Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 297. Two months single, 26 years apart, and falling harder every week: Is this real or is it a rebound?

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297. Two months single, 26 years apart, and falling harder every week: Is this real or is it a rebound? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I need your advice.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Are you okay? What happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much?
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Bring it in.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Welcome to our bestie segment. This is the place for you.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Hello and welcome back to another episode of our Besties segment.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Now this is where you bring in your anonymous submissions
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: and we love to have these deep conversations because it
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: brings in real life situations that people go through. Some
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: of them from one extreme to the other and one
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: sticky situation to another and I think it's a really
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: cool thing that we get to bring this in here
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: and create a lot of space for the conversations that
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: don't really get had in everyday life. So, Ashi, what
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: have we got for today?
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: All righty. The title is Two Months Single, 26 Years
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Apart and Falling Harder Every Week. Is this real or
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: is it a rebound? Oh, this is going to be juicy. Hey,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Ashi and Tiana, I love you both. I need some advice.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I'm 29 years old and I like my boss who
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: is 55 years old. I've just recently, two months ago,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: separated from my boyfriend of four years. Not a messy breakup,
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: but a hard one as we both lost ourselves and
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: fell out of love. My boss started at work about
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: six months ago and ever since I saw him, I
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: thought he was attractive. We would just talk in the office,
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: have a laugh and occasionally we would text, but nothing crazy,
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  Speaker 2: just on a friendship level. However, the more I got
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: to know him, the more I liked him. He knows this.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: It's also reciprocated the feelings back. He's giving me everything
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I thought I didn't need from a previous relationship. I'm
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: developing feelings for him. We've hung out a few times
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: and now we've slept together. The more time we spend together,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: the more I'm developing feelings for him. We even talked
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: about kids and if he'd want them, which he said
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: he'd be open to it. I do genuinely like everything
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: about him. And honestly, it's the best sex I've ever had.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Sexual chemistry is something I've always struggled with in relationships,
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  Speaker 2: but we seem to just work together. He's also very sweet, caring,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: treats me like an actual princess, and there's no red
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  Speaker 2: flags at all so far. The only thing I keep
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: coming back to is the age gap. Sometimes it bothers
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: me when I think about it further and to think
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have as much time with him because of
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: his age, and other times it doesn't bother me at
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: all because of how I feel when I'm around him.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I need your help and advice about the age gap, couples,
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: and how to get past the 26-year difference. Also, how
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: do I know that this isn't just a rebound? I'm
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: also scared of all the judgment from my friends, family,
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: and work colleagues if they ever found out. Thank you
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: so much. I appreciate you both. Oh, it's tricky, isn't it?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: That's a tough one.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: I think everyone's going to have really mixed feelings about this.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I think so too. But look at Gigi and Bradley Cooper.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: They look very happy. Very true. And very cute. I
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I think age gaps are a personal preference. Yeah. It's
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: a personal preference. Because at the end of the day,
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  Speaker 1: like you're the one who is, let's say for argument's sake,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: you guys get together and end up in a relationship.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you two are the only ones who have to really
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  Speaker 1: navigate the age gap.
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  Speaker 2: Exactly. No one else's business.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: That's right. If you can oversee that and it's not
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: a problem for you, it doesn't come up for you.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: And maybe it might in the beginning, but if it's really,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter to you because of the connection that
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: you have, then who cares?
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: You can't help who you fall for and who comes
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: into your life. And if you guys have a beautiful
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: connection and bond and love each other, to me, it's
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: like you turn that away just because of an age
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: and And obviously there's pros and cons to every single relationship. Yeah,
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: you probably wouldn't get as much time with him. Yeah.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: For sure.
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  Speaker 2: But you also don't know what's going to happen tomorrow
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: with you. You know, anything can happen at any time.
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  Speaker 2: I just don't think I would ever decline or say
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  Speaker 2: no to love if it felt right and it ticked
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  Speaker 2: all the boxes and it was aligned and you shared
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: the same values and you had a beautiful time together
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  Speaker 2: and he treated you so well. I don't think I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: would say no to that because of an age and
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: the fear of what other people would think of me. Yeah.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Steve and I are 10 years apart. We've never noticed it. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I know it's not the same as 26, but I
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  Speaker 2: remember we got judgment at the start. I'm like, oh,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: it doesn't bother me. Like I've never, it's never come
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: into our relationship as a negative thing.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, unless it's like 50 years, then we've got a
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  Speaker 1: bit of a problem.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Probably.
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  Speaker 1: Then we're kind of pushing it. But I think 26,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: it's not so bad. I think it's definitely more normalized now.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: Even like George Clooney with his wife, whatever her name is,
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  Speaker 1: they're about 30 years apart.
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  Speaker 2: And Rosie. Yes.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Rosie and Jason Statham.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: 30 years apart, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. They actually don't
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: look like they're much different in age. No, they don't,
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: do they?
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  Speaker 1: They actually feel like they pair really well together.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: And they've been together for like 20 years or something now. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, from when she was like super young, you know, mid-20s.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Super happy.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Sounds like fun.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Look, obviously it's a bit cheeky and it's a bit
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: fun because it's in the workplace. So I can imagine,
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I can only imagine the energy that that brings to
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: the workplace for you both, which is, you know, super
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: fun and playful. I guess the questions that you get
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: to ask yourself around is this a rebound is have
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: you processed your last relationship?
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And were you already emotionally checked out of that relationship
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: before you guys broke up? Because obviously you guys are,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: you know, now you're seeing somebody like quite close after
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: a four-year relationship.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that you need to have any
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: rules around that. But if you have you emotionally detached
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: enough from the previous relationship that you're actually ready for
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: something else if this were to eventuate.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, good point. Like it's not a time that's like, oh,
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: in six months time, that's the right time to move on.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: No.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Because you could have been grieving the last relationship while
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: you were in it for three years. So by the
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: time it ended, you were like, oh, I was out
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: two years ago just wasn't ready to leave. So true.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: So no one could put judgment on how quickly you
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: move on. But yeah, there is... a level of self-awareness
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: to be like, oh, is this fulfilling a whole because
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: I don't like being lonely and this feels good and
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: it's all lust and like no red flags yet, but
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: the red flags don't normally show until a bit later on.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: When the masks are off and you see all the
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: flaws and you see their traumas and how they respond
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: to challenges and discomfort and hard conversations, like that's where
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: you want to see, not even red flags, just see
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: the human for who they are in all of their
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: mess because you're messy, I'm messy, he's messy. We all are.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: No one's perfect.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. And right now this seems like it's at the
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: stage where it's a bit of fun. Yeah. That doesn't
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  Speaker 1: sound to me.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: It's a bit like this is cheeky. This is playful.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: Bring it to the workplace.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: You guys have slept together. So to me, this sounds
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: like you're in a season of like a little bit
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  Speaker 1: of fun as opposed to like building a solid relationship.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Unless you guys have had that conversation and I don't
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  Speaker 1: have the context around that. Having children's conversation is obviously
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  Speaker 1: a deep conversation.
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  Speaker 2: And that's a good question to ask. You're at an
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: age where you would be thinking about having children.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: And he's also at the age where it could either
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: be a hard yes or a hard.
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  Speaker 2: No for him.
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  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, it's tough because at his age, he's going
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: to be a really old dad and he probably is
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: going to miss out on a lot of their lives.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: That's a big reason why Steve and I stopped it.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Not a big reason, but it was a conversation. We
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: stopped it having a third child because we would have
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: liked to have had a big age gap if we
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: had a third child. And both of us don't have
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: dads around. Like I don't have a dad, but his
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: dad passed when he was 10. He's like, I want
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: to be there for my kids' weddings. And the older
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I get, the less likely that's going to happen. It's
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: a big conversation for you to have for him and
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: for him to consider. This is something only you can decide.
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  Speaker 2: And I would just forget about what anyone else is
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  Speaker 2: going to say because people are going to have their
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: opinions no matter what you do. If you chose a really,
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: an 18 year old, people are going to have an opinion,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: you know? It's very true.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It's interesting. I've got like one of my girlfriends, I
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: think her and her partner are about a 25 year
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: age gap and they just had a baby.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: You know.
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  Speaker 2: They're solid, hey?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: They're so solid. Yeah. You know, and they love it.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And she obviously had the judgment in the very beginning.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: People had something to say, but she doesn't care.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah. She's like, this is my life.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I love her. And he's also like a 50 something
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: year old dad now because they've just had a boy.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: And then, yeah, my sister has an age gap with
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: her partner, which is around 20 something years. My parents'
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: friends just had a child. They've got a son now
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: and he's like 55.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So it's like each to their own. There is no
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: right or wrong. It's just depending on what you want
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: for yourself. And that's a question you get to ask yourself.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Don't base your decisions on the fear of what your
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: co-worker is going to say or your family is going
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: to say because they'll get over it. It's not their
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: life to live. That's right.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, it's literally yours to live.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: You have to put up with it. You have to
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: be in it. You have to commit to it, decide,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: choose all the things. Definitely.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: And I would just give it more time because definitely,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: like you said, it could be the excitement of the office,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: could be a rebound. You're even asking us that question.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: So it means that question's like, pondering in your head.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good point.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: So I think, yeah, knowing if you've grieved the relationship.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: But it sounds like you guys did because you were
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: more friends and then fell out of love.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I know for me, I feel like the first person
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: after like a very serious relationship for me is a rebound. Yeah.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: And I'm not putting anything in your head, but I
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: know that in my experience, what I have navigated, not
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: that I knew it was a rebound at the time,
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: but in that moment it was like I wasn't yet
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: fully detached enough from the previous person to be like, oh,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I feel like I can fully commit to this.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: That makes sense.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And then that's why it kind of fizzled out because
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: I maybe got into it, fell into it a little bit,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: realized that, and then was like, oh, shit, this is
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: actually not for me. But that's been my experience.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Doesn't mean that it's going to fit for you.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it depends if you're still in love
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: with that old partner or like if you've grieved it
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: for the last two years, you might already be so done. Yeah.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: It's like, oh. Like a relief that it's over almost.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Like I'm so glad I feel free. I'm ready to
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: live my life. Move on now.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: But if you're still in love or have feelings and
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: that connection with your ex and it maybe didn't end
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: the way you wanted it to or you wanted more,
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: then you can see how you want to fill that void.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: Oh, tricky.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: But you do, you go.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: I'm curious, too, of, like, what this looks like for
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: you moving forward. Like, yeah, if you're obviously building more
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: feelings for him, what this looks like for you. Like,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: does this eventuate into something that's not just, like, fun
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: and play in the workplace?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Well, she's developing more and more feelings, she said.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: So I think it is leading towards being in a relationship.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: And to even have the conversation about kids. It's not
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: just a fling now. Yeah. You're talking about future.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, I want an update. I want to see how
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: you guys go.
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: I know. Yeah. Honestly, it looks like two. It's like
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: a silver fox. What's the situation here?
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, goodness.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: The days. Oh, fun. You would love an update. We
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: hope that helps. I think just like really get connected
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: and grounded to like you and what feels good for
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: you and having those conversations with him to make sure
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: on the same page and like forget the outside noise.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Easier said than done, but you have to be laser
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: focused and make a decision that's right for you because
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: if you do it because of all the outside noise
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: and you end it, but your heart longed for that,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I think you're going to suffer in that. This isn't
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: anyone else's life to live.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I don't think I would turn away a relationship because
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: of an age gap.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Hope that helped, girls. We'll see you in the next episode. Bye. Bye.