Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / You Can't Get A Woman Obsessed With You That Also Lets You Leave All The Time

Transcript

You Can't Get A Woman Obsessed With You That Also Lets You Leave All The Time · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the dr.
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  Psych mom show, today, I'm going to be talking about the fact
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  that you cannot get a woman who is obsessed with you.
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  That also lets you leave the house all the time, and sounds
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  funny, when I put it like that, like your prisoner, but
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  hopefully I can clarify before that though.
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  I must tell you to subscribe. I thought that I would be up to
• 0:28
  a subscriber episode with this one, but it's actually going to
• 0:31
  be the next one and I don't know what it's going to be.
• 0:33
  It's kind of as a spirit move. Me and whatever I kind of make
• 0:38
  it tick tock about recently that people like that factors into it
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  too. But anyway, the most recent one
• 0:45
  was, when you have different ideas about retirement that your
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  spouse and I have loads of them including oral sex on women.
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  So, that's the most popular. And please do, subscribe.
• 0:56
  And follow me all over social media.
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  Because sometimes you get to see early versions of what these
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  podcasts turn into or posts and everything, okay?
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  So a lot of guys want something that doesn't exist.
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  It's a mythological creature called the woman who's obsessed
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  with you, but also lets you do whatever you want.
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  Now, the only thing you know, what that's called is called a
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  girlfriend. It's called a girlfriend because
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  y'all, you don't have a house together, you don't have kids
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  together. You don't have finances
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  together. You don't have to do any
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  housework for her. She has a full social life, she
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  met, she's made a good with her parents still or with a roommate
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  or something. She's got somebody to hang out
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  with all the time. You go to work, then you do your
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  hobbies during that, she's doing her thing.
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  And then when you see her, you of uproarious sex, I have a
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  great time in the bedroom because it's the honeymoon stage
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  and her, her hormones are super inflated to a degree that they
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  will never be. Again, although, she's unaware
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  of this and thinks that it's just that you're so wonderful.
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  Okay, so that's a girlfriend, then what happens?
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  You get married. You got a lot of shit together.
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  If you're not home, then she's alone.
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  On with the kids and she if she still somebody that likes,
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  physical touch and sex. She misses you, she physically
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  misses you. This is what people don't
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  understand about people with physical touch, Love Languages,
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  any woman that I've seen with a physical touch, love language
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  and I do have, maybe my next podcast will be this one
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  actually, but I've seen this with stay-at-home moms, also,
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  with moms of young kids of babies and stuff.
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  And I was one of these women with physical touch love
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  languages. It's like they can't be away
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  from the baby. They feel like they can't Away
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  from the bay because they just want to cuddle the baby and
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  touch the baby so much. And it's like a physical feeling
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  of like like pain when you're away from the baby.
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  These are like when you hear the stories about women, who try to
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  go back to work and then they miss the baby too much.
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  I think personally from what I see that a lot of these women
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  are women with physical touch, love languages, you know, they
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  express love through touch. So when they can't touch the
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  baby then they feel like they are.
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  They had All this like horrible searing pain, you know.
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  So if a woman has a physical touch, love language, which in
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  women, usually goes with quality time.
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  Also, it's interesting because with women because they have
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  lower sex drives than men, overall, physical touch.
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  When it's the love language, usually, really is physical
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  touch. All kinds of physical touch,
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  including sex for a man, a lot of men.
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  Just like they think they have a physical touch love language
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  because they love sex so much so sex Carrie.
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  The day. But in reality, that may not
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  actually be their love language, but good it's like, oh, you
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  know, like any average it's pulled up by an outlier.
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  So they love sex so much that they think they have a physical
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  touch love language but in reality they don't really like
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  to lay around for hours and cuddle or anything.
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  They just really like to have sex.
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  So so there's more of those guys but like that get their love
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  language is physical touch, but it's not really physical touch.
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  Touch. Then women, if a woman says, she
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  has a physical touch. Love language is pretty accurate
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  because she doesn't have that overly like super obsessional,
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  sex drive. Usually, especially, with in
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  monogamy, if she takes the test in monogamy.
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  So she really does want cuddling and touching, and all of these
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  different other ways of expressing love through touch.
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  If you get a woman that has a physical touch, love language,
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  does she want you to be gone the whole day on They golfing know
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  why cause she likes when you are around and he usually goes with
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  quality time to, it's like the woman that needs to like, see
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  you like you need to be in the room for her to feel loved and
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  for some women that's just seeing that you're in the room
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  and hanging out and for others it's like actually touch it.
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  You know this woman that then also wants more sex.
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  Usually when they have the physical touch love language
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  that with in monogamy makes a big difference and They don't
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  want you gone all the time. So the thing is is if you really
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  value your Independence and your career and your ability to do
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  whatever the fuck you want, whenever the fuck you are, do
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  you really want a woman with a physical touch love language?
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  Like you may be thinking you do, I don't know because most men
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  that I talked to that are upset with their sex lives, they seem
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  to want to things. They describe a woman who takes
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  care of a lot of stuff at home can be on her own for extended
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  periods. It's supportive of work travel.
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  It's Port of of their career is supportive of their Myriad
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  hobbies and also they want her to be obsessed about is by about
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  their body and want sex all the time and want to cuddle and
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  touch. When are they cuddling and
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  touching though, when you gone all the time?
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  They're not so either it seems like if you want to be the kind
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  of man who does everything that you want to do and you work,
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  when you want to work, you do Hobbies when you want to do
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  Hobbies. Basically you do what you want.
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  I'm not saying you don't do child.
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  Care. But you certainly want to be
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  able to get a break from it and you give your wife a break from
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  it to thereby, extending the amount of time that she's away
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  from you. This also explains why there's
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  men who are like my wife. She just like so not, she
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  doesn't want me to go to the gym but then I say cool.
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  Well, if I can go to the gym, then you can go to the gym
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  though. So how about I go to the gym
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  from 9 to 11? And then you go to the gym from
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  11 to 1? And then, could you imagine how
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  crazy she is? She said, no, she said then.
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  We will be a part twice the length of time.
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  It does that make any sense? So should I just not go to the
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  gym? Well, what you're dealing with
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  there is a woman who values quality time and or physical
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  touch. So it's a her what you're saying
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  is nonsensical, you're saying you don't like, I'm gone that
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  we're not together for two hours.
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  Well, bitch, how about I make it for hours, that's how it comes
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  out to her to you. You're trying to say, hey I
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  value my alone time at the gym. I'm sure you would value the
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  same and I'm willing to give it to you, but she doesn't value
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  her alone time the way that you do.
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  She wants the together time. And honestly, if you were to
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  both, if you were to stay home for the full four hours, both of
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  you did, she would feel warm and close and connected.
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  I'm probably more cuddly and touchy, and whatever.
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  Now, there are some men that will be like, know, my wife just
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  wants help with the kids. She's extremely anxious and she
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  just wants help with the kids. Yes, you could be in that.
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  Situation to, you know, and you would easily be able to figure
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  out if you're in that situation. By that when you have tried
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  hopefully you have tried to just stay home and help with the kids
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  the whole day. Sometimes she is not happy.
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  Then, that's when like also, by the way, you could tell because
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  she's not in the room. So like if you are taking care
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  of the kid, she's not in the room, then she is not a physical
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  touch quality time person. She is just a person who's
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  extremely anxious and overwhelmed with child-rearing
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  and And she wants you around to give her a break.
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  All right. That's no harm.
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  No foul, fine. You got to figure that out,
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  obviously, especially if that means that she takes a break,
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  the whole weekend by herself while you're alone with kids,
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  the whole weekend, and then you never get any time together.
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  But but that, that is not the situation.
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  We're talking about here. What we're talking about here,
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  is the men who have noticed that their wives are extremely a lot
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  happier and calmer when they are around.
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  Hound and the wives are our can be even touchy and lovey when
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  they were around but the shit hits the fan whenever they have
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  to leave. So this is usually the avoidant
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  attachment husband's, you can refer back to my avoidant
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  husband podcast. Because these men, they don't
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  get it. They're like I think she's
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  attracted to me. I mean, last weekend was a good
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  weekend but then I travel for work, which of course, I have to
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  do from Monday to Wednesday. And then when I came back, you
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  know, I had to do my, you know, CrossFit, The Thursday night and
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  then I had this happy hour for work on Friday night and by
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  Saturday she won't touch me man, women.
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  It must be her time of the month know as much as I believe that
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  the menstrual cycle certainly influences, mood variations in
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  this case. If she is a physical touch on
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  quality time woman and you've been gone basically for six days
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  straight. Then she doesn't love you the
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  same way anymore because she wasn't allowed to love you in
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  the way that she loves you. She Wasn't like, feeling love
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  because her love is spending time together touching you and
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  being closed. If she can't do that for six
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  days straight, or for some women for like, two days straight,
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  then she is going to be sad, disconnected, angry.
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  All of the things that you would feel if you didn't get your love
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  language met for x amount of days, which is probably sex,
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  right? So the, the point here is that
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  there are men who are Are putting their wives in
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  impossible situations by either getting a high physical touch
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  woman and then not spending enough time and touch with her
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  and instead, go in and doing their own thing or men, who
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  want, who want a woman to be more touch oriented more,
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  touchy-feely more connected, but really needed a woman who is
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  very independent and didn't need that stuff for at least the
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  first part of their life together.
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  You know, and very much valued Fact, the fact that the woman
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  let them do whatever they wanted and then sometimes we'll be in
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  therapy and I'll be like, but she always wanted you to go do
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  stuff. You know, that was the sign that
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  she doesn't really want to hang out.
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  You know, it wasn't that she loves you so much that she wants
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  to facilitate your best life. She she liked the alone time she
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  liked being in. Let's say the long-distance
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  relationship and I've written that I think I've done.
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  Cass about long-distance relationships.
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  Long-distance relationships are classic example of this.
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  So, guys, will be in a long distance relationship with a
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  woman for like years and then they'll get together.
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  Turns out, she doesn't want to touch your hang out that much.
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  Well, guess why? No shed, right?
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  I mean, she was cool with the long-distance relationship.
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  The epitome of not being physically connect it, if she
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  was okay with that, that's because that was in her comfort
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  zone. If she wasn't all the time,
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  crying about how much You missed, you and trying to figure
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  out ways to live together. And and, and trying to say, oh,
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  let's do it like this. Or let's do it like this or I'm
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  so upset or I'm so unhappy. I have to see you more.
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  I have another flight if she was actually kind of okay with it,
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  that wasn't cause she was so mature and accepting that it was
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  because she doesn't Supervalu the touch and the quality time
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  in the same place. And soothing, it's very unfair,
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  to expect her to change your personality on a dime.
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  When you are now in the same city living in the same, Same
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  house, even and you decide that you want a closer more intense
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  physical connection. I'm not saying that it's not
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  understandable. Nor am I saying that a man in
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  his 20s or even an older man that has never really thought or
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  introspected about this stuff should not and I think you
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  should have known in any way. Nobody should know like how you
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  get to know something, you don't know, you don't know what you
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  don't know. Definitionally but the point is
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  you could have an epiphany now that you may have picked
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  somebody that a either You could be in two situations, the people
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  that I'm addressing this podcast, either you could have
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  gotten somebody without a physical touch quality time,
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  love language. And again for women those go
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  together a lot and now so they didn't have it and now you wish
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  that they did but now you realize, man that's kind of
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  unfair. They never had it or you could
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  be in a situation with somebody who does have it and understand
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  why they are so sad and angry all the time when you're just
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  trying in your mind. To do your own thing and live
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  your life because they don't want that.
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  That's not how they think about the world.
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  They think about the relationship as our default is
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  spending all our time together. And sometimes, unfortunately, we
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  have to be a part of your philosophy.
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  May be in opposition to that. It may be like we live our own
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  lives as a default and then we come together for things like
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  parenting and sex and sometimes Vacations or Dinner or
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  something, you know. And so those two competing
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  philosophies really have to be ironed out and couples work or
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  in conversation or honestly in some way.
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  Otherwise the people in those relationships continue to be
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  very unhappy and sometimes they split, because it is hard to be
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  somebody who wants to be all the time with a partner.
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  When the partner doesn't want to be with you and so, ironically,
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  some of these men don't even know that.
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  Their wife has a physical touch love language because they never
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  give her enough. Non-sexual physical touch that
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  she wants to have sex. And in their mind sex is a
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  physical touch, love language. Those things are synonymous, but
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  for women are not synonymous for women.
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  A lot of women with physical touch love language.
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  The sex comes after all the cuddling and all the touching
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  and if you're not all round for all the cuddling and all the
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  touching then they don't want to have sex.
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  Because the more that they have sex with you, then the I feel
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  like they are almost done saying it's okay.
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  That they're sad all the time because you're gone.
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  So a lot of people are in this sad situation where they have
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  what they ostensibly one, which is a wife with, you know, like a
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  lot of sexual potential but they never get to see it because they
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  never give the non sexual physical touch that she needs in
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  order to get going with the sexual part of, or they only did
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  that in the honeymoon stage. All right.
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  So hopefully this was an interesting thing to you guys.
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  Guys. And if you are in the situation
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  of the woman who needs more non-sexual physical touch in
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  order to have sex and you feel that your love language actually
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  is physical touch, then this would be a good thing to Broach
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  with your partner and to have him even listen to the podcast.
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  Because he's probably, like, no way.
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  You don't like sex because whenever I try to have sex with
• 15:23
  you, you don't want to have sex and you're like, no I don't just
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  want to have sex. I want to have all the touching
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  and stuff to all day. We're hanging out.
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  You put your arm around me. We hold hands and kiss, we
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  cuddle on the couch. And then at night, we have sex
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  and a man finds that very, very hard to deal with.
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  Because even high physical touch man will still want to have sex
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  at night, if he doesn't get non-sexual physical touch, he
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  still will, he would like all of the touch to but if not, then
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  sex at night is great too. But for a woman it frequently
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  does not go that way. Alright, well, hopefully you
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  found this interesting and do follow me on all social media
• 15:59
  and I'll talk to you soon.