Latest / Camp Classics / Interview With The Vampire (1994) w. Sue Gives A F*ck

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Interview With The Vampire (1994) w. Sue Gives A F*ck · Camp Classics

0:00
I'm not invested in your journey.
0:02
You're just a guy who's scared of helicopters.
0:05
Get away from her, you bitch. Classic.
0:10
He was in the Amazon hi long when she was researching spiders
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right before she died, no. Hang on, you thought you become
0:21
a prostitute. You're a dog at it.
0:23
I used to love doggy chow. I.
0:27
Used to love. Doggy chat too.
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Vampires pretending to be humans pretending to be podcasters.
0:32
How avant-garde. I'm Crystal.
0:36
And I'm Sue gives a fuck and I really bloody well do.
0:40
And welcome to Camp Classics, a thoughtful podcast about stupid
0:46
movies. Every two weeks we're here
0:51
discussing, exploring, raiding, some of the peaks and valleys in
0:56
the genre of camp, in the search for the campist of camp
1:00
classics. Baby Lame cannot be here today.
1:05
So today's episode is just me and Sue.
1:08
I'm honoured to stand in the size 28 shoe of baby lame.
1:15
Where is baby? Well let's just say I left her
1:19
out in the sun and now all that's left of her is a stained
1:22
baby doll dress crispy. We have a Gatreon where for only
1:28
£4.00 a month you can get a bonus episode every month.
1:31
Our last episode was on American Psycho.
1:34
Got to return some videotapes. You can subscribe on Patreon
1:39
directly, or if you're listening to this episode on Apple
1:41
Podcasts, you can subscribe directly through your Apple
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Podcast feed. We'd love to have your support.
1:48
And welcome to our new members, Nina and Rachel.
1:53
Thanks for being here. We take the cash, we cash the
1:56
check, we show them what they want to see.
1:59
And if you're not in a position to subscribe, what you can do
2:02
for free right now is go give us a five star rating on whatever
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platform you happen to be listening on.
2:09
And even better, why not do an Instagram story telling people
2:13
to check out the show? Ah.
2:15
Crucial. Wouldn't that be nice?
2:18
What movie should we cover next? Well, follow us on Instagram at
2:21
Camp Classics Podcast and drop us a message with your
2:24
suggestions. And we've had some suggestions,
2:26
Sue. We've had a few people get in
2:28
touch. Oh, what have we?
2:30
Had Michael suggests Notes on a Scandal, a movie I have not
2:34
seen. Is that the the pedo 1?
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Well, I think it might be. I think it might be the proto
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May December. Yes, this is the There's a
2:44
teenage boy. And who is it?
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Cate Blanchett, It's Kate Banchlet with with Judi Dench.
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Yeah, Michael, says Dench versus Blanchett, lesbian overtones,
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one hour 30. So basically, I'm sold.
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One hour 30. Honestly, you didn't even need
3:01
the first two. One hour 30.
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I'm done, I'm in. I am going to just say this now
3:06
as a taunt and as a suggestion you too do a matinee.
3:13
But I actually I saw that in the cinema when it came out and I
3:17
thought it was banging and deeply, problematically sexy.
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Oh perfect. I mean, that sounds like a Cap
3:25
classic to me. Buffy Dude predictably suggests
3:30
we watch Buffy the movie He. Is a single issue voter.
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Jorge suggests Witches of Eastwick, which of course is on
3:40
the list, and Alex Hood suggests Drop Dead Gorgeous.
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So thank you everyone. Those are all on the list.
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We'll get to them sometime. Sue, before we go any further,
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could you tell people what makes a CAP classic?
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What I have understood is that Baby Lame's spiel is that a cap
4:00
camp classic is something that unlocks queer joy, queer
4:05
enjoyment, queer lust. Possibly it has flop vibes and
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it's somehow a bit off, a little bit anti mainstream, a little
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bit not what either you expected to be or what perhaps it
4:19
expected to be. It's like all of us.
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It's, you know, not quite, it's not quite right.
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Speak for yourself, God damn it. Something's gone.
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Wrong. Don't you tar all of our
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listeners with that You're wrong brush.
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No, frankly, if you're if you're listening to this podcast,
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there's literally no hope for you.
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Something obviously went wrong at some point.
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Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
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I think the only one you missed was stupid fun.
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Stupid fun. Crucial.
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Yeah. Can you have a non stupid camp?
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Classic smart camp? Is that a thing?
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Well, I think I have a feeling something like Notes on a
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Scandal might be like highbrow camp, high camp.
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Yeah, OK. Yeah, you can have highbrow Cam,
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I guess. You know, Derek Jarman was doing
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a bit of Cam. Wow, I don't know what the fuck
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she's saying but girl, I am living.
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There we go. So maybe for the Gayatrions,
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you're going to have like a subsection of the highbrow
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professorial. A section of the Gayatrion for
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our listeners who can read. We look forward to any of them
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subscribing. So what are we covering this
5:39
week? We're covering Interview with
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the Vampire. Crucially, not Interview with a
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Vampire, which is what I've been saying my entire life.
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Same. It's Sex and the City.
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Who knew? And you know, I immediately have
5:53
an issue because I'm going to say if you're going to call this
5:56
movie Interview with the Vampire.
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Right, I know where you're going.
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Brad Pitt is not the vampire. There are several.
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There are several and I'd say he's like probably bottom rung
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when it comes to vampires. In this movie.
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He's not even the second vampire.
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No low status, he's not original and he's the most boring.
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Yeah, so anyway, we've already got a problem, but we're doing
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Interview with the Vampire 1994, directed by Neil Jordan,
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starring, of course, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas,
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Kristen Dunst. We've got a tiny bit of Tandy,
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Newton Sue. What's your history with this
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movie? No history with this movie.
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I in fact, actually, I didn't know what this movie was.
6:42
I had heard of Interview with a Vampire.
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It was very clearly a vampire in my head.
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I'd never quite put my finger on what that was.
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And then when you suggested watching it, I thought, oh,
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great. Because I've always sort of
6:56
wondered what this, this really sort of interesting, sexy cult
7:00
classic is. No, no, it isn't.
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It's not I was. I don't want to give away some
7:07
spoilers. I'm going to give away some
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spoilers. Oh, I didn't enjoy this one.
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Oh, no. Oh.
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No, I was positively bold. Fair, Fair enough, fair enough.
7:21
What's your history with it? So I must have watched this
7:24
movie like 20 years ago and my only memory of it was it was
7:28
pretty gay. Yeah.
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I remembered Gay Vampire, I remembered evil Kristen Dunst,
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and I remembered the sudden scene.
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But didn't we clutch at straws for gay content in the 90s?
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This was like, as gay as it got. Which oh.
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Absolutely. I mean, it's, it's mostly the
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odd look, isn't it? Yeah.
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And so I didn't really remember what I was getting myself into.
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I really happened to enjoy watching it again, although I do
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have a lot of, you know, things to say.
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And then I've somehow become embroiled in the Anne Rice
8:02
universe speak because I remembered then that there's
8:06
been ATV series adaptation of the movie recently.
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Yeah, recently. And I was like, well, this movie
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was fine, but I hear this TV shows really good.
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And so now I've watched two seasons of Interview with the
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Vampire, the TV series. Oh my God, how I am like I want
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to know. Actually very good.
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It's very, very good. And it's very, very gay.
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Everything that was subtext is now like flopped out on the
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table being sucked. Bon Appetit.
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OK, that's what this needs. Because I really felt that this
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was Hollywood do. I've never read an Anne Rice
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novel, and based on my very limited experience, which is
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just this film, I don't feel inclined to.
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But I did feel like maybe this has taken something that's quite
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gay and quite fun and quite sexy and a little bit culty and made
8:57
it Hollywood and in so doing added a lot of fire and removed
9:03
a lot of sex. Yeah, yeah, I think actually
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what we're seeing in the 20, 2020, 20s version of this is
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they've actually been like even Anne Rice not sexy enough.
9:16
We're going to we're going to we're going to make it real
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sexy. We are.
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I'll just like, I'll, I'll like Pepper in a few moments as we go
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through the the plot. But yeah, I don't want to dwell
9:27
too much on the TV show, but I would highly recommend it.
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OK, I'll check it out. So just a bit of box office and
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reviews. This movie made 224 million
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worldwide on a budget of 60 million.
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So it was a huge success. Huge success.
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Critically, a little bit more mixed.
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It has a 63% score on Rotten Tomatoes.
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Mixed but generally favourable reviews.
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It got decent reviews and Kirsten Dunst was even nominated
9:55
for a Golden Globe for her performance.
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I've read some of these reviews like they're positively glowing.
10:01
Yeah, there's some real glowing stuff there.
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Less prestigiously, it was also nominated for eight MTV Movie
10:08
Awards. Who?
10:11
Knew those existed. Yeah, including, I loved this
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including three nominations in the most desirable male category
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for Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Ethan Slater.
10:23
They just Christian Slater. Wow, they just really say the
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quiet part out loud loud, don't they?
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Oh, most desirable male. Great.
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It also won the Razzie for worst screen couple.
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I love that for Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise, which is kind of
10:39
cute. It makes me feel like I wonder
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if the Razzies were being a little bit homophobic and then
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I'm like, no, they were probably run by gay men.
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But. No heterosexual would come up
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with an award would bother spending the amount of time that
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you have to to build that level of brand on just saying
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something to shit. Imagine like, going through all
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of that effort to make like, I don't know, say a podcast just
11:01
about bad movies. Only a homosexual.
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Employee gays because we've got too much time on our hands.
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I could hear people getting bored with me, but I couldn't
11:15
stop. And also, this is normally where
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I would put in a deranged one star Google review, but I
11:21
actually found something much, much better.
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I found this tidbit. Oprah Winfrey walked out of an
11:27
advanced screening of this movie only 10 minutes in saying I
11:31
believe there are forces of light and darkness in this world
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and I don't want to be a contributor to the force of
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darkness. You silent or were you silenced?
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I heard this. Is this the most intense,
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scorious, scariest, darkest film she's seen?
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It's just so funny. I can't.
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I don't think of Oprah Winfrey as someone who's like a Pearl
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clutching. I don't know, it's just really
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made me laugh. I love that Oprah in 94 was
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essentially someone on Google in 2025 giving A1 star review
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saying this movie is of the devil.
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May she? I mean, this movie has like,
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it's got like for boobs, unnecessary boobs, but they are
12:15
just boobs. And it's got a bit of blood.
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That's your law, really. Yeah.
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I should introduce Oprah to the Sore franchise.
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Oh my God. Do you want to play a game?
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OK, before we get into it, would you like a camp classic quiz?
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I would adore a camp classic quiz.
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I came here for nothing else. I was trying to think of a pun
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for a quiz with vampires in it and I, I couldn't come up with
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anything. You know what?
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You know what I will say, Sue, in this quiz.
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The stakes are high. No, that was so good.
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Stakes was what I had in my head, and I hadn't gotten there.
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Oh. I bowed down.
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There we go. OK, so question number one.
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Who played the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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Was it A Elizabeth Shue, B Christy Swanson, C Leah
13:06
Thompson, or D Sarah Michelle Gellar?
13:09
I didn't know that there was an original.
13:11
So he's in the same show and they cast him on and then they
13:14
ditched her? Or was there a make of it
13:16
before? Well, you can't tell me.
13:18
I can't tell you I've. Forgotten the options.
13:23
I'm going to have to say Sarah Michelle Gellar, because that is
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obviously what I've always thought.
13:28
No, So Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a movie before it was ATV
13:32
show? I can't believe you didn't know
13:34
this. It was a 92 movie starring
13:36
Kristy Swanson. No, I didn't know this.
13:39
So when this very generous gay tree on commenter suggested that
13:44
we watch the Buffy movie, it's actually the pre Buffy the Show
13:47
movie. Yeah, and it actually kind of
13:50
exists in World with the Buffy series, but only vaguely.
13:54
Obviously it's completely recast and the tone is very different.
13:57
But yeah, it's it exists. Kristy Swanson.
14:00
You've got Donald Sutherland, You've got Luke Perry, Hilary
14:03
Swank, David Arquette and Pee Wee.
14:07
Well, stunning, yeah. How is?
14:09
It definitely. I can't.
14:11
I can't remember. I can't remember.
14:13
I have a feeling it's probably bad in a fun 90s sort of way.
14:23
OK, which of these movies is not a real film?
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Is it? Batman fights Dracula, Dracula's
14:32
dog, Dracula and son or Dracula in space.
14:38
It's it's Batman fights Dracula. That's the only one that they
14:41
couldn't afford to make. Unfortunately or fortunately,
14:46
that movie exists. It's Dracula in space.
14:49
Is it? I don't have any more
14:52
information about any of these movies except for that but.
14:55
It's got to be on the list. Yeah, I mean, I want to watch
14:58
all of them immediately. Dracula in space.
15:03
I mean, why not? Yeah, why haven't they got?
15:07
Why haven't they done it? You get quite a bit of like
15:10
Dracula transported on a ship, and then by the time he gets to
15:14
the end, there's no one left on the ship.
15:17
That would be a real problem for Dracula in space.
15:20
There's no topping up the number of humans.
15:23
That's true I guess, but I mean, if the Alien movies have taught
15:26
me anything, it's that they're always happy to take on board a
15:31
floating deserted ship despite whatever might have killed
15:36
everyone on board. You're absolutely right.
15:40
Oh no, that ship is expressing a a distress beacon and it's.
15:44
Shaped like a giant coffin. How old?
15:50
OK, question three. Who plays the titular Queen of
15:54
the Damned in the semi sequel to this movie?
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Oh. Right, OK, so I've heard that
16:03
this got made and that the author didn't want it to get
16:06
made, but I didn't know who was in it so I'm.
16:09
Going to Oh my God listeners are screaming at into their
16:13
headphones right now. I know nothing I have.
16:15
I have no business being in this podcast.
16:18
I'll give you a hint, it's a pop star.
16:21
Oh I know it. I forgot it's Aaliyah.
16:24
It's Aaliyah. It's Aaliyah.
16:27
It's of at first you don't succeed.
16:28
Try try. Again, dust yourself off.
16:30
This, yes, of course it was, because this was the last thing
16:33
she made, right? Yeah, I think she may have
16:36
actually died during filming and they had to like do some jiggery
16:41
pokery to get the film finished without her.
16:44
So I have heard that all the reviewers that positively
16:48
reviewed the film that we're reviewing negatively reviewed
16:51
that one. So if I assume from that that
16:53
it's quite a bit worse than the one we watched, this is not the
16:56
film that you want to die making.
16:58
No, it's a real shame. Yeah, Lestat plays a a rock star
17:03
and the whole vibe is kind of Coyote ugly.
17:06
OK, I mean, do you know what? It was just getting worse and
17:09
worse and worse, and then you sort of picked it up at the end.
17:13
I could see Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise doing a sexy little
17:17
bastol dance. Oh yeah, now I'm interested.
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OK, last question. Anne Rice feared that her novel
17:26
would not be adapted as a film because of the gay undertones in
17:29
Louis and Lestat's relationship. So she temporarily rewrote the
17:34
character of Louis as a woman, hoping that who would take the
17:38
role. Well, I've betrayed you because
17:40
I know I know exactly who it is. And it's very unimaginative
17:45
casting. But I mean, obviously phenomenal
17:48
casting. It's Cher or it's Cher, Angelica
17:52
Houston or Angelica Houston, which like, who are the witchy
17:55
people? Let's go for the witchy people.
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I think it's kind of interesting though, because she was like
18:01
them for Louis and Louise. Like, supposed to be kind of the
18:05
mortal boring one, right? Oh, it was for Louis.
18:08
Yeah, I mean, I could see Cher as Lestat.
18:11
I think that would be so fun. I want to watch that movie.
18:15
Wagon Wheel Watusi. Interesting.
18:18
Oh, I just presumed because she hated the casting of Tom Cruise,
18:23
didn't she? She sure did.
18:25
She sure did. She hated the casting so much
18:28
that she took out an 8 page ad in Variety, slamming his
18:33
casting. 8 pages. 8 pages. Messy bitch.
18:38
Messy. Keep it in private.
18:40
No, it's so good, it's so good. And then she was, then she
18:45
refused to go to a screening 'cause she was so pissed off.
18:47
She was basically like excommunicated from the
18:49
production of the movie. She had no idea what was going
18:51
on. She refused to go to a screening
18:52
of it. And so the director had like an
18:55
illicit VHS version of it sent to her house.
18:58
She watched it and then she was like, oh, actually Tom Cruise
19:00
was, Tom Cruise was quite good in this.
19:02
Oh, I feel quite bad. And so then she took out another
19:05
ad. Mate, stop expressing your
19:08
emotions through ads. Speak to people.
19:11
But this ad was only 2 pages. Oh well, in that case I changed
19:15
my mind. Yeah, but I love I, I mean, RIPN
19:19
Rice, you were messy as hell. No one's fun anymore.
19:23
Whatever happened to fun? And you know what, I, I think
19:29
what I kind of get it like if you're expecting a sort of
19:31
Mission Impossible Tom Cruise, you're not going to think
19:34
necessarily sexy vampire. And I I do feel, in spite of my
19:39
reservations, which are considerable about this movie,
19:42
he kind of pulled off Sexy vampire.
19:44
Yeah, I like, I think he was playing kind of against type for
19:47
him at this time. And you kind of watch it at
19:51
first like, oh, there's no way that he's going to be able to do
19:53
this. And then you're like, Oh no, I'm
19:54
kind of buying your sinister sexy vibe.
19:58
Yeah, because normally he comes off as like, you know, boyish
20:03
bit of a Jack the Lad. Yeah.
20:05
And in this he does. I mean the classic villain thing
20:10
that has it ended yet? I don't know of a slightly
20:14
homosexual lisp. Does the job.
20:19
Does the job. He's really giving like demon
20:22
twink in this movie. Demon twink and slight British
20:24
accent which always helps as well.
20:26
Yeah, absolutely. Congratulations, you won the
20:29
quiz. Yeah, it was.
20:33
Hotly. Contested.
20:34
All right, Should we get into the plot?
20:36
Let's get into the plot. OK, so picture it 1994 San
20:40
Francisco reporter Daniel Malloy interviews Louis du Pont du La.
20:47
You nailed that. Thank you.
20:49
Thank you. I speak French.
20:53
You. Louis is a vampire.
20:55
Oh, this is this is the interview with the vampire.
21:01
So he's giving an interview to Daniel Malloy, and Louis
21:06
describes his human life as a wealthy plantation owner in 1791
21:10
Louisiana. And there's our first record,
21:13
Scratch. Yes, please, because the whole
21:18
time, Oh my God I cannot. The whole his whole casting is
21:22
the vampire that doesn't want to hurt people.
21:25
He's a slave owner. He's a slave owner, and there is
21:29
even a moment where like one of his slaves who works in the
21:34
house presumably, says Louis, the slaves are starting to be
21:38
scared of you. You're changing.
21:40
He's a slave owner. So presumably before this, the
21:43
slaves just fucking loved him. Yeah, it's a real like 90s
21:47
description of like the happy slaves.
21:50
The happy, the happy slaves, but also worse.
21:54
I say 90s, I am surprised, sort of 1790s, yeah.
21:59
I'm surprised that this was acceptable even in the 90s.
22:03
We the 1990s was post abolition right?
22:06
Just a little So ice baffling, but also the depiction of the
22:11
slaves. I mean, mostly when we see them,
22:13
they're worshipping fire. Yeah, or like being kind of
22:17
sexy. Yeah, yeah, this is it.
22:21
I absolutely baffled me. It took me.
22:24
I do. I never got back into it
22:26
because. This is better than the first 5
22:29
minutes of the movie. I was done because had there
22:33
perhaps been another aspect to this guy's character, I could
22:36
have been like, OK, so him being a nice guy and a slaver, I'm not
22:40
going to get past that. But if he's more than just a
22:42
nice guy in a difficult situation, I can do it.
22:45
No, he's a one note character whose whole thing is oh but I
22:49
just want to be nice to everyone and eat rainbows.
22:52
I need a cake. I wish that I could bake a cake
22:56
made out of rainbows and smiles and we'd all eat be happy.
23:00
Well, Brad Pitt apparently hated making this movie, and so I
23:03
think that's coming out on the film.
23:07
He mostly does puppy dog eyes the whole way through.
23:10
Yeah, I said I wasn't going to talk about the TV show, but one
23:12
thing that they have done in this is they've changed the time
23:15
setting to like early 1900s and they've made Louis Black.
23:22
So it brings in, it's like very gay.
23:24
And then it's also a lot about race.
23:26
And it's like about race and Jim Crow era America, and it's
23:30
suddenly very interesting. That's amazing, because as soon
23:34
as you said they've made him black, I thought, oh, they've
23:36
done that classic thing of representation over everything.
23:40
They're going to do exactly the same show, but they're going to
23:43
say the main character is literally black.
23:44
What are you even talking about? No, they've actually changed it
23:47
and made race. They've talked about it.
23:49
Yeah, yeah, it's really interesting.
23:50
And it's like all about his. The first season is all about
23:53
him being othered because he's gay, because he's black, and
23:57
eventually because he's a vampire.
23:58
So. They spell out the gainers.
24:00
OK, this is amazing. This is what we need.
24:03
Yeah, well, I'll, I'll get to that too.
24:04
So Louis is very despondent because of the death of his wife
24:10
and unborn child. He's super, super bummed.
24:13
Not because he owns slaves or anything, but because his wife
24:16
and child died. One night he's attacked by the
24:20
vampire Lestat de Leon core. I'm aroused.
24:24
This is Tom Cruise. Lestat is gay for him and senses
24:28
Louis dissatisfaction with life and offers to turn him into a
24:33
vampire. What's that like to live?
24:37
Deliciously, Louis accepts and they have a gay Sky embrace and
24:41
Louis becomes a vampire. Now in the TV version, this
24:45
happens. They're both naked and they're
24:46
bumming while they're floating in the air.
24:49
They're they're bombing in the air.
24:51
Yeah. May I've never tried that one.
24:56
No. Well, you have to be a very old
24:59
vampire to fly so. Can you just be very old because
25:03
halfway there. So now Louis is a vampire, but
25:05
it turns out becoming undead did not solve any of his problems.
25:09
While Lestat revels in the hunt and killing of humans, Louis
25:13
resists his instinct to kill, instead drinking animal blood to
25:17
sustain himself. And yeah, he stays really
25:20
depressed and Lestat is super annoyed with him.
25:24
And I guess maybe the lesson here is just maybe don't turn
25:27
your one night stand into your immortal companion.
25:30
Because. But we've all made that mistake,
25:32
haven't we? When someone just stayed for the
25:34
whole weekend, you're like, it's time to.
25:36
Go oh, the moment where you say, OK, do you want to do you want
25:40
to get some? Are you hungry?
25:41
Do you want to get some lunch? No, don't do it.
25:44
Don't do it. Thank God.
25:47
See, this is what this film was lacking is Grinder because that
25:51
it just doesn't come up. Anymore.
25:52
Then we've got a scene with Tandy Newton playing a slave.
25:55
She's a sexy slave. Louis maybe kills her, maybe
26:00
sort of by mistake, and then he tries to kill himself.
26:04
Lestat saves him. This is 1, I think.
26:06
One of our first fire moments. The first of many.
26:10
First of many. Eventually, amid an outbreak of
26:14
the plague in New Orleans, Louis feeds on a little girl whose
26:18
mother died in the plague. We've got a great little bit
26:21
here of Tom Cruise dancing with a plague corpse.
26:24
I quite like that. And to entice Louis to stay with
26:27
him, Lestat turns the dying girl, Claudia, into a vampire,
26:32
and they raise her as a daughter.
26:34
This is the original. You can't leave me.
26:37
I'm pregnant. You're absolutely right.
26:42
It's a full like man trap that Lestat has set it.
26:46
Is Tom Cruise is the original buddy boiler?
26:49
He's been pricking holes in condoms.
26:51
Just wait to trap Louis into an eternal relationship.
26:56
I. Like that?
26:59
Yeah, this is, I mean, it's fucking weird.
27:03
It's like you're, you're simultaneously watching 2 raging
27:08
homosexuals raise their daughter while at the same time you're
27:12
like, there's no explicit gayness in this movie.
27:15
It's, it's really funny. It's really funny, Kristen Dunst
27:18
says so well. So we've got some great scenes
27:23
now of Claudia being raised by the gays.
27:27
Lestat spoils her, treats her like a little doll who's also a
27:31
killer. Got scenes of gay domesticity.
27:35
There's a great line from Tom Cruise.
27:37
Claudia, where on earth will we find another dressmaker?
27:42
Because she's just eaten the dressmaker.
27:45
Yeah, that's a lovely one. Yeah, it's a funny tonal shift
27:48
for this movie because the whole movie is so, like, gothic and
27:52
somber, and then you've just got this little bit in the middle
27:55
of, like, Tom Cruise just being quite an annoyed housewife.
27:59
It is. Oh, and I just.
28:01
I sucked it up like the vampire that I am.
28:04
Yeah. I wanted more of that humor and
28:06
that it starts and ends there. Yeah, it's great though. 30
28:11
years pass and Claudia matures psychologically but remains a
28:15
little girl in appearance and continues to be infantilized by
28:19
Lestat. Her dads are avoiding having the
28:22
talk with her, basically. She gets angry, she cuts her
28:27
hair off, it grows right back, and then she basically realizes
28:31
that she'll never grow old or become a mature woman and she's
28:35
pissed and decided she's going to kill Lestat.
28:39
That would be shit, wouldn't it? That would be shit.
28:42
It would be so inconvenient, although do you know what in the
28:46
90s? Thankfully, it clearly wouldn't
28:49
stop you indulging your sexual appetites, because that was par
28:54
for the course. Apparently.
28:55
You smell like a baby prostitute.
28:57
Grim. Grim.
29:00
So Claudia tricks Lestat into drinking the dead blood of twin
29:05
boys, whom she killed with an overdose of laudanum.
29:09
More kids. Yeah, this weekends Lestat.
29:13
And then she slits his throat. It's quite fab.
29:17
And then Louise sets Lestat on fire and they leave for Paris.
29:23
How do you feel about the fact that they don't set up in
29:27
advance the ways that a vampire can die?
29:30
Because clearly in this universe, the way that a vampire
29:34
dies is by drinking the blood of a dead personal creature.
29:38
I haven't really. That's not that's not cannon.
29:41
Do you think that they should have set that up before?
29:43
Yeah, Did they not? Doesn't Brad Pitt say something
29:46
to Christian Slater about like, stake through the heart?
29:49
That's nonsense. Garlic.
29:51
That's nonsense. But he doesn't actually do the
29:53
dead blood thing, does he? No, I don't think he does.
29:56
Yeah. Listeners, let us know if we've
29:59
missed a trick, yeah? But I'd say that's one of the
30:03
like. The main problems with this
30:05
movie is that it basically is trying to condense quite a lot
30:08
into two hours and it. Well, yeah, he's trying to
30:11
condense centuries. Yeah, centuries.
30:14
Into two. Hours.
30:15
Yeah. So now we're in 1870 Paris.
30:22
But of course not actually 1870 Paris, because as our listeners
30:26
will well know, or the new ones that can read will know, that
30:30
was the time of the Franco Prussian War, so Paris was being
30:34
destroyed. Wait, are you telling me that a
30:36
1990s blockbuster got something wrong about European politics?
30:44
About European politics and about the history of slavery?
30:46
Yes. Fine, fine.
30:49
So Louis encounters the vampire Santiago who is like a a gay
30:55
vampire clown version of Fred Astaire.
31:00
He is Fred Astaire, but he aesthetically he's giving
31:02
Charlie Chaplin as well. Yeah, yeah.
31:05
I just like that this movie basically has like all the kinds
31:08
of gays. I mean, everyone in this movie
31:10
is gay. You've got your you've got your
31:12
depressed gay Brad Pitt. You've got your demon twink Tom
31:15
Cruise now you've got your theatre gay.
31:17
You do, Santiago. You're mime gay.
31:20
Yeah, you're mime gay. And then we're about to meet
31:22
Antonio Banderas. Who's your bitter old queen?
31:25
I suppose the the musical theatre gay of now probably was
31:29
the mime gay of them. Yes, exactly.
31:33
Well, if if I know anything about 1870 France, which I
31:38
clearly don't, so yeah. Louis also meets the vampire
31:40
Armand, played by Antonio Banderas, wearing a share of
31:44
wig. Wagon Wheel, Watusi.
31:46
I don't know what this character adds to the film.
31:49
They dispose of this cat. It's not clear what relationship
31:52
the character has to the minions of the character or to the
31:57
Charlie Chaplin gay. I really, I really get lost at
32:01
this point. I've I've got you.
32:04
I've been, I've been really immersed in the lore so I can
32:06
help. Armand invites Louis and Claudia
32:10
to his coven, the Theatre de Vampire, where the vampires
32:16
stage theatrical horror shows for humans.
32:19
Except they're real. Except they're real.
32:23
I quite like this part. I think the staging's quite fun.
32:26
I actually think that all of the para scenes look very expensive
32:30
and. They do.
32:33
They do. And I saw when I read a couple
32:35
of reviews, they were really saying about the beauty of it.
32:38
And I would say the beauty is expensive.
32:42
I wouldn't say it's necessarily interesting, but it does look,
32:47
you know, for a vampire movie, it was the biggest budget of a
32:49
vampire movie of all time at that time.
32:53
And I think until then, I get the sense that like, vampire
32:56
movies really had been sort of kitsch horror, and this was the
33:00
first that did blockbuster budget opulent Meson Sen.
33:06
I do French as well. Especially when like you
33:10
contrast it to like there's a scene where they're dumping
33:13
Lestat in the swamp and you're like, this really looks like a
33:16
sound stage. It's like very like cardboard
33:19
set vibes. And then you go to Paris and
33:21
you're like, oh, these catacombs.
33:23
Oh you filmed Paris 1st and you just spent your book?
33:26
Shit. Yeah, totally.
33:28
So on their way out of the theatre, Santiago reads Louis
33:32
mind and suspects that Louis and Claudia murdered Lestat.
33:37
And he tells them that the only crime a vampire can commit is to
33:41
murder another vampire. Dun Dun Dun, Molly.
33:46
You in danger, girl? Armand warns Louis to send
33:50
Claudia away for her own safety, and he reveals that he also knew
33:57
Lestat, if you know what I mean. Which is is kind of annoying
34:02
that they don't spell out the gayness because it's just
34:06
baffling what Armand's interest in Brad is and why it wanes.
34:13
And I really need to see it because they sort of make like,
34:17
oh, you're a vampire with a human soul, As was it about
34:22
that? And is that going to go
34:23
somewhere and there's going to be a synthesis plot?
34:25
No, none of that. No, he's just horny for him, but
34:28
the movie can't say that. No, I need to see you sucking
34:31
Brad Pitt's Dick and then I'll get it.
34:34
But what is with Brad Pitt's magnetism in this movie?
34:38
Anyone who meets him is like, I mean, OK, the man is gorgeous,
34:42
obviously, but the second he opens his mouth, you're like,
34:45
you are so fucking depressed. Why would I want to spend
34:49
eternity with you? I.
34:51
Didn't think that I could find Brad Pitt unattractive.
34:54
And this is young Brad Pitt. No, it just didn't do it for me,
34:59
which I think is partly the Bad Axe in, partly the
35:03
one-dimensional character, partly something else that we'll
35:05
probably come on to, but I'm raising it now, is the makeup.
35:09
I read that Brad Pitt hated this, and I read that everyone
35:13
spent hours in makeup and I'm just like doing what?
35:16
Because the makeup, as far as I can see, is a little bit of
35:19
white translucent powder all over his face, which has the
35:24
effects of making Brad Pitt look like he's got bad skin.
35:28
And you might be like, well, he's supposed to be sort of the
35:30
undead and dead skin. I guess it dries out.
35:34
Well, why have we cast Brad Pitt?
35:36
Why? Why was Twilight like the
35:38
biggest selling franchise of all time?
35:40
Because they made him his skin glisten.
35:42
You know, we casting Brad Pitt, we want him to look beautiful.
35:46
And then the big trick of it was we're going to hang them upside
35:50
down for 30 minutes. They made all the actors hanging
35:53
upside down for 30 minutes so that they could see their veins.
35:56
And then they just slightly stenciled them in blue.
35:59
I don't know how you filled the three hours.
36:01
You could have done that without hanging them upside down.
36:04
Just pop the veins you. And then use a continuity photo.
36:08
And guess what, you can do them the next day without.
36:12
It's very weird. So if the issue is that you
36:14
can't see their veins, then the veins aren't going to be a
36:17
problem. Draw them wherever you want.
36:20
Madness. I mean no wonder Brad Pitt was
36:23
upset he had to spend 3 hours in the makeup chair every morning,
36:27
well actually every night because they could only film at
36:29
night and the result was he just looked like an uglier version of
36:34
Brad Pitt. Just looked a bit ashy.
36:37
Yeah. No.
36:40
Oh, babe. OK, so where are we?
36:44
So yeah, Armand is horny for Louis and Claudia is pissed.
36:50
She does not like the idea of Armand in that wig as her
36:52
stepdaddy. She's like she's sick of the
36:56
faggot tree. Take your fucking twink and get
36:59
the fuck out of here. So she finds herself a human
37:02
woman to be her new mom, and she blackmails Louis into turning
37:07
her into a vampire. And I quite like the way that
37:10
they explain the mom thing. They just show that this lady,
37:15
she wants to be and it just says like, oh, you know, a daughter
37:19
that never dies. And we just see very briefly
37:21
that she's got a Locket with a girl's face in it.
37:25
Do you know what that is? The subtle storytelling that I
37:28
have wanted throughout the rest of the movie and that I didn't
37:31
get. Yeah.
37:33
She's got a dead baby is what she does.
37:35
Just in case any of the listeners didn't get it.
37:38
I I want subtle tea, but I understand that our audience may
37:42
disagree. So she's got a dead baby.
37:46
They're also wearing really lovely, beautiful gowns,
37:49
beautiful gowns, great, great gowns, beautiful gowns.
37:54
Beautiful gowns, a little bit too sexy.
37:56
The gown once again her with Kirsten Dunst.
38:00
I'm like, I don't know if we're going to cast her as your new
38:03
mummy. Why are we seeing almost top of
38:06
nipple? I guess it was the fashion of
38:09
the time. We'll say it.
38:11
Were they? I don't know.
38:14
I as we've already established, I don't know shit about 1870
38:18
France, but I couldn't believe it.
38:20
But you're right, nice gowns, beautiful gowns.
38:23
Beautiful gowns. So everybody gets abducted by
38:26
the Parisian coven to punch them for Lestat's murder.
38:30
They lock Louis in a box and they leave Claudia and her new
38:34
mum Madeline for the sun to burn.
38:38
This is the scene I remembered from watching it 20 years ago.
38:41
Watching it this time I'm wondering why didn't they get
38:43
under their beautiful gowns and just hide from the sun?
38:47
There was a lot of fabric for them to work with.
38:50
I think they could have made a hasty sunscreen.
38:54
To be fair to them, that has just occurred to me as you've
38:57
said it. Maybe they're as stupid as I am,
39:01
or, you know, maybe they love the fashion and they were like,
39:04
no, I've gotten this. Just I've, I've used my tip tape
39:08
to get it just to the top, but not quite exposing the nipple.
39:11
I'm not changing anything. I'll be here all day,
39:14
rejiggling, rejiggling, fitting. It is a good scene though.
39:20
It's well shot. It's like, I find it quite
39:22
affecting, even though, like, Claudia's an evil little girl.
39:26
You're like, oh, it's sad it. Is sad and it's sort of good.
39:30
It's kind of inventive because they've put them in a sort of,
39:32
well, yeah, I suppose. And so, you know, we see midday
39:38
approach and it's only at midday that we know what's going to
39:41
happen. The sun is going to shine
39:42
through and burn them to crisp. Yeah, Louis then gets revenge.
39:47
He kills the whole Paris coven except Armand.
39:51
And again, this is another part that looks expensive.
39:52
They've really set things on fire here.
39:55
Oh, they love to set things on fire.
39:58
Do you know, I feel that they could have saved a little bit of
40:00
fire budget and maybe had just the one fire.
40:04
Really go for it. Everyone loves a fire by your
40:07
third fire. Yeah, you're less invested.
40:10
Especially when each fire is the plot point of that section of
40:15
the film. That's the turning point.
40:18
I'm just like, we need to find another way to motivate
40:21
characters other than put them in a fire.
40:24
Kill the vampires a different way, basically.
40:26
So covens dead. Armand tries to get Louis to
40:30
stay with him, but Louis is still too sad.
40:36
They don't kiss, but they nearly kiss.
40:40
They really nearly kiss here. This is the closest that we
40:43
come. Yeah.
40:45
To come in. Yeah, Louis goes back to New
40:49
Orleans and really gets into movies.
40:52
He basically spends the next century, it seems, watching
40:55
movies. I quite like that touch.
40:58
It's the only way that he's ever been able to see a sunrise.
41:00
Yeah, it's cute. Yeah, he's he.
41:02
I would say he's so into movies that if this movie took place 30
41:05
years later, he'd probably have a podcast about them.
41:11
And he would definitely have a gay tree on.
41:14
Absolutely. Oh my God, his Gatreon, that
41:17
would be yeah. He'd be on Only Fans just while
41:21
sucking people off, Yeah. We take the cash, we cash the
41:24
check, we show them what they want to see.
41:28
One night, Louis encounters a decayed, weakened Lestat living
41:32
as a recluse in an abandoned mansion and surviving on red
41:35
blood. Lestat expresses regret for
41:39
having turned Claudia into a vampire and asks Louis to rejoin
41:43
him. But Louise, like, Nah.
41:47
And I quite liked this scene. I thought it was really funny.
41:50
It reminded me of, like, when you go to your old hometown and
41:55
you run into your ex from, like, 20 years ago, and they've really
41:59
not aged well. And they're like, should we?
42:02
And you're like, no. I love that analogy that is very
42:09
much the five and it's it is supposed to be like a it's that
42:14
moment in the film where we say it's that, you know,
42:16
heartbreaking parting of oh, he's grown, he's grown and he.
42:20
Hasn't grown. The issue is we've seen no sign
42:26
of growth. No for Brad Pitt.
42:28
Still just whingy. Yeah, he's still fucking
42:31
depressed. And also there's a helicopter in
42:33
this scene for some reason. Oh, yeah, Lestat's like, Oh my
42:37
God, the helicopter is bright light.
42:39
And then Brad Pitt says, oh, don't worry, it's the
42:41
helicopter, it's not real light. And he says, oh, OK, chill.
42:44
And then they come in. As as though helicopters
42:48
frequently shine lights into people's windows in New Orleans
42:52
in 1990. Who knows?
42:55
Very weird. So then Louis concludes his
42:59
interview with Malloy, Who asks Louis to make him his new
43:04
vampire companion and once again everybody is gay for sad Brad
43:08
Pitt and. Christian Slater, you know, I
43:12
don't know that this is from the book, but he says no, it can't
43:17
end this way. And of course, we're all
43:20
thinking the same thing. So we're thinking, oh, great, it
43:22
doesn't end this way. Now there's now there's a really
43:25
juicy bit where you're going to bring these threads together and
43:28
it's just where you make me a vampire.
43:30
Christian Slater, stop having your moment.
43:33
It's an hour and 58 minutes in. Now isn't the time for you to
43:36
suddenly have a moment. It's too late.
43:38
We're not interested in you. Yeah, absolutely.
43:41
He got paid 1/4 of $1,000,000 for that role.
43:44
He did, but you know what? It was supposed to be River
43:47
Phoenix. I yes, I heard this.
43:49
And River Phoenix died like a month before filming, so
43:53
Christian Slater stepped in as as cover and he donated all of
43:57
his fee to River Phoenix's favorite charity.
44:01
Which is quite sweet. That is quite nice.
44:04
So Louis's pissed that Malloy didn't get the point of his emo
44:07
story. He attacks Malloy to scare him.
44:11
Malloy freaks run to his, runs to his car, drives off and he's
44:16
listening to the tapes back and he's pretty happy with the
44:18
interview. But then Lestat appears and
44:22
attacks Malloy, taking control of the car.
44:25
And I liked this too because it reminded me of like when you're
44:29
on a on a road trip and the gay in the car is like pass me the
44:34
Ox. And then before you know it,
44:35
you're listening to Like Malta Eurovision 2007.
44:40
Oh my God. You're like, who let this guy in
44:43
this car? Very opposite because Malta
44:46
Eurovision 2025 have just been kicked out.
44:50
Very of the moment. Oh yeah, they have, haven't
44:53
they? Because their songs called cunt.
44:56
Yeah, it's called cunt, which is like you probably could have
44:58
seen that come in. Yeah Oh well, well they'll kick
45:02
you out for saying cunt, but not for, you know, propagating a
45:07
genocide. So who knows what flies this
45:11
anymore with the ESC. But this, this thing, I don't
45:16
know, because this is not from the book, is it?
45:19
They were just like, we need A twist ending.
45:22
We need a big ending. So what Lestar has been in the
45:26
car the whole time? I don't know.
45:29
You could, at first I was like, oh, so maybe Lestar when Brad
45:32
left, he followed Brad. But no, because in Brad's, you
45:36
know, talking interview bit, he says, oh, and that's the last I
45:39
saw of Lestar. You know, I never saw him again
45:41
for many, many years. So what?
45:44
For many, many years Tom's been in the car, right?
45:49
And why does he want to kill Christian Slater, who he's never
45:52
come across? And also, why does he suddenly,
45:56
you know, he's been, he's basically spent like 150 years
45:59
eating rats and then all of a sudden he's like, oh, I could
46:02
just eat people and then be hot again.
46:04
Yeah, he says if you stay with me, I could go outside and try
46:10
and get back to myself. Well, Brad doesn't stay.
46:13
So how have you gone and gone outside and gotten back to
46:15
yourself, babe? But anyway, I really like the
46:18
sending because it's stupid as hell.
46:20
And then you've got Guns and Roses doing in Sympathy for the
46:22
Devil and I love that too. So.
46:25
Which is fabulous. It couldn't have been more
46:26
opposite. But I have a quiz for you and I
46:29
know that you're going to know the answer, but it was not going
46:32
to be a Guns and Roses closing song.
46:35
Do you know what the song was going to be?
46:38
No, Cher. Oh wait, yes, I did know that
46:41
she got. A song for it.
46:43
Yeah, and she's actually released it subsequently in like
46:47
2013. It's an album track on Oh, I
46:51
meant to listen to it before. I'll put it in here.
47:00
I did listen to it, and it's so utterly, explicitly, clearly
47:05
made for this movie. It's all like, I know that
47:09
you're a vampire, but I'm one too, and I can suck blood and I
47:12
can suck you. And it's like, how have you just
47:15
released this on an album of pop bangers?
47:29
But it must have been a double blow that not only did they say
47:32
actually share, we're going to go with Tom Cruise or Brett,
47:35
we're not going to go with you, but also you're going to have to
47:39
find something to do with this Interview with the Vampire song.
47:44
And she was like, yeah, fine, my fans will take it.
47:48
We'll give it. Give it 20 years.
47:55
Well, you know Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart?
47:59
That song was originally written for a Nosferatu musical that
48:03
never happened. No.
48:05
Yeah. May and that's one of the see
48:08
this Cher, you went to literal. Yeah.
48:12
You can write a vampire song and just make it a bit witchy book
48:16
basically still about love and that'll do it.
48:19
Yeah. Oh my God.
48:22
That's why the Total Eclipse of the Heart music video is like a
48:27
vampire movie. Is it based from the film that
48:29
never got made? No, it was written for a stage
48:32
musical by What's His Face, The Jim Steinem.
48:35
Oh yeah. And then that that musical never
48:38
happened. And then it just somehow ended
48:39
up in Welsh Bonnie Tyler's lap, and she released it as a single.
48:43
But she was like, let me honour the source and I'll do a weird
48:47
music video. Oh, so she didn't create it for
48:50
No, it just ended up with her. Oh, I see.
48:53
Yeah. Well well done to them for not
48:56
letting that go down with that shit because that is one of the
48:58
best songs ever. I watched the new Nosferatu and
49:02
I was like, this movie is basically two hours of Bonnie
49:05
Tyler's total of the Heart music video.
49:07
And then I found that out and I was like, oh, because it
49:10
literally is mate. I would watch 2 hours of that
49:13
video. Yeah, well, there you go.
49:15
You can watch the new Nosferatu. I wondered if this was the first
49:19
movie where you've got vampire protagonists.
49:22
I thought that was kind of interesting.
49:24
It's obviously something we're used to now, but.
49:26
Of course you don't have a a weigh in vehicle that is the the
49:31
relatable every band character that discovers the vampires.
49:34
Yeah, or they're not like in, I feel like in movies prior to
49:38
this, they would have just been the monster threat.
49:40
Yeah. Not the like the sad boy.
49:45
So that's why it's Interview with the Vampire, because it is
49:48
interviewing the the looking for the perspective of the vampire
49:53
character for the first time perhaps.
49:56
Oh, you've you've you've figured it out.
49:58
Thank you, that is my pop psychology of a book that I've
50:01
never read. I think that makes a lot of
50:03
sense though, right? Well, what do we think of this
50:05
movie? You did not like it, so let's
50:09
hear. Let's hear your takes.
50:10
I didn't care for it. I was very bored.
50:14
It was two hours and it felt like 4 at which I think was
50:17
partly because, you know, they tried to, as we've said, crammed
50:21
so much in that actually the plot seemed really sparse.
50:24
It seemed like a bunch of things that happened, for example, 3
50:27
fires, because there wasn't really a journey at the centre
50:32
of it. We didn't go from A to B Brad
50:35
Pitt's character was one note, which was Casper the friendly
50:39
ghost who owned slaves. And he just remained that until
50:44
the end. Like, I think the great hope of
50:48
the movie. Well, you know what?
50:49
It had great performances from both Kirsten Dunst and Tom
50:54
Cruise. I'm going to give it to him.
50:56
I thought it he really sold it. And neither of them went
51:00
anywhere because they both just got killed so that we could make
51:04
more space for Tom Cruise's pouty eyes.
51:08
Brad Pitt, Yeah. Sorry, Brad Pitt's pouty eyes.
51:10
Yeah, totally. I agree.
51:13
I think this movie is basically a collection of vignettes.
51:16
Despite it being quite a long movie.
51:17
It doesn't have enough time to develop the emotional beats.
51:21
So everything you don't, you don't care that Brad Pitt is
51:24
sad. You don't care that he's left
51:27
Lestat. The only thing you care about
51:29
really is Kristen Dunst dying, Claudia dying.
51:33
But even that like the Madeline character that gets introduced,
51:35
you're like she's introduced probably 30 seconds before they
51:38
kill her and it's then it's played for an emotional beat
51:42
since everything feels very rushed.
51:43
You're right, it dilutes the death of Kirsten Dunst, doesn't
51:46
it? Yeah.
51:47
And also I would say because they're like the the gay stuff,
51:51
although it's very subtextual, it is subtextual.
51:55
And so you're like, why? What is this relationship
51:59
between Lestat and Louis and this like, what is the nature of
52:03
it? Like why does anyone care?
52:04
Why should I care? Because it can't say the quiet
52:07
part out loud, so you're left just like trying to fill in the
52:11
blanks and be like, I don't get it, I don't get it.
52:14
And it's the same with Armand. So I but I would say that that
52:18
makes it camper to me because there's a lot of dancing around
52:21
gay stuff, which just kind of makes me, I don't know, it just
52:25
kind of makes me giggle. It does make me.
52:28
Giggle. And you know, seeing Brad Pitt
52:31
and Tom Cruise nearly kiss in the 90s, that surprised me.
52:38
I was surprised to see that and I enjoyed.
52:40
It Yeah. Although again, they'd ruin
52:42
their skin so I actually wasn't aroused.
52:45
Do you know, do you know who Norm MacDonald is?
52:48
I think he was an SNL comedian, but he said on SNLI just watched
52:53
Interview with the Vampire, not gay enough.
52:57
And I think he meant it like sarcastically because he's like,
53:01
wow, this movie's so freaking gay.
53:04
So that's, it's kind of interesting that in the 90s this
53:07
movie was a little too gay, which arguably I could kind of
53:11
see it is quite gay. Do you know what?
53:13
It's too gay for a film that isn't at all gay.
53:16
Yes, make it a gay film and then the gayness fits right in.
53:20
Exactly. And that's again, going back to
53:23
the TV show, that's what they've done.
53:24
They're like, Oh yeah, it just, it needs to be gay.
53:27
And as a result, in a, in a way, the TV shows kind of less camp
53:30
because it's not afraid to like, say, the quiet part out loud,
53:34
whereas this one's really dancing around.
53:36
And it just means you've got Antonio Banderas in a really bad
53:40
Cher wig, like being really seductive.
53:43
And you're like, why is Antonio Banderas being so sexy?
53:47
But like, what's his goal here? Are they gonna kiss?
53:51
Do you know what I love? A 200% density human hair wig.
53:55
We all do. I am a drag queen.
53:57
But why have they given them such root lift, such volume,
54:04
unlike the vampire aesthetic, is always a bit sort of dark and
54:08
like the hair is quite thin usually and it's quite deathly
54:13
and sort of sleek but also a bit greasy.
54:16
No, they have gone with a back comb in there and so they look
54:22
like an anti supermodel which I guess was the vibe of the day.
54:25
Yeah, maybe that explains actually where the three hours
54:29
in the makeup chair when it was all spent on a blowout.
54:33
They've just got Cindy Crawford's hairstylist in.
54:36
Well, they had to sit in those curlers for at least an hour and
54:38
a half. Worst makeup I've ever seen.
54:42
Oh, I have a quiz question for you actually.
54:45
Do. You can you guess or do you know
54:47
anyone who auditioned for the Kirsten Dunst part?
54:52
I do. Can I remember?
54:56
I feel like Natalie Portman. I have not come across that
55:00
name. Who else will be the right age?
55:03
There are two that I've got. You tell me.
55:06
You tell me. One can you guess star of late
55:10
90s very very early dorties ROM coms teen films usually plays a
55:20
you know she's not going to conform.
55:22
No, I'm going to dance my way. Oh my God.
55:26
Julia Stiles. Julia bloody well styles.
55:29
She auditioned the other one. What's she?
55:34
Doing I'm just imagining Claudia doing a breakdance and then
55:40
suddenly we're watching Megan the.
55:44
Other one was Christy Christine Ritchie.
55:47
Oh, well, that would have, I mean, she would have, she would
55:50
have killed that. Well, Kirsten Dunst was actually
55:52
the first person that auditioned and they were like, we can't go
55:55
for the first one. So they auditioned like 1000
55:57
others and they were like no, no, no.
56:00
It was her, it was her. She was so good.
56:02
She's she's far too good for an 11 year old.
56:07
Far too. Good, an 11 year old should not
56:09
be out acting Brad Pitt, which I'm aware was only partly down
56:13
to her. Yeah, absolutely.
56:18
OK, I've got a question for you after watching this movie.
56:21
If you were a vampire, would you eat people?
56:25
Well, of course I would eat people, but I would eat bad
56:28
people. There's so many people to eat.
56:31
Like I'm not a vampire and can I say this on a podcast I would
56:40
like. There are a great many people
56:43
that I could think of right now who I think it would be
56:46
beneficial to dispose of. So yeah, absolutely, if I could.
56:49
Two birds once down. Yeah, I also just think like in
56:55
the movie logic, you know, if if you eat meat as a human, then
57:01
I'm sorry, if you're a vampire, you're going to eat people.
57:04
It's just unless you're listening to this and you're a
57:06
vegan, you're going to eat the people.
57:10
And you're not going to give a shit.
57:11
You're not going to give a shit. You're actually not going to do
57:14
what I said and go out and select the bad people.
57:16
Well, you hope. Yeah, the bad people, they're
57:21
often hard to access though, aren't they?
57:24
Yeah, it'd be hard. All their armoured Teslas.
57:30
This is it. I don't.
57:32
I think I'd struggle to get a bite on Trump.
57:34
And also imagine the taste. Just be pure, undiluted
57:41
McDonald's strawberry milkshake. Yeah, exactly.
57:44
Wait, that sounds delicious. No McDonald's strawberry
57:47
milkshake mixed with like, probably a bit of Crohn's and a
57:52
little bit of other comorbidities that affected 8
57:56
year old. 8 year old, all commingled.
57:59
He doesn't look like a man who poos freely.
58:02
No, absolutely not. He's Yeah.
58:05
How camp is this movie? Like, what do like, how does it
58:09
stack? I felt like I was spending the
58:12
movie kind of trying to glean moments of camp from a like,
58:18
kind of dreary movie. Yeah, but it it gave me
58:22
unintentional camp quite a lot. And then it occasionally gave me
58:26
intentional camp, specifically Kristen Dunst's performance.
58:31
And the character of Claudia was like an evil little girl.
58:34
I mean, that's always going to, yeah.
58:36
Ring ring some bells for me? But again, I would say she
58:41
actually played it for the Oscar.
58:44
You know, she just really played it in a way that may actually
58:47
cut through the camporee of it and made it.
58:48
Oh, I kind of believe it. So that was kind of less calm
58:51
for me. Tom Cruise, again, because what
58:53
he did became quite convincing because he'd, you know, lent
58:57
into these tropes that we're familiar with and and did them
59:00
well. That became not very camp for
59:02
me. It wasn't, you know, an
59:04
interesting choice. It wasn't out there.
59:06
And suddenly the casting of Tom Cruise at barrier gates type for
59:09
me became not that camp because he pulled it off.
59:11
Brad Pitt couldn't be less camp. I don't know what he was doing.
59:14
He was obviously very tired. I'm struggling to find a camp
59:19
moment that I enjoyed. The only one is the one that you
59:21
mentioned of where we're going to get another dress maker.
59:26
Yeah, there's a lot of on paper stuff that it should exist in
59:30
the camp, but I guess maybe when you actually watch it, the the
59:32
sum total just doesn't really add up.
59:35
But like, you've got a 90s gay movie starring Brad Pitt and Tom
59:38
Cruise and you've got horny Antonio Banderas and you've like
59:44
it should it should be Camper. I'm just hearing you say it now
59:47
and I'm like, did I watch the wrong film?
59:50
That sounds that sounds 10 Liza level.
59:54
Yeah, yeah. I think that all that's left
59:57
then is for us to rate this movie.
59:58
So it's time for the Kampa Meter.
1:00:05
Let's start with Merrills. For the quality of this movie,
1:00:09
how many Merrills are we giving it?
1:00:12
I right I the first move that I reviewed with you was Catwoman
1:00:19
and I gave it no Merrills. Can I give this more Merrills
1:00:23
than Catwoman? I think I can, because while I
1:00:29
feel that I actually sort of hated it quite a bit more and
1:00:34
like there are some things that were just like, done sort of
1:00:39
objectively better. Like you can't not pop in a
1:00:42
Merrell for Kirsten Dunst is performance.
1:00:45
I don't know how to say her name in the plural.
1:00:48
Kirsten Dunst is performance dunce, so sibilant Kirsten Dunst
1:00:59
performance is going to give for me a total of 2 Merrells.
1:01:06
Wow, that's low. That's low.
1:01:09
I see. I think I'm, I think Kristen
1:01:12
Dunst elevates this movie. I think there's some lovely
1:01:16
cinematography. I think there's some, there's
1:01:18
some, there's some great set pieces.
1:01:23
I love the costumes. There's some good special
1:01:26
effects. I think there's like a lot of
1:01:28
elements of a good movie here. I just think the overall package
1:01:33
is a bit of a mess. But I think for me, it's
1:01:36
probably in the five Merrill's territory.
1:01:41
Groundbreaking. Do you know what the things that
1:01:43
you've listed once again actually make me hate the film
1:01:46
more? You.
1:01:48
Are. Such phenomenal, locally
1:01:50
sourced, delicious, artisan local ingredients and you turn
1:01:56
them into a pile of dog shit. I'm feeling tempted to remove
1:02:00
one of my Lizas. OK, well wah wah for this movie
1:02:10
in Merrill's. OK, what about Lizas?
1:02:12
How camp is this movie? Well, same again, it had the
1:02:18
ingredients to be a 10 camp and it didn't go down as far as a
1:02:23
two I would say because I think things can be dog shit and camp.
1:02:31
I mean things almost have to be dog shit and camp.
1:02:35
So yeah, seeing Tom Cruise eat the scenery while Brad Pitt does
1:02:41
nothing except sort of occasionally slightly lick Tom
1:02:45
Cruise and occasionally a child. Unnerving, unsettling, but
1:02:50
undeniably camp. I'm going to go 4.
1:02:53
Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's fair.
1:02:56
It's it's very camp on paper and like thinking about it post.
1:03:03
I even think it's I kind of, I'm already being like, this is such
1:03:06
a camp movie because I've enjoyed talking about it, but
1:03:10
watching it didn't, no, did not have the camp joy.
1:03:14
It's just nice to have a chat, isn't it?
1:03:16
I think don't. Don't let that sway you.
1:03:19
Yeah, I'm going to give it. Yeah, I'll give it for Lisa's as
1:03:24
well. In Lyric City.
1:03:27
I chopped on the shrimp. Well, there you go.
1:03:31
Does this on balance between Merrells and Lisa's?
1:03:33
Is this the lowest score so far or?
1:03:36
Yeah, it's one of the low ones for sure, for sure.
1:03:39
I mean, you really brought it down with that too.
1:03:43
I'll stand by. Yeah, fair, fair.
1:03:46
What I would say to anyone listening, go watch the TV
1:03:50
series, especially Season 1. It's really fab.
1:03:52
It's really fab. And maybe the book's good, but
1:03:56
we'll never know, because neither of us can read.
1:04:00
Any professorial Gatreon members let us know.
1:04:04
Thank you so much, Sue. Thank you for having me.
1:04:06
Where can people find you? They can find me on the
1:04:09
Instagram at Sue Gives a Fuck. Gorgeous.
1:04:12
And we will be back in two more weeks with another Camp Classic.
1:04:19
Bye. Get away from her, you bitch.
1:04:24
Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
1:04:28
when she was researching spiders right before she died.
1:04:36
Thought you become a prostitute. Or a dog at it.
1:04:39
I used to love doggy chow. I used to love doggy chow too.