Latest / The Reformed Tired Girls Club Podcast / I Can't Go Out *cough cough* I'm Sad
Transcript
- Heather Copfer: Hello, you guys. Welcome back to another episode of the Reformed Tired Girls Club podcast. I am your host, Heather. And as always, if you like this episode, if you like this podcast, like it, love it, and want to like, subscribe, comment, leave me a review. Anything that you feel called to do that really helps me, helps the podcast, and I really, really, really do appreciate it. So today we're gonna talk about how depression, you know, it not only just affects you. But it it So today we're gonna be talking a little bit about depression. A little bit. ⁓ no, we're gonna be talking about depression and how your mental health and your depression starts bleeding into other areas of your life and it affects your work, it affects your social life, and that's a hard pill to swallow. It can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if if people aren't aware of your depression and you haven't really spoken openly to people about this. ⁓ and as always, I'm gonna be sharing ⁓ a little bit about my experience with my depression. I'm so so grateful and thankful and happy to say that I have not s ⁓ dealt with depression in years, but depression is something that I did deal with for a very long time. And at the end of the episode, I'll also get into how my depression went away and what I did and make it gone for good. ⁓ but yeah, really excited to talk about this because I have a story that I I it really impacted me and I I still think of to this day. But without further ado, let's talk about it, shall we? So depression is such it's such a I don't want to say it's a finicky thing, but it's it's a tricky thing, right? Because sometimes, depending who you are and your experience with it, it can be something that's very consistent or it can be something that's ⁓ really sporadic and there are different factors at play that influence ⁓ depression. And you know, for me What would be really annoying, if I'll say, is hanging out with friends and then all of a sudden you just get hit with it out of the blue. It it I I remember it like I'm fine one second and then next minute I'm like, ⁓ no. ⁓ no. And it's it it's it's really hard to explain because it it's like a complete 180. You're fine one minute and then the next minute you're like, I'm sad. I'm sad and and then you're like, okay, ⁓ let me ⁓ I need to go home. I I am not in the head space and I don't have the mental capacity to be hanging out with my friends anymore, to be going out right now. And so you know, it's like what do you do? You're like, ⁓ I have a headache, ⁓ I have a stomachache, ⁓ I I something like some kind of excuse to excuse yourself from the situation, right? Or it can be something like you are getting ready to go out with with friends or or friends are trying to make plans with you and you're just not in the mood. You're just not in the mood. You just want to crawl into bed with your ice cream and you want to turn on Netflix and you just want to zen out, numb out. ⁓ you know, my experience. Get all hyphy. And it can be really hard to explain to friends. And maybe you have a better way ⁓ and may and it can be really hard to explain to friends. ⁓ and you know, I'm thinking back in, you know, two thousand sixteen, two thousand seventeen, ⁓ that era, ⁓ where again we didn't really talk about our mental health and we didn't say like, ⁓ I'm depressed You know. ⁓ and so it's like what do you say to people when they're trying to make plans with you or you're planni you're like in the middle of a fun night out and you're it it can just hit you out of nowhere and it can be really hard to explain to people. And and it could be like that. Sometimes it just hits you out of nowhere, or it can be something that's just always, always humming in the background, if I will. I'm trying to think of like a good way to describe this. for me when I was younger it was more of that humming always in the background, but but when I moved out, it was more so of a sporadic experience. And I think that talks a lot to my home environments and the effect that that had on me. But so it did get better moving out, but it was still a thing. It was still a thing and it was a very powerful thing. And especially when it just hit me out of the blue and and I would just be stuck in a funk for for days. It's like a a a a mental health hangover, if you want to call it that. But yeah, it's it's it's so I don't think fascinating is the appropriate word. I ca I I struggle to even like find a word to describe it. But if you can relate and y you you have the experience of depression hitting you from out of the blue, let me know how you would describe that. Or if you're somebody who has had it humming in the background and kind of ha is like this cloud, like this eeure cloud that's always looming. ⁓ over over your head. Mm how would you describe that? How would you describe that? Let me know. sometimes it's hard for me to put to put words to my thoughts and and what I'm trying to describe here, but my point is it can be really hard to communicate this to your friends and to your loved ones and then you end up just making some kind of excuse for why you can't go out or Or why you wanna go home and just saying like, ⁓ you have a headache is such an easier, more acceptable ⁓ excuse than to say, ⁓ I just I just don't feel up for it. At least back in the day. I feel like I could say that now, ⁓ to friends and they would totally be fine with it. And and not coming from from a ⁓ I'm not up for it because I'm sad, or just now currently, if I were to say like, ⁓ I just I just wanna chill. I don't really wanna go out. 'cause honestly, I don't know how how I would feel to to say to friends still to this day, like, if I was still dealing with depression, if I were to say like, hey, I'm feeling kinda sad, I don't wanna go out, ⁓ that'd be very interesting for me to think about. And you know, my depression coupled with my narcolepsy sometimes was such a ⁓ a powerhouse because when I would get really, really sad and in a really sad funk, I would just sleep. I remember that so clearly. I I thought of it as like a superpower. I'm like, I am so sad, I'm just gonna sleep for a few hours and I'm just going to escape into my dreams into a different reality. I kid you not. I kid you not. I did that all the time. When I was just so sad, I was like, well, it's okay. I'm just gonna I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm gonna go to sleep because that's a quick escape. I'm gonna escape and to my dreams and take a nap. ⁓ and then I would be asleep for like three hours. So that's really, you know, interesting to think back on personally, and and honestly something I forgot that I did when I was, you know, thinking about ⁓ podcast episodes in this concept of like, ⁓ I can't go out, I'm sad. and I forgot that I did that. So it's it's really interesting to conjure up these these memories that I couldn't recall immediately. And so when I'm talking about, you know, your mental health and your depression leading into plans with friends and hanging out with friends, something else that It also bleeds into your work, right? I worked as a server for about eight years of my life. ⁓ well not I wasn't a server the full eight years, but I was in the restaurant ⁓ industry for eight years of my life. And I specifically r remember the the breakfast restaurant that I worked at. I remember when I would just I would wake up some days and it would I would just be like Aw man, I'm sad. I'm sad today, and no particular reason. And I would go to work, and on these days, it was really, really hard. I I was just hoping that no one would look at me too long, to be like, ⁓ what's wrong? Or to be like, hmm, you're different today. Mm-hmm, something's off. Because when I was in these moments of of my depression while I was serving, you know, not only are you conjuring up the energy to work as a server in a fast paced environment and you have to be, you know, that friendly face, like, hi, I can I get for you. But that's ⁓ it takes a lot of energy to do that. And And I remember having those days and I would just not be very talkative. I would usually have my ball cap on. But I will never forget I had a table and it was towards the end of my shift. And I I, you know, was just going through the motions. And I think it was this woman and it was her two kids. And she I was getting her. a to go cup for her coffee. I was actually was filling her a fresh cup of coffee in a to go cup for her 'cause it was that ⁓ there her and her two kids were done with their their meals and ⁓ they were really young kids so she got her hands full and I I brought her her to her to go coffee and she she stops and she looks at me and she asks, Can I pray for you? And it it took me really off guard because I don't ⁓ it wasn't common for me to have people notice when I was in a funk. And I had, you know, I I've I've had many days where I was serving and I was in one of my funk and no one has ever called attention to it. And I I really appreciated her too also asking me. If she could pray for me, because growing up I also had religion really shoved down my throat, and I have no shade against religion just in my life and in my personal experience. I have a little bit of an an interesting relationship with religion because it was just forced upon me so heavily. And I'm not religious now, or was I at the the moment when this woman asked me if she could pray for me. But the fact that she asked and not just said like I'm going to pray for you, I I really noticed details in the little things. And that was a little thing that I really, really, really appreciated. And I really was like, yes. Absolutely. And it I started, I started crying to this woman. And I felt so embarrassed. But she was so sweet. And she left me a really, really nice tip. And I kept that receipt and I still have it to this day. I I'm I'm I like to keep things. ⁓ I have boxes and memorabilia from different points in my life. And ⁓ when something means a lot to me, if I have a little keepsake from that experience, I I I keep it. ⁓ and I kept her receipt with her tip and then she wrote on the receipt. Thank you for your joy. Which was also something that really struck a chord with me because if you've listened to episode one, you know that my middle name is Joy, and I had a really interesting relationship and towards my middle name. I don't know if that's the correct phrasing, if that's even right phrasing. ⁓ I d I I didn't always love my middle name. Joy because I didn't always think it was me and applied to me, and I just never felt I just I didn't always feel like I was a joyful person because of my my my struggles with my health and my depression and all the adversity I have faced in my life. So when she wrote thank you for your joy on this receipt, even though I was in one of my funks, I guess I was doing something right. And it was it was I will never forget that. As long as I live. And something else about that that really was just so huge for me is just being seen. You know, if you're somebody who has depression, has has dealt with depression, you know how lonely it is. And you know how you feel invisible and how you feel worthless. Maybe you feel different things, but that's how I've felt with my depression. And for someone to see me like that meant everything to me. I'm like I'm not invisible like ⁓ they're it It like, ⁓ I'm not invisible. People care. People are paying attention. Because when you feel so sad, you just want someone to see you. And you want, you know, comfort and you want joy and you want safety. ⁓ and to be seen in those moments. It was it was such a minor interaction with this woman, but I just felt so many things and and I remember these details so clearly, obviously, and it's been a really long time since this moment. And yeah, like I said, I'll just I'll just never forget it. And and I really too want to just point out that random acts of kindness really go a long way and you never, you never know how you are impacting somebody. You don't. Just by doing something small, whether it's You know, asking someone if you can pray for them and just leaving them a nice tip, whether it's paying for the person behind you's food or or someone who's behind you in at the in the the drive-thru, holding a door for somebody, telling someone you love their outfit or their shoes or their hair, just it costs you basically nothing, but you never know how that's gonna impact somebody. Like I'm sure that woman had no idea how much that was going to mean to me. And here I am, like ten years later, around there roughly. And it's something that still means so much to me and something I remember so vividly. Mm-hmm. And you know, truthfully, there were so many things that helped with my depression ⁓ in the short term and that kept it at bay sometimes. And I think it's really important to talk about here because and this is no no shade ever. I'm never coming from a place of judgment. If you, if antidepressants are something that's gonna help you, absolutely freaking go for it. What's best for you, yes, yes. I never went on antidepressants, but I noticed when I was constantly moving my body, not only did it help my narcolepsy, but it helped me feel better. Because exercise is such an antidepressant. Depressant. Exercise is such an antidepressant, you guys. It doesn't have to be anything drastic. Jogging, walking, body weights. strength training. I had written in one of my diaries recapping on on one on a year and I was like wow I wasn't sad a lot this year and I think it's because I was working out a lot and you know when when you're also are feeling sad and depressed you don't really want to be around people because you just kind of want to wallow in your sadness. And it's really interesting because community really is the antidote as well, I think. And and being around loved ones and community in the right setting, I think is also very, very helpful in boosting your mood and helping with your depression. And ⁓ a huge thing, and this is where I wanna talk about what made my depression and these sporadic depressive episodes go away completely is changing my diet. I kid you not, you guys. I I when I moved to New York, I still have had spurts of these episodes here and there, right? Nothing as crazy as the years prior, but But I I started working with a hormone health coach because at the time I was trying to get off birth control without any side effects because birth control and trying to get off birth control hit me with a bunch, a bunch of side effects, right? ⁓ but with through working with this ⁓ hormone health coach, she also helps me work on ⁓ diet and I learned ⁓ how to fuel my body properly and how to eat whole foods. and to to supplement with really basic supplements. And I it was such an eye opener of like, wow, I really don't eat very well. Or I thought I was eating good, but I really wasn't. And you know, just being aware of additives and food and reading the ingredient labels and all that. So it was three months of working with this health coach and really just, you know, changing my diet, among other things, but you know, nutrition and diet was a main component of this program. But I kid you not, you guys, once I completely changed my diet to whole foods, organic when possible, and and learning to make meals at home, complete meals, you know, with your complex carbs and your high quality protein and your healthy fats, my depression went away forever. And I have never had a random spurt of depression again. I've never had it come back in any capacity. And it it blew my mind. It blew my mind. Food really truly is medicine. And if you haven't addressed that part and you just go straight to antidepressants, again, no shade, no shade. I'm just, I want to to put it out there that also maybe. It's worth your wild to start working on your nutrition, to start moving your body, to get sunshine, consistent sunshine. Because whoever went out into the sunshine and came back and was like, I feel more sad. I don't think anybody's ever said that. Tell me if you have. Tell me if I'm wrong. I'm open to constructive criticism. But yeah, just wanna wanna end cap this episode with with just honing in on that point. Food is medicine. Move your body. Sit in some sunshine. Because those fundamental, foundational things do so much for your mental health, for your mood. More than you think. More than you think. And and it changed my life. And again, I am so so grateful to be. At a place in my life where depression is a thing of my past. It's not something that ever comes within my vicinity, thankfully, but I very much know what it is like to deal with years upon years of depression. And if you are someone who's still dealing with depression, I see you and my heart goes out to you, and you're strong, and there is a way out of it. If you don't believe there is, take my story as as your proof. But thank y'all for tuning in to another episode of the Reformed Tired Girls Club podcast, and I will see you next week.