Latest / No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women / Reinventing Midlife: Sobriety, Solo Travel, And Self-Trust

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Reinventing Midlife: Sobriety, Solo Travel, And Self-Trust · No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women

• 0:00
  Tina: I hung on to the pain and the anger for a long time and I still have issues with that.
• 0:04
  Tina: In 20 beginning of 2020, I was like, I have to let go of this.
• 0:08
  Tina: I have to quit being angry.
• 0:10
  Tina: I have to let my body feel because I was just angry and in pain all the time.
• 0:20
  Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets.
• 0:22
  Mary: I'm your host, Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner.
• 0:28
  Mary: I've created a space where we celebrate the intuition and power of women who want to break free from limiting narratives.
• 0:35
  Mary: We'll explore all realms of wellness, what it means to take up space unapologetically, and how your essential nature is key to living life on your terms.
• 0:45
  Mary: It's time to own your space, trust your nature, and flourish.
• 0:49
  Mary: Let's dive in.
• 0:50
  Mary: Hey Violet, welcome to the show.
• 0:57
  Mary: When I was young, in my 20s and 30s, I traveled solo relatively often.
• 1:02
  Mary: Although I didn't travel internationally by myself, I would often take road trips and once even drove across the United States.
• 1:10
  Mary: Ironically, I'm much less likely to do so now.
• 1:13
  Mary: Not only have things changed since those times, but I unfortunately find myself becoming less audacious in travel adventures.
• 1:20
  Mary: I can't say that I love that about myself.
• 1:23
  Mary: So I will be heading out of the country in a few months by myself, mostly because it was a trip I really wanted to take, but also because I wanted to have the challenge of relying only on myself.
• 1:34
  Mary: For me, one of the challenges of midlife is reimagining all the things you thought your life would be and embracing the beauty of what it is.
• 1:42
  Mary: I've had so many women sit in my office and mourn all the things that were part of their youth, dewy skin, often a smaller clothing size, or simply having a different kind of hope for the future.
• 1:54
  Mary: Or the things they are no longer doing, including travel.
• 1:58
  Mary: But there are so many great things about life after 50.
• 2:02
  Mary: As with so many things, mindset is key.
• 2:05
  Mary: My guest today is owning her midlife and seems to have become more adventurous in later life.
• 2:11
  Mary: After more than two decades as a licensed massage therapist, Tina Coleman's career was abruptly cut short by a car accident.
• 2:19
  Mary: Instead of letting life's hardships define her, she chose to reinvent herself from the ground up.
• 2:24
  Mary: That reinvention began with solo travel, an experience that opened her eyes to possibility, freedom, and courage.
• 2:32
  Mary: Solo travel became the catalyst that ultimately led her to move abroad, where she continues to embrace transformation and intentional living.
• 2:40
  Mary: Tina is the bold voice behind an upcoming book about life after 50.
• 2:44
  Mary: It's a powerful guide that redefines what it means to be a woman at midlife.
• 2:49
  Mary: Her mission is to empower women to embrace reinvention, freedom, and unapologetic confidence while stepping into the most vibrant, authentic chapter of their lives.
• 2:58
  Mary: Welcome to No Shrinking Violets, Tina.
• 3:01
  Tina: Thank you so much.
• 3:02
  Tina: It's such an honor to be on your show.
• 3:04
  Tina: I've been looking forward to those.
• 3:06
  Mary: And she is talking to us from Mexico right now.
• 3:08
  Mary: So she explained to me that sometimes there are celebrations kind of through the day with fireworks.
• 3:14
  Mary: So if you hear something in the background that the mics pick up, then you're getting some fireworks in your day.
• 3:20
  Mary: So which is appropriate for Laffee After 50, right?
• 3:24
  Mary: Absolutely.
• 3:24
  Mary: We need more fireworks in our life and more fun.
• 3:27
  Mary: Okay, so I love to start off with my guests by having them talk about the pivotal moments in their life where there was a mindset shift or kind of it opened your eyes and led to where you are now.
• 3:41
  Tina: Oh boy.
• 3:42
  Tina: I've had a lot of them, I've been through a lot of different things in my life, to be honest.
• 3:47
  Tina: And it's been really interesting.
• 3:49
  Tina: Um, I'm originally from Des Moines, Iowa.
• 3:51
  Tina: So, and I had a very dysfunctional childhood.
• 3:54
  Tina: So I really relied on going to church and doing really well in school.
• 3:58
  Tina: And those really helped to lay the foundation of who I am, um, because having that faith in something greater than yourself, I think is so important.
• 4:06
  Tina: Um, and there have been times in my life where I've really hung on to that, and sometimes where I have been disconnected from it.
• 4:12
  Tina: And I can say at the times where I really embraced that, my life is much better.
• 4:17
  Tina: So that's like a big thing that laid the foundation for me.
• 4:20
  Tina: And then in my uh early 20s or actually teens and early 20s, I was in a very long-term dysfunctional relationship, and that was just awful.
• 4:29
  Tina: All different kinds of things involved in that.
• 4:31
  Tina: Um, and then I became a spiritual teacher.
• 4:34
  Tina: So uh with that, with an up for profit group, so I taught meditation, concentration, visualization, uh healing at a distance, and I studied a lot of the esoteric things.
• 4:44
  Tina: I was with them for seven years, and that's actually when I left tomorrow in Iowa because I always wanted to travel.
• 4:50
  Tina: I always knew I wanted to move.
• 4:51
  Tina: Like even as a kid, I would be like, Why can't we move?
• 4:54
  Tina: Like, why do we have to be in the same house?
• 4:56
  Tina: Why do we have to go to the same school?
• 4:58
  Tina: Like, I've always had that in me.
• 5:00
  Tina: And so it's really interesting when I uh was with this not-for-profit and started teaching and directing Saw the centers, I started moving around.
• 5:08
  Tina: Um, and a month after I moved, I was in my first car accident.
• 5:12
  Tina: I was hit by a semi.
• 5:13
  Tina: So that is actually what got me into massage therapy.
• 5:19
  Tina: And I had grown up in a household where it was like, scrub my shoulders, walk on my back, and never thought anything of it.
• 5:25
  Tina: Like I was gonna be an accountant and make money.
• 5:27
  Tina: And so when I had a car accident, I'm like, I can heal myself.
• 5:30
  Tina: I know I can heal myself.
• 5:32
  Tina: Well, it turns out I needed help, and so I got into uh chiropractic acupuncture, massage therapy as far as my treatment, and that was really life-changing for me.
• 5:42
  Tina: Um, you know, and it was I'm very lucky to still be here and to have walked away from that.
• 5:48
  Tina: But that would that would have a huge impact that actually encouraged me to the abuse relationship I was in and you know be that skirmish with teacher.
• 5:56
  Tina: And through that, I really was able to uh, you know, heal myself and step into a new life path, really.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Tina: Um, but yeah, and it's like I've lived all over the US and traveled quite a bit with uh that group and directed different organizations.
• 6:14
  Tina: So it's been a lot.
• 6:16
  Tina: So and I've had a lot of different things that I've had to deal with.
• 6:19
  Tina: Um, one of the things that really hit me hard and led to me traveling abroad was when I lost my mother and stepdad very close to each other very suddenly.
• 6:28
  Tina: And I went into a very dark, deep spiral and I was drinking very heavily.
• 6:33
  Tina: Um yeah, and I have alcoholism on both sides of my family.
• 6:37
  Tina: So that was kind of like the kicker for me where I just was not okay.
• 6:42
  Tina: I was a very different person back then than I am now, and I just did not care.
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:47
  Tina: You know, and it was just like it was so incredibly hard.
• 6:50
  Tina: Um, and then in 2018, I actually a friend took me to uh like the Secrets with Millie in their mindset.
• 6:59
  Tina: It was, you know, one of those inspirational rah, rah, rah seminars.
• 7:02
  Tina: Well, I drank the Kool-Aid, bought the whole package, and that really started changing my life.
• 7:08
  Tina: That's really when um I knew I needed to make changes and I wasn't happy, and I was able to actually get sober um through a 12-step program because of that incentive, because I was like, okay, it's time for me to change.
• 7:23
  Tina: It's time, it's time to do something different because I did not like where my life was going.
• 7:28
  Mary: Well, and I hear so many women that that sort of seems to be the trajectory of their story that they make a lot of decisions, and I'll just randomly say pre-40-year-old, you know, leading up to 40.
• 7:41
  Mary: And somehow it culminates with something happening, with there's an event where it starts to increase your awareness of like, wow, I've developed a lot of patterns or a lot of coping strategies that are not healthy.
• 7:58
  Mary: So you probably knew this along the way, right?
• 8:01
  Mary: That there was some part of you that's like, wow, I'm drinking a lot and I'm not really fully in my life.
• 8:08
  Tina: Yes, and I'd had I'd actually had that experience at different points in my life, like when I was in the abuse relationship, I started drinking really heavily and I had this aha moment.
• 8:17
  Tina: Like I was like, if I keep doing this in 10 years, I'll be somebody I don't like.
• 8:21
  Tina: Um, because I had never been a drinker before that.
• 8:23
  Tina: Like I didn't like alcohol, I wasn't into it, and it was through that relationship I got into that.
• 8:28
  Tina: Um, I also ended up with carpal tunnel on both my arms when I was 20 and had to have surgery that ended my career.
• 8:35
  Tina: So it's done a lot of different things.
• 8:36
  Tina: Um, but there have been different points in my life where I have like really used alcohol as a crutch and relying on it because growing up in a dysfunctional family, we weren't taught how to express our emotions in a healthy way.
• 8:49
  Tina: It was always very explosive and like the world's crashing down, everything's ending.
• 8:54
  Tina: And so I never knew how.
• 8:56
  Tina: And I think that's why I relied on alcohol so much.
• 8:59
  Tina: It was self-medication.
• 9:00
  Tina: And I even had an acupuncture friend when I was working in Chicago at a very high-end spot.
• 9:05
  Tina: She's like, Oh, it's okay, you're self-medicating, just have a few drinks, it's no problem.
• 9:10
  Tina: And it turned into a problem for me, you know.
• 9:12
  Tina: Um, some people can have a few drinks and they're fine.
• 9:15
  Tina: Unfortunately, I'm not one of them.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:17
  Mary: Well, and I think as we get older as women, our bodies change in the way we can handle alcohol.
• 9:23
  Mary: There's a much bigger consequence the next day, I think, especially for me physically.
• 9:29
  Mary: I just don't, I just don't feel good.
• 9:31
  Mary: If I even if I have, you know, one glass of wine, I just don't feel good the next day.
• 9:37
  Tina: Exactly.
• 9:38
  Tina: And it especially like as a if it's bread wine up and have sulfites in it, um, but we just process things differently.
• 9:44
  Tina: And also it's like it's real easy for that one glass of wine to turn into a bottle of wine, especially if it's had a hard day.
• 9:51
  Tina: Yeah.
• 9:51
  Tina: You know?
• 9:52
  Tina: And I have definitely been there.
• 9:54
  Mary: Yeah.
• 9:55
  Mary: And I think sometimes we don't want to really look at what's happening.
• 10:00
  Mary: You know, when you're in a, especially a relationship, if it's been a longer relationship and the pattern is set, it can feel like it's so hard to get out of it.
• 10:09
  Mary: And I think the other part is we do see everywhere it's a joke about, you know, I'm just have a glass of wine or I have a glass of wine with my girlfriends.
• 10:18
  Mary: And it's so woven into especially American culture, I think in a different way than a lot of European cultures in how we use wine, beer, all of those things in a social way or as a coping strategy.
• 10:35
  Tina: Absolutely.
• 10:36
  Tina: And it's like I'm also the Disney generation, so I grew up on Disney.
• 10:39
  Tina: So it's like, oh, love will cure everything.
• 10:41
  Tina: Like if you love somebody, it's all gonna work out.
• 10:44
  Tina: And it doesn't, you know, you have to really choose yourself and realize if you have common goals and things like that.
• 10:51
  Tina: And if someone is encouraging you to have these bad habits and get hip on drugs now, that's not a healthy relationship.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 10:59
  Tina: And yeah, so but I I wish I knew things then that I knew now, you know?
• 11:03
  Tina: Yeah.
• 11:04
  Mary: Well, I think what you're putting out into the world now is the positivity of midlife.
• 11:11
  Mary: And when I say midlife, that has confused some people.
• 11:14
  Mary: It's actually confused younger women because they don't know what it means.
• 11:18
  Mary: And I think of midlife as early 40s through, I'll say 65, 67.
• 11:24
  Mary: But also past that, I think we sort of settle into this new way of being, new acceptance of ourselves instead of fighting the narrative of you have to stay a certain way, you have to look a certain way.
• 11:39
  Mary: So, what do you think is the most powerful part or the most vibrant part of when women go into this stage of life?
• 11:47
  Mary: What do you love about it?
• 11:49
  Tina: Well, I love that I have learned so many things throughout my life and I can do things differently now.
• 11:55
  Tina: And that because I have been through so much, like I've hit rock bottom a couple different times in my life, but I really appreciate my life and where I'm at right now.
• 12:03
  Tina: Um, and I have consciously created a life that I truly love, even when things, and not every day is perfect.
• 12:10
  Tina: Like people think just because I live international, it's like, oh, everything is so easy.
• 12:13
  Tina: It's like unicorns and rainbows every day.
• 12:15
  Tina: It's not.
• 12:17
  Tina: Um, you know, but it's it's the being able to really enjoy my life and love it and be appreciative of it and really, you know, just love where I'm at because I didn't love where I was at and I was uh going through transitions.
• 12:30
  Tina: But I really think like 45 is a turning point for a lot of women and for me, 50 and you know, approaching 50 and being in my 50s now has just been huge.
• 12:40
  Tina: Um, and I was absolutely terrified of turning 50, and that's why I wrote the book.
• 12:44
  Tina: That's why the idea came to me.
• 12:46
  Tina: It wasn't because I was like, oh, we need a book on turning 50.
• 12:49
  Tina: No, I was terrified.
• 12:50
  Tina: I didn't know what was gonna happen.
• 12:52
  Tina: Um, you know, and I was even like, oh, can I say this?
• 12:55
  Tina: Can I say the title?
• 12:56
  Tina: Like, how can you say that?
• 12:57
  Tina: I had who might write a book on being 50.
• 13:00
  Tina: Like, I haven't done it before.
• 13:01
  Tina: Like we're all just making this up.
• 13:03
  Mary: Yeah.
• 13:04
  Mary: Yeah.
• 13:04
  Mary: Well, I think what is interesting is my parents, well, if my mom was living, she'd be 98 right now.
• 13:10
  Mary: And that generation didn't talk about menopause.
• 13:14
  Mary: They they were the silent generation.
• 13:16
  Mary: You just, you know, put up and shut up and you don't complain, and you certainly rarely share with your girlfriends what you're going through.
• 13:24
  Mary: And I think now there's been a huge shift, and we see perimenopause issues everywhere.
• 13:32
  Mary: People are very open about it.
• 13:34
  Mary: And I think sometimes what it's done is made women more fearful that, oh no, I'm afraid of what's coming.
• 13:43
  Mary: And so let's talk about the myths.
• 13:46
  Mary: What are some of the myths that we buy into?
• 13:49
  Mary: Because before I have you answer, the other thing that I love is I've heard it called menopause time called second spring.
• 13:55
  Mary: So we get to start over, we get to bloom in a different way.
• 13:58
  Mary: So let's bust some myths.
• 14:00
  Mary: What are some that you think are just we need to not worry so much about?
• 14:06
  Tina: That if you have gray hair, you're not sexy.
• 14:08
  Mary: Oh, your hair's your hair is beautiful, by the way.
• 14:11
  Tina: It is beautiful.
• 14:12
  Tina: Yes.
• 14:12
  Tina: That is like one of the biggest things.
• 14:15
  Tina: Like as women, we are so afraid of letting our hair grow natural.
• 14:18
  Tina: And my hair used to be your color.
• 14:21
  Tina: Like I was always a very dark brunette.
• 14:23
  Tina: Um, and it was like, I was, I was like, I'm never gonna go gray.
• 14:28
  Tina: I'm I'm gonna like dye my hair since I'm 90 or shame it up and look like a cancer patient.
• 14:32
  Tina: I'm never gonna go gray.
• 14:33
  Tina: And uh after I got sober, I went short and blonde.
• 14:37
  Tina: And when I was in Mexico uh visiting, I went dark pink, bright pink.
• 14:41
  Tina: It was supposed to be light pink, but bright pink.
• 14:43
  Tina: And it was fading out, and I was like, my hair's gray.
• 14:46
  Tina: I was like, oh.
• 14:48
  Tina: So you get to play around, you get to have fun with it.
• 14:50
  Tina: Like, we don't need to be afraid of it.
• 14:52
  Tina: Because when guys go gray, oh, it's a super fob to distinguish, they're sexy.
• 14:56
  Tina: Like, we can do that too.
• 14:57
  Tina: It's not your hair that makes you look young or old, it's your attitude and it's your vibrancy, and it's like your love of life that help that helps with that.
• 15:05
  Tina: You know, so it's like that is as women, we are we're you know, taught we very focused on our appearance and we have to look sexy, we have to do this, and we have to, you know, do that.
• 15:14
  Tina: And I'm just like, no, get be you and embrace it and love it.
• 15:17
  Tina: And if you don't like your hair, don't buy it, absolutely.
• 15:20
  Tina: My hair can be all different kinds of colors, like I'm good with it.
• 15:23
  Tina: But I am very fortunate, so I love it.
• 15:25
  Tina: So that's like one of the big things that women go through.
• 15:28
  Tina: Um, the other thing with uh menopause and perimenopause, there are symptoms that we don't even realize that can happen.
• 15:37
  Tina: Like with me, um, I've always had dental issues, and one of the things is with their menopause and menopause is dental issues.
• 15:45
  Tina: Like there was a four-month period where I had three different plant fillings fallout.
• 15:49
  Tina: Okay.
• 15:49
  Tina: So that is a thing, and then also frozen shoulders.
• 15:53
  Tina: Like I have had shoulder issues, which I'm very flexible, so that was surprising too.
• 15:58
  Tina: Um, I call menopause adult puberty.
• 16:02
  Tina: That's kind of how I look at it because it's like it's like being for, you know, when you were 14, you had all the hormones going on, everything weird was going on with your body, it was changing, it was shifting, you didn't know what was gonna happen, and you'd be like crying or laughing or fighting with your parents, you know, we have all those emotions.
• 16:20
  Tina: And so I experienced that a lot in uh menopause as well.
• 16:24
  Tina: And sometimes I get horrendous anxiety, and I'm like, that is so not like me to have this mind-crushing anxiety and just knowing that it's temporary and that you have to breathe through it and use like different tools to support you.
• 16:39
  Tina: Um, because menopause really gives you an opportunity for self-care.
• 16:44
  Tina: You know, as women, we don't really do that a lot.
• 16:48
  Tina: Um, in my profession, obviously, it's something I preached, but women are going here and there and doing 10 million different things and trying to do and be everything to everyone instead of taking care of themselves.
• 16:59
  Tina: And it's more than getting your nails and your hair done.
• 17:02
  Tina: So looking at MetaProcess being a gift that you actually really have to slow down and focus on you and tune into your body and be like, what is going on?
• 17:11
  Tina: Like things are changing.
• 17:13
  Tina: Um, and it's your body's by also of kind of like shutting down the factory, like, okay, we're not producing kids anymore.
• 17:19
  Tina: Like this the factory is shut down, we're closed for business on that one, and being able to resync them into creativity, you know.
• 17:28
  Tina: So it's like it's your time to really create and nurture those those desires in you that maybe you haven't had the opportunity to explore.
• 17:36
  Tina: Yeah.
• 17:37
  Mary: And there are certainly things like you mentioned.
• 17:40
  Mary: Like I had my own experience with frozen shoulder, and that is a story for another day because it had to do with I got a procedure and there that was the response, but the doctor didn't know it, I didn't know it.
• 17:51
  Mary: So I think the point being there are things that are more likely to happen, but they aren't things to be dreaded because it is totally driven by the hormonal shift.
• 18:02
  Mary: So hence the name second puberty, but it's a little bit of knowledge.
• 18:06
  Mary: And I can tell you, as someone who has a certification in functional nutrition, if we make some of the shifts, that can make a huge difference.
• 18:15
  Mary: And I know that's part of the thing that that people or I'll say women dread or roll their eyes about, like, well, I can't have my wine anymore and I can't eat this anymore.
• 18:25
  Mary: Some of those things are true if you want to keep your hormones more balanced.
• 18:30
  Mary: But once you embrace it, honestly, you don't miss it because it's making you healthier overall.
• 18:39
  Tina: Exactly.
• 18:39
  Tina: And it, you know, viewing your body as, you know, as a temple or thinking really what being conscious of what you're putting into it makes a huge difference.
• 18:48
  Tina: Um, I actually lost 90 pounds in my late 40s with Ayurvedic medicine.
• 18:54
  Tina: And that is all about tuning into the seasons and the cycles of the day and the year and really working with that and made a huge difference in my life because I always had an issue with my weight.
• 19:05
  Tina: I was always struggling with it.
• 19:07
  Tina: And that, like really tuning into my body and you know, using a natural approach made a huge difference.
• 19:12
  Tina: And some people might be like, oh, I don't want to do that, but for me it was life-changing.
• 19:17
  Mary: Yeah.
• 19:17
  Mary: And I'm I'm a nature girl.
• 19:19
  Mary: I have a book coming out at the beginning of the year called Nature Knows, and it's all about how plants teach us how to set boundaries and stay well.
• 19:26
  Mary: And I think that if we can tune into the things around us, it helps us to stay grounded.
• 19:32
  Mary: It helps us to know more what we need instinctively.
• 19:36
  Mary: But I think that you brought up a good point when you talk about this different stage means there are things that we don't need to tend to in the same way anymore, like children, like a career, all of the things that we are juggling through our, you know, 20s, through our mid-40s, into our 50s.
• 19:59
  Mary: When there's time to put that aside, you actually get to sit back and say, now what do I want to build in my life?
• 20:08
  Mary: And paying attention to what you're talking about, the self-care of yes, pedicures, which I love, but also really living a life based on getting sleep and and good food and all of those things.
• 20:22
  Mary: Now you get to do that, and that is so empowering in a different way.
• 20:28
  Tina: Exactly.
• 20:29
  Tina: And congratulations on your book, by the way.
• 20:31
  Tina: That's I'm sure it's gonna be amazing.
• 20:33
  Tina: Thank you.
• 20:34
  Tina: That is that's such a big thing.
• 20:35
  Tina: So that is wonderful.
• 20:37
  Tina: Yes, it really is.
• 20:38
  Tina: It is.
• 20:39
  Tina: And it's like as a point of, you know, just taking the time for yourself because uh hot flashes are real and we all experience them differently.
• 20:46
  Tina: And sometimes, you know, I wake up in the middle of the night at 3 a.m.
• 20:49
  Tina: and I can't get back to sleep.
• 20:50
  Tina: You know, that is real also.
• 20:52
  Tina: Um, but also then it's like I take a nap during the day, you know, or you know, you find other ways like doing some yoga or walking or breathing or other ways to really uh nurture that because it's like unfortunately that does happen, but finding ways to cope with it and giving yourself that time and space are so important.
• 21:11
  Mary: Yeah.
• 21:12
  Mary: So talk a little bit about what changes you've made, what you really embrace as part of this being healthy and vibrant at this age.
• 21:21
  Tina: Self-care.
• 21:22
  Tina: I love self-care.
• 21:23
  Tina: I will talk about that all day long.
• 21:25
  Tina: Um, I do a lot of tapping, which is emotional freedom technique.
• 21:29
  Tina: I love that.
• 21:30
  Tina: That has been a game changer because um I have horrendous travel anxiety, believe it or not.
• 21:36
  Tina: And then just with the different um changes I've been going through this year, uh, tapping has been a huge thing.
• 21:43
  Tina: Learning different breathing techniques also, like box breathing has been wonderful.
• 21:49
  Tina: Um, you know, making sure I'm getting enough sleep, enough water.
• 21:52
  Tina: My nutrition could definitely be a bit better, I will say.
• 21:56
  Tina: And I am very aware of that.
• 21:59
  Tina: Um, I'm not a supplements person, but I know I need to start taking them.
• 22:03
  Tina: Um, I'm the person I will buy the supplement and it sits on the shelf.
• 22:07
  Tina: So I know that's something I need to work on.
• 22:10
  Tina: Just being honest about that.
• 22:12
  Tina: Um, because we do need to give ourselves different nutrients and supplements and things like that, because our bodies do require different things and we're not getting them like we used to.
• 22:21
  Tina: Um, so but I do try to eat healthy and get movement and stretch.
• 22:26
  Tina: I stretch pretty much every day because you know, sometimes you wake up and you're like, oh, a little bit.
• 22:34
  Tina: And rather than focusing on that, like, because as people tend to get older, like, oh, this hurts and that hurts, and oh, I can't move, or you know, and I don't want to focus on those things.
• 22:44
  Tina: I want to be like, huh, okay, like this is feeling different today.
• 22:48
  Tina: Like I am feeling a little achier.
• 22:49
  Tina: This is a little more sore that it's like, okay, did I have too much sugar yesterday?
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:55
  Tina: And sometimes that is like a real thing.
• 22:57
  Tina: Like, I love sweets.
• 22:59
  Tina: Like, I oh my goodness, you know, there are so many amazing desserts in the world.
• 23:04
  Tina: Um, but it's like sometimes I'm like, oh, have I been eating too much sugar because your joints just kind of hurt in the morning some days.
• 23:10
  Tina: Yeah.
• 23:10
  Tina: Um, and that's why stretching also is so important, just to get everything moving and fluid and just even putting your legs up the wall can make a huge difference.
• 23:19
  Mary: Yeah, that's one of my favorite positions to lay on your back and have your butt against the wall with your legs straight up is one of my favorites.
• 23:26
  Mary: You made a good point about we need to keep moving because the more we move, the less it's gonna hurt.
• 23:33
  Mary: And weight training is really important.
• 23:36
  Mary: But you also said something else that I really want to highlight.
• 23:39
  Mary: You are a traveler, but you have travel anxiety.
• 23:42
  Mary: And I think this is the perfect point to make that if you have anxiety, and I don't know many people who love going through security at an airport and all the things now we have to go through to just get on a plane, but it's worth doing, right?
• 23:58
  Mary: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 24:00
  Tina: It is always worth a journey.
• 24:01
  Tina: Like I hate the actual act of traveling, uh-huh, but I love going to other countries.
• 24:06
  Tina: I love meeting new people, I love learning about new cultures.
• 24:08
  Tina: It is something I'm super passionate about.
• 24:10
  Tina: So it's worth it to me.
• 24:12
  Tina: Um, but yeah, it's getting better, I feel like, but I am I am really surprised because when I go through security, I'm like tapping and breathing, and it's like I look like I'm smuggling something.
• 24:24
  Tina: Like I do, I look like that nervous person.
• 24:26
  Tina: Um, and you know, and I'm not okay until I'm physically on the plane.
• 24:30
  Tina: You know, up until that point, even being at the gate, I'm like, oh my God, are they changing the gate?
• 24:33
  Tina: Like, what's going on?
• 24:34
  Tina: Like, I am the worst traveler.
• 24:36
  Tina: I'm also directionally challenged, I'm technologically challenged.
• 24:40
  Tina: So it's like, but it's worth it for me, you know.
• 24:43
  Tina: Even um changing countries, I had to switch from Colombia to Mexico.
• 24:48
  Tina: And the week before, I was having just mind-numbing anxiety.
• 24:51
  Tina: And I'm like, what is going on?
• 24:53
  Tina: Like, nothing is wrong in my life.
• 24:55
  Tina: I know I'm moving countries, but there was just this mind-crushing anxiety, and I was just like, okay, let's just breathe through this and take the walk and be out in nature and just give myself the time and space to sit and journal and talk to Chat GPT a little bit, actually.
• 25:11
  Tina: Yeah.
• 25:12
  Tina: You know, and just realize that things will change.
• 25:16
  Tina: Yeah.
• 25:17
  Tina: You know, the next day, the next afternoon, like later that day, you can feel completely different.
• 25:22
  Mary: Well, and recognizing that, that if you have a lot of anxiety about something, it doesn't mean you avoid it.
• 25:28
  Mary: It actually means you go toward it because then you're taking its power away.
• 25:32
  Mary: So I think there's also an idea that when someone listens to you and the things you've done and how you love to travel and you just move to a different country that and it's not where you grew up, they tend to think it's easy and that you just do it effortlessly.
• 25:48
  Mary: So I think that's the other thing that I love, that we can let people know, yeah, I do all these things that I love, but there is effort behind them sometimes, and I do have to deal with sometimes some anxiety or other things that could be a barrier.
• 26:04
  Tina: Absolutely.
• 26:05
  Tina: And sometimes the simplest things take the longest or the most frustrating in other country because I am not fluent in Spanish.
• 26:12
  Tina: My Spanish is still so bad.
• 26:14
  Tina: My pronunciation is so bad when I speak.
• 26:16
  Tina: People are like, what do you say?
• 26:18
  Tina: Um, but I'm really friendly and I use Google Translate um and I can convey what I need.
• 26:23
  Tina: You know, and a lot of people do speak English around the world, so that helps me it helps me, but it doesn't help me learn the language.
• 26:30
  Tina: Um, but it's just like you know, being friendly and and realizing things are different, you know, and when you go to a different country, don't expect it to be like where you're from, right?
• 26:40
  Tina: Be embracing out that culture, those people.
• 26:43
  Tina: And I am just in awe of everything.
• 26:45
  Tina: Like I love going with little candies and because they're all like a little different because they're locally owned businesses.
• 26:51
  Tina: And I just love that about different countries, you know.
• 26:54
  Tina: So it's like embracing those differences and knowing that, yeah, it can be challenging, but give yourself some time and space to have a glass of water or relax or just connect with people and just enjoy the experience of being someplace else.
• 27:08
  Tina: Like it's so amazing.
• 27:10
  Mary: Well, it's also great for your brain because anytime you do something that's different, even if you drive a different way home from work or the grocery store, it is really a great way to keep your neural connections kind of lubricated and your mind going.
• 27:26
  Mary: And I think also when you can just accept that you don't know what you don't know.
• 27:33
  Mary: So for instance, I went to Costa Rica and I needed to go to the post office and buy stamps.
• 27:39
  Mary: And I do know a little bit of Spanish, it's not great, but I just took my translation book along so they knew that not that they wouldn't know by looking at me that I'm not from there, but um, I just took it along and people are amazingly willing to help you if you just are honest and say, hey, I'm I'm gonna try this.
• 28:00
  Mary: And once you try and you're gonna fail, you're gonna pronounce things wrong.
• 28:05
  Mary: The world doesn't end.
• 28:06
  Mary: When I was in Italy, I tried to order pizza with basil and I ordered pizza with a church on it or something like I used totally the wrong, because I think basilica is something like church.
• 28:18
  Mary: I don't get it.
• 28:19
  Mary: Yeah.
• 28:19
  Mary: So I they kind of looked at me and then we just all laughed because they knew what I meant.
• 28:24
  Mary: But I think that feeling of just let yourself mess up because what it actually does almost all the time is it creates a connection because you're sharing laughter and a smile also goes very far when you're in a situation that you're uncomfortable with.
• 28:42
  Tina: Absolutely.
• 28:42
  Tina: And people are just wonderful all over the world.
• 28:45
  Tina: I've been to over 10 countries or so since I started traveling when I turned 45.
• 28:49
  Tina: And people are just amazing.
• 28:51
  Tina: And if you're friendly and generous and kind, you're going to have people that want to help you rather than people who are like, ah, you know, occasionally I get people who are like, but it's rare.
• 29:02
  Tina: Um, I use Google Translate.
• 29:04
  Tina: You can also use uh Chat GPT for translation as well.
• 29:07
  Tina: So it's kind of it's kind of nice.
• 29:09
  Tina: Like we're so blessed to have the technology these days, even if we don't know how to use it.
• 29:13
  Mary: Oh yeah.
• 29:14
  Mary: Well, Google Translate is awesome, and you can even have it translate a menu, like just it it uses your camera and it will translate your menu.
• 29:23
  Mary: So we do have so many things to help.
• 29:26
  Mary: And you're right, I think if there's somebody that kind of turns up their nose, well, they're just a grump.
• 29:31
  Mary: And then you can move on and you know go to the next person, but it's so enriching to do it.
• 29:37
  Tina: It absolutely is.
• 29:39
  Tina: And my bit my bigger vision actually is to create co-living spaces that are international so women can travel solo and feel like they have a community.
• 29:48
  Tina: Oh, I know that where we can teach each other because by the time you're 50 or in midlife, like you've learned a lot of things.
• 29:54
  Tina: And so I want to create these communities where women can share what we've learned, kind of like help each other level.
• 29:59
  Tina: Up um and give of what you know because we've all learned so many different things.
• 30:04
  Tina: Women have had amazing businesses, careers, uh, children.
• 30:08
  Tina: Like we've we've done a lot I know.
• 30:10
  Tina: And I want to create these beautiful, like palace-like places that are luxury and uh, you know, but affordable and so we can share things.
• 30:19
  Tina: You know, because I really think building each other up and sharing what we've learned so we can all change and grow together, especially at this stage of life, we'll be unstoppable.
• 30:31
  Mary: Totally.
• 30:32
  Mary: And we have been set up so often to be in competition.
• 30:35
  Mary: And I think that's part of the reason why we struggle so much with our body changes because we we look at other women and we're like, wow, how does she look so good?
• 30:45
  Mary: Or what's she doing?
• 30:46
  Mary: And that's the thing, you know, with coloring our hair or, you know, doing certain things facially, like whatever it is, there is that competition or that comparison.
• 30:58
  Mary: And I think we need to flip that and we need to start using the strength of our connection to you're right, to build each other up.
• 31:05
  Tina: Absolutely.
• 31:06
  Tina: And I really think that menopause kind of does that for women because now there are celebrities speaking out about it and their experiences with it.
• 31:13
  Tina: You know, women you'd never think would have problems in their lives, you know, uh but Halle Berry, Drew Barrymore, you know, Maria Schreiber, Oprah, like they're all coming out and saying, hey, this is what's happened, this is what we've experienced, and they have access to the best medical teams on earth.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 31:31
  Tina: You know, but being able to share the experiences, I think it's going to help not only us as we're going through it, but women that come after us to not be afraid and to embrace things and to help each of us like bring us up instead of you know nitpicking each other and that because that's not what we need to do.
• 31:48
  Tina: We need to rise together.
• 31:49
  Tina: Yeah.
• 31:50
  Mary: Well, and I think somebody like Jamie Lee Curtis, who lets you see her face as an aging woman and her energy is so amazing.
• 32:00
  Mary: And I think it's starting to happen more.
• 32:03
  Mary: So Pamela Anderson, it goes out without makeup.
• 32:06
  Mary: Carrie Russell, who is, she's, I don't even think she's 50 yet, but she is allowing her face to look like someone who is approaching 50.
• 32:15
  Mary: And we don't need to apologize for that.
• 32:17
  Mary: I mean, and in the the um pressure on them in that industry is so much stronger.
• 32:23
  Mary: So I really admire when they basically say, hey, this is me and this is what I look like now.
• 32:29
  Mary: And if it means I'm gonna miss out on roles, then that's where the problem is.
• 32:35
  Tina: Exactly.
• 32:36
  Tina: Exactly.
• 32:37
  Tina: You know, and look at Meryl Street, she's amazing, and she has done every kind of role there is.
• 32:43
  Tina: Like I just love her.
• 32:44
  Tina: Yeah.
• 32:45
  Tina: So I really think that we're so fortunate to be in this time and age where women are actually embracing it and being like, it's normal, it's okay.
• 32:53
  Tina: And, you know, we don't deserve to be treated differently.
• 32:56
  Tina: We deserve to be treated like the wonderful creatures that we are.
• 32:59
  Mary: Yeah, we're one we are wonderful.
• 33:01
  Mary: And so I'm gonna talk a little about your book.
• 33:03
  Mary: Now I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna swear people.
• 33:05
  Mary: Her upcoming book is called 50 Fabulous and Fuckable.
• 33:09
  Mary: And tell us what made you decide you needed to put something down in writing in book form.
• 33:18
  Tina: The idea came to me, honestly.
• 33:19
  Tina: I was terrified of turning 50.
• 33:21
  Tina: I was about 46, 47.
• 33:23
  Tina: The idea of I I wanted to be empowered and inspired by turning 50.
• 33:26
  Tina: I did not want to be terrified of it because I had people around me that were like that were 50 or even younger than me, be like, oh, this person, that hurts and oh, I'm getting so old, and 50 is so old.
• 33:36
  Tina: And I was like, wait a minute, I still feel really good.
• 33:38
  Tina: I don't know what's gonna happen when I turn 50.
• 33:41
  Tina: Like, do I die?
• 33:42
  Tina: Does everything close up?
• 33:43
  Tina: Like, what happens?
• 33:44
  Tina: Like, I don't know.
• 33:45
  Tina: Like, I feel really good right now.
• 33:47
  Tina: Is it gonna change that much in a couple of years?
• 33:49
  Tina: And so I was terrified.
• 33:50
  Tina: So I really wanted to not only empower and inspire myself, but then the book idea came to me.
• 33:55
  Tina: I did not sit down and try to create it.
• 33:58
  Tina: I don't consider myself a writer.
• 34:00
  Tina: And it's so funny because it came to me when the title came to me.
• 34:03
  Tina: I was like, oh my goodness, can I say that?
• 34:05
  Tina: Am I allowed to say that?
• 34:06
  Tina: Like, I don't know.
• 34:06
  Tina: Like, oh my goodness, like, what are people gonna say?
• 34:10
  Tina: But it's just such a great title.
• 34:12
  Tina: Like it is, because it keeps anywhere I say that in the world, people like, ooh, men, women, all ages, they're like, I want to read that book.
• 34:21
  Tina: Um, so it's been really interesting people's responses to the title of the book, and then also when I tell them what the book is about, uh, because it is based on my own life experience.
• 34:31
  Tina: I really wanted to make it for the readers and not have it be just all about me.
• 34:34
  Tina: Um, but it is based on everything that I have done.
• 34:38
  Tina: So it's like it's kind of like a how-to, like if I can do this, you can do this.
• 34:42
  Tina: Um, but it's it's really like I wasn't sure about writing a book that talked about being in your 50s.
• 34:47
  Tina: So I'm like, I've never done it before.
• 34:49
  Tina: Like, that is not my area of expertise.
• 34:51
  Tina: Like, we don't we're only trained 51.
• 34:53
  Tina: Yeah, you know, it's not like playing basketball or something that you do and build up a skill.
• 34:58
  Tina: Um, so and it's been really interesting because people are getting inspired by the things that I've done.
• 35:04
  Tina: They're really amazed that I have been traveling, uh especially since I started so late in life, and living abroad and doing these things that I've lost 90 pounds and I was living on passive income for five years, um, you know, and that I do go to other countries where I don't speak the language at all.
• 35:22
  Tina: Yeah.
• 35:23
  Tina: But it's part of that joy of turning, uh becoming midlife and being like, if I don't do it now, when am I going to do it?
• 35:30
  Tina: Because we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
• 35:32
  Tina: We are not guaranteed that we're going to have a long, healthy life.
• 35:35
  Tina: We are not guaranteed we're going to be liftful mindy.
• 35:38
  Tina: And they're really like, there's nothing worse than going to Europe and seeing people getting around using canes and walkers and wheelchairs because they are not able-bodied enough to do it.
• 35:48
  Tina: Because traveling is hard to begin with.
• 35:50
  Tina: Like it is, it's challenging.
• 35:51
  Tina: And I wanted to have these these experiences now because if something does happen to me, I know that I've lived a life that I'm very passionate about and that I've done the things I wanted to do.
• 36:02
  Tina: And I would rather do things to regret them than not do them and regret not doing them.
• 36:09
  Tina: You know?
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:11
  Tina: And I think more of us need to live like that because it's really easy to get boxed into the nine to five and thinking you can't do anything different.
• 36:18
  Tina: And my life has been very unconventional.
• 36:21
  Tina: Um, I've been through a lot, and if I can do these things, anyone can do them.
• 36:25
  Tina: And that is really the essence of my book.
• 36:27
  Tina: If I can do it, you can do it.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:28
  Tina: You know, and there's always hope.
• 36:30
  Tina: Like if I can go through all the things I've been through in my life and come out on the other side, then so can you.
• 36:36
  Mary: Yeah.
• 36:36
  Mary: And I was gonna say, what would be one key takeaway?
• 36:39
  Mary: Well, you just said it.
• 36:40
  Mary: If you can do it, anybody can do it.
• 36:41
  Mary: And you know, I think that it also shows that we have an idea, especially when we're young, that we're going to have a life that's kind of like a ladder, that we climb to the next thing and the next thing.
• 36:53
  Mary: Well, I think you've fallen off the ladder a couple times and you've had to make your own ladder or go around the ladder.
• 37:00
  Mary: And when you talk about five years with passive income, we also are terrified to leave a job we hate because we're worried about that money issue.
• 37:09
  Mary: So I think there's a lot of things where you've reinvented yourself in a sense and your path.
• 37:15
  Mary: And so I think that would be a a pretty inspirational story for people to hear or to read.
• 37:24
  Tina: Well, I really appreciate that.
• 37:25
  Tina: And um and a lot of this like came from my last car accident.
• 37:29
  Tina: I was rented by an 89-year-old lady that was going into assisted living the next week.
• 37:35
  Tina: Oh my.
• 37:36
  Tina: And I was just like, could you not have waited like five minutes?
• 37:39
  Tina: So it's really interesting.
• 37:41
  Tina: It's like, I do wonder what would have happened if that accident had happened because it was very difficult for me.
• 37:46
  Tina: And I hung on to the pain and the anger for a long time, and I still have issues with that in 20 beginning of 2020.
• 37:53
  Tina: I was like, I have to let go of this.
• 37:56
  Tina: I have to quit being angry.
• 37:58
  Tina: I have to let my body heal because I was just angry and in pain all the time.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 38:03
  Tina: And that does not help.
• 38:04
  Tina: It does not help when you're fighting with an insurance company and trying to get things resolved and they don't believe you.
• 38:09
  Tina: Um, so yeah, you have to like some at some times you just have to let things go.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 38:15
  Tina: And you have to be willing to move forward and realize that maybe you're not gonna do everything perfectly because I definitely haven't done things perfectly at all.
• 38:22
  Tina: And there are things I would definitely do differently.
• 38:24
  Tina: But live your life, enjoy it, embrace it.
• 38:26
  Tina: You're only gonna be this young, you're only gonna be as young as you are right now.
• 38:31
  Tina: You know, and I know women in their 70s that are absolutely amazing.
• 38:35
  Tina: So I'm like, I want to be like you.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
• 38:38
  Tina: Like, you're in better shape and healthier than I am.
• 38:41
  Tina: I want to be like you when I grow up.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 38:43
  Tina: So yeah.
• 38:43
  Tina: So embrace it, enjoy it, and live your life.
• 38:46
  Tina: Oh, I love that.
• 38:48
  Mary: Well, that's that's a great note to wrap it up on.
• 38:51
  Mary: So thank you for being here.
• 38:53
  Mary: Tell us when your book will be available and if there's anything else, like where they can find you, if there's anything else you want to share.
• 39:00
  Tina: Okay, absolutely.
• 39:02
  Tina: Um, it will be available through uh Amazon.
• 39:05
  Tina: It's not on there yet, but it will be on there very soon.
• 39:08
  Tina: It should be available by the end of this month, which is November.
• 39:11
  Tina: Um, and the place to find me, I'm on TikTok and Instagram at Transform Bake Courageous.
• 39:17
  Tina: And then I also have like a hub of all the products I have available.
• 39:21
  Tina: It's beacons.ai backslash backslash transform bake courageous.
• 39:27
  Tina: So that has like little uh everything on it.
• 39:31
  Tina: And I do have some freebies on there.
• 39:33
  Tina: I do have the seven steps of self-love on there as well as a travel guide.
• 39:37
  Tina: So those are like little freebies that everyone can enjoy.
• 39:40
  Tina: Um, technology is not my strong point, so I'm trying to like do everything and regroup everything by myself.
• 39:45
  Tina: And it's like but yeah.
• 39:48
  Mary: Okay, great.
• 39:49
  Mary: And I will put all I will link all that in the show notes so if they if people didn't get it, you know, they'll be able to access it.
• 39:55
  Mary: Well, thank you, Tina.
• 39:56
  Mary: This was a this was a fun conversation.
• 39:59
  Mary: Well, thanks so much.
• 40:00
  Mary: It was so great being on your on your podcast.
• 40:02
  Mary: I absolutely love it.
• 40:03
  Mary: Thank you.
• 40:04
  Mary: And we didn't hear any fireworks, so and I want to thank everyone for listening.
• 40:08
  Mary: Please share this episode with the friend who is ready to expand fully into her midlife.
• 40:13
  Mary: And until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.