Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 163. How TO Stop Being The Nonchalant Girl: Owning Your BIGNESS

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163. How TO Stop Being The Nonchalant Girl: Owning Your BIGNESS · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is about female empowerment.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: And encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest, and most
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to she Risers. We have a
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: big episode this week about how to stop being the
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: nonchalant I don't care pretending to be the cool girl
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: kind of vibe.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Because let's face it, you don't even like being the
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: nonchalant girl anyway. You're not having a good time, You're
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: not stop lying to yourself.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: You want to be big, bold, bitchy, bratty. Let all
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: of our twenty seven personalities shine through and know that
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: we're loved for every single into ourself.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Do you know how empowering it is to be opinionated?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's the best. It's so free, it
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: really is. And without that's opinionated or more sexual, or
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: more loud, or just to use your voice more. That's
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: something every single woman and man and child should be
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: super empowered to just be all of them. Absolutely, But
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: before we get into that, what's your share of the week?
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: My share of the week is actually these nipple covers
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: that I've been using, Oh the bear. They're actually from
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: a brand called her Form Active, and they come obviously
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: with gym ware, but my goodness, when I'm at the
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: gym and my nipples are hard, they could cut through us,
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: like it is atrocious. So I don't want to make
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: my train to feel uncomfortable. But there's such a game
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: changer because then I don't have to have that little
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: niggle in the back of my head of like, oh
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: my nipples are showing today, or like, oh, why they're
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: so hard today?
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: It makes you feel a little bit awkward.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, so they have been an absolute game changer for
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: me because I don't wear bras either, so I just
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: wear those nipple covers all the time, and they're not
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: sticky and they don't rip off you nipples.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: No, which those normal sticky boobs. These have been a
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: game changer. Even were a tank top last week that
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: it's a pastel yellow color, so without a bra or something,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: it's just a little bit see through and I just
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: put those on. I was like, sweet, done, because I
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: don't like wearing bras are uncomfortable.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: It's so uncomfortable.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Just don't draw as much attention to my hard.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, you're like, hello, I'm here, I'm ready to go.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: But honestly, game change. I highly recommend very comfy too.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Oh mine is just a quote.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: When someone is drowning, this is not the time to
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: teach them how to swim. And this can relate to anyone,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: like even kids. You know, when kids are super disregulated,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: that's not the time to give them a lecture or
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: try and discipline them or make them realize what they've
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: done or what they've said. First of all, just like
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: get them out of the water, get them from like
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: not drowning, get them breathing again, Get them to catch
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: their breath and just regulate and for their body to
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: know it's safe to be, to talk to reflect and
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: if your friend or your partner or something's going through
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: something really hard. The last thing, most of the time
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: they wanted you to jump in and fix them straight away.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: They just want to be heard. Just listen, just hold space,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: and when the time's right then you can give advice
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and you can help them. I do like that. Most
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: of the time when people are drowning, they just want
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: to make sure that they're going to be alive. So
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: love that they just want to hug. They just want
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: to hug. All right, let's get into today's episodes. So
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: that word nonchalant, where's that come from?
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: We use it so often we do so funny.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: I think maybe there's a stigma online of like nonchalant men.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: There's like this gme in like single life dating well of.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Nonchalant men, there's putting no effort in, super.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Unreactive, just meh, just.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Some effort in.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: We don't want meh step up, and we definitely don't
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: want to be meh. I know the amount of times
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: that I have been the nonchalant girl and I have
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: been internally raging about something. I'm like, my goodness, why
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: have we taught ourselves that it's okay to sit back
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: on the things that were actually disappointed about.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: What goes back to the conditioning of being the good girl?
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: And what was that? The quiet you are, the more
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: accepted you are. Polite women are quiet, they say yes,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: they look after everyone before themselves.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: Or even like where there was this phase of like
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: there being like the cool girlfriend. Oh no, she's so
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: she's so chill, she doesn't really care. She's not super reactive.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Same Oh my god, she's a vibe. She's okay with anything.
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think so.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Nah. I said this in one of my girlfriends. Actually
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: she just says yes to everything and in a relationship,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: like her partner will describe her as that. But I'm like, internally,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: i can see she's really struggling. I'm like, you don't
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: want that. Why don't you say you don't want that?
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: She's like, oh, you know, it's not worth causing a fart.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, but then you have to just build up
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: all this resentment and be suffering in silence. Yes, that
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: is worth speaking up about. Yeah, but she just hasn't
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: found her voice yet. Yeah, And all in divine timing
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: and all we all go on that journey. I know
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I have. It's only been the last couple of years,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: especially since our friendship. You guys want to hear us
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: behind closed doors.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, if only there were Mike's on then.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: But honestly, it's so freeing and it's not to say
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: that We're just going to jump online and say everything
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: that our mind thinks, because we all have intruth of thoughts,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: we all have shit that comes out. We're like, oh
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: my god, I'm the most horrible person for thinking that.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: But it's so freeing to be able to say in
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: a safe environment, or to use our voice in a
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: productive way and not be so concerned about what everyone
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: else thinks about us. If someone's going to judge you
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: or not be your friend because of something you've said
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: or an opinion you have, they're not your people.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: It's like the whole COVID thing, right. I feel like
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: it was such a divide with people, and I just
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: could never understand it because I had friends that were
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: vaccinated and fully believed in it and other friends that weren't.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: It doesn't affect me, You do you whatever you believe,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: And why would I not be friends with you because
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: you're vaccinated or not vaccinated? Even friends with kids that
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: are vaccinated or not vaccinated. I don't care. Yeah, it
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: was good for you, Yeah, but it was such a
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: divide in the world, and I saw so many people
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: lose friendships and lose relationships, lose jobs over this, and
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, damn.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: Such a topic.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: No, that's really fine. It was such an interesting time.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Wasn't it.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's never go back there.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: No, thank you are not never lockdown. Thank you. I
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: can definitely relate to this though, because growing up, I
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: definitely was scared to say what I truly thought because
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: I've got an abandoned wound and a rejection wound, So
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I was scared if I truly said how I felt
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: about something that people would leave. So I just pretend
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: I was cool with everything. Yeah, but now I'm like,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: I'm actually not cool with that, And it takes bravery
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: and courage to actually go, oh no, I don't really
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: agree with that, or that's cool you thinking about this?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: It's even how you worred. It's like, oh wow, that's
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: really interesting. But have you thought about it like this? Yes,
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: it's just like opening people's mind up and putting it
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: in a language that doesn't feel so defensive will closed mind.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh wow, that's really cool. I saw this
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: the other day. What do you think about this? And
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: just open up the conversation.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Out of curiosity?
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: What do you think is different from when you were
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: like that to how you are now? What do you
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: think is changed the most?
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: I think just more coming into myself. Yeah, this last
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: twelve months, who I truly am not caring so much
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: about while the people think knowing that life can be
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: taken away at any moment, and I keep going back
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: to this. But since my brain surgeries, I'm like, well,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be eighty and look back at
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: my life and think, oh my gosh, I cared so
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: much about what everyone thought that I didn't live my
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: life for me. I didn't go on that work trip
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: because I'm so worried about what social media is going
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: to say, how I'm a bad mum. I didn't go
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and do this because so and so thinks that that's
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: a waste of time or money. I didn't buy that
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: because someone thinks it's a waste of money. Like I
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: didn't do what I wanted to do. Everyone can have
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: their opinions, and I'm like, I want to live for me.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I want to look back and go, Wow, you really lived,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: and you really took chances, and you really said yes
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: even when you're scared. And I want my kids to
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: be able to do that as well. So if I
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: want them to live like that, then I have to
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: be the wrong model. But it definitely took a long
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: time to get to that point. But now that I
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: started practicing that, it wasn't as scary as what I thought.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Love that, you know, and if you lose people along
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: the way, I just believe they're not your people. And
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I know that sounds so easier said than done. But
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: now I've got my right people in my life and
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: they love me for all I am. If anyone else doesn't,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh okay, Like I feel nonchalant about that,
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: but yeah, like, well you do you. I've got people
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: that love all of me. But to attract those people,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: you have to be all of you. Because if you're
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: not all of you, you're not going to attract people
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: that truly love you for you. You put on a
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: mask and you're not being who you truly are. And
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: you wonder why your friendships breakdown. Yes, because they're not
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: getting the full version of you. Damn straight, they're getting
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: a fake version.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Do you think there's a huge difference in how you
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: felt about yourself before as to how you do now.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Do you think that has played a huge role of
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: like your sense of confidence?
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, I really love who I am now. Yeah, I
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: didn't love who I was back then. I don't know why.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: But do you feel like that has made it easier
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: to yes, stand up for what you believe in and
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: not be nonchalant in the moments where you are disappointed
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: or angry.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Or because if you don't love what I say. I
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: do love what I say, and at the end of
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: the day, that's what truly matters to me. I'm not
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: here to be liked by everyone. Yeah, you all know
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: this listening to this podcast. We're not a fluffy podcast.
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: It just is nonchalant about shit. We say a lot
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: of things that are really triggering. We talk about a
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: lot of controversial things. We share a lot of things
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: really openly. But yeah, I love me now, and I
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: love what I stand for, and I love my mission,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: and I love that I speak about whatever's on my mind.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I think I do it in a really respectful open way.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: You do. But I think back then I didn't love
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: who I was, so I didn't believe anyone else would
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: love who I was either, so I would do what
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I thought everyone needed from me. But then it didn't
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: feel good for me in the end, and I couldn't
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: have true, deep connections because I wasn't being me.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it definitely is hard, isn't it, Because you build
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: almost building a relationship of something that is in genuine
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: it's not real. It's like not a real foundation. I'm
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: actually not showing up as my real self. I'm fabricating
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: this person that I'm trying to be in hope that
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: this person will like me or keep me around.
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's so exhausting.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: You can't keep that up forever. Oh my gosh, it's like.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: Trying to keep like twenty beach balls under the water
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: at the same time you've only got two hands. Yeah,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: like you're going to be tired. You don't have the
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: capacity to do that. And then people walk around and
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: wonder why they feel so exhausted all the time in
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: social settings because you're not being yourself. Literally, I can
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: only say that because I've done that. Yes, I would
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: spend twenty minutes in a social setting and be like,
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: I fucking hate this.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the worst.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: But because when you're trying to be someone that you're not,
• 9:34
  Speaker 2: or trying to present a certain way out of fear
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: or whatever the reason, Yeah, it's exhausting.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: I think it's really cool to check INTWO when you're
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: reflecting back, what's changed is my nervous system. When my
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: nervous system was really dysregulated, I was constantly in this
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: like fight or flight panic energy that I just was
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: so fearful to be myself and fearful to do anything,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: so I'd just be almost like a robotes that felt safer,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: or I'd go into the faun response, which is like
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: overcompensating people pleasing because it felt safer, just to make
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: sure everyone else was happy, and I would just be
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: super disregulated and disrupted in my own body. But as
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: long as they're happy that I'm safe.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: Yes, it's so true.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: We're so focused on the other person not realizing what's
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: going on internally.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: All it does is put you in the red zone
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: more and keep you so much more disregulated and exhausted
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and burnt out. And then it affects your sleep, dusk, in,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: your mood, your hormones, your relationships, everything that I bet
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: you value is being affected by how disregulated and how
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: inauthentic you are being. Whereas the more connected I am
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: to my body and the more regulated and the greens
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: that I am with my nervous system, the more I'm
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: myself and this is something that we are so frickin
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: passionate about. We've been working on the last couple of
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: years in our own bodies. And while we are so
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: proud to be where we are right now and how
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: we show up and the relationships we have and how
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: healthy we.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Are, can we just normalize like being too much and
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: it being okay to be big bocked?
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Like this whole year has been about refusing to make
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: myself smaller to make other people feel comfortable fit in. Like,
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I don't want to be the woman who goes off
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: you know, the man that I'm dating's calendar just because
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: it works for him and doesn't work for me. I've
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: been that girl many times before. I've also been the
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: friend who never spoke up about what I wanted to
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: do or my interests because I was like, this friendship
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: is about making this person happy. Yeah, Like, can we
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: rewrite the narrative and choose more for ourselves and the
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: relationships that we have around knowing that, like, our relationships
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: and dynamics are not one sided.
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: No, they're not supposed to be.
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: It's not supposed to be out over extending yourself to
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: please and make somebody else happy without you equally getting
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: an equal give and take in that dynamic and relationship.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: When do we.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: Decide that we get breadcrumbs in relationships dynamics? Right?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Because fuck that?
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: I don't want that.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. No, no one shouldn't. That happens so often
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: in intimate relationships too. And even Steves realized lately how
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: much he doesn't put himself first. This has been such
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: a big shift for him. He works, and then he's
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: with family and the kids, and I come up here
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: and I plan girls dinners and girls' trips and stay
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: cay and catch up for walks and do fun shit.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: And he doesn't do a hobby anymore. I got a
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: dance class and there's been this big realization and he's like, fuck,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I kind of like lost myself in this because I
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: just wanted to be a good dad and a good husband.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: But I'm like, you also get to do things that
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: you want to do. Speak up, what is it you
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: want to do? Yeah? What makes you happy? What is
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: Steve want? And he's like, fuck, I don't even know anymore.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so easy to get lost.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when I want to do something for so long.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, you're allowed to be big as well.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: He's definitely more of an introverted, karma quieter personality than
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: what I am. I'm not afraid to say what I
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: want now and what I want out of life and
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: what I want to do. But he's kind of lost
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: that because he's so focused on thinking about everyone else.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I'm like, bring that forward. What does Steve want? Be loud,
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: tell me what you want, let's talk about it. You know.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: But how cool as well?
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: Even as somebody who is more prone to being a
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: more quiet, more private kind of person. There's been conversations
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: we've all had where he's like, I love how much
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: fun you guys have work.
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: I would love to do more of that.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: I know someone who's predisposed to being more introverted. Yes,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: he still wants and craves to like almost step into
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: that big nis, which I think is a really cool
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: thing to showcase as a man as well. You know,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: we always talk about it in women, but like us
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: as humans in general, definitely want to feel so free
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: in ourselves to express ourselves.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: And the more that you practice it, as you're listening
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: to this, just know, the more that you are your
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: authentic self and your big self. You get to lead
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: and inspire other people to do that. And we have
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: loved that too, because the more we are ourselves. We
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: get messages from girls all the time and like, oh
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: my gosh, I love how confident you are? How are
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: you so confident? I love that you speak your truth
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: and it's like you can see it activates something within them.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: And if you get to do that for other people
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: in your life, your daughters, your sisters, your friends, how
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: a freakin cool hold the torch, lead the way, be brave, try.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: And it's also.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: Scary sometimes because there's a fear of like, oh, if
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: I'm too big, too much, how is somebody going to react?
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: Are they going to respond?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: Is this person going to receive it in a positive way?
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: But if you come into it with that mindset, you're
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: going to see where people are receiving it negatively. Yeah,
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: you know you're already looking for the problem. You're already
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: looking for how you're doing is wrong and bad? What
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: if it was inspiration? How can you see it in
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: that light? And that exactly what you just said? How
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: can you choose to see it from a I get
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: to lead, I get to go first I get to
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: show and lead the torch for the people that I
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: do love. And it's been like what you said, it's
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: been so powerful for us in our friendship, for us
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: to continuously be like, no, bring a bigness in your
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: bigness in like review, you know, So that's been powerful.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: We have to undo what we've been togs. I know,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: growing up, I've definitely been told I'm too loud, too much,
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: too aggressive, to opinionated. And it's only like the last
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: year I'm like, yeah I am. I'm a fucking lot.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: I'm not for everyone. I'm not everyone's cup of tea.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah i am loud, i am crazy, I'm a big
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: ball of fun. I'm always up for an adventure. I
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: will challenge you, I'll ask you the deep questions. I'm
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: going to go there. I'm also going to cross the line,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: whether it's sexually, whether it's inappropriately, it's true. I will
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: go there and I will turn heads and be like
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: does she just say that? I'm like, yes, I did,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: you heard right?
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't even blink and just like dead luck
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: of straight in the eyes.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: Literally, But it's this lug last year that I'm like,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: actually love that side of me, she's so fun. It
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: was Stephanie to start with, and now sometimes Steve will say, oh,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Stephanie's here, I'm like, yeah, she is. But I feel
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Stephanie and Ashy have kind of integrated each other, and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I love that because Stephanie was almost like my escape
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: was like Ash's the nice girl, and Stephanie she's the sexual,
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: she's the wild, she's the loud one. It's like our
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Stephanie's heah. Now I'm like, actually, Ash's like that as well,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: and she can be that and still be loved and accepted.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: But it's it's hard when you've been told that your
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: whole life you might have lost people like I've literally
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: lost friends from being too honest and too opinionated. Yea,
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: And definitely there's the other side of that where I
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: still need to learn and I'm practicing getting better at
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: holding better space and not just spitting out my opinion
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: straight away. That's in a sag a taranemy as well,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: learning to have a filter and finding the right time.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: But I also don't want to dim my light or
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: be scared to use my voice because I know it's
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: powerful and I know it can make positive impact. Yeah,
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: and people can still feel safe with that fire there too.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: It's all like a work in progress. Like you know,
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: we all have shows up in different ways for all
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: of us.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: You know, even for.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Me, I find that I feel stronger in my voice
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: now in certain areas, but then other certain areas I
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: feel not as strong.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: This is something we've spoken about before. In intimate relationships,
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: I can be more passive, but then in friendships and
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: other dynamics that can be very forward, very direct, very
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: straight to the point of what I want. But then
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: in intimate relationships it's an area of my life that
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: I'm still working on.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're all things come it shows where our wounds
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: are absolutely, yeah.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a work in progress. So even being able
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: to see how far I've come in that area, it's like, oh,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I can grow in this space. I don't always have
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: to be the way that I've always been, which was
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: that really nice girl, cool girlfriend. I wanted to be
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: the one that never had a problem, you know, and
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, she's the best.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: You love you boys love her.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like how it goes with the flow, Yeah,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: like having his friends be like, oh my god, she's
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: such a cool partner, like, you know, do whatever you want.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, like I get that, but also I don't
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: get that.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't want that.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: So so yeah, it's really freeing as a woman to
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: not have to limit yourself in hopes that other people
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: will like you. And I think that's the biggest lesson
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: of owning our too muchness, muchness, whatever you want to
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: call it, our bigness, because it is so liberating. It's
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: freeing when you actively connect with your voice, what you want,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: what you need, what you desire, what doesn't sit right
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: for you, things that you believe in, the things that
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: you advocate for. It is liberating. It lights of fire, literally,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: a feeling in your belly. Yeah, that goes, Oh my gosh,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: I can actually stand up for what I believe.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: In here Definitely what I want matters.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: What I say is important, My opinions matter. My voice
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: is like to be heard, and when you can meet
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: other people who can meet you in that, it is
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: the most freeing thing that you'll ever experience.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: So true. Even back to when I posted that lap
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: dance that I did with Steve and there was opposite opinions,
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: like some that loved it and some that didn't Yeah,
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: it's like the ones that didn't, I kind of hope
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: they unfollow because if they're not viving at all, they
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: judge or whatever. That's cool, like it's not for you. But
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I felt like it opened up more attracting more women
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: and more people that were on that same vibration as me.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm inspired by women who are really sexually embodied
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: and feel free to just be who they are, And
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: then it's cool that I could then help other women
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: be free of that as well. Yeah, you can't bring
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: more of those people in that. I'm super aligned with
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: what you're at. If you're not showing up, is that yourself?
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: And I love that you mentioned that too, because there's
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: always going to be people who don't like what you do.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what you do, doesn't matter what you say,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: it doesn't matter what you advocate for. It doesn't matter
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: what you believe in or how you choose to express yourself.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: There is always going to be one percent of people
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: who have something to say. Like I think the lesson,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, at least for me, has been how can
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: I stand true in what I believe in no matter
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: what people around me are saying?
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: You know, it's how unshakable.
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: A Yeah, it's like a cool.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: You can say whatever you want about me, But I
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: know who I am deep down, and I know how
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: I show up in the important moments. I know how
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: I treat the people that I love. I know how
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: I deal with conflict. I know that I can be
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: empathetic and considerate and kind and all the things, and
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: spicy too, But I know how I show up in
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: those important moments. So even if you come at me
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: on social media and you say something about my character,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: it doesn't fucking touch the side because I'm like, that's cool,
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: that's cool, but you don't know me. If you don't
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: have my phone number, you have no reason to judge me.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, they can judge me all they want, but it
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: doesn't touch a side, know what you mean?
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: You know?
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if I listen to one of those people and say,
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: oh my god, you shouldn't be dancing like this, okay,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: underscore Susie ninety three dot com, Like I'm going to
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: stop doing something that really makes me feel alive and
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: happy and connected to my body and myself and my
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: partner because you disapprove.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Or like you're so right just because I'm a mum,
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to wear something that makes me feel
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: sexy or liberate with myself or you know what, just
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: stop self pleasuring and having sex all together.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, put a lit on that.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: But if you're trying to be the nonchalant girl and
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: like you, maybe take that on board and go back
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: to being that good girl and trying to fit in
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: the box that everyone's told you you need to be.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: And no, thank you.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I love that point so much. All broken down and
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: you're trying to be the nonchalant girl, you will take
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: other people's feedback.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, over your EWE should do this? Yeah?
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: Oh my god? No, you know what, Maybe what they
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: said is more how I feel.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Mmm, that's not a life to have true happiness and
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: fulfillment in alignment. No way.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: At the end of the day, people are giving you
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: judgments based on what they think is right their.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Own experiences and traumas, but.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Based on what they want in life. Yes, what they
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: want is not what you want, So why does their
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: opinion matter?
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: Why does it matter? What do you actually want? How
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: do you want to feel? How do you want to
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: live your life?
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: The world will be a very boring place if we
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: all want it the same thing or all believe the
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: same thing. Yeah, I think it's cool that everyone does
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: life so differently.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I feel like you'll get more things in your
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: life when you're just willing to be more vocal and
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: stop being nonchalant. Yeah, a little mean, a little bitchy, like, yeah,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: bring the bread in, like I feel like, she just
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: gets shit done.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: And you can do that respectfully, respectfully. You can be
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: strong on your word and still say it respectfully.
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah, it's all about communication, practicing that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: Don't be scared of the fire that you have.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: No way is a superpower. Yeah, not many people have it. Yeah,
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: bet either people that you look up to on social
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: media or in your life, or even someone famous like
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: Tony Robins whatever, they have so much fucking fire. Yeah,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: and you're inspired and you're moved by that because they
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: are a trailblazer. They're like, get out of my way.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: This is what I believe, and I'm here to help
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: you if you want to be helped. If not, see,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I don't cat. You're not visible to me. You know,
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: everyone that you're inspired by that are doing massive things
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: have a huge fire in their belly and no one
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: could put that fire out.
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, they're unshakeable.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is how you uncover that fire.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, by being your full, true, big self.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, You've gotta give yourself permission to like blow the
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: lid off that though not dance around and tiptoe around
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: life and the girl tiptoe around the things that you want.
• 21:46
  Speaker 3: Fucking own it.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: It's not cool. It's not pretend to be the cool girl.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: It's really not.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: It's so two thousand and two that not anymore. Not
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: here and cheer rises. No, absolutely not.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: When you're coming into your bigness and you're coming into
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: a more powerful version of yourself, you're going to feel
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: when someone can hold you when someone can't. And in
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: my past relationship, I really felt like he couldn't hold
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: me in all of who I was, and I started
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: to feel like I had like a lid put on,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: or like a cap, like maybe like a rubber band
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: strapped around like my so to speak.
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: Wings.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: It felt like I was being restricted, and there were
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: things that he would do and say that made me
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: feel smaller in myself as a woman. And so I
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: think that the ways that you will notice, whether a friend, family, relative, coworker, partner,
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: will make you feel restricted in yourself is when they
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: start to like shut you down, or they pick apart
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: your ideas, or maybe when you are super excited about something,
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: they'll pick it apart and question it and like make.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: You feel like, oh, do you know what I mean?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Yes, Like, yeah, I don't know how else to explain it.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: That makes sense.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think those are cool things to look
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: at when you're kind of seeing who can hold you
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: and who can't. Is how restricted you either feel or
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: how expansive you feel when you're in their company.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Did you realize that in the relationship or until you
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: left then you went, oh, hindsight, wow, I felt really
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: restricted there.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: I only noticed it in hindsight. I didn't see it
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: at the time because I felt like I was in
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: my little love bubble, had like my rose colored glasses
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: on in my loft bubble, and so I didn't see
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: how I was feeling that way at the time.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: It wasn't until after I left the relationship.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: From the moment that I left, did I realize not
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: being around this person made me feel bigger. Not being
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: around this person made me feel a more expanded, more free,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: more liberated version of myself.
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know. It's interesting that.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Makes sense because I think it's hard to see sometimes
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: and in a relationship, you want to please them and
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: you want to respect them, and you want to make
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: sure they feel good and they feel happy, so you
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: feel like that's part of your responsibility. But then to
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: step away and be like, oh, but I could still
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: be loved while I was being all of myself. Oh
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: my god, he could just couldn't hold it. Absolutely, he
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: didn't approve it.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: And then you know what, Like it was a lot
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: of my own behavior in that relationship as well, because
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: I was the nonchalant girl in that relationship. But there
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: were so many things that I said that I was
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: okay with that I wasn't okay with that, I wasn't
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: willing to voice or stand behind because I was so
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: afraid of losing him. But in turn, I lost myself
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: in that relationship, completely lost myself, lost my spark, lost
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: my zest for life. Don't get me wrong, there were
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: some good things and things I learned about myself as
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: a woman, but it was more negative than it was positive.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: At the end, I was an anxious mess. I was
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: overly jealous, I was felt insecure, all the time, lost
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: my confidence and after spending like ten years building up
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: my confidence bomb, it was gone in a year and
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: a half, you know. And so this is why I
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: think I advocate so much for not being the nonchalant girl,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: because I refused to lose myself to anyone ever. Again.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's just not worth it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: No, it's not worth it.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: And you know, by me trying to be the nonchalant girl,
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: I was trying to align myself with someone's perfect vision
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: or what I thought that he wanted in a partner,
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: instead of actually being who I am, which means I
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: was trying to build a relationship based on something that
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: wasn't fucking aligned anyway, because real it was.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: No, it wasn't real.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't let him see the real version of me.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: And by doing that and pretending to be somebody that
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: he wanted me to be, or that I thought he
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: wanted me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: To be after you exhausted, was a false reality.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I created a false relationship based on someone who
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: doesn't exist.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Fuck that. I don't know.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: It's just it's to see in real time how that
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: can happen. And even as somebody who coaches confidence, how
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: I am still human?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: It can still happen exempt from it.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: No, not at all.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: This was part of my journey and part of my lesson.
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: And the interesting thing is that moment that I left
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: and I advocated for myself. In that moment, by leaving,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: I said to myself, I choose you me, I choose me.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: And from that moment, every single experience in my life
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: was about me advocating for what I wanted. You know what, No, Tiana,
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: We're not gonna squish this. You're gonna voice it.
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: Okay cool.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: The next person that I date, if this makes me upset,
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: I'm going to speak to it.
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: Okay cool.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: And then I started to build all this beautiful evidence
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: that I get rewarded when I speak up, when I
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: for what I want. When I voice the things that
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: I want, I get what I want, I get what
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: I need, I get open communication, I get more trust,
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: I get more connection and more depths with somebody like
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: which just what you're wanting, which is all I wanted.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: So it was all of these really beautiful pieces of
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: evidence beyond the fear of loss and rejection and abandonment.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I was like, but look at all these really beautiful
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: things that are happening instead, and then now the evidence
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: just gets bigger and bigger and bigger.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Maybe the right move.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Anyway, we went on a bit of a tangent, we did,
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: and we'd love it, and we love it. But it's
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: an important topic and we get it because we have
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: both been in that place and we both know what
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: it feels to feel disempowered at the hands of our
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: own and you just don't have to live that life.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: If you are living right now and you feel disempowered
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: or you feel like you're squashing your own voice or
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: silencing yourself, this is an opportunity for you to choose
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: from this moment onwards that you can advocate for yourself.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: If something bothers you, speak up about it. If something
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: you're seeing doesn't align, talk about it. Whatever it is
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: that you want. If there's something you need, want or desire,
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: absolutely be vocal about it.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it's a lonely in between stage when you
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: start to be your full self and be bigger and
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: speak your opinions. You may lead some people. As you
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: grow and evolve, you may lose some people, and they
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: can be a lonely transition period.
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, when that does happen, it's confirmation that you had
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: somebody in your life who wasn't meant to stay there
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: and you were just holding on for dear life out
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: of fear.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe the relationship wasn't what you thought it was either.
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: But if you're here and you're listening to this podcast,
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: you're also not somebody who wants to live by fear.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: You don't want to live scared, fearful, hopeful that people
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: won't leave. You want an expansive life. You want to
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: be lit up, you want to be like, have a
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: fire in your belly. You want to have connections that
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: literally make you cry of gratitude because you're so grateful
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: that you're doing life with these people. If you was that,
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: you have to be willing to let go of everything
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: that it is that you know and that is familiar
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: before you can have those things. That's the leap of faith,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Your cost of entry to the life that you want,
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: to the things that you want to the people you want,
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: is literally letting go of all the things that are
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: currently holding you back.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Definitely, and you don't have to do it alone either.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: Like it's been so good for us to find each other,
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: and we've got other women in our life who live
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: like this too, and it's so empowering and so fun
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: to be yourself and you know you can say anything
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: so unhinged and they're like, haha, me too, that's like, wow,
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: that was unhinged. I love it. Yeah, you know you're
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: not going to get canceled, no, or judged or left
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: because you've just said something so rogue. And that's all
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: we want to bring more of into Ashized community, whether
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: that's in our Facebook forum or when we meet you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: guys out in the street, or that's what. We want
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: to bring women together to be their biggest versions and
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: know that you're fully accepted and loved. And we actually
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: want more of.
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: It, absolutely more, We want more. But you know it's
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: funny too. I think next year is going to start
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: getting a little bit more rogue, and.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I think we've got some big episodes planned we do.
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: But or just naturally, we're becoming more and more row.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: We're not afraid to trigger people now. I think it
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: used to be scary at the start, definitely with some
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: topics like oh fuck, I don't know if we should
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: go that far.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe we should revisit that podcast episode we never
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: you guys, Oh you could hear this podcast episode you
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Would Die. The first thirty seconds is so polarizing.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is the sen't it. If you have
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: any questions about this too, just jump into ours she
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: rises Instagram. We're in there all the time, which are
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: the voice messaging so many of you girls having the
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: most amazing conversations. Would love to have you on board,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: so head to the she riises Instagram.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, we'll see you on the next one.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: See you tomorrow. Bye.