Latest / Bird on a Branch / Ep. 08 | Your People-Pleasing Isn't Kindness; It's a Wound
Transcript
- Carrie: you guys, happy Thursday. As ⁓ I wanted to get ⁓ message, a channeled ⁓ to you I think will really help. This is this just I'm gonna cut straight to it. ⁓ First of all, the end of the day. I'm I've worked out, I've gone grocery shopping, I've worked. ⁓ I'm I'm sweaty and just my hair's not been washed. I'm just I just wanted to get this to you because wow is it coming in my face. We are in Mercury retrograde, if you follow that. If you're new here, I am spiritual, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I believe in astrology, I believe in spirit guides, I believe in angels. of this is true at the same time. ⁓ I came here to talk to you about ⁓ ⁓ pleasing. People pleasing, where it comes from, why we do it, despite our best efforts, even if you are not on a journey of healing people pleasing and appeasing, I want you to hear me because this will apply to you, I guarantee you. ⁓ yourself back to your childhood and that, ⁓ or you didn't know, children innately ⁓ want please their parents. ⁓ They want to be validated, seen, heard, accepted, and validated, disability, and loved unconditionally, without conditions, their parents, both parents. 99% the time there is always one parent, ⁓ if both, that ⁓ is carrying wounds of their own that keeps them from being able to meet the emotional, physical, or energetic, spiritual needs of the child. not gonna go too much into sorry if you can hear my toddler, he's having a tantrum, real life. I'm not gonna go too much into father-mother wounds in this video. I am gonna go into this that deeper, but I want you to understand that children ⁓ ⁓ to pick up ⁓ in our environment via expression, ⁓ energy. states of being. So like let's say your dad is known for having a temper and maybe he drinks. Trigger warning. And he comes home and at a very young age you are wise enough because children are fresh from the source, they are very intuitive by design. the world has jaded them or told them not to be intuitive or not to trust their intuition. ⁓ The child starts to scan the room, see what the mood is of the father. I'm just using that as an example. his clothes disheveled? Is his hair messy? Does he look like safe? ⁓ Does look like he's not safe? ⁓ AK, not a good mood, ⁓ have drinking. They start to scan for cu environmental cues for safety. ⁓ Take ⁓ and apply to your situation, whether it's a mother, father, caretaker. ⁓ We all learned at a very young age that we needed to scan the room and the people that we trusted the most ⁓ because these are our caretakers ⁓ in the deepest parts of our soul we look to them to protect us, to keep us safe, and communicate their love to us in ways we desire. ⁓ The problem the gap starts form when the parents can't always meet. ⁓ that desired way of feeling loved. ⁓ wound starts to be formed. But I see all the time in my clients, ⁓ I it in myself, and I'll personally. I was one of three four siblings and I've said was was the black sheep, I was the troublemaker, ⁓ I was ⁓ the that was more disruptive ⁓ And so I learned early on via cues my own father who ⁓ love very much but back that time was struggling with of a temper and he worked a and that kind of thing and I learned early on that I was problematic and that my siblings were not and that I was the more problematic one. So the programming starts to starts to kick in of like am only loved if, ⁓ For it became I am only loved when I'm sick, ⁓ because only time that I felt safe ⁓ loved not ⁓ in trouble. And this is this is like summarizing a a very long story, but was when I was sick home from school sick. So I I started to develop illness because belief was so steeped in my ⁓ soul that learned that ⁓ being was I was more more I would ⁓ I would feel love more for my parents if I was homesick than if I wasn't, and I was in my regular life messing it up, disrupting the family, So ⁓ I'm going with the appeasing is we to take cues from our caretakers and our environment ⁓ as how can we safely ex ⁓ be ⁓ and care of and accepted and validated and seen and heard. ⁓ And we start to adjust how we show up. ⁓ in our families and to our parents or to our caretakers on what we feel ⁓ ⁓ love. So if parent was someone who gave you the ten out treatment or stolenwald you made a mistake or it was a perfectionist and expected you to be locked in and you know ⁓ top of your and ⁓ Or like of the, ⁓ know, sport you played or whatever, ⁓ you didn't meet those ⁓ ⁓ felt disappointed. ⁓ worst thing a child can feel ⁓ that they disappointed their parents. So start to change who we are. ⁓ to appease and please our parents. this is a very summarized version, ⁓ I'm telling you ⁓ my case ⁓ eventually a father wound developed because of of of dynamics between my father and I, who again I love so much, but and I'm continuously to work working on that wound myself, but I it's in my face with these ⁓ astrological transits that are happening because it's really encouraging us to look at childhood patterns bringing ⁓ old ⁓ to healed. And so I want to offer you this. If you're finding yourself bending, yourself, ⁓ yourself, going your boundaries, not setting boundaries ⁓ with like your parents ⁓ or siblings ⁓ or ⁓ because are afraid that they will leave you, ⁓ not you, not want to be friends with you anymore, ⁓ not you around, judge you, whatever it that is a ⁓ Abandonment wound, a form of a rejection wound, because ultimately back as your child you feel rejected for who you are if your parents don't really fully accept you for who you are and you have to change who you are. ⁓ you guys, it's so real, it's so heavy. So I brought to like there was a situation with my my family ⁓ I have had to set major boundaries with certain dynamics in my family, and they no like it. They don't like it. they take it personally. ⁓ ⁓ dare I? I admit sometimes my delivery is off, ⁓ but a fire sign. but culturally ⁓ not really received, ⁓ and I still myself ⁓ Reverting back to 14-year-old Carrie who was like, How can I be loved? Despite the fact that I'm constantly in trouble, despite the fact that I am being hurt by my sibling, which I mentioned in a previous video, despite all these like really hard things happening around me and no one's really listening to me and no one's really believing me, I To find ways to appease my parents and to become ⁓ never I I really never did. I still haven't. ⁓ I want you to see ⁓ I'm I'm I'm coming on to share that even the version of me that's still ⁓ done all this healing work and Is so hyper-aware of mother-father wounds and how they manifest and how they bleed into our relationships today and even over to our kids. still comes out. The inner child in you is so alive and still wants that love validation, ⁓ love, ⁓ the you know, seeing hurt, all that stuff. And you have awareness to it, you can catch it, but I'm just giving you an example. I I like like I said, I found myself upset ⁓ I pushed back on a situation ⁓ I knew it was going to upset ⁓ family. ⁓ And I just I started just like spiraling like the it was like I was 14 again. ⁓ my god, the whole family's gonna be mad at me. I'm disrupting the whole family. Be all because I was just standing my ground. So I just wanted to share that with you because people pleasing, appeasing, bending your boundaries, all of that a childhood wound coming to the surface for you to be ⁓ at it again. If it's coming up ⁓ if it's a theme in your life. Or some version of that. My story doesn't have to mirror your story, but it it it should ri remind you of something. Let it remind you of something because it's there. this is a reminder that ⁓ that happens, ⁓ does not mean you're doing something wrong. ⁓ If that happens and you're trying to set a boundary, you're trying to stand your ground or and then you feel that come up, it's not mean you're doing something wrong. It just means that wound is still there and you need to look at it. And of the way you can start to heal it again, if you have to go back and start to heal it or if you've never started to heal it, ⁓ to start keeping promises to yourself every day. Small promises to yourself. Keep that promise ⁓ matter what. ⁓ Angel. is the very step one of starting to heal your inner child, ⁓ ⁓ acutely about people pleasing, ⁓ aware ⁓ when you are changing you are for your caretakers, siblings to play the ⁓ you know that ⁓ prefer or to pease ⁓ And s and then once you have awareness to it, that is the always the first step to change. Become aware, can stop, take a breath, are more than enough ⁓ you are. Do not need to play a role in this family or in this circle or whatever the situation is, you can be safely who you are, especially as an adult, and start to really take your little girl or little boy inner child with you and let them know that it's safe to be who you are. And would say ⁓ might be further along on your healing journey, but would say step one is awareness, ⁓ two is pause and early frame. You do not need to change who you are in that moment to appease anyone. might get pushback, but you're going to be safe and strong enough to handle the situation. ⁓ it is not worth ⁓ yourself. ⁓ To appease them so they don't abandon you. If they're going to abandon you or reject you because you're taking care of yourself and standing your ground and setting a boundary, ⁓ them problem, ⁓ a you problem. So hope helps. It's a quick, ⁓ quick little Wanted to share that. ⁓ And God you