Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Three Powerful Self-Discovery Questions to Reconnect With Yourself: Find Clarity, Purpose & Inner Peace with Melissa Crook

Transcript

Three Powerful Self-Discovery Questions to Reconnect With Yourself: Find Clarity, Purpose & Inner Peace with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

0:12
Hello, Melissa Crick here on the Field podcast today.
0:15
Welcome back. Today we are going to be talking
0:19
about, we're taking that step. Last week we talked about our
0:24
layers and embracing our layers. And I wanna remind you that as
0:29
you listen to these episodes each Tuesday, that when I do
0:34
these individual ones, I'm giving you an inside look a
0:38
snippets and steps. And if you find that you're
0:41
needing more help and guidance, just know that I've got
0:44
resources for that. I talk about that each week.
0:46
But just as just a reminder that if you find you're trying to put
0:49
these things into play on your own and you're having some
0:52
trouble, you're getting tripped up, let's talk.
0:54
Go to thatcontactform@embracinglayers.com.
0:57
Let's see how I can support you. But we're going to move into
1:01
what I really consider that next step after you have really
1:08
created some practices and consistencies that allow you to
1:14
embrace your layers. Remember, you're staying
1:16
curious, you're allowing yourself to feel your emotions
1:20
and you're, you're giving yourself space and room with
1:25
curiosity rather than judgement and and go back and listen to
1:31
that. If you need a refresher, it's
1:32
it's under 10 minutes long. If you want to, you know, have
1:36
really have a pick up where we left off.
1:38
If you're remembering it, great. And sometimes this step we're
1:40
going to talk about today. Sometimes this is the just the
1:43
one people need to get them back on track.
1:46
Sometimes this simple step is like, Oh yeah, that's who I am.
1:52
That's what fills my cup. That's how I want to feel.
1:55
I just needed something to remind me to get myself back on
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track. So today we're going to talk
2:01
about who am I, how do I want to feel and what nourishes me?
2:07
And this really starts with, and if you go to our show notes for
2:11
every podcast, you'll find this PDF in there that asks yourself
2:16
some key questions and it's going to be in the show notes
2:19
again. But it's always easy to find.
2:21
This is something that I always pass out when I speak in person
2:27
and engagements. It's something that I share very
2:30
widely when I'm a guest on other people's podcasts because it is
2:34
that really kind of a simple place to start, to really start
2:40
thinking about you in terms of you and who you are versus you
2:46
based on all the things you do or you, based on what other
2:50
people have told you you are or how they view you.
2:53
This allows you to really come home to you.
2:57
And it's OK if when you ask yourself these questions, the
3:03
first initial response is, gosh, I don't really know.
3:06
I haven't thought about that in a long time or no one's ever
3:09
asked me that. That's OK.
3:13
There's this is not a, a, a Sprint.
3:16
It is a lifelong journey. It's a marathon type approach.
3:20
And so it's, it the first important step is to starting
3:23
asking yourself. And then take that time, you
3:27
know, take some time each day, whether it's with your
3:29
journaling practice or when you're on a walk or meditating
3:32
or doing a workout or just having some quiet time to think
3:36
about, huh, what feels refreshing to me today or what
3:42
character traits came up in me today that were really from me
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when I showed up in that situation, when I responded to
3:50
that scenario. Those are it.
3:52
It's really there to get you to start thinking.
3:54
So don't concern yourself too much if you don't have answers
3:59
right away. This is not about being right or
4:01
wrong. It's about getting to know you
4:04
and taking the time you need to do that.
4:05
And like I've said before, I can support you in that with our
4:08
additional resources. If you need that, I'm right here
4:10
if you need me. But but give yourself grace and
4:13
be patient with yourself and, and really think of it as a
4:17
contemplative activity to get you start thinking.
4:19
And over time, you'll find as you make it a more consistent
4:23
practice, that you'd the answers come to you more easily because
4:27
you've have been considerate, you have been more present with
4:31
it, you have been paying attention and thinking about it
4:34
more intentionally. So let's start with at the
4:41
beginning. Where do we start?
4:42
So I, you know this if you've listened to me for a while, but
4:46
when I have guests on here, I always introduced our guests by
4:49
their character traits. Because I think one of the
4:52
biggest identity issues we run into is that we, we ground our
4:58
identity in places that are fleeting.
5:01
And they're not based on who we are, they're based on what we do
5:05
and titles and roles that those things change over time.
5:11
And even if they're wonderful things, do they change over
5:14
time? You know, I'm always going to be
5:16
a mom, but my kids have not lived at home with me for a
5:18
while now. So my, that role has shifted a
5:21
lot and has changed a lot. So that's an example of, you
5:25
know, so even if you that role or title remains, it will still
5:29
shift over time and not be the same.
5:31
And so that's why being grounded in who we are is so important.
5:36
So when you have those shifts, whether you see them coming or
5:39
they surprise you, you're already grounded and know who
5:43
you are and, and, and even, and that will also evolve and, and
5:49
change over time. But if you continue to ask
5:51
yourself that question and continue to identify those ways
5:56
that you show up, those ways that you are created to be,
6:00
those ways that you become when you learn something new, then
6:03
you'll always have that as your foundation.
6:05
So I start this with our people when I work with them too, not
6:10
just on the podcast when I'm having conversations, but when
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I'm working with people in speaking, when I'm working with
6:16
people in workshops. I talk about it on the online
6:20
course when I'm working with people one-on-one.
6:23
This is a very key important question because in order to to
6:29
prioritize yourself, you need to know who you are and what it is
6:33
that feels honoring to you and resource filling to you.
6:36
So character traits are think of them as adjectives because
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people are thrown on character traits like who you are, how
6:44
would you describe yourself? So for example, I describe
6:49
myself smart, passionate, outgoing, impatient, curious.
6:56
Those are some character traits that I would use to describe
7:00
myself. And so that you notice they're
7:03
not things that I do. They are, they are things that I
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am. It's who you are.
7:08
So, so hopefully that kind of triggers the notion in your head
7:14
of like, oh, that's what she means.
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So I, I find it helpful to helpful to give examples.
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And a lot of times that will get it going.
7:22
And I want you to remember, I don't want you asking other
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people who they, how they would describe you.
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I want this to come from you. Now, if you come up with a list
7:34
and you want to share it with others later and get their
7:36
feedback, then that's fine. But I don't want you going
7:39
because sometimes when I ask this, some people, Oh well, let
7:42
me talk to my my daughters or my sister or my coworkers or my
7:46
best friend or my partner or my husband or my wife.
7:49
No, no, no. I want you to ask yourself who
7:54
you are to be able to answer that for you.
7:57
Because we also many times live in a world as women where we,
8:03
because of what we've been told about showing up for everybody
8:06
else and prioritizing everybody else, we sometimes will allow
8:10
others to describe us and decide who we are.
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And if we're feeling a little angsty, that's letting you know
8:16
that, that maybe it's time to look inward and, and maybe
8:20
determine are those ways they describe me or this actually
8:22
true? Or are those just the ways I've
8:25
showed up for them and what I've allowed.
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So really get curious about this.
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And as you're asking yourself this question, because it's very
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important to know and also accept when things shift and, or
8:37
another one gets added. And because also I think it's
8:39
important to remember about character traits, different ones
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will show up in different scenarios and different ways and
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different seasons and different situations and different
8:50
relationships. So being open to the expansion
8:53
of those and, and knowing that these aren't things that you are
8:56
100% of the time. Maybe it's only 5% of the time,
8:59
but it's a part of who you are. So character traits, who you
9:03
are, not what you do. And then the next question to
9:07
ask. And there's no hurry on this,
9:09
like if you need to take a month or to really figure out who you
9:13
are, sit with that for a while. But once you've you've
9:16
identified some things and added some things, then start thinking
9:20
about, OK, so I've identified who I am.
9:24
I'm comfortable or feel good or that feels I'm comfortable
9:27
saying I'm in the right word. That feels aligned with me.
9:30
Like I feel really settled content with that.
9:33
What are 5 activities that nourish me?
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What fuels my cup? What are some things that I can
9:39
do daily to make sure making time for that, whether it's 5
9:44
minutes, 15 minutes, thirty minutes, an hour, there are some
9:47
of these things that you aren't always going to do every day.
9:50
For instance, So my 5 activities that nourish me are timed by the
9:54
ocean, the lake, or my swimming pool.
9:57
Now I have a swimming pool, I can sit out there daily.
10:00
It's not always warm enough to sit out there daily, so that
10:02
might not be nourishing all the time.
10:04
But I don't live by a lake or the ocean, you know, a mountain
10:08
lake or the ocean. But I know from time to time
10:10
that I want to to get there that those things spill my soul.
10:13
So maybe I'm intentional every few months, getting some time by
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those places that aren't right in my backyard daily movement.
10:22
This is a non negotiable for me. I whether it's a restful stretch
10:27
and yoga, Pilates, lifting weights, moving my body in a
10:34
really fast moving hit workout or sit workout, or you know,
10:41
some kind of really intense cardio, every day is a little, I
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don't do all of those every day, but each day I do something to
10:49
move my body to kind of move out any tension.
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It's also very meditative for me.
10:55
Sometimes some of my best ideas will come when I'm in a workout
10:59
and my mind is settled and I'm just really honed in and I
11:02
cleared out all of the other stuff and made room and space
11:06
for other ideas to come to surface.
11:09
It's very often for me to be on a long walk and have something
11:13
come up. Travel is another activity that
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nourishes me. I don't travel all the day, all
11:19
the time, every day. So this is this is another
11:21
example of one that might not, it's not going to be in my
11:24
itinerary every day, but you know, it's something important.
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I really try to be intentional once or twice a year.
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And we travel quite a bit, a very, you know, fortunate and
11:32
also just kind of the nature of our lives and our jobs and where
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our kids live and families all over.
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So there is travel that travel, making sure that travel is also
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travel that is fun travel that we enjoy and not always for a
11:46
specific reason or job or event. So I'm intentional about that.
11:52
Going to the movies. Now this is a #1 for my husband
11:55
and it's become one for me more over time where it's just, and I
12:00
especially love doing it with him because it is such a, it's
12:03
such a great therapeutic thing for him.
12:06
So going to the movies, listening to music and singing
12:09
along. If you are driving alongside me
12:12
going down the road, it's very likely you're going to see me
12:15
jamming to some kind of song unapologetically in my car.
12:20
I'm getting ready to go to the Brandi Carlisle concert tomorrow
12:23
night. So I've got my beat, my pill
12:27
beats pill speaker out. I am jamming to the set list, so
12:32
I'm ready to go, ready to sing. But I'm AI love music.
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I can think of all the different seasons of my life and have
12:40
different songs that come up for me.
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So that's something. And the thing about music is
12:45
when you talk about, oh gosh, I don't have any time.
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Well, when you're driving to and from work or you've dropped the
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kids off at school or you're driving to and from, you're
12:54
taking care of your parents or any of those scenarios, run into
12:59
the store or run some errands, you can be jamming to your music
13:03
and really get refreshed that way.
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So these are things that they're, they're all types of
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things that require different amounts of time and commitment,
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but they're all activities that nourish.
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I mean, I know paying attention to that and making sure that at
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least one or two of these is something that's part of my
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daily regimen. It's in my schedule, non
13:26
negotiable, doesn't get moved that I'm using to take care of
13:30
myself. So those and it might be a 10
13:33
minute quiet time sitting outside in my car when I'm
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driving to a meeting, or it might be at the end of the day
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or in the middle of the day on my lunch break when I've got a
13:44
break in between meetings and recordings.
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But I know every day that I'm going to get that in.
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For me, it's not as important. I used to set a time like at
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this time I'm going to do it. I don't need, I'm so committed
13:57
to moving my body every day. I know I won't let the day go by
14:01
without moving my body. It's that important to me.
14:04
It's that therapeutic for me. So you really have to kind of
14:08
determine when you're trying to set this as a new habit.
14:11
Sometimes it's too good to like, OK, tomorrow morning, 5:30 AM
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every morning that's in my calendar or after work, I go
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directly there. Or on my lunch break, I do this.
14:22
Or on my way to work, I'm listening to this music.
14:24
I'm having this quiet time. When I get home, I'm sitting in
14:27
the garage for 15 minutes and just letting everything settle
14:31
before I go in and deal with the evening, Whatever it is.
14:34
And if you feel like you need to have it in that calendar or have
14:37
it in your phone as an alarm to remind you, do that and do
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whatever it is you need to do. Have an accountability partner.
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There's a lot of different ways, but but make sure you make that
14:47
time for those activities that nourish you and make and
14:51
tracking this from time to time because this is one of those
14:53
things that may change in different seasons.
14:56
I, I moved my body differently than I did 5, 10-15 years ago.
15:02
My music taste has changed. So my, my, you know, and has
15:05
evolved or grown. So my lists that really get me
15:08
going are different and changed. I move, I've moved around the
15:12
country a lot. So my proximity to nature and
15:15
the types of nature that I'm close to is different depending
15:18
on where I live. So be paying attention to those
15:20
things as they evolve and grow, But but having those activities
15:24
that nourish you that you can fall back on and it may
15:26
determine, like each day you may listen to your body and be like,
15:30
you know, I know I supposed to go on that five mile walk today,
15:32
but I think a yoga stretch is going to serve me better based
15:35
on how I'm feeling. Or I didn't sleep very well or I
15:38
had a really stiff, tight, you know, really rigorous workout
15:41
and I really need to stretch myself out.
15:43
So being willing to be flexible within that.
15:45
But finding those things and knowing every day you've got
15:48
some non negotiables that it's time for you to refill EU cup
15:52
and, and and refill those resources so you can show up
15:56
fully present, fully resourced tapping from an over overflow,
16:00
not from an empty cup. Let me get that spin up.
16:05
And then the last question I want you to ask yourself is 5
16:09
words on how you want to feel the next six months.
16:12
So based on what you've learned about yourself and who you are
16:16
and the activities that nourish you and in looking at your
16:20
calendar to make sure you're, those things are a priority,
16:25
that you're fitting those in and that your, your calendar really
16:27
is aligning with, with who you are and you're, and you're
16:32
learning. And we'll talk about this in
16:34
other, in other episodes about, you know, the, the power of a no
16:39
when you're making space in your calendar.
16:41
But today I really want you to just focus in on these three
16:43
questions. So 5 words on how you want to
16:46
feel the next six months. And so writing those down for so
16:51
for me, for example, energized, open, safe, welcome, seen.
16:59
So I've identified, OK, how am I contributing to that?
17:04
Am I engaged in spaces and places and with people that are
17:08
going to be welcoming places for this to come to be?
17:12
Or do I need to make some shifts there?
17:14
But it's, you know, it's not as simple as just, oh, this is how
17:17
I want to feel. OK, but how are you
17:18
participating in that? How, what are you doing to
17:22
enable that and bring that to be?
17:26
And that is, you know, and so looking at those, OK, energized,
17:29
What do I need to feel energized?
17:31
Well, I need to make sure I'm getting enough sleep.
17:32
I need to make sure I'm finding ways that move my body.
17:36
Not everybody loves exercise. So it might just be getting out
17:40
in nature. It might be dance, it might be
17:46
there's a lot of swimming. I mean, there's a lot of
17:48
different ways we can remove our body.
17:51
Even if you don't consider yourself someone who likes
17:53
exercise or athletic, there's you having a dance party with
17:57
yourself. That's great exercise.
17:59
So if you love music, you love dance, you love theater, I mean,
18:02
whatever those things are, but thinking, OK, how can I
18:05
contribute to what's going to make me feel energized?
18:08
I'm going to feel open. How what can I do to contribute
18:11
to that? What's getting in my way of
18:13
feeling open? Are there some things that are
18:16
that I need to unpack with that that I need to relearn and
18:21
unlearn? Have I had some past experiences
18:24
that have made me not feel feel safe enough to be open and then
18:28
safe? I want to feel safe, okay?
18:30
How am I feeling safe right now if I'm not?
18:33
What's inhibiting that? Getting really curious.
18:35
I want to feel welcome, okay? Again, Am I not feeling welcome
18:41
anywhere? If not, why?
18:42
Am I in the right spaces? Am I just in my circle of
18:45
people? Are they people who are for me?
18:49
And am I being, you know, a cognitive that aware of that and
18:54
then feeling seen? Well, to feel seen, part of
18:56
feeling seen as being willing to speak up and be heard, to want
19:02
to be seen. And then just sit there and be
19:04
quiet and not and kind of try to blend in a room.
19:09
You're not really contributing to you being seen.
19:12
And if you are contributing, again, it goes back to what
19:15
spaces are you going into? Are you in spaces that are in
19:19
alignment with you, that are in support of you are?
19:22
Are there some things that you need to unpack and unlearn about
19:26
being seen? Are your words, are you talking
19:29
in I statements when you talk about the things that you want
19:31
for yourself? Or are you expecting everyone
19:34
else to change? When realizing we're not
19:38
responsible for others, we're responsible for ourselves.
19:41
And part of that responsibility is surrounding ourselves with
19:46
people that are healthy, but also it starts with us doing the
19:49
work to making sure we're healthy and showing up in a
19:52
healthy way for others. So really being intentional as
19:55
you look at these words about how you can contribute to it to
19:59
make this possible, to make this come to be.
20:02
So within that, I want you to really see going back to these
20:09
three questions and see how they connect.
20:13
See what they connect to. You're identifying who you are.
20:16
You're identifying ways that fill your cup.
20:20
You're identifying how you want to feel.
20:22
This is really giving you a foundation of who you are, and
20:26
it's going to give you insights to other areas like what you
20:30
value, what your values are, what kind of spaces light you
20:35
up, where you might need to communicate some healthy
20:39
boundaries and expectations because of these values that
20:44
have come up because of you realizing who you are.
20:47
And then, oh gosh, this is how I see myself.
20:51
This is who I am, but yet I'm showing up in these spaces that
20:54
don't really align with that. And maybe I need to make some
20:57
decisions here. So just making those connections
21:01
and seeing it's all about that information too that you can get
21:05
from it to help you make informed decisions moving
21:08
forward. So from here, and like I said,
21:11
this is all information. This is going to give you really
21:14
great information in the coming weeks as we dive into these
21:17
different topics of OK, prioritizing self-care.
21:20
I, I know what nourishes me now confidently setting boundaries.
21:24
Oh, I've, I've become aware based on these three questions
21:28
I've asked where I might need to set some healthy boundaries.
21:32
I might, you know, taking care of our emotional health, mental
21:36
health, spiritual health, physical health.
21:38
I'm seeing that when I show up in spaces that are out of
21:41
alignment, it really impacts these different parts of my
21:44
mental, emotional health. And that can really show
21:46
physically as a headache or a stomach ache when I'm walking
21:49
into a space or place that I really don't want to be in.
21:52
I'm there out of obligation, not because I really want to be
21:55
there. And I feel alignment with it.
21:57
You know, this is a really strong action in supporting
22:00
ourselves when we support ourselves with knowing who we
22:04
are and grinding ourselves in that.
22:06
Knowing what nourishes us and making that a regular part of
22:10
our daily lives and knowing how we want to feel over time and
22:15
doing, knowing and knowing what we need to do to contribute to
22:18
that. We're then much more open to
22:21
others and, and seeing how we can show up for them healthy.
22:27
And also in being curious about them rather than judgmental,
22:32
because we've taken the time to be curious about ourselves
22:35
really opens up that world for us and how and, and how we do
22:40
this and what makes us feel supported.
22:42
So and inviting other people to think about what makes them feel
22:46
supported. It just, but it always it starts
22:48
with us. For us to operate healthy in the
22:51
world, we must start operating healthy within ourselves.
22:55
And that, I think, really starts with, you know, embracing those
22:59
layers that we talked about last week and answering these key
23:02
questions really lays the foundation for the rest of this.
23:06
So I hope that you found this, you know, helpful and insightful
23:11
today. I hope that it gave you that
23:14
kind of gateway into who you are that maybe you haven't thought
23:18
about for a while or that you need to revisit or that you've
23:21
never thought about. And the power that has and the
23:24
information it gives you. I want to remind you to go
23:28
through these activities, stay curious rather than judgmental.
23:32
Be very patient with yourself, very compassionate with
23:36
yourself. And like I said, if you need any
23:39
additional support and you know, I'm here, go to the contact form
23:43
on a bracinglayers.com and let's talk.
23:46
But I, I'm hopeful that this will give you a great start.
23:48
It's also a great icebreaker with other people to ask them
23:51
these three questions rather than going into these different
23:55
events we have for work or social or whatever and asking,
23:59
oh, when you're meeting somebody, oh, what do you do?
24:01
What fills you up? What fills your cup?
24:03
What activities do you engage in that are really nourishing for
24:07
you? What, what techniques you light
24:09
up in the morning when you get up?
24:10
What are you passionate about really kind of maybe shifting.
24:13
It's an interesting different way to get to know people and
24:16
really get to know who they are, not just through who they are,
24:20
not just what they do. So I hope you found this
24:22
informative and helpful and supportive.
24:25
Remember, you are valuable, you are worthy, and you get to
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choose. Take care and I'll see you next
24:32
time here on the Field podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
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being with us today on this episode of the Feel podcast.
24:41
If you would like more information on how you can apply
24:45
these talking points that I share with our guests in each
24:48
episode to your own life, really utilize this Feel framework, go
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to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form, and let's set
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up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
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living your most authentic, organic, healthy, feel fueled
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life. Thanks again for being with us
25:12
today. We'll be back to you soon with
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another episode here on the Feel Podcast.