Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / The Ant Bully

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The Ant Bully · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

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Welcome to Cage Match, co -laid, a one -of -a
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-way, a Weedy McLeish Cage. I'm your host, Cora,
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with my co -host, Nick, is our producer. Peter,
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hello. Well, welcome, Cora. We're really excited
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to have you on the podcast. Yeah, this is real
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exciting. So what movie did we watch? The Ant
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Bully. The Ant Bully, that's right. What did
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you think of The Ant Bully? Was it good? Yeah.
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Yeah. Did you have a favorite character? The
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one that was helping that boy. Oh, okay. So Hova.
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Hova. Yeah, she liked Hova because Hova was a
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nice lady who helped out Lucas, who was sometimes
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not a nice boy. No, but Hova was very sweet.
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She was very nice to him. Yeah. Did you have
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any moments that you thought were really scary?
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No. Wasps. The wasps. What did you think of the
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wasps? I thought they were pretty neat. You know,
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pretty intense. The weird color palette for them.
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Yeah. The black and purple. Very menacing. They
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did try to eat them. And what did they have on
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their on their butt end? Yeah. What was on their
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butts? A stinger. A stinger. Yeah, that's right.
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So let's see. Did you have any other characters
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that you really liked? There was one that was
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really pretty. Do you remember? Which one? The
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queen. You thought she was really good. She had
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the big butterfly wings that kind of came out.
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Yeah. What did you think about Lucas, the boy?
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I didn't like Lucas. Yeah, why didn't you like
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him? Was he a jerk? Yeah. Yeah, he was a little
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bit of a stinker, wasn't he? Yeah. But did he
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learn to be good at some point? So I made friends
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with Lucas. Yeah? Yeah. Was it because Hova and
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the other ants helped him and he learned? What
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did you think about... What was his name that
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made friends? Well, it was Hova and Lugax or
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something like that. Yeah, something like that.
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And Zok was the one that you didn't really like.
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That's Nicolas Cage's character. Yeah, the wizard.
2:05
Yeah. He was kind of grumpy, wasn't he? Yeah.
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Yeah, he was a grumpy guy. He was pretty grumpy.
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He was kind of, but then they were friends. They
2:13
did become friends, you're right, when they were
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up on that mushroom. Yeah, both of them grew
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and they... They learned from each other. Yeah.
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Yeah, that's very good. Learned to be accepting.
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What was one of your favorite parts from the
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movie? A giant frog that was eating... Lucas.
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Lucas. Yeah. Did you like when the frog came
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up out of the water? And you saw just its eyeballs
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go... It was pretty cool when they were in the
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frog's stomach, wasn't it? I did like when...
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Wait, what was his name? Are you talking about
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the guy in red? Yeah, you liked this part. So
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Stan Beals, the bad guy, the exterminator. What
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did you like about that part? When he got stuck,
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I mean, got stung from the wasp. Yeah, where
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did he get stung? On the butt. He did get stung
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on the butt. That was pretty good. Hey, speaking
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of butt stuff, did you like it when they were
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eating the bug poop? do you remember when lucas
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turned green yeah when they were eating that
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meal and then he got sick because he realized
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it was caterpillar poop yeah it was bug poop
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i'm pretty high that part wasn't as impactful
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as the butt stinger no i mean butt stinger is
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pretty good i really liked butt stinger Cora,
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do you have other movies that you like? This
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is only maybe the, like, 10th movie you've ever
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seen in your life. Whoa. Yeah. Top 10 movie.
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Yeah, that's true. What are some movies that
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you do like that you think are great? Elsa. Okay,
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so what's that movie called? Frozen. Yeah. What's
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the one with Maui? Moana. Yeah, you liked that
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one. Did you like Lilo and Stitch? Yeah. Yeah.
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What's another one that you've liked that you've
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seen? Rapunzel. Oh, that one has, yeah, called
4:08
Tangled. I like that one with Pascal. Yeah. That's
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a fun one. That's pretty cool. I haven't seen
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that one. I'll have to check it out. It's actually
4:15
pretty good. Frozen 2. And Frozen 2. That's a
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total hit for sure. Very good. Yeah. All right.
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Do you have anything else that you want to say
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to our very important listeners? Hey, Cora. Thanks
4:37
so much for being on our podcast. Oh, God. We
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have a guest this week. We do not. We have a
5:06
LaBuzzy, though. Yeah. And it gets a microphone.
5:10
It has lots of things to say. All of them are
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racist. Yeah, exactly. Hopefully. Gotta give
5:18
me a break. Yeah, someone's gotta shoulder that
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cross. Yeah. So, Monday in the office, my cubicle
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mate, Carrie, made me legit cackle. And I was
5:32
glad that the office was mostly our coworker
5:34
Alyssa's last day before, well, last day in the
5:37
office because she's about to pop. And they were
5:41
talking about ways to like induce labor. And
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Carrie's like, you should get like a bouncy ball
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for your desk. Alyssa was like, I'm not trying
5:48
to do that here. I'm not trying to like induce
5:51
here. And Carrie's like, why not? We need new
5:54
carpet. And I lost it. I mean, that is actually
5:58
pretty good. That would be so gross, though.
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Imagine how long you'd have to look at that stain
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before they fixed it. Oh, yeah. And they'd be
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gone, so it would just be right there at an empty
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desk. No, when I still lived in Seattle and came
6:09
to Portland, one of the first times I brought,
6:14
when I first had Ben, I brought him down with
6:16
me for one trip and had him at my cubicle. And
6:20
up to moving here, I would still find bits of
6:24
kibble on the carpet. Oh, man. Yeah, people don't
6:29
do like lots of real good deep cleaning or fixing
6:31
of things for the most part. Like we ended up
6:34
Barrett and Cora were born in the same room at
6:37
the same hospital. And I can confirm this because
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I remember like being delirious when Cora was
6:42
being born and staring at this weird like damage
6:45
on the wall. And it was definitely still there
6:48
when Barrett was being born. Was it like a baby
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shaped Kool -Aid manhole? i wish it was just
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blasting out like i'm out of here might be the
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wildest c -section like kid just burst out but
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leaves a baby -shaped hole in your mom oh i guess
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it doesn't have to be your mom it doesn't have
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to be my mom yeah it wasn't my younger brother
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who did that oh phil come on yeah get it together
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dude i know for real he just got engaged yeah
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good for him yeah about time to get remarried
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Who doesn't love a good remarriage? Yeah, right?
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Second time's the charm. That's what they say.
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You know what? I have a new rule. I used to say
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I'm not getting people gifts for their second
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weddings. From now on, I'm not getting people
7:32
gifts for their first weddings. Like, we know
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this is the practice, Ron. So obviously we're
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talking about the ant bully. Yeah. I mean, I
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always kind of think about anamorphs. I hate
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your shaved head. I hate it so much. It's weird.
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I've gotten a little bit used to it, but still,
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like, I'll jump onto a Zoom call or something
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and be like, what? It's a rounder than I imagined
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it would be. I used to do this like once a year.
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It was just like clean slate it to see what I
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would get back. It looks. Like you joined a cult.
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It does. And it kind of feels like I did. You
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need like like diaphanous flowing white rose.
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Oh, yeah, that would be cool. And release my
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folk album. Yeah, that'd be cool. Show everyone
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my penis. That's how it goes. Nobody will laugh.
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So you do this to see how it'll grow back. So
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this is a test to see if you're starting to bald.
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Kind of. But also it comes back like blonde.
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That'd be cool. Nice. Yeah, I'm trying to think
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the last time I shaved my head and I was still
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probably in my 20s. I don't think I did it all
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through my 30s because I don't want to see how
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slowly it comes back. Especially after like my
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experiment with a beard again last month and
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seeing that it's pretty much almost all gray
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at this point. Yeah, I've gotten a lot more gray
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in my beard lately, which makes watching a movie
8:51
for definitely children much harder to give a
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shit about. Yeah, it was pretty rough. My beard
8:58
still has the same amount of gray, but I am really
9:01
liking my kind of dirty ghost mustache right
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now. I like it. Yeah. Hey, Nick, check these
9:08
out. Holy shit. Nice dino slippers. Yeah. For
9:16
the folks at home, I have T -Rex slippers now.
9:19
Yeah. For the folks at home, Sean just gave us
9:21
an upskirt. I am wearing my favorite skirt. So,
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yes, this week we are talking about The Ant Bully
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starring Nicolas Cage as shocker. Yep. On this
9:35
podcast, we talk about Nicolas Cage movies. Yeah.
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And now basically only the bad ones. Yeah. Or
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the surprisingly not as bad as we expected ones.
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Yeah. Like Trapped in Paradise. Yeah. Sure. We
9:48
could talk about that again if you want. I will
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say this movie, I will say The Ant Bully. not
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as bad as i thought it would be um but still
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not good yeah the first review i found of this
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while like trying to find it on uh plex there
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was a rotten tomatoes review that just read dot
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dot dot unnecessary dot dot dot this was a weird
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time when like like when did ants and a bug's
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life come out those were earlier than those yeah
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so this was just like trying to catch the this
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tom hanks tales tom hanks was hot for the the
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ant bully book got the property you know rights
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and really wanted to make it and picked this
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company to make it which tom hanks correct wait
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who directed this uh director was john davis
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but tom hanks was like an executive producer
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he just thought it was cool and wanted to see
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it i mean i guess he had been reading it to fucking
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chet hanks What's the other one? We see how that
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turned out. Yeah, right. Yeah, Chad Hanks is
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fucking a baller. Yeah, he's the best. I love
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his Rasta accent. Yeah, the Ant Bully book, Tom
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Hanks always read it to him in a Rasta accent.
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So that makes sense. I imagine that. Tom Hanks
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is just doing a lot of like wildly inappropriate
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voices and shit at home. Just trying things out.
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Yeah. So I just wanted to Google when a bug's
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life and ants came out and I forgot that Kevin
11:24
Spacey was the villain in a bug's life. Oh yeah.
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And you know, Woody Allen was the main character
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of ants and just like, yeah, those aged pretty
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poorly. 1998 animated. bug movies can't go back
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to no but i mean okay so that's kind of the biggest
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thing that i was thinking about with this movie
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is like those movies looked pretty good like
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ants had like a grimy kind of quality to it and
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bugs life was like pixar cute you know colorful
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candy but they like had some art to it yeah the
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the characters had i don't know good textures
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and stuff something yeah this movie it's like
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it looks so gross and like every little sprig
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of grass is just the same thing duped you know
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yeah when there was that like weird like light
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grass area around their mound and they show that
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it's like a grassy the light grassy area by your
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mound yeah it just looks so stupid the animation
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this awful um i don't like any of it i especially
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hate the adults oh yeah yeah like the grandma
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oh yeah the mom the mom is weird the mom and
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the dad are weird tiny face the dad was definitely
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ready to fuck though oh yeah they were on vacation
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they were going to like cabo or some shit and
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he was gonna get his dick what yeah his gross
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weird cg dick oh god it's probably just like
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a rectangle they never fully rendered it why
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would you bother yeah But they did probably for
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Stan. Oh, yes. He had fully rendered genitals.
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Yeah. Well, I mean, they weren't sure where he
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was going to get stung. That's right. And they
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fly up and. Oh, yeah. That thing bites his dick.
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Bites him in the dick or balls. I don't know.
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Dick balls. Dick butt balls. Ball dicks. Yeah.
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So, Nick, who's in this movie? I don't know.
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Like Michelle Pfeiffer. no uh terry graham no
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okay who who played stan beals the exterminator
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uh oh god i should know this um paul giamatti
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yes yes nice okay all right who played hova the
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like friendly lady aunt that's the one i'm trying
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to remember it wasn't michelle pfeiffer and it
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wasn't it's like a major superstar actress yeah
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uh it was the helen hunt nope uh it starts with
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an h though right no julia roberts oh julia roberts
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yeah old horse face yep and then meryl streep
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was the queen aunt um for as much screen time
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as she got bruce campbell fugax oh yeah bruce
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campbell is great we were waiting around like
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all movie just to see bruce campbell yeah i like
14:22
that they gave him a big chin shape yeah i wonder
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if that was like in his writer And of course,
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Nicolas Cage plays Zok in the most phoned in
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voice role. I feel like we've seen him do yet.
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I mean, everybody in this movie phoned in their
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voice, except for Paul Giamatti. Paul Giamatti
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put some work in. I think my favorite random
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actor from this was what was her name? Allison
14:49
Mack, who was the one that was in Smallville,
14:52
who then ended up like joining the sex cult.
14:54
Yeah. Yeah. So she played the older sister. oh
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i recognize that name in the trailer uh lily
15:01
tomlin was like oh the grandma i know it's a
15:05
weird like i'm always surprised like bad animated
15:09
movies get good casts all the time but like you
15:11
see it and you're still just like really i yeah
15:15
i think clearly tom hanks's name brought a bunch
15:18
of a -list actors into this a and b -list hi
15:22
b i feel like This is such a weird thing with
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animated films because ultimately you just want
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a good voice actor, but studios won't put money
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behind anything if they don't think they'll get
15:33
a return. So getting A -list actors in a role
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for a kid's movie, which kids aren't going to
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care about. It's like there was no reason to
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get Nicolas Cage for this movie. Yeah, exactly.
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No kid is going to care that it was Nick Cage.
15:49
that's just the actors doing it because they
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want to or whatever i don't know but they cheap
15:55
out on the animation to pay for the cast i feel
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and you know they they do it because it doesn't
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freaking matter like kids don't give a shit yeah
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they don't know good animation from bad animation
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that's true enough but like other movies that
16:10
came out around that time like happy feet It's
16:13
like these are movies that gave a shit about
16:15
how they looked. And this movie just doesn't.
16:17
It's like the same studio that made the Jimmy
16:19
Neutron movie, which all the adults look like
16:22
they're from Jimmy Neutron. If anyone has ever
16:24
watched that show, it is like horrible. I don't
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know. Weeble shaped humans. Yeah. Yeah. Big heads.
16:30
Big heads. Weird features. Yeah. Gigantic asses.
16:36
Fucking thick. This was Ricardo Montalban's last
16:41
movie. Yeah. Way to go out on a real high note.
16:45
I mean, you think about like, okay, so Raul Julia
16:47
went out on Street Fighter, but like he was feasting
16:50
in that movie. Yeah. Esteban, you know, it's
16:54
like, you didn't give anything to this. Again,
16:57
another one where it's like, who cares that he
17:00
was in it? Well, Street Fighter also will endure
17:03
as like a cult film. People are going to love
17:05
it. 1994 was a kick -ass time. yeah it was i
17:09
don't know why i remember what year that came
17:12
out yeah i don't remember you don't remember
17:15
anything that came out anytime and you remember
17:18
street fighters year yeah and i don't even remember
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the name of the actress who played hova i've
17:23
already forgotten but i remember street fighter
17:25
was 1994 julia roberts yeah that's right i love
17:29
when like names just go out on just the weirdest
17:32
little side project like orson welles's last
17:35
role being fucking um like unicron and transformers
17:39
the movie and he had no idea what he was doing
17:42
he's like i i'm a robot or some shit yeah did
17:46
you guys ever watch that video of him trying
17:48
to do like a p commercial it's it's so good he
17:53
just like can't handle this script the script
17:55
is so stupid it's like miss mabel's farm peas
17:58
grow there but he's like peas peas grow there
18:02
peas grow there no i saw him just like house
18:07
trying to do some ad for something i can't remember
18:10
what it was now but he was just shit -faced the
18:14
the show the critic got so much mileage out of
18:17
that pee commercial because like there's whenever
18:21
they did an orson welles joke about anything
18:22
he'd always like walk off set eating peas or
18:25
something or just i just remember like they're
18:29
even good cold the critic has done a good job
18:34
of living on in my brain it's i have it on dvd
18:38
it holds up yeah i believe it um what are we
18:41
talking about again oh yes the ant bully um why
18:45
this movie nick cage is a wizard he's a wizard
18:48
ant which i mean that part's pretty cool yeah
18:51
it's kind of tight wizardry is great so it's
18:53
like tale as old as time um boy gets bullied
18:56
for being a turd uh boy bullies ants by spraying
18:59
them with water or peeing on them oh man yeah
19:02
i did like that joke peeing the yellow water
19:05
was pretty good the dreaded yellow water you
19:09
know then you know ant wizard can't do magic
19:12
until he puts goo on rocks then can do magic
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boy gets shrunk learns ant lessons uh i am confused
19:21
why adding a resin coating on top of the fire
19:25
rocks whatever the fuck those are supposed to
19:27
be i don't know was uh enough to fix The cracked
19:31
rocks like, oh, the rocks have cracks. I need
19:35
to put resin on them. What? Now the magic works.
19:39
Yeah, it was all it was in him anyway. That makes
19:42
more sense than for the boy to learn his lesson.
19:44
He has to become an ant, which you would assume
19:47
is a metaphor for being a larger part of a whole
19:50
being part of a society. No, he legit starts
19:52
climbing shit and gains ant strength at the end
19:55
of this film. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah. I mean,
19:59
maybe when you're really small, like the textures
20:02
of things reveal themselves to you and you're
20:04
like, well, that soda can, I can grip parts of
20:07
it. It's like looking at things secretly. Holy
20:10
shit. Rough aluminum. You know, OK, I don't hate
20:14
that theory. Right. I mean, that at least gives
20:16
some something to it. But yeah, like why was
20:19
he able to pick up the wasp at the end? I don't
20:21
know. We'll get to that. I did enjoy when Nicolas
20:24
Cage, when Zok is explaining like how ants. all
20:29
have their roles. Like you can be a gatherer,
20:31
you can be a scout. And he's like, those are
20:34
what the, those are your roles as ants. Like
20:36
where does he fit in? Where does the wizard fit
20:38
in? Does every ant hill have a singular wizard?
20:41
Yeah. You get a singular queen and one wizard.
20:43
That's just how it goes. Didn't you go to school?
20:47
Yeah, but I went to bad school. Yeah. They didn't
20:51
teach you ant magic. It's fucking bullshit. Okay.
20:54
Let's, I mean, we've broken down. The large swaths
20:59
of the story. Boy is bullied. Boy bullies. Boy
21:03
becomes aunt. It's a classic Animorphs story.
21:07
It is a classic Animorphs. Yeah, it kind of is.
21:09
OK, so there's Paul Giamatti. There's the exterminator.
21:13
I am confused by this because the parents go
21:15
off to. Their vacation and Paul Giamatti's character.
21:23
Stan. Stan. Stan Beals. Sees. sees a child and
21:29
then coerces a child into signing a contract
21:32
yeah sees a child bullying which is somehow going
21:35
to be legally helped by yeah and he's like i'm
21:37
gonna yeah get this kid to sign a contract that
21:39
says i can kill the ants in his yard i'm pretty
21:43
sure he could have just fucking done that i liked
21:46
the the shot of uh stan killing all the bugs
21:51
and everything and when like all the wasps and
21:53
stuff were around him he just like has that arcing
21:56
spray of like oh yeah dust and they all just
22:00
kind of die and drop i'm like damn this shit's
22:02
getting dark yeah intense you're like you don't
22:05
get to see the bugs and the death throws which
22:07
would have been better but this movie goes kind
22:10
of like weird kaiju boss battle at the end um
22:13
but even looks like looks like This is just like
22:18
a PS2 game of this movie. That's how bad this
22:21
looks like. There's no way this movie looks this
22:24
bad. This is a bad video game cut scene for this
22:28
movie. Yeah, I mean, they did make a game for
22:32
this, too. I can't even imagine. It's like you
22:37
must just be like collecting jelly beans and
22:39
shit the whole time. The sweet eating bug poop,
22:42
eating bug poop. Yeah. What do you think about
22:44
eating bug poop, Sean? That was funny. yeah yeah
22:47
there were a couple things about this that like
22:49
got me to actually chuckle like uh eating the
22:54
ant poop or caterpillar poop the fact that his
22:57
clothes didn't shrink with him so that like he
22:59
just wakes up naked yeah we don't have to see
23:03
it or anything but that was that was another
23:05
thing that i was like yeah that tracks i want
23:07
to say what really sold the bug poop scene was
23:11
bruce campbell just being like yum Yeah, the
23:13
hot and fresh. Oh, yeah. Get it while it's hot.
23:16
It was a great line. And well, when they flew
23:20
up Stan's pants. Quality. Yeah. Attacked his
23:24
Johnson. Yeah. Another weirdly grim moment speaking.
23:28
So you had like the bug sprayer, you know, they're
23:30
killing everything. Another grim moment was when
23:32
they were inside of the frog. So, yeah, Lucas
23:35
gets eaten by a frog. There's a couple other
23:37
bugs that are in there. This is when Nick Cage
23:40
tells him to be, you know, to go fuck off, basically.
23:42
And then so he gets eaten by the frog. Then Nick
23:44
Cage decides that he's going to be a hero and
23:46
he gets also eaten by the frog. But they're all
23:48
in there. And then there's a fly who's like,
23:50
oh, good. My buddy is here. And he picks up a
23:52
head and it's just a severed fucking head. Yeah.
23:57
Like, whoa. Cora did not pick up on that particular
24:00
moment. But I was like, that's pretty grisly.
24:02
Yeah, there are some slightly dark moments in
24:04
this. So the way they beat Stan at the end when
24:07
he's like killing all the bugs is they use the
24:09
same. They try to use the same serum on him that
24:12
turned Lucas into an ant. It doesn't apparently
24:17
work as well on adults because they just kind
24:21
of turn Stan into a weird dwarf. Yeah, he had
24:25
weird like chimpanzee proportions and like he
24:29
was lumpy and a weird pinhead. Yeah, I you know,
24:33
that could have just been because it was applied
24:35
by a stinger. So maybe it wasn't a full dose
24:38
or it didn't get into the ear canal either. Like
24:41
Lucas got it straight to the brain. But is that
24:43
just him now? Is that just how he lives? Yeah,
24:46
yeah. I think he's just a little horrible critter
24:49
now. Just like Paul Giamatti. Yeah, I'm kidding.
24:52
I love Paul Giamatti. That seems like a gross
24:55
like overreaction to a guy just doing his job.
24:58
Yeah, but he was a dick. So let's just turn him
25:03
into a weird munted mutant. Yeah, because he
25:07
was a dick. The lesson here, Sean, is don't be
25:10
a dick. Too late. Don't be a dick to ants. Don't
25:13
be a dick to children. There you go. But I hate
25:16
ants and children. Some child wizard is going
25:19
to turn you into a child. Oh, yeah. Take that.
25:23
I would hate that so much. I would laugh if you
25:27
were turned back into a child. full surly ass
25:31
sean just as is but child mode yeah i would be
25:36
able to get away with so much more shit though
25:38
what would be the worst age to get shrunk to
25:40
and what would be your optimal like child age
25:43
okay well do your like functions your uh do your
25:48
your your things still work yeah you're saying
25:51
you're wait what are your faculties like well
25:53
i don't know like your mental faculties are the
25:55
same yeah you know the things that i'm not currently
25:57
using to express this question right uh yeah
26:02
your mental faculties your mental faculties are
26:04
in in line you just are shrunken to a body of
26:07
a child okay so like hmm i think anything like
26:12
infant would be terrible awful because you don't
26:14
have like well are you would i still have like
26:19
my musculature or do i have a stupid soft baby
26:22
body soft baby body ew gross just a fucking weirdly
26:28
buff baby yeah that'd be cool we've all seen
26:31
little hercules come on man little buff boy little
26:35
buff boys yeah got you troll boy yeah i mean
26:40
infant would suck but like little rascals age
26:44
what are they like six you know yeah kindergarten
26:47
like if you could be like a real fucking rapscallion
26:50
with a like adult brain knowing how to really
26:54
fucking play the system yeah that'd be awesome
26:56
yeah but you would also have to be in like the
27:00
1900s oh so you could be a chimblee sweep oh
27:03
yeah nice yeah you could do lots of crime then
27:06
i forgot about chimblees yeah and just lower
27:10
me in there yeah i'll sweep your chimblee ma
27:12
'am It's like, what are all these tiny child
27:14
footprints for in our house? It's the ghosts.
27:19
Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah. You aren't
27:22
a good enough, I don't know, Protestant. Oh,
27:29
would I have the liver of a child, though? Because
27:31
I could use a new liver at this point. Yeah,
27:33
I think everything goes back, except your brain.
27:35
No, that doesn't make any sense. No, you've got
27:37
a really bad liver and you're seven years old.
27:39
Yeah, but you're not using it anyways. Like,
27:43
you're fine. Yeah, that's true. You can. No one's
27:46
serving you. Keep on with that little liver.
27:49
Every movie I've ever seen where someone gets
27:51
turned back into like a younger version of themselves.
27:55
The first thing they do is hit the fucking hit
27:58
the wet bar. Yeah. Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue. What
28:03
about Freaky Friday? I haven't seen that. I don't
28:05
think I've ever seen that either. Freakier Fridays
28:08
coming out. Yeah. I bet they hit the bar. That
28:11
one's got a grandma. You know she's gonna fuck.
28:14
She's gonna fuck. Grandma's fuck now. Yeah, grandma's
28:16
fuck now. That's what's happening. It's 2025,
28:19
grandma's fuck. That's our first t -shirt. It's
28:24
2025, grandma's fuck. Yeah. Welcome to the 21st
28:28
century. Grandma's be wet. I don't know. Why
28:34
do I talk? Jesus Christ. That's rough. I feel
28:38
like we should make an attempt to talk about
28:40
this movie, but I don't want to. I mean, we have
28:43
made an attempt. I think we've actually done
28:44
a decent job talking about this movie. I mean,
28:47
there isn't a ton to say about it. It's like
28:49
bad voice. Kids movies are very formulaic. There's
28:52
not anything that's really deep. Like Lucas's
28:54
path of growth is very rapid. You know, he's
28:57
a total shit bag. And then by the end of it,
28:59
he's learned a lesson. He's like, yay, friends
29:01
and teamwork. I like how they totally give up
29:04
on assigning him a role inside of the colony
29:06
after he just sucks at like everything labor
29:09
camp after he goes to fucking Ant Dachau non
29:15
climbing loser. Well, and again, like the whole
29:18
him being able to climb at the end is completely
29:21
like. Ruined ruins this film in terms of an actual
29:26
arc, because. The reason he didn't complete the
29:29
obstacle course in the beginning is because he
29:31
gave up when all the other ants were trying to
29:33
help him. That's true. Yeah. I'm thinking way
29:35
too hard about this movie. So, okay. The fact
29:40
that kids, it's a kid's movie, right? Like it's
29:43
a kid's movie in general. I did not enjoy this
29:45
movie, but Cora and I watched it yesterday and
29:48
Cora today was like, I want to watch Ant Bully
29:51
again. I was like. I was like, no, I don't have
29:54
it on my computer anymore. It's gone. Yeah, it's
29:58
gone forever. The P word doesn't have it anymore.
30:01
That's your child's favorite movie now. Yeah,
30:03
I did that. That's my doing. So, I mean, I'm
30:07
sure there are other like kids movies that we
30:09
all could kind of like latch on to when we were
30:12
younger. But I don't I don't remember what like
30:14
my horrible kids movie was that my parents were
30:17
like, fuck that movie. I do. And I watched it
30:21
last night. what what is it i remember what my
30:25
horrible kids movie was surf ninjas oh god yeah
30:29
okay fucking uh rob schneider does white face
30:33
schneider has really i mean he never was a good
30:36
actor he was never all that funny but like he's
30:39
turned into like a super mega douchebag too he's
30:42
one of those guys there weren't children's hospitals
30:45
when i was younger because kids weren't ever
30:46
sick it's like fuck you dude uh i just remember
30:51
when i was uh oh god this was maybe like three
30:54
years ago or something i threw on demolition
30:58
man and i was like oh yeah rob schneider's in
31:00
this and then the next day i threw on judge dread
31:03
and i was like oh fuck rob schneider's in this
31:05
too yeah it was weird and then you put on the
31:08
water boy and it was like whoa well that i mean
31:10
everybody knows of course if it's a sandler there's
31:13
a schneider yeah tale as old as time oh god do
31:19
you remember uh when we used to run and we talked
31:20
about the schneider cut oh yeah well god was
31:24
it the animal like the animal hot chick like
31:28
you take all the schneider movies and like fucking
31:30
avengers them up this is a horrible idea i know
31:35
he's probably on cameo we could probably get
31:38
him to do it probably But I mean, that requires
31:42
giving him money. That's true. I don't want to
31:44
do that. Yeah, I'd rather give Evan Stone money.
31:47
Maybe he could do the Schneider cut. He could.
31:49
Yeah. Yeah. Probably dick related, but. We can
31:53
call up Allison Mack, see what she wants to do
31:55
in her life. Oh, yeah. I looked earlier at her
31:58
Wikipedia page because I was curious about that
32:00
whole like cult thing she was in. Not a ton of
32:02
information there, but my favorite fun fact was
32:04
that in 2025, she got married to somebody named
32:07
Frank. Frank Mack? Just Frank. No, I don't know.
32:11
So it's spouse like the cult leader spouse. Frank.
32:16
Thanks. I want to I want to read some IMDb reviews
32:19
for you guys just so we can have content for
32:21
this. My favorite one. Well, I mean, that sounds
32:26
like it was written by Adam. It does. And then
32:29
ant theme should be retired. That's just hating
32:33
on ants and bugs life. Yeah, that's how you're
32:36
going to end up shrunk. dude yeah watch your
32:39
words get shrunky dunked shrinky danked shrinky
32:43
dank this was the first warner brothers animated
32:46
movie released in imax 3d there were some like
32:49
especially when he's getting thrown around the
32:51
colony when he first gets shrinky danked when
32:53
he's going down like the slide that is his like
32:55
bed sheets yeah i could see i was like this was
32:58
in three day yeah there were definitely some
33:00
times where it felt like that was the intention
33:02
i always forget about 3d so Whenever one of these
33:07
movies comes up, I'm like, oh, this is weirdly
33:08
shot. Never even consider that it was for 3D.
33:11
Yeah. Like unless something's intentionally like
33:14
whipping out towards the screen. I don't think
33:17
about it as a 3D film. Like the axe going in.
33:20
Yeah. Yeah. That sort of thing. Yeah. I mean,
33:22
like Stan's balls flying back and forth. Right.
33:27
Over the audience's heads. Can you imagine if
33:30
somebody shot a porno for 3D and like. Before
33:35
the whole VR craze and everything like that,
33:37
just watching 3D porno in a 3D adult movie theater.
33:43
I guarantee that this has happened. Oh, I'm sure.
33:45
What film would they have picked? All right.
33:51
The only other thing I can think of on this movie.
33:54
I wanted Grandma. So Grandma's a weird alien
33:57
conspiracy atheist. Nailed it. Yeah, got it.
34:04
First time, best time. I wanted more of that.
34:07
I wanted to know more about what was going on
34:09
there. I just like that airflow is the bane of
34:13
aliens. Yeah, that was an interesting angle.
34:16
Yeah, I mean, it's obviously just there to put
34:18
the fans in the living room for the like floating
34:21
pedal scene. But all right. So I just sent you
34:24
a text of the bullies from the ant bully. Oh,
34:28
these guys were terrifying. Who was your favorite?
34:31
Who is your favorite bully? Who's repping you?
34:36
Oh, you mean the kids that all get, like, made
34:39
fun of? Yeah. So not the bullies, but the bullies.
34:42
Yeah, I mean, they bully along with the main
34:44
bully until he stops being the bully, and then
34:46
they become cool again. Yeah. Let's see. Fucking
34:49
helmet kid. I mean, beanie kid's pretty cool.
34:52
Yeah, I pegged you as beanie kid. Oh, you pegged
34:55
me? Yeah, I did. You picked helmet child? Yeah.
34:59
I think a weird gangly tall girl. I'm not tall
35:02
enough to be the girl. Yeah, that resonated with
35:05
me. She looks like a used car salesman. Why is
35:09
Lucas able to see shit? Without his glasses.
35:12
I don't know, because his eyes shrunk. So here's
35:15
another thing that fucking pissed me off. How
35:18
weird is it that like when he was in like battle
35:21
mode, he's got those goggles made out of like
35:24
fly eyes. Yeah, right. And like nobody questions
35:27
it or says, whoa, dude, you're wearing Steve's
35:30
eyes for like protection. I knew that guy. He
35:33
came to my potluck. Fucking not cool, man. I
35:36
don't know. That was weird. That was weird. That
35:39
is super fucking weird about this movie. This
35:41
movie more than most made me mostly because I
35:43
wasn't engaged at all. So I had time for just
35:46
free roaming thoughts. Why is it that only bugs
35:49
and it's fucking you're telling me it's why I
35:52
went to art college. Why is it only that bugs
35:54
and humans have the capability for language,
35:56
but frogs are just fucking dumb frogs? Because
35:59
frogs suck. Everyone hates frogs. Known fact.
36:02
So I also like how he got the idea for hang gliding.
36:05
There's a whole hang gliding scene in this movie
36:07
for them to get across a shag carpet. using grandma's
36:10
fans so you know they built that up um but he
36:13
gets the idea from his video game about hang
36:16
gliding frogs but in that video game the point
36:18
is to smash the frogs yeah that game seems like
36:21
it sucked shit too yeah oh but you know in the
36:24
end he grows up to be big again um and then his
36:29
bully um what was his police name honestly i
36:32
don't remember yeah he does give a mean wedgie
36:36
though yeah He got that clean break. He gets
36:41
the bully's entourage to turn against the bully
36:43
because the bully's like, you know, they'll do
36:46
what I say. You know, I'll beat you all up. And
36:48
then they're like, wait, there's more of us.
36:50
We're like ants. Mm hmm. And then they. So let's
36:54
do the classic ant move. Dog pile. Yeah. Yep.
36:58
Tear him apart and eat him. And eat him. Yeah.
37:01
Yeah. I wish they would have just. Get his sweet
37:03
rocks. Yeah. You. Well, OK, so let's let's get
37:10
it back on track. Sean, you've done a noble job.
37:15
No, you've actually done a noble job trying to
37:19
keep it on track in terms of this movie, but
37:21
I don't think I've got anything else to say.
37:22
I could really care less if we had talked about
37:24
this movie, even for like an instant, like, or
37:29
I guess I couldn't have cared less. I don't know.
37:30
However, that thing, it's really a lame overall
37:34
animated movie. It's a lame performance from
37:36
Nick Cage. He gave us more as fucking Kronk or
37:40
whatever in the Croods. Sure. Croods 2. I love
37:45
Croods 2. Excuse me. Croods 2. Yeah, we don't
37:47
know anything about Croods 1 yet. And in Spider
37:50
-Verse, like he's playing a different role, but
37:52
he's great as, you know, Spider -Noir. Yeah,
37:54
he can do voice acting. I have thoughts about
37:58
it. I like I think for Spider -Man Noir or for
38:01
Into the Spider -Verse. I always felt like he
38:04
always feels like he's too far away from the
38:05
microphone or that he's actually speaking through
38:08
a mask through like fabric. He probably was.
38:11
Yeah. Like he's just dressed like it in the studio.
38:14
I'm sure no one asked him to. That also seems
38:18
accurate. But yeah. OK, so like where would you
38:21
put his performance in this? You know, bad. Yeah,
38:25
it was the. One of the better of the voice performances
38:28
in this movie and this movie was full of terrible
38:32
voice performances. Yeah, like nobody was really
38:35
great except Paul Giamatti. It's just it's it's
38:39
one of the few times I think we've ever just
38:41
heard Nicolas Cage's voice. He really doesn't
38:44
put anything into it. Yeah, it wasn't like the
38:48
mole. Oh, yeah. Speckles. Yeah, speckles. It's
38:52
not even that he's doing a voice. There's no
38:53
like affectation. There's no. emotion it's just
38:57
very monotone throughout and which i feel is
39:01
hard for nicholas cage to do like his voice just
39:04
increases at random intervals yeah he probably
39:09
wasn't recording in studio with a bunch of people
39:12
so like no chance when he's got nothing around
39:15
him i can see him just not rising up to his normal
39:21
level yeah did you watch the newer teenage mutant
39:23
ninja turtles movie yeah uh because one of the
39:26
things that i was reading about that is like
39:28
they were very adamant about doing recordings
39:30
in the studio with each other at the same time
39:32
which i mean that's mostly recorded by like 12
39:35
year olds or something yeah there's a bunch of
39:36
kids but they had like a really good time and
39:38
i think that that came across in that movie that
39:41
they're like having fun and playing off of each
39:43
other versus something like this which is like
39:44
these are buckets you know it's just buckets
39:46
of voices and it doesn't work I was really excited
39:51
when I saw that there was going to be a trailer
39:52
for a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thing,
39:54
but it's a short that went ahead of something
39:56
else that I didn't want to say. Yeah, they're
40:00
doing, what was it? They're doing like, they
40:04
go to New Jersey. Yeah, it was just like a holiday
40:08
thing or something like that. It's got like a
40:11
specific bend, but yeah, it's just a short and
40:13
it kind of ties in around like the whole. uh
40:21
tv show the tales of the tmnt and kind of leads
40:24
up into the next uh mutant mayhem movie oh nice
40:28
is that happening have i just not been paying
40:31
attention yeah yeah i would assume i hope so
40:35
because the first one was great yeah i liked
40:37
it i liked the art style in it it was real fun
40:40
watch that yeah go watch that instead of this
40:42
or don't watch this porn all right any final
40:47
thoughts sean Actually, I think you just said
40:51
it. Yeah. Never mind. Basically, I'm taking this
40:55
part out. I think you guys both just gave your
40:57
final thoughts. My final thought is if I was
41:00
an anamorph, I would be. A skunk. OK. Yeah. What
41:09
would you anamorph into? I mean, skunk's actually
41:12
a pretty good answer. I like to fart. I get it.
41:18
Yeah. Yeah. I'd say possum. Yeah. Okay. Opposable
41:23
thumbs, semi -brantle tail, pocket. I feel like
41:27
I've got sort of a sly shit bag quality to me.
41:34
So I'm going to go with a fox. Yeah. Maybe if
41:37
I wasn't a skunk, I would be a tanuki. Ooh, okay.
41:41
Yeah, and then I could fly around on my ball
41:42
sack. Yeah. All right. Well, obviously that's
41:46
what everyone came here for, the good content.
41:48
Yep. That's sweet, sweet content. So next up,
41:52
much to Sean's chagrin, we have Grindhouse, which
41:56
has literally only a Nick Cage laugh and cameo.
42:02
That's not even either. I'm not. No, we're not.
42:04
I'm not doing this again. It's a part of the
42:06
whole thing. It's a part of the whole thing.
42:08
We're doing the whole thing. We're doing the
42:10
whole thing. We're watching both movies. We got
42:13
three hours to watch. We're going to talk about
42:15
them. And then we'll John. Yeah. And we'll each
42:19
do our best impression of the laugh. I like that.
42:22
That sounds fun. Thank you to our listeners.
42:25
Thanks for hanging out with us. Thanks to our
42:27
sparkle buddies, Josh, Josie, Matt, Adam, Bill,
42:29
Stuart and Willow. And to our cage dancers, John
42:32
Freeman, Nathan and Cameron. And to Bill, thanks
42:35
for our intro music. So come back next time to
42:39
hear Sean hate on two movies and love one dumb
42:43
trailer. Maybe. Yeah. It'll be great. We can
42:47
talk about Quentin Tarantino's foot fetish. I
42:50
love it. At least we've got a direct tie into
42:53
porno on this one. Yeah, you're right. We've
42:56
talked about piss multiple times. Well, yeah,
42:58
but I mean, God damn it. Okay. Night night, bye
43:03
bye. Perfect. Thank you, honey. Bye bye. Do you
43:16
want to sing anything before you go? Can you...
43:19
Mommy, can you put the Frozen 2 song on so I
43:23
can sing it to Nick? That one's just called Into
43:26
the Unknown. Oh, okay. Is that right? I don't
43:29
know. Yeah, Into the Unknown. Into the Unknown.
43:33
Into the Unknown. Is this it? Yeah, you like
43:41
this one. Can you sing it into the microphone?
43:45
I don't know how to do that. You don't have to
43:49
do the oh part. You're crushing it, though. I've
44:19
got a voice, which is ringing in my ear. And
44:23
if I hurt you, you don't. But I fear everyone.
44:29
I never looked to see what it was. I'm sorry
44:33
I stayed so careful about blocking out your calls.
44:37
I've had my fair share. It's always something
44:41
new. I don't know why I wish to follow you and
44:46
be alone. Okay, that's perfect, honey. Thank
45:07
you. Oh, you gotta save some for next time, right?
45:12
Yeah, we're gonna do more later. This was great,
45:14
though, honey. I'm sorry.