something
• 0:13
  that
• 0:13
  can
• 0:14
  change
• 0:14
  the
• 0:14
  way
• 0:14
  you
• 0:14
  move
• 0:15
  through
• 0:15
  anxiety,
• 0:16
  self-doubt,
• 0:16
  people
• 0:17
  pleasing,
• 0:17
  triggers,
• 0:18
  relationships,
• 0:19
  and
• 0:19
  honestly,
• 0:20
  life.
• 0:20
  Because
• 0:21
  so
• 0:21
  many
• 0:21
  of
• 0:21
  us
• 0:22
  are
• 0:22
  walking
• 0:22
  around
• 0:23
  believing
• 0:23
  every
• 0:23
  thought
• 0:24
  that
• 0:24
  pops
• 0:24
  into
• 0:25
  your
• 0:25
  head.
• 0:25
  "I'm
• 0:26
  not
• 0:26
  good
• 0:26
  enough.
• 0:26
  They're
• 0:27
  mad
• 0:27
  at
• 0:27
  me.
• 0:27
  They're
• 0:27
  gonna
• 0:28
  think
• 0:28
  I
• 0:28
  did
• 0:28
  something
• 0:29
  wrong.
• 0:29
  I'm
• 0:29
  gonna
• 0:29
  mess
• 0:30
  this
• 0:30
  up.
• 0:30
  I'm
• 0:30
  not
• 0:31
  enough.
• 0:31
  This
• 0:31
  always
• 0:32
  happens
• 0:32
  to
• 0:32
  me.
• 0:32
  I
• 0:32
  can't
• 0:33
  handle
• 0:33
  this."
• 0:34
  Do
• 0:34
  you
• 0:34
  find
• 0:34
  yourself
• 0:35
  saying
• 0:35
  those
• 0:35
  things?
• 0:36
  Because
• 0:37
  when
• 0:37
  you
• 0:37
  grow
• 0:37
  up
• 0:37
  in
• 0:37
  dysfunction,
• 0:38
  those
• 0:39
  thoughts
• 0:39
  do
• 0:39
  not
• 0:40
  just
• 0:40
  feel
• 0:40
  like
• 0:40
  thoughts,
• 0:41
  they
• 0:41
  feel
• 0:41
  like
• 0:41
  facts.
• 0:42
  They
• 0:42
  feel
• 0:43
  like
• 0:43
  warnings,
• 0:43
  they
• 0:44
  feel
• 0:44
  like
• 0:44
  instructions,
• 0:45
  they
• 0:45
  feel
• 0:45
  like
• 0:46
  protection,
• 0:46
  honestly.
• 0:47
  But
• 0:47
  here
• 0:47
  is
• 0:48
  what
• 0:48
  I
• 0:48
  want
• 0:48
  you
• 0:48
  to
• 0:48
  understand
• 0:49
  today.
• 0:50
  A
• 0:50
  thought
• 0:50
  is
• 0:50
  not
• 0:50
  always
• 0:51
  the
• 0:51
  truth,
• 0:51
  and
• 0:52
  just
• 0:52
  because
• 0:52
  your
• 0:52
  mind
• 0:53
  says
• 0:53
  something
• 0:54
  does
• 0:54
  not
• 0:54
  mean
• 0:54
  that
• 0:54
  you
• 0:55
  have
• 0:55
  to
• 0:55
  obey
• 0:56
  it.
• 0:56
  I
• 0:56
  recently
• 0:57
  had
• 0:57
  Dr.
• 0:57
  Elizabeth
• 0:58
  Moray
• 0:58
  on
• 0:58
  the
• 0:59
  podcast.
• 0:59
  She's
• 0:59
  a
• 1:00
  licensed
• 1:00
  psychologist
• 1:01
  trained
• 1:01
  in
• 1:01
  acceptance
• 1:02
  and
• 1:02
  commitment
• 1:03
  therapy,
• 1:03
  and
• 1:04
  the
• 1:04
  vice
• 1:04
  president
• 1:04
  of
• 1:05
  clinical
• 1:06
  at
• 1:06
  Alma.
• 1:07
  She
• 1:07
  talked
• 1:07
  about
• 1:07
  something
• 1:08
  about
• 1:08
  psychological
• 1:09
  flexibility.
• 1:11
  I
• 1:11
  love
• 1:11
  this
• 1:11
  concept,
• 1:12
  because
• 1:12
  she
• 1:12
  puts
• 1:12
  words
• 1:13
  to
• 1:13
  so
• 1:14
  much
• 1:14
  of
• 1:14
  the
• 1:14
  work
• 1:14
  I
• 1:14
  teach
• 1:15
  around
• 1:15
  nervous
• 1:15
  system
• 1:16
  regulation,
• 1:17
  self-trust,
• 1:17
  and
• 1:17
  learning
• 1:18
  how
• 1:18
  to
• 1:18
  stop
• 1:18
  living
• 1:19
  from
• 1:19
  old
• 1:19
  survival
• 1:19
  patterns.
• 1:21
  Psychological
• 1:21
  flexibility
• 1:22
  is
• 1:22
  the
• 1:22
  ability
• 1:23
  to
• 1:23
  have
• 1:23
  hard
• 1:24
  thoughts,
• 1:24
  hard
• 1:25
  emotions,
• 1:25
  hard
• 1:26
  memories,
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  hard
• 1:27
  moments
• 1:27
  without
• 1:28
  allowing
• 1:28
  them
• 1:29
  to
• 1:29
  control
• 1:29
  the
• 1:30
  decisions
• 1:30
  that
• 1:30
  you
• 1:30
  make.
• 1:31
  And
• 1:31
  this
• 1:31
  is
• 1:32
  huge
• 1:33
  because
• 1:33
  healing
• 1:33
  is
• 1:33
  not
• 1:34
  about
• 1:34
  never
• 1:34
  getting
• 1:35
  triggered
• 1:35
  again.
• 1:36
  Healing
• 1:36
  is
• 1:36
  not
• 1:36
  about
• 1:36
  waking
• 1:37
  up
• 1:37
  every
• 1:37
  day
• 1:37
  and
• 1:37
  never
• 1:38
  feeling
• 1:38
  anxious,
• 1:38
  sad,
• 1:39
  lonely,
• 1:39
  scared,
• 1:40
  rejected,
• 1:40
  overwhelmed,
• 1:41
  or
• 1:41
  afraid.
• 1:42
  Healing
• 1:43
  is
• 1:43
  about
• 1:43
  being
• 1:43
  able
• 1:44
  to
• 1:44
  say,
• 1:45
  "I
• 1:45
  am
• 1:45
  having
• 1:46
  this
• 1:46
  feeling,
• 1:47
  but
• 1:47
  I
• 1:47
  do
• 1:47
  not
• 1:48
  have
• 1:48
  to
• 1:48
  become
• 1:49
  this
• 1:49
  feeling.
• 1:50
  I'm
• 1:51
  thinking
• 1:51
  this
• 1:51
  thought
• 1:51
  or
• 1:52
  I'm
• 1:52
  having
• 1:52
  this
• 1:52
  thought,
• 1:53
  but
• 1:53
  I
• 1:53
  don't
• 1:53
  have
• 1:53
  to
• 1:53
  follow
• 1:54
  this
• 1:54
  thought."
• 1:55
  Or
• 1:55
  you
• 1:55
  can
• 1:55
  even
• 1:55
  be
• 1:56
  saying
• 1:56
  to
• 1:56
  yourself,
• 1:56
  "I
• 1:57
  can
• 1:57
  feel
• 1:57
  uncomfortable
• 1:58
  and
• 1:58
  still
• 1:59
  choose
• 1:59
  what
• 1:59
  is
• 1:59
  healthy
• 2:00
  for
• 2:00
  me
• 2:01
  all
• 2:01
  at
• 2:01
  the
• 2:01
  same
• 2:02
  time."
• 2:02
  The
• 2:02
  good
• 2:03
  and
• 2:03
  the
• 2:03
  bad
• 2:04
  can
• 2:04
  exist
• 2:05
  together.
• 2:06
  That
• 2:06
  is
• 2:06
  self-trust.
• 2:07
  Today,
• 2:08
  I
• 2:08
  wanna
• 2:08
  teach
• 2:08
  you
• 2:08
  a
• 2:08
  simple
• 2:09
  tool
• 2:09
  that
• 2:09
  you
• 2:09
  can
• 2:10
  use
• 2:10
  immediately
• 2:11
  when
• 2:11
  your
• 2:11
  mind
• 2:11
  starts
• 2:12
  running
• 2:12
  the
• 2:12
  show.
• 2:13
  You
• 2:13
  know
• 2:13
  I
• 2:13
  like
• 2:14
  to
• 2:14
  have
• 2:14
  some
• 2:14
  kind
• 2:15
  of
• 2:15
  system
• 2:15
  in
• 2:16
  place,
• 2:16
  right?
• 2:17
  I
• 2:17
  call
• 2:17
  it
• 2:17
  the
• 2:17
  notice,
• 2:18
  name,
• 2:18
  and
• 2:18
  next
• 2:19
  step
• 2:19
  This
• 2:19
  is
• 2:19
  for
• 2:20
  the
• 2:20
  moment
• 2:20
  you
• 2:20
  start
• 2:21
  to
• 2:21
  spiral,
• 2:21
  the
• 2:21
  moment
• 2:22
  you
• 2:22
  get
• 2:22
  a
• 2:22
  text
• 2:22
  and
• 2:23
  your
• 2:23
  stomach
• 2:23
  drops.
• 2:24
  Think
• 2:24
  about
• 2:24
  this.
• 2:25
  The
• 2:25
  moment
• 2:25
  you're
• 2:25
  about
• 2:25
  to
• 2:26
  say
• 2:26
  yes
• 2:26
  when
• 2:26
  you
• 2:26
  really
• 2:27
  wanna
• 2:27
  say
• 2:27
  no,
• 2:28
  the
• 2:28
  moment
• 2:28
  you
• 2:28
  wanna
• 2:28
  cancel
• 2:29
  something
• 2:29
  because
• 2:30
  you're
• 2:30
  afraid
• 2:30
  of
• 2:31
  what
• 2:31
  it's
• 2:31
  gonna
• 2:31
  turn
• 2:31
  into,
• 2:32
  or
• 2:32
  you're
• 2:32
  afraid
• 2:32
  that
• 2:32
  you're
• 2:33
  not
• 2:33
  gonna
• 2:33
  fit
• 2:33
  in,
• 2:34
  or
• 2:34
  you're
• 2:34
  afraid
• 2:34
  you're
• 2:34
  gonna
• 2:35
  be
• 2:35
  the
• 2:35
  wrong
• 2:35
  person
• 2:36
  to
• 2:36
  be
• 2:36
  there,
• 2:37
  or
• 2:37
  the
• 2:37
  moment
• 2:38
  you
• 2:38
  wake
• 2:38
  up
• 2:38
  at
• 2:38
  3:00
• 2:39
  in
• 2:39
  the
• 2:39
  morning
• 2:39
  this
• 2:39
  is
• 2:39
  what
• 2:40
  I
• 2:40
  want
• 2:40
  you
• 2:40
  to
• 2:40
  do
• 2:40
  in
• 2:41
  those
• 2:41
  moments
• 2:42
  when
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  rubber
• 2:42
  hits
• 2:42
  the
• 2:42
  road,
• 2:43
  when
• 2:43
  you
• 2:43
  gotta
• 2:44
  act.
• 2:44
  Number
• 2:45
  one,
• 2:45
  I
• 2:46
  want
• 2:46
  you
• 2:46
  to
• 2:46
  just
• 2:46
  notice
• 2:47
  what
• 2:47
  is
• 2:47
  happening.
• 2:48
  Before
• 2:48
  you
• 2:48
  try
• 2:48
  to
• 2:49
  fix
• 2:49
  it,
• 2:49
  solve
• 2:50
  it,
• 2:50
  analyze
• 2:50
  it,
• 2:50
  or
• 2:50
  make
• 2:51
  a
• 2:51
  decision,
• 2:51
  pause
• 2:52
  and
• 2:52
  just
• 2:52
  ask
• 2:53
  yourself,
• 2:53
  "What
• 2:54
  is
• 2:54
  happening
• 2:54
  inside
• 2:55
  of
• 2:55
  me
• 2:55
  right
• 2:55
  now?"
• 2:56
  Not
• 2:56
  what
• 2:56
  happened
• 2:57
  10
• 2:57
  years
• 2:57
  ago,
• 2:58
  not
• 2:58
  what
• 2:58
  might
• 2:59
  happen
• 2:59
  tomorrow,
• 3:00
  not
• 3:00
  what
• 3:00
  you
• 3:00
  think
• 3:00
  someone
• 3:01
  else
• 3:01
  is
• 3:01
  thinking,
• 3:02
  but
• 3:02
  what
• 3:02
  is
• 3:02
  happening
• 3:03
  right
• 3:03
  now,
• 3:03
  the
• 3:04
  facts.
• 3:05
  Maybe
• 3:05
  your
• 3:05
  chest
• 3:05
  feels
• 3:06
  tight.
• 3:06
  Maybe
• 3:06
  your
• 3:07
  stomach
• 3:07
  feels
• 3:07
  sick.
• 3:08
  Maybe
• 3:08
  your
• 3:08
  jaw
• 3:09
  is
• 3:09
  clenched.
• 3:10
  Maybe
• 3:10
  your
• 3:10
  shoulders
• 3:11
  are
• 3:11
  up
• 3:11
  around
• 3:11
  your
• 3:12
  neck.
• 3:12
  You
• 3:12
  ever
• 3:12
  seen
• 3:12
  people
• 3:12
  walking
• 3:13
  around
• 3:13
  like
• 3:13
  that?
• 3:14
  Maybe
• 3:14
  your
• 3:14
  mind
• 3:15
  is
• 3:15
  racing.
• 3:16
  Maybe
• 3:16
  you
• 3:17
  feel
• 3:17
  heat
• 3:17
  in
• 3:17
  your
• 3:18
  face,
• 3:18
  you're
• 3:18
  burning
• 3:19
  up.
• 3:19
  There's
• 3:19
  all
• 3:20
  these
• 3:20
  different
• 3:20
  things
• 3:20
  you
• 3:20
  could
• 3:21
  be
• 3:21
  feeling,
• 3:22
  just
• 3:22
  notice
• 3:22
  it.
• 3:23
  Because
• 3:23
  when
• 3:23
  you
• 3:24
  grew
• 3:24
  up
• 3:24
  in
• 3:24
  this
• 3:24
  kind
• 3:24
  of
• 3:24
  dysfunction,
• 3:25
  your
• 3:25
  body
• 3:26
  learned
• 3:27
  to
• 3:27
  react
• 3:27
  before
• 3:28
  your
• 3:28
  conscious
• 3:28
  mind
• 3:29
  even
• 3:29
  knew
• 3:30
  what
• 3:30
  was
• 3:30
  happening.
• 3:31
  Your
• 3:31
  nervous
• 3:31
  system
• 3:32
  is
• 3:33
  flagged
• 3:33
  immediately.
• 3:34
  It
• 3:34
  says,
• 3:34
  woo,
• 3:34
  woo.
• 3:34
  Danger.
• 3:35
  Danger."
• 3:36
  But
• 3:36
  that
• 3:37
  does
• 3:37
  not
• 3:37
  automatically
• 3:37
  mean
• 3:38
  you're
• 3:38
  in
• 3:38
  danger.
• 3:39
  It
• 3:39
  may
• 3:39
  mean
• 3:40
  your
• 3:40
  body
• 3:40
  remembers
• 3:41
  danger.
• 3:42
  That
• 3:42
  is
• 3:42
  different.
• 3:43
  That
• 3:43
  is
• 3:43
  100%
• 3:44
  different.
• 3:45
  And
• 3:45
  this
• 3:46
  is
• 3:46
  where
• 3:46
  I
• 3:46
  want
• 3:46
  you
• 3:46
  to
• 3:46
  get
• 3:46
  out
• 3:47
  of
• 3:47
  your
• 3:47
  head
• 3:47
  and
• 3:47
  get
• 3:47
  into
• 3:48
  your
• 3:48
  body.
• 3:49
  Put
• 3:49
  your
• 3:49
  feet
• 3:49
  on
• 3:49
  the
• 3:49
  floor,
• 3:50
  take
• 3:51
  one
• 3:51
  slow
• 3:51
  breath
• 3:51
  in,
• 3:52
  and
• 3:52
  then
• 3:52
  a
• 3:52
  longer
• 3:53
  breath
• 3:53
  out.
• 3:54
  Look
• 3:55
  around
• 3:55
  the
• 3:55
  room
• 3:55
  and
• 3:55
  name
• 3:56
  a
• 3:56
  couple
• 3:56
  things
• 3:56
  that
• 3:56
  you
• 3:57
  could
• 3:57
  see.
• 3:58
  Feel
• 3:58
  the
• 3:58
  chair
• 3:58
  under
• 3:59
  you.
• 3:59
  Use
• 3:59
  your
• 3:59
  senses.
• 4:00
  Feel
• 4:01
  your
• 4:01
  feet
• 4:01
  on
• 4:01
  the
• 4:01
  ground.
• 4:02
  Bring
• 4:02
  yourself
• 4:03
  back
• 4:03
  to
• 4:03
  the
• 4:03
  present
• 4:04
  moment,
• 4:05
  because
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  cannot
• 4:06
  make
• 4:06
  a
• 4:06
  present
• 4:06
  day
• 4:07
  decision
• 4:07
  if
• 4:07
  your
• 4:08
  body
• 4:08
  is
• 4:08
  still
• 4:08
  reacting
• 4:10
  to
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  past.
• 4:11
  So
• 4:12
  step
• 4:12
  two,
• 4:13
  name
• 4:13
  the
• 4:13
  thought
• 4:14
  instead
• 4:14
  of
• 4:14
  becoming
• 4:15
  the
• 4:15
  thought.
• 4:16
  Instead
• 4:16
  of
• 4:16
  saying,
• 4:16
  "I
• 4:16
  am
• 4:17
  not
• 4:17
  good
• 4:17
  enough,"
• 4:18
  try
• 4:18
  saying,
• 4:18
  I
• 4:19
  am
• 4:19
  noticing
• 4:20
  that
• 4:20
  I'm
• 4:20
  having
• 4:20
  the
• 4:21
  thought
• 4:21
  that
• 4:21
  I'm
• 4:21
  not
• 4:21
  good
• 4:22
  enough."
• 4:23
  Instead
• 4:23
  of
• 4:23
  saying,
• 4:24
  "They're
• 4:24
  probably
• 4:24
  going
• 4:24
  to
• 4:25
  leave
• 4:25
  me,"
• 4:26
  try
• 4:26
  saying,
• 4:26
  "I'm
• 4:27
  noticing
• 4:27
  that
• 4:27
  my
• 4:27
  mind
• 4:28
  is
• 4:28
  telling
• 4:28
  me
• 4:29
  that
• 4:29
  they're
• 4:29
  going
• 4:29
  to
• 4:29
  leave
• 4:29
  me."
• 4:31
  Instead
• 4:31
  of
• 4:31
  saying,
• 4:32
  "I'm
• 4:32
  going
• 4:33
  to
• 4:33
  fail,"
• 4:34
  try
• 4:34
  saying,
• 4:35
  "I'm
• 4:35
  having
• 4:36
  the
• 4:36
  fear
• 4:37
  that
• 4:37
  I'm
• 4:37
  going
• 4:37
  to
• 4:37
  fail."
• 4:38
  Do
• 4:38
  you
• 4:38
  see
• 4:38
  the
• 4:39
  difference
• 4:39
  in
• 4:39
  these
• 4:39
  comments
• 4:40
  or
• 4:40
  questions?
• 4:41
  You're
• 4:41
  creating
• 4:41
  space.
• 4:42
  You're
• 4:43
  not
• 4:43
  pretending
• 4:43
  the
• 4:43
  thought
• 4:44
  is
• 4:44
  not
• 4:44
  there.
• 4:44
  You're
• 4:45
  not
• 4:45
  trying
• 4:45
  to
• 4:45
  force
• 4:45
  yourself
• 4:46
  into
• 4:46
  fake
• 4:46
  positivity.
• 4:48
  You're
• 4:48
  not
• 4:48
  saying,
• 4:48
  "No,
• 4:49
  I'm
• 4:49
  amazing,
• 4:49
  and
• 4:49
  everything
• 4:50
  is
• 4:50
  perfect.
• 4:50
  Everything's
• 4:51
  good."
• 4:51
  You're
• 4:51
  simply
• 4:52
  saying,
• 4:53
  "My
• 4:53
  mind
• 4:53
  is
• 4:53
  offering
• 4:54
  me
• 4:54
  this
• 4:54
  thought
• 4:55
  right
• 4:55
  now."
• 4:56
  So
• 4:56
  that
• 4:56
  means
• 4:56
  you
• 4:56
  don't
• 4:57
  have
• 4:57
  to
• 4:57
  agree
• 4:57
  with
• 4:57
  it.
• 4:58
  Because
• 4:58
  when
• 4:58
  you
• 4:58
  create
• 4:59
  that
• 4:59
  tiny
• 4:59
  little
• 5:00
  bit
• 5:00
  of
• 5:00
  space,
• 5:01
  get
• 5:01
  your
• 5:01
  own
• 5:01
  power
• 5:01
  back.
• 5:02
  Because
• 5:03
  your
• 5:03
  mind
• 5:03
  can
• 5:03
  be
• 5:03
  loud.
• 5:04
  Your
• 5:04
  mind
• 5:04
  can
• 5:04
  be
• 5:04
  so
• 5:05
  convincing.
• 5:06
  Your
• 5:06
  mind
• 5:06
  can
• 5:06
  bring
• 5:07
  up
• 5:07
  old
• 5:07
  memories,
• 5:08
  old
• 5:08
  fears,
• 5:08
  old
• 5:09
  shame,
• 5:09
  old
• 5:09
  beliefs,
• 5:10
  and
• 5:10
  old
• 5:10
  survival
• 5:11
  rules.
• 5:12
  But
• 5:12
  your
• 5:12
  mind
• 5:12
  is
• 5:12
  not
• 5:13
  always
• 5:13
  current
• 5:15
  Sometimes
• 5:15
  your
• 5:15
  mind
• 5:16
  is
• 5:16
  trying
• 5:16
  to
• 5:16
  protect
• 5:16
  you
• 5:17
  from
• 5:17
  something
• 5:17
  that
• 5:17
  happened
• 5:18
  many
• 5:18
  years
• 5:18
  ago.
• 5:19
  And
• 5:19
  you
• 5:19
  can
• 5:19
  lovingly
• 5:20
  say,
• 5:21
  "Thank
• 5:21
  you,
• 5:21
  mind.
• 5:21
  I
• 5:21
  know
• 5:22
  you're
• 5:22
  trying
• 5:22
  to
• 5:22
  protect
• 5:22
  me,
• 5:22
  but
• 5:23
  right
• 5:23
  now
• 5:23
  I'm
• 5:23
  safe
• 5:23
  enough
• 5:24
  to
• 5:24
  choose
• 5:24
  differently."
• 5:25
  That
• 5:25
  is
• 5:25
  not
• 5:25
  ignoring
• 5:26
  your
• 5:26
  past.
• 5:27
  That
• 5:27
  is
• 5:27
  honoring
• 5:28
  the
• 5:28
  part
• 5:28
  of
• 5:28
  you
• 5:28
  that
• 5:29
  survived
• 5:29
  it,
• 5:29
  while
• 5:30
  allowing
• 5:30
  the
• 5:30
  adult
• 5:31
  version
• 5:31
  of
• 5:31
  you
• 5:32
  to
• 5:32
  lead.
• 5:33
  So
• 5:34
  step
• 5:34
  three,
• 5:35
  choose
• 5:36
  your
• 5:36
  next
• 5:36
  healthy
• 5:37
  step.
• 5:38
  This
• 5:38
  is
• 5:38
  where
• 5:38
  healing
• 5:39
  becomes
• 5:39
  action.
• 5:40
  After
• 5:40
  you
• 5:40
  notice
• 5:41
  your
• 5:41
  body
• 5:41
  and
• 5:41
  name
• 5:41
  the
• 5:41
  thought,
• 5:42
  just
• 5:42
  ask
• 5:42
  yourself,
• 5:43
  "What
• 5:43
  is
• 5:44
  one
• 5:44
  small
• 5:44
  thing
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  can
• 5:45
  do
• 5:45
  right
• 5:45
  now
• 5:46
  that
• 5:46
  aligns
• 5:46
  with
• 5:46
  the
• 5:46
  person
• 5:47
  I
• 5:47
  want
• 5:47
  to
• 5:47
  become?"
• 5:48
  Not
• 5:48
  the
• 5:48
  perfect
• 5:49
  thing,
• 5:49
  not
• 5:49
  the
• 5:49
  biggest
• 5:50
  thing,
• 5:50
  not
• 5:50
  the
• 5:50
  most
• 5:51
  dramatic
• 5:51
  thing,
• 5:52
  not
• 5:52
  the
• 5:52
  thing
• 5:53
  that
• 5:53
  makes
• 5:53
  even
• 5:54
  uncomfortable
• 5:55
  feelings
• 5:56
  even
• 5:57
  worse.
• 5:58
  Just
• 5:58
  the
• 5:58
  next
• 5:58
  healthy
• 5:59
  step.
• 6:00
  Maybe
• 6:00
  it's
• 6:00
  drinking
• 6:00
  some
• 6:00
  water.
• 6:01
  Maybe
• 6:01
  it's
• 6:01
  going
• 6:01
  for
• 6:02
  a
• 6:02
  walk.
• 6:03
  Maybe
• 6:03
  it's
• 6:03
  waiting
• 6:03
  20
• 6:04
  minutes
• 6:04
  before
• 6:04
  you
• 6:05
  respond
• 6:05
  at
• 6:05
  all.
• 6:06
  Maybe
• 6:06
  it's
• 6:06
  saying,
• 6:07
  "Let
• 6:07
  me
• 6:07
  think
• 6:07
  about
• 6:08
  that,"
• 6:08
  and
• 6:08
  pausing,
• 6:09
  and
• 6:09
  just
• 6:09
  taking
• 6:10
  the
• 6:10
  pause.
• 6:11
  Maybe
• 6:11
  it's
• 6:11
  not
• 6:12
  apologizing
• 6:12
  for
• 6:13
  something
• 6:13
  you
• 6:13
  did.
• 6:15
  But
• 6:15
  do
• 6:16
  what's
• 6:16
  going
• 6:16
  to
• 6:16
  feel
• 6:17
  right.
• 6:17
  Maybe
• 6:18
  it's
• 6:18
  saying
• 6:18
  no.
• 6:19
  There
• 6:19
  are
• 6:19
  so
• 6:20
  many
• 6:20
  things
• 6:20
  that
• 6:20
  you
• 6:20
  can
• 6:21
  do.
• 6:22
  But
• 6:22
  the
• 6:22
  most
• 6:22
  important
• 6:23
  thing
• 6:23
  is
• 6:23
  these
• 6:24
  decisions
• 6:24
  that
• 6:24
  you
• 6:24
  make,
• 6:25
  these
• 6:25
  small
• 6:25
  decisions,
• 6:26
  they
• 6:26
  need
• 6:26
  to
• 6:27
  be
• 6:27
  based
• 6:27
  on
• 6:27
  your
• 6:28
  values.
• 6:28
  And
• 6:30
  that's
• 6:30
  another
• 6:30
  thing
• 6:30
  that
• 6:30
  Dr.
• 6:31
  Murray
• 6:31
  talked
• 6:31
  about
• 6:32
  that
• 6:32
  I
• 6:32
  loved.
• 6:33
  Values
• 6:33
  are
• 6:33
  not
• 6:33
  a
• 6:33
  checklist.
• 6:34
  Values
• 6:35
  are
• 6:35
  a
• 6:35
  compass.
• 6:36
  If
• 6:37
  one
• 6:37
  of
• 6:37
  your
• 6:37
  values
• 6:37
  is
• 6:38
  honesty,
• 6:39
  what
• 6:39
  is
• 6:39
  the
• 6:39
  next
• 6:40
  honest
• 6:40
  step
• 6:41
  that
• 6:41
  you
• 6:41
  can
• 6:41
  take?
• 6:42
  Think
• 6:42
  about
• 6:42
  that.
• 6:43
  If
• 6:43
  one
• 6:43
  of
• 6:43
  your
• 6:43
  values
• 6:44
  is
• 6:44
  peace,
• 6:45
  what
• 6:45
  is
• 6:45
  the
• 6:45
  next
• 6:45
  peaceful
• 6:46
  step?
• 6:47
  Discern
• 6:48
  that.
• 6:48
  If
• 6:48
  one
• 6:49
  of
• 6:49
  your
• 6:49
  values
• 6:49
  is
• 6:49
  self-respect,
• 6:51
  what
• 6:51
  is
• 6:51
  the
• 6:51
  next
• 6:52
  self-respecting
• 6:53
  step?
• 6:54
  Because
• 6:54
  when
• 6:54
  you
• 6:54
  do
• 6:55
  not
• 6:55
  know
• 6:55
  what
• 6:55
  you
• 6:55
  value,
• 6:56
  you
• 6:56
  will
• 6:56
  keep
• 6:57
  living
• 6:57
  by
• 6:57
  everybody
• 6:58
  else's
• 6:58
  rules.
• 6:59
  You'll
• 6:59
  keep
• 6:59
  saying
• 7:00
  yes
• 7:00
  because
• 7:00
  you
• 7:01
  don't
• 7:01
  want
• 7:01
  people
• 7:01
  to
• 7:01
  be
• 7:01
  mad
• 7:01
  at
• 7:02
  you.
• 7:02
  You'll
• 7:02
  keep
• 7:02
  accepting
• 7:03
  crumbs
• 7:03
  because
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  don't
• 7:04
  think
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  deserve
• 7:05
  more.
• 7:06
  You'll
• 7:06
  keep
• 7:06
  over-explaining
• 7:07
  because
• 7:07
  you're
• 7:07
  afraid
• 7:08
  someone
• 7:08
  will
• 7:08
  misunderstand
• 7:09
  you.
• 7:10
  But
• 7:10
  your
• 7:10
  values
• 7:11
  help
• 7:11
  you
• 7:11
  come
• 7:11
  back
• 7:12
  home
• 7:12
  to
• 7:12
  yourself.
• 7:13
  So
• 7:13
  Let
• 7:13
  me
• 7:14
  give
• 7:14
  you
• 7:14
  a
• 7:14
  few
• 7:14
  examples
• 7:14
  here.
• 7:15
  Let's
• 7:16
  say
• 7:16
  someone
• 7:16
  sends
• 7:16
  you
• 7:16
  a
• 7:17
  text
• 7:17
  that
• 7:17
  feels
• 7:17
  cold.
• 7:18
  Your
• 7:19
  old
• 7:19
  pattern
• 7:19
  might
• 7:20
  be,
• 7:20
  "Oh,
• 7:20
  my
• 7:20
  gosh.
• 7:21
  They're
• 7:21
  mad
• 7:21
  at
• 7:21
  me.
• 7:22
  What
• 7:22
  did
• 7:22
  I
• 7:22
  do?
• 7:22
  I
• 7:22
  need
• 7:23
  to
• 7:23
  fix
• 7:23
  this.
• 7:23
  I
• 7:23
  need
• 7:24
  to
• 7:24
  send
• 7:24
  another
• 7:24
  text.
• 7:25
  I
• 7:25
  need
• 7:25
  to
• 7:25
  explain.
• 7:26
  I
• 7:26
  need
• 7:26
  to
• 7:26
  apologize."
• 7:27
  But
• 7:27
  instead,
• 7:28
  just
• 7:28
  pause.
• 7:29
  Notice
• 7:30
  in
• 7:30
  your
• 7:30
  body,
• 7:31
  "My
• 7:31
  chest
• 7:31
  is
• 7:32
  tight.
• 7:32
  My
• 7:32
  stomach
• 7:33
  dropped.
• 7:34
  I
• 7:34
  feel
• 7:34
  urgency."
• 7:35
  Then
• 7:35
  you
• 7:35
  name
• 7:36
  the
• 7:36
  thought.
• 7:37
  I'm
• 7:38
  noticing
• 7:38
  that
• 7:38
  my
• 7:38
  mind
• 7:39
  is
• 7:39
  telling
• 7:39
  me
• 7:40
  they
• 7:40
  are
• 7:40
  mad
• 7:40
  at
• 7:40
  me.
• 7:42
  Then
• 7:42
  you
• 7:42
  choose
• 7:42
  your
• 7:42
  next
• 7:43
  healthy
• 7:43
  step.
• 7:44
  If
• 7:44
  I
• 7:44
  value
• 7:45
  self-respect
• 7:46
  and
• 7:46
  calm,
• 7:47
  my
• 7:47
  next
• 7:47
  step
• 7:48
  is
• 7:48
  to
• 7:48
  not
• 7:48
  chase,
• 7:49
  explain,
• 7:49
  or
• 7:49
  panic.
• 7:50
  My
• 7:50
  next
• 7:51
  step
• 7:51
  is
• 7:51
  to
• 7:51
  wait,
• 7:52
  regulate,
• 7:53
  and
• 7:53
  respond
• 7:54
  when
• 7:54
  I
• 7:54
  have
• 7:54
  actual
• 7:55
  information.
• 7:56
  That
• 7:57
  is
• 7:57
  psychological
• 7:58
  flexibility.
• 7:59
  That
• 7:59
  is
• 7:59
  nervous
• 7:59
  system
• 8:00
  regulation.
• 8:01
  That
• 8:01
  is
• 8:01
  self-trust,
• 8:02
  and
• 8:02
  that
• 8:02
  is
• 8:03
  a
• 8:03
  skill
• 8:04
  that
• 8:04
  it
• 8:04
  takes
• 8:04
  a
• 8:04
  while
• 8:05
  to
• 8:05
  develop.
• 8:06
  Doesn't
• 8:06
  happen
• 8:06
  overnight.
• 8:07
  You
• 8:07
  may
• 8:07
  have
• 8:08
  spent
• 8:08
  30,
• 8:08
  40,
• 8:08
  50
• 8:09
  years
• 8:09
  believing
• 8:10
  that
• 8:10
  every
• 8:10
  anxious
• 8:11
  thought
• 8:11
  you
• 8:11
  had
• 8:11
  was
• 8:12
  a
• 8:12
  warning
• 8:12
  for
• 8:12
  you
• 8:12
  to
• 8:12
  follow,
• 8:13
  so
• 8:14
  don't
• 8:14
  expect
• 8:14
  yourself
• 8:15
  to
• 8:15
  become
• 8:15
  a
• 8:15
  completely
• 8:16
  different
• 8:16
  person
• 8:16
  tomorrow.
• 8:17
  But
• 8:17
  you
• 8:17
  can
• 8:18
  start
• 8:18
  practicing
• 8:19
  today.
• 8:19
  You
• 8:20
  could
• 8:20
  start
• 8:20
  noticing.
• 8:21
  You
• 8:21
  could
• 8:21
  start
• 8:21
  naming.
• 8:22
  You
• 8:22
  could
• 8:22
  start
• 8:22
  choosing
• 8:23
  one
• 8:23
  healthy
• 8:24
  next
• 8:24
  step,
• 8:25
  and
• 8:25
  every
• 8:25
  time
• 8:25
  you
• 8:25
  do,
• 8:26
  you're
• 8:26
  teaching
• 8:26
  your
• 8:26
  nervous
• 8:26
  system
• 8:27
  something
• 8:27
  very
• 8:27
  important.
• 8:28
  You're
• 8:29
  teaching
• 8:29
  it
• 8:29
  that
• 8:29
  you
• 8:29
  don't
• 8:30
  have
• 8:30
  to
• 8:30
  live
• 8:30
  in
• 8:30
  the
• 8:30
  past
• 8:30
  anymore,
• 8:31
  that
• 8:32
  you
• 8:32
  don't
• 8:32
  have
• 8:32
  to
• 8:32
  let
• 8:32
  fear
• 8:33
  make
• 8:33
  your
• 8:33
  decisions,
• 8:34
  and
• 8:34
  that
• 8:34
  you
• 8:35
  can
• 8:35
  feel
• 8:35
  uncomfortable
• 8:36
  and
• 8:36
  still
• 8:36
  choose
• 8:37
  what
• 8:37
  is
• 8:37
  good
• 8:37
  for
• 8:37
  you.
• 8:38
  That
• 8:38
  is
• 8:39
  so
• 8:39
  powerful.
• 8:40
  So
• 8:40
  this
• 8:41
  week,
• 8:41
  I
• 8:41
  want
• 8:41
  you
• 8:41
  to
• 8:41
  practice
• 8:42
  something.
• 8:42
  I
• 8:42
  want
• 8:43
  you
• 8:43
  to
• 8:43
  write
• 8:43
  this
• 8:43
  down
• 8:44
  somewhere
• 8:44
  where
• 8:44
  you
• 8:44
  can
• 8:44
  see
• 8:44
  it.
• 8:45
  I
• 8:45
  want
• 8:45
  you
• 8:46
  to
• 8:46
  write
• 8:46
  down
• 8:46
  these
• 8:46
  four
• 8:47
  words:
• 8:48
  notice,
• 8:49
  name,
• 8:50
  next
• 8:50
  step.
• 8:52
  And
• 8:52
  the
• 8:52
  next
• 8:52
  time
• 8:53
  you're
• 8:53
  triggered,
• 8:53
  anxious,
• 8:54
  overwhelmed,
• 8:54
  people-pleasing,
• 8:55
  catastrophizing,
• 8:56
  or
• 8:56
  feeling
• 8:56
  that
• 8:57
  you
• 8:57
  are
• 8:57
  about
• 8:57
  to
• 8:57
  abandon
• 8:58
  yourself,
• 8:58
  use
• 8:59
  this
• 8:59
  method.
• 9:00
  Again,
• 9:01
  notice.
• 9:02
  Notice
• 9:02
  what
• 9:02
  is
• 9:02
  happening
• 9:03
  in
• 9:03
  your
• 9:03
  body
• 9:03
  right
• 9:04
  now.
• 9:04
  Two,
• 9:05
  name
• 9:05
  it.
• 9:06
  What
• 9:06
  thought
• 9:06
  is
• 9:07
  my
• 9:07
  mind
• 9:07
  offering
• 9:08
  to
• 9:08
  me
• 9:08
  right
• 9:08
  now?
• 9:09
  And
• 9:09
  three,
• 9:10
  next
• 9:10
  step.
• 9:11
  What
• 9:11
  is
• 9:11
  one
• 9:11
  small
• 9:12
  action
• 9:12
  that
• 9:12
  aligns
• 9:13
  with
• 9:13
  my
• 9:13
  values
• 9:14
  instead
• 9:14
  of
• 9:14
  my
• 9:14
  fear?
• 9:15
  You
• 9:15
  don't
• 9:16
  have
• 9:16
  to
• 9:16
  get
• 9:16
  rid
• 9:16
  of
• 9:16
  the
• 9:16
  thought,
• 9:17
  my
• 9:17
  friends.
• 9:17
  We
• 9:17
  don't
• 9:17
  have
• 9:18
  to
• 9:18
  prove
• 9:18
  the
• 9:18
  thought
• 9:18
  wrong.
• 9:19
  You
• 9:19
  just
• 9:20
  have
• 9:20
  to
• 9:20
  stop
• 9:20
  giving
• 9:21
  the
• 9:21
  thought
• 9:21
  the
• 9:22
  key
• 9:22
  to
• 9:22
  your
• 9:22
  life,
• 9:23
  honestly.
• 9:24
  So
• 9:24
  if
• 9:24
  this
• 9:25
  episode
• 9:25
  helped
• 9:26
  you,
• 9:26
  go
• 9:26
  back
• 9:26
  and
• 9:26
  listen
• 9:27
  to
• 9:27
  my
• 9:27
  full
• 9:27
  conversation
• 9:28
  with
• 9:28
  Dr.
• 9:28
  Elizabeth
• 9:28
  Marragh.
• 9:29
  We
• 9:29
  talked
• 9:29
  about
• 9:30
  psychological
• 9:30
  flexibility,
• 9:31
  acceptance
• 9:32
  in
• 9:32
  commitment
• 9:32
  therapy,
• 9:33
  why
• 9:33
  pain
• 9:34
  and
• 9:34
  healing
• 9:34
  can
• 9:34
  exist
• 9:35
  at
• 9:35
  the
• 9:35
  same
• 9:35
  time,
• 9:36
  and
• 9:36
  how
• 9:36
  to
• 9:36
  find
• 9:36
  a
• 9:36
  therapist
• 9:37
  who
• 9:37
  actually
• 9:37
  makes
• 9:37
  you
• 9:38
  feel
• 9:38
  safe,
• 9:39
  seen,
• 9:39
  and
• 9:40
  heard.
• 9:41
  And
• 9:41
  if
• 9:41
  someone
• 9:41
  you
• 9:41
  know,
• 9:42
  or
• 9:42
  even
• 9:42
  yourself,
• 9:42
  are
• 9:43
  tired
• 9:43
  of
• 9:43
  living
• 9:43
  in
• 9:44
  survival
• 9:44
  mode,
• 9:45
  but
• 9:45
  you
• 9:45
  don't
• 9:45
  know
• 9:45
  where
• 9:45
  to
• 9:45
  begin,
• 9:46
  I
• 9:46
  would
• 9:46
  love
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  help
• 9:46
  support
• 9:47
  you.
• 9:47
  I
• 9:47
  work
• 9:47
  with
• 9:48
  people
• 9:48
  who
• 9:48
  are
• 9:48
  ready
• 9:48
  to
• 9:49
  understand
• 9:49
  their
• 9:49
  nervous
• 9:50
  system,
• 9:50
  stop
• 9:51
  repeating
• 9:51
  the
• 9:51
  same
• 9:51
  old
• 9:52
  patterns,
• 9:52
  build
• 9:52
  self-trust,
• 9:53
  and
• 9:53
  start
• 9:54
  creating
• 9:54
  a
• 9:54
  life
• 9:54
  that
• 9:54
  actually
• 9:55
  feels
• 9:55
  like
• 9:56
  theirs.
• 9:57
  You
• 9:57
  don't
• 9:57
  have
• 9:57
  to
• 9:57
  do
• 9:57
  this
• 9:57
  perfectly.
• 9:58
  I
• 9:58
  don't
• 9:58
  expect
• 9:59
  you
• 9:59
  to
• 9:59
  do
• 9:59
  this
• 9:59
  perfectly.
• 10:00
  Perfection
• 10:01
  is
• 10:01
  a
• 10:01
  myth
• 10:01
  anyway.
• 10:02
  You
• 10:02
  don't
• 10:02
  have
• 10:02
  to
• 10:02
  have
• 10:02
  it
• 10:03
  all
• 10:03
  figured
• 10:03
  out.
• 10:04
  You
• 10:04
  just
• 10:04
  have
• 10:04
  to
• 10:04
  be
• 10:04
  willing
• 10:05
  to
• 10:05
  take
• 10:05
  the
• 10:05
  next
• 10:06
  healthy
• 10:06
  step.
• 10:07
  So
• 10:07
  reach
• 10:07
  out
• 10:07
  to
• 10:07
  me
• 10:08
  for
• 10:08
  a
• 10:08
  free
• 10:08
  clarity
• 10:09
  and
• 10:09
  calm
• 10:09
  call,
• 10:09
  and
• 10:10
  let's
• 10:10
  talk
• 10:10
  And
• 10:10
  remember,
• 10:10
  your
• 10:14
  mind
• 10:14
  may
• 10:14
  have
• 10:14
  learned
• 10:14
  survival,
• 10:15
  but
• 10:16
  your
• 10:16
  body,
• 10:16
  your
• 10:16
  choices,
• 10:17
  and
• 10:17
  your
• 10:17
  life
• 10:18
  can
• 10:18
  still
• 10:18
  learn
• 10:19
  safety.
• 10:20
  So
• 10:20
  thank
• 10:20
  you
• 10:21
  so
• 10:21
  much,
• 10:21
  and
• 10:21
  until
• 10:22
  next
• 10:22
  time,
• 10:22
  I
• 10:22
  will
• 10:22
  see
• 10:23
  you
• 10:23
  back.
• 10:23
  Love
• 10:24
  you
• 10:24
  all.