Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 642: The 3 MISTAKES People Make AFTER No Contact

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Episode 642: The 3 MISTAKES People Make AFTER No Contact · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  Getting an X pack is a two step process, no contact and after no
• 0:05
  contact. No contact is the easy part.
• 0:09
  Although if you have anxiety it's not so easy.
• 0:12
  But it's simple because you don't have to do anything.
• 0:15
  It's afterwards where people screw up.
• 0:18
  People assume that they just have to hear from their ex and
• 0:21
  have a conversation and they're back.
• 0:24
  And that's just not true. Out of all the hundreds of
• 0:27
  clients I've seen getting back together, that has rarely
• 0:30
  happened. So if you don't know what you're
• 0:32
  doing, you're going to screw it up and you'll find yourself back
• 0:36
  in no contact. So let's find out what those top
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  three mistakes are after no contact.
• 0:42
  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:46
  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
• 0:49
  And welcome back my beautiful No contact army.
• 0:52
  To help you stay in no contact I have an app called Silencio and
• 0:56
  if you haven't downloaded it yet, the link is below every
• 0:59
  single video and every single podcast.
• 1:01
  It will help you to stay in no contact and if you too would
• 1:04
  like to join our no contact army, all you have to do is hit
• 1:07
  the subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 1:12
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com where you
• 1:16
  can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 1:20
  OK, so people who are in no contact because they want to get
• 1:24
  their X back, their thought is, am I going to hear from him?
• 1:28
  Am I going to hear from her? They think that they just have
• 1:31
  to hear from their ex and then boom, it's back on.
• 1:34
  No, that's a very small step in getting the X back.
• 1:38
  But because you have high interest and often high anxiety,
• 1:43
  and you think that all you need to do is hear from them and you
• 1:46
  will automatically be back together.
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  Which leads us to our first mistake.
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  Assuming that you're automatically back together just
• 1:55
  because you heard from them. Now when I say heard from them,
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  because if you've been listening to me, you know you don't
• 1:59
  respond to its significant messages.
• 2:01
  So if you heard from them or ran into them, you're now in
• 2:07
  contact. So if they left a significant
• 2:10
  message or they did a significant gesture and you felt
• 2:13
  OK, I can break no contact, you're now back in contact.
• 2:16
  Or if you ran into them and you spoke to them, well, you just
• 2:20
  broke no contact and you're temporarily back with them.
• 2:22
  And I have two examples of two clients that this happened to.
• 2:26
  However, that doesn't mean that you're back together.
• 2:30
  Because the reason I'm doing this video is because one of my
• 2:34
  clients, who was in no contact, heard from her ex.
• 2:37
  He did a grand gesture, so she started talking to him.
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  Unbeknownst to me. For some reason, when people
• 2:44
  hear from their exes, they just feel OK Yeah, don't need a chi
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  anymore. Yeah, we're back.
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  Yeah, sure. And even after the grand
• 2:52
  gesture, he wasn't trying to see her.
• 2:54
  He didn't say anything about getting back together.
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  So luckily she got back in touch with me and I put a stop to all
• 3:00
  that nonsense and I said no more texting, stop it.
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  So now she's back in no contact because she didn't do things
• 3:08
  correctly. She just assumed that they were
• 3:10
  getting back together. And my other client who I've
• 3:13
  mentioned in a previous video, when he ran into his ex, they
• 3:20
  sat and had coffee for four hours.
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  Now, you would think if your ex gives you 4 hours that hey,
• 3:28
  we're back on, they want me back.
• 3:31
  Yeah, no, I know it's crazy. And luckily he was in touch with
• 3:38
  me the whole time. So I said, well let's wait and
• 3:39
  see what she does next. Then she invited him up for
• 3:42
  coffee again and I said do not stay there for four hours.
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  This time I said half an hour at the most.
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  Did he listen? Of course not.
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  This time it was 3 hours. OK, a little better than four.
• 3:55
  But still, Were they back on? No, it still took, if I recall
• 4:00
  correctly, about another month and a half to two months before
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  they were finally back together. And actually now they're
• 4:07
  engaged. So again, people don't make the
• 4:10
  mistake of thinking, well, we're back in touch, so we're back
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  together. No, think of your ex as a feral
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  cat. OK.
• 4:18
  So with a feral cat, you just because they're in the house
• 4:23
  doesn't mean they're going to stay in the house, doesn't mean
• 4:25
  they're not going to scratch. You remember right now, they're
• 4:28
  feral. So you leave the feral cat
• 4:31
  alone, see what he's going to do, what she's going to do, and
• 4:35
  then you'll have a better idea as to whether you can keep that
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  cat inside or back outside, because they may very well want
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  to get back together. But most people are going to try
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  to sneak back in, meaning they're not going to have a
• 4:47
  conversation. And so until they say something
• 4:52
  like I want you back, I made a mistake, Can we talk about
• 4:56
  getting back together? Can we fix things?
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  Something like that. They have to say it, don't just
• 5:01
  assume it, then just assume you're not back together.
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  Because if you missed this first step and don't have that
• 5:08
  conversation you, you're going to then make the second mistake,
• 5:12
  which is not asking the six questions.
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  And I have a video for that. I'll put it in the upper right
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  hand corner on YouTube. And regular listeners of mine,
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  they know what I'm talking about.
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  They know about the six questions because otherwise
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  you're making it way too easy for someone to come back and
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  they think they can just sneak back in.
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  Anyone who's willing to break up with you once is willing to do
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  it again. Would you ever have broken up
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  with your ex? Probably not.
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  You would have done everything to try and fix whatever was
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  going on and they didn't. They left, so they're probably
• 5:44
  not going to have a problem breaking up again.
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  This is why I have the six questions which they have to
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  answer with great answers, not just with any old answer.
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  And if they do, then you have a better chance of staying
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  together this time. And you also have to discuss the
• 6:01
  issue or issues that led to the breakup.
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  Again, people want to just sweep everything under the rug,
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  pretend nothing happened. Oh, I just want to get back
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  together. It's not just about getting back
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  together. It's about getting back together
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  correctly or it will fall apart pretty much guaranteed.
• 6:18
  And by the way, if you were finding this helpful, if you can
• 6:20
  give this a thumbs up on YouTube, that way we can help
• 6:23
  the algorithm recommended to other people and they too can
• 6:26
  get their ex correctly back, or back correctly, whatever, all
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  right. And then finally, the third
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  mistake is being impatient to get back together because you
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  want to alleviate your anxiety. But as I said, this is a
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  process. You don't just rush into it when
• 6:45
  you first start dating. You didn't go from first date to
• 6:49
  fully committed, did you? I hope not.
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  So you don't now go from broken up to back at 100.
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  You have to start at zero and then slowly back up to 100.
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  So they are on probation for at least 30 days and you should not
• 7:09
  be the one reaching out to them. They have to prove to you that
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  they want you back, that they've changed.
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  If they needed to change, they need to be the one putting in
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  the effort. So don't be impatient to hurry
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  up and get back to how you were before.
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  It takes time. I know you have anxiety, but if
• 7:28
  you do it correctly and you get them back correctly, then you
• 7:31
  won't have to pull away and do no contact all over again.
• 7:35
  Because if you thought no contact sucks the first time,
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  have I told you to do it the second time or third time?
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  Hopefully not. OK, so now I want to hear from
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  you. Have you made any of these
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  mistakes after being in touch with your ex and which ones did
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  you make? And in the meantime, if you
• 7:50
  would like my help to get your ex back, contact me at
• 7:53
  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 7:55
  They are not on the website and the direct link is below every
• 7:58
  single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 8:02
  please like, subscribe and share.
• 8:04
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 8:08
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 8:13
  enlightens.