Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Breaking the Silence on Abuse, Healing, Boundaries & Self-Worth with Tiffiny Newton

Transcript

Breaking the Silence on Abuse, Healing, Boundaries & Self-Worth with Tiffiny Newton · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  Realizing and especially coming out of that, what time do you
• 0:05
  want to wake up in the morning? What do you want to do with your
• 0:08
  morning routine? Do you want to snuggle with your
• 0:10
  dogs? Do you want to wake up when the
• 0:12
  sun rises? Do you want to get up at 5:00 AM
• 0:15
  and go to the gym? Like what do you want?
• 0:18
  Like those tiny decisions make all the difference in the world.
• 0:23
  And that's how you get your confidence back by promising
• 0:27
  yourself, I'm going to do XY or ZAB or C.
• 0:32
  And you do them one step at a time.
• 0:34
  When you accomplish one, you've just built a later brick for
• 0:37
  your pathway. You do the next one, you've laid
• 0:40
  the next brick on the pathway. Just do one at a time.
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  It's it's overwhelming if you look at the whole pathway, but
• 0:47
  actually a brick. You're you're laying your found
• 0:49
  out, your foundation of healing by doing those little things,
• 0:53
  building your own expectation of yourself.
• 0:57
  Yeah, because you can't expect great things from yourself.
• 1:00
  You're built in the eyes of God. Yeah.
• 1:02
  Right, so he is not going to make something not worthwhile.
• 1:08
  So realize that as a foundation is how you should think of
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  yourself. I'm Melissa Crook, I'm your
• 1:15
  host. I'm so glad to be with Here to
• 1:17
  you today on the Field podcast. I have a new friend here with me
• 1:21
  today. Her name is Tiffany Newton and
• 1:23
  we met via our good friends at Podmatch.
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  And Tiffany is another win, one of those courageous women that I
• 1:31
  get a chance to meet and to talk to who takes their story.
• 1:36
  And with all of the nuances in hard things and layers of of all
• 1:43
  that makes up a life, the shame, the embarrassment, the sadness,
• 1:47
  the joy, the victory, the hope and puts that into play to help
• 1:53
  other women so that they know they're not alone.
• 1:56
  So that they know that there's resources and people out there
• 1:59
  that understand their experiences.
• 2:01
  So those feelings of isolation and silence don't feel like
• 2:05
  something they have to live in anymore.
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  They know there's they can see a path out.
• 2:10
  They can see a way forward. And that's what Tiffany Newton's
• 2:14
  story is going to bring us today.
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  We're going to go through the talking points.
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  We're going to talk about all that she has to offer you.
• 2:21
  But we're going to start with how she describes herself.
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  And that is a woman who's determined to help other women.
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  Women see the best in themselves and break their silence, and
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  that then leads them to a a path.
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  Boy, I'm having a hard time speaking today.
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  Today is one of those days. Listener, stay with me.
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  I'm going to get to Tiffany. You're going to get to listen to
• 2:46
  her. All right.
• 2:47
  A path to breaking the cycles of abuse in toxic relationships
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  that they might be stuck in. But it starts with knowing it's
• 2:57
  safe and there's people waiting there to help you, to listen to
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  you and break that silence. Tiffany Newton, welcome to the
• 3:04
  Field podcast. Thank you, I'm so happy to be
• 3:07
  here finally. I know, I know, we've been
• 3:10
  trying to do this for a while. I have the good fortune.
• 3:13
  Much thanks to many of my friends at Podmatch for being
• 3:17
  scheduled out quite a ways ahead, which I love.
• 3:20
  It's a great problem to have. It means there's that many
• 3:22
  voices, more voices I can bring to you.
• 3:25
  And also sometimes we have to wait a while to get together.
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  So I am more than happy to finally have this time with you.
• 3:32
  I want to start with your journey in self-care and knowing
• 3:38
  you were worthy of caring for. And I think this has a lot to do
• 3:43
  with the breaking the silence piece.
• 3:45
  Talk to me about your journey with that.
• 3:48
  I think in order to talk about the journey of the healing side
• 3:52
  is to understand and be able to name what broke me, right?
• 3:58
  A lot of times you end up, especially in any type of
• 4:02
  domestic violence situation, you don't know and cannot label what
• 4:08
  you're going through. You don't think it's abuse
• 4:12
  because maybe you were taught that abuse is bruises, blood and
• 4:16
  broken bones, right? The three Well, that's not the
• 4:21
  case because there is death by 1000 cuts, right?
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  Your internal worth gets chopped down into a million little
• 4:30
  pieces and all of a sudden it's dust before you realize what's
• 4:34
  happening, right? So most women understand fear.
• 4:39
  I'm afraid of what he'll say or what he'll do if I say
• 4:41
  something, right? Isolation.
• 4:45
  He gets mad when I go spend time with my friends or I go to get a
• 4:49
  hair appointment or a nail appointment.
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  He controls what I wear, controls who I see, controls my
• 4:58
  social media, controls this. They understand those words no
• 5:02
  are abuse, right? So knowing that and naming that,
• 5:08
  that's the first step of healing, right?
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  You're not crazy. You're not alone.
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  And you need to speak out because more people that speak
• 5:18
  out about those things being abuse, Yeah.
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  The more people can address it, the more women can come together
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  and say, you know what? That's not OK.
• 5:29
  Yeah. And when we get on platforms
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  like this and on on social media, on Facebook, Instagram,
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  Tiktok, whatever the case, what happens when the abusers start
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  looking back at your videos? Guess what comes up next to your
• 5:44
  name? Domestic violence survivor,
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  abuse survivor pull. And then they hear their stories
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  and they know that they dated you.
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  And guess what? You're not telling the story of
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  your relationship with them, whether you name them or not.
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  Yeah. Bringing it out of the silence.
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  And you know how empowering that is.
• 6:04
  Yeah. It's scary, but empowering.
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  You're taking your power back every time you speak up about
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  it. So that's I think is probably
• 6:12
  the biggest part of the healing journey, realizing what you went
• 6:16
  through, naming it and speaking about it.
• 6:20
  Yeah, so important. So was there a particular moment
• 6:24
  in time or a person? Because you and I talked about
• 6:27
  this. Sometimes people need to hear
• 6:29
  this message many times over. I spoke with a person yesterday
• 6:35
  who was a guest here who heard the stat that it takes 7 times
• 6:40
  before a person person will leave their abuser for good.
• 6:45
  So there's who was that voice for you?
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  What was that situation for you that that helped you know it was
• 6:53
  time to break the silence? Well, I know the first time that
• 6:58
  well, he threw me out the first time, right?
• 7:01
  In that instance, it's it's a fight.
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  It's not. You don't see it.
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  You're like you're trying to justify it to yourself.
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  Yeah. You don't know, Like they're
• 7:13
  just like, it's so cloudy because they've used like those
• 7:16
  narcissistic games to, like, cloud your mind.
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  So you think you're overreacting.
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  You think, oh, well, maybe it is my fault.
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  Like your your brain is not in the healthy place where it
• 7:30
  should be, where logic enters, right?
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  Like, you're not thinking in that way.
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  So the first couple times you leave, you're like, well, man, I
• 7:39
  totally overreacted. And then they're telling you you
• 7:41
  were involved, so all you have to do is change your behavior
• 7:45
  and they'll act better. Right.
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  So you're in this, like, urban flow.
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  But your normal self prior to that relationship would have
• 7:52
  never dealt with that. But they tied you down so much
• 7:55
  that you do deal with it. Yeah.
• 7:57
  Well, in my instance, it was probably the fourth time that I
• 8:03
  left that I was like, I need to see a therapist.
• 8:07
  I think I'm going crazy. Do I need to I and I never
• 8:12
  thought suicide but I thought self harm like hurting myself in
• 8:17
  such a way to see what was real. Wow.
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  Right. Like do I cut myself to see if
• 8:24
  I'm bleeding? Like I needed to like get my
• 8:27
  bearings right. Where is my due North because I
• 8:31
  was so like messed up. All he said to me was you don't
• 8:37
  need to see a therapist. They're just going to tell you
• 8:38
  to make me happy and you'll be fine, right?
• 8:43
  But when I left at the on that fourth time, I contacted a
• 8:47
  website itsamazingbetterhelp.com.
• 8:53
  If you need help with finances, Google betterhelp.com financial
• 8:57
  help. There are different programs
• 8:59
  that you can qualify to get, you know assistance with that as
• 9:02
  well. But I got in there and I was
• 9:07
  able to live like chat with someone.
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  Now it's a therapist that's kind of seeing you online in between
• 9:14
  their other clients. Sure you're not waiting two
• 9:17
  weeks to talk to somebody? You're not waiting on to talk to
• 9:20
  someone. If I have a message today, I'm
• 9:23
  probably getting a message back by tomorrow.
• 9:25
  OK, so it's very real. Time which I need it because I
• 9:29
  use a mental space of am I going crazy crazy?
• 9:35
  So as copy and paste it into this chat, she's like you are in
• 9:40
  a very dangerous situation to get out.
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  You need to figure out what your last draw is and figure that out
• 9:52
  if you're not ready to leave yet it it will be shortly right.
• 9:56
  So I have to come up and this is one of the biggest things when I
• 10:00
  talk to people about safety planning.
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  What is that line in the sand for you?
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  Is it threatening animal? Is it threatening your child?
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  Is it a knife to your throat? Is it a gun to your back?
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  What is that? What?
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  What it's what's your aha moment that you know, that you're
• 10:19
  telling your body, your subconscious that no matter
• 10:23
  what's happening around you, if that happens, you're done,
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  you're out. Yeah, right.
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  You have to tell your subconsciousness so it listen so
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  your whole body. Sure.
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  So mine was the threat of anything after that, right.
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  I had to like train tell myself this is what if if he threatens
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  me in any way. Yeah.
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  So when I left him for the fifth time in the final time, I was
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  working on a Saturday and I'll get somewhat graphic, but I'll,
• 10:53
  you know, for the audience. But the I was working, I had an
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  hour left. I was on the phone.
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  I was working for a medical facility.
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  So HIPAA compliance, right? I had medical compliance.
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  So I had to close my computer. He walked in, dropped his
• 11:08
  drawers, stuck his in my face and demanded a blowjob.
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  Jeez. Louise.
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  In the middle of me working on the phone with a client.
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  Wow. When I said no, I'm on the phone
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  with a client so his response immediately was if you don't do
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  it, I'm going to find someone who will because I deserve this.
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  Oh my gosh. Wow.
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  It's like, go right ahead, be on your way.
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  Well, the the very first time I left him, when he kicked me out,
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  I found out that he brought someone over to the condo.
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  So when I found out, I mean, there's a whole story there.
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  Yeah. I mean, I found out all the
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  stuff, but he convinced me that we weren't broken up during that
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  time, you know? Oh yeah.
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  To deal with. Yeah.
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  And so I said yeah, go ahead and call Luz That's fine She can put
• 11:59
  up with you. I'm done But between time 4 and
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  time 5, I had already started my safety planning.
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  I was ordering necessities from Amazon and rather than shipping
• 12:14
  them to the house and figuring out what to do or packing a go
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  bag, I was shipping them for Amazon locker nearby, punching
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  the code and dropping that box. I wasn't unpacking it dropping
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  that box at my storage unit. Wow.
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  He also had the keys to the storage unit, but he never went
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  there. It was on the way to work for
• 12:36
  me, so I didn't take any time off because he timed me to and
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  from work. But I would drop it off there,
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  right. So I had all my necessities.
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  I had my dog, food for my dog. I had medications.
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  I had my shampoo, conditioner. Nothing was missing from the
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  condo. Yeah, that's the important
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  thing. If they feel that something is
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  shifting, danger increases. OK.
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  Right. Your confidence changes, you
• 13:04
  know, you're getting out to confidence changes.
• 13:06
  Your energy shifts, right? And they sense something's
• 13:09
  coming. They do, absolutely.
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  It's like a sick, they turn feral, right?
• 13:14
  They turn into a feral. And then what I started doing
• 13:19
  with my clothes is I started packing it into like an old
• 13:23
  suitcase and I was like, I'm getting rid of this stuff.
• 13:25
  I'm taking it to Goodwill. And I just packed up a bag and I
• 13:28
  dropped storage unit. So I took all the things that I
• 13:32
  loved, packed it in there. So I only had a couple things to
• 13:36
  grab for work if needed. And then the rest of the clothes
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  I didn't care. And then when I finally left, I
• 13:45
  had less to take. With me.
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  Wow. I didn't have to take any
• 13:48
  bathroom stuff because I already had it all.
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  Yeah. I had very little clothes to
• 13:52
  take. I had my dog.
• 13:53
  I didn't have to grab dog food, so I had minimal things that I
• 13:57
  had to get up and go. Wow.
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  As I walked out the door he threatened.
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  He was like, you should be down on your knees begging me to take
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  you back. Like blocking me, hovering over
• 14:09
  me to the point he punched me in my chest and spit on me and
• 14:12
  grabbed my dog. Wow.
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  Wow. Yeah, wow.
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  But that there was a line in the sand, right?
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  That was the deciding factor, he threatened.
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  If you don't do this, I'll find someone who will.
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  And I was done. Yeah, that was a line.
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  Your subconscious, everything kicked in and all the
• 14:33
  preparedness and and you said something, we're going to come
• 14:36
  back to you later in the conversation of this idea that
• 14:40
  other people's happiness is, is our responsibility.
• 14:43
  No, you're responsible for you and your happiness.
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  Your partner or the other people relationships in your life are
• 14:51
  responsible for their own happiness.
• 14:54
  Don't ever let them convince you or yourself otherwise.
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  Don't abandoned yourself in the process of doing that.
• 15:01
  We're going to revisit that later, but I wanted to point
• 15:04
  that out. Such an important thing to take
• 15:06
  into consideration here. And I think because for so many
• 15:10
  generations, physical abuse and sexual abuse has been defined,
• 15:14
  but mental and emotional abuse has kind of been scooted along.
• 15:17
  And I know generations of women, I've seen them in my own family
• 15:21
  who have been mentally and emotionally battered but
• 15:24
  believed they weren't being abused because they weren't
• 15:27
  getting physically beaten or assaulted.
• 15:31
  And it's just that death by 1000 cuts our nervous system doesn't
• 15:35
  know the difference between whether we're being physically
• 15:37
  battered or emotionally, mentally battered.
• 15:39
  It channels it all as being. Abused.
• 15:43
  Yeah. And that that trauma of physical
• 15:47
  and emotional or coercive control, which is kind of like
• 15:50
  the umbrella of all of it. Yeah, it lives in the same part
• 15:54
  of the brain. So whether you're physically or
• 15:59
  non physical, right, it doesn't matter.
• 16:02
  You still live that trauma. And if it's over and over and
• 16:05
  over, here comes CPTSD becomes your very best friend, right?
• 16:10
  It's not a one time event. It's multiple instances,
• 16:13
  sometimes daily, sometimes weekly, depending on how often
• 16:17
  that abuser is deciding to, like, tear you down.
• 16:21
  Yeah, absolutely. You set this up, and this goes
• 16:25
  really nicely into confidently setting boundaries.
• 16:27
  You set a line in the sand, you set some boundaries, You started
• 16:31
  preparing, You were sending things to the storage unit.
• 16:34
  You had a plan. Talk to me about how you've
• 16:37
  taken what you've learned from that today in your life and what
• 16:42
  healthy boundaries look like for you now.
• 16:44
  But that was a huge first step for you in that area.
• 16:47
  It was a huge first step and you know, IA long time ago I read a
• 16:52
  book called boundaries. It's very popular and it wasn't
• 16:57
  until I was at a book fair with my book that elite said blah,
• 17:03
  blah, blah, boundaries. And I'm like, I forgot about
• 17:05
  that book. I had got rid of it so long ago,
• 17:09
  like because I'm moving so many places that I purchased it
• 17:12
  again. I was like, oh, I need to
• 17:15
  revisit this because setting boundaries, if you don't set
• 17:20
  boundaries, you will allow toxic, abusive.
• 17:25
  I'm not going to. I'll stay away from the word
• 17:27
  toxic because it is abusive behavior, right?
• 17:31
  Yeah. You'll allow or won't be able to
• 17:36
  pinpoint who the abusive behaviors are coming from if you
• 17:41
  don't have boundaries, as if you go with the flow and you're
• 17:45
  like, Oh yeah, hang out with everybody.
• 17:48
  But then that one person starts to toe the line a little too
• 17:52
  close. If you still let them in,
• 17:55
  they're going to push further. But if you sit like that and
• 18:01
  they push more, you already know who that person is.
• 18:05
  Healthy person is not going to push your boundary.
• 18:09
  An unhealthy person is absolutely going to push and
• 18:12
  push and push and test and push and test and push, Yeah.
• 18:15
  Over and over, yeah. And that's an indicator.
• 18:19
  Nope, not in my space yet. You don't get to have take my
• 18:23
  time or space or infringe on that.
• 18:25
  There's no respect there. There's no honoring there.
• 18:28
  Yeah, Thank you for that. That was so good.
• 18:30
  And that's like the most basic boundary, right?
• 18:33
  Yeah, with that, you're not hurting anybody's feelings.
• 18:38
  I spoke at a Great American teaching yesterday for three
• 18:40
  different classes, two 7th grade classes and an eighth grade
• 18:43
  class, and one of the red flag, green flag things was setting
• 18:46
  boundaries. Well, I don't want to hurt
• 18:49
  anyone's feelings. And I'm like, no, when you don't
• 18:53
  set a boundary, all you're hurting is yourself.
• 18:56
  Yeah. Yeah, well, I don't have any
• 18:58
  boundaries. Well, are you comfortable with
• 19:00
  this? No, that you have a boundary for
• 19:02
  that. Right.
• 19:03
  Like they don't even understand that concept.
• 19:06
  Yeah. So giving them the language to
• 19:08
  understand and then that is empowering when you know what
• 19:11
  you can do, the choices you can make for yourself.
• 19:14
  Exactly. And I.
• 19:15
  Like I said. Clear is kind.
• 19:17
  Clear is kind because we teach people how they can treat us by
• 19:22
  how we're willing to either not abandoned ourselves or we do
• 19:26
  abandoned ourselves and that can set us up for in to a very
• 19:31
  vulnerable space. So it's I'm so it's so important
• 19:34
  that you're doing that work and talking to kids that young so
• 19:37
  they can get a grasp on that and and protect themselves and
• 19:41
  making sure they're surrounding themselves and empowering
• 19:43
  themselves with with healthy people and relationships.
• 19:47
  I was so good. Emotional, mental, physical,
• 19:50
  spiritual health. This is all impacted.
• 19:52
  You talked about earlier about that PTSD piece and the impact
• 19:56
  that this has on your health being in these situations across
• 20:01
  the board. Talk to me about your journey
• 20:03
  with that and the difference you noticed when you are no longer
• 20:07
  in that situation. Well, I still deal with night
• 20:12
  terrors. I woken up feeling that he's
• 20:15
  sitting on my chest. I still see his black eyes when
• 20:20
  he turns straight up evil. Like there's a definitive change
• 20:24
  in their face. When you know something is
• 20:28
  getting ready to happen. Like you feel it and then you
• 20:30
  see it. But I will say grounding
• 20:36
  yourself put, you know, depending on where you live in
• 20:39
  the country, some places got snow this past week.
• 20:42
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:44
  You know, I'm here in Florida. I can still go stick my feet in
• 20:47
  the grass. So I'll either go stick my feet
• 20:49
  in the grass or I'll lay down in the grass.
• 20:52
  And I'll have my dogs. If I lay down in the grass, they
• 20:55
  jump all over me. But realizing you're one with
• 20:59
  the earth, right? Feel the vibration of the earth,
• 21:04
  listen to the birds, watch the butterflies touch the grass,
• 21:08
  like all of this sensory things ground yourself and it brings
• 21:14
  your body back to calm, right? I think that's so important
• 21:18
  because no matter what chaos, you can take yourself on a 5
• 21:23
  minute walk or sit for 5 minutes out in nature, again, depending
• 21:28
  on where you are and how cold it is outside.
• 21:32
  But touching leaves, smelling flowers, listening to the birds,
• 21:39
  seeing all the different things moving around, right?
• 21:42
  So all the sights and sounds and smells, take that in and sit in
• 21:46
  it for 5 minutes and it really does calm your body down.
• 21:50
  And that for me, realizing that from chaos to calm can happen in
• 21:56
  a matter of minutes. You just have to train your body
• 21:58
  to do that. So whether you're having a panic
• 22:01
  attack, a triggered moment, because a lot of, I mean, there
• 22:06
  are different shows that are on right now on Netflix and Amazon
• 22:09
  Prime that will flat out trigger anybody that has gone through
• 22:15
  something. Yeah, I just watched one
• 22:19
  yesterday because someone on stinking social media was like,
• 22:22
  you have to watch this. So I watched it and it, of
• 22:25
  course, triggering. It's called Don't Date Brandon.
• 22:30
  It's on Amazon and that is wild in and of itself.
• 22:35
  One with what's Justin Baldoni and what's her face that got
• 22:42
  into the big media frenzy fight. Yes, it ends with us.
• 22:47
  The media ends with us. Yes.
• 22:49
  I didn't realize cause a friend said, oh, I watched this, her
• 22:53
  recent movie. Well, I looked up recent movie
• 22:56
  and it was it ends with us. So I watched it, not realizing
• 23:00
  what was happening until the end, and I just cried.
• 23:03
  I sat there and cried because that was me, right?
• 23:07
  I wanted to believe the best. But then you see it through the
• 23:09
  lens of what actually happened and you, it just takes you to a
• 23:15
  different place. But she was talking about a
• 23:17
  different movie. I wish she had clarified that
• 23:19
  because it wasn't ready for that at that time.
• 23:21
  But things will still trigger you.
• 23:24
  But the distance from trigger to calm, you can train your body to
• 23:29
  shorten that and you can train your body to do that.
• 23:33
  Through. Practice so grounding yourself.
• 23:37
  I talked to someone and she said her calm places at the beach.
• 23:41
  I'm like go to the beach, get one of those flat planters like
• 23:46
  the flat ones. Fill in the sand, bring it to
• 23:49
  your house. When you get triggered, stick
• 23:51
  your feet in it and turn on the water and close your eyes.
• 23:54
  Oh, that's a great idea. Anything that is your calm
• 23:58
  place, make sure it's tactile, that you have it right and she's
• 24:02
  close enough to the beach where she could do that.
• 24:04
  Some people. Are.
• 24:06
  But order sand. Playground sand.
• 24:09
  Oh yeah, yeah, you get a 50 LB bag of playground sand for like
• 24:13
  7 dollars. Yeah, right.
• 24:16
  And put it in a bucket. Make sure your feet can fit in
• 24:18
  it flat like you would at the beach.
• 24:20
  And turn on running water and light a candle and close your
• 24:24
  eyes. Yeah, that's such a.
• 24:28
  Smart thing, creating that space right where you are, Yeah.
• 24:32
  I mean, you have to train your body to go back to.
• 24:34
  Calm, yeah. And let it know it's safe.
• 24:37
  Like this is a trigger, like Lively is a actress's name.
• 24:43
  But yeah, I think that's, I think you mentioned something so
• 24:46
  important too, of being mindful of the media you take in, the
• 24:51
  people that you follow, knowing that these, when you go through
• 24:55
  these experiences, you think you carry them in your body and your
• 24:59
  nervous system. And as much as you heal, there
• 25:02
  are layers to it and there are different things that might
• 25:05
  trigger it, sometimes expectedly, sometimes
• 25:07
  unexpectedly. So having those plans in place,
• 25:10
  like you've just mentioned, those resources you can turn to,
• 25:13
  to, to help yourself, that toolbox to, to, to know that you
• 25:19
  have all of that within you, you've got the resources, and
• 25:22
  that you can return yourself to safety.
• 25:25
  I think that's such a powerful thing to have.
• 25:27
  Thank you so much for sharing that.
• 25:28
  Such good tips there. I did a somatic, One of the
• 25:32
  girls who I trained jiu Jitsu with is a somatic teacher.
• 25:36
  She does like trauma, trauma informed yoga and somatic yoga.
• 25:40
  And one of the things that she does is dancing, right?
• 25:44
  Crazy dancing. And then you bring it back to
• 25:47
  calm and like sit there for a minute and then do it again.
• 25:50
  So again, you're, you're training your body from chaos,
• 25:54
  right? And like, you bring it back down
• 25:57
  and like sit there for a minute. There's all kinds of cool ways
• 26:01
  that you can do that. But to train your body, if
• 26:04
  you've gone through something traumatic, figure out how to
• 26:07
  elevate your heart and, and, and mirror that feeling and then
• 26:13
  bring it back to calm and just train your body.
• 26:15
  And it does. It makes such a huge difference
• 26:19
  because whatever we hold in, and This is why speaking out is so
• 26:23
  important, whatever we hold in actually will.
• 26:26
  If we don't speak it, it's going to manifest itself in health
• 26:30
  conditions. Absolutely, 100%.
• 26:32
  I've talked about that in my own experience, my own experience
• 26:35
  with that very thing. I had elevated blood pressure,
• 26:38
  racing heartbeat, acid reflux, tight chest.
• 26:43
  I had all these things going on physically that I kept people
• 26:47
  doctors kept telling me were other things until I made the
• 26:50
  connection to this is stuffed unprocessed trauma and emotions
• 26:55
  that have been stuffed with, you know, so many different
• 26:59
  narratives surrounding why I couldn't talk about it until I
• 27:01
  finally was like, no, it is time.
• 27:04
  You will carry it in your body until you give it a safe Ave. to
• 27:08
  be released. Yeah, so you.
• 27:10
  You can go even further. I met a girl who went blind
• 27:13
  because of the the trauma, and she was abused since she was
• 27:18
  like, 3 years old. And like, she thought it was
• 27:20
  normal. So it continued, continued into
• 27:22
  relationships and on into her 20s.
• 27:25
  But it was into blindness. She was paralyzed.
• 27:29
  Like, all of these things, like, your body will shut down
• 27:33
  completely. Yeah.
• 27:35
  Our body is very magical. Yes, that is why like the self
• 27:40
  talk and like teaching ourselves how to speak up and and and
• 27:46
  speak what we need and what we want in the especially the line
• 27:50
  in the sand. If you're in a situation.
• 27:52
  Yeah, that's why it's so important.
• 27:54
  Yeah, 100%. Thank you so much for all of
• 27:57
  that showing up for ourselves and other women
• 28:00
  unapologetically. This is absolutely how you show
• 28:03
  up in the world. Now.
• 28:04
  You've learned. You are learning because it's a
• 28:06
  process like learn to and you continue to learn to show up and
• 28:11
  apologetically for yourself. You're now empowering other
• 28:14
  women. You made a decision to write a
• 28:17
  book and the books title and the books cover page are so telling.
• 28:23
  So talk to me about that decision because I think this
• 28:26
  was really your first step. You've sent you founded Ignite
• 28:29
  Her and there's many things you're doing now to show up in
• 28:32
  the world. But this book I feel like was
• 28:34
  kind of a moment for you. Talk to me about that decision
• 28:38
  that it was time to do that. So it I had been wanting to do
• 28:43
  something, put something out there in the world.
• 28:47
  It started off as I might I may publish the the list of 41 rules
• 28:54
  that he had for me. Wow.
• 28:56
  And that that alone. I don't I although it is crazy,
• 29:01
  right? I don't think that that alone
• 29:07
  carries enough to help other people.
• 29:09
  It's just an example of what I dealt with.
• 29:13
  Sure, right. So in discussions with some
• 29:17
  friends and I actually had a client, she was like, my
• 29:20
  daughter is in this. She ended up in the hospital.
• 29:22
  She's in a domestic violence situation.
• 29:25
  He's controlling who sees the the grandbabies, like all of
• 29:28
  this stuff. She's like, I don't know what to
• 29:30
  do. And that's where I just decided
• 29:36
  on the direction of what the book was going to be.
• 29:39
  It wasn't necessarily going to be for survivors or victims.
• 29:44
  It was more a guide for family members and friends and Co
• 29:50
  workers when they recognize the abuse in someone they know and
• 29:54
  care about how to approach them. Well.
• 29:59
  Without getting isolated because four months into my relationship
• 30:04
  I was told you're in an abusive relationship.
• 30:07
  What did I do? I went and told my abuser so and
• 30:09
  so thinks I'm in an abusive relationship.
• 30:12
  Well, guess who got cut off immediately?
• 30:14
  Exactly. I was just going to say they
• 30:16
  isolation's a big. Part of that that puts you in
• 30:18
  more danger. Yeah.
• 30:20
  So how do you say you're in an abusive relationship without
• 30:25
  saying you're in an abusive relationship?
• 30:27
  So that's what the book is more of.
• 30:29
  Is that more of a guide on what that person's going through, how
• 30:35
  to approach them, how to create a safe space?
• 30:38
  And then here are like the power and control wheel is in there.
• 30:42
  There's a checklist of things that I needed to see in black
• 30:46
  and white of if you're, if you're experiencing this, this
• 30:50
  and this, you're absolutely in an abusive situation.
• 30:53
  Sometimes that's not clear, right?
• 30:56
  And physical violence is around the outside.
• 31:00
  You know, I, I did endure some physical, absolutely sexual
• 31:05
  violence and a lot of the verbal cut down, coercive control,
• 31:10
  isolation, like all of that, sure, but you wouldn't know it.
• 31:16
  No, because I. Smile on my face.
• 31:19
  Exactly which the title of the book behind the smile is such a
• 31:23
  key component here because also abusers in these situations many
• 31:28
  times are about appearances. So it's very important to them
• 31:32
  that to the outside world, you appear with a smile looking
• 31:36
  beautiful, looking very Immaculate.
• 31:38
  They have a lot to say about your physical appearance.
• 31:42
  And so it's looking for those red flags behind that.
• 31:46
  So I think that's this, you know, and what an important
• 31:49
  resource because there are so many friends and family members
• 31:53
  out there frustrated because they feel like their family
• 31:56
  member is stuck and they don't know how to help them.
• 31:59
  And, and this is so, so thank you for creating this resource.
• 32:03
  I think it's so empowering for those people.
• 32:06
  I just feel it's more of like a tornado effect, right?
• 32:09
  Like the abused person is right in the middle in the eye of the
• 32:13
  of the tornado. Yeah, family, loved ones, Co
• 32:18
  workers, they're all in this cycle.
• 32:20
  And who knows what's happening. I mean, my abuser would log into
• 32:24
  my Facebook and send nasty messages to people as me.
• 32:27
  Jesus Christ. Wow.
• 32:30
  Right. So how do you know what that
• 32:32
  person's doing? Like I wasn't allowed to post on
• 32:35
  Facebook unless it was about him or about us.
• 32:38
  Wow. How lucky I was to be with him.
• 32:40
  How God bless me to that. I met him in the dog park like
• 32:44
  he controlled all of that and if I didn't post enough I would get
• 32:49
  in school for that too. Wow, wow.
• 32:52
  Just not no winning. You just don't know there
• 32:56
  absolutely no winning, like no matter what I did was not good
• 32:59
  enough. Yeah, yeah.
• 33:01
  Wow. Talk to me about how you're why
• 33:05
  and your values are so behind what you do today and how you
• 33:11
  show up in that. When did you know it was time to
• 33:15
  do that? Because it's one thing there's
• 33:18
  so much involved emotionally and mentally and leaving a
• 33:23
  relationship like this and rebuilding a life and feeling
• 33:28
  safe. And then there's a whole other
• 33:30
  thing involved when you decide to launch resources and
• 33:35
  organizations and release a book to help other women in that
• 33:39
  There's an emotional bandwidth that goes with that.
• 33:44
  But I see women time and time again doing this because they're
• 33:48
  so passionate about trying to help others that have been in
• 33:52
  their situation. Talk to me about when you felt
• 33:55
  it was time to make that move and how your why and your values
• 34:01
  have been formed. That so my I left him.
• 34:07
  The last day I saw his face in person was October 31st, 2018,
• 34:14
  and it took me until 2023 to start the nonprofit.
• 34:22
  It really took me. It took me a long time to talk
• 34:26
  about it because I was so full of shame and built that it was
• 34:31
  my fault. Forgiving myself was probably
• 34:34
  the hardest thing I've ever done and telling my parents because
• 34:40
  my mom was really sick my I left in October 31st 2018.
• 34:44
  My mom died May 2019, so she was having so many health issues,
• 34:51
  like they really couldn't be there for me.
• 34:54
  Yeah, right. My sister-in-law at one point
• 34:58
  said, do I need to drive down there and help you move out of
• 35:01
  his place? And I'm like, no, that would put
• 35:03
  you in danger. I'm in the process now.
• 35:06
  Like I was in between 4:00 and 5:00, right?
• 35:09
  Yeah. So I was already in that
• 35:11
  process, but he had isolated everybody for me.
• 35:14
  So you do feel alone. But once I escaped, I found a
• 35:20
  little rental house on Zillow that was fully furnished because
• 35:23
  I had sold all my belongings. And the lady's niece bought the
• 35:30
  house when she was getting out of a bad relationship.
• 35:32
  So she worked with me on the rent and that became my place of
• 35:38
  like kind of like feeling safe again.
• 35:41
  Sure, but I I never posted that address anywhere I got from me
• 35:46
  was a U PS: store. You know they don't have PO
• 35:51
  boxes in their address, right? It is the street number and it's
• 35:56
  sweet whatever, because we'll have a box without it being APO
• 36:00
  box. He should up there.
• 36:03
  Wow. So and he threatened me.
• 36:07
  He was like, you know, you have such a big mouth.
• 36:10
  I know exactly where you live because you can't keep your
• 36:13
  mouth shut. Well, I never told.
• 36:16
  There's two people that knew where I lived.
• 36:19
  The 1st girl that he, who is a huge close friend of mine, I've
• 36:25
  got her godmother in the Catholic Church.
• 36:28
  You know, we've been on international trips together.
• 36:32
  Like she was the first person he cut off.
• 36:35
  Just got my first call. She showed up at my door and my
• 36:40
  parents came. Those are the only two people
• 36:42
  that knew my exact address. Otherwise everybody else got The
• 36:46
  UPS Store. So how would he know unless he
• 36:48
  was tracking me? Right.
• 36:52
  So how did that dude, did you get a new cell phone?
• 36:55
  I mean it because that's the thing.
• 36:56
  There's so many ways to. Track I got a new cell phone.
• 37:01
  I did not get a new number, but he was in IT so he probably
• 37:05
  figure out somehow some way you know I didn't do I didn't upload
• 37:10
  from my iCloud Yeah, I got a a new phone and just entered in
• 37:16
  this stuff Yeah and deleted all the old updates right.
• 37:22
  So cuz I didn't know sure I had no idea.
• 37:26
  But you know it it at that time when you leave is the most
• 37:30
  dangerous time because they either are gonna I mean at that
• 37:35
  point he was like, I don't mind if you tell a therapist and your
• 37:39
  parents, you know what your deal is but you need to stay quiet.
• 37:45
  Well, why are you afraid that your bad behavior is gonna be
• 37:49
  publicized? Yeah right.
• 37:52
  And so that kind of threatening they they can absolutely become
• 37:59
  backed in a corner and terrible things happen at that point.
• 38:03
  Thankfully, not in my case, but I've spoken to others and have
• 38:07
  helped others that absolutely have been in a worse place when
• 38:12
  they left. In fact, it was.
• 38:13
  It got exponentially worse when they left the house.
• 38:17
  Wow, wow. And realizing that that is
• 38:23
  dangerous and to stay on guard of of your surroundings, most
• 38:28
  importantly. And for goodness sakes, learn
• 38:31
  some self-defense. Yeah, you mentioned jujitsu
• 38:35
  earlier. Yes, I'm getting in process of
• 38:38
  getting certified to teach self-defense in Brazilian Jiu
• 38:41
  Jitsu. The process is they have a women
• 38:45
  empowered program that's the top 20th vaults on women and that's
• 38:49
  like police reports. So it is the most common, like
• 38:53
  hair dragging, wrist dragging, leg drag, ankle dragging, rear
• 38:58
  naked choke, like where they come up behind you and choke
• 39:00
  you, strangulation from the front.
• 39:02
  Like you can get out of all of those.
• 39:04
  Wow, it was. So important, Yeah.
• 39:07
  And that makes you feel. Very strong.
• 39:09
  Let me tell you, when you realize what you have within
• 39:13
  you, I think that's such a key component is helping you get
• 39:17
  back to you realizing you've got it all within you.
• 39:20
  You just got to tap into it and empower yourself and get
• 39:23
  yourself the resources, but it's all.
• 39:25
  There. Yep, absolutely.
• 39:27
  Yeah. So five years for you to really
• 39:30
  kind of go through what you needed to get through to what?
• 39:34
  Was there a moment that made you realize I think I need to do
• 39:37
  this? Or had was it kind of in the
• 39:39
  back of your mind all along? I think it increased over time
• 39:43
  because when I started talking about it, it was to like the
• 39:46
  friends that got isolated. Sure.
• 39:48
  And then I, when I started in my, in the insurance business,
• 39:53
  there was a lady that we started talking and she's like, I came
• 39:56
  from an abusive background too. And so she and I had some
• 39:59
  conversation. And then, like, the more and
• 40:01
  more you talk about it, the more and more you realize there are
• 40:04
  lots of women who have gone through it.
• 40:06
  They have never talked about it. And then I was doing something I
• 40:11
  was picking out. So I'm picking up cabinet.
• 40:14
  No, I was picking up countertops because I redid my kitchen in
• 40:18
  2023. And the lady at the cabinet
• 40:21
  thinks she goes, you need to go talk to like women at a shelter
• 40:27
  need to Share your story and show them that there is life on
• 40:30
  the other side of what they're going through.
• 40:33
  And that is when it's my wheel started turning of it is way
• 40:39
  bigger than me. It's not just my story, it's how
• 40:44
  can I help lead other people out of where they're at and and I
• 40:49
  rent. I was at a entrepreneur brunch
• 40:51
  and met this guy and he helps people build nonprofits for
• 40:56
  their companies. And I was like, if God isn't
• 40:59
  trying to give me a sign right now, I don't know how it
• 41:02
  absolutely that is when the that's when I launched at the
• 41:06
  end of 2023 is when I launched my nonprofit and it took me a
• 41:11
  year to do the book. OK, the book launched at the end
• 41:15
  of 2024. Wow, wow man.
• 41:19
  I it's well, I'm so thankful that that you that came to be
• 41:24
  because you're such an important voice in resource in this area.
• 41:28
  Part of this process too was you learning how to live out of your
• 41:32
  own expectations versus others expectations, realizing what was
• 41:37
  possible for you, especially difficult after living for years
• 41:41
  with a person who had. I cannot tell you how many women
• 41:45
  I have talked to on this podcast who've been in abusive
• 41:48
  situations, who've said the exact words to me that you said
• 41:51
  I thought I was crazy. I have lost track of how many
• 41:54
  times I forgot. There is such an intention
• 41:57
  between trying to dismantle your belief in yourself.
• 42:00
  Dismantle your expectations of what's possible.
• 42:04
  So talk to me about kind of building that back up and
• 42:07
  realizing that you can decide how your life's going to go and
• 42:11
  you can live and defy the expectations others might have.
• 42:15
  Yeah. And and especially coming out of
• 42:17
  that trauma situation, realize that the expectations that they
• 42:23
  put on you are unrealistic. Yeah.
• 42:26
  That's because you did something once or twice.
• 42:29
  Because you were being nice doesn't mean that's a rule that
• 42:33
  you have to do every day. Yeah, yeah.
• 42:38
  There that that can become a boundary.
• 42:40
  I was doing that to be nice. Well, if you loved me, you would
• 42:45
  continue doing it, right? And and all of a sudden you're
• 42:48
  sucked into doing something that you could care less for doing
• 42:52
  like you don't want to do it. Right.
• 42:55
  In fact, you want to spit in their coffee as you're handing
• 42:58
  it to them kind of situation, right?
• 43:02
  But realizing and especially coming out of that, what time do
• 43:08
  you want to wake up in the morning?
• 43:09
  What do you want to do with your morning routine?
• 43:12
  Do you want to snuggle with your dogs?
• 43:14
  Do you want to wake up when the sun rises?
• 43:16
  Do you want to get up at 5:00 AM and go to the gym?
• 43:19
  Like, what do you want? Like those tiny decisions make
• 43:24
  all the difference in the world. And that's how you get your
• 43:27
  confidence back by promising yourself, I'm going to do XY or
• 43:33
  ZAB or C. And you do them one step at a
• 43:37
  time. When you accomplish one, you've
• 43:39
  just built a later brick for your pathway.
• 43:41
  You do the next one, you've laid the next brick on the pathway.
• 43:45
  Just do one at a time. It's it's overwhelming if you
• 43:47
  look at the whole pathway, but actually a brick you're you're
• 43:52
  laying your found out, your foundation of healing by doing
• 43:55
  those little things, building your own expectation of yourself
• 44:00
  because you can expect great things from yourself.
• 44:03
  You're built in the eyes of God. Yeah, right.
• 44:06
  So he is not going to make something not worthwhile.
• 44:11
  So realizing that as a foundation is how you should
• 44:15
  think of yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks of you.
• 44:19
  Yeah, and that's a great segue into embracing your layers.
• 44:22
  I talk about this all the time, the importance of embracing your
• 44:25
  layers, knowing your value, all the parts of your life, the
• 44:28
  pieces, the parts you love, don't love, the shame that you
• 44:32
  need to walk through and heal from and deal with.
• 44:34
  Just getting to a point of curiosity rather than judgment
• 44:37
  for yourself, but that key base knowledge that you are valuable,
• 44:41
  you are worthy, and you get to choose.
• 44:44
  You get to choose your life. You get to choose who you
• 44:47
  surround yourself with. You take, you get to prioritize
• 44:50
  yourself. You're worthy of that.
• 44:52
  Talk to me about your layers journey and being able to do
• 44:55
  that. Yeah, I think that you know, as
• 45:00
  as you come out of any traumatic situation, you're a fresh onion.
• 45:06
  You really, really are, because you've been wrapped up and
• 45:10
  suffocated and the plastic bag has been twisted and folded over
• 45:14
  and twisted again. So as you unwrap the skin, how
• 45:21
  do you feel? What do you see?
• 45:23
  You know, where do you see your life?
• 45:25
  Are you even happy in your job, Right?
• 45:29
  I'm out of these situations. When I got out of my abusive
• 45:32
  situation, I realized my work environment was abusive.
• 45:37
  Like, you don't see it in the moment because you're already
• 45:40
  dealing with so many heavy things.
• 45:42
  Maybe it's time for a whole life renew, right?
• 45:45
  And don't be afraid of that. It is scary, but maybe it's
• 45:49
  time, right? And then you pull back that
• 45:52
  later, OK, how do I feel? Do I want to work for myself?
• 45:55
  Do I want to work in some other career path that I absolutely
• 45:59
  love, like a hobby and make it into a career?
• 46:01
  Like boring. Like embrace the excitement in
• 46:05
  that. Don't think of it as scary.
• 46:07
  It is scary, don't get me wrong, but the excitement of choice,
• 46:12
  it's so amazing. And then as soon as you uncover
• 46:16
  that, peel back the next layer. OK, I've got this in place.
• 46:20
  What do I want to explore next? Do I want to get into a hobby
• 46:23
  that I absolutely love that I forgot about or I wasn't allowed
• 46:26
  to do? Like.
• 46:28
  All of those little things like, do I want to adopt animals?
• 46:31
  I started collecting, you know, dachshunds, Like, do I want to
• 46:35
  go swimming? Do I want to be a beach person?
• 46:38
  Do I want to, you know, hike trails?
• 46:40
  Like, what do I want to do? Who do I want to be 5 years from
• 46:45
  now? Like, start on that journey and
• 46:47
  act as if you are becoming that person.
• 46:50
  And that's on a whole other path, right?
• 46:54
  Yeah, and each of those, once you explore and lock something
• 46:59
  in, you can always change it. That's another layer to feel
• 47:02
  Exactly, exactly doesn't work for you.
• 47:05
  You have the ability to shift. Right out of it.
• 47:09
  You're not locked in. The only thing life that you're
• 47:12
  locked into is getting born and dying.
• 47:14
  That's yeah. That's it.
• 47:16
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 47:17
  And I love you. How you went back to like start
• 47:19
  with those things that feel doable and build out that.
• 47:22
  Yeah. Thank you so much for that.
• 47:24
  So good. You have done this so
• 47:26
  remarkably. You have learned how to what I
• 47:29
  call live out feel. You have found your empowerment.
• 47:32
  You are embracing your layers. Talk to me about how that's
• 47:36
  impacted your relationship with your son, yourself, as well as
• 47:39
  your relationship with other people.
• 47:43
  I finally see myself as worthy because that is a hard thing to
• 47:51
  come back to. Yeah.
• 47:53
  I mean, forgiving yourself is one part of that step.
• 47:56
  And you know, realizing whether you're spiritual or believe in
• 48:04
  any type of faith, that's a whole other conversation, but
• 48:08
  that that also brings into worthiness, right?
• 48:12
  Are you, are you worthy of a higher love, right?
• 48:18
  Something bigger than yourself, something that no one person can
• 48:23
  give you. It's something much bigger than
• 48:25
  that, right? And then how can you, even if
• 48:32
  you're even if you feel broken, you're still valuable, right?
• 48:40
  What it what is the Japanese art form?
• 48:42
  Kits, Kitsune. It's where they break the
• 48:48
  pottery. Oh, yes, yes, with all the
• 48:51
  beautiful cracks. And yes, yeah, with the gold.
• 48:55
  So how do you, how do you put your pieces back together and
• 49:01
  become more beautiful? Right There was the longest time
• 49:05
  where I couldn't go to the gym because he actually ruined it
• 49:11
  for me. And I showed up at the gym a
• 49:16
  mile from my house and guess who showed up?
• 49:19
  He did. It's out of his way.
• 49:22
  Wow. But he shows up there.
• 49:24
  So when I saw him there, I was full of anxiety and I had to
• 49:29
  shift to because he then ruined that for me.
• 49:32
  I was on the path of getting my health back where I wanted it
• 49:37
  and he destroyed that once again.
• 49:40
  It was like another bomb went off, right?
• 49:42
  He threw him a ringing there and I gained weight after that.
• 49:46
  And so coming back to dealing with your trauma and dealing
• 49:51
  with your feelings, it's a never ending journey.
• 49:53
  Like we talked about at the very beginning, you're going to have
• 49:56
  setbacks, but be OK with that. Understand that you're just
• 50:01
  going to have to go back and visit.
• 50:03
  I'm OK with revisiting this. I'm in a safe place now and I
• 50:08
  can rebuild. What do you want to rebuild to
• 50:12
  and like that journey in and of itself is a it's a ton of work,
• 50:18
  right? You're convincing yourself,
• 50:20
  you're convincing your subconscious.
• 50:23
  You're having these discussions with you every day.
• 50:26
  I have these discussions with my dogs, even though they can't
• 50:28
  talk back. You know it's it's ongoing work,
• 50:33
  but realize it's better to do that than being humiliated and
• 50:40
  degraded in all crazy forms in your relationship where you're
• 50:46
  unsafe. You're in a safe space.
• 50:49
  You may be going through some hell, but you're not in that
• 50:53
  scenario. Yeah, yeah.
• 50:56
  And you know that you're valuable and worthy of more.
• 51:00
  And they absolutely you do not deserve.
• 51:03
  No one deserves to be in that situation to be treated like
• 51:06
  that. You get to decide.
• 51:08
  No one else is responsible, but you get to choose, and you're
• 51:12
  not responsible for anybody else either.
• 51:15
  And yeah, thank you so much for that.
• 51:17
  And that's a boundary, right? Like.
• 51:19
  Yes, that. You have to behave in a certain
• 51:24
  way for someone to be happy. Walk out the door.
• 51:27
  Absolutely bad news regardless. Yeah.
• 51:31
  I say all the time, if someone's asking you to abandon yourself,
• 51:35
  that's a red flag. That's not a good relationship.
• 51:38
  It's not a safe relationship. And and it's not when you have
• 51:42
  to submit yourself to. I think that's so important to
• 51:45
  remember that. All right, as we wind down here,
• 51:48
  share with me 5 activities that nourish you.
• 51:55
  The hot tub winding down, relaxing.
• 51:59
  I always like scalding hot showers so that just it's the
• 52:04
  feeling of human, right, the heat without knowing that you're
• 52:08
  just baking in the sun kind of heat.
• 52:10
  But yeah, that that bubbling water just all around you, like
• 52:16
  almost giving you a hug, right? It's just another, yeah, it's
• 52:23
  just another hug, another self-care, like I mentioned
• 52:27
  earlier is grounding myself, going to stand in the grass, sit
• 52:32
  in the grass, lay down in the grass, and the dogs jump all
• 52:35
  over me because there's always two of them that have to attack
• 52:39
  my face with kisses. So that's all.
• 52:41
  You know God created dogs for a reason, because they're
• 52:44
  unconditional love. Another thing that I do that
• 52:51
  self-care. Make your bed in the morning,
• 52:54
  right? I like to get in bed and feel
• 52:57
  like I'm getting into a fresh bed, like pulling back the
• 53:02
  covers, like just doing those normal things, putting makeup
• 53:08
  on. How easy is it to throw your
• 53:12
  hair up in a bun, wash your face, but not put any makeup on?
• 53:17
  So every time you walk past the mirror, you feel that you're
• 53:20
  staring at the ugly version of yourself who was a beater, who
• 53:25
  was, who were wearing too much makeup, who you know, all of
• 53:28
  those things that if you put some effort into feeling like
• 53:35
  you on the inside, you feel like you're on the outside.
• 53:41
  So when you walk by a mirror, Mel Robin style, give yourself a
• 53:44
  high five. You see it, you recognize it,
• 53:48
  you feel it, right? And another self-care thing is
• 53:53
  connect with your friends, right?
• 53:55
  Especially getting isolated. Yeah.
• 53:59
  There are you, you will learn. There are friends that drain you
• 54:03
  so you have to figure out what that is.
• 54:05
  Sure, talk to them certain amounts of time and other
• 54:10
  friends that when you're done you could conquer the world.
• 54:15
  Like surround yourself and have when you're doing this yourself,
• 54:19
  care. Surround yourself with those
• 54:21
  phone calls because they will absolutely put you on a whole
• 54:25
  other level. Like they are your own personal
• 54:28
  PR team who doesn't need that. Absolutely.
• 54:32
  Oh so good. Yeah.
• 54:34
  Absolutely we do, all of us. Thank you so much for that, that
• 54:37
  was so good. Tell me 5 words on how you want
• 54:40
  to feel the next six months. Proud, courageous, determined,
• 54:50
  loved. And resilient.
• 54:59
  I love that. So good at the end.
• 55:03
  It was hopeful and resilient while I was battling there.
• 55:06
  You, all of them are important. I love those.
• 55:08
  All of those. And they go really well
• 55:10
  together. Tell people where they can find
• 55:12
  you and follow you and get and get access to your resources.
• 55:16
  Absolutely. So my nonprofit,
• 55:19
  isigniteher.org, I have a nationwide resource page on
• 55:25
  there as well. So I'm based in Florida, so I
• 55:27
  have the two counties, but there are people that tune into the
• 55:30
  website that are not close by. So I've got nationwide resources
• 55:34
  on there. Great.
• 55:36
  And then for my book under my name is tiffanynewton.com.
• 55:40
  So you can order the book. It has all the links.
• 55:43
  If you click on the Amazon link, it takes you directly to Amazon.
• 55:45
  You can purchase their Walmart, Books-a-million, you know,
• 55:48
  Barnes and Noble, all that stuff.
• 55:51
  And then on social media, the easiest way is at Miss Ms.
• 55:56
  Tiffany Newton. OK, great.
• 55:59
  Thank you so much for that. Any last thoughts that you'd
• 56:02
  like to leave with our listeners today?
• 56:05
  If you're going through something heavy, just realize
• 56:08
  you are not alone. There are people out there to
• 56:13
  help you. They cannot read your mind.
• 56:17
  Please reach out, say something. I know it's hard but ask for
• 56:24
  help. Even if it's I need to run this
• 56:26
  past you. I I need to ask your opinion on
• 56:30
  something. Something where you don't feel
• 56:32
  like I need your help is coming out of your mouth.
• 56:35
  Just say I need to, I just need to ask you a question and ask
• 56:39
  for help. I mean that you are not alone.
• 56:42
  And if you're in a tight position, there are so many
• 56:44
  resources out there. I didn't know what they were and
• 56:48
  I didn't ask. So that's one of the biggest
• 56:50
  things that I tell people is please ask.
• 56:53
  Someone out there will hear you and point you in the right
• 56:56
  direction. If they're not local, they will
• 56:58
  find something nearby you. Yeah, and Tiffany yourself has
• 57:02
  resources right here. You can go to
• 57:03
  embracinglayers.com, to our resources page and find those
• 57:07
  Break the silence. Let's do this together.
• 57:10
  Let's do this for ourselves. Let's do this for the women in
• 57:13
  our lives that need it. Tiffany Newton, thank you for
• 57:16
  how you show up in the world. Thank you for your strength and
• 57:18
  your courage and the resources that you offer and for being
• 57:21
  here with me. Today, thank you very much.
• 57:24
  Absolutely. All right, listeners, you've got
• 57:26
  the resources there. Make sure you utilize them.
• 57:29
  Take good care of yourselves. Know you're valuable.
• 57:32
  You're worth saving, you're worth saving yourself.
• 57:36
  Take good care of yourselves and we'll see you next time here on
• 57:38
  The Field Podcast. Hello, and thank you so much for
• 57:42
  being with us today on this episode of The Field Podcast.
• 57:47
  If you would like more information on how you can apply
• 57:51
  these talking points that I share with our guests in each
• 57:55
  episode to your own life, really utilize this feel framework.
• 58:00
  Go to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form and let's
• 58:05
  set up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how
• 58:09
  you can start living your most authentic, organic, healthy,
• 58:15
  feel fueled life. Thanks again for being with us
• 58:18
  today. We'll be back to you soon with
• 58:20
  another episode here on the Feel Podcast.