Latest / The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten / Tell Your Wife Why Men Find Women Hot

Transcript

Tell Your Wife Why Men Find Women Hot · The Dr. Psych Mom Show with clinical psychologist Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten

• 0:05
  Hi everybody, and welcome to the doctor.
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  Psych mom show today, we are going to be talking about how to
• 0:11
  explain to your wife, why men find women hot, which may sound
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  like real stupid thing to say Until you realize that it's not
• 0:20
  later on hopefully before the end of the podcast.
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  Anyway, before we get into that, I want to encourage you to
• 0:29
  subscribe because every time I get a subscriber, an angel gets
• 0:32
  its wings and somebody else learned something else more
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  about. Your personal relationships,
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  particularly between men and women and also parenting and
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  also some psychology things in general.
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  And the most recent one that you are going well, the next one
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  that's going to happen is stop telling your wife to get a
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  hobby. This is some annoying shit that
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  a lot of men do and they're doing it with the best of
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  intentions and it doesn't go well.
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  And I explain to you why and then there's a million others
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  anyway. 5556 I don't know, something like that.
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  Others. So, okay, so then, let's go back
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  to the topic at hand. So women don't really understand
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  men men don't really understand women.
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  That is where I come in, and they do more if they've had
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  brothers or sisters, respectively, or whatever.
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  But you should just probably assume that your spouse,
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  especially if you met them earlier in your life and your
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  20s or something that they are just like, basically a martian
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  from outer space. That totally does not understand
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  your gender at all. And you would have to explain
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  the most basic things about sexuality or arousal or Because
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  if more people did this than sex therapist would be out of
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  business because that's basically what I do.
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  It's like the Reddit thing explain like I'm five.
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  Well, not in this case because five-year-old would not need to
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  understand about female, orgasms more, like, explain, like I'm 15
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  or something. If people were doing that, then
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  there would be a lot less need for sex therapist in general.
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  If these sorts of open communication, things could be,
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  you know, ubiquitous across. And chips, but they're not.
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  So why do women so frequently think that men just want to get
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  off because here, like think about you're going to have to
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  do, big empathy jump here. Women don't go around thinking
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  that they're hot, even hot women.
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  They don't really think about it.
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  They get dressed up in the morning for work or for whatever
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  we're for nothing. If they're working from home
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  they get dressed. They look in the mirror they
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  think? Okay that's me.
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  And then they go about their day.
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  And they do not think of themselves as some sort of
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  object of sexual desire, unless they are like, you know, in
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  their twenties, going out to a bar and they're trying to look
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  hot and whatever or they're in a new relationship where they're
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  always having sex but neither of these is going to be the
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  situation of your wife. So your wife is someone who does
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  not think of herself as particularly arousing she met on
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  a good day. Think she looks cute or even if
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  she gets dressed up, that she looks hot.
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  But on a day-to-day, she's standing in the kitchen.
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  She's doing some shit. She does.
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  Not think she's attractive at all.
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  She does not understand that you find her attractive and so
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  therefore, if you rub up against her and you want sex, she thinks
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  you're just a horndog, you would have sex with literally
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  anything, you know, any woman possibly some animals that
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  happened to be in the kitchen at that time and she has no idea
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  that you find her attractive at that moment, which is all the
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  ways. The reason that guys are
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  initiating sex that I see it is never, this isn't like a Are at
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  4:00 a.m. You know it isn't that like you
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  literally are just picking like the only woman that you see to
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  go home and get your rocks off with because you're like a frat
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  boy, that's not your life. Like with in monogamy.
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  I talk a lot about how women's libido drops in monogamy.
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  Yeah. Guess why?
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  Men get sick of the same woman too.
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  So you know what it? Like, overall they are libido.
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  Your libido is not where it used to be, no matter how much you
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  protest. Otherwise, it's not like when
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  you were A single guy of 25. So in if you want to initiate
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  sex it's usually because you found your wife to be attractive
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  in that moment in some way she smells good.
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  She looks good. She you know whatever she's not
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  letting you get close enough to have any other senses.
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  So she smells good or she looks good and and you want and you
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  then feel desire and you want to her and you feel that.
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  She's so appealing and beautiful or whatever that you Sex with
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  her. It's not usually just because
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  you're horny and she's the only game in town.
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  Now, if you are thinking, yes it is.
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  I don't even find her that attractive.
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  It really is because she's the only game in town.
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  Then this is not the podcast episode for you, and I refer you
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  back to the one of that guy who wrote in and said, I don't call
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  my wife beautiful, because she's too fat, and he didn't.
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  Yeah, you did right in and then I spoke so.
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  So I talked about how that's some fucked-up shit.
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  Shit. And if she cuz he said she was
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  still hot or sexy, but just not beautiful.
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  And I'm like, you can call her beautiful and you still think
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  she's hot and sexy and you love her.
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  Then you're just being it withholding asshole.
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  So you should go back and refer to that one.
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  And if you're like, well, I'm like that guy except I don't
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  find her hot or sexy or beautiful.
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  Then I asked you, why you trying to have sex with her?
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  Then why should anybody have sex with you, if you don't find them
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  attractive at all, then truly, she shouldn't have sex with you
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  because she's just don't feel like shit about herself after.
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  Words, because you're not going to be looking at her.
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  Like she's beautiful. You're not gonna be looking at
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  her like she's hot and you're really ought to be thinking
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  about whether you should even be together in this case that
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  you're so suffused with discuss that you can't find your wife
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  attractive anymore. This is a bad situation, but
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  thankfully, it is not the situation 99% of my listeners
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  who do find their wife attractive.
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  So, in this case, women don't understand two things.
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  They don't understand really? What men find attractive at all.
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  They're always wrong, you know, they're very frequently, they're
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  wrong. They think really weird shit.
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  So if you're a man, think how stupid this is, women think that
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  men care what they're wearing, they don't usually care.
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  What the woman is wearing. They think that the man only
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  likes blondes or like, some some specific thing.
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  Yeah, people have types. But guys, find women out of all
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  different types, they think that, I mean, I have a podcast
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  about it that they think that men only want, supermodels,
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  young skinny, girls with big boobs.
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  This is not accurate. Like, I don't have any super
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  models. My practice and yet I have all
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  these regular women that guys want to have sex with.
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  So this is women don't understand so you have to
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  explain it as a man and give them your particular preferences
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  and what you specifically like and women it's great to explain
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  that. I could she doesn't notice.
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  They don't understand what men like in general.
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  And then they may not really even understand what you like
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  because from woman's perspective, it's been a few
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  years since you've been together.
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  She no longer is Young. Maybe you used to like her
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  boobs. She doesn't think her boobs.
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  Are good anymore. Maybe used to like that.
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  She was think she's not there anymore.
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  Maybe you still like her hair and her hair.
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  Doesn't look the same anymore. So from her perspective, you
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  probably just want to get your rocks off, but that is
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  inaccurate for the large majority of men, they still find
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  their wife attractive and beyond that.
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  They even think other men would find their wife attractive.
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  So that is when it comes time for you to sweep in and actually
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  convince her that you find her attractive because if she thinks
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  that you're operating out of real genuine desire, Your and
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  that you in particular find her overwhelmingly attractive that
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  is going to be a turn on to her in many cases.
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  Especially when the marriage is pretty good.
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  We're not talking about situations with loads and loads
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  of bitterness and resentment, you're barely looking at each
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  other. We're talking about the average
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  woman in the average marriage, that's pretty good.
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  She would find it, exciting and flattering.
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  If the man told her everything that he thought was beautiful
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  about her and so you need to explain both what men do.
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  Find attractive about women. So, she doesn't think that
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  you're blowing smoke up her ass. And with, you uniquely fine
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  attractive about her. So what might this look like?
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  You might say, like, wow, you have really beautiful eyes.
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  That's something I've always gone for your explaining about
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  men. Men, like eyes, etc.
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  Etc. You're really beautiful eyes.
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  I love when you look at me because you had such beautiful,
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  big blue eyes or whatever the case may be your ass looks great
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  in those pants. That's something that I always,
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  you know, have been into, I guess some Can ask man.
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  That's what I like now. If you are in a relationship
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  where you cannot imagine saying something like this because
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  you're called out for being a horrible sexist or like an
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  animal, then you got bigger fish to fry.
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  So my podcasts are not always for men that are on the verge of
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  divorce. Some men are in pretty good
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  marriages and they just need to kind of up their game and
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  actually make their wife feel special and and you know, I say
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  this because sometimes people say to me, what is it even look.
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  Look like I'm in such a bad place in my marriage.
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  I don't even know what it would look like to be comfortable.
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  Talking about stuff like that with my wife and this is what it
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  would look like. There are plenty of men or all
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  across America right now, who can say stuff like, I'm an ass
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  man, and that's like, part of why I picked you in the woman,
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  Giggles. So that is like, normal.
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  That is like fine to do. Do you say that at her mother's
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  funeral? No.
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  Do you say it when she's trying to give birth?
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  No, but generally, yeah, you should be able to joke around
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  like that. On to say some stuff about sex
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  because you're married and you should be having sex.
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  So anyway, you can also explain other aspects of the male sexual
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  experience such as, you know, she'll say I gained 10 pounds, I
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  look disgusting. So you say, listen men don't
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  really care if you gain 10 pounds.
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  I certainly don't. I think you look hot anyway, but
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  the average man doesn't give a shit.
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  It's a woman gained 10 pounds. We talking 100 pounds?
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  Yeah, we care 10 pounds. I don't really even notice, you
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  know, and if you use Like if you use kind of the authority of
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  speaking for your gender, then it often is a lot more
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  interesting to women overall because then they're also
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  learning something that they know you're not.
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  They doubt you're going to lie about like what all men thing
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  although you could lie to preserve their feelings about
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  something in their appearance. So, you could say stuff, like,
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  let's say, you want your wife to wear low-cut shirt.
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  You could say, well, guys, don't really care.
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  If your boobs look the same as they used to most men, don't
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  they know the boobs aren't going to look the same as they used to
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  the woman breastfed like three kids.
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  But you know, guys like boobs. So I mean that's your it's a
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  winner for me. I'd you look beautiful and it
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  particularly and this also goes with the thing about type.
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  Let me just get this in. I talked about type and some
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  other episode, but if your wife does happen to be your type, I
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  think this was the episode on why men need to think their wife
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  is really hot for things to work.
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  If your wife is yours, Specific type mention that she should
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  know that. That should not be new Intel you
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  because that's like a reassurance thing for her is
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  that kind of no matter if she like puts on like a few pounds
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  or if she gets a little gray or whatever, she was still your
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  type and you still find her to be the Pinnacle of female
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  Beauty, her type of person. So it's like an insurance
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  policy. Like, it's like, it's like, if
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  you are, you know, a truck driver and your wife is like,
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  ever since I was little, No, I want to marry a truck driver
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  man. You're going to feel pretty good
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  you know like it's that's good because you're fitting right in
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  there and it's there's fewer truck drivers than there are of
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  every single occupation together.
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  So you know you're also have a lot more insurance that she's
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  going to only want you but the point is you should never miss
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  an opportunity to make your wife feel good about her appearance
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  or to tell her that generally she reflect objective standards
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  of beauty that at least some men who Like women like her would
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  really like, this is why you should also never miss an
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  opportunity to tell your wife if she gets checked out by another
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  man or honestly like, just just like look for it like don't just
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  wait because sometimes you're like your head is up your ass or
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  whatever and you're playing on your phone.
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  If you take your wife out on a date and she is wearing
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  something hot actively scan for whether another man looks at her
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  and if they do, then you got your in to see to say, oh wow,
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  that guy was really into And she will find it flattering because
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  everybody finds it flattering because you would find it
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  flattering to if she said oh that woman.
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  Just looked at you one time, my husband was on the street were
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  outside a concert and some woman was looking at him, and I was
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  further away for some reason, I forget.
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  And I like, took my phone like a lunatic and I took a picture of
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  her. And then I sent this woman was
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  looking at you, and you don't have to be crazy, though.
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  Like don't be like that, but you can certainly We mention it with
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  somebody is looking at your spouse because that is
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  flattering everybody finds out, flattering people who say they
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  don't find it flattering are lying.
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  So or they are very, very rare. So, what are the points?
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  The points here are this. Oh, and if you're a female
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  listening to this, which I have many females listening to this,
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  although, you know, I've noticed that since I the guys tell me to
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  learn so much from my podcast, I really feel like I could do
• 13:30
  better fluid by. Do you do it?
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  Like real instructional stuff for guy?
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  I don't like this most recent one and many of my other ones.
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  I feel like that is the best way to be loyal to women is by
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  explaining some of this shit to guys.
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  So you are not forgotten women, podcast listeners.
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  I am telling I'm helping you indirectly, but if you're a
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  woman listening to this and you're like, what about men?
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  Do men understand anything, they don't understand, should either
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  obviously, like, it's not like any genders smarter about the
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  other gender than the other gender.
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  So, yes, men don't. First and shit, either men,
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  think that women want a guy who's like 65 and the only thing
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  taller than him is his penis and he could last for 60 Minutes of
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  like Jackhammer fucking. I mean, they believe stuff does
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  like insane. So, if your husband starts to
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  say any ridiculous shit that you can pick up on means that he has
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  no idea what women actually think, then certainly explain to
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  him what women actually find attractive and specifically what
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  you find attractive and appealing about him.
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  Because this Like a lot of what I do in therapy.
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  Like guys will be like, oh, I would never be able to get a
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  woman because, you know, like I'm balding.
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  I'm like, well, shit like if you're balding, would you think
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  the bald guys don't get laid too?
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  Of course, they do. We're talking about like a
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  difference of 5 percent of like the women were going to get with
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  you. Especially the guys I see or in
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  their 40s, who's not balding, Honestly by that.
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  But yeah. So that's the PSA is if you're a
• 15:00
  woman listening then also try to fix the crazy shit that your
• 15:04
  husband mistakenly. The things that's making him and
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  secure just to you know be nice and everything.
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  Okay, great. So hopefully you got a lot out
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  of this and you subscribe and you understand the overall theme
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  is look for opportunities to make your spouse feel good about
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  themselves. And if they have any bizarre
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  cognitive distortions, which they all do every human, then
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  try to clear them up in a reassuring way that makes them
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  feel good about themselves and their attractiveness and your
• 15:32
  specific desired. Be with them versus the female
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  assumption that you would just fuck a hole in the wall.
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  That is inaccurate at would be very uncomfortable.
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  Instead you prefer them for X? Y&z reasons.
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  All right, great have a good day, everybody.