Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 227. Soft Girl Culture Lied to You: Is your ‘Softness’ turning you lazy?

Transcript

227. Soft Girl Culture Lied to You: Is your ‘Softness’ turning you lazy? · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:05
Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the Sheep Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
0:13
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. This podcast is.
0:15
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
0:18
Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
0:21
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
0:26
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back
0:32
Speaker 2: to Tea Rises, ladies and gents.
0:35
Speaker 1: For any of you who are there are actually some
0:37
Speaker 1: male listeners. We get a couple of DM sore again,
0:39
Speaker 1: it's very special. Actually, yeah, it's really special, especially we
0:42
Speaker 1: talk about relationships or when Steve came on, We've got
0:44
Speaker 1: a lot of cool feedback from male It's just very
0:46
Speaker 1: cool having someone else to relate to from what he'd
0:48
Speaker 1: been through, So that's really cool. And also just hearing
0:50
Speaker 1: a woman's perspective.
0:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had some dms like that and men saying
0:52
Speaker 2: like wow, it's great to hear a woman's perspective on things.
0:55
Speaker 1: I love hearing a male's perspective. So it's really cool. Epic.
0:57
Speaker 2: All right, Now, before we get into it, we're gonna
0:59
Speaker 2: share our share of the weeks, I will go first
1:02
Speaker 2: for today. So this is actually something I found on Instagram.
1:04
Speaker 2: It's by Francesca Psychology. Now she's a psychologist that I
1:08
Speaker 2: found online. Just love her stuff and I'm going to
1:11
Speaker 2: read just a little like a carousel that she has.
1:15
Speaker 2: The price of intimacy is shattering the fantasy of what
1:18
Speaker 2: you thought love would look like. Most people enter relationships
1:21
Speaker 2: with an unconscious rescue fantasy that their partner will meet
1:24
Speaker 2: all of their needs, make life exciting, and finally make
1:27
Speaker 2: them feel whole. And in the beginning, it can really
1:29
Speaker 2: feel like that because you're not seeing the full person yet,
1:32
Speaker 2: but you're seeing their potential. But at some point reality
1:35
Speaker 2: kicks in and you have to realize that your partner
1:37
Speaker 2: won't meet all of your needs.
1:38
Speaker 1: They have their own wounds and their own baggage.
1:41
Speaker 2: This is the stage of disillusionment, but often this is
1:43
Speaker 2: the moment that real love begins because of the work
1:46
Speaker 2: of intimacy is grieving the fantasy and grieving the partner
1:49
Speaker 2: you thought you'd get in the life and love and
1:52
Speaker 2: the life you thought love would give you. Healthy love
1:54
Speaker 2: isn't about being rescued, but about two imperfect people learning
1:58
Speaker 2: how to stay repair and grow together.
2:01
Speaker 1: Amen. And I just love the way that she words that.
2:04
Speaker 2: It's so beautiful because I think we do come in
2:06
Speaker 2: with we're sold the fantasy of like you know, fairy
2:09
Speaker 2: tales as children, That's what Disney is all about. And
2:12
Speaker 2: I think it's really beautiful that moment when you can
2:14
Speaker 2: overcome the fears that you go through when you're in
2:17
Speaker 2: a relationship and you want to run away or you're scared,
2:19
Speaker 2: or you're scared of intimacy or whatever comes up for you,
2:22
Speaker 2: and you can actually like stay put and create a
2:25
Speaker 2: really beautiful, healthy love with someone who's also imperfect, but
2:27
Speaker 2: he's willing to stay. Yes. And I just thought that
2:29
Speaker 2: was a really beautiful reminder.
2:31
Speaker 1: That's so nice. Not run away from it all, mind.
2:34
Speaker 1: Just a couple of cute little quotes that I've got saved,
2:36
Speaker 1: like just sentences really not even quotes. Maybe you don't
2:39
Speaker 1: need more time to heal, Maybe you just need new
2:42
Speaker 1: experiences to show your nervous system a different reality. Next one,
2:46
Speaker 1: no revenge, because rotten fruit falls on its own love.
2:50
Speaker 1: That yeah, self love won't give you butterflies, but it
2:54
Speaker 1: will give you wings. If you judge a fish by
2:57
Speaker 1: its ability to climb a tree. It'll spend its whole
2:59
Speaker 1: life believing it's stupid. How nice is that? It's so true.
3:04
Speaker 1: You can paint to have us, but it doesn't change
3:06
Speaker 1: what's inside of it. Oh, it's a good one, I know.
3:11
Speaker 1: And last one, you can't expect to feel safe in
3:13
Speaker 1: your body if your self talk always sounds like a threat.
3:17
Speaker 1: Just remind us beautiful they are sharing. You're welcome. Let's
3:22
Speaker 1: get started, Let's do it. What are we talking about today, Tiana?
3:24
Speaker 1: I think this is going to stir a ruffle a
3:27
Speaker 1: few featthers, definitely, especially the really feminine girlies might get
3:30
Speaker 1: triggered by.
3:31
Speaker 2: This hot take. Yeah, soft girl culture is making you lazy.
3:37
Speaker 1: But here us out because there's a lot we want
3:38
Speaker 1: to speak on with this. But I think we've gone
3:41
Speaker 1: through different seasons with this. The last five ten years,
3:45
Speaker 1: it's been hustled girl boss CEO, women can do it all,
3:50
Speaker 1: and a lot of us are really burnt out because
3:52
Speaker 1: of that, because if we're getting praise for it, we're
3:54
Speaker 1: trying to prove our worth that we don't need a man,
3:56
Speaker 1: we're independent. Look how much money we're making, which is great.
3:58
Speaker 1: I'm like all for that, but not to the point
4:01
Speaker 1: where you're completely burnt out, out of touch with your body,
4:03
Speaker 1: disconnected from your body, so tired, I'm not actually enjoying
4:07
Speaker 1: what you're doing, and you're just trying to prove your worth.
4:09
Speaker 1: And I know that because I was that girl. I
4:10
Speaker 1: was the girl still trying to prove to everyone and
4:13
Speaker 1: myself that I was smart, that I was successful, that
4:16
Speaker 1: I could make the money, that I could do it
4:17
Speaker 1: on my own. And it wasn't until my brain aneurysm
4:19
Speaker 1: where I was like, Wow, I don't need to prove
4:21
Speaker 1: anyone anymore. I've done more than I ever thought I could,
4:23
Speaker 1: and I can actually just take a step back and
4:25
Speaker 1: slow down. So there's girls like me who go way
4:28
Speaker 1: over that side, and then there's other girls who are
4:31
Speaker 1: in their full, soft, feminine, slowed down, listen to my
4:34
Speaker 1: body kind of era. And we talk about this sometimes
4:36
Speaker 1: because we're like, when we want to do that, we
4:39
Speaker 1: get a little bit scared that if we go too
4:40
Speaker 1: far that way, I don't get nothing done. Yeah, what
4:43
Speaker 1: do you mean, I'm gonna see how my body feels.
4:45
Speaker 1: I don't always feel like training and I always feel
4:47
Speaker 1: like working. Sometimes we're laying but eat chocolate if I
4:50
Speaker 1: listen to that every day, I'm not going to be
4:52
Speaker 1: in the place where I want to go.
4:54
Speaker 2: It is, it's such a fine line because there is
4:56
Speaker 2: it's like such extremes, such extra extremes, and I think
4:59
Speaker 2: as well, you know, obviously with the women who like
5:01
Speaker 2: fall into the hustle culture and stuff, it's hard to
5:03
Speaker 2: because it's not just the only thing that they're focusing on.
5:06
Speaker 2: A lot of these women are parents and motherless or
5:09
Speaker 2: single mums, or women who are trying to create a
5:12
Speaker 2: certain sense of safety, which is why a culture in general,
5:15
Speaker 2: female culture has been pushed into that direction because of
5:19
Speaker 2: the lack of safety that they have felt from like
5:21
Speaker 2: you know, bad experiences they've had with masculine men who
5:23
Speaker 2: fall to coercive control, and like you know, obviously there's
5:26
Speaker 2: a long history of that sort of stuff too, so
5:29
Speaker 2: you can see why it's enticing for women to not
5:32
Speaker 2: need to go to a man to want money.
5:34
Speaker 1: But then, like what you said, the opposite.
5:36
Speaker 2: End of that is it really is the more homemaker
5:39
Speaker 2: kind of women. The homemaker kind of women who take
5:42
Speaker 2: care of everything, They do all the traditional female roles
5:44
Speaker 2: and take care of the house and take care of
5:45
Speaker 2: the babies. But then also they are like what you said,
5:49
Speaker 2: there's not as much structure. It's like I don't do
5:51
Speaker 2: this for myself. I get this outsourced by a man almost,
5:55
Speaker 2: or it's like I'm so soft that like, if I
5:59
Speaker 2: don't want to do it, I'm going to listen to
6:00
Speaker 2: my body, I'm gonna instead of doing this task that
6:02
Speaker 2: I know is super important I know needs to be done,
6:04
Speaker 2: I'm going to go take a bath instead.
6:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a sense of responsibility as a human if
6:09
Speaker 1: you're working, if you're a mum, that you do have
6:11
Speaker 1: to get quote unquote shit done. Like I can't just
6:14
Speaker 1: be listening to my body and taking it slow, like
6:16
Speaker 1: sitting on the grass all day, as lovely as that
6:18
Speaker 1: would be, smelling the flowers. It's actually things I need
6:20
Speaker 1: to get done because there's a certain level of life
6:23
Speaker 1: I want to live. I want to show my kids
6:24
Speaker 1: that they can achieve anything they want to do. And
6:26
Speaker 1: there's sacrifice and there's hard work sometimes, but also there's
6:30
Speaker 1: a fine balance of listening to your body. I love
6:33
Speaker 1: being in a relationship. I don't say fifty to fifty,
6:36
Speaker 1: but where one is not expected to be in one
6:38
Speaker 1: role or the other it's like feels quite fair. So
6:41
Speaker 1: like I'm fully supported to have my career and to
6:44
Speaker 1: do what i want to do and what lights me up.
6:46
Speaker 1: But I also contribute to the house and I'm also
6:48
Speaker 1: a parent, and Steve also does all of that. He's
6:50
Speaker 1: fully supported in his career. He's definitely the masculine, but
6:54
Speaker 1: he also contributes, like it helps with the kids and
6:57
Speaker 1: helps with the housework. It's not like one way or
6:58
Speaker 1: the other. I think we've found a really beautiful dance
7:01
Speaker 1: and balance. Yeah, like what works for you two Yeah, yeah,
7:04
Speaker 1: but there's no rezon and we're both not one extreme
7:06
Speaker 1: with the other. I've found that beautiful middle ground for us.
7:09
Speaker 1: And that's what I think we want to talk about
7:10
Speaker 1: it today, is to find where is your middle ground
7:12
Speaker 1: that you're still achieving everything you want to achieve, but
7:14
Speaker 1: you're also very in tune with what feels good and
7:16
Speaker 1: what doesn't. That's why I think finding passion and purpose
7:20
Speaker 1: in your work is so important. Yeah, because for me,
7:22
Speaker 1: that's very feminine lead, that's very heart led what we
7:25
Speaker 1: do that it doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel exhausting.
7:28
Speaker 1: I don't think i'd ever burn out from doing what
7:30
Speaker 1: we do because it is so heart led. Yeah, and
7:32
Speaker 1: it makes so much impact in there, so much passion
7:33
Speaker 1: and purpose and what we do. But if I was
7:35
Speaker 1: doing something in a role that didn't light me up
7:37
Speaker 1: like that, I think I would struggle to bring the
7:40
Speaker 1: feminine into my work and I would be very lad
7:43
Speaker 1: at my masculine be coming from a place of fear
7:45
Speaker 1: and a place of just like not really honoring what
7:47
Speaker 1: makes me feel good.
7:48
Speaker 2: It's so easy to do that too. Something that you
7:51
Speaker 2: just said really reminded me of something. So when I
7:53
Speaker 2: worked on site for five years, it was very much
7:55
Speaker 2: that for me. So it was very much that was
7:58
Speaker 2: when I was in my hustle season, and it was
8:00
Speaker 2: like brute force working on the job side, having to
8:02
Speaker 2: push my body physically because I was a young girl
8:05
Speaker 2: like and I was not competing but kind of with
8:08
Speaker 2: like all the men on site, and so it was
8:09
Speaker 2: like I had to almost like prove myself and my
8:12
Speaker 2: capabilities to do what all the other men could do.
8:15
Speaker 2: And it almost felt like it took twice the amount
8:17
Speaker 2: of effort to get half the amount of results, you know,
8:20
Speaker 2: And like in that season, I feel like I swung
8:22
Speaker 2: that way. But then there was a period once I
8:24
Speaker 2: left that industry and I was kind of trying to
8:26
Speaker 2: find my feet, I swung the other way. And it
8:28
Speaker 2: was really interesting because I went from that and like
8:31
Speaker 2: hustling and working all the time and like literally working
8:33
Speaker 2: sixty seven days a week for like a good chunk
8:35
Speaker 2: of time, to then going the other way and then
8:38
Speaker 2: wanting to rebel against the hustle and being like, oh no,
8:41
Speaker 2: but I want to listen to my body and I
8:43
Speaker 2: want to be softer and slower, and I kind of
8:46
Speaker 2: like lost not lost it, but like I fell out
8:48
Speaker 2: of that hustle phase that I almost I did get lazy,
8:52
Speaker 2: where it was like I was so slow and so feminine,
8:54
Speaker 2: always listening to my body that I was also always
8:57
Speaker 2: making excuses for my behavior because I felt uninspired because
9:01
Speaker 2: I wasn't in my purpose anymore. My path and my
9:03
Speaker 2: life direction that I once had, I no longer had.
9:06
Speaker 2: So I was figuring things out. So I went from
9:08
Speaker 2: temp job to temp job, and during those things it
9:11
Speaker 2: allowed me to have a little bit more time freedom.
9:13
Speaker 2: So I would wake up early in the morning and
9:14
Speaker 2: it would be a little bit slower, and I'd go
9:16
Speaker 2: down to the beach and I'd go for a walk
9:17
Speaker 2: and I'd listen to music and do all those things.
9:19
Speaker 2: But also when it came to actually doing things that mattered,
9:21
Speaker 2: I was lazy. I allowed myself to make excuses when
9:25
Speaker 2: I didn't feel good. I have my period, I just
9:26
Speaker 2: feel so terrible. I'm not going to do this role.
9:28
Speaker 2: Or I'm feeling really tired today, so I'm going to
9:31
Speaker 2: sleep in extra and I'm not going to do this.
9:32
Speaker 2: And it's just it was really interesting to have experienced
9:35
Speaker 2: both sides. And then I swung back the other way
9:37
Speaker 2: and I went to like brute force hustle again. And
9:39
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm trying to find my way back
9:41
Speaker 2: into the middle, and I feel like the beautiful dance
9:44
Speaker 2: is I believe, and what I've learned is like what
9:47
Speaker 2: you mentioned. When I was in the brute force, I
9:49
Speaker 2: feel like I was going against the grain, going against
9:53
Speaker 2: myself and what I needed and when I wanted. Because
9:55
Speaker 2: I was like brute force, I could do this. I
9:57
Speaker 2: can hustle and do all the things. And like coming
9:59
Speaker 2: back into the middle is felt so beautiful because I
10:02
Speaker 2: feel like you really do need to learn how to
10:04
Speaker 2: integrate both sides because we are our I believe this
10:07
Speaker 2: at least like I am my most powerful when I've
10:09
Speaker 2: integrated both. It's not I'm brute force, but it's also
10:13
Speaker 2: not I'm slow smelling the daisies because I get nothing done.
10:16
Speaker 2: But then over here, I'm like so neglectful of myself.
10:19
Speaker 2: So like being able to integrate both and knowing when
10:21
Speaker 2: to switch hats of like in this moment, I'm feminine,
10:24
Speaker 2: in this moment, I'm masculine. Yeah, And knowing that putting
10:28
Speaker 2: on those quote unquote invisible hats just means that you're
10:31
Speaker 2: shifting traits within yourself and.
10:34
Speaker 1: A little there, yeah.
10:36
Speaker 2: And like I feel like when you can integrate all
10:37
Speaker 2: of those, you become a very powerful version of yourself.
10:40
Speaker 1: It's a hard dance. I remember when I was first,
10:42
Speaker 1: I had actually hired a feminine embodiment coach, and I
10:46
Speaker 1: remember saying to her, now, I want to slow down more.
10:49
Speaker 1: I've got things I need to heal, things I need
10:51
Speaker 1: to feel that I don't want to feel. And that's
10:52
Speaker 1: why I'm like reaching out for support. It did three
10:54
Speaker 1: months with her, and I remember saying to her, but
10:56
Speaker 1: I love my drive, I love my fire, I love
11:00
Speaker 1: the way I work, I love the way I get
11:01
Speaker 1: things done. I love the way I've achieved so much.
11:03
Speaker 1: I don't want to stop. I've got lots of big plays, goals,
11:05
Speaker 1: big life, want to shore my kids what they can achieve.
11:08
Speaker 1: She was like, it's not about stopping all of that,
11:10
Speaker 1: it's just bringing in more of the softness in other areas.
11:13
Speaker 1: And for me, that's like, you know, going to dance class,
11:15
Speaker 1: or like I talked about a previous episode, when I
11:17
Speaker 1: transition out of work to home life, it's like that
11:19
Speaker 1: transition of having a shower, putting on a silky soft
11:22
Speaker 1: florally nighty and gliding my candles, putting music on, and
11:25
Speaker 1: I transition into my more feminine energy in different parts
11:28
Speaker 1: of my life. So I didn't necessarily stop the hustle.
11:30
Speaker 1: I just bought in more softness, which made me feel
11:32
Speaker 1: more balanced. Yes, oh I like that. Yeah, Yeah, like
11:36
Speaker 1: integrating both. Yeah, it doesn't have to be one extreme
11:38
Speaker 1: of the other. You can actually be really good at both. Yah,
11:41
Speaker 1: and both I feel fuel each other and help each other.
11:44
Speaker 1: Like to be in masculine roles, which to bring a
11:45
Speaker 1: feminine touch to it is so beautiful. So yeah, you
11:48
Speaker 1: have a different set of lens to a true masculine
11:51
Speaker 1: and you know, even being a mum, they say, is
11:53
Speaker 1: very feminine, but you actually need masculine energy of like
11:56
Speaker 1: making sure they stay alive. Yeah, you know, it's quite structured,
11:59
Speaker 1: and kids need boundaries and you need to make sure
12:01
Speaker 1: they're at sport on time and they've got enough food
12:03
Speaker 1: in their system and got a clean butt and whatever.
12:06
Speaker 1: There's lots of to do's to tick off when you
12:08
Speaker 1: look after children. So it's like bringing both energies into
12:12
Speaker 1: everything that you do, I think is key.
12:14
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think as well when it comes to like
12:16
Speaker 2: doing what you want to do, it's like there's a
12:19
Speaker 2: certain level of responsibility and like accountability you've got to
12:22
Speaker 2: learn to have with yourself if you want a big outcome, yeah,
12:26
Speaker 2: of anything. Yeah, it doesn't have to be a business,
12:28
Speaker 2: it can be anything in life for sure, you know.
12:31
Speaker 1: And I think.
12:32
Speaker 2: Without that level of accountability and almost holding yourself to
12:34
Speaker 2: the not a highest standard necessarily, but like the accountability
12:38
Speaker 2: of doing the things that need to be done when
12:40
Speaker 2: they need to be done, I feel like is everything, you.
12:43
Speaker 1: Know what I think is really hard enough. This is
12:44
Speaker 1: a little bit off topic, but I can see a
12:46
Speaker 1: pushback on social media of women being like why is
12:49
Speaker 1: it so shamed that we just want to be a
12:50
Speaker 1: stay at home mum. This is all I've ever wanted,
12:53
Speaker 1: you know, this is my role, this is my purpose.
12:55
Speaker 1: And I think that's absolutely beautiful. That's what you want
12:57
Speaker 1: to do, So can every moment of those little years,
12:59
Speaker 1: because man, they grow up so fast. Like I look
13:01
Speaker 1: at Tala, and honestly, if not every day, every second day, Steve,
13:05
Speaker 1: when I look at her and we're like, oh my god,
13:06
Speaker 1: I wish we could just freeze time. She's so fucking cute. Like,
13:09
Speaker 1: I just love this age so much. Three is the best.
13:11
Speaker 1: Don't anyone let you tell you anything otherwise. I don't
13:14
Speaker 1: know if it's a broken system, but for women that
13:15
Speaker 1: want to stay home right be with their children, give
13:18
Speaker 1: up their careers, give up their income. The partner's been
13:21
Speaker 1: the masculine, providing beautiful if the relationship turns out. If
13:25
Speaker 1: the relationship doesn't turn out and they break up, the
13:28
Speaker 1: woman's got nothing. Yeah, he's got his career, he's got
13:32
Speaker 1: his job. She's been at the home with kids. She
13:34
Speaker 1: hasn't learned a new schools set. She's let go of
13:36
Speaker 1: her career, maybe stopped her Uni degree. What now, how
13:40
Speaker 1: does she all of a sudden get back into the
13:41
Speaker 1: workplace when she's got three young children under five at home. Yeah,
13:44
Speaker 1: what does she meant to do? Just pop them all
13:46
Speaker 1: into daycare? Oh cool? Eight hundred dollars a week plus
13:49
Speaker 1: eight hundred dollars a week rent on my no income. Yeah.
13:51
Speaker 1: This is where I think there is a broken system,
13:54
Speaker 1: because I don't think our system protects and supports mums
13:58
Speaker 1: who want to stay at home. And that's where I
14:00
Speaker 1: think a lot of women go to this hustle culture
14:02
Speaker 1: because they're trying to protect themselves that if something happens, I've
14:04
Speaker 1: got my own back. Yeah, because they see friends, they
14:06
Speaker 1: see sisters, they see people go through it, their own mums. Yeah,
14:09
Speaker 1: watch my mom go through it. That's like, I think
14:12
Speaker 1: a lot of people are scared to be soften, be
14:14
Speaker 1: the stay at home mum because of all of that.
14:16
Speaker 1: I still think there's a nice balance and it's nice
14:17
Speaker 1: to have passion or a little side hustle law. You
14:20
Speaker 1: plan to go back to your career that you love
14:21
Speaker 1: whenever you're ready. But I think there's a lot of
14:23
Speaker 1: mums that they get left in this position, of course.
14:27
Speaker 2: But that's the scary thing though, Yeah, because it's like
14:29
Speaker 2: what do you do with that? Like do you lean
14:31
Speaker 2: all the way into that and then potentially put yourself
14:34
Speaker 2: in a very that's what I mean, risky situation.
14:36
Speaker 1: You want to but then their relationship doesn't work out.
14:38
Speaker 2: But that's also the thing is like this is my
14:40
Speaker 2: personal opinion. You can want to do that, but also
14:44
Speaker 2: I don't believe that exempts you from growing as a person.
14:46
Speaker 2: And I think life skills are really important regardless of
14:50
Speaker 2: what you choose, whether you choose to be a traditional
14:51
Speaker 2: wife and a partner or if you want to be
14:53
Speaker 2: the CEO baddie. I think it is a part of
14:56
Speaker 2: the journey to grow. And not saying that staying at
14:59
Speaker 2: home won't make you grow. I'm not saying that at all.
15:01
Speaker 2: But there are certain skills and things that you will
15:03
Speaker 2: learn outside of the home that you will have to
15:05
Speaker 2: learn and help you grow as an individual. That will
15:08
Speaker 2: help you one day if you need to to be
15:11
Speaker 2: able to know how to make your own money so
15:12
Speaker 2: that you can be autonomous and you can have independence.
15:15
Speaker 1: Or if they have a career, right, yeah, they have
15:17
Speaker 1: the career and then they have the three kids. Yeah,
15:19
Speaker 1: but they've got the three kids at home. He's off
15:21
Speaker 1: to work. Where do you take the kids to get
15:23
Speaker 1: back into the workplace? What do you do with them?
15:24
Speaker 1: Got no family support around? So she's got at the
15:27
Speaker 1: skill set, but how does she get back into work
15:29
Speaker 1: when she can't afford dacare and child support's not paying.
15:31
Speaker 1: I don't know. I personally think women should be paid
15:33
Speaker 1: for the role that they play, Oh my gosh, a
15:35
Speaker 1: full time job.
15:36
Speaker 2: Like I lagually say that women should get paid, whether
15:39
Speaker 2: it's like I mean, from their partner or the government,
15:41
Speaker 2: or for the role that they play, because from what
15:44
Speaker 2: I've seen, it's a full time job like men women
15:47
Speaker 2: whoever goes into the workforce, like and obviously I'm not
15:49
Speaker 2: a parent, but this is just my opinion.
15:51
Speaker 1: Everyone gets to clock in and out. Yeah, they clock
15:54
Speaker 1: in and out. It's not even a.
15:55
Speaker 2: Twelve hour day for the most part for most people
15:57
Speaker 2: parents don't. It's all through the day, all through the night,
16:00
Speaker 2: and it's twenty four hour job. And I just think that, like,
16:02
Speaker 2: they should be able to be compensated for that. And
16:04
Speaker 2: I do think that, like, I don't know, this might
16:07
Speaker 2: be controversial, but I do think your partner should pay
16:10
Speaker 2: you a wage for being able to do what it
16:13
Speaker 2: is that you do, or if it's not the partner,
16:15
Speaker 2: it's the government or some kind of support so that
16:18
Speaker 2: they're not left in this position where they could be
16:20
Speaker 2: vulnerable to a coercive control being that out in the
16:24
Speaker 2: gutter with their three children literally, I don't know, or.
16:27
Speaker 1: If there was to be a breakup, that like half
16:28
Speaker 1: of his wage goes straight to the girl, to the
16:31
Speaker 1: mum to make sure that they've both got equal amounts
16:33
Speaker 1: to look after the kids and to look after them, because.
16:35
Speaker 2: It is a sacrifice. It's a sacrifice that a woman
16:38
Speaker 2: makes to give us those things the other men who
16:41
Speaker 2: want to Yeah. But then also I think this is
16:44
Speaker 2: the conversation we're having of like why women feel like
16:46
Speaker 2: they need to create their own level of safety because
16:49
Speaker 2: of the options that they have, the positions that they
16:52
Speaker 2: may potentially be left in if they don't learn these
16:54
Speaker 2: skills and they don't go and find their own income
16:56
Speaker 2: and be able to create their own financial support, so
17:00
Speaker 2: financial security, you know. But then it's women are holding
17:04
Speaker 2: and juggling all of the hats and having to be
17:07
Speaker 2: the homemaker and also be the financial provider and also
17:11
Speaker 2: you know, do.
17:11
Speaker 1: All of it. Yeah, it's scary for women yeah, really scary.
17:16
Speaker 2: I also do think that I just think there's a
17:18
Speaker 2: time and a place for both. Like if you come
17:20
Speaker 2: back to the masculine and feminine parts and it's like
17:22
Speaker 2: women being overly masculine and then women being overly soft,
17:26
Speaker 2: I think there's a place for both, and I think
17:27
Speaker 2: it's necessary, regardless of what role or traditional whatever it
17:31
Speaker 2: is that you want to choose for yourself, to learn
17:32
Speaker 2: how to integrate both. If you are the soft girl
17:35
Speaker 2: who loves the baths and loves being flowly and feminine
17:37
Speaker 2: and not checking your phone and being off social media, amazing,
17:40
Speaker 2: But can you instill those masculine traits in you so
17:43
Speaker 2: that you can take care of yourself, provide for yourself,
17:45
Speaker 2: be not financially stable. But if you're in that position
17:47
Speaker 2: where you have to but be autonomous, you know. I
17:50
Speaker 2: think every individual, regardless of their role, needs to learn
17:53
Speaker 2: how to be autonomous. And when you can take care
17:56
Speaker 2: of yourself as an individual, I think that you will
17:59
Speaker 2: prevent yourself from being put in very uncomfortable and dangerous positions.
18:04
Speaker 2: Especially as women.
18:05
Speaker 1: We can't be naive to think that won't ever happen
18:06
Speaker 1: to us. It happens so often. It happens to people
18:09
Speaker 1: around us. Yeah, you know, we all know plenty of
18:11
Speaker 1: women that have gone through it, so heartbreaking to watch
18:13
Speaker 1: them suffer because of it.
18:15
Speaker 2: Yes, but then also knowing that when you're in that
18:17
Speaker 2: more hustle era, it's like not doing it from a
18:19
Speaker 2: place of scarcity, but like you've also you've cultivated the
18:23
Speaker 2: skill set now, you know how to drive things forward,
18:25
Speaker 2: you know how to create your momentum. How are you.
18:28
Speaker 1: Taking care of yourself now?
18:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, and not doing it from a place of scarcity
18:32
Speaker 2: of like I have to do this otherwise I'm not
18:34
Speaker 2: going to be safe. It's like, okay, you've built the security, now,
18:37
Speaker 2: how do you pull back into yourself and bring that
18:38
Speaker 2: feminine energy back so you can create that safety so
18:42
Speaker 2: that you can soften.
18:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where I came from two being kicked out
18:44
Speaker 1: of home at sixteen. I was like, fuck, I'm on
18:46
Speaker 1: my own now. Yes, I have to work, Yeah, it
18:48
Speaker 1: doesn't matter if I'm tired from school. Yeah, Like, I've
18:51
Speaker 1: got no choice now but to take care of myself.
18:54
Speaker 1: So I think that's why it took me so long
18:56
Speaker 1: to actually realize, like, shit, I don't need to do
18:58
Speaker 1: as much as what I'm doing now, I've proven to
19:00
Speaker 1: myself I've got the financial security I've put Yeah, taught
19:03
Speaker 1: myself to earn money, and I know that I've always
19:05
Speaker 1: got my own back. That's where I could bring more
19:07
Speaker 1: softness in. But it's a hard lesson to learn, isn't it.
19:10
Speaker 1: It's such a I've a little bit off topic, I think,
19:12
Speaker 1: but that's okay, just irrelevant. Yeah, it's an important conversation
19:15
Speaker 1: to have.
19:16
Speaker 2: It's cool that that was your experience too, because I
19:17
Speaker 2: feel like I had the opposite experience where it was
19:19
Speaker 2: like I had to force myself how to learn how
19:22
Speaker 2: to take care of myself. Yeah, because I obviously I
19:25
Speaker 2: am a very privileged position to be able to say this,
19:27
Speaker 2: but like Dad was always there for me if I needed,
19:29
Speaker 2: took care of you, and like took care of me
19:31
Speaker 2: and stuff, but to the point where I didn't know
19:33
Speaker 2: how to be competent on my own.
19:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting.
19:35
Speaker 2: So it's like I had to then learn how to
19:37
Speaker 2: be confident without the support of a man or just
19:40
Speaker 2: like my dad in general, or without somebody else. So
19:43
Speaker 2: it was like for me, my lesson was to learn
19:45
Speaker 2: how to be an individual and learn how to be
19:47
Speaker 2: self sufficient so that I could take care of myself.
19:50
Speaker 1: I've had a oposit experience, and it's so cool to
19:51
Speaker 1: be able to talk about both on here because everyone
19:53
Speaker 1: listening will relate to you or relate to me.
19:55
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, so cool, like to it's literally both
19:59
Speaker 2: sides exactly what we're talking about, meeting in the middle.
20:02
Speaker 1: That's so cool. Yeah, I love that.
20:04
Speaker 2: Something I've noticed as well with my clients who come
20:07
Speaker 2: in super masculine, super logical, super very driven, very successful
20:13
Speaker 2: kind of women, they do end up finding themselves in
20:15
Speaker 2: that like emotional burnout because they're not looking after themselves.
20:19
Speaker 2: And I think something you said in the very beginning
20:21
Speaker 2: is really helpful that it looks like bringing more play,
20:24
Speaker 2: more feminine things into your life. And something that I
20:27
Speaker 2: see and that I teach my clients how to do
20:29
Speaker 2: is to learn how to create experiences in their lives
20:32
Speaker 2: that help them soften, you know. So it's like, no
20:35
Speaker 2: matter what side of the scale you're on, whether you're
20:38
Speaker 2: in the masculine side, and that's where you're at right now,
20:40
Speaker 2: what would be really helpful for you is to implement
20:43
Speaker 2: that into your life, Like, what are some things that
20:45
Speaker 2: make you feel like you get out of your head
20:47
Speaker 2: and into your body. So like painting, drawing, cooking, dancing,
20:51
Speaker 2: hot bars, hot baths, like listening to music. Whatever it
20:55
Speaker 2: is that you're thing is, figure it out, implement one
20:58
Speaker 2: thing a week, and then if you're on the other
21:00
Speaker 2: end where you're so soft and so feminine and you're
21:03
Speaker 2: just like, oh, I'm like I love this and I
21:05
Speaker 2: enjoy this, and I don't want to have to do
21:07
Speaker 2: the other way where I'm super structured or regimented, what
21:10
Speaker 2: you could implement for you is like attacking your really
21:14
Speaker 2: most important tasks that you know that you kind of
21:17
Speaker 2: avoid and you don't really want to do and you
21:19
Speaker 2: kind of push back all the time. Write down those
21:22
Speaker 2: things from hardest task to least hardest, and tackle the
21:26
Speaker 2: first one and get it done within the next twenty
21:28
Speaker 2: four hours. You will then be able to show yourself
21:30
Speaker 2: that you can implement discipline, structure, and accountability, and that
21:34
Speaker 2: will help you build belief in yourself so that you
21:36
Speaker 2: can swing yourself into the middle.
21:38
Speaker 1: And getting more of that creates actual more freedom to
21:40
Speaker 1: do things you want to do. Yeah, because you yeah,
21:42
Speaker 1: there's a sense of responsibility to still get things done.
21:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, you know what I love about this, Like
21:47
Speaker 2: we've got here why safety and discipline equals true feminine power.
21:51
Speaker 2: And I want to bring this in from like a
21:53
Speaker 2: relationship standpoint. When a woman is almost like too soft
21:56
Speaker 2: and too nice and too kind and all the things,
21:59
Speaker 2: it's almost like she like lacks this fire that creates
22:02
Speaker 2: confidence that allows her to set boundaries so true allows
22:05
Speaker 2: her to stand up for what she believes in. Or
22:07
Speaker 2: if there's behavior that doesn't feel right for her, it's
22:09
Speaker 2: like if she's too that way, too feminist, she can't
22:11
Speaker 2: show up in that way where she puts her foot down.
22:14
Speaker 1: And then the opposite is true as well. So when
22:16
Speaker 1: you are.
22:17
Speaker 2: Like too rigid and structured and masculine, it's like you
22:21
Speaker 2: are unable to soften into intimacy and relationships where you
22:24
Speaker 2: can then allow your partner to take care of you,
22:27
Speaker 2: and you struggle to receive and you struggle to trust,
22:30
Speaker 2: and then it's like you can't allow your partner to
22:32
Speaker 2: come and take care of you in the way that
22:34
Speaker 2: you emotionally need. And so I think it's really important
22:38
Speaker 2: to just know that like safety and discipline does equal
22:40
Speaker 2: true feminine power, but it's like when you can create
22:44
Speaker 2: it for yourself, you can then pull out different parts
22:48
Speaker 2: of these traits when you need them. You know, so, yes,
22:51
Speaker 2: you can be soft and feminine beautiful, but you also
22:54
Speaker 2: have that fire where you knew how to set boundaries.
22:56
Speaker 2: And then when you have that masculine structure, you know
22:58
Speaker 2: how to drive a business forward, but you also know
22:59
Speaker 2: how to soften to your partner when you go home
23:01
Speaker 2: at night.
23:02
Speaker 1: It's just beautiful because that polarity of masculine feminine super
23:04
Speaker 1: import right and being in your true feminine essence is receiving. Yes,
23:08
Speaker 1: true feminine. She is flowing. She does love to receive,
23:11
Speaker 1: and she doesn't have any guilt or shame around receiving.
23:13
Speaker 2: No, But it's like the combination of both is what
23:16
Speaker 2: actually makes you in your most feminine power. It just
23:19
Speaker 2: depends on how strong and how like equal those two are.
23:23
Speaker 2: Integrating both of them, it's like you have an equal
23:26
Speaker 2: playing field of knowing like I can just dip in
23:28
Speaker 2: and out of these energies because I've.
23:30
Speaker 1: Built, and it's healthy for both, and it's also healthy
23:32
Speaker 1: for our masculine men to be able to tap into
23:33
Speaker 1: their feminine as well. Absolutely, if you're in your hustle
23:36
Speaker 1: like Steve and I have definitely had this over the years.
23:38
Speaker 1: Or are both hustling and both driving a business and
23:40
Speaker 1: both superstructured. It destroys a polarity, absolutely about butting heads
23:44
Speaker 1: and you can't connect in that beautiful, soft, intimate way.
23:46
Speaker 1: And it's really changed the last since my brain ieurism.
23:49
Speaker 1: The best thing that happened to me allowed me to
23:51
Speaker 1: slow down, soft and check in, connect more with him,
23:54
Speaker 1: trust him to hold me through all of that, and
23:56
Speaker 1: it just strengthened our relationships. Oh, I love this so much.
24:00
Speaker 1: I love this so much.
24:01
Speaker 2: We put pressure on men, right, No, no, no pressure, but
24:04
Speaker 2: we expect men to do it all. We expect them
24:07
Speaker 2: to do it all. We want them to provide, we
24:09
Speaker 2: wanted to take care. We want them to be our protector.
24:11
Speaker 2: But then we also want them to be emotionally available. Yeah,
24:13
Speaker 2: that emotional availability is the feminine side. The protector and
24:16
Speaker 2: provider is the masculine. And then I imagine men for us.
24:20
Speaker 2: They want us to do and be at all too.
24:22
Speaker 2: They want us to be able to logically understand where
24:24
Speaker 2: they're at and meet with them on that level, how
24:26
Speaker 2: to support them, be you know, strong emotionally and be
24:30
Speaker 2: able to hold them in all of their stuff, which
24:31
Speaker 2: is the masculine, and then also know how to soften
24:35
Speaker 2: as well so that we can receive which is the feminine, and.
24:38
Speaker 1: The feminine holds in a different way to a masculine too. Absolutely,
24:41
Speaker 1: it's more like nurturing and softer and listening, yeah, rather
24:45
Speaker 1: than fixing.
24:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, providing solutions. Yeah, guilty, guilty. I did that the
24:50
Speaker 2: other day.
24:51
Speaker 1: Yes, working on that.
24:55
Speaker 2: Well.
24:55
Speaker 1: I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I think it's
24:57
Speaker 1: a really important topic to bring in and just something
24:58
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of us women are really
25:00
Speaker 1: struggling to find that middle ground and find that balance.
25:02
Speaker 1: That's why I want to talk about it because we've
25:03
Speaker 1: been on both ends of the spectrum and it's important
25:06
Speaker 1: to figure out how to have both. It's both are
25:09
Speaker 1: super important.
25:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just as somebody who like kind of
25:12
Speaker 2: leant towards the more softer side, as someone who has
25:16
Speaker 2: been in it, it's super disempowering to feel that you
25:19
Speaker 2: can't take care of yourself, yeah, and that you can't
25:22
Speaker 2: be structured or disciplined or committed or followed through because
25:25
Speaker 2: those are the usually the stories that come with being
25:27
Speaker 2: quote unquote softer. Right, is that I'm not strong in
25:31
Speaker 2: this area over here, so I lean towards this area
25:33
Speaker 2: because it feels safe and comfortable and it doesn't evoke
25:35
Speaker 2: any discomfort in me, and the same goes for the
25:38
Speaker 2: other way. So I think it's just it's empowering to
25:40
Speaker 2: know someone who's on the other side of it. I mean,
25:42
Speaker 2: it's still a work in progress, but it is the
25:45
Speaker 2: most empowering thing that you will do when you stop
25:47
Speaker 2: buying into like the soft gold culture and you learn
25:50
Speaker 2: how to become autonomous for yourself, beautiful, strong in.
25:52
Speaker 1: Yourself, beautifully said. Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
25:55
Speaker 1: We'll see you the next one. Bye.