Latest / Blush / The Cutest Afternoon Tea Spread: Tea-Infused Energy Balls & Healthy Finger Sandwiches

Transcript

The Cutest Afternoon Tea Spread: Tea-Infused Energy Balls & Healthy Finger Sandwiches · Blush

• 0:00
  You know, I've been banging on about how I want to have more
• 0:03
  friends, I want to be more social, I want to host more, I
• 0:06
  want to entertain. And as a result, we've been
• 0:08
  doing a whole entertainment series.
• 0:10
  Well, we're back with another installment.
• 0:12
  And this week we're doing the episode that I've been
• 0:15
  daydreaming, fantasizing that I've just been like, like, I
• 0:19
  just can't wait to do this episode.
• 0:22
  We're doing afternoon tea. We're doing kind of a British
• 0:26
  style fancy. We have our three tiered stand.
• 0:30
  We're doing fucking afternoon tea, baby.
• 0:33
  But we're going to make it a little bit more modern, a little
• 0:36
  bit more chic, a little bit more flush coated.
• 0:39
  So let's get into it. OK, So I did a bit of research
• 0:48
  because, you know, I'm not British.
• 0:50
  Like I don't go to afternoon tea, so I didn't entirely know
• 0:54
  what it entails. But apparently a very classic
• 0:57
  traditional afternoon tea, you have your three tiered stand and
• 1:02
  on Tier 1 is usually the finger sandwiches that we all associate
• 1:07
  with afternoon tea on Tier 2. By the way, the reason I keep
• 1:11
  saying afternoon tea versus high tea is apparently afternoon tea
• 1:15
  is fancier, High tea is more pedestrian, and we're not
• 1:20
  pedestrian anyway. Tier 2 is usually biscuits and
• 1:24
  cottage clotted clotted cream. I, I don't know what these
• 1:28
  fucking British do and jam. And then tier 3 is sweets.
• 1:33
  So like I said, we're going to kind of make it our own.
• 1:36
  And I'm just drinking hot water with cumin extract because my
• 1:40
  bloating situation continues. Actually, do you want to see a
• 1:43
  bloating update? I wore this so you can really
• 1:48
  see it. I mean, it looks like I'm doing
• 1:49
  a pregnancy announcement. I'm not like I'm not fucking
• 1:52
  pregnant anyway. This is what I would do if I
• 1:56
  were actually hosting right now. I would have three types of tea
• 2:00
  available. Yes ma'am, can I help you?
• 2:05
  Sam would like to join the chat. So I would have three types of
• 2:08
  tea available. I would have one type of black
• 2:11
  tea, one type of green tea, and one type of non caffeinated tea.
• 2:16
  Now you can do whatever you want, but my personal
• 2:19
  recommendations for the three might be for black.
• 2:23
  I would probably do an oolong for green.
• 2:26
  I would probably do a Genmicho, which is my personal favorite
• 2:30
  green tea. It's so fucking good.
• 2:32
  It has puffed brown rice in it. It is just out of this world.
• 2:36
  And then for the non caffeinated tea, I would do so bacho, which
• 2:40
  is a Japanese tea that's like buckwheat tea, I think.
• 2:44
  Anyway, that's what I would do. You can do whatever you want.
• 2:46
  We're not going to make tea because everyone knows how to
• 2:49
  boil water and pour it, so you don't need me to demo that.
• 2:53
  So we're going to get into our tears now.
• 2:54
  We're going to to do the most annoying stuff 1st and then
• 2:58
  we'll do all the pretty fun stuff.
• 3:00
  So let's get into it. OK?
• 3:03
  I had this idea. I think it's so innovative,
• 3:06
  unique, interesting. Like dare I say I'm going to
• 3:10
  change the world with this, I mean, Nobel Prize coming soon.
• 3:15
  Martha Stewart could never, I thought for our top player, for
• 3:21
  our top tier, for our sweet Slayer.
• 3:25
  I wanted to do balls like, you know, like powerballs, bliss
• 3:28
  walls, whatever. We're going to do tea balls
• 3:30
  because it's a fucking tea party.
• 3:32
  Also me saying balls a lot is giving a few episodes ago with
• 3:36
  dad and says Pickles, you know, you know, you know.
• 3:39
  Anyway, so we're going to do 3 tea balls.
• 3:42
  Tea balls sounds weird, right? It just kind of reminds me of
• 3:45
  tea bagging the more I say it. OK, let's just move right along
• 3:50
  from that. But we're going to do kind of
• 3:52
  like bliss balls, but each of them have a different type of
• 3:55
  tea in them. So the very first one we're
• 3:57
  going to do is a yuzu chamomile. Now, to be clear, I have never
• 4:03
  made this before. I also honestly haven't made
• 4:06
  balls in a really long time. But like, so we'll see how it
• 4:09
  goes. Like I'll obviously, you know, I
• 4:12
  tell you when it's not good, but OK, got it.
• 4:18
  So I think the base for all three of them is going to be,
• 4:21
  oh, these dates are fresh as fuck, is going to be a cup of
• 4:26
  pitted medjool dates and a cup of rolled oats.
• 4:29
  I like that more than doing just like tons and tons of nuts or
• 4:33
  seed butters or nut butters or whatever.
• 4:36
  It just keeps it a little bit lighter 'cause when you just use
• 4:39
  like tons and tons of nuts, like we're then starting to look at a
• 4:42
  meal replacement ball rather than just like a treat.
• 4:46
  And as always with my recipes, when I say a cup of pitted
• 4:50
  Mitchell dates, I want them really firmly packed in like I
• 4:53
  just did. So I'm just gonna dump that in
• 4:57
  there. Now.
• 4:59
  My hands are all fucking sticky, but we're going to roll with it
• 5:05
  really sticky. So I buy this brand of oats.
• 5:12
  They're glyphosate free, you know, how much does it matter?
• 5:16
  Who really knows, but I feel like they're available, so why
• 5:20
  not? OK, Oh, our yuzu.
• 5:25
  So we did a cup each of those. I'll do 3 tablespoons of yuzu
• 5:32
  juice. I'll link the one that I get.
• 5:34
  I get it on Amazon. I've tried many brands and of
• 5:38
  the brands that I've tried, this is the best one.
• 5:42
  Now, only one person has ever done this, but I do think it's
• 5:46
  worth mentioning. I'll link it, buy it from the
• 5:50
  link because this brand also makes other products that aren't
• 5:54
  straight yuzu juice and one person and one person only
• 5:58
  bought the wrong thing one time. But you know, whatever.
• 6:02
  I just want to make sure that never happens again.
• 6:04
  Hold on, I need to go grab my chamomile.
• 6:07
  OK, love chamomile. So we're going to do just a
• 6:11
  teaspoon of chamomile. I worry that anything more than
• 6:15
  that will overpower what we're doing.
• 6:17
  Apparently I can't find a teaspoon.
• 6:20
  I brought all my fucking measuring spoons out here.
• 6:22
  OK, one teaspoon. Also, this is a food processor,
• 6:26
  not a blender. This would not work with a
• 6:30
  blender. You do need a food processor.
• 6:32
  I just have the Vitamix top for it.
• 6:43
  Why? OK, All right.
• 6:49
  That smells so fucking good. All right, Let's see how it is,
• 6:52
  though. Yeah, it's great.
• 6:59
  That is so good. I'm so scared I'm going to fuck
• 7:02
  it up, but I'm going to add a tablespoon of tahini.
• 7:07
  No, I'm like so scared. It's going to be shit now, but
• 7:11
  it just needs to have some fat source.
• 7:13
  And I thought tahini might be more interesting than doing
• 7:16
  cashews. I don't know.
• 7:17
  We're going to start with one tablespoon and see what happens.
• 7:20
  I also, I just want to push some of these oats down so they get
• 7:24
  blended. I really hope that ends.
• 7:27
  I'll let you know if the tahini wasn't good.
• 7:30
  If the tahini wasn't good, just do 1/4 cup of cashews.
• 7:35
  But who knows, it might just like elevate it a little.
• 7:37
  You know, this thing being in my existence.
• 7:44
  Thank God I work out OK. I'm sorry, but like, I'm very
• 7:54
  strong. How would the average person do
• 7:57
  this? I can't be right is all I'm
• 8:01
  going to say. The tahini really does add a
• 8:09
  very interesting flavor, but I'm going to keep it at one
• 8:13
  tablespoon. I think that's honestly plenty.
• 8:15
  I think anything more than that it would overpower.
• 8:19
  OK, here's what we're going to do.
• 8:20
  I'm just going to pull this doughy situation out and maybe
• 8:27
  I'll put it into a jar or something.
• 8:30
  I don't have that many jars. Hold on, Tupperware to the
• 8:33
  rescue. So I'm going to put it in here,
• 8:35
  put it in the fridge because that is going to make it easier
• 8:38
  for rolling and then I'm going to clean the food, food
• 8:43
  processor and we're going to come back and do ball numero
• 8:49
  dos. She speaks Spanish and by that I
• 8:53
  mean I did do a lingo for like honestly I did it for like a
• 8:57
  full week or two as I really do want to learn Spanish.
• 9:02
  My sister-in-law is half Colombian and honestly I think
• 9:06
  it's like low key disrespectful that no one in my family has
• 9:10
  made any attempt at learning Spanish.
• 9:13
  And then we use her as our translator anytime we need to
• 9:17
  talk to a Spanish speaking person, to the point where I've
• 9:21
  called her before and had her translate things for me.
• 9:25
  Anyway, I did do two weeks of Duolingo.
• 9:28
  Like, I'm so sorry. Like I'm never going to get a
• 9:31
  brand deal with Duolingo. It's awful.
• 9:34
  Like if you want to learn how to say apples and woman and man and
• 9:38
  boy, phenomenal. If you want to learn anything.
• 9:42
  Like why would we not start with, I don't know, just like
• 9:45
  normal conversational things. Like I don't walk around saying
• 9:48
  I'm a woman, I'm a woman, I'm a woman.
• 9:51
  But apparently Duolingo things the most important priority for
• 9:55
  me is to gender surprise myself anyway.
• 9:59
  So I kind of quit and I'm yet to find I tried another app.
• 10:03
  I also wasn't a huge fan of that.
• 10:05
  Like I don't know if anyone has any rock salt, you know?
• 10:07
  I would like to just know the basics of conversational Spanish
• 10:12
  and why are we talking about this?
• 10:14
  Who knows? Who the fuck knows.
• 10:19
  It's so sticky. But it does get Shogun.
• 10:24
  That's so fucking good. I mean yousu just always slays.
• 10:31
  I don't know what that was actually.
• 10:35
  I usually like slay is so outdated.
• 10:38
  Like slay or I'm going to stop being annoying.
• 10:42
  Maybe probably won't. Also you may have noticed as
• 10:46
  I've been pulling this out, some of the oats aren't like fully
• 10:49
  processed. I'll be better about pushing it
• 10:51
  down next go round, but it's also not that deep.
• 10:57
  Yeah, I mean, quick cleaning break, French break.
• 11:03
  I'll see you in a SEC. It's time for ball #2 OK, this
• 11:07
  one's going to be a matcha pistachio miso ball.
• 11:12
  Who comes up with this shit? That's right, I do, and we'll
• 11:17
  see how it is. OK, so we're going to start with
• 11:20
  the same base, a cup of pitted medjool dates.
• 11:26
  These dates are so fucking juicy and fresh, it's actually so hard
• 11:32
  to not just like eat them as is a cup of oats.
• 11:38
  We're going to do 1/4 cup of pistachios shelled, obviously.
• 11:46
  Like would be so concerning if you didn't know that on your
• 11:52
  own. No offense and our match.
• 11:58
  So I'm not using my favorite matcha for this because like why
• 12:03
  would you waste your favorite matcha on a recipe?
• 12:08
  My God, everything's hard to open today.
• 12:10
  What the fuck is going on? OK, ready.
• 12:19
  That's Aussie off camera. Are you seriously going to throw
• 12:22
  it back? Oh my God, I got it.
• 12:27
  Touchdown. There we go.
• 12:36
  This is quite good matcha though I should say.
• 12:38
  It's not like it's still ceremonial grade, it's still
• 12:42
  good, it's just not like the best best best matcha I have.
• 12:46
  So we're going to do 2 teaspoons of this to start.
• 12:50
  Can always add more. I will say for the chamomile
• 12:54
  yuzu 1 like between us the chamomile flavor isn't that
• 13:00
  pronounced but I didn't want it to get bitter so that just
• 13:05
  seemed to safer way to do it. Whereas for this I do want to
• 13:09
  make sure you're getting a good amount of matcha flavor.
• 13:27
  It got like fucked. That was so scary.
• 13:31
  Oh, is this how you undo this? I think this is ready.
• 13:41
  Perfect. Wow, it's actually really
• 13:44
  fucking good. All right, just going to take
• 13:46
  this. My heart rate is still.
• 13:48
  I hope, like I hope the blender is OK.
• 13:51
  I hope. Yeah, that was fucking nuts.
• 13:56
  That's insane. OK, it's time for our third ball
• 14:03
  and hopefully no disaster or catastrophe.
• 14:06
  Honestly, that sounded like someone coming to try to murder
• 14:09
  me with a chainsaw. Which is been a long standing
• 14:12
  fear of mine. You might not know this about
• 14:14
  me, but I I'm afraid of chainsaws the way most people
• 14:19
  are afraid of guns. Like one time I saw someone
• 14:21
  walking down the street holding a chainsaw.
• 14:24
  When I tell you, I turn around and ran in the other direction
• 14:27
  and my home was on the other side of this man.
• 14:30
  Like I literally had to run away from my home because I saw a
• 14:33
  chainsaw. Can't explain it.
• 14:35
  I've actually never seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
• 14:38
  If you're thinking like, oh, maybe it's because you saw that
• 14:40
  movie, never seen it, don't even know.
• 14:42
  I mean, I would imagine a bunch of people got killed with a
• 14:45
  chainsaw in that movie, but I've not seen it, so I can't really
• 14:48
  speak to whether that's the plot or not.
• 14:51
  Anyway, our third balls, the one that I'm the most excited about,
• 14:54
  it's going to be a Earl Grey cardamom macadamia nut orange
• 15:03
  zest ball like you may as well just call it Chanel Couture
• 15:09
  Hermes ball, like you may as well just call it.
• 15:12
  I'm fancy as fuck and have elevated taste ball.
• 15:16
  I mean, hello, I've never been more proud of myself.
• 15:22
  OK, let's just see if it's good before I go on and on with all
• 15:26
  these accolades for myself. And I think that for these two
• 15:30
  where I'm adding nuts, you could even go like a tiny bit over a
• 15:33
  cup with the dates if you like things sweeter.
• 15:36
  Not if you don't. Taylor's choice.
• 15:40
  I think these are also going to be really great for like a mid
• 15:43
  morning, like post brecky kind of snack or if you're the type
• 15:48
  of bitch who like needs a dessert after breakfast, which I
• 15:53
  think we should all be that type of bitch.
• 15:55
  You know, it's a great dessert breakfast, which is insane.
• 16:00
  I mean, I like to have a Seafree breakfast, but sometimes you
• 16:04
  just need a little sweet treat. Also, why do macadamia nuts
• 16:09
  smell the way that they do? It kind of reminds me of balls,
• 16:13
  you know? Hey, do you think this smells
• 16:18
  like a testicle I'm going to throw onto you?
• 16:20
  Smells like a what? Testicle, kind of right.
• 16:29
  And that's exactly what it smells like, doesn't it?
• 16:39
  OK, All right. So we're doing about 1/4 cup of
• 16:43
  that, although it's like a bit over 1/4 cup because they're
• 16:47
  really hard to measure in quarter cups.
• 16:48
  So it is what it is. I'm going to do 2 teaspoons of
• 16:52
  Earl Grey because I just want to go crazy.
• 16:55
  We'll see how it is and then for the cardamom of it all.
• 16:59
  So I usually like to work with whole cardamom.
• 17:04
  I think the flavor is better but for this because I want to make
• 17:08
  sure it's really spread out evenly and you never bite into
• 17:11
  like a chunk of cardamom. We are going to use powdered and
• 17:15
  as I'm talking I'm realizing this is one of the least
• 17:18
  interesting things I've ever said.
• 17:19
  I honestly could have just said use powdered cardamom, but
• 17:22
  instead I wasted your time with that bullshit, so you're
• 17:26
  welcome. All right, we're going to give
• 17:29
  this a go. Oh, sorry, that was 1/4
• 17:30
  teaspoon. See, I was so busy yapping about
• 17:32
  things that no one gives a shit about that I didn't even get
• 17:34
  there. So that was 1/4 teaspoon.
• 17:37
  If we need more, we'll add more. And if you're wondering where
• 17:41
  the orange zest is, it's the same place where the miso is for
• 17:45
  the last wall. It's going to come in the
• 17:47
  styling, so OK. Let's go.
• 17:59
  I don't even know if I did that right.
• 18:01
  I'm very much not Catholic. OK, I'm just going to give a
• 18:07
  taste. And then I do want to process
• 18:11
  this a bit more because it's a little chunky, OK?
• 18:27
  Wow, I don't think I like macadamia nuts.
• 18:32
  So but. I'm going to process it more,
• 18:35
  and we'll see where we go with this.
• 18:48
  If I hadn't been here, we would have had another fucking
• 18:51
  catastrophe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:55
  OK. Yeah, that was much better.
• 18:58
  Much better. I'm going to say something that
• 19:04
  might be controversial, but I say cunt every third word.
• 19:09
  So how much worse can it get? This tastes rich.
• 19:15
  It tastes like generational milk.
• 19:19
  It tastes like fucking fancy. Wow.
• 19:28
  I think my macadamia nuts are also quite old.
• 19:31
  They were expired. That's insane.
• 19:34
  And you know what, the Earl Grey leaves are kind of like a little
• 19:38
  like chunky as you bite in, which is so interesting.
• 19:44
  Now that you know, I've given myself a fucking heart attack,
• 19:47
  I'm going to go clean the shed of my that.
• 19:49
  I'm going to put it in the sack. I'm not going to clean right
• 19:51
  now. I'm going to put this guy away.
• 19:53
  I'm going to put this in the fridge.
• 19:54
  You know what? I'll just put it in the
• 19:55
  measuring cup because like, we don't need her anymore.
• 19:58
  And then we're going to go get working on Tier 1 and Tier 2 and
• 20:02
  then we'll roll the balls, we'll style them, we'll get everything
• 20:06
  on our tiers and then I guess we'll say goodbye.
• 20:10
  I mean, it's not like you're here to have the Tea Party with
• 20:15
  me, but I wish you were. OK, I'm so.
• 20:18
  Excited for this part. We're going to work on tier one
• 20:20
  now. The first thing I'm going to do
• 20:22
  is I bought this sliced yuzu peel from the frozen section of
• 20:28
  an Asian grocer. I don't know.
• 20:34
  Yum. Come on, I'm going to put this
• 20:38
  back in the freezer. Keep frozen before and after
• 20:42
  opening. Cool, can do.
• 20:44
  I'm just going to microwave this.
• 20:47
  We're potentially gonna use it. We'll see.
• 20:50
  We'll see. We'll see.
• 20:52
  That was just 30 seconds. Yeah.
• 20:54
  I think that's funny that thought this.
• 20:57
  OK. Hot Oh Yum Oh I like EI like it
• 21:05
  like that. Here's my vision.
• 21:12
  I feel like cucumber sandwiches are a very common finger a
• 21:16
  sandwich for this type of thing, which like amazing, love it.
• 21:19
  We're totally going to do it. But because we are so blush
• 21:23
  coated, we do have to make it just like a little bit more
• 21:25
  interesting a little bit more, dare I say worldly.
• 21:29
  So I was thinking we might do a yuzu peel ginger cucumber
• 21:36
  sandwich. So let's start by putting our
• 21:42
  mesh glove on because safety 1st and I'm just going to do very
• 21:48
  thin mandolin cucumber lengthwise slices.
• 22:00
  This might be a really good time to talk about what we're using
• 22:04
  for cream cheese. Maybe I'll go just a tiny bit
• 22:07
  thicker because we don't want, we don't want that to happen.
• 22:16
  We do need to maintain the integrity of our cucumber
• 22:19
  slices. OK, that's good.
• 22:21
  So we're using the same cream cheese, the like high protein
• 22:26
  vegan homemade cream cheese that we made for our brunch episode.
• 22:32
  So it was made with a half a cup of the unsweetened Eden Foods
• 22:38
  soy milk, 110.9 oz of a container of firm silken tofu, a
• 22:46
  cup of soaked cashews, 2 tablespoons nutritional yeast, 2
• 22:50
  teaspoons lactic acid, 1 to 2 teaspoons depending on how tangy
• 22:55
  you like things. 3 tablespoons white miso, 2 tablespoons
• 23:00
  refined coconut oil. It has to be refined.
• 23:05
  I feel like that's plenty of cucumber, but whatever, I'm just
• 23:08
  going to do a tiny bit more. I'm by tiny, but I.
• 23:13
  Mean like a whole nother one because like why not?
• 23:18
  OK, you know what? I'm off.
• 23:22
  OK, I'm going to get a peeler. I'm just going to peel this bit
• 23:25
  of fresh ginger. And.
• 23:29
  I'm not entirely clear what the fuck I'm going to do with it.
• 23:34
  You know what, maybe I'll use the mandolin and make thin
• 23:38
  slices and then chop them up or something like that.
• 23:41
  I don't know. We don't want much either, but I
• 23:44
  like using fresh for this versus dried because the flavor is
• 23:50
  actually much more subtle. Anytime something dries, the
• 23:54
  flavor tends to become more pronounced, and we don't want to
• 23:58
  go like, overpoweringly gingery. And this, you know, that'd be
• 24:04
  fucking weird. I'm just kidding.
• 24:07
  I am just like saying. Bullshit.
• 24:09
  Now I don't know why. Maybe it's the second or the
• 24:13
  half shot of espresso that I had in addition to my usual amount
• 24:18
  of espresso. It's going really well.
• 24:25
  Don't. Worry.
• 24:29
  I'm truly. On the verge of cutting a nail
• 24:32
  off, but honestly, it's time for me to get my nails fixed.
• 24:35
  I will say the Russian hard manicure that I got what feels
• 24:40
  like 14 centuries ago at this point, not a crack, not a chip.
• 24:44
  Like I think that they could, if I, let's say, never went to get
• 24:49
  another manicure, I don't think that they would crack or chip
• 24:53
  ever. It's just that, you know, we're
• 24:55
  starting to, you know, it's growing out is the unfortunate
• 25:01
  fact of having good nail growth because I eat so healthy.
• 25:07
  Ignore me. All right, I'm going to grab the
• 25:10
  yusu peel and we'll go ahead and chop that up too.
• 25:14
  OK, now. Yummy.
• 25:24
  Oh, oh, look, I kind of want to like, suck on a bit of ginger.
• 25:34
  Wait, is that like, the most unhinged thing you've seen a
• 25:36
  person do? Oh, so spicy.
• 25:41
  It's almost like I. Didn't know.
• 25:42
  All right, so I'm going to grab a bit of the cream cheese.
• 25:46
  I'm going to add some of this shit in there.
• 25:50
  And then I'm. Going to mix it up.
• 25:55
  Now as. I'm sure you know, cheese
• 25:57
  sandwiches are usually made with white bread, or like cucumber
• 26:02
  sandwiches are usually made with white bread.
• 26:04
  But we're going to use Dave's killer bread, by the way.
• 26:09
  Earlier I thought he was holding a chainsaw on this packaging.
• 26:12
  I feel like there's a big chainsaw theme today, you know?
• 26:17
  Watch my hand go. Missing.
• 26:19
  Yeah. I don't know why I'm so scared.
• 26:20
  Like just they're like fucking dangerous.
• 26:23
  I'm sorry. But like we, I just feel like as
• 26:25
  a society we have such selective fears.
• 26:30
  Like we're afraid of bombs, but not cars.
• 26:36
  And let's. Go ahead and pretend I didn't
• 26:38
  say that. I'm just saying, like, cars can
• 26:41
  explode, they're filled with gasoline, and we just hand out
• 26:47
  driver's licenses to a bunch of incompetent drivers like myself.
• 26:52
  I have a driver's license. OK, That shows you a failure of
• 26:55
  the system. So here's what we're doing.
• 27:00
  By the way, I usually. Do like to buy bakery bread but
• 27:03
  for this I just wanted a bread that could be like really soft
• 27:07
  and honestly my favorite bakery bread that would have worked for
• 27:11
  this occasion was not available. So it's a 2 fold thing.
• 27:15
  OK, so you might be wondering like, but where's the cucumber?
• 27:19
  It's coming, It's coming, but we're not going to do it yet.
• 27:23
  So that one's done for now. Now we're going to grab our
• 27:28
  Mesta Maha. I love this brand of these like
• 27:31
  grocery store breads, like they're so different from other
• 27:34
  bread, but it really just reminds me of my childhood in
• 27:38
  Germany. I got.
• 27:41
  The pumpernickel, I also love the fitness one.
• 27:44
  That's actually my favorite one. But I think for we're what we're
• 27:47
  about to do, pumpernickel is a little bit more appropriate.
• 27:51
  So we're going to take it. We're going to put some of this
• 27:56
  cream cheese on both sides. Yummy.
• 28:04
  Yummy, yummy yummy yummy. Looks so pretty.
• 28:10
  And really? I would say don't be shy with
• 28:12
  the cream cheese in this scenario.
• 28:14
  It's so healthy too. Like why would you be so much
• 28:19
  protein? So much protein Ever since the
• 28:24
  purple episode when there was a bunch of.
• 28:28
  Tech issues. Where I was out of focus a
• 28:30
  bunch, I have what can only be described as PTSD.
• 28:36
  I'm constantly afraid that I'm going to be out of focus and it
• 28:40
  is quite literally ruining my life so.
• 28:44
  That's fun going to. Need a round of trauma therapy
• 28:47
  for that. OK so do you remember how in the
• 28:52
  brunch episode we did the smoked papaya instead of locks?
• 28:58
  Well, I. Still have her, right?
• 29:00
  Here. So that's exactly what we're
• 29:03
  going to use for this. It's crazy how.
• 29:10
  Much this smells like salmon, but it's because of two things.
• 29:14
  One, the dolls, which is like one of the types of seaweed that
• 29:20
  wait, I don't know that to be true.
• 29:22
  I I know that salmon eats red algae.
• 29:25
  I don't know that they actually eat dull specifically.
• 29:30
  I'm also gonna add some dill. 'Cause I like dill.
• 29:34
  OK, I mean, that should just look so fucking pretty.
• 29:42
  OK, let's just put this here for now.
• 29:45
  I will close it and we'll do other things.
• 29:48
  But real quick, for our last tea sandwich, we're gonna do figs.
• 29:53
  Also some of these like this fig is begging to be eaten.
• 29:57
  So I will do that real quick one.
• 30:00
  Of my favorite things. In the world is in the summer
• 30:05
  when it's actually fig season. It's not even fig season.
• 30:08
  It's crazy how figs are something that used to only be
• 30:11
  able to get in season and lately I've been seeing them out of
• 30:14
  season a lot more. Let me say the word season a few
• 30:18
  more times. They're not that good when
• 30:20
  they're out of season, but like, I literally didn't go have a
• 30:23
  fog. Fuck me texture.
• 30:29
  Spot on though. Fakes really help me poo in case
• 30:32
  anyone knows what I'm drinking. Now.
• 30:34
  I do wish the inside was a little bit more pink, but you
• 30:39
  know, what can you do? So we're just going to kind of
• 30:43
  thinly slice this. It's not for the salmon
• 30:45
  sandwich, to be clear. OK.
• 30:56
  I'll. Try one more to.
• 30:57
  See if I can get like a more pinky 1.
• 31:00
  Nope, that's fine. That is fine.
• 31:04
  One of my favorite things, though, I was saying in the
• 31:08
  summer when it's actually fig season, is when the figs are so
• 31:12
  juicy that they start like cracking and bursting on the
• 31:15
  outside. And it's just like, like thick
• 31:18
  and like on the inside, you know?
• 31:22
  You know when you're so obsessed with something that you're just
• 31:25
  like? Like kind of like.
• 31:27
  Lenny from of My Smash. OK.
• 31:33
  I'm going to move right along from that weird ass comment.
• 31:36
  OK, let's get to assembling and styling our sandwiches.
• 31:42
  OK, so this we'll put the top on.
• 31:45
  Don't worry about that for now. For our figs, we're going to
• 31:50
  grab another bit of pumpernickel bread and just put some cream
• 31:55
  cheese on our vegan high protein cream cheese.
• 32:02
  Few. Drops of balsamic OK.
• 32:07
  And. I'm just going to use a
• 32:08
  toothpick to try to swirl this in a little bit, but doesn't
• 32:13
  really matter because honestly, the figs are going to be on top
• 32:16
  anyway. Yeah, OK, let's pretend that
• 32:20
  looks better than it does and we're gonna lay some figs out.
• 32:32
  OK, now the key. For this one is you wanna cut it
• 32:37
  so that the figs are cut, if that makes sense 'cause that's
• 32:44
  what's gonna make it pretty or make it fall apart.
• 32:48
  I don't know. We'll see.
• 32:54
  Good enough. Would be prettier if the figs
• 32:58
  were pinker, but fuck me if that doesn't look good.
• 33:03
  Oh, she cutie. OK, I'm going to move this just
• 33:09
  out of the way for right this second.
• 33:11
  Let's do our cucumber. So for this, we are also going
• 33:15
  to top it with cream cheese, just a super thin layer and then
• 33:20
  some cucumber slices. OK, now I'm terrified for this,
• 33:27
  but we're going to aim to kind of get the crusts off just very
• 33:31
  gently doing this 'cause we don't want to push all the cream
• 33:34
  cheese out. So it's like oozing everywhere,
• 33:36
  you know? So far so good.
• 33:40
  So far so good. And the key is you really want
• 33:43
  to use a bread that's soft enough.
• 33:45
  You can use a white bread, by the way, that's very
• 33:47
  traditional, which is that we're, you know, more health
• 33:51
  conscious here, so. And we're.
• 33:54
  Going to cut these into a little baby ones.
• 34:03
  OK Fucking adorable. Love to see it.
• 34:11
  Lastly, our fake salmon AKA papaya.
• 34:16
  So we're just going to cut this into like rectangular bits again
• 34:22
  as carefully as possible. I'm already having a bunch of
• 34:25
  fuck me cream cheese oozing. Come on, what a little cunt.
• 34:46
  Fucking hate this thing. So two of them have.
• 34:49
  Seen better days and. Then I thought it would.
• 34:52
  Be cute to take some of our cucumber ribbons and just wrap
• 34:57
  it around. And that kind of.
• 35:01
  Looks like shit. Great.
• 35:03
  Amazing. OK.
• 35:10
  That's plus shitty honestly. You can kind of use the cucumber
• 35:18
  slices to try to mask where the bread broke too.
• 35:26
  OK. Cutie No, I do love this.
• 35:30
  I mean, it's not as perfect as I thought it was going to be, but
• 35:33
  it's. Cute.
• 35:36
  OK. We're just going to put these in
• 35:38
  our first tier I'm. Going to put the ugly.
• 35:42
  Ones in the back I don't. Think this.
• 35:46
  One's going to go in the fucking back.
• 35:51
  First rule of fight. Club only pretty things in the
• 35:54
  front and Figgy's foochie baby look at this.
• 36:07
  OK, I feel like. That's enough.
• 36:13
  Yeah, I. Do wish these had gotten a
• 36:16
  little like less fucked up but it is what it is.
• 36:19
  OK I want to taste this. This is my offshoot.
• 36:30
  When I tell you I. Completely forgot about my own
• 36:33
  vision of adding these meal and ginger and so I just bit into it
• 36:37
  thinking it's going to be a cucumber sandwich.
• 36:40
  She has layers. There's cucumber, there's
• 36:43
  ginger. That should is fucking good.
• 36:47
  This bread would be. Better toasted with lobsters
• 36:49
  between us. No, I'm going to taste this too
• 36:52
  since it's not there. I like this a lot.
• 37:00
  I'm going to go. I just rinse my hands off, put a
• 37:03
  few things away, and then we're gonna get going on tier #2 we're
• 37:08
  not even like we're very close to the finish line.
• 37:12
  OK, Tier 2 is usually scones. I think it's scones, clotted
• 37:18
  cream, and jam. Now I don't like scones and I
• 37:24
  actually have no idea what the fuck clotted cream is.
• 37:28
  It sounds not vegan. It sounds disgusting.
• 37:32
  Honestly. It sounds like cottage cheese.
• 37:34
  Which also curious if other. I'm curious if you agree with
• 37:41
  this, does cottage cheese remind you of yeast infections 'cause I
• 37:45
  feel like our entire childhoods they were like, you'll know if
• 37:48
  you have a yeast infection 'cause you'll have cottage
• 37:50
  cheese like discharge. Which by the way, I've had
• 37:53
  several yeast infections. You know, not to brag and not
• 37:57
  once has have I had cottage cheese looking discharge, so I
• 38:02
  don't think that that's whatever.
• 38:05
  Anyway, so I got these Ezekiel 7 sprouted green English muffins
• 38:11
  and that's what we're going to use instead 'cause I love an
• 38:13
  English muffin and these are quite healthy.
• 38:17
  And as. Aforementioned I don't like
• 38:21
  scones like gross I'll, so that's what we're going to do
• 38:25
  for that and then instead of jam I I have some dark sweet
• 38:31
  cherries we're going to defrost that actually a bit of it.
• 38:37
  I love also eating frozen cherries.
• 38:41
  Yum. Can really feel it going down.
• 38:46
  And then do you remember the blueberry lavender vanilla date
• 38:51
  caramel that I made for our brunch a few weeks ago?
• 38:55
  So we're gonna do 2 English muffins for this tear.
• 38:59
  Just like pretend there's more shit there.
• 39:01
  So one of them will do the cream cheese with the cherries, which
• 39:06
  I'm envisioning being a little bit like cherry cheese Danish
• 39:10
  adjacent, which was one of my favorite pastries growing up,
• 39:13
  unlike scones. And then for the other one,
• 39:16
  we'll do the cream cheese with the blueberry lavender
• 39:19
  situation. So let me put the rest of the
• 39:21
  shin in the freezer and then I'll see you in a SEC.
• 39:24
  How does it go? No Watch the video.
• 39:28
  I don't want to mess up my TikTok algorithm flossing dance.
• 39:32
  No, I don't want to floss my teeth.
• 39:35
  I'm ready. Very good, I thought not to
• 39:36
  brag. OK, you ready?
• 39:39
  Let's try the floss. Take both hands to one side and
• 39:42
  push away with your hips. Try to the other side 123.
• 39:47
  Can you try a? Little faster, no?
• 39:50
  We cannot ready. Let's try.
• 39:54
  Just doesn't seem. All right, oh, these smell good.
• 40:04
  I'll put these two back in. OK, let's do the cherry one
• 40:08
  first because that's the one that I'm more excited to eat.
• 40:12
  And it's my shell, so you know. Oh, she's excited too.
• 40:21
  She's excited too. Oh, it's going to be yummy.
• 40:25
  Oh, put a little cherry explosion in the microwave.
• 40:29
  It's going to be fun to clean later.
• 40:35
  She's hot, just like an oven. OK, I need to stop singing
• 40:39
  because of copyright issues. Wait, I.
• 40:42
  Want tea? I'm going to take a bite.
• 40:46
  I'm scared I'll burn. Or put that there by side facing
• 41:02
  in. No one will know.
• 41:05
  That's good. I could go like more cherry on
• 41:07
  that. That's fucking good.
• 41:09
  OK for this one. Ready to move the?
• 41:12
  Toaster. You know to where it belongs.
• 41:17
  To the floor, apparently. Honestly, I.
• 41:23
  Just want a bite of this with cream cheese real quick.
• 41:31
  I just love an English. Muffin.
• 41:37
  Here we go our. Blueberry lavender.
• 41:39
  Now if you don't remember this was I don't remember the recipe.
• 41:44
  I think it was. A cup of pitted medjool dates.
• 41:47
  A cup of the Eden food, soy milk.
• 41:54
  Some amount. Of dried blueberries.
• 41:58
  I don't. Know Kareem is at the front shop
• 42:01
  of soda. It's in there.
• 42:03
  Leave me alone. Actually, hold on.
• 42:04
  I have the recipe right here. I'll tell you One Cup of the
• 42:08
  Eden food. Soy milk, One Cup of pitted
• 42:11
  medjool dates, 1/2 cup of dried blueberries, one tablespoon
• 42:15
  vanilla extract, 1/2 a teaspoon lavender extract, and an eighth
• 42:20
  of a teaspoon salt. OK, we're done with our bottom 2
• 42:25
  tiers. Can you even see that there
• 42:28
  isn't shit back here? No, I'm guessing no.
• 42:31
  It's time now for our balls. So I'm going to go kind of clean
• 42:34
  some of this shit up, and we're going to get to rolling and
• 42:37
  styling some balls. It's ball time.
• 42:42
  OK, So I'm gonna take my rings off.
• 42:45
  We're just gonna roll some fucking balls.
• 42:48
  I'm not bleeding, by the way. That's just like cherry juice.
• 42:52
  Yeah, see. Refrigerating it just makes it
• 42:55
  so much easier to work with. I'm gonna do a.
• 43:02
  Few of each of them. I'm not gonna roll like the
• 43:07
  whole batch of each of them for right now because I don't think
• 43:12
  that's a good use of either of our time.
• 43:16
  Although I am kind of. Curious to see how many balls
• 43:19
  we'd have, but whatever. Maybe that's a?
• 43:23
  Curiosity I can quench on my own time.
• 43:28
  It's funny how different. They feel actually like that
• 43:32
  one's much. Firmer.
• 43:35
  Than the yuzu, which I guess makes sense cause the yuzu has
• 43:38
  some liquid in it. I'm also curious to see which
• 43:41
  one is my favorite once they're all I'm working on my posture.
• 43:51
  I just stopped singing coffee breaded music like it's actually
• 43:56
  a problem. Yeah, these two are.
• 43:59
  So much firmer, but I guess it's just the lack of moisture in
• 44:02
  there. This is actually like so
• 44:05
  therapeutic. Wait, they are so fucking cute.
• 44:09
  I still think those cardamom are all Gray ones are just so like
• 44:15
  refined and elegant looking. OK, I think it's time to style.
• 44:21
  OK, we're going to start with these yuzu chamomile balls.
• 44:27
  Just going to put them in their own little plate and then for
• 44:31
  styling these I was thinking little drizzle of tahini.
• 44:41
  Oh yeah, that's. Cute, right?
• 44:43
  Wait, look how my phone case is basically the same color as
• 44:47
  those plates. It's blush blue.
• 44:50
  Pantone blush. Blue.
• 44:55
  Cute. And then for the pistachio
• 45:01
  matcha ones, remember how I said there was going to be miso?
• 45:04
  Well, it's going to be dried miso that we're just going to
• 45:08
  flake on top. Fucking adorable.
• 45:13
  And then? Lastly.
• 45:18
  The Earl Grey. Balls.
• 45:20
  We're going to add our orange zest.
• 45:24
  Oh great, none of them cut. No, it's going really.
• 45:30
  Well, OK, I think I'm going to have to microplane it.
• 45:36
  The fuck is going on? Here.
• 45:40
  OK, it's weird. How about like that?
• 45:48
  Oh, yeah, OK, OK, these. Are fucking adorable.
• 46:02
  OK, we're just going to move these to our tiered stand.
• 46:05
  I'm going to leave the yuzu ones in their plate because.
• 46:11
  No, that's great. That's going great 'cause
• 46:15
  they're just like covered in tahini I.
• 46:19
  Don't know does this look? Like, dog shit.
• 46:23
  Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.
• 46:27
  I know exactly how to make those look better.
• 46:29
  OK, so I bought these edible orchids, and then I kind of
• 46:33
  forgot about them, honestly. So we're just gonna put some of
• 46:37
  these in our stand just to, like, brighten it up a little,
• 46:43
  add a little something extra, in the words of Elle Woods.
• 46:49
  There we go. There's our stand.
• 46:52
  OK, now it's time for me to taste the locks 'cause that's
• 46:55
  the only thing I haven't eaten. And by locks I mean.
• 46:58
  Papaya. I'm obsessed.
• 47:06
  Obsessed. OK, that's it.
• 47:08
  That's our tea party. I probably have cream cheese all
• 47:11
  over my lips. That's fine, because we're done.
• 47:14
  We're done. We're ready for the guests to
• 47:16
  come. We're ready to drink our tea.
• 47:19
  We're ready to enjoy this beautiful feast.
• 47:23
  Thank you so much for being here.
• 47:25
  I hope you had a fun time. I had the best time hanging out
• 47:28
  with you and we're going to do more hanging out next week.
• 47:31
  Love you. Bye.