Latest / Voices for Voices® / How To Stop Judging Yourself (escape self-judgment) | Ep 260

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How To Stop Judging Yourself (escape self-judgment) | Ep 260 · Voices for Voices®

• 0:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Baby, I'm Amazed by you.
• 0:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's the title from a band called Lone Star.
• 0:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: When I was growing up, that was the song that was played quite a bit on the radio big time tours and it's very relevant to Voices for Voices, to me personally, to anybody that's ever been a part of Voices for Voices, no matter how small or how big, whether it's giving us a like, downloading, watching, listening to an episode of our show, whether you've taken your hard earned money and made the decision to donate to Voices for Voices, which we are a 501c3.
• 1:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So those donations are federally tax deductible, and so that's what we're going to talk about today.
• 1:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Baby, I'm amazed by you.
• 1:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: See, we spend so much time, so much energy, so much negativity, so much stress on the negative, on the well.
• 1:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can do this better, we can do that better, and this person does this better than you, or this person does this this particular half better than me.
• 2:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we're constantly in a state of competition, not just between ourselves but between others, both people we know and people we don't know, organizations, companies that we know and organizations and companies that we don't know.
• 2:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we're in this constant battle of the negative title.
• 2:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: A sensational story, the more provocative, the more polarizing words, phrases that are used, words phrases that are used If we talk about sex, if we talk about I don't know someone who was arrested and what they were arrested for, and and so that gets so much airplay, so much, just so much.
• 3:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so why is that important.
• 3:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, let me tell you, we're on Earth for such a short time.
• 4:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You've heard me talk about this, but it's very near and dear to my heart, especially as a person who not only went through, you know, mental health crash in 2017.
• 4:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, I consider myself a survivor.
• 4:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't know what was going to happen.
• 4:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't know if I was ever going to recover, if my mind was ever going to stop racing, if I was going to be judged, and Because I was going to be judged, and how I was going to be judged and by who, and feeling uncomfortable in situations, social situations, around people I know, people I don't know, and it was this negative feeling towards myself of are you going to amount to anything?
• 5:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And if you are what you went and got your education, you chase titles, job titles.
• 5:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So if somebody's not sure what that means, means you're looking to, you're looking to get promoted so you can have a title I'll just call it a marketing analyst so you're hired into an organization as a marketing analyst and then there could be a marketing analyst two, a marketing analyst, three, a marketing analyst, four, a senior marketing analyst, and the list can go on and on.
• 6:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And with promotions, and with promotions, with promotions generally ties to a larger salary or a larger dollar per hour that we'd be earning or we will be earning once that promotion and once that title gets increased and we're told, money makes such a huge difference in who we are and who we can be, and who we are and who we can be.
• 7:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's true, we have to pay for bills.
• 7:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have to do that, and so some of us end up in a working environment that might not necessarily be the most positive.
• 7:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It could be toxic, there could be bullying, there can be lots of things that can go on.
• 7:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you don't know the right person, then chances of being promoted even if we deserve it and we feel that we're ready we don't know the right people.
• 8:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're making those calls of who gets promoted and who doesn't, who stays with the company and who gets fired.
• 8:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If there's a company restructure, or who goes from full-time to part-time, who gets fired if there's a company restructure, or who goes from full-time to part-time, and so, constantly, our minds are turning and we're looking for that next best thing.
• 8:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The grass on the other side of the fence is better than the grass that's currently beneath my feet.
• 8:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we pivot and take that mindset of we could be beating ourselves up inside.
• 9:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Justin, you're not good enough, justin, you're not being promoted as fast as whoever.
• 9:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Justin, you went and got extra education, but you're still at the same place.
• 9:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You're still at the same level.
• 9:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And, as we know, there's things called student loans.
• 9:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Either you are able to pay for school or for training or certification programs, or you're not.
• 9:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're able to pay, it's no big thing.
• 9:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're not able, and you get put on a payment plan and then you have a payment every month and there's interest, and then there's the principal amount.
• 10:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we have all these different elements of society, of being a human, no matter where we live, no matter where we reside, no matter where we visit on vacation.
• 10:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of these norms are what they call universal Meaning.
• 10:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you're in the state of Nebraska and you want to go on vacation to another state or somewhere in your home state of Nebraska.
• 10:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can assure you that money is going to be a big part of it.
• 11:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Are we driving, are we flying?
• 11:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Are we taking a train?
• 11:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Are we taking a bus?
• 11:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: How long are we going?
• 11:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: For how much are we staying at a hotel or a motel, and how much are we?
• 11:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: How much are hotels and motels charging?
• 11:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so we have to think about that.
• 11:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, I'd like to go for a week, and then you find out, you know, hotel is two times the amount that you thought it was going to be.
• 11:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so it's like, oh well, I thought we're going to go for seven days, we can only go for three Because, right, it comes back to money, to money where we live, where we reside, then same deal.
• 12:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can pay outright for a luxury home in a luxury neighborhood, outright for a luxury home and a luxury neighborhood, then you can do that If you want to.
• 12:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But you're not able to because of the amount of money, the amount of income that's coming in to your household.
• 12:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're not going to be able to do that.
• 12:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just simple arithmetic math.
• 12:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can afford, hypothetically, I can afford $1,000 a month.
• 13:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, if where I really want to live.
• 13:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's $2,500 a month.
• 13:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It wouldn't be very wise to go in that direction of well, I know I can afford, or household can afford, you know, $1,000 a month, house payment or condo payment or apartment or what have you Now in full.
• 13:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, the payments are going to be $2,500.
• 13:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that first month they're going going to find out like, oh, I missed my payment of $2,500 minus $1,000 because I paid $1,000.
• 13:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I would still have to owe $1,500.
• 14:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then we're again.
• 14:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We get to that judging part.
• 14:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, somebody I know or somebody my family knows lives in a particular neighborhood and we would like to live near them or close, or in the same allotment or the same city or whatever that may be.
• 14:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Then we're judging person A is able to do this, but I'm not able.
• 14:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Person B is able to do it, but I'm not able.
• 14:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So and so in my family is able to do it, but I'm not able.
• 14:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so again, there's that judging, there's that inevitable inside our mind, racing thoughts and like how can I get to that level?
• 15:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you may talk to somebody or some buddies and they could give various responses Go back to school, go in for this major, instead of that, but whatever that may be.
• 15:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we're back comparing when we're not able to reach Kind of that potential, or if it's taking too long or been overlooked for too many things.
• 15:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's what I hope.
• 15:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's why I have just a lot of hope that our children are going through the educational system, that they're given the tools of how to manage best as they can these situations of a job loss, a promotion, a job relocation.
• 16:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What happens when an interest rate changes and my payment goes up and now I'm no longer able to afford it, afford that payment or whatever that is car, truck, van, suv, house, condo, apartment, doesn't matter what that is, it matters what it costs.
• 17:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Then we're judging ourselves again.
• 17:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, this person's able to drive this type of car and I gotta keep up with them.
• 17:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I talk about all these, all these things here on this episode, because I have, I don't say, more times than not, it feels like in my mind and various reactions and feedback feels like well, what's the point?
• 17:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What's the point in continuing?
• 17:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nobody likes the work or my mind operates differently and my mental illnesses, and you know we think about these things of again, we're comparing.
• 18:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know why can't I be given, afforded, you know a particular opportunity, and so it's easy to get down.
• 18:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's really easy to get down.
• 18:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Anybody's taking a look at social media and photos or videos exotic locations, beaches and yachts and private jets, and you name it and then when we look ourselves in the mirror or in the camera it's like, wow, look at all these people, they're making it.
• 19:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I wish I could.
• 19:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I wish for just one day that I could.
• 19:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But and so moments pass, thoughts come and go, hours, days go by until we find not just our purpose, not just what can pay the bills and make things easier that way.
• 20:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But what can we do to help people?
• 20:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you may be thinking well, I've got to help myself first.
• 20:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Amen to that, we have to help ourselves first.
• 20:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, that's easier said than done.
• 20:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think we could agree that.
• 20:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know I'm overqualified for this, I'm underqualified for that.
• 20:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know work conditions and you know and particular field aren't the healthiest and I have allergy sensitivities, and on and on and on and on.
• 21:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so, if you're like me, you try new things, new ideas.
• 21:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have trial, trial, we have error, and in fact we have trial and error all the time and previous in our lives.
• 21:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We just called that judgment and we called that really beating up on ourselves inside.
• 21:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We called that again, comparing, judging ourselves against somebody else.
• 21:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's hard to think that.
• 21:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know what I can be content with where I'm at.
• 21:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Would I like more money?
• 22:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Would I like more of this, more of that, less of this, less of that?
• 22:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I think everybody's answered yeah, I don't think there's ever enough money that we feel that we're worth, that.
• 22:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We feel that we should be paid, that we should, you know, because we do this one thing or these two things and while we can justify that inside, it's the outside world, it's people outside.
• 22:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Many of the times, let's say of about family business, these decisions of who gets hired, who gets fired, who gets promoted, who gets demoted, those type of questions are answered by people that generally we don't know.
• 23:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of times first time we meet them is at a job interview.
• 23:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Now we may find we have similarities of I like sports, oh yeah, what kind of sports?
• 23:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I like baseball.
• 23:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Football, oh yeah.
• 23:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Who's your favorite team?
• 23:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's that.
• 23:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I started, we started and, like Miley Cyrus says, we won't stop.
• 23:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can't stop, like that Lone Star song.
• 23:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Baby, I'm Amazed by you.
• 24:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's time to give ourselves some love, some support.
• 24:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Give ourselves a break from judging, from comparing, because maybe some of the individuals we're comparing to, maybe the type of work they do, maybe that's passionate for them, and so it's not just the J-O-D job, it's more of a vocation.
• 24:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm called, you're called, to do what, and some of it comes easy to us and some of it doesn't.
• 25:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some of it may come on the first try, but statistics generally, some of it may come on the first try.
• 25:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: With statistics generally, there's a lot of trial and error.
• 25:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We try a new major, we try a trade school, we try a certain field, we try the advertising industry, we try the manufacturing industry, we try teaching, and so we have all this experience in these certain areas, in these certain areas, and maybe we find that one of those areas is what?
• 25:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What we end up?
• 26:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Having that passion, having that fire inside, being like a bulldog, like I'm going to do the best I can.
• 26:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I love this type of work, I love this type of industry, I love doing this, I love doing that, I just love what I am doing.
• 26:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And some people will say, well, you don't have a smile on your face.
• 26:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And some people will say, well, you don't have a smile on your face.
• 26:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You don't look like you're having fun, it doesn't look like you're happy.
• 26:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Who's been told that my index finger was not shown?
• 26:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've been told that.
• 26:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've been told that many times by a lot of people.
• 26:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Where I would be in a meeting and I would share I'm excited, we don't look excited, you don't look happy.
• 27:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so when we get that feedback, we all react differently.
• 27:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've spent my fair share of time judging and comparing myself to others, and I've gotten a lot better at it, at doing less of it now.
• 27:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I'm also in my 40s, I'm not in my teens, I'm not in my 20s, I'm not in my 30s.
• 27:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So it's taken me a ton of trial and error in a lot of situations where you don't look happy, you don't look excited, you're not smiling, you don't have that happy-go-lucky smile.
• 28:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, okay, somebody can think that, but the only people that know our true feelings, our true colors, is ourselves.
• 28:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so when we do something, when we complete a project, when we complete a task, when we hit a milestone how small or how big, whatever that may be for us, for me, that's what it's all about and that's how we find what our passion, what we're called to do.
• 29:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I'm not even talking about religion or faith, it's what are we good at, what do we like to do?
• 29:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you know we do trial and error until we hopefully one day come across that.
• 29:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so that's what Voices for Voices is for me.
• 29:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And when I say, baby, I'm amazed by you, I'm amazed by myself.
• 29:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I feel like my Cyrus when she says I can't stop, I won't stop, because that also alludes to the passion and that I can be kind to myself, and so can you.
• 30:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've heard a lot of people say oh, that's the mushy, and you know that.
• 30:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know all kinds of names, all kinds of thoughts, but nobody can tell me how I feel.
• 30:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nobody can tell me if I truly like something, I truly like what I'm doing.
• 30:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, a lot of high percentage of businesses or things that we do.
• 30:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: They don't happen right away, they're not the first things always that we try, and so some of us we may have to trial and error 10 times, others five, others 20.
• 31:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't know.
• 31:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But what I do know is, for all of those trials and all those errors, the culmination of those experiences has really helped mold me into having a better understanding in my mind of what I like and what I don't like.
• 31:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some may say, oh you're, you're lazy.
• 31:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Some may say, what are you doing on the couch for all those hours?
• 31:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or what are you doing on the couch for all those hours?
• 31:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Or what are you doing in the office for all these hours?
• 32:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And my, my biggest response is I'm on a mission, I'm going towards goals that I believe in, both short-term goals and long-term goals, and having an experience makes me feel good inside and go, oh, wow, this thing that I did, this experience that I had.
• 32:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't know that it was going to affect me this way, because I've been comparing myself to others who are in a different, I'll say like a different level, a different zone, a different zone, and that we, we shouldn't be comparing ourselves to others, not only others that are not in our zone or in our specialty or what, what moves us, what brings our emotions, and we feel like, well, yeah, this is work, but it doesn't feel like it all the time.
• 33:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I know if I go do this other thing, it's going to feel like work, it's going to burn me out, and it's going to feel like work.
• 33:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's going to burn me out and we're only on earth for a very short time.
• 34:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I'm not going to die rich.
• 34:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm not going to die with all kinds of money and that, and that's okay.
• 34:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You asked me 20 years ago that wouldn't be okay to the 23-24, justin.
• 34:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I'm amazed at myself and everybody, as I stated, that has invested time, energy, money, voices for voices.
• 34:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You have a founder that is on fire.
• 35:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You have a founder that's on fire to make a difference, a positive difference in the world.
• 35:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You have a founder on fire that wants and is making a difference domestically and internationally.
• 35:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Domestically and internationally.
• 35:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed at how far our organization has come, how far our show has come.
• 35:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed at the diversity of our guests and topics and experiences that we talk about, whether you watch or you listen to our show over 200, well, this episode is going to be episode 260.
• 36:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I always started at zero at some point and that just blows my mind that, oh my gosh, 260 episodes of the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast.
• 36:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just mind blowing to think that.
• 36:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so if I didn't have the fire?
• 36:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's just mind-blowing to think that.
• 36:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so if I didn't have the fire, the intensity, the passion, I would just halfway do it.
• 36:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You know, it would be this hobby.
• 36:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: On the side, it could be considered a hobby, but we just reached a huge milestone of our 260th episode and even if just one person watched or listened to each episode, or even if there was only one person that watched one episode, then that person was going through a lot of hard things, through a lot of hard things, but because they watched, because they listened, they saw, they heard individuals and individuals talk about their mental health, their mental health, and that we're not alone.
• 37:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not just a slogan.
• 38:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're not.
• 38:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I sat around a table when I was admitted in 2017, of at least 10 other people that I had never seen in my life and I thought I was the only one that was going through.
• 38:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I was so wrong Because I would think I might have been halfway, halfway in the middle of the other patients.
• 38:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I got to hear half of the patients share their stories and by the time it got to me, I could just feel some of the stress and anxiety and, oh my gosh, all that's not taken away.
• 39:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But there's this little piece, little part of my mind.
• 39:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It was put at ease Because it was only at that point where that slogan I'm not alone actually occurred to me.
• 39:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Up until then it was just a slogan, it was just words that were spoken, but I actually saw it, I lived it, I heard it, I lived it, I heard it.
• 39:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I promise you, whatever you're going through, whether you think it's big or small, or whether somebody's telling you, oh, it's just something small, but it's a big deal to you, you know how you feel.
• 40:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Others try to help, some are more successful than others, but it's only you that can express whether it's internally or whether it's externally, how you feel, why you feel that way, not somebody else, not somebody else.
• 40:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we just, we didn't need to just trust ourselves.
• 41:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We need to be amazed by things that we're doing.
• 41:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'll say I would be happy with five episodes of the show.
• 41:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'd be happy with 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 100, 150, 200, 205, 210.
• 41:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And to be on episode 260, it's hard to put it into words.
• 41:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's actually made things much better for me the quicker our out-of-studio episodes get filmed and then drop on audio and video platforms.
• 41:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Because at first I was and I still am, so ecstatic, blessed, grateful, humbled.
• 42:11
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: They were able to have an in-studio component to our show.
• 42:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But there was a little bit missing.
• 42:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There were current events, there were thoughts.
• 42:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There was inspiration.
• 42:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There was passion.
• 42:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's inspiration, there was passion that 52 times a year just wasn't enough for me.
• 42:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And nobody's told me to continue, or I should have stopped at a certain point.
• 42:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all have opinions to continue or I should have stopped at a certain point.
• 42:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all have opinions, we're entitled to that.
• 43:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like I said, the one person who knows, at the end of the day, how we're feeling is ourselves.
• 43:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And it's okay to give ourselves a break from the judging.
• 43:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's okay to give ourselves a pat on the back, a well done.
• 43:26
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Is it nice to hear it from others besides ourselves?
• 43:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Oh yeah, very much so, it really does.
• 43:42
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I'm amazed at where we're at.
• 43:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed at where we're at.
• 43:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed at where we've been.
• 43:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed by the hurdles and the obstacles that have been put in front of us, to the side, behind us, and how we have not just not powered through them, like well, this isn't going to stop me, because that's the thought of like well, just power through it, just get through that situation and then everything's going to stop me, because that's the thought of like well, just power through it, just get through that situation and then everything's going to be okay.
• 44:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I don't like that, I don't like how that sounds, but that's just me.
• 44:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm amazed on how transparent I am for all our viewers and listeners, no matter how many, no matter if there's one or 100 or 20.
• 45:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I got to decide that.
• 45:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I got to decide if what I share, when I share it, how I share it.
• 45:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, there's there's times where I reiterate from a prior episode and a prior episode, because on that day and time that's how I felt and that's keeping things real.
• 45:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's how I've felt, not how somebody told me I've felt or how I feel.
• 45:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's by me telling myself uncomfortable topic, sensitive topics, talking about our minds, talking about our brains, talking about mental illness.
• 46:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't want pity, I just want to help people.
• 46:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's what Voices for Voices is here for.
• 46:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's to help people.
• 46:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If I can help one person stand up and rise up and share confidence in themselves to do whatever that is that they want to do.
• 46:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether that is the trial for a sports team, for a play, for a movie, for whatever it may be, to explore therapy, I don't know.
• 47:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But helping one person again, one less person that feels as though they're lowly, nobody understands them, and sometimes we have to like the Ariana Grande song.
• 47:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have to like the Ariana Grande song.
• 47:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have to break free, and that can mean something different to everybody, but the way I like to think about it is.
• 48:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: When I admitted myself voluntarily in 2017 to a psych ward, I was scared for a lot of reasons.
• 48:16
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What are people going to think?
• 48:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm one of those people.
• 48:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm crazy.
• 48:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Those were all thoughts that were going through my head, and once I was shown that I was being evaluated medically by mental illness, mental health professionals, psychiatrists, therapists, I was able to do a lot of art therapy and I was able to start eating more than just carrots and plain hummus.
• 48:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So some may say and think that that was the worst day of my life.
• 49:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, it really wasn't.
• 49:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: When I saw that I wasn't alone, when I saw that I was being given nutrition support, I was able to sleep without a phone nearby, I was able to go to therapy and talk about me and listen to others and, at least for my experience, I was shown a lot of people were showing me that they cared and said well, that's their job is to do that.
• 50:03
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, it is, and so it's just amazing that in June of 2025, I'd not only written about my mental health journey, collegiate students on podcasts, on TV shows that aren't mine, and voices are voices, and then, like I said, the 260 that are.
• 50:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I am amazed at myself and it's okay for me to feel that way.
• 51:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's okay to tell myself that I don't have to constantly feel that, I have to constantly feel that judging.
• 51:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean, I'm not perfect.
• 51:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, it's perfect.
• 51:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Jesus was perfect.
• 51:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all sin, and so I fall off the wagon, but I always like to think that I'm getting back on the wagon and giving a shot, giving it a try.
• 51:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we may cover provocative topics from time to time, but it's about humanity, it's about helping humanity.
• 51:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's about helping humanity.
• 51:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's about alerting some situations to the public.
• 52:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean it's and I think because, as far as I know, I'm a human and so, with me just being Justin, it makes me, makes me feel alive inside, it makes me feel that, oh, maybe I am amazing and I don't need anybody to judge me and tell me well, you're not amazing because of this, this, this and this, and I don't need anybody to judge me and tell me well, you're not amazing because of this, this, this and this.
• 53:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's myself, it's me that gets to tell me I'm amazing, instead of I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything, that I won't do this and I'll never amount to anything, that I won't do this and I won't do that.
• 53:19
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And see, Justin, you should have known it, you should have known you shouldn't have done that.
• 53:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so that's the negative talk.
• 53:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I've already had a lot of negative talk.
• 53:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: In fact, I've had too much negative talk to myself, and you may too.
• 53:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You may have just felt that and say, oh well, you know, it's being reinforced by others.
• 53:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So that's how it is.
• 53:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, no, that's how it is.
• 53:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: No, no, it is how you think, how you feel it is.
• 54:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Nobody's going to be as passionate about whatever that is that you're passionate or whatever those things are that you're passionate about.
• 54:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you shouldn't take advice from people that are telling you how to think.
• 54:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Now, we can listen right, so that's how we learn.
• 54:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Now, we can listen right, so that's how we learn.
• 54:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We learn from other experiences, talking to others.
• 54:43
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whatever that is, we can learn, and we can bring in five sources of information, or whatever that number is.
• 54:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe it's two sources, I don't know.
• 54:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That doesn't matter.
• 54:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The number doesn't matter.
• 54:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What matters is that I'm a little bit more kinder to myself, that maybe, just maybe, you're going to be a little bit kinder to yourself Again, none of us are perfect, so we can have goals that we want to achieve.
• 55:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe we achieve them, maybe we don't.
• 55:33
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe we achieve them all.
• 55:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe we achieve them, maybe we don't.
• 55:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe we achieve them all, maybe we achieve one.
• 55:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But no matter what, no matter, no matter what it's how we feel it's okay to say we're amazing, regardless of.
• 55:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's okay to say we're amazing regardless of anyone else tells us that or not.
• 56:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all would like that.
• 56:10
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We all would like everybody to love us and adore us and buy whatever we're selling and hire us for the highest wage and be able to have the houses and the cars and the travel and private jets and all.
• 56:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean.
• 56:34
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Maybe that would be nice.
• 56:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But after experiencing my father passing last year the week leading up to his passing, it didn't matter how many shows I had at that point, it didn't matter how many donations we had at that point, it didn't matter about a whole lot.
• 57:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It mattered about human life, about my father, my dad, my hero, my angel, sitting reading, and that was without a phone.
• 57:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I didn't have to have the phone with me.
• 57:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I read a paperback book, sat with him, held his hand, tried to provide as much comfort as possible, and we all did the best that we could.
• 58:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And there's A lot of things are just really out of our control.
• 58:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so at that very moment, in those moments, I was learning how important some of those small things are, things that I've neglected over the years, and I think that that helps give me additional energy and fire.
• 58:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: After he passed to say, oh my gosh, justin, like we don't get to take any of this stuff with us when we pass on.
• 59:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We don't get to take any of this stuff with us, I don't get to take my phone, I don't get to take my my.
• 59:14
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't get to take my car, I don't get to take my camera, my picture with such and such celebrity or such and such person.
• 59:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I don't get to take those things with me.
• 59:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that was a very powerful time.
• 59:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It still is.
• 59:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so it brought things you know down from down to earth.
• 59:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It brought so much perspective for me and the human body, the human mind of how loved one, of understanding that my dad, he had me, my mom and my sister, that we're all there.
• 1:00:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Sometimes we spoke, sometimes we read to him, we did a lot of quiet sitting and it brought that perspective right into my head Like, wow, I should probably reprioritize and try my best to get the most out of life and the very short amount of days that I have left, the very short amount of days that I have left.
• 1:01:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so, yeah, we talk about provocative topics from time to time, but it's in the name of humanity, it's a name of free speech, it's in the name of people being a voice for themselves or somebody else in need.
• 1:01:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And so I want to know, at the end of my days, I did the best I could, that I did the best I could, that I did the best I could and that it's okay and I can look back without regret, without regret of I didn't do this or I didn't do that, or I wish I would have tried this.
• 1:02:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, I'm trying it, voices for voices.
• 1:02:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So I'm amazed at myself.
• 1:02:39
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I can't stop.
• 1:02:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I won't stop talking about easy topics, easy subjects or tough topics, or tough subjects, because whether we like it or not, whether we know it or not, none of us are getting out alive.
• 1:03:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That's, or how much money, how many connections we have, possessions.
• 1:03:21
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Those are for the moment, those are for living in the moment, and so I'd rather spend my time, my professional time, talking to you, whether you're watching or listening, and bringing others along with me to talk about life, and we thank you for joining us on this episode.
• 1:04:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You can give us a big, big thumbs up.
• 1:04:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: You can like, share, subscribe, follow All those things that are free to do.
• 1:04:20
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: They're all free and, if you're able to, we do accept donations.
• 1:04:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: At voicesforvoices.
• 1:04:31
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: org, you can click on support the show, support the organization.
• 1:04:40
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: That takes you to the page where you can enter your information, complete your tax-deductible donation, or you can find us on Venmo at Voices for Voices.
• 1:04:57
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you, god bless you, god bless the world and God bless these United States of America.
• 1:05:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We'll see you next time.