Latest / What The Heck with Matt Bellassai / Pooping Blueberries, Illiterate Boyfriends, and Killer Wild Boars?!

Transcript

Pooping Blueberries, Illiterate Boyfriends, and Killer Wild Boars?! · What The Heck with Matt Bellassai

0:00
Like all the time I think about how they were just memorizing
0:02
poems and shit, I don't know, all the little women, they were
0:06
just kind of reciting poetry in like entire books of the Bible.
0:10
I mean, granted, there were like 5 books back then and like,
0:14
that's all they had for entertainment, you know?
0:16
I am one of those people who firmly believes that if I lived
0:19
in like Shakespeare's time, I would be better than him.
0:25
Welcome back to What the Heck with Matt Bellassai, a podcast
0:29
about what the heck is going on, what the heck is happening, and
0:31
all the things that make me say what the heck.
0:34
There is a faint fall crispness to the air that I am very much
0:38
enjoying. Think, Gee, the summer is coming
0:41
to a close. It's been a good summer, I would
0:44
say over. Overall, I would say it's a good
0:46
summer. I had a kind of moment.
0:50
My mental illness of the week is that I'm convinced my water is
0:53
killing me. Yeah, no, I would say kind of
0:56
like every week I pick a new thing that I think is kind of
0:59
killing me in this week. It's because my building, which
1:03
not happy with because they're raising my rent by a pretty
1:06
upsetting amount. And I'm actually like pretty
1:09
pissed about it. I think it's because I think it
1:13
was rent stabilized and the like rent stabilizing thing like
1:16
finally expired. And so now they're like, guess
1:18
what? We can Jack up your shit.
1:20
And I'm like kind of have no choice but to re sign.
1:23
We'll see, We'll see. But anyway, they replace, I
1:26
mean, yeah, the elevators are always broken.
1:29
All of the shit that I talk about, but then they're always
1:32
doing maintenance on the water tank, which I don't like.
1:35
Like what do you mean you have to fix it like every six months?
1:39
What what? What's wrong with it?
1:41
They're not saying that in the e-mail about how they're
1:43
shutting off our water for like 8 hours.
1:46
And yeah, they're doing it during work hours.
1:48
But some of us don't have real jobs and rely on water from
1:52
10:00 AM to 4:00 PM and then when they turn it back on, so
1:57
they turn off the water 'cause they're doing water tank
2:00
maintenance. And then when they turn it back
2:02
on to the water is like cloudy and weird for several, several
2:05
hours. Also, sometimes when I take a
2:07
shower and it's it gets too hot, it makes my skin itchy.
2:10
What's that about? Are you burning yourself?
2:15
It's called a burn. No, it's a very specific thing
2:18
that I've like thought about and kind of looked up is like why?
2:21
It's like warmer water makes my skin itchy.
2:25
And I think it's just like my, my, like nerves kind of reacting
2:30
to the water, but it's not even that hot.
2:34
It it's weird. It's like it makes me itchy.
2:38
Yeah. And it's.
2:39
Too hot? But hot makes you itchy.
2:43
Hot makes you burn, which makes you itchy.
2:45
Burn makes you itchy. Burn doesn't usually make me
2:49
like, healing sunburn. Yeah, that's kind of itchy.
2:52
But like hot water, itchy. I I don't get my hands when
2:56
they're under hot water. Don't get itchy.
3:00
I don't know. Something is going on.
3:01
Something is going on with the water and it's definitely not a
3:03
mental illness of mine. It's definitely like the
3:06
building and they're charging me more money for it and I don't
3:09
like that. It's too much weird shit.
3:11
But I'm like in too deep. And that's the thing.
3:13
It's like I don't want to move all my shit.
3:17
Also, my lease is up in like a week and I haven't also they're
3:22
like mad at me because I haven't signed it yet and are are saying
3:25
like you have to sign it if it lapses, like we have to get
3:28
lawyers involved. And it's mostly 'cause I just
3:31
kind of forgot. Anyway, the point is the water
3:35
is freaking me out. And that happened to have
3:37
coincided with my my lease renewal coming up.
3:42
But yeah, no, maybe. This is a good time to, you
3:44
know, tell people like, share the show.
3:50
Yeah, I don't really know if like the desperation is coming
3:53
out, but like everybody you share post about the show,
3:56
actually at this point it's becoming pretty necessary for
4:00
you. You're you're doing civic
4:01
engagement by by listening to the show and supporting it.
4:05
And then, you know, at this point we're just going to have a
4:08
Patreon that's just like the support not to you.
4:13
It gives you no additional benefits except my my joyful
4:16
presence on the Internet. But it's just kind of sending me
4:19
money anyway. I also had a real taste of my
4:25
own medicine after the tirade I went on last week of not wanting
4:28
to talk to people that I don't, that I sort of vaguely know.
4:32
You know, you run into an acquaintance and it's like, oh,
4:34
great, now I have to talk to this.
4:36
I passed someone on the street and we, we made eye contact and
4:40
I saw the moment that they were like, fuck, I'm going to have to
4:43
stop and talk to you. It's so drawing to see it on
4:48
someone else's face. It was so he wasn't hiding it at
4:52
all. It was very much like a OK.
4:55
And I was like, OK, great to see you too.
4:59
Interaction lasted less than 45 seconds.
5:01
Probably he hasn't thought about it, but definitely I was like,
5:04
right, that's what that feels like.
5:06
Doesn't, doesn't feel great when someone is openly like, I don't
5:09
want to talk to this person. And that's sort of the energy
5:12
that I bring about to the world. So it made me, it made me
5:16
reflect. In fact, when you see yourself,
5:19
when when you see your bad habits exhibited by someone
5:22
else, I'm going to get real judge mental real fast.
5:26
And yeah, it's going to reflect poorly on me.
5:30
At the end of the day. Like, like all things, like all
5:33
things that I criticize on other people, it's mostly about me.
5:38
Hate that. Whoever came up with that one, I
5:42
don't know, was 'cause I every time I try to think about like
5:45
psychology and what they were talking about, I don't, I don't
5:50
know Freud. It's like Freud's whole thing
5:54
was basically like you want to fuck your mom and like all
5:57
you're thinking about is Dicks and that like you're mad at your
6:00
mom for chopping off your Dick or something, something like
6:03
that. I I never really like understood
6:07
Freud. I have one of these books on
6:08
these bookshelves behind you is like a full like Freud theory
6:12
book because 11 week I was like, let me get really into that.
6:16
Tried sort of Carl Jung, Jung, I don't know what the fuck he was
6:20
talking about some of that shadows and stuff.
6:22
So I'm not interested in any of that.
6:25
We tried it and that, but the thing that I don't like whatever
6:29
psychologist was like actually every observation you make is
6:32
really just about you. Tough, tough to hear who anyway,
6:39
what else is happening in my life?
6:41
This is this mostly just been what what's going on with me?
6:44
What talk? About the e-mail that you're
6:46
building sent, I thought you were going to talk about it
6:49
saying. Like, Oh yeah, forgot about.
6:51
Oh my God, my building. The other thing that my building
6:53
did recently is they sent out an e-mail.
6:55
Let me just pull up the e-mail. They sent this e-mail that was
7:01
like, just FYI, don't break into anybody else's apartment.
7:07
We're going to have to go ahead and ask that nobody breaks into
7:10
other people's apartments. That's like dead ass.
7:12
What they this e-mail was saying, it was like, I mean,
7:17
maybe a coincidence. This e-mail did come shortly
7:20
after I said on this podcast that I had gotten stoned and
7:23
accidentally entered the wrong apartment.
7:26
Clearly an accident. Not something that I would have
7:28
choose. Chooses what wasn't That wasn't
7:33
a sentence. Wait, where is it?
7:37
Oh yeah. As a reminder, residents and
7:39
their guests should only access and visit the residents they are
7:42
authorized to enter. Please do not knock on, enter or
7:45
attempt to access another resident's home unless you have
7:48
been invited by that resident. What are you talking about?
7:53
Why do why do you need a reminder emailed to be like,
7:56
hey, don't go into an apartment that's not yours?
8:00
I don't understand. I don't understand who this is
8:03
for like what person in their life is like, oh, I didn't know
8:08
we were not supposed to do that. This whole time I've been just
8:12
going into whoever's apartment I want, but now I'll stop.
8:17
And it's like they do say, like we understand there may be
8:20
situations where like your neighbors need assistance, but
8:25
like be respectful. If you encounter an issue, let
8:29
let the staff know. I I feel like the context that
8:34
is missing here is that this was someone who like gave their
8:38
neighbor permission to come in and like water plants or a cat
8:41
sit or something. And then they like didn't get
8:44
the hand that they their services were no longer needed.
8:48
And rather than dealing with just this interpersonal
8:50
conflict, they decided to have the building kind of passive
8:53
aggressively send an e-mail to everybody in a very confusing
8:55
way because there's no other good reason why you would have
9:00
to send an e-mail to residents saying don't break and enter.
9:05
I'm baffled. I'm baffled by the intended
9:07
audience of that e-mail. It is so confusing.
9:11
They, I mean, they have sent emails before that are like,
9:13
hey, lock your doors. That's normal.
9:15
That's like, oh, some people maybe we're getting a little LAX
9:18
with whether they're leaving the door unlocked or not.
9:21
Could not be me. My doors are locked, everything
9:24
is locked. All 5 bolts are going The second
9:28
I walk in the door. Slam, slam, slam.
9:32
But yeah, I just 'cause I, I'm, yeah, I'm not going to be the
9:36
person who Semmel walks in on because I forgot to lock the
9:40
door and I'm sitting with my meat out.
9:43
All right, Moo, moving on. Let's get into what the heck is
9:47
happening in the world this week.
9:50
First, I guess everything is just getting recalled now.
9:54
I guess every food alive is just going to give you explosive
9:57
diarrhea. They're finding salmonella in
9:59
stuff that has never been found salmonella in before.
10:07
No, but they are though. Say that, Say that they're
10:11
finding salmonella in stuff that salmonella has never been in
10:15
before. What do you mean?
10:16
Salmonella is in granola for pregnant women?
10:20
What are you talking about? No, that's not real, Are you?
10:24
Did you, you hear about this? They had to recall this granola,
10:28
but specifically it's called this like lactation granola.
10:32
I have to look up this product. Well, first of all, I went,
10:35
'cause I know they're recalling everything.
10:36
They're basically everything is infected with something.
10:40
It's got glass in it, it's got nails in it.
10:43
And so I went to the FDA website to look at what, like, what the
10:46
active recalls are, It said showing entries one through 10
10:51
of 1010. Oh my God, what is this
10:57
database? And that includes everything
11:00
that's currently in like an active recall, everything from
11:03
like, you know, pharmaceuticals to like, whatever.
11:06
But yeah, so the one that was kind of scaring me was the
11:09
frozen blueberry recall. And because I eat like a bag of
11:14
frozen blueberries a day, not exaggerating.
11:17
It's kind of, it's kind of insane.
11:19
I started this is TMI, but I did poop out like a full blueberry.
11:33
I did. I was like, what is that?
11:35
Oh my God, that's a fully intact blueberry, like a piece of corn,
11:40
but blueberry. That's how much blueberry I'm,
11:42
I'm eating so many blueberries that my body is like, we have
11:45
all we need. We're going to send the rest
11:47
through because you don't. Chew.
11:56
Something about me that my friends have noted is that I eat
12:00
like I was deprived as a child and I wasn't in any way.
12:04
In fact, I was given too much and I eat like, the food is
12:09
going to be taken away from me where like, I can fully finish
12:14
an entire meal before some of my friends have taken like, their
12:17
second bite. And so, yeah, maybe a part of it
12:23
is that I'm not fully like chewing everything and that is
12:26
kind of sending just fully undigested blueberries through
12:29
my system. But yeah, it was getting kind of
12:32
scared 'cause I do, I have oatmeal every day and I put a
12:35
couple, I put like a full cup of blueberries in the oatmeal every
12:38
morning. And then I have usually a yogurt
12:41
for lunch, like with my lunch or for a snack that I'm putting
12:44
frozen blueberries in too. It makes it all icy and kind of
12:46
like frozen treat. Great hack if you're not getting
12:50
the salmonella blueberries. I looked it up.
12:52
The the frozen blueberries that were affected are from a
12:55
specific they're all all of these are from like specific
12:58
manufacturers and like specific regions.
13:01
So it's not like all frozen blueberries will kill you for
13:05
sure. But it's like I think in certain
13:08
states you should look it up. You're you're going to have to
13:11
print out the scroll of items that got recalled before you
13:14
head to the Kroger anyway. I was looking up the lactation
13:18
granola. I'm just like, I guess like
13:21
women need special stuff when they're when they're pregnant,
13:26
but like granola, you need special granola with minerals
13:31
for post mortem health, no. Postpartum.
13:40
I'm actually going to start a line of post mortem foods that
13:45
everybody can eat. Yeah, a lot of people were
13:48
ripping apart my disgusting lasagna that I posted a video of
13:52
because, yeah, I mean, it did look fully like cat food.
13:54
I said it myself. No, it absolutely didn't.
14:00
No, sorry. Did I say cat food?
14:01
I meant cat vomit. It did look like cat vomit.
14:05
It tasted fine, but it would like a lot of people were like,
14:09
where's the rest of it where there should be like several
14:13
other ingredients. That's just not the recipe.
14:15
I mean, that's the other thing pissed me off.
14:17
People are like, where Oh, why didn't you put this and this in?
14:20
It wasn't in the fucking recipe. OK, I will follow instructions
14:24
even if it means I have to kill somebody when it comes to making
14:27
food for for at least for the first time.
14:29
That's something I think that everybody needs to learn.
14:31
And yes this is a tangent and I don't know where I ended up here
14:35
but when you are making a recipe for the first time you better
14:38
follow that goddamn recipe because I'm sick of seeing
14:42
comments under recipes that are like I changed all of these
14:44
fucking things and it didn't turn out.
14:46
Why does it taste like this? Because you didn't follow the
14:48
fucking recipe dumbass. Pissing me off.
14:53
I mean this is like an entire genre of Internet.
14:55
Like Internet person is like the the person who leaves these
14:59
these comments are a part of Internet history.
15:02
Or people who are like didn't follow the recipe turns turned
15:06
out like shit and then they rate the recipe like 0 stars.
15:10
And all of these recipe writers are like hey what the fuck is
15:14
wrong with you? But then the other thing that is
15:15
starting to piss me off is that I think there are a lot of food
15:18
influencers these days who are who get a following and are
15:21
posting recipes, but they don't have like recipe checkers and
15:26
testers to see whether the recipe that they made in their
15:30
weird influencer kitchen can be applied to everybody else.
15:34
This is being a food creator. You have to do your fucking
15:38
research. Don't just post a fucking recipe
15:41
because it looks good on a video.
15:44
And then I try to make it and it turns out like shit because you
15:47
don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
15:48
Actually, it's your fault. There's one girl in particular
15:53
whose recipes I've made a couple of times and I'm like, she does
15:56
not know what she's talking about.
15:58
I'll look at the right ingredients and I'm like, this
16:01
is just not right. This is a typo and other people
16:04
are going to try to make this recipe who are not as
16:06
intelligent as I am and they're going to fuck up and, and and
16:09
they won't know why. I know why because I'm a genius.
16:12
But anyway, I don't really know what this lactation granola is,
16:16
but it's gotten recalled, so don't eat it.
16:25
Let's see, what else a lot of women on the Internet or having
16:29
their husband slash boyfriends expose the fact that they're
16:33
just fully illiterate. Have you seen this trend that's
16:37
called like having my boyfriend pronounce all of these words
16:40
that I don't think he can pronounce.
16:42
And it's just like a list of, I mean, arguably a kind of
16:47
difficult to pronounce words, but like, I wouldn't post on the
16:53
Internet that my boyfriend does not know how to read.
16:56
Basically, they're being like, oh, isn't this so funny?
17:00
No, you're married to a fucking idiot and you should be
17:02
embarrassed too. Not only is should he be
17:05
embarrassed, but you should be embarrassed as well.
17:09
It's the strength. Should I just pull one up?
17:12
Let's see boyfriend reading Boyfriend words to pronounce.
17:17
OK, I want you to do your best to pronounce these words.
17:20
OK, time. OK, epitome.
17:31
Potomi. Holla.
17:36
Chalet. Gnocchi.
17:39
OK. Nochi Nochi.
17:45
Fuchsia. Fu Phrygia.
17:54
It goes on like that for several more words and he gets like nod
17:58
of other languages. Sure, sure, sure.
18:00
Sure for the most part. That is so sad.
18:03
Faux pas hors d'oeuvres Colonel Sorbet Q Connoisseur.
18:09
Opaque niche regime Pseudonym Hyperbole.
18:12
Oh boy. Oh.
18:14
Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh. Boy, and it's like, I, I don't
18:18
know, people are posting this and they're like, look at my
18:21
funny boyfriend. He's so dumb.
18:23
And it's like, girl, no, he has CTE.
18:28
Actually, I would love it if Taylor Swift did that with
18:33
Travis Kelce. Travis Kelce read that list.
18:39
But yeah, no, it's a very weird thing that's happening.
18:43
I but I'm I'm still I'm watching all of them.
18:45
I'm giving them views. Show me your dumb ass boyfriend.
18:49
Anyway, next researchers at Binghamton University.
18:55
Don't you not being able? To pronounce the.
18:57
Word. Well, I don't know where the
18:58
fuck Binghamton is. That's how you say it.
19:00
Is it is it in like Vermont, I feel like?
19:03
Or is that the UK? But it also wait, is this where
19:08
Chandler went? What is this?
19:11
What is this anyway? Binghamton University
19:17
researchers found that taking screenshots of something to
19:20
remember it actually makes you less likely to remember it than
19:24
if you just stared at it and didn't screenshot it.
19:28
Pretty devastating information for me personally, who has a
19:32
photo photo album like just my entire photo library on my phone
19:37
is just stuff that I've screenshotted to remember for
19:39
later. Never once looked at it again.
19:41
And so they did this study, I guess that was like they showed
19:45
a bunch of people like 3 art pieces and then they had one
19:53
group screenshot them and then the other group just look at
19:56
them. And then they had then they
19:58
asked them, they gave them like multiple choice like which one
20:01
of these did you actually look at?
20:03
It was like subtle differences in them and they they found that
20:06
like the people who screenshotted it, like actually
20:09
were way worse at remembrance. I think even when they knew that
20:14
the screenshot would be deleted, like even when they knew they
20:17
wouldn't be able to look back at it and it there's, so there's
20:21
just like something in your brain that when you screenshot
20:24
something to remember it, you're kind of just like offloading the
20:28
burden of having to remember something.
20:31
I don't know, I just thought that was pretty crazy, pretty
20:34
crazy stuff 'cause I'm not remembering shit anymore.
20:38
And I, it probably, I like all the time, I think about how they
20:41
were just memorizing poems and shit.
20:44
I don't know, all the little women, they were just kind of
20:46
reciting poetry in like entire books of the Bible.
20:50
I mean, granted there were like 5 books back then and like
20:53
that's all they had for entertainment.
20:56
You know, I am one of those people who firmly believes that
20:58
if I lived in, like, Shakespeare's time, I would be
21:00
better than him. I'm just like, I just feel like
21:10
it's like, obviously I know there are people who are like,
21:14
yeah, we're living in a time with just, like, constant
21:16
distractions. And back then, what did they?
21:19
They had nothing to distract them.
21:21
All you could do was, like, work and do do nothing but work.
21:25
So yeah, it would be if I was forced to be doing nothing but
21:29
work all the time and I had no meaning means of like
21:32
entertainment or leisure, I'd be the next Shakespeare, William,
21:37
But. Better.
21:38
But better than him actually never written a poem in my life.
21:46
I have recently I've I've I've had ideas for like stories to
21:49
write for a long time and I haven't.
21:52
Nothing has really stuck, in part because I get very excited
21:56
by a creative idea and then I like binge on it for like a
22:00
week, and then I start getting the ick by about my own idea.
22:04
And I'm like, how do you prevent getting the ick from your own
22:07
idea? How do you maintain the
22:10
excitement for it? You actually just have to write
22:12
stuff. I don't know how Shakespeare did
22:14
it. Probably because he didn't have
22:16
pornography to watch. Listen, I got, I got stuff in
22:21
the queue that I need to be, that has to be dealt with.
22:26
There are too many things. And I guess like, yeah, they had
22:31
the plague and shit, they had all the same stuff.
22:35
Why did I start that? Oh yeah, too much distraction.
22:38
This story, I don't want to talk about that story 'cause it was
22:40
gross. I know there's this guy in the
22:43
UK who went on vacation in in Bali and then he started
22:48
experiencing irritation in his eyeball and he went to a bunch
22:52
of eyeball doctors and finally they were like, OK, we can
22:55
reveal that it is in fact an eyeball eating parasite that you
22:59
got because you went swimming. Probably because you went
23:02
swimming with contact lenses in a Bolognese swimming pool.
23:07
No disrespect to Bali. I feel like they're putting a
23:09
bad name on Bali's name. This is on you, Sir.
23:12
No, he might lose his eye. I don't want to be mean, but I
23:17
the way that eyeball stuff immediately makes me want to die
23:21
to death. I don't like think about
23:24
eyeballs at all. Are you kidding me?
23:26
I tried having contact lenses one time.
23:29
One time in my like senior year of college, I went to
23:33
LensCrafters and I said hook, hook a bitch up, I'm ready for
23:39
contact lenses. They got me the contact lenses.
23:41
Then you have to do the thing. If you've never had contact
23:44
lenses before, they make you put them in in front of them to
23:47
prove that you can and take them out like a couple times, which I
23:50
did at the LensCrafters. Then I got home, couldn't get
23:54
him out, couldn't get him out, and it became a pretty tense
23:58
environment in my household 'cause I, I was getting very
24:03
frustrated. My mom sort of like yelling at
24:05
my dad about it was like help him, help him.
24:07
And I was like, what the fuck is he supposed to do?
24:09
If I get if, like the problem is that my eyeball is shutting
24:12
every time I get near it. You think it's not going to do
24:16
that when a stranger comes at it?
24:18
Stranger. My dad, and it was the time that
24:21
I got so frustrated. I was like, just shut up.
24:24
And I told my mom to shut up. And that was the one and only
24:27
time that that's happened because she won't stop talking
24:29
about it. It's like that'll go on her
24:31
gravestone one day. Is this the day that my son told
24:34
me to shut up? And I was like, I'm the one who
24:37
basically is going to lose my eyeball because I can't get the
24:40
contact lens out. I just think contact lenses are
24:43
like, not just embrace your glasses.
24:48
Just do it. Don't be, don't be such a, a
24:51
snob about glasses. Oh, you think you're better than
24:54
me because you walk around with, with naked eyeballs?
24:57
You're not. Oh, you can get LASIK.
25:00
I'm not going to. But yeah, the second I hear
25:05
about it, I just like can't go near my eyeball without having a
25:08
mini panic attack. And so that contact lens
25:11
experiment ended pretty quickly. And now I'm glad it did because
25:16
not that I'm going near any bodies of water that are even
25:19
slightly questionable. I haven't been submerged in
25:22
water in I don't know how long. But I am scared.
25:26
I'm scared of eye stuff. I just think grosses me out.
25:30
I don't like what. Even when they're when they
25:31
shine the eye though, they shine the flashlight in your eye when
25:34
you're at the eye doctor. Nope, Nope.
25:39
The puff. I'm pretty good at the puff.
25:41
I'm pretty good when they tell you to look at the little red
25:43
barn and then they they puff the eyeball.
25:46
That image hasn't changed in like 50 years.
25:49
You know the red barn. Oh, sometimes it's the hot air
25:52
balloon. And then it you have to like
25:54
look at the thing. You put your head on the thing,
25:56
they little chin rest and then they puff at the they puff a
26:00
puff a fair at you, but you have to look at the picture and they
26:03
say don't look at the red barn. Don't look away.
26:08
And then they puff and I'm always keeping my eye open.
26:11
But that, yeah, something about that is fine.
26:14
But I think it's like maybe it's maybe it's the like phallic kind
26:18
of flashlight right in your eyeball.
26:20
Then I'm afraid because it's like the the, the thing that
26:25
you're putting your the your face in when they puff the air
26:27
at you is sort of like a big machine.
26:30
So I don't have to worry about anything entering my eye but
26:33
air. Anyway, moving on.
26:37
The last news item of the week is that we did in fact briefly
26:43
lose Nicholas Holt to the cursed production of that Terrible
26:49
Ladies Wizarding World television show.
26:52
Nicholas Holt was briefly hired as Gilderoy Lockhart in the HBO
26:57
production of Harry Potter, and a lot of people were in mourning
27:02
for that. A lot of people, myself
27:05
included, were sort of devastated to lose him.
27:09
But now, as of as of this week, definitely not because thousands
27:15
of people on the Internet were pretty pissed at him, but
27:18
because of scheduling issues. He has announced that he will no
27:21
longer be Gilroy Lockhart. And they pretty quickly
27:25
announced that he'd be replaced with Kit Harington.
27:27
May he rest in peace. And it's hard.
27:31
It's one of those things where it's like there are only 10
27:34
British actors. So it is pretty tough 'cause
27:37
it's like they all were in Harry Potter already.
27:40
Which is the other reason why this show is so stupid is
27:44
because they already did it. They already did.
27:46
They already got the best version of all of these people.
27:49
Now you bring this other fucking kid in here, I'll kick that kid
27:51
in the fucking face. You know he's a real child.
27:55
I don't really have anything against those children.
27:57
They don't know any better. The adults do.
28:00
I mean, there were whole rounds of discourse on the Internet
28:03
about, you know, can you hold these actors accountable for
28:06
this? Is it something that they should
28:08
know, like not to do? Is it does it reflect poorly on
28:12
them? I don't know.
28:15
I I say it's not great. There was that comedian James
28:21
Acaster and Caster. Did you see that clip?
28:24
No, but. I love.
28:25
Him he was talking about just like, I mean, now I'm just
28:29
repeating his bit, but it's so funny that there are actors out
28:32
there who know that they've been cast, but they haven't said
28:36
anything yet and they're just watching each cast announcement
28:39
announcement go out and like everybody and just thinking
28:44
like, maybe I'll be different, maybe I'll be.
28:45
And like, no, uniformly every person who has been announced
28:48
for this has people have been so disappointed because it's like
28:51
now you know that this lady is crazy.
28:54
She tried to come out with some statement this week that was
28:56
like, actually, I think trans people, like, I sympathize with
28:59
them. She responded to some tweet.
29:01
People are saying it's because of, like, you know, the show and
29:05
that they're, like, holding her at gunpoint in order to say
29:08
this. But she just said, like, I've
29:10
always had empathy for people who, like, have gender
29:12
dysphoria, and I want them to get the, like, medical resources
29:16
that they need. And it's like, girl, what the
29:18
fuck are you talking about? Like, none of your actions for
29:22
the past 10 years have shown that.
29:26
And I think it's because she's a very specific kind of like turf,
29:29
which is like, she's not, I don't know.
29:32
But she has like, denied the existence of trans people.
29:35
It's more that she believes like trans women aren't actually
29:38
women and that they're, they're, they have like mental illness or
29:42
something. And so it's it's kind of like
29:44
she's being like, yeah, I believe that they have mental
29:46
illness and they need help. And I like, I'm feel sorry for
29:49
them. They're just like, girl, shut
29:51
the fuck up. Don't you're there's no crawling
29:53
out of it now unless you come out doing a full 180 and you
29:57
retract and like donate a bunch of money to trans causes.
30:02
You keep your fucking forked tongue in your mouth.
30:11
Moving on to the what the heck hotline, which is of course, the
30:14
number that any of you can call the lady You are.
30:16
What the heck of the week four O 7.
30:17
WTH Matt? Let's hear this week's scholar.
30:22
Hi Matt, this is Heather from Fort Wayne, IN, and I have a
30:27
what the heck? I want to know why every fucking
30:31
book that comes out is part of like a 17 book series.
30:36
Like Sarah James, I'm looking at you #1 because all of your books
30:41
have like 50 other books that you have to read to finish the
30:44
series. I don't want to have to commit
30:46
the next five years of my life to 11 one book series.
30:50
Like that's ridiculous. Like I read the first two at
30:54
guitar books and then I'm like, I can't sit through three more.
30:57
Like they're very good. But like I don't want to have to
31:00
sit through three more to see like what keeps happening.
31:03
And now two more are coming out. Like stop it, keep them smaller,
31:08
right? Like I'm getting so annoyed with
31:10
it. And also, what the heck, quick
31:13
one Matt just won't really relate to you probably.
31:16
But why are we not fucking sewing in those little pads that
31:22
go in like swimming suit tops and like sports trucks?
31:26
Why do I have to get them out of the dryer after I do laundry and
31:30
like put my like, so try to stick my fingers up in those
31:33
little fucking holes to try to straighten out the pad because
31:37
it gets all fucking twisted like it is 2026.
31:41
Why are we not sewing that shit in?
31:43
That is so annoying. And don't come at me with do it
31:45
on delicate. Do a delicate load.
31:48
I don't have enough freaking tops to wait till I have a full
31:53
load to do it. That's so don't come at me with
31:56
that. I'm not doing it.
31:57
That's stupid. So what the heck?
32:00
Why are we not doing that? That's stupid.
32:02
And keep the books shorter. Thank you.
32:07
I like are you are you really just were like, I don't need to
32:09
call back and leave a second one.
32:10
I'll just do 2 completely unrelated.
32:13
What the hecks in one phone call.
32:16
You really Trojan horsed a a a woman's complaint in there.
32:22
It's OK. So let me understand sports bras
32:26
or or other sort of like swimming tops have like cups
32:31
basically that are are like structurally part of the garment
32:36
but not like you can like remove them, yes.
32:41
And they're like basically just a little thin thing of foam.
32:44
Right. Are you supposed to remove it to
32:46
wash? Do you?
32:47
Want no, no no no no remove it to wash but that's but it soaks
32:52
up the sweat. Who has the tie?
32:55
Right. I'd rather just wash it inside
32:57
of its thing, yeah. Right.
32:59
Or it's like make a garment that you don't have to do that in.
33:04
Yeah, I guess I'm a feminist now.
33:09
No, I Yeah, I know. That sounds bad.
33:11
I'm sorry that's happening to you.
33:12
The worst thing? That women have to deal with.
33:14
Yeah, yeah. That's the number one so.
33:17
Right, right, right, right. Books that are too long.
33:22
Many series. Too many books in a series.
33:23
Yeah, my, my thing is like, 'cause sometimes I enjoy a
33:28
series. Usually I like when a series is
33:32
done and then I can just kind of go and, and read them at my
33:35
leisure. Because I do think part of the
33:39
my big beef with these long series of books that come out is
33:43
that I don't remember shit when the next one comes out.
33:48
And I feel like these authors, a couple of them in particular, a
33:51
couple of the big ones, have done like a not a very good job
33:55
of reminding you what the fuck is going on.
33:58
It's like, unfortunately, I don't have another example
34:02
except for in terms of someone who did it.
34:05
Well, I was thinking about this the other day, 'cause I'm like,
34:08
unfortunately did like I always remember reading those books and
34:16
feeling like she was kind of giving you a little bit of a
34:20
recap at the beginning of the book about who these people
34:24
were. And like, if you introduce a
34:26
character that you haven't really talked about in a while,
34:29
like you're kind of giving some hint who that is.
34:33
The, the dragon book lady, She was just dropping in some of the
34:36
craziest names ever and expecting me to remember who the
34:39
fuck this person was with with just no Lube.
34:42
I'm, I'm just kind of reintroduced to these people as
34:46
if a full fucking year and a half hasn't passed since the
34:49
last one came out. And sure, it's like that is kind
34:52
of a problem only if you are living at the time when those
34:55
books are coming out. It's like for the rest of
34:58
history when people are reading these books, if they are, nobody
35:02
will be reading in five years. But it's like, yeah, you can
35:06
read them in a row and like, you don't have to worry about that.
35:08
But it's like, I don't know, I some because this is also
35:12
related to like the Netflix people being like, you have to
35:14
say what's going on every 5 minutes because everyone's
35:17
fucking dumb now. And it's like, well, that's
35:19
crazy. We don't have to be going that
35:21
far. But also like there's got to be
35:24
a middle ground between treating the reader like a baby and like
35:28
giving us, throw us a little bit of a bone.
35:31
I'll take a little bone. So that's my big beef.
35:34
It's like, if you're going to write a long series, make sure
35:38
that I can like, pick up the next book and not be so fucking
35:42
confused about what the fuck is going on and not have to watch
35:45
like a 20 minute YouTube video that a teenager made recapping
35:49
the last story, which is usually what has to happen.
35:53
What? That also reminded me of some Oh
35:55
yeah, 'cause my mom texts me. My mom grooms our family dog
35:59
Carly with AK and two ES because she was named for a stripper.
36:04
Oh I don't know why this is just an AI photo of Carly on the
36:07
beach somewhere. Why does it look like they're
36:16
saying goodbye to her? But my mom gave Carly a hair.
36:22
She cuts her hair, that dog, I wish I actually had a photo of
36:34
what she looks like otherwise, 'cause that is crazy.
36:37
I we need a before and after of what she did to that dog because
36:43
Carly is not supposed to look like that, I'll tell you that
36:46
much. She is, she looks like a
36:48
hairless little monster, but she is a Shih Tzu.
36:51
Ultimately. I also, I need to pull up that
36:54
photo. I'll put it on the screen of my
36:56
mom, the contraption that she puts Carly in to.
37:02
Oh, this is sort of, this is sort of normal Carly.
37:05
Compare that to the the creature that you just saw.
37:09
But my mom like hangs Carly in this kind of like sexual torture
37:15
contraption and puts like an astronaut thing.
37:18
But now she's gotten too bold and she stopped putting the
37:21
astronaut helmet on Carly. And so Carly, even though she
37:25
weighs like 3 lbs and her teeth are like microscopic, goes kind
37:33
of feral and and I don't know, I, I would not on my life
37:38
attempt to groom a Shih Tzu without protection, But Debbie's
37:44
she's going for it. Anyway, moving on to a few of my
37:50
what the hecks for the week, the stuff that's making me say, what
37:53
the heck. First wild boars are so scary.
37:58
I was just getting like, I got a little stoned and I was, I was
38:01
watching these videos and I was like, Oh my God, why are we
38:05
allowing this? They said, hey, what if a pig
38:09
was the devil? What if a pig was kind of the
38:13
scariest creature you've ever seen and capable of doing kind
38:15
of immeasurable damage? I don't think people are
38:18
understanding how scary wild boars are.
38:22
They're so scared. But you know, Lion King did a
38:25
lot for the pro wild boar lobby. Pumba's fucking ass they were.
38:29
They were singing jolly tunes with one another.
38:31
First of all, Pumba would have absolutely wrecked that little
38:35
meerkat's shit. What's his name?
38:38
Timon. Timon would have been fucking
38:41
kebab if Pumba had his way. But wild boars?
38:46
I saw this video. Let me pull up this video of
38:48
this person doing getting like attacked by a wild boar.
38:54
It was so scary. I was like Oh my God, he was
38:56
just, he was just drinking water.
38:59
Unhabali and bisteaun hombre. My God.
39:12
Wait, watch it like wrecks of shit.
39:19
It comes out of nowhere. That fucker came out of nowhere.
39:23
Also, not to defend Pumba, but warthog, He's a warthog and
39:27
warthogs are related to but different than boars.
39:31
Warthogs are a little smaller, cuter, nicer.
39:35
I'm glad we're getting out. Ahead of this, I'd like to issue
39:39
my formal apology to the Warthog community, of which Pumba is in
39:45
fact a member and not a wild boar.
39:48
Or, or is it like rectangle square kind of thing?
39:50
They're a different animal, just entirely different family.
39:53
But right, they are different. Are what?
39:55
Kind of like pretty famously saying when I was a young
39:58
warthog. No, I fully know he's a warthog.
40:01
Now that you've said it, I kind of completely forgot that that
40:04
was a species They look. Very simple.
40:06
Warthogs have more prominent tusks, but they are actually
40:08
smaller. Wild boars are fucking.
40:12
Scary. Are they as dangerous as a wild?
40:14
OK, OK, so I'll put some respect on Pumba's name.
40:18
I still think he would have skewered Timon if they had his
40:22
if they weren't sexual partners, but I do.
40:25
Wild boars are still so scary. There was that famous meme from
40:29
a long time ago where this guy cuz who Javelinas is not just
40:33
kind of a Spanish name for, they're also a different
40:37
creature. OK, I'm kind of learning a lot
40:40
of information about wild pigs. They're all from the pig family.
40:45
I just like, I don't know, you hear about a pig and you're
40:47
like, oh, it's a pig. It's pig.
40:49
Charlotte's Web. They're friends with spiders and
40:51
stuff. And then you see a wild boar and
40:54
it's kind of like, OK, so you're a murderer.
40:58
Oh, so you're kind of going to kill everybody.
41:00
It's so scary. And there was that guy a long
41:03
time ago. I don't, I don't remember if it
41:04
was a debate. It was something on Twitter
41:07
about guns having like a shotgun.
41:10
And this guy was like, what am I supposed to do if I have, you
41:13
know, 100 wild boars running through my backyard?
41:17
And people are like, what the fuck are you talking about?
41:20
What? How often are you experiencing a
41:22
Stampede of wild boars in your backyard?
41:25
And now I unfortunately I do think that man history has
41:29
proven him correct. Let me let me find that tweet.
41:34
Wild boar tweet. Legit question for rural
41:37
Americans. How do I kill the 30 to 50 feral
41:40
hogs that run into my yard within 3 to 5 minutes while my
41:43
small kids play and people are like, hey, what the hell?
41:50
What the hell is this nightmare scenario that you've cooked up
41:53
for yourself? Like, where did this come from?
41:55
But yeah, you know, Stampede of 30 to I don't know what the
41:59
context of this was. I'm going to have to look it up
42:01
at some point. I don't have to delve into it
42:04
right now. But also it's like, oh, what are
42:06
you going to shotgun 30 to 50 feral hogs?
42:09
Like if they're coming for your kid, say goodbye to your little
42:12
kid. Like you're not going to were
42:15
you going to AK47 a bunch of feral hogs?
42:18
You're just going to kind of open fire at, you know, the
42:22
crowd that includes your children.
42:24
I don't know. I don't know what was happening
42:26
during this debate, but it is so scary.
42:28
Feral hogs and wild boars and all of their ilk, including
42:33
warthogs. I'll say I kind of am
42:35
retracting. I don't think that they're we
42:38
should be letting them get away with all of that.
42:41
And it's always shocking when it happens, like, yeah, when when
42:44
it's like, oh, this is in Arizona.
42:47
You're getting wild hogged next. They need to be playing Macarena
42:57
at the club. They need to be playing the
43:00
Macarena at the club. The Macarena is one of the most
43:02
underrated songs of all time. And I, yeah, was I kind of
43:06
scrolling and I saw a remix of the Macarena playing at like
43:11
something in Ibiza. And I was like, wait a second.
43:16
Is the Macarena kind of the greatest song of all time?
43:20
And yeah, I think I'm maybe it just itches a very particular
43:23
nostalgic part of my brain. But that beat kind of, you're
43:27
hearing it. You're hearing it in your head
43:28
without me even saying it or singing it.
43:32
The words couldn't tell you a single word of the Macarena
43:34
except, hey, Macarena. But it's so good.
43:41
Did you have to learn the Macarena in, like, gym class?
43:44
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. We had a like an entire unit of
43:47
gym class when I was in grade school where you just learned
43:50
various line dances fully in a school in the North too.
43:53
This is not like, you know, I, I assume line dancing is part of
43:57
the Texas curriculum, of course. But like in Illinois, we were,
44:00
we were doing, you know, the Macarena and what's like the
44:04
electric slide, Cotton Eye Joe, We were doing the electric
44:10
slide. We were doing Hessler.
44:13
What's the one that's like spin your partner around it?
44:15
That's just kind of standard issue line dance song?
44:18
Yeah, I don't know. Remember, I think we're past
44:20
that phase. But remember when there was like
44:22
a moment there where it was like Gen.
44:24
Z is bringing back line dancing? Thank God that's over.
44:29
That lasted like a couple months and I think we killed it.
44:33
We're not doing that still. Happening.
44:35
In Bushwick, Oh my God, You know what else is happening that I'm
44:38
not kind of a fan of and it's almost related is people wearing
44:42
like increasingly giant performative crosses on their
44:46
necks. Like the increasingly huge
44:50
performative cross necklace is so jarring.
44:56
I don't know, maybe it's just someone with like Catholic, you
44:59
know, reformed Catholic guilt. But like seeing people flapping,
45:04
there's those chains are flapping around.
45:06
Probably fucking what's his face's fault.
45:08
Did they have a cross on in that show?
45:10
Normal people Paul Mescal was that it was just a gold chain.
45:15
I don't remember a cross, but I'm like, I feel like that
45:19
people Paul Mezcal and normal people.
45:22
The gold chain was sort of like a huge moment.
45:24
A lot of people started adopting the gold chain unrelated to my
45:30
gold chain, of course, but I usually keep under the shirt
45:33
because I'm like, why are you showing that when I was in when
45:37
I was in middle school, like CCD, which was like Catholic
45:41
after school class. Don't know what it stands for to
45:43
this day, don't know what it stands for.
45:45
And I'm not going to learn catechism something.
45:48
But as part of there was like an assignment one one year where it
45:53
was like you could choose for blint maybe or something that
45:56
you had to choose between one of like a few different ways of
46:00
showing your faith. And they were like, you could
46:04
say, you know, but it had to be like a public thing.
46:09
And one of the options was to wear like a cross necklace.
46:13
And that felt like the easiest one, the the most low lift one
46:17
for me. I was like, I'll, I'll wear the
46:19
cross. I don't give a shit, I guess.
46:22
But my mom, I had never worn any type of I was like 12.
46:26
I was not walking around with jewelry.
46:29
And so when I asked my mom for like a necklace, she didn't want
46:33
to give me any, like real jewelry.
46:36
So she was like, you can wear this one.
46:38
And it was the most gaudy, like Southern aunt goes to church,
46:45
like huge very feminine cross that I had to wear outside of my
46:52
shirt to middle school did. I have him on it.
46:57
I don't think it was a crucifix, it was just a cross.
47:01
But I, I remember the first day of class when my, it was like my
47:06
8th grade English teacher. I could see her eyes go down to
47:09
it and just the confusion and judgement in her face.
47:14
I was like, girl, I don't know either.
47:19
And then there's definitely a home video of me somewhere
47:22
choreographing a dance with my cousins during that time.
47:25
And that chain just whacking around that thing was causing
47:31
some pretty severe damage to my neck.
47:35
But I just can't help but think of that time in my life whenever
47:40
I see these Gen. Z people walking around with
47:42
like giant ass crosses around their necks in Brooklyn and
47:46
stuff. It's like, what do you where do
47:49
you think you are? I am.
47:51
And the last thing is just they released Dune tickets for
47:56
December, by the way, and people in New York City were lining up
48:00
outside of the one giant iMac screen to get their tickets to a
48:03
movie that doesn't come out for several calendar months.
48:07
OK, it's a full quarter away and you're lining up outside the
48:10
theater. And it's because the AMC fucking
48:12
website doesn't fucking work and they haven't fixed it.
48:15
That's why they're closing down the Kipps Bay 1 is because they
48:17
need to fund a coder who can make their website work.
48:22
I was trying to buy tickets to the IMAX screen and it tell me
48:26
why it made me join a fucking queue.
48:29
Why am I waiting in a ticket line to get tickets to a movie
48:33
theater to see a movie? I don't like this.
48:38
I don't like what it's doing to me.
48:40
I don't like the person it's making me become that I have to
48:43
go in. They said, oh, that your best
48:45
chance at getting tickets to this nice screen is to show up
48:49
in person and to buy it from the kiosk.
48:52
And people were doing that. They had to go.
48:54
And then they were scalpers standing there buying 60 tickets
48:57
at a time. AMCI need Mr. AMC, whoever or
49:02
miss or them, I don't know which.
49:06
I don't know what AMC stands for.
49:08
Get Nicole Kidman on it. Get Nicole Kidman's ass out here
49:11
and tell me why people are allowed to scalp tickets.
49:14
We come to this place for magic. Nicole Kidman, you better get
49:17
your sparkly jumps in out and get into this ticket line and
49:21
tell me why I can't buy tickets or why you're making me do
49:26
fucking four months in advance to get a Dune 3 to just so I can
49:30
see Timothy Chalamet do some stuff with sand.
49:32
And I don't I don't even care about doing that.
49:37
I know Barry's a big Dune fan, but like, I don't even really
49:40
I'm like, I like it. It's just like, this is crazy
49:44
behavior from a movie theater. And and we briefly considered
49:50
going to the Upper West Side to get to get in tickets from the
49:54
kiosk so we wouldn't have to deal with like the online queue.
49:59
And then it turns out there was like several block line, like
50:04
several block long line to buy tickets for Dune because it's,
50:11
you know, IMAX 70mm and this one isn't even fully in.
50:15
I like it wasn't fully shot in IMAX, just certain sequences or
50:18
something. I don't even care.
50:20
It's a movie. It's a movie.
50:24
It's just like a movie. My favorite Harry Styles quote.
50:29
Oh, that's a Harry Styles season in New York.
50:32
His first show is this week. TBD on whether I'm going.
50:38
Anyway, moving on to my what the hey for the week or possibly my
50:44
heck yeah brother deciding on kind of where I land.
50:46
Still up in the air this week. It is another book.
50:50
I'm sorry to the illiterate listeners.
50:53
The illiterate hecklers were said give me recommending books.
50:56
But I finished another book this week.
50:58
I was like, oh, it's a video podcast, I can show the actual
51:01
book. This.
51:03
Every gay guy is reading this right now.
51:07
Fruit Fly by Josh Silver read it very quickly.
51:11
I actually I got the UK 'cause it was initially published in
51:15
the UK and I wanted to read it so bad 'cause I saw UK people
51:18
talking about it. And so I ordered it from Auk
51:22
Bookstore. And then I didn't read it until
51:25
it ended up coming out in the US and could have just bought it
51:27
here. But I'm supporting their
51:29
economy. But it is about this woman who
51:35
wrote a bestseller at some point, has kind of fallen into a
51:40
slump. And so she Googles how to write
51:43
a bestseller. And it says, go gay, go sad, go
51:48
dark. And so she downloads Grinder and
51:52
poses as a gay guy and then kind of starts stalking this gay drug
51:57
addict and their lives become intertwined and she gets in too
52:02
deep. And like, so it's a a thriller,
52:04
but it's also about, you know, who has the right to tell whose
52:10
stories and sort of the way that writers can kind of prey upon
52:14
people that they write about. I spilled some coffee on it.
52:18
Oh, I spilled. I mean, the couch in my living
52:21
room is pretty much a mosaic of every every liquid that's
52:25
entered my apartment has ended up on that couch at some point.
52:28
But I spilt a pretty aggressive amount of coffee this week and
52:32
dig it on the book in part. But yeah.
52:36
So Fruit Fly by Josh Silver. It's definitely one of the big
52:39
books of the moment. And I endorse it.
52:42
This is What the Heck book club endorsement.
52:47
And that's it for this week's What the Heck.
52:48
Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching.
52:51
Be sure to like subscribe, follow, leave us a review, leave
52:55
us a comment only if it's nice. I don't want to hear your shit.
52:58
If you got shit to say, make sure it's about something else
53:02
and call it in to the What the Heck hotline.
53:05
And that's it. See you next week.
53:07
Bye. This has been an episode of What
53:10
the Heck with Matt Bellicide. You can call and leave us a
53:13
voicemail about what's making you say what the heck this week
53:15
and you might be featured on a future episode.
53:18
Call us at 407-984-6288. That's four O 7 WTH Matt.
53:23
What the heck with Matt? Bellicide is produced by same
53:26
boat Studios and Bellicide Productions.
53:28
It's hosted by me, Matt Bellicide.
53:30
Our executive producers are Gabriel Lewis, Barry Finkel and
53:33
me, Matt Bellicide. Erica Glass is our senior
53:35
producer. Our video editors are Matt
53:37
Bellicide in Erica Glass Production designed by Erica
53:40
Glass, Matt Bellisai and Barry Finkel.
53:41
Our theme music is courtesy of epidemicsound.com.
53:44
Special thanks to Truffles Bellisai.