Latest / Questionable Detour / Becoming the wife of the house, belittling a father and robbing a bank as penguin people.

Transcript

Becoming the wife of the house, belittling a father and robbing a bank as penguin people. · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:23
So it said that you shouldn't try to understand how the sausage is made, right?
0:28
You don't want to see behind the curtain. Don't look at the man behind the curtain, as they say.
0:32
We have a um, a Saturday worker here named Greg. He wrote in and he wanted exactly...
0:37
Hold on, Zach, you need, you should probably explain Saturday workers.
0:41
Yeah, uh simply that's just what we're gonna call the people that decide to waste time with us out of their week.
0:47
Y'all right now, Saturday workers...
0:49
Strap on your hard hats.
0:50
Set your alarms.
0:52
Collect your lunch pails.
0:53
But this Saturday worker, Greg, wanted to know how the sausage is made and it wasn't really a hypothetical or a an advice question.
0:59
But he basically said, I'm Greg, my friend showed me your podcast and I just started listening.
1:04
What I want to know is how the heck you guys come up with what you talk about.
1:08
It's obviously not scripted and I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
1:14
But you guys are really funny. So however you guys do it, it's working.
1:18
So if you want to explain to Greg maybe, maybe how, what happens here?
1:22
How does somebody bottle genius?
1:26
It's tough.
1:27
Gregory.
1:28
It's tough.
1:28
Gregory, if I can call you that.
1:31
Have you ever heard of a little mental illness called schizophrenia?
1:36
Well, when you hear as many voices as we do, it's easy.
1:39
You just pick and choose what they say and you just say that into the mic.
1:42
That's Evan's tactic.
1:43
That's good. That's good.
1:45
Having a brain that doesn't quite work.
1:48
How do you strike your genius, Alan?
1:51
I run a light sweatshop and they all...
1:56
No, you make lights in the sweatshop?
1:57
We make lights, but also they write all my material for me ahead of time.
2:02
Got you. It's just like a big room of sweaty Asian people on a typewriter.
2:06
They don't have to be Asian. Just as long as they sweat.
2:09
You're about equal rights.
2:10
Yes. Yes. We're not, we do not discriminate here. I can't stress that enough.
2:15
Tell us the demographic of all the people we've had on this podcast,
2:19
which leaves me in Perry's here also.
2:21
And for people that don't know Perry, he is an African American male.
2:24
Large black man.
2:25
Large black man. Six, five, probably about 320.
2:29
So we cover all demographics.
2:31
We had a woman on here one time.
2:32
We did have a woman on here one time. She was white though.
2:35
Weirdly enough, she hasn't been back.
2:38
For me though, if I were to answer your question, Greg, how do I come up with the stuff I say?
2:43
I don't know if I have an answer for that other than I have a God given talent.
2:47
God gives people talents and God gives people gifts
2:50
that they can use throughout their lives.
2:52
And this is just how I've decided to use my talent.
2:55
So maybe pray hard and you can get it, but that's how I do it.
3:00
And if you're praying hard and it's not working,
3:02
throw a little money towards the church.
3:06
If you throw money towards the church, God will look better at you.
3:09
Sometimes Evan's confused that a church might be a strip club.
3:13
Yeah. We've been meaning to talk to you about that.
3:15
You wear some really bad things to church.
3:17
You should not dress like that coming to church.
3:20
Not enough dancing for me either.
3:22
The music was there, but the dancing was off.
3:24
Was the music really there though?
3:27
You know, in like an acoustic way.
3:31
They say the best strip clubs have an acoustic theme though.
3:36
Little Americana.
3:38
I think it goes into strip clubs that played mostly John Mayer and Ed Sheeran.
3:42
Just like very kind of slow dancing.
3:44
Where everybody is more intimate.
3:46
Mailing in their feels.
3:49
It's just a bunch of crying dudes.
3:51
Just sad boys all around.
3:53
The patrons or the employees?
3:55
Both, I would say. I'd say everybody.
3:58
He's in his feels.
4:00
Would you mind singing us a couple bars of D&B?
4:04
If it came on.
4:05
Chicken Fried? No, Chicken Fried's is Zach Brown.
4:08
It's Zach Brown.
4:09
Too many wide names.
4:10
If you're in a strip club that plays a Zach Brown band, you need to get out of there.
4:16
Because those women have cankles.
4:22
Not the top class women.
4:23
Their homes can move.
4:28
Or has wheels on them.
4:31
But yeah, there you go Greg.
4:33
I don't know if that answered your question.
4:34
Schizophrenia.
4:36
A God-given talent.
4:37
And Alan has a sweatshop full of more than just Asian people.
4:44
I can't stress it enough.
4:46
Tipped tapping away on a typewriter.
4:51
Perry's here, welcome.
4:53
This is what, your third time back?
4:56
Second time back.
4:56
Third time on the podcast.
4:58
Anyway, welcome back Perry.
5:01
Let's do hypothetical.
5:02
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
5:07
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
5:10
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
5:13
Hello guys, I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents this weekend.
5:16
I'm super nervous.
5:18
What do you guys think I should do to impress them?
5:20
I definitely don't want to do anything you tell me because you guys are insane, lol.
5:25
But would love to hear your thoughts.
5:26
Anyways, you guys are my favorite podcast right now.
5:29
Thanks, Timothy.
5:32
You think when he said right now, was that a threat?
5:36
Give me a good answer or I might not be tuning in?
5:39
One slip up and Timothy's skating.
5:42
No pressure on us though, we don't want to lose Timothy.
5:44
Timothy is probably the cornerstone of what makes us us.
5:48
It's pure Saturday worker.
5:49
What do you guys think Timothy does on a Saturday?
5:52
I'm sure he's into landscaping.
5:54
He's probably waking up about 4.30 in the morning.
5:56
That alarm goes off, puts out a cigarette because he slept with the cigarette lit.
5:59
Probably still got a buzz from last night.
6:01
That's a big ol' lipper.
6:03
That's right, little lipsnack for Tim.
6:06
He might be wearing one boot, one work boot, the other one fell off.
6:09
So he's just kind of sleeping in one work boot, I'm thinking.
6:12
Which makes it easier for him since he's waking up so early.
6:15
Yeah, because he had to go down to Napa and get a spark plug for his lawnmower.
6:23
Yeah, and I'm sure Timothy wakes up and he looks at his wife still in bed and shakes
6:28
his head and goes, you know, you got work a day in your life.
6:32
I think Timothy looks at his hands and he goes, my hands look like this so that she
6:38
can look like that.
6:40
His wife is over there looking like a melted puddle.
6:48
Mouth open.
6:50
He's not married, we just talked about this.
6:52
Listen, I don't know if Timothy exactly adheres to the societal terms of marriage.
6:57
So it's probably a common law marriage.
7:03
He's just not meeting her parents?
7:04
Is that a common law marriage?
7:07
Probably for him, that's his parents too.
7:08
Maybe he's already got a wife and he's just courting another girl.
7:12
He's finally meeting her parents.
7:13
He's a backup, you know.
7:14
He's got Mike Hapsome games.
7:16
He's got a little bit of a
7:17
little bit of a
7:18
little bit of a
7:19
little bit of a
7:20
little bit of a backup.
7:22
He's got Mike Hapsome game.
7:24
I think we lost him as a listener.
7:26
We said one slip up and we made at least three there.
7:30
Yeah, we fell down the mountain.
7:33
But anyway, Timothy, man, that's a big deal.
7:35
It's a big deal meeting your significant other's parents.
7:38
We're all, all four of us are married here.
7:40
So we have had to go through that.
7:42
But anyway, guys, how did y'all go about meeting your significant other's parents?
7:47
And what's the best way of getting her parents to like you as a person?
7:52
Yeah, so I think one thing we have to acknowledge is that being a parent's tough.
7:58
I think we can all as three guys that aren't parents, you can relate to that.
8:01
And something I want to do for those parents of the significant other is
8:06
take some of the burden off of life and being a parent and worrying about your kids.
8:10
So first thing I do when I walk in, I'm hugging the mom.
8:14
And as I hug her, I
8:15
How long do you hug her for?
8:16
A little, just two seconds too long.
8:20
Enough to make the dad think that might be weird, but I'm not sure.
8:24
Enough to make yourself question it.
8:26
And you're like, should I, should I let go now?
8:28
Or I don't question it.
8:29
Okay.
8:31
As I, as two seconds too short.
8:36
So as I hug her, I stare at the dad right in the eyes.
8:40
Because I'm trying to take the burden of love out of his life.
8:43
That's a big burden.
8:44
There it is.
8:45
Yeah.
8:46
After that, I'm, I take the mother and I give her a good old wet smooch.
8:50
Oh, can I ask where?
8:53
You know where.
8:54
Right on her face lips.
8:56
Oh my god.
8:57
Thank you for specifying.
8:58
Yeah.
8:59
The face lips is a fun way describing, describing that.
9:03
How long is the kiss?
9:04
Three seconds.
9:04
I don't know.
9:06
Just tongue.
9:07
Yeah.
9:09
It's just tongue though.
9:10
Like your lips never actually contact her lips.
9:12
It's just kind of like a, it's like two snakes trying to figure each other out.
9:16
Yeah.
9:17
It's like a monitor lizard for food.
9:20
I'm trying to get a temperature there.
9:28
You brought home a lizard person.
9:33
Yeah.
9:33
Okay.
9:34
So I continue down this road of, uh, this wife of his is now becoming mine.
9:38
Yeah.
9:39
Um, because I just want him to have a day a week, a year of life off from having to
9:44
carry the love of somebody else along.
9:47
Do you explain your tactic here or is it just kind of for him to figure out?
9:51
He knows.
9:52
He knows when I walk in, a little eyes are a little larger than they should be.
9:56
I'm staring him right in the eyes.
9:58
As I hug her, I'm still staring right at him.
10:01
And, and then I just kind of give him that little nod and he's like, oh,
10:05
He grabs his golf clubs.
10:07
Yeah.
10:07
He goes, thanks partner.
10:10
You gotta go.
10:12
He grabs his, uh, his keys off the gone fishing hook.
10:15
That's all right.
10:17
He's got a pack of Miller in the, in the cooler.
10:20
He pulls out that bucket hat from out of nowhere.
10:22
With all the fishing lures on it.
10:24
So he's not upset about this at all.
10:26
Oh, no, no.
10:26
Oh, wow.
10:28
Now what's now your significant other, uh, in this situation, what is her
10:32
response to this approach to her mother?
10:35
She, uh, she's been prepped before as we're driving over, I lock all the doors
10:39
and I tell her, this is what's going to happen.
10:41
Yeah.
10:41
And when we get out, I, uh, handcuff her to me so she can't run away.
10:44
Yeah, sure.
10:45
And now she's in this scenario.
10:47
She can't leave.
10:48
If she tries to leave, it looks bad on her.
10:50
Right.
10:51
And if she tries to back out, it makes me look bad, which I don't like.
10:54
And so she's going to follow the rules.
10:56
So I've, I've seen how you go about handcuff.
10:58
You handcuff ankles, your ankles, handcuff to her ankle.
11:01
Cause I think the common way to handcuff yourself to somebody,
11:05
if there's a common way to do that is a handcuff wrist, but you kind of go
11:09
like chain gang style where you're kind of dragging her, dragging her lower,
11:13
yeah, lower body along with you.
11:15
Yeah.
11:16
My right hip muscle is just massive.
11:19
Oh, okay.
11:19
She stays on your, she stays handcuffed to you.
11:22
You know, those abductors that you do it that just work the inside
11:25
and the outside of your head.
11:27
Yeah.
11:28
Well, as three bodybuilders, we understand that.
11:30
Yeah.
11:30
We understand.
11:31
We understand that exercise.
11:32
Well built men.
11:33
Yeah.
11:33
Adonisism nature.
11:37
Well, how long does the relationship with the mother go before you kind of,
11:41
you kind of give that up?
11:42
Is it just, you take-
11:43
I've never had a mother that wanted to back out.
11:45
Okay.
11:46
I'll put it that way.
11:47
Now when I break up, you know, I guess it's awkward because I got a new mother
11:50
coming in from another relationship.
11:51
So it lasts as long as the relationship to the significant other lasts.
11:55
So you got to do two breakups then.
11:57
You do it one time maybe.
11:58
I one time.
11:58
Yeah, exactly.
11:59
Maybe at like a conference table.
12:01
Like the Trump show or is it Ifayet?
12:03
Ifayet.
12:05
Do you get on teams and just talk to them both about it at the same time?
12:09
On teams, yeah.
12:10
Yeah.
12:10
Good morning, Interpreter.
12:13
So she's still cuffed to your ankle at the point that you're breaking up with her too.
12:16
She is, yeah.
12:17
So is there like a ceremonial like-
12:19
How many women do you have cuffed to your ankle at any given time?
12:22
Do you get rid of the cuff?
12:23
Are they all cuffed to your leg or is it daisy chained woman to woman?
12:27
Yeah, it's chain linked.
12:29
Yeah.
12:29
And like imagine I'm going into Kroger.
12:31
Yeah.
12:32
It takes me five minutes to get my whole convoy.
12:35
Yeah, your convoy of women.
12:36
Yeah.
12:37
Filing in.
12:38
And they're breaking rocks up along the highway.
12:40
Oh, yeah.
12:41
A lot of manual labor.
12:43
That's just because they're bored.
12:44
They've broken up with her.
12:45
They're like, we got to figure out something to do.
12:47
I lose the key every time I handcuff them.
12:50
But yeah, there you go.
12:52
Do you tell the dad, do you tell the dad once you're broken up with his women?
12:56
Like to come back into his life?
12:58
Yeah, I don't know.
12:59
I don't think the mom usually just doesn't, you know, she didn't look at him the same way.
13:03
Yeah.
13:03
When you've come from prime steak, you don't want to have that dirty old nasty.
13:08
Have a growl beef.
13:09
Yeah.
13:10
Once you had prime cut, you're not going back to grow beef.
13:13
That makes sense.
13:13
That's good.
13:14
Well, there you go.
13:15
Timothy, you know, hit on the mother.
13:18
Take your significant other's father's place in life to give him a break.
13:23
Don't break eye contact.
13:24
Don't break.
13:25
Very important.
13:25
Don't break eye contact.
13:27
Don't blink.
13:27
That's good.
13:28
That's good advice for Timothy.
13:29
All right.
13:30
Who's next?
13:31
Who wants to give?
13:32
So my idea is kind of similar to Perry's.
13:35
I want you to take on the dad role.
13:37
I want you to go in that house, but you don't do this to help the dad out.
13:41
You do this to put him in his place.
13:43
I want you to go in that house, immediately find something that's crooked and say,
13:46
oh, that could be fixed.
13:48
Pull out your tools, go over there and fix it.
13:50
Emasculate that dad.
13:53
Is that a shelf not level?
13:55
Yeah, it looks a little bit off.
13:57
Break out your level and fix it right there.
13:59
You have.
13:59
And it's not one of those tiny levels.
14:01
It's a full size level.
14:02
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:02
It's like a full life.
14:04
You pull that out of your pants.
14:05
It's running down your leg.
14:08
You're walking into one leg that bend because of that thing.
14:13
You need to be like a building inspector in there.
14:16
And not the kind that doesn't care about his job.
14:18
I'm talking about that annoying guy that's going to find something no matter what.
14:23
Get in there.
14:24
Make that dad basically sit in a corner.
14:26
You know, tail tuck between his legs, just disappointed in the way that he's been going
14:30
about his his home care.
14:32
You walk in and you're like, man, grass is looking a little high.
14:34
What's looking a little high?
14:35
Yeah, yeah.
14:37
You kind of you kind of say, walk, walk past your truck.
14:40
Tires a little low.
14:41
You mean to air that up?
14:44
But you don't use an air compressor for that.
14:45
Oh, no, you get down there like you're making.
14:50
Animal balloons.
14:54
You want to talk about a power move?
14:56
If you could blow up a car tire just on the lungs alone.
14:59
I thought you were going to say a power move is to make them balloon animals.
15:02
I was going to be like, that would be great, too.
15:05
When does that come into play for you?
15:06
I would say like if I if we've got to move something heavy and make a couple of balloon
15:11
mules.
15:11
OK, yeah.
15:12
And sort of sort of puppeteer them like I'm like they're pulling the heavy object behind them.
15:21
And that makes you more masculine.
15:22
It does.
15:23
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:23
I think I feel like masculinity is just being a jack of all trades,
15:26
and that should include the ability to make balloon animals.
15:28
Yeah, I think so.
15:29
I think so.
15:30
Well, then if the dad is too good, just go after the mom.
15:33
Those dishes looking dirty.
15:34
Oh, dishes sinks kind of full.
15:37
That's I can see them overflowing out of the sink.
15:40
Let me get in.
15:40
Let me get in there.
15:41
Put on my apron and do that.
15:43
I drop my tool belt.
15:44
I immediately become just the woman of the house.
15:49
Wash all those dishes.
15:50
Stuff's on the floor.
15:51
Sweep it up.
15:51
Mop that thing.
15:52
Now, when you say you become the woman of the house, how far does that go?
15:55
Is it just the cleaning duties?
15:56
There's a wardrobe change for sure.
15:59
It's an apron, as I mentioned.
16:01
It is only an apron.
16:02
Oh, OK, yeah.
16:03
And a wig.
16:04
And a wig, yeah.
16:05
You're like a Mrs. Doubtfire type woman.
16:08
Mrs. I think Mrs. Doubtfire, but hot.
16:13
You mean temperature, like you're sweating.
16:15
Yes, I am.
16:16
I am just that's why I'm only wearing an apron because
16:19
I'm trying to be modest, but I'm also burning up.
16:23
Like you have yellow fever.
16:24
Yes, like I'm ill.
16:29
I feel absolutely terrible when I'm going to do these dishes.
16:35
You should have been laid up in bed for the past week.
16:38
Yeah.
16:38
And you're in here like toiling.
16:40
You look like they should call the priest for last rites.
16:43
Yeah, yeah.
16:44
Like he's going to die.
16:45
He's going to die at any moment.
16:47
Death.
16:47
Death follows him wherever he goes.
16:49
I don't know where any of this is going.
16:51
I don't think it's supposed to go anywhere.
16:55
Yeah, so you just kind of take on the role.
16:57
Whoever's the weakest link in the house, you take on the role.
17:01
That's pretty much what it is.
17:03
Bad dad, I'll do that job.
17:05
Sorry, mom, I'll take it over.
17:07
Don't worry about it.
17:09
My job is basically to make either one of them feel really bad.
17:14
Then I just take over their role.
17:16
I just show them how it's done.
17:17
My significant other is going to look up to me.
17:20
It's only because you date midgets.
17:21
I have a height requirement.
17:24
This is not an amusement park ride.
17:28
You have a max on a min.
17:30
Yeah, that's what it sounded like.
17:32
A maximum height.
17:34
They're required to be under us.
17:35
That's yeah, they're required to be under it.
17:38
The level has a little measuring spot on it.
17:41
If you can walk under this, you're good.
17:43
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:44
My question is, the original question was how do you get the parents to like you?
17:49
And this just does seem like the parents would hate you after this, right?
17:53
Not exactly because the wife will like you.
17:57
If you're doing the husbandly duties, if you're doing the womanly duties, the husband will like you.
18:03
Okay, so you're only getting one at a time.
18:05
There's no way to be able to do both.
18:07
Well, let me give you the benefit of the doubt here.
18:10
I feel like as you break down either one of the parents, eventually their self-esteem will be so cracked,
18:16
that they look at you like a parent figure.
18:20
You walk in there and you start pointing out cracks in the foundation of the house,
18:25
and you do that enough, the dad's eventually just going to look to you as the leader and patriarchal figure.
18:31
Yeah, when that happens, it makes it kind of weird for everybody.
18:35
I become the dad.
18:36
I have to break up with my significant other.
18:39
She stays the daughter.
18:40
The dad becomes the dog.
18:44
The dad becomes the dog.
18:45
There's so many levels.
18:49
It's an intricate ecosystem, Perry.
18:52
There's a flow.
18:53
There's a flow to the way the situation goes.
18:58
The wife still stays the wife as long as she's good.
19:01
If I'm taking over the wife's role, the wife then becomes the cat.
19:04
She doesn't become the dog because all cats are girls and all dogs are boys.
19:08
Yeah, classic.
19:08
Now, what happens if at first you take over the dad's role,
19:12
then the wife lowers her standards for how clean she keeps things,
19:16
and then she becomes the weak link?
19:18
Do you re-promote the dad and then the mom becomes the cat and you become the mom?
19:22
I promote the dad to lady down the street, and I start talking to her a lot.
19:27
And then the mom is like, I've got to be better.
19:31
I see the error of my ways.
19:33
Let me cook you dinner.
19:34
Promote competition.
19:35
Yeah.
19:36
Yeah. How often has this worked for you?
19:38
How often have you gone through this very complicated method?
19:41
Strangely enough, never.
19:42
Okay. So it's all theoretical.
19:44
It's this, yeah, very, very theoretical dating is kind of what I did sort of a lot of.
19:52
Well, I can do those situations in your head.
19:54
But what can you do?
19:55
He's got at least three books.
19:58
That's good.
19:59
There you go, Timothy.
20:00
Another side of the coin there is...
20:02
Give it a go, you know?
20:03
Yeah, break down the parents, become the parents and gain their respect that way.
20:08
For me and how I would approach a significant other and her parents,
20:13
I also targeted the dad.
20:15
And I think the dad is the cornerstone of the family.
20:16
So it's kind of natural that all our answers tend to target him.
20:20
I would come in as vulnerable as possible.
20:23
I think humility is a good way to approach this situation.
20:26
You want to see somebody that is confident but humble.
20:30
I say go up to dad and call him dad immediately.
20:32
The moment you meet him, call him dad.
20:34
I go up to dad and immediately start oversharing all your deepest, darkest secrets,
20:39
feelings, physical issues.
20:41
So when you walk in there, you shake his hand and you just, you nervously say,
20:45
I'm sorry, my hands are so sweaty.
20:46
Then he goes, have a seat.
20:48
You go, I can't, I have hemorrhoids.
20:51
And just start oversharing everything.
20:54
Tell him you have an erection.
20:56
That's okay.
20:56
Do you actually or?
20:58
What?
20:59
Maybe.
20:59
Listen, I never said you had to be honest about your...
21:02
I feel like that's a great way to get kicked out of his house.
21:05
Yeah.
21:05
Sounds like you just go in there and just say things.
21:08
See, but see, this is why this has always worked on me because I go in there vulnerable.
21:12
I go in there showing all of my weaknesses.
21:16
I go in there saying, look, I'm not trying to be the power at being in this house.
21:20
You are the leader and...
21:22
But if you go in there fully torqued, is that not showing that you're the leader?
21:28
I guess it depends on his response.
21:37
What does the dad usually respond with when he sees old Jimmy down yonder?
21:47
Like two rhinos going at it at that point?
21:49
Or he says if you... he will often say, you add a cloth to that thing, you'll sell away.
22:02
Where's the line?
22:07
I could definitely overshare about how poor I am
22:10
and just the breaking amount of bankruptcy I'm under.
22:15
A lot of bad investments.
22:16
Yeah.
22:17
It all stonks down.
22:19
There's nothing like going in shaking his hand and going, I'm $300,000 in debt.
22:23
Yeah, give me your daughter.
22:27
I'm obviously good at investing.
22:30
You can trust me.
22:32
He go in there, shake his hand and be like, T-shirts, material is kind of rough on my nipples
22:36
and just kind of look them in the eye and say that.
22:38
So like, how often do you chafe and wear?
22:40
I have a chart of your daughter's menstrual cycle.
22:44
She's two days away.
22:45
And it corresponds with your wife's weirdly.
22:47
Yeah.
22:49
I wanted to know if we could compare notes.
22:51
I know you have it.
22:54
I'll go to him and say, just wonder how you keep a job because honestly, I can't do it.
22:58
I keep getting fired.
23:00
Terrible work ethic.
23:02
How do we improve that?
23:03
How long is too long for being unemployed?
23:05
I don't know.
23:06
I don't know.
23:07
How do we improve that?
23:11
I'm thinking about just doing a solely Twitch.
23:16
I don't think the nine to five is for me.
23:21
I don't have a following yet.
23:24
Have you ever heard of a pyramid scheme?
23:26
What do you think about those?
23:27
I think I might be joining one of those.
23:29
Or you try to sell him on the pyramid scheme.
23:30
Yeah.
23:31
You walk in there and you have it.
23:33
Have you ever wanted to be your own boss?
23:34
You need to go about really sharp knives.
23:40
Yeah.
23:40
You walk in there and try to sell him on your multi-level marketing scheme.
23:45
It's not a pyramid scheme.
23:46
It's an MLM.
23:47
It's an MLM.
23:48
I don't understand.
23:49
But yeah, anyway, that's kind of how I would go about it.
23:52
Just being vulnerable.
23:53
Ask, show him everything.
23:55
I mean, physically, but also emotionally.
23:57
Let him in.
23:58
Cry.
23:59
Hug him.
24:00
All right, Evan.
24:01
How do you approach meeting significant other's parents?
24:04
I think it's important with the past few years we've had to be very conscious about
24:09
health of others around you and for yourself as well.
24:12
But I think what you got to do to limit the amount of germs you spread around
24:17
is wear gloves everywhere you go.
24:19
Never take them off.
24:19
Don't let them see your hands.
24:21
Don't let them see that you have skin underneath those gloves.
24:25
You want to be as scared as you can about not having your gloves on.
24:28
Maybe you had an open cut on your hand and you have AIDS.
24:31
Maybe you cut that you pass that on.
24:33
You don't want to do that.
24:34
So you wear thick winter gloves everywhere you go.
24:37
You don't take them off.
24:38
You wash your hands with the gloves on.
24:40
Anything you touch, you have the gloves on.
24:42
I like this approach.
24:43
I like the conscientious approach that you have here.
24:46
What were you trying to prove to the parents?
24:48
That you're responsible and that you care about them and their daughter as well.
24:53
That you'll go whatever length necessary to keep them safe.
24:56
Yeah.
24:57
So let's say you're sitting around the dinner table and there might be a more formal family
25:02
and the mother asks you to go in and take off your gloves to eat.
25:06
How do you handle that?
25:07
You say, ma'am respectfully, I care about you.
25:09
You came over to my house and you just squealed.
25:12
You just started screaming.
25:13
There was no words.
25:14
It was almost as if somebody had like a bee had stung you in your back.
25:19
In my head, I was saying, respectfully, ma'am, I can't do that for the safety of you.
25:25
But it came out.
25:26
It didn't translate to my mouth and it came out as this one long screech.
25:30
Can you give us that screech?
25:32
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
25:34
How do the moms usually handle that?
25:36
Usually they understand.
25:39
More in the way of they would rather not deal with the situation.
25:44
So they pretend to understand.
25:45
They know how to pick their battles at that point.
25:47
They're just like, I don't know what this guy's issue is.
25:49
We're not going to really touch this.
25:51
Yeah, they say it's not worth exploring.
25:53
So you never take it off.
25:54
So like say the family has a pool.
25:56
You're in your speedo and you're still in the gloves.
25:59
Yeah, you got your banana speedo on and you're swimming in those thick wool gloves
26:05
that you wear through winter.
26:06
Do you pressure the family into maybe wearing gloves?
26:09
Like do you bring another four or five pair of gloves
26:11
in hopes that they might follow suit?
26:14
Well, that's what I get them for Christmas every single year.
26:17
Everyone gets a pair of gloves, thick winter gloves that I say,
26:20
I write on the card, please never take these off.
26:22
Please put these on and never take these off.
26:23
Does it work?
26:24
No.
26:25
Am I trying to emulate maybe like a goofy movie situation
26:28
where it seems like everybody's wearing gloves right now,
26:30
but it's just part of that who they are.
26:32
Didn't last Christmas you also wrote,
26:34
if the glove doesn't fit, they must acquit winky face.
26:38
I did.
26:39
That was a hit in the family because they all drive Broncos, white Broncos.
26:44
So I like to call the police on them and get them to chase them around a little bit.
26:48
Just to really get them in the mood of the Christmas spirit.
26:51
Sure, sure.
26:51
Yeah.
26:52
There's nothing against you in the Christmas spirit,
26:53
like being in hold in the holdover in jail.
26:56
So that's good.
26:58
Um, but there you go, Timothy, wear gloves, be overprotective with help
27:03
and don't communicate to the family when they ask you to take them off.
27:07
Just scream.
27:09
They'll, they'll choose not to mess with you anymore.
27:11
They'll figure it out.
27:12
Yeah.
27:13
But uh, there you go, Timmy.
27:14
I hope that helps.
27:15
Brightus, tell us how the situation went.
27:18
Yeah, we'd love to, we'd love to have you write back and just tell us,
27:21
tell us which one of these obviously you use because you're going to pick one.
27:24
Well, as he said, he's not using any of them.
27:26
I don't buy it.
27:27
I don't buy it.
27:27
I think after hearing him, he's like, I didn't have a better idea.
27:30
There's a lot of good answers on the table here for him to pick.
27:32
You don't have to do just one.
27:34
You can do all of them.
27:34
You can do all of them.
27:35
I mean, the options are there, but yeah, there you go, Timothy.
27:39
Um, so for our final segment, uh, we know that Alan gets into a lot of trouble.
27:44
We've read multiple news stories about Alan and his mischievous acts,
27:50
but this time around, it's not actually only Alan.
27:52
Alan has gotten a partner in crime and Perry is that partner in crime.
27:57
And actually Evan has a news article from the Washington post.
28:01
The Washington post about people.
28:03
About Alan and Evan.
28:05
And it doesn't mention them by name in this,
28:07
but it does give some defining characteristics that we know.
28:11
Evan, what, um, what does the news article say?
28:13
We interrupt this program for a breaking news story.
28:17
Breaking news.
28:19
Hold on.
28:19
This is breaking news.
28:20
All right.
28:22
So this one that I dug up from the headlines on Alan and Perry here,
28:27
it reads like this.
28:29
In a bizarre turn of events, a small suburban town was left bewildered when two perpetrators
28:34
dressed in full length penguin costumes attempted an unconventional heist.
28:37
The awkward duo whose identities remain unknown,
28:40
waddled their way into a local bank on a sunny Tuesday morning.
28:44
Eyewitnesses described the peculiar scene as the penguin bandits attempted to navigate
28:49
through the bank's security systems while making penguin noises.
28:53
The absurdity of the situation left both customers and employees unsure whether to
28:58
be scared or amused.
29:00
As they approached the bank tellers, the penguins fumbled with their flippers,
29:03
struggling to pass a handwritten note that read,
29:05
Fisher funds, your choice.
29:08
The tellers struggling to suppress giggles tried their best to comprehend the odd request.
29:12
However, their escapade was short-lived as their oversized penguin feet caused them to slip and
29:17
slide on the polished floor.
29:18
Their fellow penguins disguises proved to be both a hindrance and a comic relief.
29:23
Realizing the futility of their plan, the penguin bandits waddled their way back to
29:27
the bank's entrance only to find themselves trapped by their own choice of costume.
29:31
By the time the police arrived, the perpetrators had exhausted themselves,
29:34
lying helplessly on the floor, defeated by their own antics.
29:37
Good lord, y'all.
29:39
Y'all really did it this time.
29:41
This is probably the most public, or I'm speaking Alan here,
29:44
this is probably the most public thing you've ever done.
29:46
I would say so.
29:47
Yeah, I mean, to the point where you had a whole town making fun of you.
29:51
Everybody gathered around and something that I like to do is,
29:54
is uh, bring the town together.
29:56
I love it when that happens on a TV program, real life, you know,
30:00
just when everybody comes together for a common goal.
30:03
And if that goal is to say things about me and Perry as we,
30:06
as we go do our, our daily, daily routines, you know.
30:11
A heist as part of your old daily routine?
30:13
Well, you know, once a week.
30:15
Now, Perry, how did he get you in on this?
30:17
How did you get roped into a heist?
30:21
Well, this was actually my idea.
30:23
Oh.
30:24
No, I'm a big penguin lover.
30:25
Like we talked about, our, our group is called flipping the bird.
30:28
We're very famous now from all the memes, but like Alan said,
30:31
we just love camaraderie.
30:32
We think it's a lacking part of society.
30:34
And if it requires us potentially getting a lot of money from a bank or fish,
30:39
their choice, uh, we, we will do that.
30:42
Now, Evan, say with me here,
30:44
it seems like this whole camaraderie thing that they say they want is probably,
30:50
they're only saying that because they fail.
30:52
Yeah.
30:52
You know, like I think initially, what an assumption there.
30:56
Yeah.
30:57
I mean, I think, I think once you failed, you're like, you know what?
30:59
We did this for the camaraderie.
31:01
Is that true?
31:03
I mean, of course we did it for the camaraderie.
31:05
We're, you know, not only are we looking for a camaraderie,
31:08
but we're looking for a book deal.
31:10
And I think we've done enough damage here in this article that,
31:14
that might warrant, that might warrant a book deal.
31:16
I think, uh, I think Harper Collins publishing is going to come calling.
31:19
Really?
31:20
For looking for money anyway, you can get it.
31:22
Certainly.
31:22
Certainly.
31:23
I have to point out that we initially went to Penguin for our publishing,
31:26
but it was right there.
31:31
So why did y'all choose the whole Penguin get up?
31:34
Admittedly a very weird, weird method of a heist.
31:37
Usually it's kind of a mask, ski masks, maybe even the mask of a dead president.
31:42
Are Penguin special to you guys in any way?
31:44
Or is it?
31:44
Well, you know, we actually had a little bit of miscommunication on that.
31:48
I thought we were going dressed up as the Penguin from the Batman franchise.
31:53
And Perry showed up with a full body Penguin, like, like happy feet, you know, the bird.
31:58
So the article was generally accurate when they both called you Penguins,
32:02
but not accurate enough to define the difference in what kind of Penguins y'all are.
32:06
Not quite, not quite, no.
32:08
We were Emperor Penguins, not the Batman Penguins.
32:10
No.
32:11
It turns out when you type in Penguin in Amazon, you just happen to not be looking and hit buy.
32:17
The first thing that comes is not Batman costume.
32:19
It's a bird.
32:20
That must have been awkward when y'all showed up on the outside of the bank
32:23
and Alan looks like an old school banker in his Batman Penguin costume.
32:28
And you come out in an actual animal Penguin costume.
32:31
How did that conversation go for y'all?
32:32
Do you want to, you want to give him like a rundown of how it went?
32:35
Sure.
32:36
Hey Alan.
32:37
Hey man, how's it going?
32:38
Pretty good. What's up?
32:39
You look nice.
32:40
Y'all do a lot of small talk at the beginning of these things.
32:42
We'll run the sidewalk a couple of guys, you know.
32:44
I said once a week.
32:47
So listen, I don't, I don't see you with your, with your monocle.
32:51
You know, I, I see fine without it.
32:53
I don't see a reason to wear a monocle.
32:55
Yours looks nice though, very well shined.
32:58
Well, thank you.
32:59
So, so hey bud, you look like a bird.
33:04
Yeah. And you look like the Batman character.
33:07
Um, I thought we talked about being penguins.
33:09
It was kind of weird.
33:11
Oh my goodness.
33:12
Well, look at the predicament we've got ourselves in here.
33:15
What a gap.
33:16
This is crazy.
33:16
Um, well, you wouldn't happen to have a spare Penguin costume, would you?
33:20
You know, I never leave home without it in the trunk of the 78 Chevelle.
33:22
So that's kind of how that worked out.
33:24
Okay.
33:25
So you just had a spare Penguin.
33:27
So y'all, y'all did both enter the bank or did y'all, did y'all just,
33:31
you get stubborn and just kind of go with your, your banker Penguin costume.
33:37
I went in behind the dumpster behind the CVS and changed into the Penguin costume
33:41
so that we both matched.
33:43
And then I took his and put it on.
33:44
Oh, okay.
33:45
That was a plan all along.
33:47
Y'all switched.
33:49
We really want to please the other person.
33:52
So we both just changed into the costumes thinking that the other person would stay
33:55
the same, but you know, it didn't work out.
33:57
We're both beta.
33:58
So beta.
34:00
Now I like to think that we're always on you guys mind, especially you, Alan.
34:04
When you got yourselves in this predicament was your first thought.
34:07
The guys back at the pod are not going to let me live this one down.
34:10
It's you, you've hit the nail on that there.
34:13
Cause you knew there would be a, I am always, I'm always worried when something happens.
34:17
I'm going to think, man, this is, this is going to get back to the boys and
34:21
it's going to, it's going to be a segment before you know it.
34:23
It says y'all's waddled into the bank.
34:25
Now were y'all just trying to be accurate with y'all's Penguin interpretation?
34:29
Cause one of y'all was just a man and waddled.
34:32
So what was the, what, where was the creative choice of actually
34:35
waddling into the bank during the highest?
34:37
I don't know about you Perry.
34:38
I, before we went in, I had an issue with an extension cord and it accidentally
34:43
got wrapped around my legs.
34:45
So I had no other choice.
34:47
You were tied up?
34:48
Yes.
34:48
Okay.
34:49
Okay.
34:49
I had no other choice, but to waddle into the bank.
34:51
It was completely unrelated incident.
34:54
I've since untangled the extension cord.
34:56
My legs are both free.
34:57
Things are, things are good in that area now, but yeah, that was,
35:01
that was why I had to waddle.
35:02
Gotcha.
35:03
Okay.
35:03
What was your excuse there?
35:04
Yeah.
35:05
I, um, recently had been in a water sport.
35:08
I got a lot of friction between the thighs.
35:10
Chafed.
35:11
You were chafed.
35:12
Yeah.
35:12
I don't like that word.
35:13
It was water sport rubbing.
35:18
I mean, that, yeah, that makes sense.
35:19
Not being able to move my legs.
35:22
It happens to a lot of people.
35:24
Moisture rubs down there.
35:25
It's rough.
35:25
I, I don't think sense.
35:26
So I get a lot of rashes.
35:28
Yeah.
35:28
I mean, so y'all enter the building, one tied up by an extension cord, the other crotch rash.
35:35
And well, before you go there, Zach, I want to walk through the whole scene of the robbery.
35:40
Yeah.
35:41
So it says first, you attempt to navigate to the bank security systems before you make your way
35:46
to the teller that Zach was talking about these security systems.
35:49
Was this like a jewel thief lasers all over the place while you're waddling that you had
35:54
to navigate through, um, that you had to do some acrobatics to get through
35:57
or y'all just having a hard time navigating a metal detector.
36:00
Yeah.
36:01
No, this is the bank was not very secure.
36:04
They're, their only security system is a, an 89 year old security guard.
36:09
And by a hard time with that.
36:12
Yeah, we did.
36:12
We did.
36:13
He likes to talk.
36:14
He, he really likes to talk and he's so old that we don't get a lot of his references.
36:19
So, you know, you were making penguin noises.
36:22
Is that, is that why you're just trying to end the conversation?
36:26
At some point he talks too long.
36:28
Yeah.
36:28
Yeah.
36:29
It's, we had to, we had to bring it into it.
36:32
You know, he's, he thinks penguins are myths.
36:34
So, you know, you didn't understand what he was saying.
36:37
You just started making penguin noises.
36:38
Right.
36:39
Right.
36:39
Right.
36:39
Like we talked about the water cooler no longer exists.
36:42
We didn't talk about NPR.
36:43
Talk about that.
36:43
Yeah.
36:44
And he's, he's got a lot on his mind.
36:46
So at this point he's just overflowing with conversation and it's time to get out of there
36:51
and get, get to work.
36:52
And y'all's tactic was just to make honking noises at him.
36:55
Correct.
36:55
How did, how did that turn out?
36:56
Did he, did he, how did he take that?
36:58
We navigated it like the story says.
36:59
We made, yeah.
37:00
Seems like we made it to the teller according to that article.
37:04
And just, I know you're probably going to ask, so let's get ahead of this.
37:07
Perry, give him that penguin sound.
37:17
So that, that brings up a good point.
37:19
Now that we're kind of act, we're kind of acting out these scenes, I'm going to play,
37:22
I want to play the, the security guard.
37:25
And you know, this is probably what minute 25 of him talking to y'all.
37:28
Mm-hmm.
37:29
Yeah.
37:29
We were there for a while.
37:30
Alan remind us of his name again.
37:32
Herman.
37:33
Yeah, Herman.
37:33
Right on his back.
37:34
There we go.
37:34
Okay.
37:35
That's right.
37:35
Okay.
37:35
So I will play Herman the security guard here and we can kind of let everybody have a picture
37:41
of maybe what that looked like.
37:43
So back in my day, we didn't wear shorts because we thought that was kind of gay.
37:47
We only, we only wore long pants as to show that we are heterosexual males.
37:53
And I just believe that in today's world, too many boys wear shorts above their knee.
37:59
I don't want to see the legs of all these boys.
38:03
I have to go home and tell my wife, Martha, who is on hospice and she does it in her dying day.
38:08
She doesn't need to see the, she doesn't need to know about all the boys and their legs showing.
38:14
Yeah.
38:15
Couldn't agree more.
38:16
And I will tell every time when these boys walk in, I tell them, please pull down your pants.
38:20
Pull down your pants.
38:24
So you show less leg.
38:26
And I appreciate you two boys coming in here with a penguin costume and what looks to be
38:34
the Pringles, the Pringles chip man.
38:37
I appreciate that y'all aren't showing any leg.
38:39
And a lot of these times these boys are wearing such tight pants.
38:43
I understand how much money they have in their pockets.
38:47
And I don't even want to know how much change in their pockets.
38:51
I mean, look at the time.
38:53
In fact, we don't use enough hard money anymore.
38:57
I think there's a Matlock rerun airing right now.
39:01
We use too many credit cards.
39:03
What happened to a world where we only use hard dollar bills?
39:10
There's nothing like putting a, and I just feel like there's no better feeling
39:16
than putting a hard dollar bill in somebody.
39:23
I'm talking here.
39:26
I'm just a regular patron trying to leave the building.
39:30
Can I get by you people?
39:31
Come on.
39:32
Wow.
39:32
And that, you know what?
39:33
That's taught me my tracks.
39:34
That makes sense why Herman, the security card probably stopped.
39:37
That was very disrespectful.
39:39
Yeah.
39:39
Herman, he had a lot of opinions.
39:42
Women shouldn't vote kind of thing.
39:44
Yeah.
39:45
He was really, really hard stance on that.
39:48
No shorts.
39:49
Wise beyond his years.
39:50
Yeah.
39:50
Yeah.
39:51
Really.
39:51
And we believed a lot of what he said.
39:53
We kind of leaned that way.
39:57
You know, probably a lot of good points that guys don't wear enough pants.
40:00
Yeah.
40:01
Too many shorts.
40:02
But anyway, so you'll navigate that.
40:04
My next, my really, my next question is why did you all choose Fisher funds
40:08
when y'all do realize y'all went to him?
40:10
You'll get past Herman, the security guard, and you'll pass a note to the teller.
40:13
And the note says, fish or funds.
40:16
Now y'all do understand y'all are at a bank.
40:18
So the funds part of that makes sense.
40:21
Why did y'all think the bank had fish?
40:22
What was, why did y'all want fish?
40:24
Well, it was really, it was a question for the teller.
40:28
The bank, you know, that just happens to be where she works.
40:31
We were actually asking this lady out on a date and it was fish or funds.
40:36
You know, does she, does she want to go out and get fish or does she want to just,
40:40
us to just give us, give her money and leave her alone?
40:45
That's how you date?
40:47
Basically, do you want to go eat with me and Perry at Captain D's
40:50
or would you rather us give you money?
40:53
So you were trying to take money.
40:55
You were trying to give this teller woman money?
40:57
Yeah.
40:57
Okay.
40:58
So it was just a big misunderstanding.
41:00
Yeah.
41:00
Yeah.
41:01
You know, it worked out with the whole story, you know?
41:03
Yeah.
41:03
It made sense.
41:04
But any woman you walk or you try to date, you either,
41:07
you basically just end up spending money.
41:09
Yeah.
41:10
Yeah.
41:10
So I'm basically like, Hey, you want to go over for some, uh, some snapper,
41:14
some, some brim or, and hear me out.
41:17
Would you like a crisp $20 bill?
41:21
Why couldn't they just say no?
41:22
And then that'd be the end of the transaction.
41:24
Well, because there's got, there's gotta be,
41:26
it gives them an option.
41:27
They have to choose.
41:27
Yeah.
41:28
There's, there's gotta be an option, you know?
41:30
Okay.
41:34
Now, Perry, did you understand that this whole thing was an effort to get out on a date?
41:38
Yeah.
41:38
Did you actually think you might be going to rob this bank?
41:42
And all of a sudden you found out that Alan was just trying to spit some game.
41:45
Now I wrote a different note.
41:47
Alan somehow snuck his note in there.
41:49
We, I guess we both were on the same page.
41:52
Mine said fish or fun.
41:53
So I, I'm also trying to date this person, but do we want to go fishing for our first date
41:59
or have some fun, which is fishing?
42:03
She only has fishing as an option.
42:04
It's only fishing as an option.
42:06
Okay.
42:06
Um, okay. So between you two dressed as two different penguins,
42:12
Perry now as the Batman villain penguin and Alan as the bird penguin.
42:18
Who did she like more?
42:19
Did she choose one of y'all?
42:20
Weirdly enough, I, it must've been something wrong with her
42:24
because she didn't really seem interested in either.
42:27
Yeah.
42:27
Yeah.
42:28
It does say she immediately started giggling.
42:30
So sounds like it didn't go over well.
42:33
I think, I think it was a her problem.
42:35
Would you agree, Perry?
42:36
Yeah, there was some red flags with her, uh, giggling at true attempt at love.
42:41
She's probably not a serious person.
42:42
Cheap.
42:42
She works at a bank.
42:44
I mean, there's, there's worse places to work in the bank, but not many.
42:49
At that age, at this part of her career, she shouldn't still be a teller.
42:54
How old was she?
42:55
Uh, 64.
42:58
Herman was eyeing her.
43:02
I bet Herman was pretty, pretty jealous that y'all are hitting on his.
43:05
That's why he called the police.
43:06
That's right.
43:06
That's right.
43:07
Oh, that makes sense.
43:09
Okay.
43:09
Okay.
43:10
So how did, how did the cop, the, the cop showing up, um, SWAT team, I'm sure bust
43:17
through the, the doors.
43:19
How did, how did that go for y'all?
43:20
What was that like?
43:21
I think it was, it was kind of scary at first.
43:23
Okay.
43:23
Um, we're just out here trying to, trying to pick up the same woman.
43:27
Yeah.
43:27
You know, nothing, nothing crazy.
43:30
And then all of a sudden these, uh, you know, officers of the law,
43:34
peace officers run through and just invade the bank.
43:39
Yeah.
43:39
Initially we were both a little embarrassed by the failed attempts with the teller.
43:44
Obviously she was out of her league.
43:45
We should have realized that we walked in, but as we waddle back to the front, we see,
43:50
you know, a new episode of cops just evolving outside.
43:55
And we get, I mean, I personally got a little excited, big fan of cops.
43:59
I haven't missed an episode in 10 years and I'm thinking maybe I'm on the next one.
44:03
Now, now, I don't think cops has been on the air for the past five to seven years.
44:08
I haven't kept up, but I didn't say I watched two episodes.
44:13
We have, uh, we have, we watched the same, uh, three episodes of cops we have on a VHS, uh,
44:19
tape.
44:20
Watch them every night.
44:21
It's starting to burn out.
44:23
Um, well, okay.
44:24
Uh, so did y'all, did y'all, how did, how did the legal proceedings go after that?
44:28
Did y'all get it worked out?
44:29
I mean, you could make a good pun, seeing that y'all are penguins.
44:32
You're trying to pick up chicks, you know, as penguins, that makes a lot of sense.
44:35
Did maybe that pun get y'all out of the legal trouble?
44:38
Kind of low hanging fruit.
44:39
Don't you think?
44:41
You know, I blow the belt.
44:42
Yeah.
44:43
Okay.
44:44
Well then give me, give me a good pun that you would think would satisfy the justice system.
44:49
Well, I didn't use pun.
44:50
Oh, okay.
44:52
I got down on my knees and begged the enforcers of the law to let us go.
44:57
I said, we're, we are two men seeking the same elderly woman trying to make sure the even more
45:04
elderly security guard doesn't get to her first.
45:06
And when they, I think when they heard that, they immediately knew that we were not people
45:11
that would rob a bank.
45:13
Yeah.
45:13
Yeah.
45:14
They said there's clearly more going on here, uh, than we initially expected.
45:19
Or less, if you really think about it, really, they, they probably thought these people don't
45:23
have the mental capacity to plan a complex heist.
45:27
And probably they were just trying to pick up an old lady.
45:30
Yeah.
45:30
You know, it's a story as old as time you go to have to find your woman to have,
45:35
have a lovely relationship with her and some evil entity steps in the way.
45:40
I'm thinking Romeo Juliet.
45:42
Yeah.
45:43
I'm thinking Snow White, sleeping beauty.
45:46
I'm thinking Cinderella.
45:49
And now you got the penguins at the bank.
45:51
Lethal weapon too. Sure.
45:54
So what you're saying is that you participated in your own romantic narrative.
46:01
Looking back, I mean, retroactive, you know, looking back, hindsight is at least 2020,
46:07
not 2015.
46:08
And I see it clear today now it's going to be a movie.
46:12
Makes sense.
46:13
You know, we're looking for a book publisher and that makes this will be a good.
46:16
Yeah.
46:17
Yeah.
46:17
I'd say if the future Disney film, if, if the book is good enough, well, we want,
46:21
we want to bypass Disney.
46:22
We don't necessarily agree with a lot of what they stand for, but.
46:25
What's that exactly?
46:26
Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. Disney's big on castles.
46:30
You are very anti-castle.
46:32
I, it just seems like there's too much going on architecture wise in a, in a castle.
46:38
Let's, let's just keep it more simple.
46:40
You're a minimalist.
46:41
Yeah.
46:41
And they got mice owning dogs as their most popular story.
46:45
I don't.
46:46
You don't agree with that.
46:47
There's a hierarchy.
46:47
They're not a serious company.
46:48
And something that I don't get is isn't goofy a dog too.
46:52
Yeah.
46:52
Make him make.
46:53
Why is he not owned?
46:55
Why is there no ownership of him?
46:57
Yeah.
46:58
I want to take it back to your movie comparison though.
47:01
So your romance is between you and the teller.
47:04
Obviously in a movie, something has to stand in the way.
47:08
Romeo and Juliet, it was the two families clashing in your story.
47:11
Is that just Herman, the security guard?
47:13
Yeah. Who is the evil?
47:14
No, I think there'll be a Soviet plot.
47:16
Okay. Okay. Of course there will.
47:19
Yeah.
47:19
Climb all and always.
47:20
Like, like any good, uh, late eighties, early nineties, uh, thriller,
47:27
the Soviets are always kind of.
47:30
They're lingering.
47:30
They're lingering.
47:31
They're doing what they do best.
47:33
We got Val Kilmer on the books.
47:34
Mm hmm.
47:34
Yeah.
47:35
Oh, like the good phrase says, every pickle has a hammer and sickle.
47:39
That is true.
47:41
Classic.
47:42
Classic phrase.
47:43
It rolls right off the tongue too.
47:44
It's right in my house. It's right under the live, laugh, love sign.
47:48
Every pickle has his hammer and sickle.
47:50
That's right.
47:51
Oh man. Well, my final question as we kind of wrap this up is
47:55
did y'all get a call back from, uh, the lady, the teller?
47:58
Any day now.
48:00
Okay.
48:00
Still waiting.
48:00
Waiting.
48:01
Still waiting.
48:01
Y'all expected to happen enough.
48:02
It's a waiting game.
48:03
Their policy is also to call and see how good the service was at the bank.
48:06
So we know the call is coming.
48:09
And like we said, we're so beta.
48:10
I put Alan's number on my pickup note.
48:12
Gotcha. Okay.
48:13
So he should get a call.
48:14
Yeah. I did the same, obviously the same for Perry.
48:16
She was confused on why you put the same number twice and two different handwriting.
48:20
Yeah.
48:21
Yeah.
48:21
At her age though, you should make sure she's still alive and able to call you in general.
48:26
Well, she has the jitterbug phone.
48:28
So like she has no problem seeing those very large print buttons.
48:32
She'll be making that call any day now.
48:35
No, no, no, no. Very, very easy.
48:37
Very easy to use.
48:38
Well, yeah, I'm her life alert.
48:41
Gotcha.
48:41
Contact.
48:42
So it doesn't go straight to the emergency service.
48:44
It doesn't go straight to you.
48:45
I am emergency service.
48:46
Okay. Yeah.
48:48
Her heart stopped beating and she takes a kiss from me and we're back.
48:51
There it is.
48:52
There it is.
48:53
It goes a long line with y'all's, oh man.
48:55
But there you go.
48:57
Another, another Alan saga that somehow got wrapped up with Perry.
49:02
I think this is good advice.
49:03
Find, find good friends.
49:05
You find the wrong friends, you're going to get wrapped up in bank high stresses,
49:08
penguins in an effort to pick up an elderly lady.
49:11
And really, but you find the right friends and you get involved in a bank heist and you
49:17
get to try to pick up an elderly lady.
49:20
You're like, I guess it's perspective, you know, you know,
49:22
and it's about the camaraderie you shared along the way.
49:25
That's right.
49:25
And that's, that's really what we're about.
49:27
Anyways, is camaraderie.
49:29
Cause you, Herman's y'all, you're hanging out with Herman later, right?
49:31
We are.
49:32
Yeah.
49:32
Okay. Yeah.
49:32
So it's about the friends you make along the way.
49:34
Soon as the bank closes, we're going to head on down to the dairy queen.
49:38
Be there till nine o'clock.
49:39
That's right.
49:40
Oh, that's late night for Herman.
49:43
Well, you can't shut them up these days.
49:44
That's right.
49:46
There you go.
49:47
That's episode 22.
49:48
Perry, I don't know if you've noticed if you're tuning in, but we do what we call one
49:51
line of wisdom and basically we go around the group and we, we give our listeners,
49:56
our the Saturday workers, just a quick line of wisdom.
50:00
So let's, let's go and do that.
50:01
All right, Evan, what, give us a one-liner wisdom for everybody.
50:04
You can't skin a deer with a spoon.
50:06
It's always bring a knife.
50:07
Okay.
50:08
That's good.
50:08
If you got a skitter deer, it's a good, good wisdom.
50:10
Alan, one-liner wisdom for everybody.
50:13
Red bull may give you wings, but just don't forget your parachute.
50:26
Wow.
50:26
That was, that was deep.
50:29
All right, Perry, give us a one-liner wisdom.
50:31
You spank a man, you get a fan.
50:34
You spank his wife.
50:35
He won't be as nice.
50:36
Oh my goodness.
50:44
True though.
50:46
That's not wrong.
50:47
It's factual.
50:48
It's factual.
50:49
Sometimes, sometimes the truth is kind of uncomfortable.
50:51
Yeah.
50:51
I mean, you know, at least you need somebody in your life that tells you,
50:55
tells you the hard truth.
50:56
That's right.
50:56
But there you go.
50:57
Thank you, Perry.
50:58
Episode 22 showing up.
50:59
Should I, I also got a new sponsor.
51:01
I don't know if you talked about it.
51:02
Oh, go ahead and tell us what's your new sponsor.
51:04
Um, Pampers.
51:05
Pampers.
51:05
Yeah.
51:06
So if you need Pampers, I'm your guy.
51:08
I wear them on my Instagram.
51:09
Check it out.
51:10
What's your, what's your handle again?
51:11
Pamperdaddy underscore 69.
51:13
Oh, you base your whole Instagram around that.
51:16
Well, they pay you that much for Pampers.
51:18
But yeah, uh, you got a hypothetical.
51:20
Need some advice from the three wisest people around?
51:23
Question will detour podcast at gmail.com.
51:26
Rytus, tell us about yourself.
51:27
Um, but anyway, you already be done?
51:29
Let's get it.
51:30
Yeah.
51:30
Yeah.