Latest / Camp Classics / Burlesque (2010)

Transcript

Burlesque (2010) · Camp Classics

• 0:00
  Get away from her you bitch. Classic.
• 0:05
  He was in the Amazon of my mom when she was researching spiders
• 0:09
  right before she died. No.
• 0:13
  Hi, no, you thought you become a prostitute or a dog at it.
• 0:18
  I used to love doggy chow. I used to love doggy chow too.
• 0:23
  I will not be. I knew you were going to go for
• 0:29
  that one. Well, well, seeing as I'm the
• 0:33
  singer of the duo, it makes sense to Go and Cher say the
• 0:36
  line. I will not be upstaged by some
• 0:40
  slut with mutant lungs. I'm Crystal.
• 0:44
  How many God damn times have I peeled you off the sidewalk?
• 0:48
  How many blackouts? And how many times have I held
• 0:51
  your head over the toilet bowl? Well, you throw up everything
• 0:54
  but your memories, Crystal. I'm baby lame.
• 0:57
  Should we say the other one together?
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  Oh, we that basic? Oh no, let's do it, Wagon Wheel.
• 1:04
  Want to see? We're going to have to lean into
• 1:06
  basic today. Welcome to camp.
• 1:10
  Classic. A thoughtful podcast about
• 1:13
  really high quality movies. Every two weeks, us 2 benders
• 1:18
  sit around and discuss gay little movies and decide if
• 1:21
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• 1:23
  Actually, I'm glad you brought that up.
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  This wasn't even have we? Taken over the world.
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  US, OK. I think that's what that means,
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  Samantha. Jones. 6% in Canada, 5% in
• 2:01
  Australia. Also 6% in Canada.
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  They they hate you in Canada. There's not many people.
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  There's not many people in Canada.
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  We've got .3% of our listeners in India.
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  Keynes. 20 yeah. Oh, so is that that sounds like
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  we need to do a live podcast from.
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  I think Milton Keynes, we're coming to you soon.
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  Coming to a roundabout near you. We've got 6 listeners in Salt
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  Yeah, we have 5 listeners in Auckland, New Zealand.
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• 2:40
  and there's one person listening in Iceland.
• 2:42
  Oh. Just just one.
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  Just one. OK, well, there's lots of
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  territories we haven't. Yeah, cracked.
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  I mean, we've, they're listening to us in Finland, in South Korea
• 2:51
  and Sweden, in Germany. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
• 2:54
  Well, thank you for listening. Yeah, it's to another year of
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• 3:19
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  I don't think anyone's ever said that about me before.
• 3:24
  Yeah, you're not AI though are. You.
• 3:27
  No, I am better. I am one tiny, meager step above
• 3:31
  that. Yeah, OK.
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  But yeah, but maybe not authentic and real, but OK.
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  So you're like the middle between AI and?
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  streets. You never forgot where you came
• 3:48
  from. No.
• 3:50
  A bin. OK, we're going to get on
• 3:52
  today's movie. But before we do, it's time to
• 3:55
  have a little rummage in our suggestion sack.
• 3:57
  We still called the suggestion Sack, Yeah.
• 3:59
  We are still looking for a better name for the suggestion
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  soon be processed with suggestion sack on it so if.
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  You've got anything better? We want to know, but.
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  No, I think you should fist the suggestion sack today.
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  OK with those wizardy ads. Oh, that's it a bit deeper.
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  OK, what have we got? OK, right.
• 4:25
  An upcoming movie on the podcast that we will be covering is Oh
• 4:31
  This Is Fun Mannequin suggested by Jade.
• 4:40
  Oh, that is a good one. Yeah.
• 4:42
  Kim Cattrall. Yeah, great.
• 4:44
  Hollywood. I haven't seen it for so many
• 4:46
  years. Like years and years.
• 4:48
  Hollywood. Do you remember the new gay
• 4:50
  black guy? No.
• 4:52
  But I do remember him, but I don't remember him saying
• 4:54
  Hollywood. I don't.
• 4:55
  I think his name's Hollywood. His name's Hollywood, yeah.
• 4:57
  The visual merits and Jazzer, and that's something of a
• 4:59
  different movie, but great. I'm really excited by that one.
• 5:02
  Thank you, Jade. I don't know when we're covering
• 5:05
  this. It'll probably be in March.
• 5:06
  Yeah, but great. Thank you, Jade.
• 5:08
  Also load us up with your more of your suggestions.
• 5:11
  This every suggestion gets entered into our sack.
• 5:14
  I mean, that's just like the rules of feminism.
• 5:16
  But baby, before we go any further, what makes a camp
• 5:19
  classic? Well thanks for asking Crystal.
• 5:22
  A camp classic is something that unlocks queer joy.
• 5:25
  In the words of the icon herself, Megan Fox.
• 5:28
  We won a wedding. It needs to be stupid.
• 5:32
  It needs to have an ongoing legacy and inform queer pop
• 5:34
  culture and ultimately should be anti mainstream with underdog
• 5:38
  flop vibes that's been reclaimed by the F slurs.
• 5:42
  And today we are covering burlesque.
• 5:47
  Burlesque. This movie.
• 5:51
  Fucking hell. Wow.
• 5:52
  What a ride. What is your history with the
• 5:55
  film Burlesque? I think, I think it's informed
• 5:58
  my life in many ways I haven't know.
• 6:02
  I saw. I love that, right?
• 6:04
  Yeah, camp clue, you have done a drag number from this this
• 6:08
  movie. Oh yeah, bitch, I am a good
• 6:11
  girl. I was just thinking of you when
• 6:14
  she was doing it and I prefer your version.
• 6:16
  Oh do. You.
• 6:17
  Oh, I thought, well, it is. It is the acting debut.
• 6:22
  It is soul acting debut. Not even a cameo in another film
• 6:25
  of Miss Ekstina herself. Yeah.
• 6:28
  She does OK, Yeah, I think. What about you?
• 6:30
  What's your history? I must have seen it when it came
• 6:33
  out. I was already pretty snobby, so
• 6:36
  I was definitely too good for it.
• 6:38
  I do. You know what?
• 6:39
  Going into this episode, I was like, this is one of those ones.
• 6:42
  This is every now and again, Crystal gets a little bit snobby
• 6:45
  about certain films, and she's a little bit too.
• 6:48
  Fucking good. For them.
• 6:50
  And do you know what? I knew that this was going to be
• 6:52
  that film, and I knew you were going to be like, Nah, you think
• 6:55
  you're very clever, don't you? But I get like that as well,
• 6:58
  with certain feels. I'm like, well, I'm never going
• 7:00
  to like that because it's the coolest thing.
• 7:02
  Oh, fuck you. But yeah, I could.
• 7:04
  I knew that you'd be Snooty about this.
• 7:06
  Oh, absolutely. But I mean, it's from an era of
• 7:09
  like Sex and the City, the movie Devil Wears Prada, you know?
• 7:16
  Oh, this film and Devil Wears Prada are very.
• 7:18
  Similar, yeah, sister films. And it's it's like when when
• 7:21
  studios realized, oh, there are huns and we can take their
• 7:25
  money. And gays as well.
• 7:26
  Huns and gays and and now we're in the like post that era where
• 7:30
  it's like, and we've realized now we can turn those franchises
• 7:32
  into musicals and brunches and like it's just.
• 7:36
  And now we're past that. It's.
• 7:37
  Slop isn't it? But I, I enjoyed it then.
• 7:41
  I've watched it since, and I watched it this weekend.
• 7:43
  And it, you know what? It went down smooth.
• 7:45
  OK. No Lube needed.
• 7:47
  It was easy. Yeah.
• 7:48
  We're covering burlesque. I'm excited to talk about this.
• 7:50
  There's so much to say. I have, I mean, and now we're
• 7:55
  part of visual podcast. We're not fully I have pages of
• 7:58
  notes and just our listeners listen.
• 8:02
  I have. It's like I've written a
• 8:04
  dissertation on this. OK, I don't have that much, but
• 8:08
  there is there's so many places we can go with this because, you
• 8:10
  know, you and I both have like burlesque history.
• 8:13
  We've both been in the nightclub circuit.
• 8:15
  So there's all of that to talk about.
• 8:16
  There's Christina, who we're welcoming to the podcast, Cher
• 8:19
  who were welcoming. We haven't had a Cher movie.
• 8:21
  We haven't, so welcome to the podcast, Cher.
• 8:24
  It's just like. How do you Christine Wig?
• 8:27
  Wig. Did you just say wig?
• 8:28
  No, that's not Kristen Wig. What's her name?
• 8:30
  Kristen Bell Oh Christine Wig is the good one.
• 8:32
  I thought you were just talking about her, Kristen.
• 8:33
  Bell Oh yeah, we'll get to the wigs.
• 8:36
  I mean, that's one thing about this.
• 8:38
  I know wig. I feel that already.
• 8:41
  And is the films directed by Steve?
• 8:43
  Anton. From PCD connection fame.
• 8:47
  Yeah, yeah, there's. Cat Dolls.
• 8:49
  Yeah. So let's get into the context of
• 8:50
  this movie. It is.
• 8:51
  It is a wild ride. So this movie was basically
• 8:54
  built around Christina Aguilera, who wanted to finally do a
• 8:57
  movie. She's 2930.
• 8:59
  I think she was turning 30 when they were shooting and she had
• 9:02
  recently appeared in The Pussycat Dolls live review.
• 9:05
  I guess this yeah this is post them being a girl group but they
• 9:08
  must have still had some kind of live show.
• 9:10
  Still done those bits, yeah. Was this also she had she done
• 9:13
  back to basics which? Was yeah, that's more like 2005.
• 9:16
  Which? Is kind of like, oh, I'm a
• 9:18
  little, you know, Oh damn. Shucks.
• 9:22
  It's very Bugsy Malone, wasn't it?
• 9:26
  Yeah, she. Well, I'm doing it for the
• 9:28
  American listeners, you know, so.
• 9:30
  I go back to basic we got. We got 4048% of our listeners
• 9:35
  here from America, so we better get talking in their language.
• 9:38
  She do. You remember her song Shake your
• 9:40
  tail Feather with Nelly? I fucking loved that.
• 9:43
  Fact for you, Britney did it originally and there's a demo on
• 9:46
  the Internet that is an AI. So, I mean, we've just said it
• 9:52
  all, you know, you understand now the world we're in, we're in
• 9:55
  the the late 2000s, fifties revival period.
• 10:02
  Robin Anton is at the top of her game.
• 10:04
  She has founded The Pussycat Dolls.
• 10:06
  Dude, I'm just going to read you some of the people who've been
• 10:07
  in The Pussycat Dolls. I bet I can name some.
• 10:10
  Yeah, I know. Gwen.
• 10:11
  Yeah, Carmen Electra was one of the OG ones, wasn't she?
• 10:15
  The first like famous person to do it.
• 10:17
  Fergie. Fergie done it.
• 10:18
  Fergie. I like this game, Oh, Cameron
• 10:22
  Diaz. Not on my list.
• 10:24
  Give a shit. Not on my list but she but but
• 10:27
  Cameron. I feel like they did it in
• 10:29
  Charlie's Angels. They did in Charles Angels in
• 10:32
  maybe Full Throttle, I can't remember now.
• 10:33
  Yeah. Who else?
• 10:35
  Britney's done it, Pink's done it, Deed of Aunties, Jamie
• 10:38
  Presley, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.
• 10:40
  It's really a who's who of who's tried to be sexy in their life.
• 10:46
  I mean, you would though, wouldn't you?
• 10:48
  I mean, Oh my God, Like we'll get into it, but these are some
• 10:51
  fucking in numbers. Yeah, so with that, now enter
• 10:54
  the picture. Steve Anton.
• 10:55
  He is Robin Anton's brother, gay brother, gay brother.
• 11:00
  You think he was an actor? He was hot.
• 11:03
  He. Was hot.
• 11:04
  Yeah, he was like, he was a beautiful twink.
• 11:07
  OK. He dated what's his face the
• 11:12
  David Geffen for a year. Oh of of record label.
• 11:16
  Of record label OF was in a relationship with Cher for a
• 11:20
  year and is the richest man in show business.
• 11:24
  He's got like $9 billion. So David Geffen swung by foes.
• 11:28
  Yeah, he was straight in the 70s when he dated Cher.
• 11:31
  Oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah. And then Steve Anton meets him
• 11:34
  at a party in Hollywood. They get together for a year and
• 11:37
  this is like. Sorry, I'm just cringing.
• 11:39
  As I said, oh, swung both ways. Oh greedy bisexuals.
• 11:44
  I'm like, who the fuck am I? It feels reductive.
• 11:49
  Sorry, listeners. Then Steve gets together with
• 11:52
  Clint Culpepper who is the president of Screen Gems.
• 11:57
  These two are in a relationship like a made-up company.
• 11:59
  I know I've heard one. These two are in a relationship
• 12:01
  for 20 years. Screen Gems is done like
• 12:03
  Resident Evil, Easy A and basically Clint gets a call from
• 12:09
  Christina's agent saying Christina wants to do a movie.
• 12:11
  And him and Steve had already talked about how the pussy got
• 12:14
  to also make a good movie. And so they're like, quick,
• 12:16
  write something really fast, We'll get it to Christina.
• 12:19
  And so it's all kind of happening at the same time, just
• 12:21
  like everyone's in the right place, the right time.
• 12:22
  Stevens got the PCD connection. He's got a boyfriend who has a
• 12:26
  production company and and Christina's like, I want to do a
• 12:30
  movie. And it's just like all kind of
• 12:31
  fell into place, but the movie was basically written for her.
• 12:34
  Meanwhile, Nicole Shirt Singer is waiting in the wings, furious
• 12:38
  that she hasn't been given this as a vehicle.
• 12:40
  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I bet that was true,
• 12:41
  actually. But.
• 12:42
  I watched it this weekend. I didn't know any of The
• 12:44
  Pussycat Dolls thing. I was like, what in The Pussycat
• 12:46
  Dolls is going on in this movie? And then you find all of this
• 12:49
  out and you're like, oh. Yeah, because it is.
• 12:50
  It is like a long form Pussycat Dolls music video, which fine,
• 12:54
  I'm here for. Yeah, fine, no problems.
• 12:56
  It had a budget of 55,000,000, which was the most expensive
• 12:59
  movie Screen Gems had done at this point.
• 13:02
  And it was a hit, modest hit at the box office, took 90 million.
• 13:06
  So it didn't quite make its budget back.
• 13:08
  But then it took another 50 million in an home video sales.
• 13:11
  And it's had like quite an ongoing legacy.
• 13:13
  One would say it's recently been is it?
• 13:16
  Did it do Broadway? No, I think just West End.
• 13:19
  I'm not sure it's good to do Broadway, but.
• 13:22
  Is it still on? No, I don't think so.
• 13:24
  Maybe. Touring.
• 13:25
  Tour, Yeah. Probably and Lester, but.
• 13:27
  There's Todrick in it. Yeah, it's all very Todrick
• 13:31
  Hall, isn't it? And but Chris Extina was one of
• 13:35
  the executive producers, so she still claims it, whereas I
• 13:38
  believe Cher. Cher has hate this about this
• 13:41
  film. I also think she was pissed
• 13:44
  because apparently her songs been dropped from the musical as
• 13:46
  well. Maybe it hasn't actually.
• 13:48
  Maybe I've just made that up, But she hates it.
• 13:50
  She hates this film, Yeah. I'll, I'll get to her her
• 13:54
  review. It has it got a decidedly mixed
• 13:57
  reviews from critics. I would say it has.
• 13:59
  They weren't. Ready for its GP?
• 14:01
  37% on Rotten Tomatoes and the website's critical consensus
• 14:07
  reads Campi and cliched burlesque wastes it's talented
• 14:11
  cast, including a better than expected Christina Aguilera on a
• 14:14
  movie that wavers uncertainly between bad and so bad it's
• 14:17
  good, I think it's pretty fair I.
• 14:20
  Mean, I feel like there may be odd jobs done.
• 14:22
  Yeah. Because she is quite good in it,
• 14:24
  yeah. She's quite good.
• 14:26
  It also got 2 Razzie noms, worst actress and worst supporting
• 14:29
  actress and people were upset at the time.
• 14:31
  They said that that wasn't deserved.
• 14:33
  Cher is in worst. Yeah, OK.
• 14:36
  There's lots of things I think I would give this worst
• 14:38
  screenplay, worst script, worst director.
• 14:41
  Sure. I'm I'm not.
• 14:42
  I don't think it deserves worst actress.
• 14:44
  No, I I agree with you. Yeah, it's just that classic
• 14:47
  thing of a of a singer dares put her head above the parapet and
• 14:50
  try something artistic. She tries, she throws herself
• 14:54
  out there in an acting role and people are just ready to tear
• 14:56
  her down, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:59
  There isn't a lot of goodwill in the world for Christina.
• 15:01
  Aguilera yeah. I mean, I have feelings about X
• 15:04
  Tina in this movie that we'll get to, yeah.
• 15:07
  OK, that's the context. Anything else we need to say?
• 15:09
  I feel like I'm. I feel like I can feel the
• 15:12
  stripy stockings on my legs. I feel like I'm in the world.
• 15:16
  Yeah, like you're stepping it in, Yeah.
• 15:18
  It's like a little sailor hand. Music.
• 15:20
  I've had a little shake and it's like I'm going to turn and I.
• 15:32
  And that is the opening scene. We meet Alice Marilyn Rose.
• 15:37
  But listen, we're not in the world of burlesque yet.
• 15:40
  Oh no. We're in acoustic serious.
• 15:43
  Iowa. Iowa.
• 15:44
  It's very crossroads coded. It's.
• 15:46
  Very crossroads coded. Ali.
• 15:48
  Marilyn Rose. Alice, Marilyn Rose.
• 15:51
  I mean, she was always going to end up a stripper with that
• 15:53
  name. I actually did a countdown to be
• 15:56
  precise with time codes. 26 seconds in we see her and I'm
• 16:01
  going to say it, bam wig. 26 seconds in and she's a
• 16:08
  strawberry blonde. Banged.
• 16:11
  Frizzy Dry No. I don't have any issues with
• 16:16
  wigs but for this one I'm like why is XD wearing a wig?
• 16:20
  It doesn't make any sense. Because it's like, it's, is it
• 16:22
  really to like separate her from Christina and like character of
• 16:27
  Ali? Make her a brunette.
• 16:29
  Yes. Make her a brunette that when
• 16:31
  she gets to LA she gets to start wearing wigs, you know, and that
• 16:35
  can be the storyline, and then she's blonde.
• 16:38
  No. But because that's, you know,
• 16:40
  that's a journey we can all relate to the serious brunette
• 16:43
  and the the slutty blonde. Like give us.
• 16:45
  That. This makes no sense.
• 16:47
  She's just like, it is such a bad wig.
• 16:49
  Do you wear wigs? One of the worst wigs because
• 16:53
  it's trying so hard to to to convince you it's not a.
• 16:56
  Wig. Oh, honey, we get gas lit later
• 16:58
  on down the line. Well, no, spoiler alert, we do
• 17:00
  have you worn wigs? When when it's like Stanley
• 17:03
  touchy, he goes to her. Oh, I think you look good with a
• 17:05
  Bob. And she's like.
• 17:06
  I can't cutting my hair. Instead, we're going to cut your
• 17:09
  hair wig. It's like, do not gaslight us
• 17:11
  into thinking this is your real hair from the start, you whore.
• 17:15
  When will you wear wigs? Especially when she's lit in
• 17:20
  daylight. There's a few shot like there's
• 17:22
  that montage of her walking down the street in LA and she's doing
• 17:25
  like the choreo. That light, that wig, could not
• 17:28
  handle being seen in natural light.
• 17:31
  And they're also like, oh, she's versatile.
• 17:33
  I can tie her up a bit. It's a wig.
• 17:37
  But do you know what the wig is wigging throughout this film?
• 17:40
  So. It's a delight.
• 17:42
  Welcome to the podcast Christina Aguilera's Wig.
• 17:45
  There we go. Where's her Worst Supporting
• 17:47
  Actress nom at the Razzies? The one thing just before we
• 17:52
  move, I mean we're never going to, but I was watching the
• 17:57
  making of and the makeup artist is talking about how at the
• 18:01
  beginning of the movie when you first meet her, she's so fresh
• 18:05
  faced, innocent, no makeup. She is.
• 18:12
  That's a funny 1. She is caked.
• 18:16
  Yeah. Every.
• 18:17
  You've never see Christina without like a full cut crease,
• 18:21
  smoky eye, like a pan stick all over the face.
• 18:25
  She is caked in makeup from the second you see her.
• 18:28
  And that's what you expect from Christina Aguilera.
• 18:30
  But don't try and tell me she's an innocent girl with no makeup,
• 18:34
  fresh faced, just turned, just turned up and.
• 18:36
  And yeah, it's wild. This.
• 18:39
  Is like, you know, I don't want to be 1 of someone to put the
• 18:41
  Britney and Ekstina against each other.
• 18:43
  But like, at least that is what what Britney did do.
• 18:46
  Well, the all American girl, like, oh, look at me without a
• 18:49
  stitch of makeup on my eye. But like Xena is, she's ready.
• 18:53
  She's already at the boudoir. She's ready to perform.
• 18:57
  It would have it would have been a good idea again, make her
• 19:00
  brunette and let's have her bare faced at the opening scene.
• 19:04
  Or at least, you know, a light coverage and maybe a bit of
• 19:08
  mascara. But like, let's see her be that
• 19:10
  girl. It's an interesting thing
• 19:13
  because I find the whole sort of like meeting Ali for the first
• 19:15
  time really interesting because it's interesting that, like, not
• 19:18
  only are the hair and makeup artist team gaslighting us into
• 19:21
  believing that she's this like small time girl, but like from
• 19:24
  the get go, Ali's not particularly like hometown, you
• 19:28
  know, with big dreams, like something a bit different.
• 19:31
  She's already a bit of a bitch, like from the get go.
• 19:34
  Do you know what I mean? She's not she's not this like
• 19:37
  girl that then gets, you know, seduced by the world of
• 19:40
  burlesque and become something. She's a pretty nasty character.
• 19:43
  And I have camp clues throughout the film that that keep this in
• 19:47
  mind. But yeah, from the get go, she's
• 19:49
  she's saying I'm taking what's mine.
• 19:50
  She knows what she wants, doesn't she?
• 19:51
  She's taking money from the register, she's giving it to her
• 19:54
  workmate and she's I think she's already quite edgy.
• 19:58
  Yeah, I actually quite quite like that about this.
• 20:01
  You're like 2 minutes into the movie and you already know
• 20:04
  everything you need to know about this girl.
• 20:05
  She's down on her luck, she's got big dreams, she won't be
• 20:09
  taken advantage of, and she sounds like a foghorn.
• 20:18
  I get a feeling that I never, never, never, never had before.
• 20:21
  No, she can belt it. She yeah, she's getting out of
• 20:25
  this town. She closes up shop and she sings
• 20:27
  some Etta James. And it is.
• 20:29
  It is a belter. It's a belter and I particularly
• 20:32
  love the intercut with the very, very cheap ass PCD wannabes.
• 20:37
  Yeah, who was it from? The burlesque show?
• 20:38
  Just to kind of tease what's about to happen.
• 20:39
  But they look cheap. So she moves to LA to chase her
• 20:45
  dreams. It with the smallest suitcase in
• 20:46
  the world, might I add. Nobody has a suitcase that
• 20:49
  small. No, she she gets asked at the
• 20:51
  bus station one way return and she says you're kidding, right?
• 20:55
  I liked that line. That was like maybe the best
• 20:58
  written line in the whole movie. Too bad it happens 2 minutes in.
• 21:01
  Yeah, we're, I mean, we're already in, we're in the world
• 21:06
  of showgirls, aren't we? And do you think that might have
• 21:08
  been a reference for this? Movie.
• 21:09
  What a delight. What a delight.
• 21:11
  This is showgirl's younger sister who isn't quite ready to
• 21:14
  be exposed to the sex, drugs and lesbianism of showgirls.
• 21:19
  And it's like, no, you can this, this is like Barbie's little
• 21:22
  sister. What was she called?
• 21:24
  Oh, I don't know, You know what I mean?
• 21:25
  But it's like what? That one's safe for you to play
• 21:28
  with this. That's what this movie is.
• 21:30
  But we're always happy to see, you know, a girl chasing.
• 21:33
  Her dreams. And like Nomi's little sister,
• 21:35
  Ali is a bit like, oh, I'm sick of my crazy bitch older sister.
• 21:38
  Like she's so like, Ali's more. Yeah.
• 21:42
  And. There's a montage of beautiful
• 21:44
  people by Marilyn Monroe. Monroe, I mean.
• 21:52
  Marilyn. Manson, which again slightly
• 21:55
  problematic, flared to it. I also enjoy that she so she's
• 22:00
  in her apartment, isn't she where she's staying?
• 22:03
  And it's such a rough place, but it has a postcard available
• 22:07
  where she can go. I'm here.
• 22:09
  Oh yeah. It's like we can't be that bad
• 22:11
  if there's like a postcard and then but then straight away she
• 22:15
  rips it up and can't clue again why Christina Aguilera in this
• 22:18
  film is a bad person. She just litters out the window.
• 22:21
  She's just like, fuck LA and just throwing it out.
• 22:24
  Yeah. So there's going to be a little
• 22:25
  camp clues as to why she's the worst human.
• 22:27
  Being great. So great.
• 22:29
  I'm ready. I'm ready.
• 22:30
  Yeah. She's.
• 22:31
  She can't find a dancing job. No surprising really.
• 22:34
  Have you seen how she does job hunting?
• 22:36
  She just walks around and then just crosses things.
• 22:38
  Like this girl wearing this really weird wig came in and
• 22:41
  asked for a job. And then she's just parading
• 22:44
  down the street. She doesn't look like she's
• 22:46
  really hunting. For jobs, but.
• 22:47
  She I love that trope in a film. I love it so much.
• 22:50
  I mean, he should have done it. There's a film, Dolly Parton
• 22:53
  Straight Talk, which does it beautifully, the same scene, but
• 22:56
  she does it with like, red lipstick and red nail varnish
• 23:00
  straight. It just crosses off things with
• 23:02
  red nail varnish and it's just perfect.
• 23:04
  Yeah. And again, in that film, you see
• 23:07
  Dolly go in for the different jobs and there's a bit where
• 23:09
  she's dancing. And then at the end, this guy
• 23:11
  goes, great, now show us your tits.
• 23:13
  And it's all, it's all they should have.
• 23:14
  They should have referenced that more in this.
• 23:16
  Right. But they were.
• 23:17
  Yeah. This was not a tawdry movie.
• 23:19
  This is a classy movie. This isn't strippers because Ali
• 23:23
  turns up at the burlesque club and she's like, is this a strip
• 23:26
  club? And how do we know it's a
• 23:28
  burlesque club? Because Alan Cummings is there.
• 23:31
  Alan Cummings is there. He works the door.
• 23:33
  As the MC for a yeah. And he says the the only poll
• 23:38
  you'll find in here is the shock girl.
• 23:40
  Is that what he says? Something like that, yeah.
• 23:42
  Yeah, Alan Cumming horribly wasted in this movie.
• 23:46
  Yeah, I know. It's just like he's literally
• 23:48
  just playing a cartoon version of himself.
• 23:50
  Yeah, quickly, before she gets in, I just want to point out
• 23:53
  when she's drawn into the. Yeah, the Burlesque Lounge, it's
• 23:56
  called. It would.
• 23:57
  You would have thought it would have had a slightly more
• 23:58
  interesting name. Yes, The Burlesque Lounge isn't
• 24:01
  it. And we see the stripey tights.
• 24:05
  She has stripey tights. She's pulling them up, not
• 24:07
  fishnet. It's just like circusy stripey
• 24:09
  tights. And it looks like Ali is
• 24:11
  cruising her from afar because Ali also is a massive cruiser in
• 24:15
  this film. She is like trying to fuck
• 24:16
  everyone. With you're right, you're right.
• 24:19
  I mean, this whole the number of times in this movie that it
• 24:23
  someone's performing and it cuts to someone in the audience
• 24:26
  watching. Wanting.
• 24:28
  Yeah. Waiting.
• 24:29
  Or like, or they're either like, oh, I want that.
• 24:32
  I could do that. Or they're like, oh, I'm
• 24:34
  casually impressed. Or oh, I'm pissed that she's
• 24:37
  doing so well. It's just like, how many
• 24:39
  reaction shots can we have in a single movie?
• 24:42
  So she's at the burlesque club and then we see Cher.
• 24:48
  Being Cher. Chair welcome to burlesque.
• 24:51
  She performs one of three songs in this movie with the word
• 24:55
  burlesque in the title. A hard word I'd say to like fit
• 24:59
  into a song. Oh well, not not not if you're
• 25:02
  in this movie. Still have a lot of rhyming
• 25:04
  words. It's it's quite clunky.
• 25:07
  No one's really quite sure how to use it.
• 25:09
  Like, are you welcoming? You're welcome to burlesque, but
• 25:11
  you can also show you how to burlesque.
• 25:14
  So it's a verb and a noun and a place and a thing and a.
• 25:18
  Yeah, it's a lifestyle. Do we want to say anything about
• 25:21
  Cher's opening performance? I'm sold straight away.
• 25:24
  I mean, what's the not to love about?
• 25:26
  Yeah, Cher. I mean, she looked great.
• 25:31
  I love the choreography. I love.
• 25:34
  I just love love. I'm just like, look at me, I'm a
• 25:37
  fucking mess. I used to share.
• 25:39
  No, it's great. Yeah, it's, I hate to be this
• 25:43
  faggy, but yeah, it's just like, wow, I love looking at Cher.
• 25:49
  It's as simple as that. It's just like.
• 25:52
  One of one of the best lids are eyelids.
• 25:57
  You just want to like look at her eyes with shimmers on them.
• 26:00
  It's so nice. I what I will say is this is
• 26:03
  where we get to a point where, you know, no matter what what
• 26:06
  happens with the rest of the movie, you you actually are
• 26:09
  looking at like really well choreographed type musical
• 26:13
  numbers. They're actually shot this is
• 26:15
  like 15 years old now, this film isn't it?
• 26:17
  And they're actually they're shot beautifully.
• 26:18
  Like they the musical sequence is because they're referencing
• 26:22
  something from like a past style aren't really that dated.
• 26:26
  They are kind of just beautifully shot numbers.
• 26:28
  So again with that I'm like and tick.
• 26:31
  Yeah, and Cher sounds great, and I think she's very well cast in
• 26:35
  this, like it's a, it's a great role for her, even though she
• 26:37
  now hates the movie. Christina also meets Jack the
• 26:40
  bartender. I will say so I've just looked
• 26:42
  at my yeah, we're about to find out that like the the club's in
• 26:46
  trouble. There's a few clues as to why
• 26:50
  it's in trouble. Have you looked at the fucking
• 26:52
  club? The amount of lights, the set,
• 26:55
  there's like 20 dances. The number of staff working
• 26:59
  backstage. The band, how many people?
• 27:01
  There's like a live band that are introduced.
• 27:03
  If you if like whenever you see Christina backstage, there's
• 27:06
  always like 20 people running around with headsets that are
• 27:08
  like sound and light people like.
• 27:11
  Whoa, this is a small burlesque lounge.
• 27:14
  And frankly, the running cost of that, like of course you're
• 27:17
  going to be in trouble. It's giving like the biggest
• 27:20
  West End show you've ever seen level levels of staff.
• 27:24
  One of production, yeah. Spectacular, yeah.
• 27:27
  But this is like 7 nights a week.
• 27:29
  Yeah. Like we've we've worked in what
• 27:33
  I would say would actually technically be the equivalent of
• 27:35
  this place. I'd say Bethel and Green Working
• 27:37
  Men's Club is a good example of like, yeah, Cabaret Lounge
• 27:40
  rundown down on its luck. How many staff do you think we
• 27:44
  ever had? Maybe one person on the door if
• 27:48
  we're lucky, one person on tech, and maybe someone helping with
• 27:51
  stage. Yeah, maximum, maximum.
• 27:54
  Yeah, Well, one thing though, I particularly enjoy how moved
• 27:58
  Extina was by Cher's performance at the end of it, because she is
• 28:02
  literally breathless. She's like panting or she's
• 28:06
  having a stroke. I couldn't work it out, but I
• 28:08
  was. Yeah, she was moved.
• 28:10
  Yeah, I think. But as you just said, I think
• 28:12
  that's what we would be like. Imagine if you still share do
• 28:14
  that. You'd be.
• 28:14
  Totally. I also think it's a, it's
• 28:16
  actually a very accurate representation of what does
• 28:19
  happen if you are a certain kind of person and you go to a really
• 28:22
  good cabaret show or really good burlesque show or a really good
• 28:25
  drag show and you see it for the first time.
• 28:28
  You are like that, yeah. You're kind of hooked and
• 28:31
  you're, you suddenly become that annoying person who wants to go
• 28:33
  backstage and tell everyone how amazing they are and ask how you
• 28:35
  can do it. And I want to do it.
• 28:36
  Can I join a class? And and I mean, that is
• 28:38
  literally what happened to me. Yeah, like it.
• 28:42
  I went to a alternative burlesque show in Montreal and I
• 28:44
  was like, oh, I want to do that. And so then I did, and I started
• 28:47
  burlesque shows. And started kissing arse with
• 28:49
  everyone backstage and yeah, doing all of that, yeah.
• 28:52
  I mean, yeah, because obviously I fully understand.
• 28:55
  We, we meet a new character now, don't we?
• 28:58
  We meet Nikki. Nikki.
• 29:00
  And she instantly dismisses Exteno as like go get me a
• 29:05
  martini. Like fuck off basically.
• 29:06
  And it's like, I've been that person.
• 29:08
  Like get out of the fucking dressing room.
• 29:10
  You don't belong here. It's the worst thing ever.
• 29:12
  Fuck off. We're literally in the middle of
• 29:14
  the show. There's no space and now you've
• 29:16
  seen a mirror and you're not even performing and now you want
• 29:19
  to look at yourself. It's like, honestly it is the
• 29:21
  worst thing as any performer to have people all backstage in a
• 29:24
  dressing room that don't belong there.
• 29:25
  Oh, I just have a drink. I just like.
• 29:27
  It's one, it's one thing after the show if like everyone's
• 29:30
  relaxing, blah, blah, blah, but like, yeah, don't go backstage
• 29:34
  during the numbers. But there is a camp clue here.
• 29:38
  Just before this we've met. What's his name?
• 29:41
  Who's the love interest guy? Jack.
• 29:43
  Jack. Yeah.
• 29:45
  Another camp clue as to why Christina Aguilera in this film
• 29:48
  was a terrible person because of her homophobia that she scatters
• 29:52
  throughout the film. Yes.
• 29:54
  So she says something along the lines that he's gay.
• 29:57
  What? You wear more eyeliner than me?
• 30:00
  So just just what? Listen out.
• 30:02
  She's also transphobic because backstage with Kristen Bell
• 30:06
  Nikki, she says no one would ever know you're a dude, which
• 30:10
  apparently was supposed to be a joke that she looks like a drag
• 30:13
  queen. But.
• 30:14
  Yeah, it reads as yeah. So, yeah.
• 30:16
  So again, we in this movie, we're meant to be buying the
• 30:20
  Ali's the New Girl. She's innocent.
• 30:23
  No, she's coming in backstage. She's like ripping apart people
• 30:27
  and being transphobic. So yeah, not exactly the most
• 30:30
  likeable character so far, but. Christina also played Samantha
• 30:35
  on a Sex and the City sketch on Saturday Night Live, and the gag
• 30:38
  at the end of that sketch was her saying I'm a dude.
• 30:43
  That's not the first time she's made a transphobic joke.
• 30:46
  Literally calling someone a woman a dude.
• 30:48
  So there. Well.
• 30:49
  There we go. That's that's lovely for her,
• 30:51
  isn't it? Yeah, Oh.
• 30:53
  Sorry, Kristen Bell. Kristen Bell.
• 30:55
  You know who else went up for that role?
• 30:56
  Who? Jessica Biel Fine and Lindsay
• 30:59
  Lohan. Can you imagine?
• 31:02
  Now I'm seeing it. Yeah, I'm seeing it.
• 31:05
  Yeah. I mean, Kristen Bell was like, I
• 31:07
  saw an interview and she was like, oh, I feel so grateful
• 31:09
  that they saw something in me, that they saw the the darkness
• 31:13
  in me and gave me the chance to play.
• 31:14
  And I get that. As an actor, that's what you
• 31:16
  meant to do. She's not enough for me.
• 31:18
  Yeah, she's not enough. She doesn't sell.
• 31:21
  I've seen her. She's obviously played a bitch
• 31:23
  many times, like in the Good Place.
• 31:25
  She's kind of doing a great version of that character
• 31:28
  doesn't work in this one for some reason.
• 31:31
  She's she's not, she's not arch enough.
• 31:34
  Yeah, she's not giving headliner.
• 31:36
  She's like, there's something a bit too kind of normal about
• 31:39
  her. Yeah.
• 31:39
  Whereas it's like, I feel like if they really were going to
• 31:42
  nail this character, it should be that like we've, we've all
• 31:45
  seen them like the untouchable burlester like.
• 31:49
  Sure, that would have. Been good for them where they
• 31:51
  are like and they know how to turn it on, but they also know
• 31:54
  how to fucking give you a look like you're a piece of fucking
• 31:57
  shit without saying anything. You also just think about like
• 32:00
  Emily Blunt in The Devil Wears Prada and how well she sells
• 32:04
  cunt. Yeah, and that's missing here.
• 32:08
  And maybe it's because the comedy isn't there in this
• 32:09
  movie, but. But it's also just that thing of
• 32:13
  like, I do think Exene probably would have been better by the
• 32:19
  bad girl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:21
  It's it is hard to park everything you know about
• 32:25
  Christina and then place her as like innocent.
• 32:33
  Yeah, at this time, she didn't have a particularly great
• 32:36
  reputation for being a kind yeah diva.
• 32:39
  Like, you know, you, you hear a lot of pop stars talking about
• 32:41
  each other and there's people like Mary J Blige saying how
• 32:44
  mean and nasty she is. Oh, really?
• 32:46
  Yeah. There's a bunch of people round
• 32:47
  about this time that are. And I don't want to be like, oh,
• 32:50
  XD is the worst person in the world.
• 32:51
  But there's like, she had a bit of a reputation for not being
• 32:55
  the nicest person who said she needs to be nice to people
• 32:58
  anyway. But like, yeah.
• 32:59
  So there's a waitress shortage in the bar, so Ally just picks
• 33:03
  up a tray and begins serving. She's like, I'm just going to
• 33:05
  make them give me a job. And so she gets a job, wedding
• 33:08
  tables, and she we get a montage of her watching the shows and
• 33:12
  learning the ropes and she's like, she's watching, she's
• 33:15
  watching the burlesque shows and just fantasizing about being in
• 33:18
  the numbers. There's another clue why this
• 33:19
  place is going down. Did you see the way they were
• 33:21
  pouring the drinks, the free pouring?
• 33:23
  They are literally pouring and it's like pouring, overflowing
• 33:27
  on the thing. I'm like, we need to do an audit
• 33:29
  on the bar here guys because you are just pouring spirits on the
• 33:32
  floor. Honey.
• 33:33
  This is how you throw a party, amigo.
• 33:35
  Nose bitch. We learned the club is in
• 33:37
  financial stress as you've said, and then that we meet hot jerk
• 33:40
  Marcus who wants to buy the club and turn it into condos but Cher
• 33:44
  doesn't want to sell. I wonder what will happen there.
• 33:47
  It's like. Oh God.
• 33:49
  Can we also mention Stanley Tucci as?
• 33:51
  Well, yeah, yeah. Playing gay?
• 33:53
  Yeah, same gay this guy in every single gay film he's in.
• 33:58
  Yeah, it's, is it OK? I mean, he does well.
• 34:01
  He does do very well. He's, he's really good gay.
• 34:05
  It's very that errors idea of gay.
• 34:09
  It's Queer Eye gay, isn't it? It's like very palatable, kind
• 34:13
  of desexed. Well, and he does get a bit
• 34:16
  later and. I think actually the way he that
• 34:19
  plays out with him because he's kind of like Blase about it and
• 34:22
  just like, yeah, I kind of don't hate it, but he is playing the
• 34:26
  same characters. The Devil Wears Prado.
• 34:27
  It's exactly the same. In fact, they could be he could
• 34:31
  be like he's he's in the magazine and but I particularly
• 34:36
  enjoy something he says, which I think is very you coded because
• 34:40
  he's like people come to see the girls dance and lip sync to the
• 34:43
  great singers and not sing live. And I just was like, wow,
• 34:47
  that's, that's Crystal's opinion on drag right there.
• 34:51
  Look, if you Can't Sing incredibly well, lip sync lol
• 35:01
  stare. Yeah.
• 35:03
  I just think also there's quite a few people who who are great
• 35:06
  lip synchers and good dancers who don't need it anyway.
• 35:14
  Christina's apartment get Ally. Christina's apartment gets
• 35:17
  broken into and she loses all her money, so she moves in with.
• 35:20
  That happens when you tempt a toilet.
• 35:22
  Yes, stupid. Haven't you seen Coyote Ugly?
• 35:25
  That literal plot point happens. Well, that's because they had
• 35:28
  seconds to write the dialogue for this, so they're like, fuck,
• 35:32
  add something in like that, yeah.
• 35:34
  Yeah, this movie, The plots of this movie and Coyote Ugly are
• 35:37
  the same. Yeah.
• 35:38
  But yeah, she. She moves in with Jack
• 35:40
  temporarily. And then Georgia, this is Julian
• 35:43
  Hoff. She's one of the lead dancers,
• 35:45
  becomes pregnant, so the auditions are held in search of
• 35:48
  her replacement. And Ali storms on stage even
• 35:52
  though she wasn't invited to audition and she.
• 35:54
  She. Kind of.
• 35:56
  She performs, according to Wikipedia, a difficult dance
• 35:59
  routine, Wagon Wheel, what to see, and she persuades Tess to
• 36:03
  hire her. Now, this is, I think, the first
• 36:05
  time we're really seeing Christina move.
• 36:08
  It's not. It's not great.
• 36:10
  It's fucking terrible. It's like, it's like now we're
• 36:13
  watching an SNL sketch because it's like we've really hyped up
• 36:18
  how much she wants it. We've hyped up all of the kind
• 36:21
  of performers in the show. So you're kind of expecting it
• 36:24
  to like really kill it and it is just.
• 36:27
  She can't. Just like a little chipmunk.
• 36:29
  She can't really do the wagon wheel to see, turns out.
• 36:34
  She can't keep his eyes off of her.
• 36:36
  Yeah, it's, it's tough. I mean, I actually watched like,
• 36:39
  what the Wagon, what the Watusi is.
• 36:42
  It's like a 50s dance craze. It is kind of what she's doing.
• 36:45
  So they were like doing something referencing.
• 36:48
  But yeah, the camera can't do long shots of Christina when
• 36:52
  she's doing the choreo, I feel, because we can just see that she
• 36:55
  can't really do it. And then you contrast that with
• 36:57
  like Elizabeth Berkley and Showgirls and you're like, OK.
• 37:00
  She's. Manic extra, whatever.
• 37:03
  But like, it's fun to watch her move.
• 37:06
  Yeah. And you don't feel comfortable
• 37:08
  watching Christina do it, do you, Tom?
• 37:11
  My husband is a dancer, and he was watching us, Like,
• 37:13
  straighten your arms extend. He was so angry with her.
• 37:17
  No. I mean what kind of turn was
• 37:19
  that? Do a PK turn.
• 37:21
  Well, she's not here to just be a dancer.
• 37:23
  She's here because she is the voice.
• 37:25
  Well, we'll get to that, but that kind of sums up one of my
• 37:28
  problems with this movie. But she gets hired.
• 37:30
  She she gets a spot in the show and.
• 37:32
  Then the ray of light by Madonna comes in and we are like oh this
• 37:36
  is actually has happened in Devil Wears Prada with Stanley
• 37:39
  too. She's.
• 37:41
  And him showing her the ropes while Ray of Light and while
• 37:44
  she's learning. It was vogue in Devil Wears
• 37:46
  Prada. OK, but but Ray of light is in
• 37:48
  Devil Wears Prada is that? So are you thinking of And
• 37:51
  suddenly I see. No, I'm pretty sure ray of
• 37:54
  lights in there as well. It's like a montage thing.
• 37:56
  I could be wrong but I'm that's why I was like I've been here
• 37:59
  before. Yeah, it's the exact exact same
• 38:02
  thing. And yeah, you're just watching
• 38:04
  Christina walking down the street with her earbuds in,
• 38:07
  practicing the choreo as she walks down the street.
• 38:09
  She's going to get this. She's committed.
• 38:11
  She's going to learn it. She's still wearing that wig
• 38:14
  though. So it's busy, busy, busy.
• 38:17
  Life of a show girl. Life of a show girl.
• 38:18
  Life of a show girl. Ends of the day.
• 38:20
  Oh, oh, girls, do you want to go and get some pizza?
• 38:24
  Yeah, I love that. And then they like, just go down
• 38:26
  the stairs. Thing is, she's left alone.
• 38:28
  She hasn't got a pizza. She can see them walking down
• 38:31
  the stairs. She.
• 38:31
  Could just followed them. Yeah, it's not like they've run
• 38:34
  off. No, but no.
• 38:35
  So there. Was an open invitation.
• 38:37
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 38:38
  Poor Christina. Left all alone.
• 38:40
  Just go with the girls. You've got to.
• 38:42
  We've already learned you're the kind of girl who goes after it.
• 38:44
  Also, what is pizza code word for?
• 38:47
  Because those girls are not eating pizza with their bodies.
• 38:49
  Right. Cocaine, yeah.
• 38:51
  Yeah, let's go and have some cocaine.
• 38:54
  Or in show girls it would be you guys want to go smoke some
• 38:56
  grass, which is nice. Yes.
• 38:59
  Oh God, whenever you compare it to show girls and you're like oh
• 39:01
  if this was show girls someone would have their tits out and
• 39:04
  they'd be talking about getting fucked.
• 39:06
  No boohoo. Christina So then she's in the
• 39:10
  mirror and. With a full face of makeup
• 39:13
  already. On yeah.
• 39:14
  And Cher comes in and is like, let me help you do your makeup.
• 39:18
  And they have a bonding scene where Cher does her makeup.
• 39:21
  What I would say is that she does actually put eyeliner on
• 39:23
  her. Yes, she does put eyeliner on.
• 39:25
  I counted the seconds. It took Cher 10 seconds to paint
• 39:31
  on that red lip. And like, I'm not a makeup
• 39:34
  person, but you look at how precise that red lip is.
• 39:38
  That is not a 10 second with a paintbrush.
• 39:41
  Oh no bitch, no. What in the sorcery is going on?
• 39:44
  That is probably I think the campus thing in this film is
• 39:46
  that Cher puts on lipstick that Immaculate in 10 seconds.
• 39:49
  Yeah, well, Christina always looks like she's been shot in
• 39:51
  the face by that makeup gun from The Simpsons.
• 39:54
  Dad. Women won't like being shot in
• 39:55
  the face. And so maybe that's what Cher
• 39:59
  did, like in the cut. She just, like, pulled the
• 40:01
  trigger on the makeup gun. Yeah.
• 40:05
  But we're getting really getting to see their acting skills in
• 40:07
  this scene. Do you think Cher made-up these
• 40:10
  lines? The clip that first scene they
• 40:13
  did together was the scene where Christina's like barging into
• 40:16
  the dressing room and she's trying to get Cher to listen to
• 40:18
  her and then she has to like, keep talking, blah, blah, blah.
• 40:20
  And she said Stanley Tucci. And the Cher just immediately
• 40:23
  started ad libbing. And she was totally thrown
• 40:26
  because she had her lines all memorized and then nothing was
• 40:28
  correct. And she was like, fuck, what do
• 40:29
  I do? And so she just had to go with
• 40:30
  it. Yeah, because like Cher wasn't
• 40:32
  Cher just like this dialogue is terrible.
• 40:35
  Yeah, because. And yeah, because I've seen Cher
• 40:37
  talking about that as well. And she just said that her and
• 40:39
  Stanley took. She was just like hamming it up,
• 40:41
  going full on. And she was like, Christina was
• 40:44
  hot. She was.
• 40:45
  And I'm like, Oh, yeah, So OK, fair play to Christina for
• 40:49
  keeping up because you do kind of see that with some of Cher's
• 40:52
  dialogue. There's a bit of a kind of a
• 40:54
  cooler edge to it. And it would make sense if she's
• 40:57
  just sort of doing it in her own way.
• 40:59
  Yeah. Because it doesn't seem as.
• 41:01
  I mean, the plot points are still Pony, but a lot of her
• 41:04
  reactions to things are a bit more.
• 41:06
  I know what you mean. I agree.
• 41:07
  Yeah, But that I mean, that makeup scene.
• 41:09
  This movie also has one of my favorite bad things, which is
• 41:12
  just like people constantly rubbing dry clean makeup brushes
• 41:16
  across the their face as though they're doing something just
• 41:19
  like big fluffy brushes, just bashing their cheeks with them.
• 41:22
  You're like, what are you doing? What are you?
• 41:24
  Why are you holding an eyelash spoolie?
• 41:26
  What are you? What are you doing with that?
• 41:28
  There's nothing on it constantly like so many times in this
• 41:31
  movie. Rant, rant, rant.
• 41:33
  Makeup you. Ever just realized how much of A
• 41:36
  cliche of yourself you've become?
• 41:38
  Yes, it feels reductive. OK I bet I literally couldn't
• 41:44
  speak when we were talking about the first share number.
• 41:47
  I was left deemed speechless by it.
• 41:51
  Ali replaces Nikki one night on stage after Nikki is too
• 41:54
  intoxicated to perform. Well, that's, sorry, that's not
• 41:58
  factually correct because let me tell you as someone with
• 42:01
  performance experience, you can never be too intoxicated to go
• 42:05
  on the stage. So that is an that's not correct
• 42:08
  about the burlesque world. I should know.
• 42:12
  I have. I have performed at places where
• 42:15
  they don't let you drink. Really.
• 42:16
  Yeah. Like theatre, it doesn't let
• 42:19
  you, does it? Was like someone who ran the
• 42:22
  club was like, I don't like people drinking backstage.
• 42:25
  You get the best performances I think.
• 42:27
  Sorry. From drunk people.
• 42:30
  Sorry, I know it's a toxic thing to say, but it does take the
• 42:32
  edge off. It does take the edge off I.
• 42:33
  Like to rock out. I like to go nuts.
• 42:36
  I like to lose myself on stage, but once again, so Extin has
• 42:41
  been offered the role. Oh, but I wouldn't want to step
• 42:44
  on anyone's toes. Sure you wouldn't Ally.
• 42:47
  You are like the most cutthroat bitch there is.
• 42:50
  What is it? Gina Gershon says.
• 42:51
  If you're standing there hoping for a spot, someone gets in your
• 42:55
  way, step on them. If you're the only one left
• 42:59
  standing there, they hire you. That is the lesson that she that
• 43:04
  ally. Is where we realized that Ally
• 43:05
  isn't Nomi's little sister. She's actually.
• 43:08
  Crystals. Crystals.
• 43:09
  Yeah, that's actually she's. Their daughter, because they had
• 43:14
  a child together, which obviously does happen if you
• 43:16
  were to continue the story of show goals.
• 43:18
  Oh, my God. Ali is the daughter of Naomi and
• 43:22
  Crystal. I see it.
• 43:23
  She's both of them. Yeah.
• 43:26
  Oh my God. Do you think that she got she
• 43:29
  was like poking holes in Julianne Hoff's boyfriend's
• 43:32
  condom to get her pregnant so she could get her spot?
• 43:37
  Yes, totally, totally. Throwing.
• 43:42
  Beads rent his car. I mean, that would make a great
• 43:45
  film. So Ali's on stage in Nicki's
• 43:48
  spot, and Nicki's pissed, so she tries to sabotage it by turning
• 43:53
  off the music. And you know what Ali does?
• 43:57
  She's got a secret weapon. Oh no, I won't share.
• 44:05
  I mean, this is a camp clue, a moment where the music cuts out
• 44:09
  and someone has to just rely on their natural talents to
• 44:13
  succeed. Mean Girls.
• 44:15
  Yeah, yes. I think it happens in A Star is
• 44:19
  Born. It doesn't Lady Gaga do that?
• 44:21
  I. Haven't seen that.
• 44:22
  Film, right? Well, I think it happens.
• 44:24
  I think it happens in Coyote Ugly.
• 44:25
  There's that Hilary Duff clip. Oh, it happens in glitter with
• 44:28
  Mariah Carey as well. Yes, the exact same thing.
• 44:31
  It's almost like they've gone. What happened in glitter again?
• 44:35
  Like this movie, you know you're in trouble if you're going to
• 44:37
  glitter for a plot. Point, I mean, we'll cover
• 44:40
  glitter at some point, yeah, but yeah, camp clue, Ali impresses.
• 44:44
  She just belts it out and everyone's like, Oh my God, the
• 44:48
  girl can sing. Is like the most cliche looking
• 44:51
  prostitute I've ever seen in my life.
• 44:53
  They've got full on prozzie with these outfits.
• 44:57
  I love it. But she's like a prostitute from
• 44:59
  like, like a top of Streets of Rage.
• 45:02
  Yeah, Tom of Finland. Like, yeah, it's like.
• 45:05
  It's leather zips. Yeah, it's, it's hot.
• 45:09
  Yeah, she looks fucking great. But.
• 45:11
  Everyone's so impressed with Ali's voice that Cher decides to
• 45:15
  build a whole new show around her because people are going to
• 45:18
  pay to see her. And one thing they must have is
• 45:21
  time to rehearse and change musical direction for all of
• 45:24
  this. Yeah, let's go.
• 45:26
  So then we get more shows, more montages, more wages.
• 45:28
  A good girl, which we said. Sensational, utter, utter,
• 45:32
  cinematic masterpiece. I would love to be part of that
• 45:35
  performance. I just want to say it.
• 45:36
  That's a great look. This is where she unveils the
• 45:39
  Bob. Yeah, and she's like rolling
• 45:41
  around. In the cinema, she really she
• 45:43
  really sells the the she really sells this number.
• 45:45
  Yeah, she doesn't sell them all, as I said, like her dancing.
• 45:48
  It doesn't bear up under like close scrutiny, but when it's
• 45:52
  like a really produced a fun looking number, I think she does
• 45:55
  a great. Job and within these medley we
• 45:57
  get more tension between Nikki and Ali as well so we get Nikki
• 46:01
  saying oh you're the farm girl from Iowa and then Ali returns
• 46:06
  that with we know a cow when we see one that's a good line yeah
• 46:10
  it just rolls off the tongue for Ali though doesn't.
• 46:13
  It Ali starts dating Marcus because Jack is has a fiance so
• 46:16
  he's not interested. So we find out about dead mum.
• 46:19
  That's phone Dead mum. That's just a picture though,
• 46:22
  isn't it? It's a Bob we learn about air
• 46:24
  rights. Oh yes, we're learning a lot of
• 46:27
  stuff. Very.
• 46:27
  Quickly. Yeah, it's all happening, this
• 46:29
  interspersed montage. Really just someone someone has
• 46:34
  come up with air rights now. This is very ChatGPT.
• 46:38
  Preform. It's like, right, I'm writing a
• 46:41
  story I need to come up with like an interesting plot that's
• 46:44
  going to hang off of everything else.
• 46:47
  When Air Rights comes up. It's it's really.
• 46:50
  Weird. It is such a bonkers like plot
• 46:54
  device to hang a movie on, but I love it.
• 46:57
  I wouldn't have it any other way.
• 46:58
  And then Cher sings her big ballad written by Diane Warren.
• 47:02
  The song won a Golden Globe I. Must say, where's the dance
• 47:05
  remix? Yeah, I want it to.
• 47:08
  Must be. There must be, there must be.
• 47:12
  Cher was apparently mad it didn't get an Oscars nom, and
• 47:16
  Steve Anton wanted to cut that number.
• 47:18
  He said he didn't think it fit with the movie, and it seemed in
• 47:21
  Congress it was 80s power ballad and it just didn't feel right.
• 47:24
  And apparently Cher said if you cut that number, I won't do any
• 47:26
  press. And who won?
• 47:28
  It won a Golden Globe, the only, not the only award this movie
• 47:31
  won. I mean, she does need it in the
• 47:33
  show because otherwise this is one of the problems I have with
• 47:36
  the film. Like, she does sort of more and
• 47:39
  more just sort of get pushed to the back of the movie, doesn't
• 47:41
  she? Yeah.
• 47:42
  And it's like you'll share. At the end of the day, that must
• 47:45
  be really fucking difficult. It is like meant to be a vehicle
• 47:48
  for you as much as it is meant to be a vehicle.
• 47:50
  For and also this movie requires the levels of like a ballad
• 47:55
  because it doesn't really make sense to put it into the show,
• 48:00
  even though Christina does do a ballad as well.
• 48:02
  But like all of the show numbers are quite samey, like, and after
• 48:06
  a certain point you're like, OK, how many times can I hear a horn
• 48:09
  and like watch someone do a? Dinner does D Madonna in show me
• 48:15
  they was express yourself yeah, but less because she's like
• 48:18
  girls it's like very like. ESPESS Burlesque.
• 48:28
  Can I quickly just jump back as well?
• 48:30
  What do you think of Marcus? Do you think he's hot?
• 48:32
  I kind of found him quite hot, yeah.
• 48:33
  Of course he's. Hot.
• 48:34
  He's like rich. Yeah.
• 48:35
  I just didn't know if it was just me being kooky or.
• 48:37
  No, that's that's a man who, like the aesthetic gods, rained
• 48:43
  their gifts on. The fucking shoes though that he
• 48:46
  buys her. They are the most rancid fucking
• 48:52
  Louboutins I have ever seen in my life.
• 48:54
  Is that someone has glue gunned some lace flowers?
• 48:58
  Lace flowers, pearls, some like some of those big Swarovski
• 49:02
  gems. They're they're so high, like
• 49:05
  the platform stack. They are disgusting.
• 49:09
  Yeah, she had her eyes on them. Yeah, at the party.
• 49:12
  And then lo and behold. They turn up OK.
• 49:15
  We're approaching the finale of the movie.
• 49:17
  We're about to enter the longest 24 hours in movie history.
• 49:21
  I don't know if you clocked this, but the rest of the movie
• 49:22
  now takes place in one day. Oh, does it?
• 49:25
  Yeah, I'm not. So they go to George's wedding.
• 49:27
  What about have you had the fight?
• 49:29
  Have we done the fight with Tessa?
• 49:30
  Oh, no, I was going to skip over that.
• 49:32
  Yeah, let's talk. Let's cover the fight.
• 49:33
  Yeah, because. Again, this is like, Cher's
• 49:36
  trying desperately to get some drama and actual scenes into
• 49:40
  this, isn't she? So this is where we find out
• 49:44
  that Kristen's been drinking again, She's going to quit the
• 49:46
  club, she's going to drive off. But we're getting the maternal
• 49:49
  side from Tess being like, don't drive, don't drive.
• 49:51
  And then it's essentially like, I will not be upstaged with some
• 49:55
  slut with mutant lungs. I'm getting out of here.
• 49:58
  Tests like don't drive, don't drive.
• 49:59
  And then it's like, oh, just so you know something, I slept with
• 50:02
  Vincent the night of your wedding.
• 50:03
  Yeah. And then Cher crowbars the
• 50:06
  window. It's so good tire.
• 50:08
  I think it's a tire iron. Oh, OK, yeah, fabulous.
• 50:12
  Oh, look, you're not just technical with the makeup.
• 50:15
  Also car car equipment. Yeah, she just, Kristen's just
• 50:19
  driving past and like, without even missing a beat, Cher pops
• 50:22
  the hood of her car, pulls out the thing and smashes the window
• 50:25
  like in one's fluid motion. She knows exactly where that
• 50:28
  tire iron is. She's like, I, I've got time.
• 50:33
  I have fantasized about doing that to cars with my bike so
• 50:37
  many times, like bashing a side mirror with my handlebars.
• 50:41
  Because when someone's a cunt to you on a bike, you're like.
• 50:44
  I want to get them. That weapon, though, is a good
• 50:46
  one because it's just, it's you. You know that like even if
• 50:49
  you're not that strong, that's going to do a decent bit of
• 50:51
  damage. Don't.
• 50:52
  You and she also has the line if you want to pour tequila on your
• 50:55
  Cheerios. It's a great line.
• 50:57
  Yeah. Oh.
• 50:59
  But again, really, Cher's fighting the good fight here
• 51:02
  because ultimately we don't care about this and we care more
• 51:05
  about airplanes. Airplanes.
• 51:12
  Yeah. The other thing, just watching
• 51:14
  Cher, you're just like, if you told me that was Chad Michaels
• 51:18
  doing a Cher impression the entire movie, I would kind of
• 51:20
  believe it. Like she's gone into parody of
• 51:23
  Cher territory. And it's like, it's so much.
• 51:26
  It's so fun. She's like one beat away from
• 51:29
  going home. She does it, does she?
• 51:31
  Yeah. And like she you watch her like
• 51:33
  do her little lick clip. Oh yeah, she does the lick,
• 51:35
  Yeah. The way her voice sounds, yeah,
• 51:37
  it's like she's internalized the parodies and it's it's
• 51:41
  wonderful. It seems like she's having fun
• 51:44
  even though she's probably in her head like this fucking pony
• 51:47
  movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 51:48
  Piece of shit, can't believe I agreed to do this.
• 51:51
  Because I kind of like every single scene of drama that she
• 51:54
  has, like, you know, someone calls her out on something and
• 51:58
  she's just kind of like, there's a there's a scene and it feels
• 52:00
  very Sherry. And I kind of in my hopes, I
• 52:03
  hope that she sort of made-up this dialogue.
• 52:04
  There's a bit where it's like Cher calls out Christina for
• 52:08
  dating Marcus. And yeah.
• 52:11
  And then Cher's like, don't go with him.
• 52:14
  He's he's a bad guy. And then Christina's like, is
• 52:17
  that because this information is more beneficial for me or for
• 52:20
  you? And then Cher's just kind of
• 52:22
  like Fairpoint. I can't answer you.
• 52:24
  And I feel like it's such a small bit.
• 52:26
  I feel like in most films it would just be like a more black
• 52:28
  and white answer, but it's just a bit more nuance.
• 52:30
  Was sharing this movie. Yeah, I would far more willing
• 52:35
  to give her the credit that like whenever something was good, it
• 52:38
  was Cher's doing because I don't think it was Steve Antons.
• 52:41
  No, no, no, no, no, no. OK, yeah, so now we're in the
• 52:44
  longest 24 hours of movie history.
• 52:46
  So we start at Georgia's wedding.
• 52:49
  Also why are we focusing on Georgia?
• 52:51
  Like because Ali keeps on referencing her in the movie
• 52:54
  like she's her friend or something.
• 52:55
  It doesn't matter. No one cares.
• 52:57
  But Jack breaks up with his fiance at the wedding and gets
• 53:00
  drunk and he and Ali sleep together.
• 53:02
  Then we have it cut with Christina doing a ballad at the
• 53:06
  club. Now, I don't know when that took
• 53:08
  place, but this is not happening contemporaneously with them
• 53:12
  fucking. And also, you do think, because
• 53:14
  they've been teasing all this time that Jack's a songwriter
• 53:17
  and you're like, oh, this is very crossroads.
• 53:18
  I'm not. And you think, oh, this is the
• 53:20
  song. This is the song.
• 53:21
  Because it's this big old Sia song, isn't it?
• 53:23
  It's like I am Brown to you. But no looking gorgeous in that
• 53:30
  green. Honey, the wig is wigging there.
• 53:34
  Yeah, she's giving Vivian Westwood.
• 53:36
  Yeah, it's, it's fab. Yeah, one of my favorite looks
• 53:38
  in the movie. Then it's the next morning, his
• 53:41
  fiance comes home and catches them in bed.
• 53:45
  So Ali leaves and goes to Stanley Tucci's house and sees
• 53:48
  him in bed with the wedding DJ. She has no problem just going
• 53:52
  into his bedroom even though he's sleeping naked from a
• 53:55
  hookup. But anyway.
• 53:56
  Well, she also doesn't seem at this point particularly
• 53:58
  emotional with what's happened with Jack, considering that was
• 54:01
  meant to be a big like, upsetting things.
• 54:03
  And then she gets a call from Marcus and it's like, Oh well,
• 54:05
  Jack, I'll just go to Marcus. So still be.
• 54:08
  Fair is what I would do if I was in that situation.
• 54:10
  I'd be like, screw that little fucking black tea boy.
• 54:16
  The eyeliner. In a real man who owns condos
• 54:22
  so. To be fair, in all that Marcus's
• 54:25
  credit, he does give her a good time.
• 54:27
  Yeah, like other than like he wants to destroy the ESP, but
• 54:31
  also he actually says it. He's going to give share a load
• 54:36
  of money. He wants to pay her $1,000,000
• 54:38
  anyway. Capitalism.
• 54:40
  Yeah. So then she goes to Marcus's
• 54:42
  house. She realizes his plan to tear
• 54:44
  down the club. So then she goes to see Ted.
• 54:46
  So. She leaves very quickly.
• 54:47
  Yeah, well, she's at this point. She's been at today, she's been
• 54:50
  at Jack's house, Stanley Tucci's house, Marcus's house, she's
• 54:53
  gone to the club and now they're going to go to the condo
• 54:55
  developer over the roads office. This is all still the same day.
• 54:59
  They are really like people in the writers room are like, we
• 55:02
  need to end this, end this. Movie.
• 55:05
  So you're right, so much is happening now.
• 55:08
  So she goes over the road to see the condo developer who has the
• 55:12
  building across the road from the club and they convince him
• 55:17
  to buy the air rights above the club.
• 55:18
  This man is Barbra Streisand's ex-husband.
• 55:21
  Oh. Sure.
• 55:23
  And also Josh Brolin's dad. It's James Brolin.
• 55:27
  Then she goes back to the club and Jack and Christina
• 55:30
  reconcile. He says he's left his fiance,
• 55:34
  and then that day ends. Is there anything we need to
• 55:36
  cover in any of that nonsense? I mean.
• 55:40
  You're right, There's a whole lot of lot of nonsense just
• 55:42
  happening there. Just going through my notes.
• 55:44
  I mean, no, not really. Stanley Tucci's one night stand.
• 55:47
  Do we care? We kind of talked about it.
• 55:49
  Yeah, it kind of is possible. Yeah, it's fine.
• 55:52
  Yeah. I kind of to be fair, they could
• 55:53
  have played that in a lot kind of more generic gay way.
• 55:57
  And I actually think that's kind of how a lot of gay hookups hack
• 56:01
  happen in the sense of like, they don't remember each other's
• 56:03
  names. They're kind of a bit cool with
• 56:05
  each other. Yeah.
• 56:05
  It's not like. It it was a little, it was a
• 56:09
  little annoying, but it wasn't as bad as that could have gone.
• 56:13
  Wake up call, gays are annoying. Yeah, fair.
• 56:17
  But I did, I did find it kind of annoying that they're like, the
• 56:20
  implication is that Stanley Tuchi's character has been a gay
• 56:22
  slut and like, they need to settle him down before the end
• 56:25
  of the movie. You know, would have been nicer
• 56:28
  if he'd been like, I don't know, does he need to settle down?
• 56:31
  Can he just have the like, slutty one night stand and
• 56:33
  they'd, like fuck and then they never see each other again?
• 56:35
  Whatever, Who cares? But.
• 56:36
  Then you'd be complaining if that was, yeah.
• 56:38
  Exactly. Because you're fickle.
• 56:40
  I am. But yeah, there's a whole lot of
• 56:43
  bullshit happening now in the movie.
• 56:44
  Isn't that they're just like going at it hammer and Tong.
• 56:48
  I mean, I don't believe that Ali is qualified to explain airspace
• 56:53
  from her air rights, s s air rights from her seconds long
• 56:59
  conversation with Marcus about it.
• 57:01
  And then I then also don't believe, having found out how
• 57:04
  bad a businesswoman Tess is, that she is then also capable of
• 57:09
  going to someone and striking a huge, huge.
• 57:13
  Deal within like minutes because they've got this point, 24 hours
• 57:18
  to save the club. Also, if I was Tess in this
• 57:21
  situation, I'd be like, shut the fuck up X Dina, because it's the
• 57:23
  way she chips in and, you know, she's doing her comedy bit now,
• 57:26
  isn't she? You should really listen.
• 57:28
  Yeah, if I were you. Listen, it's just I'll shut up.
• 57:32
  We know you've done comedy because we saw you prat fall
• 57:34
  earlier in the movie. X Tina, you ticked your.
• 57:38
  When did she prat fall? She falls over when she's, you
• 57:40
  know, she goes to Jack's apartment for the first time and
• 57:43
  she's like, oh, oh, oh, kooky. She falls on the floor because,
• 57:48
  you know, she's a kooky girl. So we've already got that You
• 57:52
  you're ticking all the boxes. And then we've got the final
• 57:54
  scene. So Jack has been working on a
• 57:56
  song the whole movie that he's not ready to show.
• 58:01
  And this is this is proof all along, Ali was right.
• 58:07
  Jack is gay. And there's a fact that he's gay
• 58:11
  because the song that he's, you know, this masterpiece that he's
• 58:15
  been working towards is drum roll.
• 58:18
  Show me how you burlesque underneath the city lights.
• 58:23
  Yeah, which includes a gorgeous lyrics such as Get Your Ass Up.
• 58:27
  Show me how you burlesque. Gay gay.
• 58:33
  God, I'm so glad he found the confidence to release his music.
• 58:38
  I'm also just like with the stage production of this last
• 58:41
  number, I'm like, oh honey, you're going under very soon.
• 58:44
  You've got a couple more months. If you carry test, Test carries
• 58:47
  on spending like this those letters alone.
• 58:50
  I do love the era where everything had to be spelled out
• 58:53
  in giant letters though. Like you didn't, you didn't know
• 58:56
  you were watching a pop song unless there was a diva standing
• 58:59
  in front of her own name and in giant letters, Mimi, you know,
• 59:03
  Fergie, everyone did it. It was so great.
• 59:06
  And that's that is the film Burlesque?
• 59:09
  Yeah, I mean it, it does sort of just crumble down to the ending
• 59:12
  at the end, but. I don't think it ever had like
• 59:16
  legs. It never had the potential of
• 59:19
  being a good movie, so it's not like the ending is then
• 59:21
  disappointing. I think the first question I
• 59:25
  want to ask is does this movie feature burlesque?
• 59:30
  Oh. Would you say this is movie is a
• 59:32
  good representation of the art of burlesque Well.
• 59:37
  I think there was some really good numbers that actually,
• 59:39
  because the number I wrote, which we haven't spoken about
• 59:42
  yet, is a guy who takes his time, which has that really sort
• 59:47
  of classic arrangement. And it does give me like
• 59:50
  expensive D to Von Tease and Modesty Blaze vibes.
• 59:54
  And if I feel like that, because do you remember it's where she's
• 59:57
  like doing. Is she in the pearls?
• 59:58
  Oh no. Oh yeah.
• 59:59
  And then it ends with her standing naked.
• 1:00:01
  And. She's got the feathers.
• 1:00:03
  Yeah, Yeah. I think this movie got quite a
• 1:00:05
  hard time when it came out for not being representative of
• 1:00:08
  burlesque. I think a lot of burlesque
• 1:00:10
  people were annoyed by this movie because they were like,
• 1:00:13
  this isn't how it is, but actually like it does take care
• 1:00:17
  to I think nod at the art. But unfortunately the plot ends
• 1:00:22
  up being that it's Christina as a singer.
• 1:00:26
  And I think those two things don't really meld very well, but
• 1:00:29
  the movie does try and like, show little bits around.
• 1:00:32
  Well, listen, she does her research, Yeah, because you
• 1:00:35
  know, when Ali arrives in Los Los Angeles and she's got no
• 1:00:38
  money or she's she suddenly goes and buys lots of very expensive.
• 1:00:43
  Looking to the library, the burlesque library of LA.
• 1:00:48
  Yeah, so she she did do her research there.
• 1:00:50
  There's also you see snippets of a number with Alan Cumming where
• 1:00:55
  he's got it's kind of like a 2 ladies from cabaret, kind of
• 1:00:58
  like it's just two ladies from they're just doing 2 ladies from
• 1:01:01
  cabaret. But that's got like cheeky like
• 1:01:04
  banana props and like people doing contortion.
• 1:01:08
  That feels like it's in a burlesque show for sure.
• 1:01:10
  There just isn't really enough striptease and like there are a
• 1:01:13
  lot of numbers in this show that do not feature any tease.
• 1:01:18
  Well, yeah. I would argue though, we are in
• 1:01:20
  a world of neo burlesque, pushing the art form forward.
• 1:01:25
  But then I think neo burlesque and I think like really
• 1:01:28
  irreverent, surprising gross, like body positivity.
• 1:01:34
  I think I think, I think comedy. I think really comedy like like
• 1:01:41
  modern references. But this is what?
• 1:01:44
  This is what they were doing in LA though, right?
• 1:01:47
  I don't see these shows. Pussycat Dolls were.
• 1:01:49
  Doing, but this is what they were doing with their burlesque
• 1:01:51
  show before. They I'm not going to, I'm not
• 1:01:53
  going to like gatekeep what is or isn't burlesque.
• 1:01:55
  It is just kind of weird to call a movie burlesque and for there
• 1:02:00
  to only be 1 striptease number and it's kind of buried in the
• 1:02:04
  movie. Do you know what I mean?
• 1:02:06
  And it's like more leaning on the burlesque aesthetic, which
• 1:02:10
  is like, what if sailor hats and stripy fishnets.
• 1:02:14
  And because I guess it's like APG movie, they can't show boobs
• 1:02:17
  and tits. And I don't know, there's just
• 1:02:19
  like something that's like at odds with like the kind of movie
• 1:02:24
  this is and the theme the movie is about.
• 1:02:28
  Yeah, there. Wow, that's very straight.
• 1:02:36
  But what about what does it get right and wrong about nightlife
• 1:02:38
  culture, like nightclub culture? Because I think it's kind of a
• 1:02:41
  good representation of that. I think the whole thing is it's
• 1:02:44
  just like, and because they've done it, because they've had to
• 1:02:46
  make a commercial film, it's like there's no way any
• 1:02:48
  production has this much amazing costume or lights or like the
• 1:02:52
  whole thing is just there's no way anybody could pull that kind
• 1:02:56
  of show together. But I don't know.
• 1:02:59
  I kind of believe it in the sense of like, I believe that
• 1:03:02
  Cher has been through all forms of showbiz from like small, tiny
• 1:03:08
  shows to huge, big television, big tours and stuff.
• 1:03:12
  So I kind of believe that authenticity with it like the
• 1:03:15
  kind of like when she's performing, I'm like buying it.
• 1:03:19
  Yeah, yeah. And I think like the kind of
• 1:03:21
  backstage energy kind of works. Like again, that you wouldn't
• 1:03:24
  have the giant costume rails, you wouldn't have someone just
• 1:03:27
  looking after costume on a show like this.
• 1:03:29
  You wouldn't have a Stanley Tucci.
• 1:03:30
  But like the the idea of like a jam packed rail and then like
• 1:03:34
  everyone's scurrying around and like trying to find their
• 1:03:36
  costume and like they're being a bit of bicker backstage and like
• 1:03:39
  some cattiness, but like comedy, like, I don't know, the energy
• 1:03:42
  backstage kind of felt right. Yeah.
• 1:03:45
  And also there is the like sort of backstabbing nature of it.
• 1:03:48
  Like it is it is kind of like people are coming for each
• 1:03:51
  other's spots and like, I think that's quite.
• 1:03:53
  Yeah. And also as well the other thing
• 1:03:54
  I will argue is it can feel like it's an all-encompassing world.
• 1:03:59
  That's important. Yes.
• 1:04:01
  And like nothing outside of that world matters.
• 1:04:04
  And I think a lot of performers get in that space very easily.
• 1:04:07
  Yeah. I mean the stuff I guess that
• 1:04:09
  doesn't reflect nightlife is the script, the the plot, the actual
• 1:04:19
  basis of the film. Yeah.
• 1:04:21
  And so that's just like a tried and tested, like it's such a
• 1:04:25
  well trodden path of the yeah, the girl with the big city
• 1:04:30
  dreams, the small town girl with the big city dreams.
• 1:04:31
  And it's like, OK, but that doesn't happen.
• 1:04:35
  I don't know. It almost would have been more
• 1:04:36
  interesting to watch, like a bunch of LA sluts try and put a
• 1:04:39
  burlesque show on and like, do The Pussycat Dolls and like, try
• 1:04:42
  and convince people that this was going to be a thing.
• 1:04:44
  And like, watch them kind of attract the audience like that
• 1:04:47
  kind of a magic mic style thing because we've seen this plot.
• 1:04:53
  So. Many times, like by the time
• 1:04:56
  you've met every character, you know exactly what's going to
• 1:04:59
  happen. Every character.
• 1:05:00
  Also, if so, like, you know, why?
• 1:05:03
  For fuck's sake, is Nikki just, you know, you know, happy to be
• 1:05:05
  welcomed back into the the fold now?
• 1:05:08
  She's not headliner. She's like, second.
• 1:05:10
  That's not that wouldn't you, you would not be a headliner and
• 1:05:13
  just be like, oh, OK, I'll just be a little bitch to Ally now.
• 1:05:17
  Stepped in with no experience. So that's that's like, yeah,
• 1:05:19
  yeah. It's just like from the get go,
• 1:05:20
  you know what you're watching. It's so predictable.
• 1:05:23
  It's kind of funny to see where it lands, but there's not any.
• 1:05:27
  I mean, the stakes are high, but they're also not starting high.
• 1:05:29
  At all. But it that said, like for what
• 1:05:32
  it is, it's fun. Like it's really I.
• 1:05:36
  Also think although her character is like all over the
• 1:05:39
  shop, I don't think Christina's bad as the leading part.
• 1:05:43
  And I'm really surprised that she hasn't at least tried to do
• 1:05:47
  one other movie. I mean, it kind of makes sense
• 1:05:49
  that Britney didn't because it just feels like Britney did
• 1:05:51
  other stuff and then, you know, showbiz kind of took her in the
• 1:05:55
  wrong path. And like, it kind of makes sense
• 1:05:56
  that Britney hasn't stepped back into it.
• 1:05:59
  But considering that Christina doesn't really do music the way
• 1:06:02
  she used to now, I'm really surprised that she didn't just
• 1:06:06
  try like a thriller or something.
• 1:06:08
  A thriller or like I would have loved to see her like actually
• 1:06:11
  do you know a no makeup look like.
• 1:06:16
  Like, like, but we know that's like the Oscar winning moment.
• 1:06:18
  Yeah. Exactly.
• 1:06:19
  Do a Mariah Precious. Like, I think she actually
• 1:06:22
  probably could kind of do it. Yeah.
• 1:06:25
  Because I, I agree with you, she's not bad.
• 1:06:27
  Like there are a few times in this movie where I'm like, oh, I
• 1:06:29
  can really see you acting. But for the most part, because I
• 1:06:32
  think she does a very good job and I had my expectations were
• 1:06:35
  low. Yeah, of course, but also she
• 1:06:37
  kind of holds her own with share as well, understanding who are
• 1:06:40
  both like really accomplished comedy actors.
• 1:06:42
  I mean, we're not. This is not a serious drama at
• 1:06:45
  all. But they can hold their own.
• 1:06:47
  Yeah, I just think she hot does a good job of holding all right,
• 1:06:49
  but ultimately it's just a steaming pile of trash.
• 1:06:53
  Yeah, it's just it's a movie made by idiots for idiots, I
• 1:06:59
  feel. Well, also as well, I read that
• 1:07:02
  Steve Anton said to Cher, I don't care what you say in this
• 1:07:06
  movie, I just want to get on and shoot the next dance sequence,
• 1:07:12
  which I think. Which probably LED Cher to say
• 1:07:15
  this in burlesque, which was horrible.
• 1:07:18
  I had no love interest. I was running this troupe and
• 1:07:20
  that's who I was. It could have been a much better
• 1:07:22
  film. It was always sad.
• 1:07:23
  I was always sad that it was not a good film.
• 1:07:25
  The direct, terrible director, really terrible director and
• 1:07:28
  really terrible script. He wrote the script also.
• 1:07:31
  I remember him saying to me, I don't care about what you say, I
• 1:07:33
  just want to shoot the dance numbers.
• 1:07:34
  Had it been shorter, it would have squeaked by and been a good
• 1:07:37
  popcorn movie. I mean, yeah, says it all
• 1:07:39
  really, doesn't it, I? Actually think it could have cut
• 1:07:41
  probably 2 to 3 numbers. Yeah.
• 1:07:44
  And bit like the fact that this movie is nearly two hours long
• 1:07:47
  is pretty unforgivable. Yeah, there's too many numbers,
• 1:07:50
  too many numbers about burlesque.
• 1:07:52
  That aren't really burlesque numbers and like.
• 1:07:55
  And also and then to have this big emotional song where she's
• 1:07:57
  saying she's bound to her new love and then the way that that
• 1:08:00
  just falls apart. She's like, screw you, I'm just
• 1:08:02
  going to jump someone else. That song feels like it's all
• 1:08:05
  about like I'm taking a risk. I'm jumping over the edge.
• 1:08:08
  I'm and it's like, it's not like you've met met someone from a
• 1:08:11
  rival burlesque show. And it's like, I don't know.
• 1:08:14
  Yeah, it's so right. I mean, I guess that's what
• 1:08:16
  happens when you get 2 Divas in a movie that are both like, no
• 1:08:18
  I'm getting my ballads. Oh, yeah, It's very, you know.
• 1:08:22
  Yeah. Who have you got?
• 1:08:23
  I've got Sia. Yeah, well, I've got Diane
• 1:08:26
  Warren, which let's fight it out.
• 1:08:28
  Love it. They don't duet, which is
• 1:08:30
  interesting. That would have been good.
• 1:08:32
  Yeah, I wonder why there's no extena and shared duet
• 1:08:36
  performance. I think they had a tough time
• 1:08:39
  with scheduling. I think Cher was not available
• 1:08:41
  for very long. But yeah, I wonder why you.
• 1:08:44
  Kind of think that would be like a we that what we just need to
• 1:08:48
  make that work. They have to be on stage
• 1:08:50
  together, especially at the end or something.
• 1:08:51
  Yeah, or like. Imagine sharing there.
• 1:08:55
  Show you how to bless. But you can imagine like a
• 1:08:59
  mentor, like a gypsy sort of style number where it's like
• 1:09:05
  mentor mentee learning the ropes.
• 1:09:08
  You could do it on stage for comedy effect, but it's also
• 1:09:10
  mirroring what's happening in the movie.
• 1:09:12
  Yeah. Totally.
• 1:09:13
  I mean, that's a huge wasted opportunity.
• 1:09:16
  Yeah. I mean for me this movie is a
• 1:09:20
  glossy long form pop video. Yeah.
• 1:09:23
  It's unfortunate though that I think it's aesthetically not the
• 1:09:27
  kind of pop video I really love. Like I don't like The Pussycat
• 1:09:32
  Dolls. See.
• 1:09:33
  Not. Not really, Boo not.
• 1:09:36
  Really so the aesthetically, I think I don't really resonate
• 1:09:40
  with it that much. And therefore I'm I'm a bit
• 1:09:44
  like, yes, this is a long form pop video and like I wish it
• 1:09:47
  were a different. So trashy.
• 1:09:49
  I think I'm, I think I'm there, right?
• 1:09:52
  I've like, I've, I've watched so many of the way it's staged and
• 1:09:55
  I'm like, yeah, like, oh, I love this.
• 1:09:57
  I've got another like critique. Go on.
• 1:09:59
  The other thing I think that is really important about burlesque
• 1:10:03
  is that it's like about female empowerment and sexual
• 1:10:06
  liberation. It's about like taking your
• 1:10:08
  power, taking your sexuality and doing it on your terms in a
• 1:10:12
  controlled space that is safe. That is like powerful.
• 1:10:16
  And this movie doesn't go into any of those politics.
• 1:10:19
  It's like it kind of, if anything, shame strippers at the
• 1:10:22
  beginning of the movies. Like this isn't strippers.
• 1:10:24
  This is something different. And then from then on, it
• 1:10:27
  doesn't deal with any of that idea.
• 1:10:29
  And I would have loved to have seen, I don't know, say
• 1:10:32
  Christina is meek and shy and she doesn't understand that,
• 1:10:35
  like, sexuality is something that she can use as a powerful
• 1:10:39
  tool in her arsenal. And she sees that and that's
• 1:10:41
  what she's resonating with. And that is then then I'm like,
• 1:10:45
  oh, this is a movie about burlesque.
• 1:10:46
  Oh, it's not. It's not a movie about burlesque
• 1:10:48
  at all. And so that kind of element of
• 1:10:51
  it is really missing for me because it's just like watch,
• 1:10:54
  it's just watching hot dancers be hot dancers.
• 1:10:57
  And there's no sense that like there's something subversive
• 1:11:01
  happening. There's.
• 1:11:03
  No, I agree with you. It's just right now it's giving
• 1:11:08
  me like, where's your Protect Queer arts?
• 1:11:11
  Right. It's very that.
• 1:11:12
  It's very that you're. So right, I'm not disagreeing,
• 1:11:15
  but it's also yeah, protect queer arts.
• 1:11:18
  It's so true. It's so true, yeah, but.
• 1:11:22
  You're so right. I I 100% agree with you.
• 1:11:25
  So, and that's why I'm like, oh, this is really a movie made by a
• 1:11:29
  fucking LA gay who just likes looking at hot girls.
• 1:11:33
  And there are hot girls who wanted to do it.
• 1:11:35
  And everyone's just like, should we just be hot people in LA and
• 1:11:39
  make a hot movie? And it's like, yes, but like,
• 1:11:43
  don't call it burlesque you fucks.
• 1:11:48
  Well, well, you told them, Crystal.
• 1:11:51
  The other thing I wanted to think.
• 1:11:52
  About about the history of. I was just thinking about Alan
• 1:11:57
  coming in this, who is obviously like one of the most iconic MCS
• 1:12:02
  done Cabaret. And then I was comparing and
• 1:12:04
  contrasting this movie with Cabaret, which I know we have
• 1:12:07
  not covered on this podcast, but that is a movie that is like
• 1:12:12
  ostensibly kind of about the same sort of thing.
• 1:12:14
  And it's like, so good. Is it about the same thing?
• 1:12:19
  Well, it, it uses the same vehicle.
• 1:12:22
  It's like, what if we told a story around a nightclub and the
• 1:12:25
  performers in this nightclub and like the, the degradation of
• 1:12:29
  that. And like there's a new person
• 1:12:30
  who comes to town and they're experiencing this whole new
• 1:12:33
  world. And one of them manages to be a
• 1:12:35
  really fucking hard hitting piece about like, Nazi Germany
• 1:12:41
  and like, queer rights and nightclub culture and like,
• 1:12:44
  decadence and like, it's so powerful and this movie.
• 1:12:51
  I don't think they are about the same thing.
• 1:12:53
  I just, I think they're both musical set in a, in a cabaret,
• 1:12:57
  yeah, space. And I'm just like, it's amazing
• 1:13:01
  how much you can do with that. Yeah.
• 1:13:03
  And and 100 years ago or something like when did cabaret?
• 1:13:08
  When was? I don't know when it was. 60s.
• 1:13:11
  Yeah, maybe. 70s, I don't know when the musical came out, no.
• 1:13:15
  So it's like say 70 years ago and then versus this movie,
• 1:13:22
  which is almost like someone saw Cabaret miss the entire point
• 1:13:28
  and then was like, let me, let me have a go.
• 1:13:32
  And it just makes, it just kind of makes me laugh.
• 1:13:36
  No, of course I I just think I, I, it's.
• 1:13:38
  Wrong to compare them. Yeah, basically I'm just like,
• 1:13:41
  obviously cabaret is about like, yeah, like a framework about
• 1:13:46
  showcasing society and turning that on its head through art,
• 1:13:49
  which is yeah, yeah. But I.
• 1:13:50
  Thought how dare they put Alan Cumming in there and do a
• 1:13:53
  cabaret reference. How dare Alan Cumming accept the
• 1:13:56
  check. Funny.
• 1:13:57
  Yeah, fair. If he cares that much about the
• 1:13:59
  art form that he's been part of, he just got the check.
• 1:14:03
  And I'm not saying every every movie needs to be that.
• 1:14:06
  That is what you're saying. You're saying every movie needs
• 1:14:08
  to be said. It's a star vehicle.
• 1:14:10
  It is. It was never going to be.
• 1:14:12
  It could have been a little bit better.
• 1:14:14
  But Cadbury was a star vehicle for Liza Minnelli.
• 1:14:16
  It was just also people cared to make a good movie about a good.
• 1:14:20
  But also, it's like the people that created that musical, like
• 1:14:24
  we're just way more credible people anyway.
• 1:14:26
  But I don't think it was. And that's why I say this movie
• 1:14:29
  was made by idiots for idiots. Well, I'm an idiot, yeah.
• 1:14:35
  I mean, I watched it, I turned my brain off and I had a lovely
• 1:14:38
  time looking at Sharon Christina Aguilera.
• 1:14:42
  I've got no complaints. I think there's a deeper concept
• 1:14:47
  at the heart of this, and I think it is a critique on air
• 1:14:51
  rights. You know what we don't talk
• 1:14:54
  about? Air rights.
• 1:14:55
  Not enough. Not at all, no.
• 1:14:58
  And if anything, this film and this podcast has highlighted air
• 1:15:02
  rights and the fact we should be more aware of them because
• 1:15:06
  listeners listen up right now. There's a lot of air who has the
• 1:15:11
  rights to it, though. I'm going to leave you with
• 1:15:14
  that. And I'm going to leave you with
• 1:15:16
  this, which was was what prompted me to write down by
• 1:15:19
  Idiots for Idiots. This is the costume designer
• 1:15:23
  again, and he's talking about Julianne Hoff.
• 1:15:26
  Oh yeah, yeah. Julianne was fun because she has
• 1:15:29
  red hair. She's so different.
• 1:15:33
  She's not blonde. That's in the making of.
• 1:15:36
  OK, OK. That's where we're at.
• 1:15:38
  That's but you know what, We managed to talk about it but for
• 1:15:41
  about this for about an hour and a half.
• 1:15:43
  So you know, really who won? Not us.
• 1:15:49
  I think it's time to rate this movie.
• 1:15:51
  Rate this motherfucker. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:15:53
  So we need to give it our score on our patented camper meter.
• 1:15:57
  One to 10 Merrills for the quality and once 10 lies As for
• 1:16:02
  the camp factor. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:16:04
  OK, we're not going to agree here, but let's go.
• 1:16:07
  OK, Merrills, I'm going to give it 5.
• 1:16:10
  Oh yeah, that's what I was going to go.
• 1:16:12
  Yeah. 5 Merrills, OH. OK, I thought you were.
• 1:16:15
  I think for what it is, yeah, I think it's a piece of shit, but
• 1:16:19
  I think it is a really good, fun piece of shit.
• 1:16:23
  Yeah, because I think the cinematography is really
• 1:16:26
  gorgeous. I think that it's quite lux.
• 1:16:28
  I like the set designs and stuff.
• 1:16:30
  Yeah. And it's got like 2 great
• 1:16:33
  performers in it doing great performances.
• 1:16:36
  OK, Yeah, I. Just thought it's just, it's
• 1:16:37
  just like you can just tell this was the first time director who
• 1:16:40
  had never written a movie before.
• 1:16:42
  And that does hold it back in in certain ways.
• 1:16:46
  And what I've learned from doing this podcast is there's a lot of
• 1:16:48
  people that gave them get given very big opportunities in their
• 1:16:51
  first films, and maybe they shouldn't be allowed to do it.
• 1:16:54
  That's because their boyfriend owns a fucking production.
• 1:16:57
  Company. Fair play, fair play to you.
• 1:16:59
  Did you hear that they, they were having screaming rows,
• 1:17:02
  these two? No, they've been together for
• 1:17:04
  like 20 years at this point and they were just like screaming at
• 1:17:07
  each other on set and like Cher, apparently at one point I had to
• 1:17:10
  be like, I need a calmer set because Steve and his boyfriend
• 1:17:14
  were just like boom boom boom. Oh my.
• 1:17:17
  Not that kind. OK, Eliza's.
• 1:17:21
  How many Lizas are we giving this movie?
• 1:17:23
  Oh, I'm giving it nine. Wow.
• 1:17:25
  Just because it's, it's so stupid.
• 1:17:28
  It is so stupid. It's stupid camp.
• 1:17:30
  It's like it's, it's as you said, it's kind of like, it is
• 1:17:33
  awful and it should get lots of deductions, but there's just
• 1:17:37
  enough wiggery. I I love how inconsistent
• 1:17:39
  Christina's character is. She's a real gaslighting mean
• 1:17:43
  cow who's meant to be like the Anjani that we support.
• 1:17:46
  Yeah, yeah, you. It's so it's so often jumps
• 1:17:51
  between camp full like joyous camp where you're like, I'm
• 1:17:54
  watching a great production number and I love looking at it
• 1:17:57
  to like this movie is a piece of shit and I'm loving watching.
• 1:18:00
  It but like even like the ending, it's just we're going
• 1:18:03
  through the motions. There's a camp this to that that
• 1:18:05
  I totally yeah. What are you going with?
• 1:18:08
  That's me batting it over to you.
• 1:18:10
  I'm going to give it 7. Seven, Yeah.
• 1:18:14
  But I will give it 10 shares. I know why 7 just it just
• 1:18:18
  doesn't spark enough queer joy. So you're not.
• 1:18:21
  Are you damp? I know you're.
• 1:18:22
  Not damp, I'm damp, I'm damp. It's like, it's good when you
• 1:18:26
  want to turn your brain off and just like look at the pretty
• 1:18:29
  things and like laugh at the stupid stuff.
• 1:18:32
  It you know what it's, what else could you want?
• 1:18:34
  Yeah, I mean, to be honest, it's probably better than it deserves
• 1:18:38
  ticket for anything. It's done quite well so.
• 1:18:41
  But look, we had a lovely time and I have had a lovely time
• 1:18:43
  talking about it. And.
• 1:18:46
  What else is there in life, really?
• 1:18:51
  But thank you so much, Christina, for giving us this
• 1:18:55
  one movie in a lifetime. And I don't think you're going
• 1:18:57
  to do anymore. No, I don't.
• 1:18:59
  And yeah, if you're going to do just one, make it this one.
• 1:19:03
  You know we could only dream. We can.
• 1:19:06
  OK, well we'll be back in two more weeks with some more Camp
• 1:19:08
  Classics and for the last time before we go ever Wagon Wheel.
• 1:19:15
  What tushy I? Always say tushy get.
• 1:19:19
  Away from her, you bitch. Blasting.
• 1:19:24
  He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders
• 1:19:27
  right before she died. No, Hannah thought.
• 1:19:35
  You become a prostitute. You're a.
• 1:19:36
  GOG at it. I still love doggy chow.
• 1:19:40
  I used to love doggy chest too.