Latest / Libido Lounge / How to Be a Multi-Orgasmic Man (Without Ejaculating) with Matt Sturn
Transcript
- 0:00And one of my challenges was I wouldn't last very long, in sex.
- 0:06I would last five minutes, maybe ten minutes.
- 0:08When I was growing up, I was watching porn, and I was kind of like quiet and I didn't wanna get
- 0:15caught and so I would masturbate as quickly as possible.
- 0:19And I was training my body, my arousal system, my nervous system to get erect and then come
- 0:26quickly and then be done.
- 0:28Right?
- 0:28Yeah.
- 0:29We wanna retrain that pattern.
- 0:31Not everybody has that, but we wanna retrain it so we can hang out aroused for as long as we
- 0:35want.
- 0:43I can have this energetic peak of pleasure that does not have to have anything to do with my
- 0:51cock rhythmically pumping and ejecting fluid.
- 0:56Once I get the energetic peak, I can have those again and again and again, the same way similar
- 1:01to how women's arousal can work, where women can have orgasm after orgasm.
- 1:05Men, we can learn this too.
- 1:07So that's pretty cool.
- 1:08A scale from zero to 10.
- 1:10Where zero is no arousal and 10 is peak orgasm.
- 1:15We wanna find five to seven on the arousal range.
- 1:20So five is high enough that you're not going to slip into not being aroused anymore.
- 1:25Seven is far enough below the top that there's a safe buffer in case there's a wave and you
- 1:31don't spill over.
- 1:32Slowly, slowly, I started to feel energy in my body and it was like, woah, this is a real
- 1:37thing.
- 1:38In my book, I lay out five steps to orgasmic mastery and the first step is one of the
- 1:44benefits for men when you get this is you have more focus and energy.
- 1:48But also the sex levels up in ways that I could not have comprehended.
- 2:01Hey, Matt.
- 2:01Welcome to the Livedo Lounge.
- 2:03I'm so excited you are here.
- 2:05Tell us a little bit about yourself and about how you got into the world of supporting the
- 2:10masculine and helping men with non ejaculatory orgasms.
- 2:15Awesome, Diane.
- 2:16Thanks so much for having me.
- 2:17I'm stoked to be here.
- 2:19I coach men around sexuality, and I do a lot of work around masculinity.
- 2:24It's one of the big passions in my life.
- 2:26I'm also trained as a somatic therapist, so I bring, like, more of a trauma informed and
- 2:32attachment informed approach to this method.
- 2:36For me personally, learning non ejaculatory orgasms was, a, one of the most challenging
- 2:43things I've ever done, and, b, one of the most rewarding things.
- 2:46It completely changed my life, not just in terms of having better sex, but how I showed up
- 2:51as a man.
- 2:52And so I'm super passionate about sharing these practices and helping other men, supporting
- 2:59other men to make the same journey because it's a big one.
- 3:03This is huge.
- 3:04This is so huge, everybody.
- 3:06We are gonna have, I think, the most one of the most deep discussions on this show around men
- 3:11that we have had to date because, you know, it's a common thing.
- 3:16Right?
- 3:16When, like, I think when I have mentioned this to men, this conversation around non
- 3:19ejaculatory orgasms, I think a lot of men, for one, are are like, I can even do that?
- 3:24Like, that's even possible?
- 3:27Right?
- 3:27Mhmm.
- 3:28So we're gonna talk about a lot of things today.
- 3:30We're gonna talk about techniques.
- 3:32We're gonna talk about your story.
- 3:33We're gonna talk about what even is a non ejaculatory orgasm.
- 3:37Like, how does that even feel?
- 3:38Is it same feeling as a good orgasm as a regular orgasm, or is it a I should say
- 3:42regular.
- 3:43Is it an ejaculatory orgasm?
- 3:45So I know you said that, like, it's really one of things you had said is it really helped you
- 3:50show up differently as a man.
- 3:53So tell tell us a little bit about your journey.
- 3:55Like, prior to even learning what you're gonna teach and talk about today, prior to even you
- 4:00know, writing this great book that we're gonna talk about today that you just published and
- 4:04released prior to any of this, how did you even begin to even learn about this concept, and
- 4:10what was your process to say, yes, this is important to me.
- 4:14I've got to learn how to do this.
- 4:17Yeah.
- 4:17Great.
- 4:18So my path is I was a pretty average guy.
- 4:22I had a corporate job.
- 4:25Sex was something that I cared about but wasn't particularly good at.
- 4:29I didn't really have a bunch of tools or support, kind of average.
- 4:34You know?
- 4:34I struggled with a lot of shame from my Catholic upbringing.
- 4:37I had a little bit of sexual trauma in my past.
- 4:41So, anyway, I took a gap year off from my job, and I went traveling and volunteering around
- 4:45Asia.
- 4:47And, randomly, my partner and I ended up at a tantra retreat in Thailand.
- 4:52We didn't know anything about it.
- 4:54We just showed up, and we were really struggling with our sex life.
- 4:58We were not meeting each other.
- 5:00We were trying.
- 5:01It was like butting heads in crisis mode, to the point where we thought we were gonna break
- 5:07up.
- 5:08And then we roll into this retreat, and here are all these humans who are investing in their
- 5:14sexuality.
- 5:16There's all these tools and practices, and there's a whole different framework than what I
- 5:21grew up with, the idea that our sexuality is sacred and that these bodies are holy and that
- 5:27we wanna welcome our desires as part of our life force energy that flows through us.
- 5:32And all of this for me, like, decade ago was just like click, click, click.
- 5:36Wow.
- 5:37Wow.
- 5:38And most importantly, it was like, okay.
- 5:40I'm gonna take these practices, and I'm gonna start using them.
- 5:44And one of my challenges was I wouldn't last very long, in sex.
- 5:49I would last five minutes, maybe ten minutes.
- 5:52And so they were like, well, slow down, breathe, feel your body.
- 5:58And the first time we like, very simple.
- 6:00And the first time we tried this, I had sex with my partner for forty five minutes, and and
- 6:03both of us were crying at the end.
- 6:05We're like, oh my god.
- 6:06I can't believe this is happening.
- 6:09And for me, it was a reorientation around sex just being what my body did to starting to have
- 6:15some sovereign choice around how I show up sexually.
- 6:20So that's where I got my start.
- 6:22And then I was in.
- 6:23I was enrolled, and I was like, they were teaching yoga.
- 6:27Oh, yoga is not just a stretching fad.
- 6:30It's actually, like, a practice that will support me to have better sex.
- 6:34Sweet.
- 6:34I'm in.
- 6:35That's awesome.
- 6:37And then my partner and I started having a daily sexual practice where we really focused.
- 6:42We had the time and space in our lives to go deep with each other.
- 6:46And in making it a practice, I was able to retrain my arousal response, my nervous system,
- 6:53and my whole body.
- 6:54And we talk about orgasm being energy.
- 6:57At the beginning, I was like, I don't get energy.
- 6:59I'm a I'm a mathematician.
- 7:00That was what my college degree was.
- 7:02I don't understand energy because you can't measure it.
- 7:05Slowly, slowly, I started to feel energy in my body, and it was like, woah.
- 7:09This is a real thing.
- 7:11And I can start to work with it.
- 7:13And, wow, some really awesome results happen, not only for my partner, she was, like, stoked,
- 7:19but also for me, so much started to unlock in my body.
- 7:23So that's what got me on the path, And then that passion has just carried forward.
- 7:27Once I learned it, I was like, okay, people need to know about this.
- 7:31I love it.
- 7:31And I love the the experience of you know, just like the experiencing energy for the first
- 7:36time.
- 7:36One of my Mhmm.
- 7:38Doctorates is in acupuncture and oriental medicine.
- 7:41So while I have studied a little tantra, not a lot, I'm definitely not a deep tantra person,
- 7:47I've studied qigong for a couple decades, which is a different version of movement of energy.
- 7:55And that first time, I remember feeling, like, truly how we'd how how I would define it at
- 8:00least after all these years of study.
- 8:03And, like like, realize it's real.
- 8:05Right?
- 8:05Realize this thing that we can't actually see, right, is actually very real and that we can
- 8:10utilize this to help ourselves feel better, to feel more relaxed, or to feel more energized,
- 8:16and then to tie that into sex.
- 8:18I just I think it these types of processes really show us the innate capacity of the human
- 8:24body to not only heal, but to, like, show up present, fully, fully, fully present.
- 8:29I think we go through, like, some of your when I'm listening to your story, it's made me think
- 8:33that, like, the way we go through sex, right, as humans so many times is just this almost,
- 8:38like, unilateral.
- 8:40I'm in this one zone.
- 8:42This is my zone, and I stay in my zone, and that's what I do.
- 8:45And your, you know, your story is like opening up so much around, like, the capacity of the of
- 8:51the human to experience so many more sensations and so many more so much more pleasure if we
- 8:57start opening up, like, our our zone or approach beyond this, like, very linear
- 9:02direction.
- 9:03Absolutely.
- 9:05Yeah.
- 9:06So one of the places where I love to start this conversation is around orgasm versus
- 9:10ejaculation.
- 9:11Like,
- 9:12Sure.
- 9:12Let's do it.
- 9:13From the very beginning is orgasm for me is the pleasurable pleasurable sensations that I'm
- 9:19having in my body, and I would say it's a subtle energy sensation.
- 9:24And then ejaculation is the biological process, the physiological process of pumping sperm out
- 9:29of the penis.
- 9:31And in all of the porn that I ever watched growing up, in all of the pop culture, in every
- 9:37conversation I ever had, it was just assumed that they went together.
- 9:41That was one phenomenon.
- 9:44Right.
- 9:44And so the first step is just to, like, conceptually be like, okay.
- 9:50I can have this energetic peak of pleasure that does not have to have anything to do with my
- 9:57cock rhythmically pumping and ejecting, fluid.
- 10:03That we wanna learn how to split those.
- 10:05And then once I get the energetic peak, I can have those again and again and again, the same
- 10:10way similar to how women's arousal can work, where women can have orgasm after orgasm.
- 10:15Men, we can learn this too.
- 10:17So that's pretty cool.
- 10:18Yeah.
- 10:20The multi orgasmic man.
- 10:22Mhmm.
- 10:23Right.
- 10:25Okay.
- 10:26Beautiful.
- 10:26So then from that standpoint so now we've, like, helped people understand this.
- 10:32Right?
- 10:32Now we've helped people understand that this is not necessarily one and the same, that are
- 10:37these two separate processes.
- 10:40I think probably one of the things that comes up probably commonly for men, right, is, well,
- 10:45how do I control that?
- 10:47Right?
- 10:47How do I begin, like you know, once I, like, start feeling pleasure, how do I begin to
- 10:53control this?
- 10:53And I know you and I talked offline about the concept of edging, right, and that being one of
- 10:59the ways potentially to control this, to say, hey, I'm gonna feel pleasure, but not actually
- 11:05take it all the way to, like, ejaculation.
- 11:08But that still doesn't, you know, tell me, like like, where, from a standpoint of control, how
- 11:14do I prevent or how does a man prevent
- 11:17Mhmm.
- 11:18Actually going all the way to ejaculation and just experiencing the pleasure and the the
- 11:23subtle sensations that orgasm allows?
- 11:26That's such a great question.
- 11:28And in my book, I lay out five steps to, orgasmic mastery, and the first step is arousal
- 11:34control.
- 11:35I don't know if you know that, but control is, like, where we begin.
- 11:39So I start everybody who I work with.
- 11:43And for me personally, the last decade I've been doing this, I have a daily self pleasure
- 11:47practice.
- 11:48Mhmm.
- 11:48And that self pleasure practice is my opportunity to feel pleasure in my body, to
- 11:54give the opportunity for arousal to be here and orgasm to be here, but it's not a goal oriented
- 11:59practice.
- 12:00It's just I'm breathing deeply, connecting with my body every day.
- 12:04And this is a solo practice.
- 12:05Correct?
- 12:06Solo practice, for me to be with me.
- 12:10And then whatever yummy goodness you know, if I have a partner right now, I have a partner.
- 12:14I get to bring that to her.
- 12:16But it's it's really about cultivating it in myself.
- 12:20So the first step, arousal control for my process, if you could imagine that a scale from
- 12:28zero to 10, where zero is no arousal and 10 is peak orgasm Yeah.
- 12:34We wanna find five to seven on the arousal range.
- 12:38So five is high enough that you're not going to slip into not being aroused anymore.
- 12:44Seven is far enough below the top that there's a safe buffer in case there's a wave and you
- 12:50don't spill over.
- 12:51Mhmm.
- 12:52So for most of us, like, the five to seven range, we call it kinda call it flyover
- 12:56territory.
- 12:57We just wanna cruise right past that to get to the yummier stuff.
- 13:00Feeling yummy.
- 13:01We want it to feel yummier.
- 13:02Right?
- 13:03But, actually, there's a really rich playground in the five to seven range.
- 13:08And then learning how to hang out there And if you can hang out there you know, I've tested
- 13:13this.
- 13:14You can go hours being aroused and just be in that zone.
- 13:19Right?
- 13:20So when I was growing up, I was watching porn, and I was kind of, like, quiet.
- 13:26I didn't wanna get caught, and so I would masturbate as quickly as possible.
- 13:31And I was training my body, my arousal system, my nervous system to get erect and then come
- 13:38quickly and then be done.
- 13:40Right?
- 13:40Yeah.
- 13:41We wanna retrain that pattern.
- 13:43Not everybody has that, but we wanna retrain it so we can hang out aroused for as long as we
- 13:47want.
- 13:49So that's, like, the first practice is just touch your body, breathe deeply, feel pleasure,
- 13:54hang out in that five to seven band.
- 13:57So a couple questions from that.
- 13:59So one, do you feel then when we're talking about, say, this pleasure practice, right, and
- 14:05we're talking about masturbation, do you feel then that people and I think this is a common
- 14:10practice, right, where people's masturbation practice looks generally the same.
- 14:14Like, you know, usually from what I've seen in studies, women tend to have their range of a
- 14:19few different ways they masturbate, but it's like it's like in this narrow range, and and
- 14:23men often too.
- 14:24And so and it does, you know, typically look for people with masturbation.
- 14:29Most commonly, it's like it's to get the orgasm job done.
- 14:33Right?
- 14:33It's like we're here.
- 14:34We're here for remission, and it's very, very short.
- 14:38Do you feel then with what you've seen in in your research and your work that when we are
- 14:45masturbating in this way, are we then setting ourselves up where this arousal length, it's
- 14:51harder to achieve that arousal length with a partner.
- 14:56Completely.
- 14:57So if I only touch myself one specific way for my pleasure, and then if my partner doesn't
- 15:03touch me in that one specific way, I may not get aroused.
- 15:08And I've spoken to like, I've had this experience myself personally, but I've also
- 15:12coached other men where they're like, I have erectile dysfunction.
- 15:16Well, in what cases, you know, with with your partner, but on your own, you don't.
- 15:21And so you're touching yourself in one way, but your partner's not doing that.
- 15:24There's the disconnect right there.
- 15:27So in your self pleasure practice, expand your range.
- 15:31We are capable of so many different flavors of pleasure from the lightest little tickling
- 15:38teasing touch to, like, rough grabbing to scratching and pulling.
- 15:44Get into the full expression of what your body can do, and that's going to allow you to bring
- 15:50that into your lovemaking with your partner.
- 15:53Completely agree.
- 15:54Okay.
- 15:55So my second question so that clears that up.
- 15:57Then my second question for you is when we're thinking about this scale, right, this this
- 16:03Mhmm.
- 16:0310 scale, and we're saying five to seven is kind of this really lovely zone that gets
- 16:09passed over, I've seen situations where it's helpful, and I'm like, all sit almost all
- 16:16situations, I feel like communication is really important.
- 16:18But I've seen situations where couples have experimented with things such as saying, like,
- 16:22okay.
- 16:22I'm at a five.
- 16:23I'm at a seven.
- 16:24Like, do you bring in some of the work that you do, like, with partner play, like, with this
- 16:29scale where a partner can be like, okay.
- 16:31This is where I'm at.
- 16:32Here's where I'm at on the scale, and then utilize that to almost inform the partner so it
- 16:38becomes less of a, you know, say, unilateral process where, like, say, the man is holding
- 16:44his pleasure in the five to seven and more of a combined process that we get to experience
- 16:49together where the they're getting feedback, and maybe the woman's even changing what she's
- 16:53doing to help hold him in the five to seven.
- 16:56Is that part of it as well?
- 16:57Completely.
- 16:59I'm so happy that you're speaking to this point.
- 17:01Communication.
- 17:02So if you decide to take this practice on, it's a big undertaking as a guy for most of us.
- 17:09It takes a lot of discipline, a lot of control, and a lot of practice.
- 17:13If you have a partner, you need to tell your partner, hey.
- 17:18I wanna learn this thing, and you need to enroll your partner in this process together
- 17:22with you.
- 17:22You both have to be on the same page.
- 17:25And there's gonna be a a phase of, like, kind of learning how to drive a stick shift vehicle
- 17:30for the first time where we're rewiring everything.
- 17:33Like, oh, well, stop.
- 17:34Okay.
- 17:34Now go.
- 17:35Oh, alright.
- 17:36And so it can be a little bit awkward to stay in that zone.
- 17:39If your partner doesn't know that you're trying to do this, it can be hurtful for your like,
- 17:45emotionally hurtful, or your partner may not feel your full energy coming in in the same
- 17:49way.
- 17:49And so, yeah, you it's essential in my book to have that conversation.
- 17:54And then if your partner is on board to be like, yeah, I wanna, like, play in this zone
- 18:00with you, and I wanna learn this practice with you, then great.
- 18:03That is actually the key to success.
- 18:06Okay.
- 18:07So this is really exciting, and I think one of the things that I can feel that people might be
- 18:13thinking about, right, because it's so common to hear this and be like, well, this sounds
- 18:17great.
- 18:17This sounds like I could provide more pleasure for my partner and I could last longer, I think
- 18:22those are probably conclusions people are already getting up getting from our
- 18:25conversation.
- 18:27Mhmm.
- 18:27That being said, I know there's so many other benefits, and I find that as humans, most of
- 18:33the time when we know that, like, what the benefits are and what, you know, what the the
- 18:38purpose is and all of the purpose is, it can become a higher level of interesting to say,
- 18:43yeah.
- 18:43This is, like you said, this is a practice.
- 18:46This will take time.
- 18:47So I think going through and understanding some more of the benefits could really help people
- 18:51understand, like, oh, yeah.
- 18:52This is actually, you know, worth it for them and for their, you know, their partner to put
- 18:56this energy into it because it is a process.
- 18:59So so tell us a little bit more about, like, since, you know, you've been doing this, since
- 19:03you've coached others Mhmm.
- 19:04In this, what are you seeing from a benefit standpoint?
- 19:08Right.
- 19:09Okay.
- 19:09So first little tidbit, a very interesting data point.
- 19:13A few years back, I got interested in talking to women whose partners had learned this skill.
- 19:18And I was like, what's the best part of your man having this practice?
- 19:23And I was surprised, but then it made complete sense that almost unilaterally what I heard
- 19:29back is there's no more agenda around ejaculation during sex.
- 19:35There's not that pressure Nice.
- 19:37Have the goal.
- 19:38Right.
- 19:39Yeah.
- 19:40Yeah.
- 19:40And I I talk about that a lot in my work too around, like, we gotta take this this goal off
- 19:45the table.
- 19:45This goalpost really brings us out of the present moment, but I hadn't thought about that
- 19:50in terms of this non ejaculatory orgasm, that that completely changes that whole mindset from
- 19:57that standpoint.
- 19:59Completely changes it.
- 20:00Right.
- 20:01So that's the feedback I got from partners on the other side of it.
- 20:05I have talked to many, many men who have gone through this initiation, and this is true for
- 20:11me.
- 20:12The biggest thing was actually that I wasn't expelling my life force through my semen, and
- 20:20that gave me an incredible amount of energy and focus.
- 20:26It was like this fog lifted from my system, and I could see clearly.
- 20:30And I would wake up every morning, and I would know what to do, and I would go do it.
- 20:34And when I'm ejaculating, there's amount an amount of life force energy that gets given
- 20:40away that then my body has to replenish.
- 20:44Yeah.
- 20:44And because I started masturbating when I was in fifth grade, you know, however 12 years old,
- 20:50something like that, I had no baseline.
- 20:52And I, you know, I would masturbate once a day for all the way through to my late twenties, so
- 20:57I did not know what this was costing me.
- 21:00And then once I stopped, it was actually like, oh, wow.
- 21:03How do I even deal with all of the energy that I now have available?
- 21:07The vitality that's flowing through my system.
- 21:10And this is how we this is, like, how our bodies naturally operate when we're not
- 21:14expending that energy.
- 21:17Yeah.
- 21:17In in Chinese medicine, we call that jing.
- 21:19I I imagine you know Sure.
- 21:21Jing as the term.
- 21:22So life force.
- 21:23And we talk a lot about that.
- 21:24Right?
- 21:24That there's a certain, like, essence that we come into this world within.
- 21:28There's almost this this this lack of ability to, say, regenerate some level of this,
- 21:35especially for men according to some of the theories.
- 21:39So my question for you is this, because another thing that I've seen in with men, and I'll
- 21:45bring up my partner here, is that there are certain times where it's like there can be all
- 21:50of this this energy and this intensity.
- 21:52My my partner's a really, really amazingly like, I love he's masculinely intense in, like,
- 21:58the best way.
- 21:58And sometimes when he is, like, working really hard and pushing real hard, this intensity kind
- 22:05of, like, builds up, and he's really good at holding it in.
- 22:09And the process of ejaculation and he's very he knows how to edge, and he knows how to do all
- 22:14so we can have these long, like, three hour lovemaking sessions.
- 22:17Mhmm.
- 22:17So he's gotten that down, but this process of this not this not ejaculating like, what I
- 22:23think about him is, like, after in these times where it's like, oh my gosh, like, just needing
- 22:27that release and needing to to almost, like, take, say, some of that yang energy down and to
- 22:33ground it, it's really healing for him, the ejaculation process.
- 22:39So Yeah.
- 22:40You know, so I wanted to bring that into this conversation around.
- 22:43So so the question is then, like, when like, do you find then with these these non ejaculatory
- 22:48orgasms, like, they're still, like, really important health benefits to the orgasm itself?
- 22:54And if so, then where are you seeing, the the timing is, like or the the reasons to say, hey.
- 23:02This time I'm gonna do these practices, do my arousal lengthening practice, do all these
- 23:07different things, the five step process of your book, to to at least get to that pleasure zone
- 23:13so it lasts longer, so I can have a longer lovemaking session.
- 23:17So where do you see it's like, okay.
- 23:18We have a longer lovemaking session, and, yeah, it's it's gonna be time to orgasm without
- 23:23ejaculating versus, hey.
- 23:26Now is actually a really good time to orgasm with ejaculating.
- 23:30You understand that question?
- 23:31I completely understand the question.
- 23:34So the idea with these practices, the phrase I like to use is ejaculatory choice.
- 23:39Mhmm.
- 23:40So rather than the the ejaculation being the unconscious drive for me into sex and then it's
- 23:47kind of owning my behavior, I get to be really consciously and intentional in how I do that.
- 23:56As I've talked to men, I've been astounded by how different, how unique each person's sexual
- 24:02system is.
- 24:04So I share these are the practices that work for me, and I invite men to be a scientist with
- 24:10their body and their system to explore.
- 24:12Yeah.
- 24:13I love that phrase.
- 24:15Yeah.
- 24:15Totally.
- 24:16So I have gone over a year without ejaculating.
- 24:20Mhmm.
- 24:21It and to be specific here, it's not I wasn't sexual.
- 24:25It was I was in my self pleasure practice, and I was connecting with other people.
- 24:29So I was stimulating my arousal the whole time and not ejaculating.
- 24:34And I went over a year.
- 24:35My body felt great.
- 24:36You know, there's an adjustment period.
- 24:38I've also been in a period where once a month, when my partner was on her moon, I would share
- 24:45my semen, and it was a beautiful, like, deep, like, shamanic, powerful ceremony that we did.
- 24:51And it would cost me something.
- 24:53I would feel like, okay.
- 24:54I'm giving my life force, and I'm dedicating it into my relationship here.
- 24:59So there's not a right.
- 25:00There's not a wrong.
- 25:01It's feel into where this lands for you and try a bunch of different things.
- 25:07There's one other piece that I want to share here, which is important for me.
- 25:11I have looked at the academic research around prostate health.
- 25:15Mhmm.
- 25:16And as far as I can tell, there's not a consensus around ejaculatory frequency with
- 25:22prostate health.
- 25:23Some articles say, yes.
- 25:25You should ejaculate more and clean out the system.
- 25:28Other articles say, no.
- 25:29It doesn't make a difference.
- 25:30And so I haven't been able to find any consensus on this.
- 25:34And without that consensus, it's just stay with what feels right for your body.
- 25:39Yeah.
- 25:39Sadly, I think there's so many things in the sexual health world that we just don't have the
- 25:45number of studies we need and the clarity on these studies to really form form a consensus.
- 25:50And I do agree that with any of these things, it's like we have to follow our own body and
- 25:55our own feeling.
- 25:56Mhmm.
- 25:57Mhmm.
- 25:57So it sounds like, like the for your own personal experience, when you actually, after
- 26:03going this period and not ejaculating and then coming back and deciding that you were going to
- 26:08ejaculate just in this very, very special sweet moment with your partner when she was on her
- 26:13moon.
- 26:14So in this scenario, like, does she like, I'm curious, and if it's too, like, personal for
- 26:19her, I wanna, you know, obviously respect her space.
- 26:21I'm curious I'm curious, though, if she's shared with you, and this feels, appropriate to
- 26:26share when she like, if she has, like, noticed anything different from her experience saying,
- 26:32like, okay.
- 26:33This has not happened.
- 26:34And then this one sacred time a month that this is, you know, this is gonna be the way that you
- 26:39guys share this energy.
- 26:40Does has she noticed anything in particular there?
- 26:45So this was a few years ago with a a former partner, and what I can share is that it was
- 26:51really powerful for both of us.
- 26:54Like, when we were doing it, it's vulnerable and meaningful, and and there's, like, some
- 27:01alchemy that happens on the the body substance level when we connect it in that way.
- 27:07And it for me, it took my bond deeper with her.
- 27:13Yeah.
- 27:13It was amazing.
- 27:16And offering you know, it's it's not just offering my seed.
- 27:19I'm offering my life force, and I'm dedicating it into the connection of our relationship.
- 27:25And that's just, like, ugh, melts my heart.
- 27:28It's such a beautiful way to be in devotion.
- 27:30Yeah.
- 27:31There's so much, yeah, I think spiritual, mental, emotional, and obviously physical, but
- 27:36it's like it brings a level of closeness that is way way more than just, like, one levels one
- 27:42level of closeness.
- 27:44Totally.
- 27:46I've also done a practice of offering, like, going outside into nature and offering my seed
- 27:55to the land.
- 27:57Mhmm.
- 27:57And that's a super cool way to connect with the the natural world.
- 28:03And we we you know, our culture, we suffer from a disconnection from nature, and that practice
- 28:08really brought me in deep.
- 28:09So it opened the door for for more ways for me to be intentional with my body and my
- 28:15sexuality, which has been pretty cool.
- 28:17Yeah.
- 28:17I've known quite a few females over the years that have done that with their menstrual blood.
- 28:22So it's, and that can be oftentimes in the feminine a a way of creating, like, ceremony
- 28:28and connection and just kinda recentering with the earth and any intentions and, yeah, just
- 28:34just creating that almost more alignment with with nature and the world around us.
- 28:40And I think it's like, you know, in Chinese medicine, we talk a lot about, like, the
- 28:44microcosm and the macrocosm and that the macrocosm's nature and the world is all these
- 28:49things around us and that the same types of energy that we see and the wood growing strong
- 28:54in the earth and the way the rivers cut through the forest and all these things, the the the
- 29:00movement and the the energy behind these things we actually have in our body.
- 29:04So I think those kind of practices bring us back to, you know, the
- 29:08Absolutely.
- 29:09I agree.
- 29:11I wanna circle back around to the benefits because I said the one of the benefits for men
- 29:15when you get this is you have more focus and energy.
- 29:18But, also, the sex levels up in ways that I could not have comprehended.
- 29:24Having orgasm after orgasm after orgasm is super cool.
- 29:30Getting into extended rolling orgasmic states, having the orgasm move through different energy
- 29:37centers in the body, in particular, when you bring it to the crown, there's, like, profound
- 29:42mystical experiences that can open up through this.
- 29:45And it really it was eye opening for me in terms of, my spiritual path.
- 29:51Like, wow.
- 29:52This is available to me.
- 29:54This is the second book in the series.
- 29:57So these are workbooks on masculinity, and, they correspond to different archetypes.
- 30:05So the first book was called the organic masculine, and it's on the archetype of the
- 30:08magician.
- 30:09This book just published, and it's on the archetype of the warrior.
- 30:14It it's a big book.
- 30:16It covers a lot of information.
- 30:19One of as I was going through what I wanted to share and where it belonged in which book, I at
- 30:26first, I put the non ejaculatory orgasm practice in the lover, which will be my next
- 30:30book.
- 30:31And then I realized that it was actually my warrior with my dedication and my focus who
- 30:36taught me how to get this practice, and then the lover was more of my relational realm.
- 30:43So the job of the warrior is to integrate our primal drives.
- 30:49And in this book, I talk about violence and aggression and then sexuality.
- 30:53We wanna integrate those so that we can choose how to use them in our lives for good, and
- 31:00that's the the core component.
- 31:01So I spend a good chunk of time giving all of the yoga, meditation, breath work, self
- 31:07pleasure practices for non ejaculatory orgasm, and then I do a whole other exploration around
- 31:12male violence And why is it that men are causing most of the violence in the world
- 31:16today, and what can we do about that?
- 31:21Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
- 31:24Please don't keep me a secret.
- 31:25Please share this with your friends.
- 31:27You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, as well as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.