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The #1 Skill That Will Change Your Life · Honoring My Temple

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Honoring My Temple podcast.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to put God at the center of your life and live that out practically through your health, habits, and everyday choices, this podcast is for you.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Kelly Wenner, founder of Soul Strength Fit and author of Honoring My Temple.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Here we explore biblical wisdom and how to apply it to real life, your mindset, food, exercise, and the habits that shape who you're becoming.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Honoring My Temple.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: Today I want to talk about what I think may be one of the most important skills that you can learn if you want to change your life, shape your character, and actually reach the goals you've set for yourself.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this learn to act the way you want to feel.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a simple idea, but it has enormous implications because most of us tend to live the other way around.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: We wait until we feel like doing something before we do it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'll exercise if I feel motivated.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'll eat better if I'm not craving junk food.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be patient if I'm not irritated.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'll get up earlier if I'm not tired.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: But real change begins when we learn that our feelings don't have to determine our actions.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We can decide how we want to live, the kind of person we want to become, and then learn to act in accordance with that vision.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Even when our feelings haven't caught up yet, that's the turning point.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we find a beautiful foundation for this in Philippians 2.13.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I love those two words, will and act.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: When we seek God first, when we ask for his wisdom, his strength, and his will in any situation in our lives, we can trust that he is at work in us.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: He works in our desires and he works in our actions.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: He can begin to change what we want, while also giving us the strength to do what is right even before our feelings fully catch up.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And that's important because transformation into Christ-likeness is not a passive process.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: We don't simply hope that someday we'll become more patient, more disciplined, loving, self-controlled, or wise.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: We participate with God in the process of becoming more like Christ.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that process reaches into every part of our lives.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Our thoughts, our relationships, our habits, our words.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, the way we treat our bodies, the way we use our time, and the choices we make when what we feel like doing isn't what is wise or beneficial.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: God created us with this remarkable ability to participate in our own formation.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: You have the capacity to determine the kind of person you turn out to be.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: You and I can ask, who am I becoming?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: Who do I want to become?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of person does God want me to be?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: And what choices will move me in that direction?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And as Christians, we don't do that alone.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't just about trying harder.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's about forming a clear vision of the kind of person you want to become, understanding what it will take to get there.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then with God's strength, making daily choices that move you in that direction.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's how change happens.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not all at once, not because you suddenly feel different, but through repeated choices that begin to shape who you are becoming.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: We are participating with God in the process of transformation.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: We make the daily choices that move us toward the person we want to become.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And in doing so, we learn to rely more and more on his strength.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hebrews 13 says, the Lord is my helper.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's something we come to understand more deeply when we actually step out and act, even when our feelings don't align with those actions.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: God is my helper.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't have to wait until my desires line up perfectly with what I know is right.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can ask Him for help and then take the next right action regardless of how I feel.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where I think we often get stuck.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: We think we have to want to do something before we can do it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes the action has to come first.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: You may not feel disciplined before you practice discipline.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: You may not feel grateful before you begin thanking God.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You may not feel energetic before you start exercising.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: You may not feel patient before you choose a patient response.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes when you act, your feelings then begin to follow.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: But even if they don't change right away, something else is happening.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're practicing becoming the kind of person you want to be.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I practice this all the time.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've been training myself for years to act the way I want to feel.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that if I didn't, I would see a huge difference in my health habits, the way I eat, whether or not I exercise, whether I spend time in God's Word first thing in the morning, the way I show up in my relationships, and ultimately in my character.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I waited until I felt like doing all of those things, every one of those areas would take a hit.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: So when my feelings aren't lining up with the way that I want to live, I remind myself: act the way you want to feel.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Act the way the person you want to become would act and then take that action.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about a day earlier this week.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm blessed to be able to work from home.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: And truly, I am grateful for that privilege.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes it's hard.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Here in Southern California, we've been going through a horrible heat wave, about a week of temperatures around 100 degrees.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Our old air conditioning doesn't work quite as well as I wish it did, and our old drafty windows really don't exactly help.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent the entire day in the house, and mentally and emotionally, that usually isn't when I'm at my best.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I do better when I get out a little, even if it's just working at a coffee shop for a couple hours or driving the kids around all their activities.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But this particular day it was filled with Zoom calls, work that needed to get done, and what felt like way too much housework and cooking mixed in.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if I'm being really honest, I was also deep in some pretty horrible PMS.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So what might normally have just been a busy day in a warm house with an annoying amount of housework suddenly became a day when every single nerve felt like it was on edge.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I felt irritable, cranky, almost unsettled in my own skin.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: So fast forward to late afternoon, when my completely innocent, completely unaware husband comes waltzing into the house after work, whistling, chatting, leaving his shoes inside and his bags from the day everywhere, or at least that's what it felt like to me.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: I had just finished making and cleaning up after after school snacks for the kids, and I felt like I had been picking up, cleaning the house, cooking, or somehow spinning in circles all day, all while dealing with that crazy BMS fatigue.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I hit this moment where I thought, I can't.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot make it through the rest of this evening without being cranky.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to take this bad mood out of my husband, and he hasn't done anything wrong.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I literally stood there in the kitchen for a moment and assessed the situation.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I think that pause is a really important part of learning to act the way you want to feel.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: You have to notice what's happening.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I took a breath and I thought, okay, I am knee deep in PMS.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: I've been inside this house way too long.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't had a break.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm agitated.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I still have work to do.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And right now I am not in a place where I'm going to show up as the wife I want to be.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: So what can I do?
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was too hot to go outside.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: The coffee shop was about to close.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, to be honest, for about a second I thought I could go get a bottle of wine and have a glass or two and take the edge off.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew that that really wasn't the answer.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I looked over at my husband, who had made himself very comfortable on the sofa watching football, and I smiled and I said, you know what?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to go finish what I'm working on at the library.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now there were several things I felt like saying instead.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Could you put your stuff away?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just cleaned the house.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why are your shoes sitting there?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't say those things.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Not because I wasn't irritated, I was.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: But because I remembered that's not who I want to be.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, I realized I needed to take some action to help myself get back to a better place.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I grabbed my laptop and a water bottle, I gave my husband a quick kiss, and then I went to the library for a couple of hours.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it was probably the best choice I could have made.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: The cool, quiet library immediately helped me settle down.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I got far more accomplished than I could have if I tried to push through at home.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And by the time I drove home a couple of hours later, I was ready, ready to unload the dishwasher again, get dinner going, and show up as the wife I actually want to be.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: And there are a few important things that had to already be in place for me to make that choice.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: First, I need to have a clear vision of the kind of wife I want to be.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want to show up for my husband?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want to speak to him?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: How do I want him to feel when he's around me?
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: How do I believe God wants me to show up in my marriage?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be patient, gracious, supportive, fun, peaceful to be around.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have to understand what becoming that woman actually requires.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: What words do I choose?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: What habits do I build into our marriage?
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: How do I listen?
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: How do I encourage him?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: How do I support him?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_00: How do I show up, not just on a date night, but on a random Tuesday morning?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then I need practical boundaries and habits that help me live that out.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that means holding my tongue when I'm tempted to say something sarcastic or rude.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means walking out of the room for a few minutes if I'm irritated.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means choosing to pick up something he left on the floor and reminding myself to serve with gratitude instead of grumbling.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means taking an extra few moments out of my morning so that I can help him get food together and be prepared for his day.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it means packing up my laptop and going to the library on a 100-degree day when I'm horribly PMSing and I've been cooped up in the house for way too long.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I mean by acting the way you want to feel.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's not pretending you don't feel what you feel.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's recognizing that your feelings don't have to decide who you are going to be.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I practice this in so many other areas of my life too.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: I can't even tell you how many workouts I've completed that I did not want to do.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: There have been so many mornings when I felt tired, unmotivated, or just simply not interested.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I made the decision a long time ago that exercise in the morning, regardless of how I feel, is a commitment that I'm making.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's a commitment I've made to myself.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's part of the person I want to be.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And over the years, that choice has helped me build and maintain a strong, healthy body.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: But just as importantly, it has helped shape my self-discipline.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Most of the time, even if I don't feel like working out when the alarm goes off, or when I'm drinking my coffee, or even while I'm driving to the gym or somewhere within those first five to ten minutes, usually I start to come around because I genuinely do enjoy exercise.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: I like how I feel when I'm moving.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: I like the challenge.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I like feeling strong.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: But some days, some days I literally never come around.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: Some days I'm halfway through the workout thinking, I honestly still don't want to be doing this.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tired.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not into it.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: It feels hard.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: But even on those days, when I finish, I am always glad I did it.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: I never regret showing up.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in some ways, it's those days that matter the most.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because those are the days when I can see that I'm not simply exercising because I happen to feel motivated.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm becoming someone who follows through, someone who can do hard things, someone who keeps her commitments.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I keep a vision in my mind of who I want to be in this area of my life, especially at 5:30 in the morning when the alarm goes off.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: And this doesn't have to do with just how I look.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be the kind of mom who shows her girls that health and fitness is a lifestyle.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be someone who can do hard things.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: And God willing, I want to be strong, active, and going strong and well into my 80s and beyond.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need someone to tell me I look great.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: But when someone notices that I work hard, I'm consistent, I'm dedicated, now that means something to me because those are character qualities.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I practice this with food too.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I am nowhere near perfect with my eating, but I have come such a long way in learning how to exercise wisdom and self-discipline around food.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it starts with the vision.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Who do I want to be around food?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do I want my eating habits to look like?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of relationship do I want to have with food?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And interestingly, one of the ways I've clarified that over the years is by my asking myself who I don't want to be.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: There's one phrase in particular that I've decided I don't want to be part of my language around food or alcohol.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: I just can't help myself.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or I can't stop eating this.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I've become very aware of those kinds of statements because food can become incredibly controlling.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want food to have that kind of control over me.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean this is easy.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: In some ways, acting the way I want to want to feel around food is harder than getting in the car and driving to the library on a bad PMS day.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: But it is something we can practice.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: And again, we can make it easier on ourselves.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: If there's a food I tend to mindlessly eat, maybe I don't leave it sitting on the counter.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I put it in the back of the pantry.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: I tape it up in the bag and put it away out of sight.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I portion it before I eat it.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I prep dinner earlier in the day because I know that by late afternoon I'm tired and much more likely to graze while I'm cooking.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I brush my teeth when I'm finished eating for the night as a signal to me that I am done eating.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I walk out of the kitchen.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I recognize that stress, boredom, or exhaustion is making me want food when I'm not actually hungry.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I train myself to choose a different response.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: Those might seem like tiny things, but that's the point.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Once you know the person you want to become, you start arranging your life in ways that help you act like that person.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: You stop expecting yourself to win every battle in the moment purely because you suddenly feel disciplined.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: You prepare, you create boundaries, you put tempting foods out of sight or get them out of the house.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: You set yourself up for success, you build habits.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then when the feeling says one thing, you're you want to do something, but you know that you don't want to do that thing, you are much more prepared to make a wise choice.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to encourage you with this today.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: You have the God-given capacity to choose the kind of person you want to become.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: With God, you can change.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Your character can change, your habits can change, your health can change.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: You do not need to feel a certain way before you can act a certain way.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the action has to come first.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: So form the vision.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Know who you want to become.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: Ask God for his strength.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then when the moment comes, make the choice that moves you in that direction.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Act the way you want to feel.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: Act the way the person you want to become would act.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: And remember the promise we started with.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: God is at work in you.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: So keep showing up.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Keep making the next right choice.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And trust that little by little, he is using those choices over time to shape the person you are becoming.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for spending this time with me.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: To learn more, visit SoulStrengthFit.com.