Latest / Sukany4: The Walk and Talk Podcast / Judith Cook - Hammond's Pond - Singer and Entertainer, Former Blue Coat, Menopause, Author, Advocate for Kindness

Transcript

Judith Cook - Hammond's Pond - Singer and Entertainer, Former Blue Coat, Menopause, Author, Advocate for Kindness · Sukany4: The Walk and Talk Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_02: Hello and welcome back to Sir Kanya the Podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Sakania, and if you're new here, welcome to the show where we walk, we talk, and we discovered that the most profound truths can be found hiding in those small moments.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_02: Today I'm at the beautiful Hannah's Pond with someone whose story will make you consider everything you think you know about hope and purpose and second chances.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Her name is Judith Cook.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: And not long ago, Judith genuinely believed she had no right to exist.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: But then snowdrops appeared and the sun came down like a spotlight on the very flowers that represent hope itself.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: In this conversation, Judith doesn't hold back.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: She shares the darkness, the real belief that her life didn't matter.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: But she also shares what happened when she chose to notice the small signs the universe was sending her.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: You'll hear about kindness becoming medicine, about finding purpose and singing to people with dementia, about writing a book called The Gift of Human Kindness that was born from her darkest days.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: And if you stay till the end, Judith will sing for us.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right there by the pond.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: A song about climbing mountains and following rainbows until you find your dream.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: It was a full-up, crowd-stopping, goose bumpy moment.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to miss that.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: Before we begin, a quick note.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_02: This conversation touches on mental health struggles and suicide ideations.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Judith speaks with grace and hope.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_02: But if you're in a vulnerable place, please make sure you have support nearby.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_02: And please know this if Judas' story teaches us anything, it's that there's always a reason to stay.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: Now grab those boots, get cozy, and let's walk.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: Hi Judith, how are you?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_04: Fine, thank you.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_04: Good.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_02: How's your day been?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, so far, um, not so not so bad this morning, really.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_04: I was up quite early, which is quite good for me.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's good.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I've just had some uh bit of breakfast, yeah, and I always have my banana.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, do you?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_04: It's like your daily thing.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_04: It is.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_04: One one a day.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_04: One a day.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: What is your breakfast?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_04: I had porridge today, actually.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: Really?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: On a warm day.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: I have porridge.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what?
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_02: I have breast and curry on a warm day.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: Do you?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but curry is good for you.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: And it's satisfying.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: I like I like that it fills me up.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I need a good breakfast.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_04: I can't do like a small quick breakfast that doesn't work for me at all.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_04: No, but as long as I have my banana, yeah, which gives me energy.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_04: And it it it's proven, but it's in here.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_04: It just gives me energy.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, in your mind.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_04: So in my mind.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't really get hungry.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: You don't?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_04: No, um, for a while if I've had my banana.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_04: And I just think it's mind over matter, really.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_04: That's true.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_04: By the way, you look beautiful today.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, thanks, Jim.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's so nice of you.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you look something else.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: So do you know?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_04: Too nice for this Hammonds Pond business.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the drive to Carlisle was lovely.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: I did, as I said before, had a tiny little moment at Shap where I thought, oh god, it's cold.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: Shopp is always cold.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: Now it's beautiful.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: And Hammond Park's stunning.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: Look at this.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_04: The little look at this.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: Little duckies have come out to say hi.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh no, this is amazing.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_02: Come back.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_04: This is really amazing.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_04: It's because we've got no bread in our hands or anything, you're not allowed to feed them anyway.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, we're not, you know.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_04: But they are beautiful.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_02: What a good idea to come here.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: I know.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I couldn't believe it because I've lived here quite some time.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_04: And because of where I work up the road there, I know even it was in here.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_04: They must know beautiful people when they see them.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Look at them.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow, they're all coming.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: Little baby singlet.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_04: I know, look at them.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_04: They're beautiful, aren't they?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's so gorgeous.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_04: We are so lucky, Judy.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_04: We are.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: And I could now I know it's here this place.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_04: I come here quite often.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's thrilling.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_04: Look at the one over there.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_04: Can you see?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_04: Which one?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_04: Over there, stood up.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, is it a stork?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's a heron.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: It's a heron.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's not a stork.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's a heron.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's a heron.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Look at them.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: Hammond Pond.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_02: Hammond's Pond.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_04: Hammond's Pond, yeah.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_04: And do we know why it's called that?
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_04: Well, this place, right?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_04: Um, my husband was telling me because he's from here.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_04: And everybody used to come here as children.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_04: The train used to run.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_04: The boats used to run.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_04: And it was such a really big family place.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I was putting it in my mind of where I come from in in older Lancashire.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_04: There's a similar place like this.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_04: And everybody did used to come there and as they do here.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_04: Here.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_04: It's a great place for families.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_04: Your dress is pretty.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_04: Well, this is a holiday dress.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_04: And I've never really worn them here because it's never been as warm as this.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't it great?
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're getting it.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's been such a holiday dress.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I love that.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_04: Are you alright?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, look at that.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: That's my husband's cousin.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, is it?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so nice.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, Judith, you're from Oldham, Lancashire.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: I am.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: And you fell in love and moved to Carlisle.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_02: Was that how it worked out?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_04: It is it is really how it worked out.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_04: Because like I said, born and bred in Lancashire, and there's a lot to be said about Lancashire people.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_04: Because they say that they're full of personality.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_04: And if if I've got to say anything about all of them where I come from, my childhood was amazing.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, was it?
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that's where my personality must have developed.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_04: Because as kids it was amazing, it really was.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_04: And like this place here, we had a place called Alexandra Park, and that's where we all went.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's funny, really.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_04: I'd never heard of Carlisle.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_04: Because when, like I said, when I was in Lancashire, the main place there is Manchester, of course.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_04: So and Blackpool.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like you we have there's Morcom and Blackpool look at these.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_04: Oh well, Blackpool was my place to go.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_04: And when I was a child and teenager growing up, it was amazing.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_04: It was absolutely amazing, Blackpool, because it was the place to go.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_04: So when I started work at Littlewoods in Oldham, Littlewoods Organisation Limited.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: Friday night.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_04: Was in the car off to Blackpool because it was 50 minutes up the road.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_04: And we used to go for the weekend and sleep in the car.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, did you?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: With our mates.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so cool.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: That was my teenage years.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_04: It was amazing.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_04: And then back then you could get into the theatres, whatever, you know, because they didn't really bother so much about how old you were then, etc.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_04: But it wasn't about drinking then, it was just about living the life.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_04: And with your friends that you work with.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_04: Friday, because we didn't work weekends then.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_04: We worked Monday to Friday.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_04: And so the weekend was ours, you know, when we were because I started work at Littlewoods when I was 15.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_04: Oh wow.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_04: And of course, all my friend them, they're my first friends.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: And they've stayed with me for life.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, have they?
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, your first friends were always the best.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's so special.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm in touch with them now.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_04: And they were amazing.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_04: Honestly, they really were.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_04: Some of the times I've gone through when your mates are really there for you.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's always it's always been a thing for me.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_04: Good friendships.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_04: Should be kept, it should be nurtured.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, definitely.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_02: It's a two-way street, isn't it?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Look how lovely.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_04: Look at the size of this.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: It is huge.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I really had anticipated it being so big.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: It is huge.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't want to spoil it for myself, so I didn't Google it.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: I just got the address.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you got the address.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_04: How did you meet your husband?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_04: It's really late on in my life because I didn't really get my act together until I left Baldwin.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_04: And when was that?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_04: Judas.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_04: I know it's like this is your life.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_04: Um when was that then?
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_04: I was 20.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_04: Was it like 10 years ago?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's it's quite a lot of years ago.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_04: Me and Must have been married 26 years.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, congratulations.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's lovely.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_04: We went to London for our go uh 25th.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: For your 25th, wow.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_04: What did you do?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_04: For the for our silver anniversary.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_04: We went to London.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Judith, I'd have to meet someone today and hope they don't die.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: Or I don't die.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: So that's amazing.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Congratulations.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_04: So we went to London and we went to see Phantom of the Opera.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: And stayed in London Hotel and everything.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_04: It was amazing.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_04: It really was amazing.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_04: So I I really my life was quite upside down until I met my husband, really.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you say it was upside down, just not focused and wrong decisions.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh okay.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: The right decision I made was to have the friends that I've got now for life.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_04: That was the right decision.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_04: The place of work was the right decision because it kept me grounded.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: You know how people have problems and they can't go to work, they can't function.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_04: My functioning was being at work.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_04: If it wasn't for me going to work, I don't know, I don't know where I'd be really.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_04: So work has always been my saviour.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, oh that's good.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_04: I'm a working girl, and um I thank my parents for that.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_04: Because they said if you don't work, you don't get any pleasures in life.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_04: No, they said pleasures won't come to you.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_04: You've got to go and find them.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_04: And they said, if you've got money in your pocket, then you can, you know, you can buy what you want, you can see what you want, you can do what you want because you've earned that money.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you uh it's a pleasure to think, well, I work for that.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_04: And that's been my ethic right up till now, really.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_04: I can't foresee myself, you know, not working.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_04: Because um, I bring pleasure to people.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and people said to me, This uh, you know, I'm not a business person, I've never been business minded, okay, but I've got this people said this personality, yeah, which I got from my childhood and it stays with me.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: And and it's infectious.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_04: And it's that's it.
• 11:07
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_04: Infectious, that's the way.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_04: You have a lovely energy about you.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_04: And they said to me, you know, my mum always said to me, always put your lipstick on.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: Always, always and you have.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and always look after your hair.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_04: And my mum had her hair done every every Saturday.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_02: Did she?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, every every Saturday.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Is there anything?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_04: And she went to bingo.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, did she?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, and then she had it styled every Saturday.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: So she had it styled every Saturday.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_04: She had it styled every Saturday and she went to bingo.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_04: That was my mum's uh uh thing.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and she said, and uh, because I used to say to her, why do you go to the dresser?
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_04: She says it's about um your presentation, yeah.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, once you've got your hair done, she says you can do anything, and that stuck with me.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_04: Oh I am a I'm a Leo person and my hair is my fortune.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, is that right?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, honestly, do you know why people know me?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_04: They'll say, You are the girl with the hair.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh with the hair, and I think you're well, yeah, I hope I've got hair.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you have, it's really but that's what they say, yeah.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_04: And it's stuck, you know.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_04: So I've always looked after my hair, yeah, always looked after the way I present myself, yeah, and it's never failed me.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's nice, that's really good.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_04: Self-care kind of because it's their first impressions, yeah, absolutely.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: You are your business god.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: I am, and you know when I when I saw you, you are too.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_04: Oh am I you're infectious when I saw you, you know who goes after a dull person?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no one do they?
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: That's true, you know.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_04: So when I saw you, I thought to myself, wow, you know, that lady, that smile, you know.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, oh that's really and that's how it is.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's how it is for me.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so leaving older, was that a difficult decision?
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was, yeah, because um all my friends were there who'd stood by me through quite a lot of stuff, and my my best friend who's called Wendy, we're in touch now.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, and you know what makes it so funny?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I've gone through a very bad episode, and she's going through the same now.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_04: Is she really?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, my lifelong friend is is is going through the same.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: I can't believe it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so she's there saying, What's happening?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_04: And I can tell her, yeah, you know, that's the funny part, is I can tell her she's going through she's got heart palpitations, which is what I had.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_04: She would say, she says, Am I on the right medication?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: And it was that long ago I had to go and remember what what mine was, and but the things I've been telling her is all through whatever I've gone through, I've never been afraid to speak.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and some say it's a problem.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think it's a problem because I don't think you get anywhere if you don't speak.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_04: So when I when I had my illness, which is jumping up a bit, yeah, I think I learned how to speak because I wasn't getting anywhere.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you have to advocate for yourself.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_04: But we can come to that, yeah.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: We'll come to that in a second.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_04: I was just saying about leaving Oldham.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_04: Even though my family was there and it pulled, my mum said to me, She said, Judy, she said, There's nothing here for you.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_04: She says, You you've got to you want to pursue your singing, which I always did because I could sing from being born.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_04: She said, Oh really?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, she said, I came out smiling.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, can you imagine that mummy?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: I can imagine it.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_04: My mum said, I came out smiling.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, I could say super colour freed you listed, XBL Door.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_04: She's at five.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: Really?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: At five.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, she said, I'll never forget when you said when you said that.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, I was born for a reason, yeah, you know, for something else.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_04: And and I pursued my dream.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_04: I was that girl, you know.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_04: We you read it so much now that people say, Oh, I get my hairbrush and sing, but I didn't just get my hairbrush to sing into, I sang out of the windows upstairs.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: Did you?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: And there was people watering the gardens, yeah, for the neighbourhood.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_04: And they were watering the gardens and they would look up.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_04: And they would listen to me singing.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's so nice.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I and I loved, I've always loved an audience.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_03: I can't lie.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: I can't lie.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know, an audience is good for me because people say I can't get up and and and sing, I can't get up and speak.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_04: But I can.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: And and it's always something I've been been good at.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, when I left.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: And you've enjoyed.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_04: I have, I mean, I've enjoyed it so much.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_04: Does it make you feel really good?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, I can't tell you.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_04: It's still there.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: Isn't it?
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_04: It's still there.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_04: You know, it's a case of like I see people's faces when I sing.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_04: I see them smile.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's nice.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I can read lips.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_04: I learned to read lips.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I can, I can read lips.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm singing, remember, facing people, right?
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_04: So it's not very difficult to look who's enjoying it and who isn't.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'd be I I would things just came automatically to me.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_04: I'd say, you know, everybody having a good time?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I'd say, well, you tell your face that, you know, tell your face that you'll be surprised.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and it I love that.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_04: And it's it's natural.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know how I do it.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: The banter.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the banter.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't know.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, tell your face.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: You're happy.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_04: We could all do with that.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_04: We could.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_03: Tell your face.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: You're happy.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, you're happy.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I've found out so many things since I less left Oldham.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_04: If you're happy, you bring happiness.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_04: You do.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_04: You know.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_04: It just glows from you, doesn't it?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_04: And it is like infectious because other people get it too.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, totally.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_04: So yeah, my life did change for the better when I left Oldham.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I regret leaving my friends, um, my family and things, but family would repair itself.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_04: You know, friends, if they wanted you, you would stick together, you would communicate and things like that.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_04: But life, yeah, you only get one life.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_02: One chance at that time.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_04: And when your parents say to you, you've got to go and find it, it won't come to you.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Then because you're young enough, yeah, you do it.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't that right?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_04: And I did.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, sorry.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry, I jumped in that taxi.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_04: And to my first job.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: So what was your first job?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_02: And where was it?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_04: My first job.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_04: See this Blackpool thing I was telling you about.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_04: It came to matter, right?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: Because we used to go to Blackpool and the entertainment was fantastic.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I wanted to be a part of that.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_04: You wanted the Bluecourt's entertainers.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_04: And I found them fabulous.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_04: I used to say, please can I come and help you?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_04: You know, little girl, please can I come help you?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_04: And they give you the bucket with the things to hang hand out, you know, and things like that.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_04: And I always did that.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I always wanted to help.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_04: I said to my mum one day, I said, um, that's what I want to be.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I want to be a blue court.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: Well, she said you'll have to work hard.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_04: She said to be to be one of them and prepared to, you know, prepared to do the work.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I says, but I want to sing, Mum.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I want to sing.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: And she knew I always wanted to sing because I sang everywhere.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you could used to tell me to shut up and that.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: And I was my hand up in the class, and it was, you know, get to the back duty, give somebody else a chance, you know.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_04: My first job that really mattered was a blue coat, but I was but I was 26, for God's sake.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_04: Blue coats are 16, 18.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_04: So you still did it.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_04: I did.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_04: It shouldn't really matter.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: It shouldn't really, but I became the mother of the young ones.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_04: Because because they they'd left the boyfriends, I'd been there and done that, you know, so I helped them.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh so again, I was helping.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I've I've helped that caregiving role.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_04: All my life.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_04: But I'd already been working since I was 16.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: So 10 years in.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, 10 years in.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_04: Ten years in.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_04: But everything has been like that for me.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: This 10 years thing.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, really?
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: You're in the 10 year cycle.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: I am.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I am.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_04: Because I can tell you how it works.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_04: So, yeah, so the 10 years in, but from then on, it was the best time of my life.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: I was earning money to entertain people.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_04: To to make people happy and getting paid to make people happy.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_04: And that's how it's been for me.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_04: And because somebody pays you to do that, for me, it was like I've been given something, you know, I have a talent, a talent to share.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_04: And somebody's paying me for this.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's amazing.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I put my whole heart and soul into it.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: Do you know what I mean?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you just get so much like you're glowing when you talk about how you just make other people happy, you know, with what you can do.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_04: That's really nice.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_04: And it's all I've learned.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: All I've learned is to, and I when I make someone happy, the feeling I get.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's lovely.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_04: Because all these endorphins, the whole release.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I I just feel like a lot of butterflies have come on to me and they're just pinging off into the world.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so nice.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_04: Look at this lovely play park.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's so nice to see it being used on a day like today.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: You see, this should be open.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, the cafe.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_04: The cafe.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_04: And it's run by the council.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_04: And it's not open.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_04: It's unbelievable.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's disappointing, isn't it?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it is.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_04: Down here, the train, we used to go around there.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_04: And that's what attracts all these people.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: So you've been singing then for your whole career.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, for my whole life.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so how can that not be a good thing?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_04: You know, yeah.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_04: What is the world without music?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, do you know uh do you know the group Abba?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there's a song which is stuck in my head, right?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_04: It says, I have a talent, yeah, a wonderful thing.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_04: Because everyone listens when I start to sing.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_04: And it says, I'm so grateful and proud, which is what I am.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_04: All I want is to sing it out loud and then speak.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_04: I haven't been that good.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_04: I sang with such it's like a it's like a something someone's pressed a button, yeah, you know, and it's it's like off you go, you know, like a coiled spring.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_04: And um it just oozes out of me.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_04: Oh and to see people.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_04: That's been me.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_04: I have sang all the big ballads of the day.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_04: I've had more all the outfits.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: Have you?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm the featherboar girl.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you are.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Good for you.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, for the boy girl.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_04: And if anybody said, you know, dress up, yeah, you know, put something on, you'll be there.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_04: You'll be our pillar box girl.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_04: That'd be me.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because I love to dress up, you know, like any event, like Valentine had wear a load of hearts.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um, Easter, I was an Easter bunny bunny girl with the with the pompon on the back.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um it was amazing.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_04: And I I used to love to show my my legs off.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: You know, because I used to wear the nice tights that showed your legs off.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_04: Leotard, I was loved a leotard.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, you know, I used to come out singing in a leotard.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_04: Did you do it?
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_04: Loved it.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_04: Because I had the body, I had the legs and everything.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and made me feel good.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_04: And I used to dress it all up and the jewelry.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_04: And everyone used to say, you know, and I I just loved the lights, you see.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_04: I loved all the flashing lights, yeah, you know, and the spotlight on you, and it just used to do something to me.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I just feel like a different person.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, did you?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: Like the person that was resting inside you the whole time.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's like whatever happened to me, yeah, what went wrong when I sang, yeah, it was like none of it matters.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_04: None of it matters.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_04: I totally get that.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_04: That's exactly that's exactly what it was, and it was the best years of my life.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: How long did you do that for then?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it just seems just seems forever because like because relationships have gone bad and gone wrong.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I went to see a fortune teller in Alden before I left.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_04: And she told me everything that had happened to me.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh wow.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_04: She told me why it had happened and this, that, and the other, and she said she says you will meet somebody.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_04: But she said it won't be for two years.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_04: Which she said, you have to choose between the fair and the dark.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_04: So there would be two people.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh okay.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_04: And it's up to you which one you choose.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_04: She says, I can't tell you uh who to choose.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_04: And you you will choose the right one.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh okay.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: And it was so it was so weird.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: And did you so did you meet a fair-haired and a dark-haired person?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: You did.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: I did.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_04: And I chose the I chose the fair-haired one.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh you did.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_04: And because I went to move away to to start my career, if you like.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_04: And the person I'm married to now, he was there all the time.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_04: Round every corner.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_04: He was there.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_04: Round every corner.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_04: I bumped into him.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_04: And we smiled and he made me laugh.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm always attracted to a guy who can make me laugh.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_04: Not ex they don't have to be the most handsome in the world.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_04: But they have to be uh make me laugh.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_04: And have a uh have a laugh with and be and be kind and be nice, you know.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_04: And we we met when he was with someone else.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_04: So I thought, well, it can't be him.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_04: He's not single.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_04: But he became single.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_02: And we did get together.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: That's handy.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_04: Handy.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_04: I knew two songs.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_04: Right when I when I moved onto holiday camps.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_04: And because I came from Oldham, there was a lady called Gracie Fields.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_04: And she was like a Vera Lynn.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, yes.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_04: So you'll be familiar with a Vera Lynn.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_04: Well, Gracie Fields was the northern Vera Lynn.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I see, okay.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_04: And she entertained the troops and things, Gracie Fields, and she was she was quite famous.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_04: He said to me, the entertainment's manager, he says to me, Oh, you'd be singing a song by Gracie Fields, won't you?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I says, No.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I don't do Gracie Fields.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_04: Because she wasn't, it wasn't the right kind of singing.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I'm more of a Elaine Page.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_04: And he says, Oh, are you?
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_04: You know, he said, You'll have to prove that you're Elaine Page.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_04: And I could sing like Elaine Page because that I was a theatre girl.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_04: I loved the musicals.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I was in as a child.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_04: You know, right from being five, six year old, I was in the school productions, I was in the school choir, I was in musicals.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_04: So I was Elaine Page in my head.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_04: And I had two dresses when I went to the holiday camp.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: That's all I had.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_04: He said to me, he said, if you want to do Elaine Page, he said, you're going to have to prove that you can.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_04: So that's where my partner came in.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_04: Because he said to me, he said, Look, you want to sing in that show?
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_04: He said, We'll rehearse.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_04: And we hears every spare time on my heart.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_04: Because he was a musician already.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, was he?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: What did he play?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_04: He played piano and keyboards.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_04: It was meant to be.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and he could sing too.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_04: And he still can actually.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_04: So we rehearsed this song.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: Everywhere, which way, and wherever.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: And it wasn't a case of that I couldn't sing it.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_04: I just had to prove that I could not just sing it, but I could present it.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_04: So I put my best dress on and I I sang Memory.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, did you?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_04: Beautiful song.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I sang it, and the place was still.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_04: You could hear a pin drop.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_04: And I sang it.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_04: And then on the end, I messed it up because I was singing Memory from Cats Midnight.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_03: Not a sound from the pavement.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_04: So I did the singing and and I just turned my back on the audience and walked without uh yeah, without curtsy.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: Because I couldn't do it.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: So you overwhelmed.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: And the entertainment's manager's at it.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_04: He says to me, he says, My god, he said, that was stunning.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_04: He says, but did you realise what you just did?
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_04: And I went, No.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_04: And he says, you just turned your back on the audience, went and walked five stairs.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_04: He said, You're gonna have to work on that.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_04: So there was me practicing my, you know, and you have to walk off backwards.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, do you?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, but you turned your back to yeah, yeah, you have to go like that, you know, because that's how it was.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_04: And then when you got to the back, yeah, you walked off then.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: But not straight away.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_04: Not what you did.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: You couldn't believe it.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought, oh no.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_04: So anyway, so I had to work on that.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_04: But once I worked on that, it was all the way up then.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, me and my husband now got engaged when I was 30.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's nice.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's a good age.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: And I got engaged when I was 30.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_02: But 30.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um, it was good.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: It was a real good time because I'd left Oldham, I'd got in my job, yeah, I'd met him then, yeah.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_04: And we got engaged.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_04: And my 30s and 40s were the best years.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, were that my whole thing?
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so lovely.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_04: That 30s and 40s went everywhere.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_04: Went uh because the the the lady who did my horoscope said, Yeah, you will go overland and see you'll never look back.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_04: You will earn your money.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_04: She said you'll never be famous.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_04: I've never forgotten that.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_04: But she said you'll never look back.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: And she said there will be obstacles.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_04: And that's it.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: She said you need to be brave enough to cross them.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_02: And this is the lady you saw when you left Alderman.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_02: And you still remember what she said.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, what she said.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_04: I've never forgotten that.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, because she's the only one that made sense.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_04: I've been to another one.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't go to anybody after that till now this is going to be about what is it now?
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_04: This is only a couple of years ago I went to see this lady.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I have come through quite a lot.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_04: So she told me about what has happened since I left Aldham, since my work and things and all that.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, you're on a horse.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_04: At the moment, but you're not going anywhere.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, you need to put your past behind you and move forward.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_04: She says, because it's all there for you.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: It's true.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, when people say that, yeah, it sounds easy, but it's not, is it?
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_02: You have to really do the work.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, why I left Oldham was really tragic.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_04: Family and things, yeah, really, really bad.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_04: When I tell people now, they're mortified.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, are they?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, really, really bad.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_04: When this lady told me, she says, the things that you've already done and come through are amazing, but she said there's more to come.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, now you know that this horse, yeah, uh, with wings on.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_04: The horse with like Pegasus.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_04: She said, that that's you.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_04: And she said it wants to fly.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: Saying that now, I'm 62 now.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_04: Are you?
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_04: I am.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_04: We'll edit that.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we'll edit that out.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_04: And to think that I've still got life in abundance and law of attraction because that's made the universe.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_04: The universe talks to me.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_04: And I talk back to the universe.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_04: And how does that work?
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_04: How do you do that?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_04: Manifesting it.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_04: And it works.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_04: But you've got to truly believe.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_04: You can't go up to somebody and say, Right, I really, I really want that bag.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_04: And say, I really, really like you've got to be able to, you've got to be a grateful person.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_04: You've got to be the person that you know appreciates what people do for you, how people help you, how you help them.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_04: So I think you've got to be a certain kind of person for it to work.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_04: And when she told me this lady that I went to see just recently, I think it's more it's only about two years ago.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: And she said that immediately things started to happen.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_04: Really?
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's so powerful.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's just amazing.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_04: And actually seeing you was one of them.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_04: Because when you said to me, you know, I do podcasts, and I said, I'm looking for one, you went really, as though to say, Well, everybody says that, you know what I mean?
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_04: But no, I was really looking for it because it's kind of like at the moment now I'm promoting motivation.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because motivation is what got me better.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: You are, yeah.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_02: So do we want to talk about that now?
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: So do you want to explain to us?
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's really hard.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: We don't need to go into huge detail because it's obsessed.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: People have said that I have to move on from it.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_04: But it'll always be with me.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_04: Because it's a big part of who you are.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_04: It's a big part of who I am.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_04: I I I was a very naive person.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_04: Because I just went with the floor, and if somebody was nice to me, I believed them and this, that and the other.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_04: As far as I was going into a car with somebody, which your mother told you never to do.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I thought they were doing me something kind, you know, take taking me to somewhere else.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_04: I should have never got into a car or anything with a stranger.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I see.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_04: But nothing happened, but that's one of the things that you know you shouldn't shouldn't do.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_04: But I believe people, that's the thing.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_04: Not so much now because of what's happened to me, but yeah.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_04: I was a very naive, to say the least.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_04: And I've never been good on my own, but this is my true friend stayed with me because I am only now at 62-year-old learning how to cook.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_04: Because I've never had to do it.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_04: Never had to, because I've life on the road.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, life on the road, you get fed.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_04: Everywhere you stay, you you get food.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_04: You know.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_04: And then I met Al, who's a fantastic.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_04: Is he?
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_04: It's all meant to be, Judy.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but I am learning now.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_04: I just now this is me wanting to learn.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_04: But my illness, it didn't come till I was 48.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_04: So this is what I'm trying to say to my 30s.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and your forties.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_04: My 40s.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_04: Have you heard the phrase play work hard and play hard?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that's what I did.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_04: That was the life as an entertainer.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_04: Because you always had to work.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_04: But then it was such a hard job that having fun was something that you had to do too.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_04: But we do it all together.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_04: You burn the candle at both ends.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_04: And which is what we had to do.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_04: We had to be up early in the morning, we had to speak to people, and then you're supposed to sleep and then work.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_04: But when you're young, you don't do that.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_04: No, you want to do all the all at once.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_04: All at once.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so it's a case of like, and because of what had happened to me, I had I had to make up for my life, if you know what I mean.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_04: So my 30s and 40s was just living the high life, working.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_04: Good thing you singing.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, look how little freaking playing hard.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_04: It was amazing.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_04: And then at 45 things started to go a bit funny, and I didn't know what it was, you see, because I was so naive.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_04: I kept thinking it's a cold or it's but there was things changing in my body, and that was to be a very big test for me because I didn't know one kind of medicine from another.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: Because all I ever had to have in my whole life was paracetamol.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_04: And things would be okay.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_04: And a leg sit, do you know what I mean?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_04: That's how I survived.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_04: But when I got really seriously ill, it was the most frightening thing that's ever happened to me.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_04: But if I can say that saying, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_04: That is what happened to me.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_04: And people reserve with these words, but they're true.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_04: They're there for a reason.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_04: It was a life and death situation then.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it was, yeah.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_04: All because on my part I didn't understand, and on other people's part they didn't tell me properly.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_04: You know, if you said to me, right, tomorrow I want you to go to um a place, pick up a parcel for me, I would be saying to you, where exactly is that place, please?
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_04: You know, so yeah, yeah, we'd have to look for it, yeah.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_04: I'd have to know where I'm going to, yeah, and uh pick the parcel up, I'd have to write it down, yeah, and make sure because somebody's asked me to do something, yeah, you know, and you want to do it right for you.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_04: But then that was me with medication, I needed it explaining.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_04: But my first medication was written on a pill packet.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_04: Now I don't even take pills.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_04: No, I don't.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_04: But on a pill packet is just a packet with hardly any writing.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_04: From people, it's full of writing on how many to take and this, that, and the other.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_04: There's no space for anybody to write on.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_04: So the person who was seeing me in the hospital said, and I I was a mess at this time.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_04: And she's I thought she said, take these and these.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_04: But it was take that or that.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I was with both.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I took them both.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_04: She wrote it down on this packet, couldn't tell what she'd written down or anything.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_04: And it was so wrong because I'd never been ill before.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_04: And all I needed was somebody to explain to me what was happening, what was going on.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_04: That I was going through the menopause.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_04: Right, oh I see.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_04: That's what that's what it was.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: That's what it was, but I didn't know what it was.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_04: Because my parents that uh back then they didn't talk about it.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_04: My mum, she had a headache.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_04: She had a headache.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_04: So I think your pet preparent, if they had a headache, then you should be the same.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_04: You know, yeah.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: But I I wasn't, and um the good thing is that we are talking about menopause so much more now, and this is so much more education, and I think this comes up a lot at the moment, yeah.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you know, when you're starting this journey and you're at school and they tell you about periods and sex and stuff, they don't tell you about the end game.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: No, they don't, and they need to really, yeah, because we need to be educated.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_04: I experienced periods, I experienced sex, yeah.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_04: That was fine, you know.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_04: I come with all that, but this menopause lack, nobody had told me anything about it, yeah.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_04: And how you get it, and I just thought I was run down and lethargic, and yeah, but it was nuts, yeah, yeah, nuts, anxiety, brain fog.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_04: So, like I say, it was just uh it was just mind-blowing, and for all the wrong reasons, I didn't understand them and I and I and they gave me that would be the brain fog as well.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they and they gave me all the wrong stuff and uh before they found out what it was because I was born with an extra piece of wiring to my heart.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh I see, which didn't do the menopause any good because it added to it.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: So actually trying to just strip back all these things to determine that it was menopause resulted in you getting more sick.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, yeah, okay.
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_04: I was because they were giving me from somebody who'd never had anything down at my stomach was saying what are all these things that are coming into your stomach.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it wasn't just tablets, it was I was taking something to try and make me feel better.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know what it doesn't go with one thing or another.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: I was just taking things, yeah.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I was on antidepressants, right?
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_04: I was on uh sleeping tablets because I had to work as well, remember.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_04: That must have been tough working with all that.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_04: I turned 15 and I thought this is gonna be great, you know.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_04: It seriously wasn't.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_04: No, and then at 55, yeah, uh, for anybody who's who's read my first book, My Doors of Destiny, and it stuck with me about my doors of destiny, which was my autobiography.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: That tells everybody what it was like as a singer.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_04: But a singer with an illness, a serious illness, yes, and how you have to work and cope with it is something totally different.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's available on my webpage, my first one.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, and what's your website called?
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_04: My website's called www.mydoorsofdestiny.com.
• 39:47
  unknown: Perfect.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_04: It's a case of like I put it all in there because I wanted people to understand because you were saying what he what what is it like to work with whatever's going on.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_04: As long as these palpitation things I was having, they weren't coming at work, they were coming at home.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_04: So that is.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_04: You know, because I was still being able to entertain as long as I could do that, everything else I could court with.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_04: But when it started to affect my entertaining, it all went wrong.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'll never forget it.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know why?
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's very funny.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_04: We're in August now.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_04: Because my whole world ended on August 31st.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, really?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, 2018.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_04: And I was I was singing.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_04: I was singing.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_04: And this big palpitation computed came from my feet.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_04: And it worked its way up.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so did the sweat.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_04: And so did this fuzziness.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_04: And for somebody who can sing and who's always sang and never had a problem.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_04: And you're facing all these people, yeah, and you're singing this song and it's not making any sense.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_04: And the they're looking at and people start to talk, you know, on Twitter.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm thinking, I need to get out of this situation.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_04: Now it's very funny, we speak about stomachs.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_04: When you're on life on the road, you don't go you go to the toilet before you sing and afterwards.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_04: So I've never been one for making excuses to go to the toilet.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_04: So I had to say to them, I had to say, excuse me, I'm going to the toilet now.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_04: And the staff were there and they're they're at it.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_04: She never goes to the toilet when she's singing.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_04: So anyway, so I just had to leave.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_04: And I went into the office, and they're in the office, the the bosses, doing whatever.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_04: And I just walks in and I says, I need an ambulance.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_04: And they're still.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my goodness.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_04: They looked at and kind of went on working.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_04: Oh Judy, aren't you supposed to be?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_04: I am supposed to be singing.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_04: But as you can see, something's happening, and I need an ambulance.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:02
  unknown: Right.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, okay.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_04: So they were like, Yeah.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_04: And and get an ambulance.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_04: But I could see what was happening in the in the the tip.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_04: Where's the people?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_04: Where's what's going on?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_04: So there's a lot of layers there.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so they said get out and see and tell the people what's going on that Judith's uh not feeling very well, so she won't be coming back, so what blah blah blah.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_04: So that was their first priority.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_04: I was the second.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_04: Well gosh.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_04: So anyway, so I'm having all this now, and it's really, really coming, and the heart rate is pumping up, pumping, pumping.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: So it seemed like eternity till the ambulance came.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_04: And then when the ambulance come, that was it for me, August 31st, 2018.
• 42:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, my life went downhill.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_02: Phone call.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_02: Recording live.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_02: Do you need to take it?
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, take it record.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: So a little interlude with your phone call.
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: That phone call actually goes with what we're saying today about people.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: A very nice intimate gig at a bowling club in Weatherall, which is a very nice part of Carlisle.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I did a first gig for them last year.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: And it was amazing.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_04: It was absolutely amazing.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_04: And the reason I know it was amazing, not just because of me, I was on the ball and everything.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_04: They got up straight away to dance.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, did they?
• 43:34
  SPEAKER_04: And it just happened a lot that you know.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_04: And they were they were ready for it.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_04: And they danced until I finished.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_04: And she says, I persuaded them to have you back again.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_04: So I will up the game again.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I will.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_04: I will make the effort, hopefully, impress them once more.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm here with you telling you that because that's happened.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_04: Right now.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_04: These are things I can't expect.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's amazing.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: So we've got a job booking.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's fantastic news.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_02: And for Christmas.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: And for Christmas, yeah.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I have to come across now.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I have to get sighted out now.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: So you were in the ambulance.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_04: I was, and and it ended.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_04: My career ended, and uh my life went jungle.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_04: And you're talking to this girl here today who's got this personality, so to speak.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I am I I gave everything really because I like to see people happy.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_04: And it's always been a thing for me.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_04: And for it to go, for it to disappear.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_04: That's who you are.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_04: If you said to me now sing your song, I would sing to you.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_04: There would be no hesitation.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_04: And then for it to disappear.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_04: I couldn't speak.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_04: Never mind.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_04: Sing.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, Judy.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_04: I had my hair disappeared, my crowning glory.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_04: I had rashes all over my face.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_04: I dropped down to I'm about ten and a half stone now, maybe more.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I was a very disappearing eight-stone.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_04: And I could only wear two pairs of trousers.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_04: Nothing else fitted me.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_04: And the humiliation that came with that was uh pe you know, people you know, you felt it was I had to be I still went outside and walked, yeah, but people didn't recognise me and they turned round and went the other way.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's horrible.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and to anybody who is on the stage and experiences a total blank page could tell you that it's not exaggerated, it's it's as it is.
• 45:46
  SPEAKER_04: I took a turn for the worst, yeah, and it had been my first turn for the worst in my whole life.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's a scary thing, it is a scary thing.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_04: Because people have children, don't they?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they go through that.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I hadn't had that, yeah.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_04: So the only thing I think ever had to happen to me was I lost my voice, and that was for me was like, oh yeah, I mean, devastating.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_04: Can't sing, yeah, you know, but to go through this, it was it was because I didn't know what to do.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I didn't know how to tackle it.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_04: Something that you've never come across and nobody could tell me what to do in a world like this.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was bamboozling, it made me worse, you know, because at that particular time, which is only what, 2018, is it six years ago now?
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_04: Seven.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_04: Seven.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_04: So you're talking about seven years ago.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_04: How in seven years has menopause suddenly come up there?
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and seven years ago it was there.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_02: I know, yeah, it's a very short space of time really for things to happen.
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_04: And I think why it's because of people's stories like mine.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because since I told mine, a lot of other people have said how they nearly died.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_04: Can you imagine nearly dying through going through something like the menopause?
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: It just so it's basically it's beyond belief.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: Your symptoms were presenting in such a way that it wasn't obviously menopause, so you weren't checked for hormone levels or anything, and then you were put on medication for something else.
• 47:16
  SPEAKER_04: I was put on medication uh for my heart, right?
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right, and so before then I was on the I was on HRT.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay, you were on HR.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_04: I was on HRT.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_04: I'd been on it I'd been on HRT at 48.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, right.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_04: That's when I went on it because I felt a bit funny, yeah, and then everything sort of went right, but then it didn't because of the underlying condition I had.
• 47:40
  SPEAKER_04: So that's what it was, uh really, because the HRT should have sorted me out, but because I had this underlying condition, yeah, when that produced itself, that's what made the problems because people are thinking, well, you've got palpitations, and that's what can be menopausal symptoms, but it wasn't for me.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_04: Right, I think you know, my heart was telling them, excuse me, I shouldn't it shouldn't be racing like this.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_04: Do you know what I mean?
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_04: It shouldn't be going off the scale.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and if I was would have been a smoker, yeah, because they kept saying to me, Are you breathless?
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_04: And the one thing I wasn't was breathless, right?
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_04: I was just anxious, yeah, because they kept saying, Oh, are you sure you're not breathless?
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, No, I'm fine, I just I just can't be doing with this palpitation stuff, and they couldn't weigh it up, yeah, they couldn't weigh it up, yeah.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_04: And then you know, somebody said, Oh, well, she didn't smoke, so that maybe have something to do with it.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_04: It was kind of like people guessing, yeah, you know, well, should be maybe this and it maybe maybe that, and I'm struggling at that time.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_04: I lost my job.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh gosh, yeah, I did.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_04: I lost my job, I lost my personality, yeah, and I lost my way.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's so hard, isn't it?
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_04: And it is it is hard because I've been entertaining people, and the only thing my work people said to me was, When will you be back?
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: Oh gosh, when will you be back?
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, When will I be back?
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you know, and not oh well what is it?
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_04: And trying to explain to them that it was this, that, and the other, and they're at it, oh you should you know you should be alright with that, you know.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I said, but it's not just that, I said I can't, I can't focus, never mind.
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, entertain people, and at that time, right, seven years ago, yeah, I was the only one who was entertaining that I was doing three nights a week.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, um and it was brilliant, and I was doing all other jobs as well, yeah.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_04: And can you imagine people are phoning me up and saying, but you you never say no.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's so tough, and especially having to relive the trauma every time.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_04: Every time.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_04: And and because the NHS at that point in time went downhill as it is now, every time you wanted to speak to somebody, there was never the same person to speak to, so you had to go through it all.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_02: Oh god, all the time.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the whole thing.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it was so draining.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_04: And it was one person, and I've never seen her since, who put me on the first ladder to get him better.
• 50:05
  SPEAKER_04: I just I was at the doctor's all the time at this particular day when I went, this there was a lady doctor, she was an ex-cardiologist, yeah.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_04: And she looked at me and she went, and she looked at my record and she went, You mean to tell me that you're a singer and you've sung in front of hundreds of people, yeah, and here you are looking the way you do.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, right?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_04: And she said, They're just letting they're just plowing you with pills.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_04: She's and she put her hand on desk, she said, she says, Well, it's not good enough.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_04: She said, You're going to the A and E all the time I had them on speed dial.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_04: It's not who you are, she's just not where you're meant to be, and you can't carry on.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_04: This is how she said to me.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_04: So she said, I am going to write a letter.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_04: So she wrote a letter and she faxed it over, as the the words were then.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_04: She faxed it over, and this is only seven years ago, remember?
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_04: She said, I I want you tomorrow to ring, and that's when she put me on to Newcastle Hospital.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_04: Freeman's.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_04: She said, No more Carlisle for you.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_04: She says, I want you to go to Newcastle.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_04: But I had to ring these people and explain it all to them.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_04: And that's how it all started.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_04: Your your recovery started.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_04: Well, the not the recovery, the first foot on the ladder to get somewhere.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_04: Because it took it took two years for me to get back to where I could hold the microphone again.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, yeah.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_02: And good for you for making it happen to yourself.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_04: It was horrendous when I because it left me with shakes and things.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_04: Did it?
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and everybody thinks like you've got drinking problems.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: But it wasn't drinking problems, it was just nervous anxiety, which I'd never had as a performance.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_05: Confidence has gone.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, confidence has gone.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_04: When I was a child, when I used to sing, I couldn't sing to people.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: I used to go and sing in the kitchen behind the door and they'd all sit in the living room.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's the only way I could sing.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I went back to that person through my illness.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_04: Not being able to sing to people in front of me.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_04: So they said, Well, how are you going to get back to singing to people?
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_04: I said, I don't know.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_04: So they I was at a place called Gateway for Women, okay, who helped me.
• 52:15
  SPEAKER_04: Uh it's a women's place, uh-huh, which helps you to get back to where you should be, if you if you know what I mean.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_04: So they said, when I was getting better, they said, they were just us the staff, bring your stuff in and sing to us.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_04: And we're not watching you, we're just going to talk.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_04: Because I had to learn to wire my equipment up again.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_04: I had to learn to sing, and I was very shaky and everything.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_04: But about six songs in, and where it used to only take me two, six or seven songs in, yeah, slowly my confidence was coming back, and that's how I learned how to get back to it.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's amazing and so inspiring to be so brave to you know find your path back to who you are.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I can't tell you all about it because it's too much to it.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_04: But going against a brick wall was how what I was up against.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_04: And I kept trying to tell them that I have a life, you know, and I want to get back to my all I wanted was to get back to being the person I was.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so now you work with people with dementia.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 53:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: And do you sing to them?
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_04: Good.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_04: And how that's come, yeah, right.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_04: Thought about this, how that came about.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_04: When I sang to gigs and things like that, that was great.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_04: And then somebody said, Would you consider doing care homes?
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_04: And I'd never done care homes before.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_04: And they're in an afternoon.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_04: So I thought that's nice.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_04: In an afternoon, because I got to a certain stage whereas I did one that's drive home at night on my own.
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_04: So as I tell you about fate, it seems to come at the right time.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_02: The universe is watching.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: The universe is watching.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_04: So these jobs started to come in on an afternoon, and my gigs at night got less.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_04: And it was only places that I knew I could handle who kept phoning me up and saying, Yes, I'll come.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_04: Blah blah blah.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the real ones who stood by you and all that.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_04: And other little things went into the distance.
• 54:06
  SPEAKER_04: The care homes then came in.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: And I love the care homes because you used to go in an afternoon, two o'clock till four, sing, and they loved you.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_04: Even if you made a mistake or anything.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_04: They just loved you because you could sing.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_04: You know, weren't they?
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you can really sing.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and yes, I can sing.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_04: And played instruments and games with them, and they loved it.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely loved it.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_04: And it sounds like you loved it.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_04: I did love it because again, I was making people who probably didn't get a visitor or anything like that.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_04: And it it stemmed one stemmed to another.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_04: And I was doing a loop.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_04: So that helped my confidence back to be able to do in more bigger gigs.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, because the hotel who didn't leave me iron dry, if you like, but didn't understand.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't go back to them until September of 2020, I think it was.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_04: And I remember doing this gig in September because he said, We really want you back for Christmas.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the the return of Judy, you know what I mean?
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, because I had a following.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_04: When you do hotels, people come back to see you.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_03: Oh wow.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_04: They do, they're very loyal.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_04: You know, because coach trips come and they come back.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_04: You know, they phone up reception and they say, Is Judy going to be on?
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's amazing.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yes, she'll be on this week, right?
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_04: Then you know, we'll book.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_04: And as soon as they come in, I Judy.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_04: And they come back to see what I'd got to wear.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I had to change my clothes a lot because I thought, Did I wear that when you were here last time?
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_04: And they loved my outfits, they loved the way I was because I used to put all the different kinds of makeup on, you know, maybe um a green eye here and a bit of pink here, and I was that person with the funky stuff, you know.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they loved it, they loved it because I was different.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and um, so I went back to sing in the September and I ended up getting more friends and everything because I told them the truth why I'd been away.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and everybody was more like, My god, you know all the back.
• 56:03
  SPEAKER_04: So I got quite a lot of support from that.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_04: I started in the September, yeah, and then I got I got over that, got another couple of gigs, and then I was back at the Christmas.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_04: And then I remember just before COVID came in the March, the season started in February.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_04: So I remember doing this.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_04: He says, Right, I want you to do a night to get you into the season, and this night I did in February, it was amazing.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it was a big party of people, yeah, and it was brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and I went to see the the manager and I went, that was great, that.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_04: And he said, and he gave me a hug, he said, here's to the season coming.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it never came because of COVID.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_04: So I just got back to doing what I've always done, and then it stopped.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, but if I can tell you one thing about being self-employed, yeah, which I was then, when I was ill, I never I never got a penny off anyone, yeah, of course.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_04: And I mean, no one.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_04: And it was a good job that my husband could look after me because I I had nothing coming in, very scary.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_04: I asked people, you know, oh no, well, you know, that nothing wrong with you, you know, you got anxiety and all that kind of thing, and blah blah blah.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_04: And when COVID came, yeah, this is the universe, right?
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I got a fortune.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_04: Did you?
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'd worked self-employed, my books were in.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_04: Because me and I were really good about putting our books in.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because he's one of these that you have to do things by the book.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's always better.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_04: As long as you're putting something in with Mr.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_04: Taxman, yeah, they're happy.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_04: So, anyway, I've got this money, and it in it it kept coming.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I said, I don't believe it, I am well, yeah, and here's this money coming, yeah, you know, and it was amazing.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_04: Honestly, if I could tell you how amazing it was, yeah, it was really amazing.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_04: My second book is called The Gift of Human Kindness, and you gifted it to me.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_04: I did, thank you very much.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_04: And the thing about kindness is I found that out of becoming ill.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and kindness, if you are kind and you bring kindness, it comes back to you, yeah.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I found that, and that's why I think I'm the way I am and I was allowed to live.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because after thinking that my life didn't exist and I shouldn't be here, yeah.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_04: Something came, somebody told me not no your your purpose is to be here to help people, yeah.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_04: Going into people at the care of dementia, uh singing in the care homes, took me to people with dementia, which is what I do now, and I promote the gift of human kindness.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you, Judith.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_04: This has been a wonderful walk and talk and haven't fond.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, stunning.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_04: And if I could say to you now, yeah, that that gift of human kindness, just look at where we are.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_04: This is a kindness for trip I've ever seen one.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, absolutely.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_04: And thank you so much for sharing my story.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, thank you.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_04: And the gift of human kindness is available uh water stones and the new bookshop in Cockermouth.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay, amazing.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_04: Wonderful.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to set the top here?
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, so we're just coming to the bridge, aren't we?
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: We are.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_04: Because we're gonna go special now.
• 59:17
  SPEAKER_04: We are, I'm gonna take you into that now.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, I'm very excited for this, Judy.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_04: This is because of what happened.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_04: So I need to tell you, right?
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, because I'm getting to that point where this will come in great and and for lots of fortunes.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_04: The film that inspired me was The Sound of Music, yeah, Julie Andrews.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it's a beautiful film, and it's got a song in it called The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music, and in it there's a particular part where she's running down the hill and through the grass.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that was me.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_04: I went to the park when I got better, and there's flowers called snowdrops, they're the ones that come in spring, yeah, and I love spring.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_04: And I was watching a programme, and it said, if you see snowdrops, they are hope, they represent hope.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_04: And I'd seen them.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_04: So I hadn't watched much television when I was ill, but this particular day the universe has switched the teleon and it said, so I switched it off, got my coat on, yeah, went straight down to the park, yeah, and I put my hand on all these snowdrops.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_04: And it was a cold day, yeah, but I was sat there, yeah, and the sun comes straight down on me like a spotlight, and I looked up to it to tears that come, and I was with it, and then I'm I said, Thank you.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_04: And that was the universe there and then.
• 1:00:41
  SPEAKER_04: That's so nice.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_04: So this song, yeah, it's about having a dream, and it's from the sound of music.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_04: So I want to be able to sing that to her coming up to a prominent point now.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_04: So if you'll uh let me do that, of course, I've I'm honoured for my personal performance.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_04: Right, so we'll go to your cook.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: Are you ready?
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_04: This is a song that filled me with hope, and I really hope that you all enjoy it.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_01: A dream that will give all the love you can give every day of your life for as long as you live.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_01: Tell you find your dream a dream that can give all the love you can give every day of your love for.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I'm gonna give you a big hug.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_02: That was beautiful.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you for waiting there.
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, you might thank you.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_04: It's excellent.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_04: Don't forget this moment though, if you do.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, you see.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_04: I knew to do it here today, yeah.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, thank you.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_04: Stunning.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, I think I'm gonna cry.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_04: I know it's a beautiful song.
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_04: It's about climbing your mountains, forward every stream, follow every rainbow until you find your dream.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, and I was that girl.
• 1:03:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I always say I dared to dream.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and it's taken me a long time, but I think it might just be coming true.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, Judith, if you're listening, thank you so much for your courage, for your honesty, for climbing a mountain and then turning around to help others climb theirs.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I've done a lot of these walks, but there's something about Judith's story that just well, it just gets inside you, doesn't it?
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_02: The way she described the moment with the snow drops, the sun coming down like a spotlight, looking up through tears and just saying, thank you.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's the moment that changed everything for her.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_02: What she said before that moment, that she thought her life didn't exist, that she shouldn't be here.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_02: That was really difficult to hear.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_02: Those words were so raw and so honest.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_02: And if we're being honest, so many of us have have felt some version of that, haven't we?
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe not exactly those words, maybe that feeling and that darkness, that question of whether we matter.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_02: And then the universe changed the channel on her TV, and instead of shrugging it off, Judith listened.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: She grabbed her coat, she went to the park in the cold, she trusted that small nudge.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_02: And maybe that's the lesson here.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_02: Not that the universe will always send dramatic signs or however you choose to believe, but that sometimes hope speaks and whispers, in flowers, in random technical glitches, in the unexpected kindness of a stranger.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_02: And our job is simply to listen and notice, to say yes to the invitation.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_02: I keep thinking about what Judith does now, bringing joy to people however she can, that no one should be left alone to cope is just so magical.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I wonder how many of us are coping alone right now.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_02: How many of us convinced ourselves that asking for help is weakness, that our struggles aren't bad enough to deserve support.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: Judith's journey shows us something powerful.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_02: The people who've been through the darkness often become the best guides to others.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_02: She's not helping people despite her own mental health struggles.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_02: Helping them because of those mental health struggles.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_02: Because she knows what it's like to feel lost, to feel like your life doesn't matter.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the gift she's discovered.
• 1:06:13
  SPEAKER_02: Kindness received becomes kindness given.
• 1:06:17
  SPEAKER_02: Pain transformed becomes purpose.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_02: So here's what I would like to leave you with today.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_02: Three questions to really sit with.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe write them down, maybe journal them, or maybe just let them marinate in your mind as you get on with your day.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_02: Question one.
• 1:06:39
  SPEAKER_02: What's your tiny thing that gave you hope when you desperately needed it?
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_02: It might not be a flower, it might be a sun, it might be a person, a moment when the light hit just right.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_02: And here's the important part.
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_02: Have you thanked it lately?
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_02: Have you acknowledged that small miracle that kept you here or kept you going?
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_02: Question two.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_02: Who showed you kindness when you were drowning?
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe you don't even remember their name.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it was just someone who smiled at you on a really bad day.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_02: Or a friend who sat with you in silence?
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_02: Or a stranger who said exactly what you needed to hear?
• 1:07:22
  SPEAKER_02: And more importantly, who can you show that same kind of kindness to today?
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Who in your life needs to see snow drops right now?
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_02: And question three: what would you just say to the part of you that sometimes believe you don't deserve to be here?
• 1:07:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because she's stood where you're standing, she's felt what you're feeling, and she's come out the other side literally singing.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_02: But you know that is her job as well.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_02: So we don't all have to know how to sing.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_02: What would she whisper to that hurting part of you?
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_02: Our lives do have purpose even when we can't yet see it, and sometimes hope is just waiting for you to grab your coat, walk to the park, and say thank you.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_02: Your snowdrop moment is coming.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's already here, maybe it's just waiting for you to notice it.
• 1:08:22
  SPEAKER_02: If this conversation moved you, and I suspect perhaps it did, please take 30 seconds right now to leave us a review.
• 1:08:31
  SPEAKER_02: Don't just rate us, tell us your story, tell us about your snowdrop moment, about the kindness that saved you, about what Judith's words meant to you.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because those reviews are not just for us.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_02: Someone might be scrolling and wondering if this episode is worth their time, not knowing it might be their snowdrop moment.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_02: Your words might be exactly what someone needs to hear today.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_02: And please do share this episode, post it in your stories with a note about what it meant to you, send it to that friend who's struggling, the one who keeps saying they're fine, but you can see that they're not.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_02: Reach out to someone you've not heard from for a while just to say hi.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_02: Judith's story is too important to keep to ourselves.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_02: It belongs to anyone who's ever felt like they don't belong.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're struggling right now, please reach out.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_02: In the UK, you can call the Samaritans at 116-123.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_02: They're a 24-hour seven-day a week service, and remember you don't have to be suicidal to call.
• 1:09:45
  SPEAKER_02: In the USA, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_02: These are people who care, who've been trained to listen and who want to help.
• 1:09:58
  SPEAKER_02: You are not alone.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_02: Next time we're changing earsbit and walking somewhere completely different.
• 1:10:07
  SPEAKER_02: Very much uphill, in fact.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_02: With someone whose story will captivate you in entirely new ways, but with the same foundations, we're all walking each other home.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_02: Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it.
• 1:10:23
  SPEAKER_02: And when you see those snow drops in spring, remember Judith.
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that lass from Lancashire who thought she shouldn't exist is now bringing joy to people, writing books, singing her heart out by the ponds, well maybe that one time, but mostly on stages.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_02: Hope is everywhere.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's just waiting for us to notice.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Sakania.
• 1:10:51
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for walking with us today.
• 1:10:53
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, keep walking, keep noticing, keep saying thank you, and keep singing.
• 1:12:23
  SPEAKER_00: Full and empty, keeping it steady.
• 1:12:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wondering when are we gonna be there already?
• 1:12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thinking and waiting and pacing lately.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm acting out and memories easy.
• 1:12:44
  SPEAKER_00: The world of uncaring made me think I really miss a being.