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Starting Over After Divorce: Helping Your Child Recover From Emotional Stress & Conflict · Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Divorce | Post Divorce Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Heartbreak and trauma may feel like the end of your story, but here it's the beginning of a bold new chapter.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Coach Deborah Griffiths, and this is the space where women rise, rebuild, and rediscover their purpose.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Remember this truth.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: You are bent not broken.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to this bonus coaching session of Bent Not Broken.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: After my conversation with Dr.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: David Marcus, I wanted to take a few extra moments to speak directly to those of you who are walking through divorce, co-parenting challenges, or the heartbreak of watching your children struggle in the middle of family conflict.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: This conversation was such an important reminder that divorce is never just a legal event, it's an emotional experience.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And for children, it can feel confusing, scary, and overwhelming when the adults around them are hurting too.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most powerful things Dr.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Marcus shared was the idea of becoming a soothing presence for your child.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let that sink in.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: A soothing presence means being the person who can stay grounded when your child is not okay.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: It means creating emotional safety even when your own heart feels bruised.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: It means helping your child borrow your calm until they can begin to build their own.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know what some of you may be thinking.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Deborah, how am I supposed to be calm when I'm the one being attacked, misunderstood, drained, or even alienated?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that is such a real question.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Being the safe parent does not mean you are never angry.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It does not mean you are never exhausted.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it certainly does not mean what happened to you was acceptable.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: What it does mean is that you make a decision not to let your child carry the emotional weight of the adult conflict.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: That is a powerful act of love.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to give you three coaching reminders.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, your child needs safety more than explanations.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Many parents feel pressured to explain everything.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: They want their child to understand what happened, who caused what, and why life has changed.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: But children do not need every adult detail.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: What they need most is reassurance.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: They need to know I love you.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is not your fault.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: You are safe.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Both parents' problems are not yours to carry.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: The more conflict children are exposed to, the more likely they are to feel divided inside.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So your role is not to convince them.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: Your role is to create emotional steadiness.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, regulate yourself before you respond.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is hard, especially if you're dealing with a high conflict, legal stress, or parental alienation.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: But your healing matters here.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: If you are flooded, triggered, or enraged, pause before speaking.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Take a breath, take a walk, journal, pray, call your therapist, call your say friend.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do what you need to do so your child is not receiving your pain as their responsibility.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Your child should not become your counselor.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your child should not become your messenger.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: And your child should not have to choose sides to keep the peace.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Number three, consistency builds trust.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: You may not be able to control the other parent's behavior, but you can control the emotional environment in your home.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Be consistent.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Be calm when you can.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Be honest without oversharing.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Be the parent who listens.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Be the parent who makes space for feelings.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And be the parent who says, tell me more.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Children may not always have the words for what they feel, but they remember how safe they felt with you.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: And for those of you who are experiencing parental alienation, I want to say this gently but clearly.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Do not give up.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Keep showing up with love.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Keep telling the truth calmly.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Keep being steady.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Keep being safe.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Time is a way of revealing what manipulation tries to hide.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your child may not understand everything today, but your consistency matters more than you know.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So here is your reflection question for this bonus session.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: How can I become a more soothing presence for my child this week?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it means listening more and reacting less.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it means not speaking negatively about your ex in front of your child.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it means creating a new bedtime routine, a weekly check-in, or simply asking better questions.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Small shifts create safe spaces.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And safe spaces help children heal.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me for this bonus coaching session of Bent Not Broken.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode had encouraged you, please share it with someone who may need it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, even in hard transitions, you can still become the steady place your child needs most.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, keep healing, keep growing, and keep choosing boldness.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to today's episode of Bent Not Broken.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that this episode reminded you that even through life's toughest moments, you are bent, not broken.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: If this message inspired you, please share, rate, review, and subscribe, as it helps us reach more women who are ready to rise and rebuild.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, keep living bold and walking in your purpose.