Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / From Financial Rock Bottom to Purpose and Prosperity: Michelle Campbell’s Story of Healing, Hope, and Financial Freedom

Transcript

From Financial Rock Bottom to Purpose and Prosperity: Michelle Campbell’s Story of Healing, Hope, and Financial Freedom · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  I honestly feel like society has set the majority of us up for
• 0:05
  failure because if you think about the percentage of schools
• 0:10
  that aren't offering financial literacy courses, I mean, I
• 0:13
  don't remember being offered financial literacy courses.
• 0:17
  And you're a product of your environment when you're growing
• 0:20
  up, when you're, you know, school age, high school and even
• 0:23
  college. And so, you know, I'm a product
• 0:26
  of a divorced single mother who just felt like she had that.
• 0:30
  She didn't want to depend on anyone.
• 0:32
  She didn't want to use the available resources that
• 0:36
  actually she might have qualified for.
• 0:38
  She wanted to do it on her own. And her solution was just work
• 0:41
  harder, get an extra job and so and, and make it happen.
• 0:46
  And so I learned from that. She did actually, though, teach
• 0:51
  me budgeting. One of the biggest things that
• 0:54
  she taught me that I still use today is she taught me
• 0:56
  couponing. But in a mindset of survival,
• 1:01
  you lose those things because you're just trying to.
• 1:04
  I remember when I was just trying to get to the next hour
• 1:07
  of the day. I couldn't even think about the
• 1:09
  next day or the next week or the next month.
• 1:12
  But you know, with society not offering it as you're growing
• 1:16
  up, and if your parents don't have it, then you're not
• 1:19
  learning it. Hello and welcome back to the
• 1:21
  Field podcast. Today I'm your host, Melissa
• 1:24
  Crook, and I'm so excited about this next guest.
• 1:28
  She is just when I I got to meet her via Google Meet a few weeks
• 1:35
  back, it's been gosh, longer than I thought as I started
• 1:37
  looking at my crazy spring. She was brought to me by
• 1:41
  publicist Jimmy Dwyer, and I just was so impressed with her
• 1:47
  and just connected with her right away.
• 1:49
  And she's one of the This is why I love women.
• 1:52
  We take those. Things.
• 1:54
  That are hard and that we learned from and that we didn't
• 1:58
  have resources for. And we learn and we heal and we
• 2:03
  become the resource. We become the voice.
• 2:06
  We, we, we magnify what needs to be heard so that other people
• 2:12
  aren't feeling alone in it. We remind them that they don't
• 2:16
  have to do this in isolation or shame or frustration or fear.
• 2:21
  And that's exactly what Michelle Campbell has done with her life,
• 2:26
  with her purpose, with her mission.
• 2:28
  So much to share with her today as we share her story and her
• 2:33
  why and values and how it's so succinctly aligned with all the
• 2:38
  things that she has to offer women.
• 2:41
  And so that's a little bit of a sneak peek into what's to come.
• 2:46
  But Michelle describes herself as a serial entrepreneur.
• 2:50
  She gets bored easy. So she needs those things to
• 2:52
  keep her going. She's a learner, she's curious,
• 2:56
  she's purpose filled. Michelle Campbell, welcome to
• 2:59
  the Field podcast. Thank you so much for having me,
• 3:02
  I am so excited. I I don't, I don't.
• 3:05
  Me too. Me too.
• 3:06
  Let's get it started. Talk to me about your journey
• 3:10
  with prioritizing self-care in your life.
• 3:14
  Your Rd's been bumpy so this is something you had to to go
• 3:19
  through some stuff to get to. So talk to me about that
• 3:23
  journey. Right.
• 3:25
  So with all of the traumatic situations that I've been
• 3:30
  through and I mean the the biggest, most debilitating thing
• 3:35
  was this constant cycle of debt that was just following me for I
• 3:39
  mean, at this point I'm 45 and that was 21 years of my life.
• 3:42
  So it kind of like half of my life.
• 3:45
  And through that, what I didn't realize was the the thing that
• 3:51
  I've always done has been to journal and meditate and try to
• 3:55
  just understand even things that I don't agree with, that I can
• 3:58
  understand, it helps me. And so that's something that
• 4:01
  I've done my whole life, but I never realized that that was
• 4:03
  actually the key to getting out of all of that.
• 4:08
  And so through all of it and the journaling, once I started just
• 4:14
  focusing on myself and that so it, it empowers me so much.
• 4:18
  I mean, whenever I'm confused, whenever I'm lost, whenever I'm
• 4:20
  tired, whenever I'm not motivated, I mean, that's what I
• 4:23
  do first is just journal. That is what helped me get
• 4:28
  through it and just kind of face it and and see how everything
• 4:33
  connects and works together and find out why is this happening
• 4:38
  and what is this supposed to. It's not really about the why.
• 4:42
  I've said this earlier this week or even today probably, but I
• 4:47
  try not to focus on the why. Like I asked myself the why, but
• 4:51
  really the answer and the what. What is this supposed to be
• 4:54
  teaching me? What is this supposed to be?
• 4:57
  What is this supposed to be helping me with?
• 5:00
  Yeah, well, would you reframe it that way?
• 5:03
  It helps you to be more curious rather than like, why is this
• 5:07
  happening to me? It's like what you know that
• 5:10
  that reframe can be really a powerful mind shift.
• 5:14
  Talk to me about the importance and what you've learned about
• 5:19
  healthy boundaries in your life. Your first 21 years.
• 5:23
  There was a lot there were I would I would venture to say
• 5:27
  there prop that probably wasn't in existence modeled to you or
• 5:32
  anyone teaching you how to do it yourself.
• 5:35
  Right. So I didn't realize this for a
• 5:38
  long time, but I had a lot of codependency issues and I think
• 5:42
  that I still have fragments of it.
• 5:44
  I mean, you know, life is still lifing.
• 5:46
  I am not like 1000% cured, you know, but the awareness is just,
• 5:53
  it helps empower me just to be aware and to notice it.
• 5:57
  But that codependency, I really didn't have any kind.
• 6:00
  I didn't know who I was supposed to be.
• 6:02
  And so I was constantly just changing myself to adapt to
• 6:06
  whoever I was with, whatever environment that I was with.
• 6:09
  And so I don't even really think I had any boundaries.
• 6:12
  And that never occurred to me until actually just recently
• 6:16
  about a year ago. And I was in this relationship
• 6:20
  and I was just letting things slide that today I'm thinking,
• 6:24
  why did I even let you know? Why did I let somebody talk me
• 6:27
  out of this? Why did I do this?
• 6:29
  And it was because I didn't have any boundaries.
• 6:31
  And so that's actually something that I am actively working on
• 6:34
  still. I am so a work in progress.
• 6:36
  Yeah. But I mean, back back in, in the
• 6:41
  past and the, the, the things that I'm trying to help others
• 6:46
  and connect with others on that lack of boundaries like nearly
• 6:50
  killed me because you, you don't have a way to turn you.
• 6:54
  You don't if you don't have any boundaries for yourself.
• 6:56
  I mean, you're like an open vessel for everybody to impact.
• 7:01
  And that's something that a really good friend of mine, like
• 7:04
  just helped me identify with. And she said when you don't have
• 7:07
  those boundaries, then you're this open vessel for everybody
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  to have access to, where when you have those boundaries, it
• 7:13
  kind of creates this hedge around you.
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  So sometimes you're not even approached by people that aren't
• 7:20
  for you. Yeah, because you're not in such
• 7:23
  a Yeah, you're in such a vulnerable state.
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  And so you're you really become prey to the wrong kinds of
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  people and the wrong kinds of relationships.
• 7:34
  Correct, correct. And you may not even rule.
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  I didn't realize it for a long time and I know now with those
• 7:41
  boundaries, it's almost like I think that everybody can relate
• 7:44
  to being in a bar and everybody hitting on you versus when you
• 7:49
  have boundaries in the back of your mind, you feel like, oh, I
• 7:53
  must be the ugliest person in the world because nobody's
• 7:55
  hitting on me. But no, it is those boundaries
• 7:58
  and the people that normally would, you know, you're just
• 8:02
  another number and hit on you. They can almost sense it, they
• 8:05
  can feel it. It's almost like an aura around
• 8:07
  you where you are then not unapproachable in the sense of
• 8:12
  not being warm and approachable, but unapproachable in a sense of
• 8:16
  you're definitely out of their league and they won't even try.
• 8:20
  Yeah. We need to do that with life and
• 8:23
  I've been working on that, currently actively working on
• 8:26
  that in my life and really trying to, for the first time in
• 8:30
  life, define what are my boundaries because I never
• 8:33
  really had any. Yeah, I can relate to that.
• 8:36
  I did not realize boundaries as a part of my language until I
• 8:42
  was close to 50. So that's a lot.
• 8:45
  And, you know, it's just one of those things that wasn't
• 8:47
  language for it a lot, I think, until probably 10 to 15 years
• 8:51
  ago. But also when you come up with
• 8:54
  those codependent relationships and you're just trying to keep
• 8:57
  yourself emotionally safe in different environments, that's
• 9:02
  the last thing you're thinking about.
• 9:03
  You're just trying to morph into whatever it is you need to be to
• 9:07
  survive those different moments. And so, you know, you don't even
• 9:11
  have the opportunity to explore that.
• 9:13
  But yeah, I hear you on like this framework.
• 9:16
  I tell people all the time, I'm like this framework Ioffer to
• 9:19
  people because I needed it first and I still need it.
• 9:22
  So do not think I have a right. I am.
• 9:26
  I am working. I am a work in process and still
• 9:29
  figuring this out too. But yeah, I think it's that that
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  realization. And then once you acknowledge it
• 9:34
  and you know it, then you can address it.
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  But this really goes nice into you and just really want to
• 9:39
  really get into, you know, taking care of our emotional,
• 9:42
  mental, physical, spiritual health.
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  We don't talk enough about how financial health and knowledge
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  impacts these other areas and the lack of that that is
• 9:55
  available when we're younger especially.
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  I think we need to talk more about the impacts of
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  generational, well, even that has been passed on for
• 10:07
  generations. The impacts of systems that we
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  might be doing all the things we can, but the impacts of systems
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  that keep us from being able to move forward because we don't
• 10:18
  have this education. My daughters, two of my three
• 10:21
  daughters, my oldest didn't get this because she was at a
• 10:23
  different high school, but my middle daughter and youngest
• 10:26
  daughter had a financial literacy course that they had to
• 10:29
  take at their high school before they can graduate.
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  And I was like, how are we not at Oak Park River Forest High
• 10:36
  School in Oak Park, IL? Kudos to you.
• 10:38
  I don't know why I never had it and we didn't have it at the
• 10:43
  previous high school we were at. You don't see it very often.
• 10:46
  Like how are we not talking about this?
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  Why are we assuming that kids are getting this at home?
• 10:51
  They make, I mean, and it's such an important point.
• 10:56
  This has become a really important part of your work and
• 11:00
  being a resource. But talk to me about that impact
• 11:05
  of not having that information has on that mental, emotional,
• 11:10
  physical, spiritual health journey and your ability to to
• 11:14
  move forward and and be free and exist in the world the way you
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  want to. Right.
• 11:20
  I mean, it is everybody's foundation.
• 11:24
  If you are not financially literate, then you cannot become
• 11:29
  financially stable. And that affects everything,
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  especially emotional health. I think emotional health before
• 11:36
  everything else, because one side of it is if you're not
• 11:40
  talking about it and you know, we, we don't talk about these
• 11:44
  things, no one's talking to you about what's your credit score,
• 11:50
  but we should because that's absolutely, it connects us.
• 11:53
  And so because you don't have that outlet, you feel very alone
• 11:58
  and you feel shameful of it. And there's no way to get rid of
• 12:02
  that negative energy. And so you're, you're almost,
• 12:04
  you're, you're this facade to everybody around you because you
• 12:09
  have all this inner turmoil going on, whether it's dead,
• 12:13
  whether it's, you know, credit cards being too charged, of
• 12:18
  whether it's defaulting on a loan, regardless of what did it
• 12:22
  live in paycheck to paycheck, not having money for an
• 12:24
  emergency. I mean, it's, you don't have to
• 12:26
  necessarily be in debt to fill it, but because you're not
• 12:31
  talking about it, then you feel alone and you feel shameful and
• 12:34
  then you get depressed and then that's affecting your
• 12:38
  relationships. You're not showing up the way
• 12:39
  that you need to in relationships, One, because
• 12:42
  you're not being transparent, you're not being authentic 2
• 12:46
  because you're hiding the reality of the financial
• 12:49
  situation. And so maybe there is a time
• 12:51
  that you couldn't afford to go to lunch, but you're going
• 12:53
  anyway, which is putting you digging your grave deeper, you
• 12:58
  know, and, and so I feel like that is the, the, the first step
• 13:04
  with everybody. It's, it's our overall
• 13:06
  foundation. And then even with work, I mean,
• 13:09
  when you think about your mood that you're in, if you're on the
• 13:14
  way to work and you're finding out, oh, your, your phone is
• 13:17
  getting disconnected or your car is getting repossessed tomorrow
• 13:21
  or something, you're not showing up at work properly because
• 13:24
  that's on the back. And you know, in your mind.
• 13:26
  And I mean, it just creates this like hamster will never ending
• 13:29
  cycle. And that's exactly where I was
• 13:32
  and I didn't realize it. And now, like, I'm actually
• 13:35
  really happy that I had the courage to be as transparent as
• 13:40
  I was because, I mean, all the things that I talk about, I was,
• 13:43
  I planned on taking to the grave.
• 13:45
  And, you know, just me, myself. And I was working on it clearly
• 13:49
  me, myself. And I did not know it all.
• 13:51
  And that was not working for me. And so at my very rock bottom,
• 13:57
  it was just like, so why don't we try to be this 100 that
• 14:01
  everybody claims they're being today in the world?
• 14:04
  Why don't we be honest about it? I mean, what?
• 14:06
  What's there to hide now? Yeah.
• 14:09
  I mean, you know, I mean, and I feel like, well, what makes me
• 14:13
  laugh about that is celebrities. And so they don't have a choice.
• 14:19
  You know, like you become famous and then all of a sudden it's in
• 14:22
  the news that you filed bankruptcy.
• 14:24
  So if we're finding out, you know, and people are almost like
• 14:28
  shaming them for it or making fun of them for it.
• 14:31
  And they didn't even have the choice to publicly announce this
• 14:34
  very personal information. But actually, it's happening to
• 14:37
  more than us than we realize, more of us than we realize.
• 14:40
  And we should have these conversations because I've been
• 14:43
  saying this forever, that it's the one thing that connects us
• 14:47
  when you are with people that you love and that you trust and
• 14:50
  you know, your family and your close friends, we should talk
• 14:54
  about, you know, so what's your credit score?
• 14:56
  What's your interest rate on your on on your mortgage?
• 14:59
  Is your house paid off? What's your retirement account
• 15:02
  looking like? Where are you investing in?
• 15:04
  These are the conversations that we should be having.
• 15:07
  Yeah, and normalizing them. And.
• 15:10
  And then being honest and authentic of like, yeah, we're
• 15:13
  living paycheck to paycheck right now.
• 15:15
  We made some decisions in 2005, and I say 2009.
• 15:19
  I know that's 20 years ago, but you make decisions in 2005 about
• 15:24
  whether you're going to stay home for a while when the third
• 15:26
  kid is born or whether you're going to continue to pay that
• 15:29
  cost, you know, for this car because you think you need to
• 15:33
  have this thing for this job to look this way.
• 15:37
  I mean, these things have a long term impacts because they, it's
• 15:40
  a trickle down effect that happens.
• 15:43
  Let's talk about that, normalize it, learn those lessons and then
• 15:46
  get start talking. And this is something I, I wish
• 15:49
  we had done more proactively with our daughters.
• 15:53
  We didn't completely not do it, but we did, you know, looking
• 15:56
  back now, knowing what I know now, I'm even getting in a
• 16:00
  little early. We got a little bit bailed out
• 16:02
  with the second and third one because I got the financial
• 16:04
  literacy course in high school. But you know, just realizing,
• 16:08
  let's normalize these conversations when they're
• 16:11
  young, talk about openly, if there's such a like a privacy
• 16:16
  and I get up, sure, I understand privacy to a certain point, but
• 16:20
  not to the point. We we over privatize the the
• 16:25
  financial conversation to a point that people don't feel
• 16:28
  like they can be honest about it.
• 16:29
  They feel embarrassed and they don't, you know, you don't
• 16:32
  realize it's like the what you see on the surface isn't always
• 16:36
  what you get those that neighborhood you drive through
• 16:39
  with the nicest house and the nicest car could have a pile of
• 16:44
  debt for days. And and because again, we don't
• 16:49
  have a healthy conversation or relationship with financial
• 16:53
  literacy and what it looks like to do it in a smart way,
• 16:57
  starting when we're very young. So we can just continue to
• 17:00
  create on this facade and build the shame.
• 17:02
  It, it, it, it erupts relationships with ourselves,
• 17:05
  with others. And there's so many layers to
• 17:08
  it. And.
• 17:10
  And you saw this and you became a solution for it, which which
• 17:14
  burst, you know, the whole, the work you're doing with your
• 17:17
  nonprofit. But you also, on the flip side,
• 17:20
  you've written a very, very authentic, organic, vulnerable
• 17:24
  book about your life and what you've learned to address those
• 17:29
  parts of the mental, emotional, physical health part of your
• 17:33
  life and open up about that. To create more safe spaces for
• 17:37
  people to have these conversations about these things
• 17:41
  that we learned, the healing that needs to happen so that
• 17:44
  again, it's creating multiple spaces for people to be invited
• 17:49
  into these conversations. Right.
• 17:52
  I honestly feel like society has set the majority of us up for
• 17:57
  failure because if you think about the percentage of schools
• 18:02
  that aren't offering financial literacy courses, I mean, I
• 18:05
  don't remember being offered financial literacy courses.
• 18:09
  And you're a product of your environment when you're growing
• 18:12
  up, when you're, you know, school age, high school and even
• 18:15
  college. And so, you know, I'm a product
• 18:18
  of a divorced single mother who just felt like she had that.
• 18:22
  She didn't want to depend on anyone.
• 18:24
  She didn't want to use the available resources that
• 18:28
  actually she might have qualified for.
• 18:29
  She wanted to do it on her her own, and her solution was just
• 18:33
  work harder, get an extra job and so and and make it happen.
• 18:38
  And so I learned from that. She did actually, though, teach
• 18:43
  me budgeting. One of the biggest things that
• 18:46
  she taught me that I still use today is she taught me
• 18:48
  couponing, but in a mindset of survival, you lose those things
• 18:54
  because you're just trying to. I remember when I was just
• 18:57
  trying to get to the next hour of the day.
• 19:00
  I couldn't even think about the next day or the next week or the
• 19:03
  next month. But you know, with society not
• 19:06
  offering it as you're growing up, and if your parents don't
• 19:10
  have it, then you're not learning it.
• 19:11
  And I think that we all have kind of become comfortable with
• 19:16
  you get a job, you try to do the best you can and you try to make
• 19:20
  a decent amount. But if you're in debt, Oh well,
• 19:23
  then I just need to make more money.
• 19:25
  But we're missing the whole reality of if you are not
• 19:30
  financially literate, then you cannot create that financial
• 19:34
  stability. And so more money is not going
• 19:35
  to going to fix it. Yeah, and sometimes it adds to
• 19:39
  it because you just keep spending more instead of taking
• 19:42
  that and and and going in and putting it to kind of solve the
• 19:46
  problems that were created up to that point.
• 19:49
  So true. And I, you know, and one of the
• 19:51
  things that areas of people and I think there's so many
• 19:55
  misunderstandings about this. It is a lot easier to become
• 20:00
  homeless because of financial challenges than most people
• 20:04
  realize. And that's a key component that
• 20:08
  you address with your work. Talk to me about how that get
• 20:12
  that became a reality of this is that this is needs to be part of
• 20:17
  this. This area and system that I am
• 20:21
  addressing as I provide these resources.
• 20:24
  Right. So there were several different
• 20:28
  things that happened that kind of opened my eyes to we, we
• 20:34
  assume, I think that almost everybody assumes that there are
• 20:38
  resources out there to help you. Yes, there are, but they're also
• 20:44
  kind of I'm having a brain part on the word that I want to use,
• 20:51
  but there everybody's not eligible.
• 20:53
  Just let me say. Right.
• 20:55
  And I became, you know what, what I learned and what I was
• 20:59
  gathering from all of this was I was in that group of people that
• 21:02
  were not eligible because, God forbid, I worked and somehow I
• 21:05
  made too much money to qualify. I was not sick.
• 21:09
  I did not have an addiction. I was not retirement age.
• 21:13
  I did not have any kids. I was not a veteran.
• 21:16
  And that whole demographic, it's kind of left out.
• 21:20
  And I specifically remember, I think it was like my second or
• 21:27
  third eviction because I experienced five of them, but I
• 21:31
  think it was like the second or third one.
• 21:33
  And I humbled myself and I went to this organization for rent
• 21:37
  assistance and the lady said that my rent was too high and I
• 21:42
  just needed to move. And I'm thinking, well, clearly,
• 21:44
  but how am I going to have the money to move if I'm about to
• 21:47
  get infected and I don't have the money for?
• 21:50
  Rent. And then it's different in every
• 21:54
  state, but in Georgia, the housing assistance programs are
• 21:58
  run almost like a lottery. And so you just have to hope and
• 22:03
  pray that your name is going to pop up when they have
• 22:06
  eligibility and when they have housing.
• 22:08
  And of course, first they're looking at those that they feel
• 22:12
  are most vulnerable, which are those those different groups
• 22:15
  that I just mentioned. And I wasn't included in that
• 22:18
  group. And I'm thinking how unfair
• 22:20
  because then that means that not just me, but there's a lot of
• 22:24
  individuals, including married couples that are left out
• 22:27
  because you make too much, you earn too much to qualify for
• 22:30
  these government assistance programs that are supposed to be
• 22:33
  available for everybody. And I just decided that that's
• 22:36
  not fair. You know, what about what about
• 22:38
  that big demographic that's getting left out?
• 22:40
  What are they supposed to do? And what if they were not
• 22:44
  surrounded by individuals and family members and workers that
• 22:48
  could help them teach them become financially literate and
• 22:51
  what, you know, who was there to give them the leg up?
• 22:55
  And I just, I mean, it still angers me because my heart goes
• 22:58
  out because that's a lot of us that are living out there with
• 23:02
  those circumstances. And I mean, even if you have
• 23:05
  kids, if you make too much like you don't qualify, but that
• 23:07
  doesn't mean that you shouldn't be eligible for a grant to help
• 23:12
  you build emergency savings or even taught about emergency
• 23:16
  savings and how to build a retirement fund and how to
• 23:19
  invest and how to make a budget. Those things should just be
• 23:23
  readily available to all of us. And the the industry itself.
• 23:29
  I feel there there are people, hats off to Dave Ramsey, who are
• 23:34
  fortunately writing financial books that everybody can
• 23:39
  understand. But before then, the language
• 23:42
  and the jargon and the communities that they were in
• 23:45
  were just so far from everybody else.
• 23:48
  It was like a haves and a have nots society within, you know,
• 23:53
  all of us. And so it's like, where are you
• 23:57
  supposed to get this help? And so we've like just accepted,
• 24:00
  well, I get a second job and I guess we'll just, you know, work
• 24:04
  to pay down this debt. And that's what life is.
• 24:06
  But that's not what life is. I mean, that's not what
• 24:09
  financial freedom is. And I'm not even talking about
• 24:12
  from having millions and being able to work 2 hours one day a
• 24:16
  week. I'm talking about just the very
• 24:18
  basics of having an emergency fund, knowing that your bills
• 24:23
  are paid and that you can enjoy your life and live peacefully
• 24:27
  and feel fulfilled. Yeah, and having your nervous
• 24:30
  system at that set because the working war is a very real thing
• 24:35
  in this country and we don't talk about it enough.
• 24:39
  There are too many people out there working 2-3 jobs, 12 to 16
• 24:45
  hours a day, six and seven days a week, just to, to try to make
• 24:50
  it day-to-day, week to week, month to month, to have enough
• 24:53
  food on the table to, to, to be able to meet very basic needs.
• 24:59
  And the stress that that involves going back to that
• 25:02
  mental, emotional, physical health, the impacts of that and
• 25:07
  system suggests give people a chance to and like you said, get
• 25:11
  a leg up and, and we're missing the mark on that.
• 25:14
  But that's where you became a resource.
• 25:16
  And that's what I love so much about you and your story.
• 25:19
  You saw this needle like there is a huge gap here and and we
• 25:24
  have got to start talking about that which goes so nicely into
• 25:29
  you, how you show up for yourself unapologetically and
• 25:32
  you support others in doing so. You became the resource that you
• 25:37
  did not see. Talk to me about that journey
• 25:39
  between you being able to get yourself out of that situation
• 25:46
  and then the evolution of you like I can also now be a
• 25:50
  resource to other people. We shouldn't have to live like
• 25:54
  this. Right.
• 25:55
  So while I was still in that constant cycle of, of debt, I
• 26:02
  wanted so badly to. I'm a very spiritual person.
• 26:06
  And I was trying to, you know, buy the letter, follow all of
• 26:11
  God's laws and what he expects us to do.
• 26:16
  Because I'm thinking, you know, this has got to work.
• 26:18
  I need something that works. Yeah, I'm doing everything that
• 26:24
  I can. And the one thing that I wasn't
• 26:26
  able to do during that time was tithe and survive.
• 26:30
  And now it just makes me laugh because if I would have tithe,
• 26:34
  then I, I would have had the 90% to live off of.
• 26:38
  It just would have been done for me.
• 26:40
  I didn't know that then. But so back home, I just started
• 26:44
  doing outreach on my own just out of true compassion because
• 26:49
  you know, they, they always say that no matter what you're going
• 26:52
  through and no matter where you are in life, that there's always
• 26:56
  someone else that would rather be where you are.
• 26:59
  So there's always someone else doing worse than you.
• 27:02
  And, and you know, and I couldn't even imagine that, you
• 27:05
  know, but on my own, I just would perform random acts, small
• 27:10
  random acts of kindness. I would, you know, and I didn't
• 27:14
  even know these people, true strangers.
• 27:17
  Maybe I could have gotten hustled a couple times.
• 27:19
  I don't know. I didn't care because I knew
• 27:21
  that I went up with a pure heart.
• 27:23
  But then I just always told myself one day I'm going to do
• 27:26
  this on a bigger on a larger platform, be able to do it
• 27:30
  bigger. I had no idea that it would
• 27:32
  morph into this. But so and Fast forward to my
• 27:37
  rock bottom I was experiencing. I had that day I experienced my
• 27:42
  4th repossession and it was so funny.
• 27:45
  I kept looking out the window like.
• 27:46
  Car really gone. I thought, I'm going to wake up.
• 27:51
  I know I am. I know I am.
• 27:53
  Yeah. Is this a dream?
• 27:55
  Yeah. So back then I worked as a
• 27:57
  driver. So I mean, I it really was
• 27:59
  upside down because it was the middle of the month, rent was
• 28:03
  going to be due soon. Now I have no car to go and work
• 28:07
  and earn money. And I had like around like
• 28:11
  $190.00 in my account. And probably, and this was
• 28:14
  between like maybe 3 or 4 accounts and probably less than
• 28:17
  that if I counted overdrafts and stuff like that.
• 28:20
  But so I was forced into this isolation that actually ended up
• 28:24
  changing my life forever. And following that whole
• 28:28
  spiritual desire, I cold Turkey put myself on a spiritual 21 day
• 28:36
  bootless fabs, which came at perfect timing.
• 28:41
  Just being funny about that because I had just gone grocery
• 28:44
  shopping. So I had all these brand new
• 28:45
  groceries and the next day, literally I'm going to put
• 28:49
  myself on this foodless fast. But you know, I say, you know,
• 28:53
  I, I was desperate. I mean, it really came out of
• 28:56
  desperation. I'm like, I, I don't know what
• 28:58
  to do. And I mean, I need to just try
• 29:01
  this. And those 21 days changed my
• 29:04
  life. And it was over those 21 days of
• 29:06
  just being in my head and journaling and trying to connect
• 29:13
  the the what with the why and figure out how to get out of
• 29:16
  that, that it was rebuild. The purpose was revealed that it
• 29:20
  wasn't I was, yes, the the carnal side or the reality was,
• 29:25
  yes, I made some bad decisions and maybe overspent different
• 29:29
  times, but I wasn't living a reckless life.
• 29:31
  And so, yeah, that's basically what put me there.
• 29:34
  But the spiritual meaning behind it was so was was just greater
• 29:38
  than that. Because then I realized and put
• 29:41
  together that, Oh yeah, I do want to help other people
• 29:44
  through this. And it made me more relatable to
• 29:49
  be able to go through it. No, I don't think that anybody
• 29:51
  would take me seriously if I'm telling them you can get out of
• 29:55
  $500,000 worth of debt. If I had never, you know, been
• 29:59
  homeless and had the repossessions in the
• 30:01
  bankruptcies or anything. No, people be looking at me
• 30:03
  like, please girl, like let's talk to someone real.
• 30:07
  So I saw that as the spiritual connection and the spiritual
• 30:11
  reason why. And I immediately started making
• 30:16
  a plan. I mean, I had nothing else to
• 30:17
  do. I couldn't go anywhere.
• 30:18
  I just have a car. So I, you know, I, I journal,
• 30:23
  I've been journaling my whole life, but you know, I just took
• 30:26
  out notebook paper and just started writing down all the
• 30:32
  debt. I call that knowing your
• 30:33
  numbers. And you know, that's, I stress
• 30:36
  that to everyone, you need to know what your credit score is.
• 30:38
  You need to know what's on that credit report.
• 30:40
  We get a free one every year from all three bureaus.
• 30:43
  You need to know how much interest you're paying.
• 30:46
  I mean, maybe you can negotiate it down.
• 30:47
  Maybe you can get a payment arrangement.
• 30:50
  You know, there's different things.
• 30:51
  And so I just started facing it. I was running from things and
• 30:54
  kind of, you know, just trying to always play catch up.
• 30:57
  But it made it more real to face it during that that time.
• 31:01
  And I had the time, I opened up a ton of mail from years and
• 31:05
  years that hadn't been opened, old credit cards and made a
• 31:08
  spreadsheet. And then I started actively
• 31:11
  calling those creditors and working out payment plans,
• 31:15
  negotiating with them. And I always tell people this,
• 31:18
  too, when you can't make a payment or when you're in
• 31:22
  trouble, call them first. Don't just not answer the phone
• 31:25
  like me and ignore the mail and ignore the mails because they're
• 31:28
  actually willing to work with you.
• 31:30
  But they start getting mean and it hurts you on both sides.
• 31:34
  It hurts your credit, it hurts you mentally, and it hurts your
• 31:37
  relationship with them when you just become Mia.
• 31:40
  Yeah. Yeah, so the deer and the shame
• 31:43
  key. I know you get scared.
• 31:47
  Yeah, I know it's scary, but so that's really all I did to
• 31:51
  start. Like it was not rocket science,
• 31:53
  but it it almost just never occurred to me to do that.
• 31:58
  And so once I faced it and I knew what what I was dealing
• 32:03
  with and I started actively using a budget that I learned
• 32:07
  years ago just was not putting it in place because I felt like
• 32:10
  I was too underwater. You still got to do a budget
• 32:13
  even when you sell water because you still need to know what's
• 32:16
  coming in and what's now in order to be able to pay down the
• 32:20
  things that are strangling you. But it's almost like
• 32:23
  spiritually, once I went through that, it literally felt like I
• 32:27
  went to sleep one day and then I woke up and then all of it was
• 32:30
  different. I was waiting on a payment from
• 32:34
  someone that was deposited early.
• 32:38
  I went to pay my utility bill and there was like this
• 32:41
  mysterious credit. I guess maybe I had overpaid and
• 32:44
  I'm like, maybe that was from I used to round like average my
• 32:48
  bills. Yeah, you know, so I wouldn't
• 32:51
  pay what the bill was. I would actually pay more
• 32:53
  because I was averaging it by three months.
• 32:55
  And so, yeah, I did have a credit, but that came at perfect
• 32:57
  time, you know, in the perfect time.
• 33:00
  Even though my car was just recently repossessed because it
• 33:03
  wasn't reported to my credit report gave me leverage to get a
• 33:06
  better, nicer car because that was always the bill was the car
• 33:10
  was constantly breaking down. But I worked for a living, so
• 33:13
  it's and I only have the bankruptcies to keep keep the
• 33:17
  car like so stupid. The attorney tried to talk me
• 33:21
  out of it. He's like, you don't even have
• 33:22
  enough debt to declare bankruptcy.
• 33:25
  And I'm like, but it's the only way I can keep my car.
• 33:27
  So it's like, do you make the bankruptcy payment to avoid the
• 33:29
  repair the repossession? Or do you fix the car so that
• 33:33
  it's safe to drive for work? You can only do one.
• 33:36
  Which one do you do? Yeah, Yeah.
• 33:39
  You know, but so, but because it wasn't reported to my credit
• 33:43
  report, I was able to get a newer, nicer car, which put me
• 33:46
  back on the road and enough time to be able to pay rent on time.
• 33:49
  And then things just started getting better.
• 33:51
  But I think that the act of facing it and seeing what I was
• 33:55
  dealing with and calling and trying to make arrangements,
• 33:59
  it's what started it. Because then I didn't feel like,
• 34:03
  well, I wasn't running from it, but then it didn't feel like it
• 34:06
  was like this elephant in the room, in the in the room
• 34:12
  anymore. Yeah, yeah.
• 34:14
  This insurmountable thing that you couldn't get around but
• 34:17
  didn't know how to address or talk about.
• 34:19
  Yeah, absolutely. And and just the freedom and
• 34:22
  having a plan, I think that yeah, absolutely not feeling
• 34:28
  imprisoned by your situation anymore.
• 34:30
  So from from that point to the point you are now where you
• 34:34
  established your non nonprofit and and me this resource
• 34:38
  available and you're I mean, you are you work in the financial
• 34:42
  world now you went. I mean, you went to.
• 34:43
  School you cut all the knowledge and this really put projected
• 34:48
  you down the road to not only empower yourself but empower
• 34:53
  others. So talk to tell me about that
• 34:55
  evolution. Yeah, so I had no idea.
• 34:58
  You know, I've been an entrepreneur since college and I
• 35:03
  had no idea in back then because I could not afford ACPA and an
• 35:07
  attorney. I was doing all my own research
• 35:11
  and I was self-taught in getting all the legal different
• 35:17
  logistical paperwork filled out for the businesses and you know,
• 35:21
  doing my own accounting, my own payroll, my own taxes.
• 35:24
  And so I was just kind of self-taught and I didn't value
• 35:27
  it. I didn't think, you know, I'm
• 35:28
  thinking this is what everybody does.
• 35:30
  Like this is what you're supposed to do.
• 35:31
  It's not as easy as like just choosing a business name and
• 35:35
  going out and doing what you're going to do.
• 35:37
  Like there is the whole legal side background to it too, that
• 35:41
  you either need to hire somebody that knows or you need to figure
• 35:43
  it out yourself. But I had no idea that by doing
• 35:46
  that at an early age would then morph me later now into having a
• 35:54
  whole financial services firm while I was still underwater.
• 36:01
  A friend had recommended that we go and work in tax during, you
• 36:07
  know, just the seasonal tax season.
• 36:10
  She was a, or is she's still a math teacher for gifted
• 36:15
  students. And I went to school for pre Med
• 36:18
  and then engineering. So, you know, tons of math in my
• 36:23
  background and I thought, you know, yeah, I mean, I could cuz
• 36:27
  I need a second job, let's go and do this.
• 36:29
  But I fell head over heels in love with the industry and then
• 36:34
  made it my duty to go and get every certification.
• 36:38
  And then that morphed into me actually going and getting
• 36:40
  credentialed with the IRS and we're putting that knowledge
• 36:45
  together with all the businesses that I started in trial and
• 36:49
  error and learning from my mistakes, then basically gave me
• 36:56
  the tools to help people in the financial industry.
• 37:00
  I would have never put it together like that.
• 37:03
  And, you know, everything that we have is purposed and it's not
• 37:07
  lost. It's meant to be used for
• 37:08
  something. We just need to, you know, I
• 37:10
  never would have put that together.
• 37:12
  If you would have told me 20 years ago that this is what I
• 37:14
  was going to be doing, I wouldn't have believed it for
• 37:16
  one second. I mean, I just, I just wouldn't
• 37:19
  have, especially when I was going through that, all that
• 37:22
  death. There's no lady who would have
• 37:25
  been able to convince me that you're going to be able to help
• 37:28
  get people out of debt one day and you're going to be able to
• 37:32
  teach them how to invest. I mean, seriously.
• 37:36
  But so. There's that side of it.
• 37:40
  But while I was going through that fast and writing down just
• 37:45
  kind of all the major turning points in life, I realized that
• 37:49
  I had been in that situation for exactly 21 years.
• 37:53
  And I just thought it ironic that I was in the middle of a 21
• 37:58
  day fast and I just, I would call my mom every day and I was
• 38:02
  almost like I could not put it in the words.
• 38:05
  I still can't. I mean, that was the hardest
• 38:07
  part writing the book was how do I how like this?
• 38:12
  It it it felt really supernatural and purpose because
• 38:15
  then as soon as I put it together, like I really mean it,
• 38:18
  it's almost like it never even happened.
• 38:21
  It almost like had a bad dream. But so from that I decided, you
• 38:25
  know, I need to to tell people about this.
• 38:28
  This is too good to keep to myself because I have found my
• 38:34
  purpose in life by going through this.
• 38:36
  And that's one thing that I always tell people, whatever
• 38:40
  your your passion is and merged with what challenges you the
• 38:47
  most is part of your purpose. You just have to look deeper
• 38:50
  than what it is on the surface. They go hand in hand.
• 38:54
  They. Do and the and I and I love to
• 38:56
  help people and I had already like I said, I just saw it as
• 38:59
  giving back. I didn't know that it was going
• 39:02
  to go into this, but love to give back.
• 39:06
  I'm good in finance now, like I, I actually can teach you a few
• 39:09
  things and I have the experience and I definitely am the person
• 39:13
  to tell you what not to do. I've gone and made all the
• 39:15
  mistakes for everyone. And so I wrote the book to, to,
• 39:21
  to tell that. And the book is the story behind
• 39:23
  the cause. And so that's what #stability.
• 39:27
  And we help with all topics and company are encompassing
• 39:32
  financial literacy. So that is budgeting, that is
• 39:36
  credit repair, that is retirement, that is investing
• 39:41
  and the mental health element of it.
• 39:44
  Because going through it, I mean, I was nearly suicidal
• 39:47
  twice just out of the depression from being broke.
• 39:51
  I mean, it's not. I don't wish anybody.
• 39:54
  And I mean, yeah, like so broke that I wanted to die because
• 39:58
  that's the only way that I felt like I could escape it.
• 40:02
  And I don't want anything to be there.
• 40:04
  Yeah, but you putting words to that and being open and honest
• 40:09
  about that and creating this space for that with a relatable
• 40:13
  story also opens the door for other people like, oh, I'm not
• 40:16
  the only one. Right.
• 40:18
  At least they look at you now. I mean, it's so interesting.
• 40:20
  They look at you now and they see this successful, vibrant
• 40:24
  woman with all of this knowledge and all these things to share.
• 40:28
  And, and, and it's like, oh, let's go back a little bit,
• 40:32
  folks. Let me tell you where this all
• 40:35
  started, where this burst out of.
• 40:37
  And that in itself is really an invitation and also affirming of
• 40:42
  what's possible, which I mean, my, my next talking point is,
• 40:46
  you know, looking at your why and your values and really
• 40:50
  making that run through everything you do.
• 40:52
  That is what you have done this journey that you went on this 21
• 40:56
  days and the following, what you learned out of that and, and,
• 40:59
  and finding but that you fell in love with finance and which I
• 41:04
  think is a powerful thing for women too, because there's so
• 41:07
  many narratives even to this day around women and finances and,
• 41:12
  and women knowing their finances and being comfortable in their
• 41:15
  finances and the importance of of that and getting rid of these
• 41:19
  kind of gender stereotypes that happen in finance.
• 41:24
  Does that play into your work as well?
• 41:28
  A little bit because my, the resources are open for everybody
• 41:32
  and they're free for everybody. So, you know, men, women,
• 41:36
  married couples, like everybody. But I feel like just as women,
• 41:40
  we kind of have been a little stifled in our growth because
• 41:45
  it's almost like it was like a men's club where they all helped
• 41:49
  each other and taught each other and they learned from each other
• 41:53
  and they were giving each other legs up just from information.
• 41:56
  And we kind of didn't have our own group or organization or
• 42:02
  anything that just reached out just for women so that we could
• 42:07
  feel comfortable. And I'm happy, very happy to be
• 42:10
  a part of that because you're not alone in this.
• 42:14
  And that's why I would love to start like another me too
• 42:19
  movement of, you know, I, I had a bankruptcy.
• 42:23
  Me too. My car got repossessed.
• 42:25
  Me too, because we're not talking about it, but everybody
• 42:28
  has been or is going through something or knows someone, you
• 42:32
  know, maybe it's not you directly, but you know someone
• 42:35
  and they're probably afraid to talk to you just out of that
• 42:38
  judgement and that shame, you know, from you and within
• 42:43
  themselves. I mean, I was just an, A, a
• 42:47
  debilitating state of depression and I didn't know why, but then
• 42:51
  it magnified everything else, you know, and I, I, this, this
• 42:57
  has stemmed from a child and it kind of started with this lack
• 43:03
  of acceptance and belonging. And so, so my, my idea to get
• 43:12
  that acceptance and belonging was through maybe I needed to
• 43:17
  look better. Okay, well, to look better, you
• 43:19
  have to have money. Okay, well then I'm willing to
• 43:22
  do whatever I need to do to get money, but because I did not
• 43:26
  have the financial that that financial stability under me
• 43:33
  from being financially literate, having more money.
• 43:36
  There were times that I had a ton of money.
• 43:37
  There's no reason why I should have been broke or in debt, but
• 43:40
  I didn't, I didn't, I didn't really know the tools and then
• 43:43
  the ones that I did have, I was not actively using.
• 43:46
  So we have to think about that too, because the things that
• 43:50
  you're dealing with now, those challenges, most of those
• 43:53
  challenges, they, they stemmed from something.
• 43:57
  And that's what I discovered too over that fast was, I mean, you
• 44:01
  know, I was laying everything there and I was really trying to
• 44:06
  figure out how this started. Where did it come from?
• 44:09
  When did this start? What was the mindset behind it
• 44:13
  that put me here? Because it starts in the mind
• 44:15
  first before it ever magnifies through your emotions.
• 44:19
  Absolutely. And those thoughts and
• 44:21
  narratives that we start believing about ourselves and we
• 44:24
  stop asking our, you know, we get into these states, we stop
• 44:27
  asking why, we stop getting curious and we start getting
• 44:31
  judgmental and cared and fearful and it just starts piling up on
• 44:36
  each other. But you being willing to do this
• 44:38
  for yourself and you being willing to get curious and
• 44:42
  getting curious as to the root of where this was coming from
• 44:45
  really laid the groundwork for you to go from living out of
• 44:49
  others expectations, whatever they defined, especially within
• 44:53
  you know, when we have codependent relationships, we
• 44:56
  don't realize how much we allow others to define what they
• 45:01
  expect from US versus US to finding that for ourselves.
• 45:05
  Did this feel like the beginning of you making that shift from
• 45:09
  living out of others expectations to your own
• 45:11
  expectations for? Sure, because I had no idea who
• 45:16
  I was back then. It's almost like I was recently
• 45:20
  telling someone that I don't know her.
• 45:23
  The person of the book. I really, I don't know her at
• 45:26
  all. I mean I wish she was my kid and
• 45:28
  I would shake her because I don't know.
• 45:31
  I cannot relate to anything that was in the mindset.
• 45:36
  I can't write relate to any of my actions or perceptions or
• 45:41
  anything except for out of a state of wanting acceptance in a
• 45:45
  sense of belonging and survival. That is it.
• 45:49
  And that person is so far from who I am, it is almost like
• 45:53
  looking in a reverse mirror. You know, I'm happy it did
• 45:57
  happen that way because then, you know, now I have the rest of
• 46:01
  my life to live, my best life. But I think about all the years
• 46:05
  that I wasted when I just was confused.
• 46:08
  And that's something else. Along with that financial
• 46:11
  stability that we need to first start building for our children
• 46:15
  of tomorrow. But that's identity, you know,
• 46:19
  we, we don't really talk about that either.
• 46:21
  And so, you know, my mom, like I said, she was divorced, single
• 46:26
  parent, she just worked and she was in school and you're trying
• 46:29
  to make sure that I had the best life that I could have.
• 46:31
  And she definitely made sure of that.
• 46:33
  But she, she was very supportive, but she didn't
• 46:38
  realize how I needed to be supported.
• 46:40
  I didn't even realize how I needed to be supported.
• 46:43
  And so then I really could have used the influence of you're
• 46:48
  enough and you're OK the way you are.
• 46:50
  And if someone doesn't accept you, then they're not for you.
• 46:54
  But she was busy trying to make sure that we had a, you know, a
• 46:57
  better life than what she grew up doing.
• 46:59
  And so that wasn't the focus. And so that actually went hand
• 47:03
  in hand and it caused the abuse of of money.
• 47:07
  I talk a lot about our relationships with money.
• 47:11
  And so my relationship with money was very toxic because it
• 47:15
  was for the approval and acceptance of other people based
• 47:18
  off of that codependency. That's what got me there, not
• 47:22
  because I was on purpose, just being this reckless person
• 47:26
  running around the debt. Yeah, you hit on something so
• 47:31
  important there. Is that the why behind the money
• 47:35
  issues, the connection in identity, wanting to belong?
• 47:40
  That I think is a more common theme than people want to talk
• 47:43
  about in their lives and how they get into situations.
• 47:46
  They buy the house that's a little above their pay grade.
• 47:49
  They buy the car that's a little above their pay grade, the
• 47:53
  outfits, the clothes, the saying yes to dinners and nights out.
• 47:58
  It's all that's really out. And all of a sudden it is piling
• 48:01
  up because you're using credit cards because you can't use cash
• 48:04
  to keep up with this facade and lifestyle.
• 48:08
  You're trying to live to fill this void that you, that is,
• 48:14
  that keeps you from getting in touch with you and, and, and,
• 48:20
  and operating out of your authentic self because you're
• 48:23
  trying to meet other people's expectations because you're just
• 48:27
  craving this space and place to belong because.
• 48:30
  And you just need to realize, oh, it's all within me.
• 48:33
  I am beautiful and complex and nuanced and chaotic and all
• 48:42
  those things and all those things are true about me and
• 48:44
  that's OK and that's good. I am not broken, but the systems
• 48:49
  that I'm living in and utilizing in my life are broken.
• 48:54
  And I, I, cuz I always talk correct, take the identity piece
• 48:57
  out of this and talk about the systems because that's where we
• 49:01
  get into trouble. We identify with these
• 49:04
  situations, we get our ourselves in and make those our identity
• 49:08
  rather than and then we're like, Oh, I'm so stupid.
• 49:11
  Oh, that was so bad. Oh, that was whatever.
• 49:13
  No, that decision might have been bad.
• 49:16
  That decision might have been stupid, that choice, but not
• 49:19
  you. And so separating, taking out
• 49:22
  your identity from that and not attaching it to these things.
• 49:26
  But again, those are things we don't talk about.
• 49:28
  And, you know, those are things we should be, you know, that we
• 49:30
  got to be talking about at young ages so that they have that if
• 49:35
  we have that foundation. Right.
• 49:38
  It's it's extremely hard, I'm not going to lie, to be
• 49:41
  vulnerable with even with yourself.
• 49:44
  I mean that that part is the hardest.
• 49:46
  Once I was able to look at myself and tell myself the
• 49:51
  truth, then it made it so much easier to be open to talk to
• 49:55
  other people. And I remember when judgment and
• 50:03
  all of that used to just control my life in in, in other words,
• 50:11
  totally control my life where I can't.
• 50:15
  I'm worried about what somebody else says and what somebody else
• 50:17
  thinks. But once I was honest and
• 50:19
  vulnerable with myself, then I could feel years and years and
• 50:24
  layers of layers of all of that criticism and judgment from
• 50:28
  other people like just fall off of me.
• 50:30
  And now I'm like almost sometimes upset of all the time
• 50:34
  that I wasted worrying about what somebody else says and what
• 50:38
  somebody else thought, when now I'm like looking at them on the
• 50:42
  other side. Like I dare you to have the
• 50:44
  courage to be that honest and vulnerable, first with yourself
• 50:48
  and then with other people unapologetically.
• 50:50
  It's hard, but it sets you. Free.
• 50:54
  It does. It does and that and that
• 50:56
  really, and you've already really addressed it.
• 50:57
  But it's that accepting the layered aspects of ourselves,
• 51:01
  all the pieces and parts of our story that make up who we are.
• 51:05
  Sitting in the silence, letting the muck come up.
• 51:09
  And so that we can acknowledge it and feel it and move through
• 51:12
  it and quit stuffing it and get curious rather than judgmental
• 51:16
  about it. So that we can welcome it in and
• 51:20
  work through it and identify, OK, this is how this is where
• 51:24
  I'm at with this. Now I can move forward and that
• 51:27
  impacts then if we, we can then see, oh, I see my value.
• 51:32
  I see my worth. I see what I'm capable of.
• 51:35
  I've actually got it all here inside me now that I've cleared
• 51:38
  this all out and gotten curious rather than just fearful and
• 51:42
  judgmental. Right, right.
• 51:45
  I, I, I think that it is so interesting when I look at just
• 51:52
  how honest that I've been. I mean, this was, I mean, that
• 51:57
  memoir was written some pages, some, some, some sentences
• 52:01
  verbatim out of 21 years of journal entries.
• 52:04
  These are things that I thought that I was going to take to the
• 52:07
  grave and the things that I was most ashamed of and embarrassed
• 52:11
  by and that controlled my life. And it was hidden from every,
• 52:15
  everybody. When my mom read my story, she
• 52:18
  didn't even know half of the stuff that was going on because
• 52:21
  I didn't tell her. And that's my best friend.
• 52:25
  Yeah, it's hard. And so, but if we all do that,
• 52:30
  I'm not saying everybody needs to go and get on national
• 52:33
  television or anything and tell all their business, but but try
• 52:38
  being 1000% honest in this world where everybody claims that
• 52:43
  they're keeping it 100. I'm looking on the other side
• 52:47
  like, no, you're not because, you know, would you be willing
• 52:50
  to tell someone like, oh, I can't go to lunch because I
• 52:54
  can't afford it or my account's overdrawn or I'm already in
• 52:59
  debt. You know, like, would you be
• 53:00
  willing to be that honest? Or would you be afraid of the
• 53:04
  judgment, the criticism, the shame that comes from that?
• 53:08
  Yeah. And you never know, especially
• 53:10
  when you do that, you just are honest, like not in the budget
• 53:14
  this week already. You're over tapped there.
• 53:16
  It might actually get them off the hook too and make them
• 53:21
  think. I mean, you never know.
• 53:22
  I mean, so I think just that that just take opening that up.
• 53:25
  It starts with you. You hit it on the head.
• 53:28
  It starts with you. You're not going to be able to
• 53:30
  connect with other people and communicate openly and
• 53:33
  authentically until you're first doing it with yourself, which
• 53:36
  really goes into my, you know, this last talking point here of
• 53:40
  talk to me about how living out feel, finding empowerment,
• 53:44
  embracing layers, which is what you have done has impacted your
• 53:49
  relationship with yourself as well as your relationship with
• 53:52
  other. People So first the relationship
• 53:56
  with myself. Now I have boundaries.
• 53:58
  And I feel like now I'm having too many boundaries.
• 54:03
  I recently just did kind of like my own exercise of writing down
• 54:09
  some of my boundaries and I'm looking at them like, is that
• 54:13
  going a little bit too far? But no.
• 54:15
  Like if it's something that's gonna make me feel comfortable
• 54:17
  and it's something that I'm demanding for myself, then no.
• 54:20
  I mean, this is how I want people around me to show up in
• 54:24
  my life and how I want to show up for them and how I want to
• 54:27
  feel. So no, but I am, for the first
• 54:31
  time in life, creating boundaries.
• 54:34
  I am happy that I am able to share my experience and my voice
• 54:40
  and hopefully be able to change some minds and some perspectives
• 54:46
  and evoke some different conversations that haven't been
• 54:50
  discussed because there are things that we just weren't
• 54:54
  talking about that we should. Especially with the people
• 54:57
  closest to you. And it's almost like, you know,
• 55:01
  is it easier to tell a stranger the truth or is it easier to
• 55:05
  tell somebody that hears about you the truth?
• 55:09
  And I find them, you know, there there's criticism, different
• 55:13
  kind of criticism on both sides. I think that the people closest
• 55:16
  to it is that we don't want to disappoint them and we don't
• 55:19
  want them to feel responsible for our drama and what's going
• 55:23
  on in our life. Like we're assuming almost that
• 55:26
  we know that they would support us, but we kind of don't want to
• 55:29
  bother them. And then with strangers, for
• 55:33
  whatever reason, we are conscious of their judgment and
• 55:38
  criticism. But why?
• 55:39
  Like you don't even know them. Yeah, you may never see them
• 55:42
  again. Right, exactly.
• 55:44
  So I am happy that I am finding my voice in that.
• 55:49
  I remember when I was afraid to say these things and I was
• 55:53
  having, you know, almost like this anxiety attack of it was I
• 55:59
  wrote the book over COVID. I lost my very first draft when
• 56:03
  I was about to send it to my editors.
• 56:05
  Yeah, the whole thing was deleted, deleted, gone.
• 56:08
  Like no record of it, nothing, right?
• 56:13
  Heartbreaking because I worked very hard.
• 56:16
  And So what do I do? I journal.
• 56:19
  And as soon as I wrote the date, I knew that I had to just start
• 56:23
  over because it was the 21st day of the month and it was the year
• 56:26
  of 2021 and a dish and and I had had this come to Jesus over my
• 56:32
  very first 21 day fast, you know?
• 56:34
  So I'm just like, that was bringing its head.
• 56:37
  And so I was like, I have to, I have to, I have to tell this
• 56:40
  story. I could not remember how the
• 56:43
  original story began. I couldn't remember anything.
• 56:46
  But I think that the second time around, actually, I know the
• 56:49
  second time around, I was more authentic.
• 56:52
  The first time I was too worried about the characters in the
• 56:54
  books and offending people and stepping on toes.
• 56:57
  And so Fast forward that into now it's time to send this book
• 57:05
  to an editor. I'm finished and I'm nervous and
• 57:09
  anxious because I'm just thinking, you know, was I too
• 57:12
  harsh on some of the characters? Did I, you know, But then it's
• 57:16
  like, no, this is exactly why this story needed to be told in
• 57:22
  myself and several others out there.
• 57:25
  We didn't have validation and that is from several different
• 57:30
  aspects out of life. And so when your feelings and
• 57:33
  emotions aren't validated and and acknowledged, there's no way
• 57:39
  to get rid of that, that negative energy that you are
• 57:43
  internalizing. And so it just sticks with you
• 57:46
  and you know, just keeps adding to all of that Vadnais in in
• 57:51
  your life. And so I was dealing with that
• 57:54
  and this kind of was a an example of me.
• 58:01
  No, I have a voice. This is how I felt.
• 58:04
  This is what happened. And you don't have to agree with
• 58:07
  me. You don't have to relate to it.
• 58:09
  You don't have to, you know, you had a different experience.
• 58:12
  So of course, like your interpretation is going to be
• 58:14
  totally different than mine. But you can't tell me what I did
• 58:18
  feel and what I didn't when what I went through because you're
• 58:22
  not me. And so I am now embracing more
• 58:26
  of that. And for so many years, I didn't
• 58:30
  feel like I had a voice. And I think least growing up in
• 58:34
  my family and my background, you aren't allowed to almost voice
• 58:39
  your, your your opinions and your likes and your dislikes.
• 58:43
  And, you know, it's like, just shut up and and live and be a
• 58:46
  kid. But no, you need that outlet.
• 58:50
  Yeah. And so, yeah, I, I am on purpose
• 58:54
  now living that way. And it has definitely empowered
• 58:59
  me because these were things that were silenced before.
• 59:03
  And I am talking about things that are not socially acceptable
• 59:08
  to everybody and but that I know that other people are going
• 59:12
  through. And I know that I'm not the only
• 59:15
  one. And I want people to know that
• 59:16
  too. So for sure those are those are
• 59:20
  now the, the things that I am doing and making me feel and
• 59:26
  being empowered and I'm enjoying it like I am.
• 59:29
  I feel like I'm almost having like another life, like I had
• 59:34
  that life and then that person feel like, and this person is
• 59:38
  like still in infant phase because like this is all new to
• 59:41
  me and being very vocal and being very honest.
• 59:45
  But I'm excited about it and I wish that I would have been
• 59:49
  thrown to do this before. Yeah, yeah.
• 59:53
  But you're doing it now. And I think that's so important.
• 59:56
  And it's so, it's so powerful when you finally realize that
• 1:00:01
  your voice deserves to be seen, known and heard in whatever
• 1:00:07
  space and place you walk into. And I think that's something
• 1:00:11
  we're starting to see more now. In in this generation, I think
• 1:00:15
  of parents with young kids, but let's make sure our kids
• 1:00:19
  understand. I understand about respect and
• 1:00:23
  obedience and all those things, but let's also validate our kids
• 1:00:27
  emotions and allow them to have a place to say and speak them
• 1:00:31
  and help them work through the hard ones so that they have that
• 1:00:36
  that, you know, that background, that insight, that support.
• 1:00:41
  So they're not do backtracking when they grow up and trying to
• 1:00:44
  find that voice and realize it. You know, it deserves to be
• 1:00:48
  seen, known and heard. Thank you so much for all that.
• 1:00:50
  So good. Absolutely.
• 1:00:54
  I, I, I also realize areas where by not having a voice or not
• 1:01:00
  being allowed and not feeling like you had a voice and being
• 1:01:03
  validated, then that was where that lack of acceptance and
• 1:01:08
  belonging came from. Because then you're out there
• 1:01:10
  searching for it from somebody else.
• 1:01:12
  Exactly, exactly, absolutely. And and that leads us down to
• 1:01:17
  our own a different another Rd. of trouble.
• 1:01:19
  I mean, it's just, it doesn't lead us back to to.
• 1:01:21
  Ourselves, it leads us. Away.
• 1:01:23
  Yeah, absolutely. So important.
• 1:01:26
  Thank you so much for that. All right, you're down to the
• 1:01:29
  rapid fire. And then we're going to give you
• 1:01:31
  an opportunity to share how people can find you, follow you,
• 1:01:35
  all those things that tell me 5 activities that nourish you.
• 1:01:39
  So the five activities that nourished me, I actually wrote
• 1:01:43
  them down because I didn't want to forget them.
• 1:01:47
  But number the first one is absolutely fasting.
• 1:01:51
  That very first 21 day fast now has created a fasting culture
• 1:01:56
  for me. I usually get at least three
• 1:01:59
  fasts in a year completed in a in a very good year, I get 4
• 1:02:03
  completed. But it gives me that time to
• 1:02:06
  pause and be with my myself, be with my emotions, be with my
• 1:02:12
  thoughts, journal, meditate. And it always renews me at the
• 1:02:17
  end. And I have a different
• 1:02:18
  perspective. I feel it makes me feel
• 1:02:21
  refreshed and I'm able to then navigate, you know, another
• 1:02:25
  couple months of life until and now my body tells me when I need
• 1:02:28
  to fast. Like, because I just feel, I
• 1:02:31
  feel scattered and I feel unmotivated and I feel kind of,
• 1:02:34
  you know, down a little bit and I just know that I just need to
• 1:02:38
  connect. And so for sure, fasting
• 1:02:41
  journaling would be absolutely #2 because I pour out on those
• 1:02:46
  pages and have been doing so for years #3 would be dancing.
• 1:02:53
  It has been a first love of mine ever since I was a kid.
• 1:02:56
  I've done all types of dances. And now my favorite thing is to
• 1:03:01
  either watch live concerts on YouTube and act like I'm there
• 1:03:05
  or take one of the dance classes on YouTube to learn all these
• 1:03:09
  new dances that they're coming out with.
• 1:03:11
  Like I'm like up all night doing #4 would definitely be
• 1:03:18
  gardening. I love being with the earth.
• 1:03:22
  My grandmother was a she had a huge garden.
• 1:03:27
  And so I mean, I've been doing that since a kid and I
• 1:03:30
  definitely have a green thumb, but I just like being outside
• 1:03:33
  and playing in the dirt and I like seeing something it, it
• 1:03:37
  gives you immediate gratification.
• 1:03:39
  There's nothing like even just as simple as a leaf blower and
• 1:03:43
  blowing off the porch. It definitely looked better.
• 1:03:46
  And I like, I like that sense of instant gratification that you
• 1:03:50
  get from it and just being with the nature and getting vitamin D
• 1:03:53
  and fresh air and, and then lastly cooking.
• 1:03:57
  I am a closet chef and who feels the soul.
• 1:04:01
  And it's definitely one of my favorite things.
• 1:04:03
  And that's so funny. And so that actually even tells
• 1:04:07
  even more about how fasting is hard for me because you can't
• 1:04:10
  eat for 21 days. I.
• 1:04:13
  Love food and you know, it's always the last three days that
• 1:04:17
  are the hardest because you know that you're about to be able to
• 1:04:19
  eat again. And I'm making less time.
• 1:04:21
  What I'm going to, what I'm going to eat.
• 1:04:26
  I love that, though, that you bookended with that because
• 1:04:31
  you're fast is coming from such a healthy place.
• 1:04:33
  You have a healthy relationship with food, you have a garden
• 1:04:37
  you've left. So it just brings all of that
• 1:04:39
  together. So that's what it, which is why
• 1:04:42
  you're able to tap into yourself the way you are and be so
• 1:04:45
  present with with that. Thank you so much for that.
• 1:04:49
  All right, 5 words on how you want to feel the next six
• 1:04:52
  months. Absolutely.
• 1:04:53
  So first I want universal peace. Just, you know, mentally,
• 1:04:59
  physically, financially, I just want peace.
• 1:05:03
  I still have a lot of anxiety around things.
• 1:05:05
  Like I said, I'm still a work in progress, but I just, I want
• 1:05:09
  universal peace and you know, to rebuke the spirit of worry about
• 1:05:15
  anything even even more. I want to feel more organized.
• 1:05:19
  I'm naturally a very organized person, but I just want to feel
• 1:05:23
  more organized. This book journey and podcast
• 1:05:26
  journey has been not for the faint of hearts, especially with
• 1:05:31
  my already chaotic schedule. And I'm always afraid that I'm
• 1:05:34
  going to miss something. And I just want to feel overall
• 1:05:37
  more organized and not like I'm I'm missing something or forgot
• 1:05:42
  something. I want to feel fulfilled in life
• 1:05:47
  overall. So I, I want a sense of just
• 1:05:52
  gratitude and happiness that I'm, I'm not feeling lack of
• 1:05:56
  anything more like I need anything else.
• 1:06:01
  I feel like I feel that now, but then there are still things that
• 1:06:03
  I'm like, well, I think I should do this and I, but I'm trying to
• 1:06:06
  connect where is that something that I really want to do?
• 1:06:10
  Or am I doing it based off of the expectations of somebody
• 1:06:13
  else? Because then if that's the
• 1:06:14
  reason that I don't want to do it right.
• 1:06:17
  So I'm trying to figure that out for myself.
• 1:06:20
  So I want to just fill fulfilled in life.
• 1:06:24
  I want overall stability. There are areas in my life that
• 1:06:27
  I'm very stable in and then there's still some areas that
• 1:06:30
  are a little shaky. And to have just that overall
• 1:06:33
  stability, what make me feel more stable because, you know,
• 1:06:38
  the financial stability is only one side of it.
• 1:06:40
  But then you have relationships and you have work and you have
• 1:06:44
  friends and your activities and your habits and I just, I want
• 1:06:50
  kind of full scope overall stability.
• 1:06:53
  And lastly, I want to feel enriched.
• 1:06:57
  I love them and I love it when I love to teach and I love to tell
• 1:07:02
  people what I know. Like I know a little bit about A
• 1:07:05
  and see anything extra that I can learn that I feel would be
• 1:07:10
  valuable to be able to pass to someone else.
• 1:07:13
  I definitely want to feel a sense of enrichment.
• 1:07:17
  I think that in the past that I haven't given myself credit for
• 1:07:22
  the things that I know and that I can lend to people, teach
• 1:07:27
  people and help people with. And so maybe that's where, you
• 1:07:31
  know, kind of more acceptance on that side that I need to give
• 1:07:35
  myself credit for the enrichment that I'm already contributing to
• 1:07:39
  others. But I am just, you know, the the
• 1:07:43
  best person in my life is the person that teaches me something
• 1:07:46
  constantly. Yeah, this because I love to
• 1:07:50
  pass it on. And I'm one of those, well, did
• 1:07:52
  you know, like I love documentary.
• 1:07:55
  I love a documentary. Me too, I do too much.
• 1:07:59
  Teaches you so much, but it really does.
• 1:08:01
  Yeah, those are. I think that that's my my 5.
• 1:08:04
  I love that. So good.
• 1:08:06
  I love that part. Yeah.
• 1:08:07
  I think it's something that really helped me with that last
• 1:08:12
  one. And my therapist actually
• 1:08:13
  challenged me with this. She's like, I want you to start
• 1:08:15
  tracking your daily wins. Your daily wins are going to
• 1:08:19
  help you. And those are not, we're not
• 1:08:21
  talking about the big things, but the little things you did
• 1:08:23
  for yourself, the little ways you honored yourself, the, OR
• 1:08:27
  the things you didn't see coming.
• 1:08:29
  And I just started doing that like 3 months ago.
• 1:08:32
  Like this is very new. And I was like, yeah.
• 1:08:36
  And it just gives you like, oh, you know, if I had, wasn't
• 1:08:39
  intentionally looking for that, I would have missed that.
• 1:08:43
  Because she's like you. She's like, you're you yourself.
• 1:08:46
  Talk is, is pretty healthy. You've really, you've come along
• 1:08:48
  with her. She's like, but you get to the
• 1:08:50
  space and then you just like, OK, what's next?
• 1:08:53
  And you keep moving forward and you don't stop in the moment and
• 1:08:56
  see the winds within the journey along the way.
• 1:08:59
  And, and she's like, and so she's like, I'm going to
• 1:09:01
  challenge with that. And that's helped me that time.
• 1:09:05
  I'm going to start doing that. Thank you.
• 1:09:07
  Absolutely. It might do do it kind of
• 1:09:10
  because when I journal in the morning, like it's the first
• 1:09:13
  thing that I do before I get out of bed.
• 1:09:15
  Like it's very important to me. And I always write a kind of
• 1:09:18
  recap the prior day. But I don't always talk about
• 1:09:21
  the winds and I talk about, you know, just what happened.
• 1:09:25
  Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I'll be curious to see
• 1:09:29
  how that works out for you. But that's really helped me.
• 1:09:31
  All right, I'm gonna try. It awesome.
• 1:09:33
  All right, tell people where they can find you, follow you,
• 1:09:36
  access your resources, all of that.
• 1:09:39
  Absolutely. The easiest place to follow me
• 1:09:42
  is at buymichellecampbell.com. And so that's BY And then
• 1:09:48
  Michelle with 2L's Campbell spelled like this, soup.com.
• 1:09:52
  And on that site, there is the link to my financial services
• 1:09:59
  business, Tax Shell. There's also the link to my
• 1:10:02
  nonprofit #stability. And then there's the link to the
• 1:10:05
  book Bluebird, which is the story behind the cause.
• 1:10:08
  And then I plan on posting anything else that I'm working
• 1:10:12
  on. I always, I love to have my
• 1:10:14
  hands in several things. There's I'm actively kind of
• 1:10:18
  involved in a few partnerships right now.
• 1:10:20
  I'm just not talking about them. Yeah, because I don't want the
• 1:10:23
  pressure of is it ready yet? Is it ready yet?
• 1:10:25
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:10:28
  Right, right. Exactly when, Yeah.
• 1:10:30
  When when it's time to to talk about it, that will be on there
• 1:10:35
  as well. And I think that that's where I
• 1:10:38
  listed my blog. I'm not for sure.
• 1:10:40
  I can't even remember where it is.
• 1:10:41
  Remember I said I started a blog and I keep forgetting I have a
• 1:10:49
  blog and I am going to get back to it.
• 1:10:54
  I will probably just because I'm saying it right now on this
• 1:10:57
  podcast, put a separate link on the By Michelle Campbell website
• 1:11:01
  just to the blog itself. And I just want to open up the
• 1:11:06
  conversation of being transparent and being authentic
• 1:11:10
  and let people know that, you know, regardless of somebody
• 1:11:14
  else's success and what their life actually ended up being,
• 1:11:18
  that you still go through life, things still happen.
• 1:11:21
  Like I'm, I'm not saying that I'm never gonna have problems
• 1:11:24
  again and that I still haven't had things.
• 1:11:26
  You know, it's just a different type of problem, almost like
• 1:11:29
  more money, more problems. I'm experiencing that.
• 1:11:32
  Yeah, yeah. And I think the other thing,
• 1:11:35
  too, is when those problems come along, you've got the resources
• 1:11:38
  to fall back on now to help you work your way through them, too.
• 1:11:42
  But yeah, life does not stop showing up.
• 1:11:44
  The curveball still stop coming. They're still there.
• 1:11:49
  Yeah. I thank you so much for that.
• 1:11:51
  And all those resources will be listed on our website at
• 1:11:55
  embracinglers.com on our resources page.
• 1:11:58
  Any last thoughts you'd like to leave with our listeners?
• 1:12:00
  Today just you are definitely not alone.
• 1:12:05
  And that first step of my favorite quote is William
• 1:12:09
  Shakespeare is to thine own self.
• 1:12:11
  Be true. Really focus on that and be
• 1:12:16
  truthful to yourself first and just know, I know that sometimes
• 1:12:21
  it's hard to believe that you're not alone in your storm,
• 1:12:24
  whatever it is. It might not be financially
• 1:12:27
  finance related and that's OK. But be honest with yourself 1st
• 1:12:32
  and just know that there are people like me, like Melissa out
• 1:12:36
  there that support you and believe in you and are there for
• 1:12:41
  you. Your feelings are valid, your
• 1:12:43
  situation is valid and it's never the end.
• 1:12:47
  And then always just trying to find the, the why or the yeah,
• 1:12:53
  the connecting the what with the why and taking that time to
• 1:12:58
  think back to where something stemmed from and what that has
• 1:13:03
  to do with what you're going through now.
• 1:13:05
  Because the challenges, I constantly say this to
• 1:13:08
  challenges and the passion are directly connected to your
• 1:13:12
  purpose. Oh, that's so good.
• 1:13:15
  I love that. I love that wrap up of that.
• 1:13:17
  Thank you so much for your time today, Michelle.
• 1:13:19
  I appreciate it. I know you're busy.
• 1:13:21
  I love how you show up in the world and the authenticity and
• 1:13:25
  vulnerability of your story. But the voice that you put out
• 1:13:29
  there and and the invitation is for others.
• 1:13:31
  Like come on, let's talk about these things.
• 1:13:33
  Let's resource each other. Let's support each other.
• 1:13:36
  Let's, we don't have to bury these things and, and let the
• 1:13:40
  shame and the fear and the, and the scarcity mindset in the way
• 1:13:44
  of what can be true for us. And we do that by invitation and
• 1:13:48
  by sharing and open and honest conversations.
• 1:13:51
  And you've opened a whole gateway and door and resources
• 1:13:54
  for that. And I appreciate you so much for
• 1:13:56
  that. Absolutely.
• 1:13:58
  Thank you. I'm so happy that the universe
• 1:14:01
  is using my voice. I would have never thought that
• 1:14:04
  in a million years, but I am happy to be out there helping
• 1:14:08
  others. That's all of our jobs on this
• 1:14:11
  earth. We're all here to give back
• 1:14:13
  something to one another. Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:14:16
  All right, listeners, you, you know where those resources are.
• 1:14:19
  Take a look at these things. Remember these these last
• 1:14:22
  thoughts that Michelle has left with you today and really think
• 1:14:24
  about that this week and really looking for ways to apply that
• 1:14:28
  in your life and support each other in doing so because that's
• 1:14:31
  it's coming together in community and supporting each
• 1:14:34
  other where we can create these safe spaces.
• 1:14:36
  Thanks so much for being with us.
• 1:14:38
  Take good care and we'll see you next time here on the Field
• 1:14:41
  podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
• 1:14:45
  being with us today on this episode of the Feel podcast.
• 1:14:49
  If you would like more information on how you can apply
• 1:14:54
  these talking points that I share with our guests in each
• 1:14:57
  episode to your own life, really utilize this Feel framework.
• 1:15:02
  Go to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form and let's
• 1:15:07
  set up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how
• 1:15:12
  you can start being your most authentic, organic, healthy feel
• 1:15:18
  fueled life. Thanks again for being with us
• 1:15:20
  today. We'll be back to you soon with
• 1:15:22
  another episode here on the Feel Podcast.