Latest / Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps / Phone Tap: Grocery Store Granny

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Phone Tap: Grocery Store Granny · Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: We got an email from a listener who asked us
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: to prank her big sister right before her birthday. Apparently
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Big Sis is nearing the big five. Oho, she's turning
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: forty nine soon, and she's mentioned she hates thinking about
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: getting older. So the last thing that we want to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: do is make her feel self conscious about that. No, no,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: we're not going to do that. We'll let our high
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: tech facial recognition software do. Get in your phone tapped
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: right now. Hello, Hi, this is Greg from Aston's customer service.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Is this Marjorie?
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Hi, Hi Marjorie. You're in here the other day
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: shopping with us. Yeah, looks like you got a fantastic
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: deal on grapes. Okay, it's exciting.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Is there a reason for your call?
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sure there is. The reason I'm calling is that
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: our camera's caught something in the store when you were here. What.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I'm glad they saw it.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I didn't do anything wrong.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Oh I know. In fact, congratulations are in order because
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: you just bumped up to our Golden Year's Platinum Discount Club.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's me clapping because I'm excited for you.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I don't understand. What do you mean?
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we must have had your birthday wrong in our
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: system because our facial software program says you're at least
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: sixty three, So we apologize.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: I'm forty eight.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Forty eight. You're funny. I like you, Marjorie. So anyway,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: congrats on the senior citizen perks that you've unlocked. They
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: are beyond incredible.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I love perks, but I am good.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Then if you love perks, then you are gonna love
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: that you get fifteen percent off of all Prune juice
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: juice not a Prune fan, That's fine. It just means
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: that you're regular, which is more than I can say
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: for my grandparents.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Why are you comparing me to your grandparents and asking
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: me whether or not I'm regular?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Because you know what my grandparents love is that they
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: also get an extra ten percent off compression socks and
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: where there's originals.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Excuse me, what a deal? I do not need any
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: of those things.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Wow? Okay, So so you're saying you don't want the
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: free Life Alert necklace that automatically calls the deli counter.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: If you fall kidding me, why would I need that?
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I have a cell phone.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I think the question is why would you even pass
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: that up?
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I haven't fallen and I can get up. Okay, I'm
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: like the commercial for old.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: People, okey doke, I hear you necklace out the door,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: but you can't say no to our complimentary early bird
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: special cube on book and the free pamphlet on how
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: to use TikTok iok Hey, good for you, but you
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: still may want it, though, because our pamphlet does cover
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: very important topics like how to tell if a video
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: is a scam or why your nephew won't accept your
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: friend request online.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: I am not a senior citizen now, are you sure?
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Because right now you qualify for our priority scooter access
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: in store. Oh my god, are you going to no
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: more waiting in line? It's just beat beaten, roll past
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: those slow walkers and aisle seit see.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: I did a marathon last year.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: You mean like a senior marathon where you walk around
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: the home a few times around the block.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: No, I'm not speed walking in a mall. I'm running
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: a marathon, and I don't want to be on any
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: stupid senior citizenship.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, okay, so I'm just kind of catching
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: up here. You're saying that you're not sixty three.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. No, I'm forty eight.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: My bad software is bad. I I'm going to process
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: your removal right now. Is that okay with you? Yes?
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: And let me just work. Oh oh god, it looks
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: like my system is glitching here.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it must be glitching if it says I look
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: like I'm sixty three.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, this is not good.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Look, if I can't remove you, we're going to have
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: to assign you a shopping buddy the next time you
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: get in a shopping It's a very nice teenage employee
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: to help you reach things on the top shelf and.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Also what is wrong with you?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Well, he'll also explain the slang words to you, the
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: modern stuff you might not understand.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: This is so annoying. Why are you even let me
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: speak to a manager?
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, we actually have two. It's Brooke and Jeffrey. Have
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: you heard of them?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: No, I don't know the managers of your store.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: No, it's Brook and Jeffrey. In the morning. They're the
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: ones who do those prank phone calls on the radio
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: like this one.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, are you for real?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm for real or I'm not for real. I
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: don't really know. But your sister Sabrina set you up
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: for it. Oh my god.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like so offended.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she said that your birthday is coming up and
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: you hate thinking about getting older, so she wanted us
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: to screw with you.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: I can't believe she did that.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Look, just for all your trouble, we feel bad. We're
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: gonna put the adult diapers off to the side of
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: the store just for you. We're gonna have a label
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: that says these are for Marjorie, do not touch.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Ex wake up every morning with food taps weekday mornings.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I'm the twenties frooking Jeffrey in the morning.