Latest / You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women / 108. How to Set Goals You’ll Actually Follow Through On

Transcript

108. How to Set Goals You’ll Actually Follow Through On · You're Overqualified Podcast - Career and Leadership Strategies for Women

• 0:09
  Hi, I'm Danny Tan and if you are here, you are in the right
• 0:12
  place. Welcome to the Pivot and
• 0:13
  Promotion podcast where we say forget the rules because they
• 0:16
  weren't written for us. I'm Danny Tan, I'm your host as
• 0:19
  well as career and leadership coach and a proud advocate for
• 0:22
  redefining what success and leadership looks like.
• 0:25
  And here's what I know. You can lead at any level.
• 0:27
  You can pivot at any age, and you can make moves that feel
• 0:30
  right for you, whether you're climbing the perfect ladder,
• 0:33
  starting something completely new, or just figuring out your
• 0:35
  next step. I've got you covered with
• 0:37
  strategies, stories, and straight up inspiration.
• 0:40
  So let's make some moves. Hello.
• 0:47
  So on today's episode we were talking about how to set goals
• 0:51
  you'll actually follow through with and can potentially hit and
• 0:54
  make it happen. And the reason why is because a
• 0:57
  lot of the times we're setting goals, but we don't necessarily
• 1:00
  follow through with them. And that there's no like shade
• 1:03
  or they kind of like poke at you.
• 1:06
  But just to know that sometimes we do set a goal and we don't
• 1:09
  always achieve it. And maybe that resonates with
• 1:11
  you in some way, shape or form. And so I'm going to break down
• 1:14
  the three different phases of what it comes to and what does
• 1:17
  it entail to set goals that you'll actually follow through
• 1:20
  on. So phase one is the problem with
• 1:24
  how we typically set goals. So what is the problem?
• 1:26
  What is the problem? How we normally set goals?
• 1:28
  So a lot of the times when we're setting goals, there is some
• 1:33
  kind of pressure at play, right? You might say, oh, the goals
• 1:36
  should always have pressure. And we'll talk about that
• 1:38
  though. And then sometimes our
• 1:39
  perfectionism comes into play. And then there's also this, my
• 1:42
  least favorite, but very, very frequent.
• 1:44
  Someone else's expectations come into play when it comes to how
• 1:48
  we set our goals. So maybe you have set your goals
• 1:50
  and you have had all the intentions in the world, but you
• 1:53
  start to notice that it's the end of the year.
• 1:55
  You set them for the new year. February comes and you're like,
• 1:58
  wait a minute, my motivation disappeared.
• 2:00
  And then the cycle repeats. Set goal, really fiery for a
• 2:03
  little bit, then completely drops off and doesn't come to
• 2:06
  flourishing. And we were told, hey dream big.
• 2:09
  Just be consistent. But we know we're really taught
• 2:12
  how to build a system that supports us when our energy or
• 2:16
  clarity may dip. So for example, we're saying,
• 2:18
  hey, dream big, just be consistent, take consistent
• 2:21
  steps. But when are we actually taught
• 2:23
  to build a system and support for ourselves to achieve our
• 2:26
  goals? And so also how to identify when
• 2:28
  these things are coming up of maybe we have unnecessary,
• 2:32
  unnecessarily added pressure or too much perfectionism coming in
• 2:36
  or someone else's expectations are affecting how we set our
• 2:38
  goals for ourselves. And so, for example, I have a
• 2:41
  client who very clearly wanted to get promoted within her
• 2:44
  corporation. And when she was trying to get
• 2:47
  promoted before we met, she had set the set it out there.
• 2:49
  So I want to get promoted, I want to get promoted, I want to
• 2:52
  make more money. And she talked to her manager
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  like at one point in time. So when we started working
• 2:55
  together, she said, I just have never been promoted since I've
• 2:59
  asked. And so I asked her, do you have
• 3:01
  a why on why you want to get promoted?
• 3:02
  Like what is your rationale behind it, your reasoning?
• 3:05
  And then also, do you have a plan that you've ever tried
• 3:08
  before? Because I always ask, like, what
• 3:10
  have you tried before, before we start coaching?
• 3:12
  And she had said, well, I had mentioned it once, but, you
• 3:14
  know, nothing came to nothing came to be since that
• 3:17
  conversation. And so a big thing that I, you
• 3:20
  know, sat down with her was that if we have a goal, but we don't
• 3:23
  have a motive or an interest as to why we can lose our fire to
• 3:29
  go after it and achieve it. And so one of the questions I
• 3:31
  asked her is like, what is it that why do you want to be
• 3:33
  promoted? What is the why?
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  You know, is it money? Is it title?
• 3:39
  Is it because you want to work with a certain group of people?
• 3:41
  Is it certain skills you want to acquire?
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  And so that's always a big thing that you should ask yourself
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  because it's going to get tough achieving a goal.
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  It's not easy out the gate to consistently go after something.
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  And so you better have a good like carrot in front of you of
• 3:56
  what you're going to go after and why.
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  So that was a big thing we talked about then also having a
• 3:59
  plan and structure around it because if you don't have some
• 4:04
  kind of system in place of how you're going to achieve it, then
• 4:07
  it's just some lofty idea that you threw out there that you're
• 4:09
  just sitting out there without having a system or a plan in
• 4:12
  place for it. So that was the thing we really
• 4:14
  talked about for her was like, how can we frame why the goal is
• 4:17
  there and why does exist, You know, And for her, it was a big
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  thing about like embodying this leadership identity.
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  She had constantly been wanting to become and known more of a
• 4:25
  leader. And so for her, getting this
• 4:27
  promotion, you know, kind of helped cement that for her.
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  So fine, that's great. So what will leaders do then in
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  that scenario? So that's the things we tried to
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  incorporate within our goal setting and then also having
• 4:36
  structure on it. So versus having a conversation
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  as one and done, but actually making sure that she has
• 4:41
  structures and support. So for when she needs to
• 4:43
  continue to have those conversations with her manager,
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  how does she do that? So that panned out, So that was
• 4:49
  good. But I think a question that I
• 4:51
  really have for you when it comes to goal setting and how
• 4:54
  these problems or little speed bumps pop up is what is a goal
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  that you have set for yourself in the past that maybe you
• 5:01
  didn't stick to? And why?
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  Why was it? Why do you feel like maybe you
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  didn't hit that goal? Or what comes up when you kind
• 5:08
  of think about that question and stun it.
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  The next part is yes, like, you know, what is the problem on how
• 5:13
  we typically set goals of all the layers that come in.
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  But the second part, which I want to be helpful, is like a
• 5:18
  three-part framework that you can use.
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  And it's just like a simple strategy.
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  I think of it as a recipe and then there's three pieces to
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  this recipe. So goals are based on identity,
• 5:28
  structure and support. And then everything shifts once
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  you kind of have like a baseline understanding of how to like
• 5:34
  adjust the, the widgets for these of your identity, your
• 5:38
  structure and support, it helps. So the first thing is, you know,
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  this piece of like understanding the clarity.
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  It's not just about what you want, but why it matters and why
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  and what will it require. So similar to I was giving you
• 5:50
  the example previously, why do you want to go after this goal?
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  Like why is it important? Why does it matter?
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  Because if you don't have a why, then when things get tough and
• 5:59
  you get tired, you're just going to like drop off.
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  And then what will it require for it to happen?
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  So what is it going to require for you to make this happen?
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  Whether it's from how you organize your time, whether it's
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  if you have, you know, accountability, whether it is,
• 6:14
  you know, the kind of studying that you have to do for.
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  So what is it going to require for that to happen?
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  Because you have to have the motivation and the drive to make
• 6:21
  it happen of understanding your purpose, but also what are the
• 6:24
  different pieces or a take of the puzzle to put it together.
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  The second piece is structure because systems reduce decision
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  fatigue and they keep the momentum moving even when things
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  get busy. We love the excuse of like, oh,
• 6:36
  I just got really busy or I didn't have time or whichever,
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  or I just didn't know what to do next and I wasn't sure.
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  So you need to have some kind of system in place when you're
• 6:46
  having some kind of decision fatigue in order to keep you
• 6:49
  moving forward. It's the same thing when things
• 6:51
  get busy. How are you creating structure
• 6:53
  in either your schedule or that kind of ability that you have
• 6:56
  for yourself so you keep things moving forward?
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  So this is something that I definitely do with my clients.
• 7:00
  So if you're somebody who's like, I'm having issues with
• 7:02
  this, like you need to call me because the first thing that we
• 7:04
  do, decisions and not being able to make them will keep you
• 7:08
  stuck. And that's why you have to have
• 7:10
  structure on how to make them when you're feeling challenged.
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  And then because it'll just keep you comfortable, You'll stay
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  exactly where you were. You won't do something new
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  because it feels difficult and you won't have support to help
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  you. And so momentum will happen.
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  How will that happen? By making sure that you are able
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  to continue to make decisions even when you're busy.
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  So not letting like time get in the way, but being able to
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  structure your time because we prioritize the things that we
• 7:32
  actually want to do and that are important to us.
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  The third part is support. OK, so I always say every single
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  client when you meet me, even like on an intro call, a sales
• 7:42
  call, it does not matter. The first thing that I talk
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  about is how will you achieve this goal?
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  Like what do you need in order to achieve this goal?
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  And then what kind of support you need to achieve this goal?
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  And it's not like a plug in for you should have a coach.
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  The question is always comes back and this is how I frame it
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  is what was the time that you achieved a goal that you set for
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  yourself and what did you need in order to achieve it?
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  So for example, if you were trying to hit some kind of goal
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  within movement or sports or even a school project, I always
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  ask my clients or prospective clients in all honesty to say
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  like, hey, when you achieved it, what do you need to achieve it?
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  Because that tells me what kind of support plan you need in
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  order to hit a goal. The same question goes is what
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  support did you not have when you did not hit a goal?
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  Because that helps you. This is essentially mapping out
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  for you a support plan and structure on what you need in
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  order to achieve something. So again, this is a three-part
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  framework of what works. It's about clarity and
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  understanding your structure and the support that you need to
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  move things forward. So that is either by
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  understanding your why, what is required, the systems that help
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  you with decision fatigue, being able to keep momentum and
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  structure when things get busy and what support you need to
• 8:55
  make sure you're able to move forward.
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  That is accountability, buddy. Whether that's partnership,
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  whether that is a sounding board, whether that is having
• 9:02
  deadlines, whether that's having some kind of structure in
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  general. I have a client who wanted to
• 9:07
  build a side business while working in her corporate drop
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  and she kept putting it off, putting it off.
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  We would talk about it and then she's like, no, I'm not ready.
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  Then she'd talk about it and I would say, OK, what is like the
• 9:16
  hold up with one month we want to talk about the next month we
• 9:19
  don't. And then we bounced back and
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  forth and she was like, well, I just don't know if I have time
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  for. And I was like, it's not about
• 9:24
  having time for it. It's about making time for it
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  because you're going to have the same hours in the day every
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  single time. And even if you were to like
• 9:31
  quit your job tomorrow and go full time into your business,
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  you still have to understand how to structure your time.
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  So either you learn how to structure it with the time that
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  you have now, or even if you're to leave, you learn how to
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  structure it. So let's start now.
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  So the biggest thing that we looked at was like, OK, what did
• 9:45
  she want to achieve to hit her mission of building her
• 9:49
  business? She understood why she wanted to
• 9:51
  build her business. She wanted to build a creative
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  business that was going to help support female entrepreneurs,
• 9:55
  which is amazing, and do marketing for them.
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  But understanding the piece of, hey, wait a minute, if I want
• 10:01
  this to happen, how, what do I have to actually do to make sure
• 10:04
  it's happening? So we talked about, yes, while
• 10:06
  focusing on her career and moving up in the, in her current
• 10:09
  company, how can we also make sure that we're helping her with
• 10:11
  milestones on how to build out her business?
• 10:13
  And so that was the biggest thing that we talked about was
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  like, OK, piece 1 is going to be mapping out her services.
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  Piece 2 is going to be understanding what her marketing
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  strategy will be. Piece 3 is going to be, how do
• 10:23
  we have her land one of her first clients and then she lands
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  a client. It was, it was simple, but it
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  was about creating, carving out the space, carving out the
• 10:31
  structure to make sure she has that.
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  So a question that I'm going to ask you, this is a prompt is
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  where are you relying on willpower when you should
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  actually be relying and are in need of structure one more time?
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  Where are you relying on willpower when what you actually
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  need is structure? OK, so think about that for
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  yourself. I think about this all the time
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  is that, I mean, think about the book Atomic Habits.
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  It's like, how are we creating the structure and the habits to
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  become the person that we want to become, to do the things that
• 11:00
  we want to do? And that's how we have to have
• 11:02
  this piece for ourselves. And the last piece, I just want
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  to I want to like, say here is a goal is not just something that
• 11:09
  you write down. It's something that you live in
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  too. So identity is a really
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  important part. So the best goals, the best
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  goals that really stretch you without disconnecting you from
• 11:17
  like your life or capacity. Like there all about making sure
• 11:21
  you're setting goals that are aligned with your values that
• 11:23
  are what you really want to do that are going to help you build
• 11:25
  that confidence and how you can kind of really step into it.
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  So for example, if you want to go ahead and become a speaker,
• 11:33
  right? Like let's say you work in
• 11:35
  corporate, you have a side business, you're like, oh, I
• 11:36
  want to become a speaker. OK, that's great.
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  But then understanding, OK, how does becoming a speaker sit in
• 11:43
  your current capacity of what you're doing in your life?
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  How does it say with the current life that you are currently
• 11:48
  building for yourself? What kind of values do you want
• 11:52
  to relay within that? What kind of space do you want
• 11:54
  to relay in that? What kind of skills do you want
• 11:55
  to create within that? Because I think another big
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  thing is that we feel like we have to go from, I've never
• 12:01
  spoken publicly ever to go and having a Ted talk tomorrow when
• 12:05
  what we could start with is OK. In my day-to-day life, I'm an
• 12:08
  expert at what I do within my corporate job, within medicine.
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  And so versus feeling like I have to drop everything and go,
• 12:15
  you know, zero to 100, what is the first goal that I can set
• 12:18
  for myself that's going to set me up for that?
• 12:20
  OK, well, why don't I try speaking at conferences?
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  I can try being a guest speaker on some podcasts.
• 12:27
  I can try being a guest speaker or being a facilitator at like a
• 12:30
  workshop that I can leave. Things that you can start there
• 12:33
  that are helping you with your current life and your current
• 12:36
  capacity where you can createspace for them or we're
• 12:39
  still in alignment with your values and what it is that you
• 12:40
  want to do. So again, it's like something
• 12:42
  that you have to like live into and start to build the identity
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  for. A lot of the times we have a
• 12:47
  hard time because the identity that we have right now versus
• 12:50
  the one that we're trying to achieve has a big gap.
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  And so we're like, I don't, I don't know if it's possible.
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  I don't have enough time. I can't commit to it.
• 12:57
  Well, maybe versus going and jumping off the deep end, let's
• 13:01
  step into the identity that is warming us up to go for the big
• 13:04
  one, right? And that way you're starting to
• 13:06
  expand your capacity and your ability to step into that.
• 13:09
  So, you know, I had a client who definitely was always like, I
• 13:13
  want, I want to, I want to be more visible.
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  I want to be more visible. OK, well-being more visible
• 13:17
  doesn't mean you have to. Invisibility could be marketing,
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  let's say as like a business owner or even as a leader who's
• 13:22
  trying to build their personal brand.
• 13:24
  Visibility does not mean you have to go from never ever being
• 13:28
  visible to now posting on like LinkedIn, Instagram, having
• 13:31
  emails, new letter, having a podcast, being a speaker.
• 13:34
  Like that is a big identity of full on visibility versus like
• 13:38
  what is the first step or first goal that you can create when it
• 13:41
  comes to visibility, which it could be something as simple as,
• 13:44
  you know, let me write 1 post a month that I'm going to post on
• 13:47
  LinkedIn to get comfortable with.
• 13:49
  So these are other ways when we're trying to build capacity
• 13:52
  and grow our identity that we can kind of go ahead and build
• 13:56
  towards and work towards. So the reflection prompt that I
• 13:58
  have for you would be what would you change if your goals were
• 14:01
  built around how you want to feel, not just what you want to
• 14:04
  achieve, but how you want to feel while you're doing it.
• 14:07
  So that's the big thing of like, how do you want to feel as
• 14:08
  you're like trying out this, like new identity, trying out
• 14:12
  this capacity that you're expanding.
• 14:14
  So how would you change your goals if you built it around how
• 14:17
  you want to feel, not just what you want to achieve, right.
• 14:20
  So hopefully you found this helpful.
• 14:22
  This is about how to set goals you'll actually fall through on.
• 14:25
  And the biggest thing is like, what is the rationale and how
• 14:28
  you're setting your goals to begin with?
• 14:30
  Like do they make sense? And then using three-part
• 14:32
  framework we talked about when it comes to clarity, structure
• 14:34
  and support. And then last but not least is
• 14:36
  understanding that like you are stretching your identity.
• 14:38
  So versus having to make the first goal, the big lofty one,
• 14:41
  what is the step that you can take before you get there and
• 14:44
  understanding of how you can feel comfortable while you're
• 14:46
  making that happen because you're stretching your identity.
• 14:48
  So hopefully you found this helpful and if you have any
• 14:51
  questions or you want to work together, because a lot of my
• 14:53
  clients come to me because they've been setting goals and
• 14:56
  not necessarily hitting them or they're setting goals and they
• 14:59
  just need the structure, the plan, and the clarity to make it
• 15:00
  happen. So if you're interested in doing
• 15:02
  that, you can go to mywebsite@dannytan.com, that's
• 15:05
  DANITA n.com, and then we can talk about coaching.
• 15:09
  All right, have a good one.