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Your Identity Is Keeping You Stuck (Here's How to Change It) · Change Your Life with Dr. Amen Kaur

• 0:01
  You've
• 0:01
  been
• 0:01
  told
• 0:02
  that
• 0:02
  if
• 0:02
  you
• 0:02
  want
• 0:02
  to
• 0:03
  change
• 0:03
  your
• 0:03
  life,
• 0:04
  you
• 0:04
  have
• 0:04
  to
• 0:04
  change
• 0:05
  your
• 0:05
  identity.
• 0:06
  Decide
• 0:07
  who
• 0:07
  you
• 0:08
  want
• 0:08
  to
• 0:08
  be
• 0:08
  and
• 0:08
  affirm
• 0:09
  that
• 0:09
  every
• 0:10
  morning.
• 0:11
  And
• 0:12
  visualize
• 0:13
  the
• 0:13
  version
• 0:13
  of
• 0:13
  you
• 0:14
  who
• 0:14
  already
• 0:15
  has
• 0:16
  what
• 0:16
  it
• 0:16
  is
• 0:16
  that
• 0:16
  you
• 0:16
  want
• 0:17
  and
• 0:17
  raise
• 0:18
  your
• 0:18
  energy
• 0:19
  to
• 0:19
  match
• 0:20
  that
• 0:20
  person.
• 0:21
  And
• 0:21
  then
• 0:22
  through
• 0:22
  doing
• 0:22
  that,
• 0:23
  your
• 0:23
  new
• 0:23
  life
• 0:24
  arrives.
• 0:26
  Sometimes
• 0:26
  that
• 0:27
  really
• 0:27
  doesn't
• 0:27
  work.
• 0:28
  And
• 0:28
  it's
• 0:29
  not
• 0:29
  the
• 0:29
  reason
• 0:29
  why
• 0:30
  you
• 0:30
  think.
• 0:31
  It's
• 0:31
  not
• 0:31
  that
• 0:31
  you
• 0:32
  don't
• 0:32
  believe
• 0:32
  the
• 0:33
  new
• 0:33
  story
• 0:33
  hard
• 0:34
  enough.
• 0:34
  It's
• 0:35
  that
• 0:35
  the
• 0:35
  old
• 0:36
  version
• 0:37
  of
• 0:37
  you
• 0:38
  is
• 0:38
  actually
• 0:38
  protecting
• 0:39
  you.
• 0:40
  The
• 0:40
  identity
• 0:41
  you're
• 0:41
  trying
• 0:42
  to
• 0:42
  outgrow
• 0:43
  is
• 0:44
  not
• 0:44
  a
• 0:44
  flaw
• 0:44
  in
• 0:45
  the
• 0:45
  system.
• 0:46
  It's
• 0:46
  the
• 0:46
  system
• 0:47
  doing
• 0:48
  its
• 0:48
  job.
• 0:49
  And
• 0:49
  your
• 0:49
  brain
• 0:50
  will
• 0:50
  defend
• 0:51
  it
• 0:52
  as
• 0:52
  long
• 0:52
  after
• 0:53
  it
• 0:53
  has
• 0:54
  stopped
• 0:54
  serving
• 0:55
  you.
• 0:56
  So
• 0:57
  here's
• 0:57
  what
• 0:58
  we're
• 0:58
  going
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  do
• 0:58
  today.
• 0:59
  By
• 0:59
  the
• 0:59
  end
• 0:59
  of
• 1:00
  this
• 1:00
  episode,
• 1:01
  I'm
• 1:01
  going
• 1:01
  to
• 1:01
  make
• 1:02
  the
• 1:02
  case
• 1:03
  that
• 1:03
  surprised
• 1:04
  me
• 1:04
  when
• 1:04
  I
• 1:05
  first
• 1:05
  sat
• 1:05
  with
• 1:05
  it.
• 1:06
  The
• 1:06
  goal
• 1:07
  was
• 1:07
  never
• 1:08
  to
• 1:08
  become
• 1:09
  a
• 1:09
  better
• 1:09
  identity.
• 1:10
  To
• 1:11
  become
• 1:11
  a
• 1:11
  better
• 1:13
  something
• 1:13
  that's
• 1:14
  like
• 1:14
  a
• 1:14
  better
• 1:14
  identity,
• 1:15
  that's
• 1:15
  just
• 1:15
  a
• 1:16
  nicer
• 1:16
  cage.
• 1:18
  The
• 1:18
  goal
• 1:19
  is
• 1:19
  to
• 1:19
  hold
• 1:20
  an
• 1:21
  identity
• 1:21
  loosely
• 1:22
  enough
• 1:23
  that
• 1:24
  it
• 1:24
  stops
• 1:24
  running
• 1:25
  you
• 1:26
  and
• 1:26
  holding
• 1:27
  you
• 1:27
  back.
• 1:28
  And
• 1:29
  I'll
• 1:29
  show
• 1:29
  you
• 1:29
  the
• 1:30
  one
• 1:30
  lever
• 1:30
  that
• 1:31
  can
• 1:31
  actually
• 1:31
  move
• 1:31
  it,
• 1:32
  which
• 1:32
  has
• 1:33
  nothing
• 1:33
  to
• 1:33
  do
• 1:33
  with
• 1:34
  believing
• 1:34
  in
• 1:35
  yourself.
• 1:35
  It's
• 1:36
  actually
• 1:36
  allowing
• 1:37
  yourself
• 1:37
  that
• 1:38
  freedom.
• 1:38
  So
• 1:39
  let's
• 1:39
  explore.
• 1:40
  Let's
• 1:40
  start
• 1:40
  with
• 1:41
  the
• 1:41
  most
• 1:41
  useful
• 1:42
  reframe
• 1:43
  I
• 1:43
  know
• 1:44
  about
• 1:44
  a
• 1:44
  stuck
• 1:45
  identity.
• 1:47
  We'll
• 1:47
  treat.
• 1:48
  I'm
• 1:48
  not
• 1:48
  a
• 1:49
  leader.
• 1:49
  I'm
• 1:49
  not
• 1:50
  creative.
• 1:50
  I'm
• 1:51
  the
• 1:51
  responsible
• 1:52
  one.
• 1:52
  I
• 1:52
  don't
• 1:52
  get
• 1:53
  to
• 1:53
  fall
• 1:53
  apart
• 1:54
  as
• 1:54
  if
• 1:55
  they
• 1:55
  were
• 1:55
  verdicts.
• 1:57
  They're
• 1:57
  not
• 1:57
  your
• 1:57
  identity
• 1:59
  that
• 1:59
  is
• 1:59
  written
• 2:00
  in
• 2:00
  stone.
• 2:01
  It's
• 2:01
  more
• 2:01
  like
• 2:02
  scar
• 2:02
  tissue.
• 2:03
  Just
• 2:03
  bear
• 2:04
  with
• 2:04
  me.
• 2:05
  When
• 2:05
  you
• 2:06
  injure
• 2:06
  yourself,
• 2:07
  the
• 2:07
  first
• 2:07
  thing
• 2:07
  the
• 2:08
  body
• 2:08
  does,
• 2:09
  it
• 2:09
  lays
• 2:09
  down
• 2:10
  scar
• 2:10
  tissue.
• 2:12
  It's
• 2:12
  tough,
• 2:12
  it's
• 2:13
  fibrous,
• 2:14
  and
• 2:14
  it's
• 2:15
  there
• 2:15
  to
• 2:15
  protect
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  area
• 2:17
  that
• 2:17
  got
• 2:18
  hurt.
• 2:19
  A
• 2:19
  limiting
• 2:20
  identity
• 2:21
  does
• 2:21
  the
• 2:22
  same
• 2:22
  thing.
• 2:23
  I'm
• 2:23
  the
• 2:23
  one
• 2:24
  that
• 2:24
  holds
• 2:24
  everything
• 2:25
  together.
• 2:25
  For
• 2:26
  instance,
• 2:27
  it
• 2:27
  protects
• 2:28
  you
• 2:28
  from
• 2:28
  the
• 2:28
  terror
• 2:30
  of
• 2:30
  wanting
• 2:30
  to
• 2:31
  be
• 2:31
  held.
• 2:32
  It
• 2:32
  actually
• 2:33
  is
• 2:33
  so
• 2:34
  scary
• 2:35
  to
• 2:35
  allow
• 2:36
  yourself
• 2:36
  to
• 2:36
  do
• 2:36
  that
• 2:37
  as
• 2:37
  well.
• 2:39
  And
• 2:39
  then
• 2:39
  there's
• 2:39
  that.
• 2:40
  I'm
• 2:40
  not
• 2:40
  the
• 2:40
  kind
• 2:40
  of
• 2:41
  person
• 2:41
  who
• 2:41
  takes
• 2:41
  risks.
• 2:43
  It
• 2:43
  protects
• 2:44
  you
• 2:44
  from
• 2:45
  the
• 2:45
  memory
• 2:45
  of
• 2:45
  a
• 2:46
  risk
• 2:46
  that
• 2:47
  went
• 2:47
  badly.
• 2:48
  The
• 2:48
  identity
• 2:49
  is
• 2:49
  doing
• 2:50
  something
• 2:50
  for
• 2:50
  you.
• 2:51
  Right?
• 2:51
  It's
• 2:52
  protecting
• 2:52
  you.
• 2:53
  And
• 2:53
  that's
• 2:54
  why
• 2:54
  willpower
• 2:55
  bounces
• 2:56
  off.
• 2:57
  You
• 2:57
  can
• 2:57
  try
• 2:57
  as
• 2:58
  hard
• 2:58
  as
• 2:58
  you
• 2:58
  want,
• 2:59
  but
• 2:59
  you
• 2:59
  can't
• 3:00
  get
• 3:00
  through
• 3:00
  the
• 3:00
  other
• 3:00
  end
• 3:01
  if
• 3:02
  you
• 3:02
  have
• 3:02
  that
• 3:03
  type
• 3:03
  of
• 3:03
  scar
• 3:04
  issue.
• 3:05
  So
• 3:05
  the
• 3:05
  first
• 3:05
  move
• 3:06
  is
• 3:06
  not
• 3:06
  to
• 3:07
  attack
• 3:07
  yourself
• 3:08
  or
• 3:09
  that
• 3:09
  scar
• 3:10
  Tissue.
• 3:11
  It's
• 3:11
  to
• 3:11
  actually
• 3:12
  ask
• 3:12
  a
• 3:12
  quiet
• 3:13
  question,
• 3:14
  what
• 3:15
  is
• 3:15
  this
• 3:16
  protecting
• 3:17
  me
• 3:17
  from?
• 3:18
  Because
• 3:19
  you
• 3:19
  can't
• 3:19
  dismantle
• 3:20
  a
• 3:20
  defense,
• 3:21
  you
• 3:21
  refuse
• 3:22
  to
• 3:22
  understand
• 3:23
  or
• 3:25
  misunderstand.
• 3:28
  Now
• 3:28
  here's
• 3:28
  the
• 3:29
  part
• 3:29
  that
• 3:29
  genuinely
• 3:30
  is
• 3:30
  strange,
• 3:31
  and
• 3:31
  it's
• 3:32
  the
• 3:32
  heart
• 3:32
  of
• 3:33
  the
• 3:33
  whole
• 3:33
  thing.
• 3:34
  We
• 3:35
  assume,
• 3:35
  we
• 3:35
  look
• 3:35
  at
• 3:36
  the
• 3:36
  world
• 3:36
  and
• 3:37
  then
• 3:37
  form
• 3:38
  beliefs
• 3:38
  about
• 3:39
  it.
• 3:40
  The
• 3:40
  evidence
• 3:41
  shapes
• 3:42
  the
• 3:42
  belief.
• 3:44
  Neuroscience
• 3:45
  suggests
• 3:45
  it
• 3:45
  runs
• 3:46
  the
• 3:46
  other
• 3:46
  way
• 3:47
  more
• 3:47
  often
• 3:48
  than
• 3:48
  we'd
• 3:48
  like.
• 3:49
  Your
• 3:50
  identity
• 3:50
  is
• 3:51
  the
• 3:51
  lens,
• 3:52
  and
• 3:52
  the
• 3:53
  lens
• 3:53
  shapes
• 3:54
  the
• 3:54
  evidence.
• 3:57
  So
• 3:57
  our
• 3:58
  identity
• 3:58
  changes
• 4:00
  what
• 4:00
  we
• 4:00
  see.
• 4:01
  The
• 4:01
  brain
• 4:02
  is
• 4:02
  more
• 4:02
  of
• 4:03
  a
• 4:03
  prediction
• 4:04
  machine.
• 4:05
  It
• 4:05
  does
• 4:06
  not
• 4:06
  show
• 4:06
  you
• 4:07
  what
• 4:07
  is
• 4:07
  real.
• 4:09
  It
• 4:10
  shows
• 4:10
  you
• 4:10
  the
• 4:10
  best
• 4:11
  guess
• 4:12
  of
• 4:12
  reality
• 4:13
  built
• 4:14
  from
• 4:14
  what
• 4:14
  you
• 4:15
  already
• 4:15
  believe.
• 4:16
  And
• 4:16
  then
• 4:16
  it
• 4:17
  goes
• 4:17
  looking
• 4:17
  for
• 4:18
  confirmation.
• 4:19
  We
• 4:19
  even
• 4:20
  have
• 4:20
  a
• 4:20
  name
• 4:20
  for
• 4:21
  this
• 4:21
  cheap
• 4:21
  version
• 4:22
  of
• 4:23
  this
• 4:23
  is
• 4:23
  called
• 4:23
  confirmation
• 4:24
  bias.
• 4:25
  So
• 4:25
  if
• 4:25
  you
• 4:25
  walk
• 4:25
  into
• 4:26
  a
• 4:26
  room
• 4:26
  carrying
• 4:27
  I
• 4:28
  don't
• 4:28
  belong
• 4:28
  here,
• 4:29
  and
• 4:29
  we've
• 4:29
  all
• 4:29
  felt
• 4:30
  that
• 4:30
  at
• 4:30
  times
• 4:31
  we're
• 4:31
  worried
• 4:31
  about
• 4:32
  going
• 4:32
  somewhere,
• 4:32
  and
• 4:33
  even
• 4:33
  before
• 4:34
  you
• 4:34
  step
• 4:34
  into
• 4:35
  the
• 4:35
  door,
• 4:36
  you
• 4:36
  feel
• 4:36
  that
• 4:37
  feeling
• 4:37
  of
• 4:37
  I
• 4:37
  don't
• 4:38
  belong
• 4:38
  here.
• 4:38
  And
• 4:39
  you
• 4:39
  feel
• 4:39
  self
• 4:39
  conscious.
• 4:41
  You
• 4:41
  will
• 4:41
  collect
• 4:42
  a
• 4:42
  hundred
• 4:43
  data
• 4:43
  points
• 4:44
  that
• 4:44
  will
• 4:44
  prove
• 4:45
  that
• 4:45
  because
• 4:45
  you're
• 4:45
  already
• 4:46
  conscious
• 4:46
  of
• 4:46
  it.
• 4:47
  The.
• 4:48
  The
• 4:48
  colleague
• 4:48
  who
• 4:49
  looked
• 4:49
  away,
• 4:49
  the
• 4:50
  pause
• 4:50
  before
• 4:50
  someone
• 4:51
  answered
• 4:51
  you.
• 4:52
  None
• 4:53
  of
• 4:53
  it
• 4:53
  was
• 4:53
  about
• 4:54
  you.
• 4:54
  Maybe,
• 4:55
  but
• 4:56
  the
• 4:56
  lens
• 4:56
  doesn't
• 4:57
  know
• 4:57
  that.
• 4:58
  The
• 4:58
  lens
• 4:58
  takes
• 4:59
  that
• 4:59
  neutral
• 5:00
  data
• 5:01
  and
• 5:01
  bends
• 5:02
  the
• 5:02
  story
• 5:02
  to
• 5:02
  fit
• 5:04
  that
• 5:04
  whole
• 5:05
  feeling
• 5:06
  of
• 5:07
  no,
• 5:07
  I
• 5:07
  don't
• 5:08
  belong
• 5:08
  here.
• 5:09
  And
• 5:09
  for
• 5:10
  a
• 5:10
  long
• 5:10
  stretch
• 5:11
  of
• 5:11
  my
• 5:11
  own
• 5:11
  reinvention,
• 5:13
  I
• 5:13
  carried
• 5:14
  a
• 5:14
  quiet
• 5:14
  belief
• 5:15
  that
• 5:16
  I
• 5:16
  missed
• 5:16
  my
• 5:16
  window,
• 5:18
  that
• 5:18
  the
• 5:19
  credible
• 5:19
  established
• 5:20
  people
• 5:20
  in
• 5:20
  my
• 5:21
  field
• 5:21
  had
• 5:21
  started
• 5:22
  earlier,
• 5:22
  and
• 5:23
  that
• 5:23
  I
• 5:23
  was
• 5:24
  arriving
• 5:24
  late
• 5:24
  to
• 5:25
  the
• 5:25
  door.
• 5:26
  And
• 5:26
  I
• 5:26
  can
• 5:26
  tell
• 5:26
  you
• 5:27
  exactly
• 5:27
  what
• 5:27
  that
• 5:27
  belief
• 5:28
  did.
• 5:28
  Every
• 5:29
  open
• 5:29
  door
• 5:30
  I
• 5:30
  explained
• 5:31
  away
• 5:31
  as
• 5:32
  luck,
• 5:32
  or
• 5:32
  maybe
• 5:33
  someone's
• 5:33
  being
• 5:34
  nice
• 5:34
  to
• 5:34
  me,
• 5:34
  or
• 5:35
  it's
• 5:35
  kind
• 5:35
  of
• 5:35
  charity.
• 5:36
  That
• 5:37
  belief
• 5:37
  wasn't
• 5:38
  reading
• 5:38
  the
• 5:38
  evidence.
• 5:39
  It
• 5:39
  was
• 5:40
  manufacturing
• 5:41
  what
• 5:41
  was
• 5:41
  there
• 5:41
  already.
• 5:43
  Which
• 5:43
  brings
• 5:44
  me
• 5:44
  to
• 5:44
  the
• 5:44
  line
• 5:45
  that
• 5:45
  I
• 5:45
  want
• 5:45
  you
• 5:45
  to
• 5:45
  sit
• 5:46
  with.
• 5:46
  People
• 5:47
  say
• 5:47
  to
• 5:47
  me,
• 5:48
  I
• 5:48
  have
• 5:48
  no
• 5:48
  motivation.
• 5:49
  So
• 5:50
  many
• 5:50
  people
• 5:50
  say,
• 5:51
  I've
• 5:51
  lost
• 5:51
  my
• 5:52
  motivation,
• 5:52
  I've
• 5:53
  lost
• 5:53
  my
• 5:53
  mojo.
• 5:54
  I've
• 5:54
  lost
• 5:55
  me.
• 5:56
  And
• 5:57
  it's
• 5:57
  always,
• 5:58
  almost
• 6:00
  never
• 6:00
  true.
• 6:01
  You
• 6:02
  have
• 6:02
  an
• 6:02
  enormous
• 6:03
  motivation.
• 6:04
  You
• 6:04
  are
• 6:05
  powerfully,
• 6:06
  reliably
• 6:07
  motivated
• 6:08
  to
• 6:09
  stay
• 6:09
  exactly
• 6:10
  where
• 6:10
  you
• 6:10
  are.
• 6:11
  And
• 6:11
  I
• 6:11
  really
• 6:12
  don't
• 6:12
  want
• 6:13
  you
• 6:13
  to
• 6:13
  think
• 6:14
  that
• 6:14
  this
• 6:14
  is
• 6:14
  a
• 6:14
  bad
• 6:15
  thing.
• 6:15
  I
• 6:15
  want
• 6:16
  you
• 6:16
  to
• 6:16
  understand
• 6:17
  how
• 6:18
  much
• 6:18
  energy
• 6:19
  it
• 6:19
  takes
• 6:19
  to
• 6:20
  stay
• 6:20
  exactly
• 6:21
  where
• 6:21
  you
• 6:22
  are.
• 6:22
  And
• 6:23
  there's
• 6:23
  a
• 6:23
  reason
• 6:24
  for
• 6:24
  it.
• 6:24
  And
• 6:25
  here's
• 6:25
  the
• 6:25
  science
• 6:26
  under
• 6:26
  that.
• 6:27
  We
• 6:27
  are
• 6:27
  motivated
• 6:28
  by
• 6:28
  something
• 6:29
  researchers
• 6:30
  call
• 6:31
  an
• 6:31
  expectancy
• 6:32
  value
• 6:33
  calculation.
• 6:35
  This
• 6:35
  goes
• 6:36
  back
• 6:36
  to
• 6:36
  the
• 6:36
  work
• 6:36
  of
• 6:37
  psychologists
• 6:37
  like
• 6:38
  John
• 6:38
  Atkinson
• 6:39
  and
• 6:40
  Later,
• 6:40
  Jacqueline
• 6:41
  Ickels
• 6:42
  and
• 6:42
  Alan
• 6:43
  Wakefield.
• 6:44
  The
• 6:44
  brain
• 6:45
  quietly
• 6:46
  multiplies
• 6:47
  two
• 6:48
  how
• 6:49
  likely
• 6:49
  do
• 6:49
  I
• 6:50
  think
• 6:50
  I'm
• 6:50
  going
• 6:50
  to
• 6:50
  succeed?
• 6:52
  And
• 6:52
  how
• 6:52
  much
• 6:53
  do
• 6:53
  I
• 6:53
  value
• 6:54
  the
• 6:55
  outcome?
• 6:56
  When
• 6:57
  the
• 6:57
  expectation
• 6:58
  of
• 6:58
  success
• 6:58
  is
• 6:59
  high,
• 7:00
  motivation
• 7:01
  feels
• 7:02
  effortless,
• 7:03
  easy.
• 7:04
  You
• 7:04
  just
• 7:04
  do
• 7:05
  it
• 7:05
  without
• 7:05
  even
• 7:06
  thinking.
• 7:07
  You
• 7:07
  don't
• 7:07
  agonize
• 7:08
  about
• 7:09
  fetching
• 7:10
  a
• 7:10
  glass
• 7:10
  of
• 7:10
  water.
• 7:11
  You
• 7:11
  just
• 7:12
  do
• 7:12
  it.
• 7:12
  Because
• 7:13
  you're
• 7:13
  predicting
• 7:14
  success
• 7:14
  is
• 7:15
  basically
• 7:16
  100%.
• 7:18
  But
• 7:18
  when
• 7:18
  the
• 7:18
  identity
• 7:19
  says,
• 7:20
  I
• 7:20
  can't
• 7:21
  do
• 7:21
  this,
• 7:22
  you're
• 7:23
  predicting
• 7:24
  success,
• 7:25
  collapse.
• 7:26
  So
• 7:26
  the
• 7:27
  motivation
• 7:28
  is
• 7:28
  actually,
• 7:30
  we're
• 7:30
  not
• 7:30
  likely
• 7:31
  to
• 7:31
  succeed
• 7:32
  here.
• 7:33
  Not
• 7:33
  because
• 7:33
  you're
• 7:34
  lazy,
• 7:34
  but
• 7:35
  because
• 7:35
  your
• 7:35
  own
• 7:35
  prediction
• 7:36
  engine
• 7:37
  has
• 7:37
  quietly
• 7:37
  told
• 7:38
  you
• 7:38
  that
• 7:39
  it's
• 7:39
  going
• 7:39
  to
• 7:39
  be
• 7:40
  wasted
• 7:40
  effort.
• 7:41
  It's
• 7:41
  not
• 7:41
  going
• 7:42
  to
• 7:42
  be
• 7:42
  worth
• 7:42
  it.
• 7:43
  So
• 7:43
  you're
• 7:44
  not
• 7:44
  unmotivated,
• 7:46
  you're
• 7:46
  being
• 7:47
  protected
• 7:48
  from
• 7:48
  forecasting
• 7:50
  failure.
• 7:50
  Is
• 7:51
  this
• 7:51
  worth
• 7:51
  it
• 7:51
  or
• 7:52
  not?
• 7:53
  And
• 7:53
  the
• 7:53
  identity
• 7:54
  has
• 7:54
  got
• 7:54
  that
• 7:56
  before
• 7:56
  you
• 7:56
  has
• 7:57
  even
• 7:57
  really
• 7:57
  thought
• 7:58
  about
• 7:58
  it.
• 7:58
  So
• 7:58
  you
• 7:59
  can
• 7:59
  create
• 8:00
  these
• 8:00
  goals,
• 8:01
  but
• 8:01
  if
• 8:01
  the
• 8:02
  effort
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  do
• 8:03
  something
• 8:04
  is
• 8:04
  so
• 8:04
  high,
• 8:05
  you're
• 8:06
  thinking,
• 8:06
  well,
• 8:06
  that's
• 8:07
  just
• 8:07
  not
• 8:07
  worth
• 8:07
  it.
• 8:08
  Now
• 8:08
  you
• 8:09
  might
• 8:09
  be
• 8:09
  thinking,
• 8:10
  fine,
• 8:10
  So
• 8:11
  I
• 8:11
  can
• 8:11
  trade
• 8:11
  the
• 8:12
  limiting
• 8:12
  identity
• 8:13
  that's
• 8:13
  holding
• 8:14
  me
• 8:14
  back
• 8:14
  for
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  more
• 8:15
  empowering
• 8:15
  identity.
• 8:17
  I
• 8:17
  stop
• 8:17
  being
• 8:18
  the
• 8:18
  one
• 8:18
  who
• 8:18
  can't,
• 8:19
  and
• 8:19
  I
• 8:19
  can
• 8:20
  become
• 8:20
  the
• 8:20
  one
• 8:20
  who
• 8:21
  can.
• 8:21
  So
• 8:22
  if
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  can
• 8:22
  just
• 8:22
  tell
• 8:22
  myself
• 8:23
  I
• 8:23
  can,
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  can,
• 8:24
  I
• 8:24
  can,
• 8:25
  it'll
• 8:25
  be
• 8:25
  okay.
• 8:26
  That's
• 8:27
  a
• 8:27
  step
• 8:27
  in
• 8:27
  the
• 8:28
  right
• 8:28
  direction,
• 8:28
  but
• 8:29
  it's
• 8:29
  also
• 8:30
  a
• 8:30
  trap,
• 8:31
  because
• 8:31
  a
• 8:32
  positive
• 8:32
  identity
• 8:33
  shapes
• 8:33
  your
• 8:34
  perception
• 8:35
  just
• 8:35
  as
• 8:36
  forcefully
• 8:37
  as
• 8:37
  a
• 8:38
  negative
• 8:38
  one.
• 8:39
  Just
• 8:39
  bear
• 8:39
  with
• 8:40
  me.
• 8:40
  It
• 8:41
  just
• 8:41
  hides
• 8:41
  the
• 8:42
  cost
• 8:42
  better.
• 8:44
  I
• 8:45
  honestly
• 8:45
  work
• 8:45
  with
• 8:45
  this
• 8:46
  constantly
• 8:47
  with
• 8:47
  high
• 8:47
  performers.
• 8:48
  Most
• 8:48
  of
• 8:48
  my
• 8:49
  clients,
• 8:49
  they
• 8:50
  have
• 8:50
  achieved
• 8:51
  so
• 8:51
  much,
• 8:52
  and
• 8:52
  maybe
• 8:52
  you'll
• 8:53
  recognize
• 8:53
  this
• 8:54
  in
• 8:54
  yourself
• 8:54
  as
• 8:54
  well.
• 8:56
  The
• 8:56
  identity
• 8:57
  isn't,
• 8:57
  I
• 8:58
  can't
• 8:58
  do
• 8:58
  this,
• 8:59
  and
• 8:59
  I
• 8:59
  can
• 8:59
  do
• 9:00
  this.
• 9:01
  The
• 9:01
  identity
• 9:01
  is,
• 9:02
  I
• 9:02
  have
• 9:03
  to.
• 9:03
  I
• 9:04
  have
• 9:04
  to
• 9:05
  deliver.
• 9:05
  I
• 9:06
  have
• 9:06
  to
• 9:06
  be
• 9:07
  the
• 9:07
  one
• 9:07
  that
• 9:07
  makes
• 9:08
  it
• 9:08
  work.
• 9:09
  I
• 9:09
  have
• 9:09
  to
• 9:10
  make
• 9:10
  people
• 9:10
  proud.
• 9:12
  Self
• 9:13
  discrimination
• 9:14
  theory
• 9:15
  from
• 9:15
  psychologists
• 9:17
  gives
• 9:18
  us
• 9:18
  precise
• 9:19
  language
• 9:20
  for
• 9:20
  why
• 9:20
  that
• 9:21
  one
• 9:21
  quietly
• 9:22
  eats
• 9:23
  you
• 9:23
  up.
• 9:24
  It
• 9:25
  eats
• 9:25
  your
• 9:26
  whole
• 9:27
  vitality
• 9:28
  up
• 9:28
  alive.
• 9:29
  They
• 9:30
  distinguish
• 9:30
  between
• 9:31
  doing
• 9:31
  something
• 9:32
  because
• 9:32
  genuinely
• 9:33
  matters
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  you
• 9:35
  and
• 9:35
  doing
• 9:35
  something
• 9:36
  because
• 9:36
  of
• 9:36
  an
• 9:37
  internalized
• 9:38
  pressure.
• 9:38
  And
• 9:38
  we've
• 9:39
  all
• 9:39
  felt
• 9:39
  this.
• 9:40
  When
• 9:40
  we
• 9:40
  feel
• 9:40
  like
• 9:41
  we
• 9:41
  have
• 9:41
  to
• 9:41
  do
• 9:41
  something,
• 9:42
  you
• 9:42
  just
• 9:42
  can't
• 9:43
  seem
• 9:43
  to
• 9:43
  move
• 9:43
  to
• 9:44
  be
• 9:44
  able
• 9:44
  to
• 9:44
  do
• 9:44
  it.
• 9:45
  They
• 9:45
  call
• 9:46
  the
• 9:46
  second
• 9:46
  one
• 9:46
  the
• 9:46
  introjected
• 9:47
  regulation.
• 9:48
  It
• 9:49
  feels
• 9:49
  like
• 9:49
  drive,
• 9:50
  but
• 9:50
  it's
• 9:51
  actually
• 9:51
  like
• 9:51
  a
• 9:51
  leash.
• 9:52
  It's
• 9:52
  like
• 9:53
  trying
• 9:53
  to
• 9:54
  whip
• 9:54
  you
• 9:54
  into
• 9:54
  shape
• 9:55
  and
• 9:55
  saying,
• 9:55
  come
• 9:55
  on,
• 9:56
  move
• 9:56
  forward.
• 9:57
  You're
• 9:57
  not
• 9:57
  moving
• 9:58
  towards
• 9:58
  something
• 9:59
  you
• 9:59
  love.
• 10:00
  You're
• 10:01
  trying
• 10:01
  to
• 10:01
  outrun
• 10:02
  the
• 10:02
  Shame
• 10:03
  of
• 10:03
  stopping.
• 10:05
  It's
• 10:05
  totally
• 10:06
  different
• 10:06
  Feel
• 10:07
  if
• 10:08
  you
• 10:08
  like.
• 10:08
  And
• 10:09
  here's
• 10:09
  the
• 10:09
  truth.
• 10:10
  The
• 10:10
  bar
• 10:11
  keeps
• 10:11
  moving,
• 10:12
  you
• 10:13
  hit
• 10:13
  the
• 10:13
  goal,
• 10:14
  you
• 10:14
  swore
• 10:14
  that
• 10:14
  you
• 10:15
  it
• 10:15
  would
• 10:15
  be
• 10:15
  enough,
• 10:16
  and
• 10:16
  then
• 10:17
  that
• 10:17
  enough
• 10:17
  evaporates
• 10:18
  the
• 10:18
  moment
• 10:19
  you
• 10:19
  arrive.
• 10:20
  A
• 10:21
  million
• 10:21
  in
• 10:22
  revenue
• 10:22
  isn't
• 10:23
  enough.
• 10:24
  That
• 10:24
  promotion
• 10:25
  isn't
• 10:25
  enough.
• 10:25
  You
• 10:26
  have
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  get
• 10:26
  to
• 10:26
  the
• 10:26
  next
• 10:26
  one.
• 10:27
  And
• 10:27
  we
• 10:27
  tell
• 10:28
  ourselves
• 10:28
  this
• 10:28
  means
• 10:29
  we'll
• 10:29
  keep
• 10:29
  getting
• 10:29
  more
• 10:30
  and
• 10:30
  more
• 10:30
  and
• 10:30
  more,
• 10:31
  but
• 10:31
  what
• 10:31
  actually
• 10:32
  happens
• 10:33
  is
• 10:33
  that
• 10:33
  we
• 10:33
  become
• 10:34
  addicted
• 10:36
  to
• 10:36
  just
• 10:36
  keep
• 10:37
  going.
• 10:38
  And
• 10:38
  you'll
• 10:38
  never
• 10:39
  let
• 10:39
  yourself
• 10:40
  stand
• 10:40
  still
• 10:41
  long
• 10:41
  enough
• 10:42
  to
• 10:43
  feel
• 10:43
  like,
• 10:44
  yes,
• 10:44
  I've
• 10:44
  arrived.
• 10:46
  Jennifer
• 10:47
  Crocker's
• 10:47
  research
• 10:47
  on
• 10:48
  contingent
• 10:49
  self
• 10:49
  worth
• 10:49
  puts
• 10:50
  a
• 10:50
  fine
• 10:51
  point
• 10:51
  on
• 10:51
  this.
• 10:52
  When
• 10:53
  your
• 10:53
  sense
• 10:54
  of
• 10:54
  being
• 10:55
  okay
• 10:56
  is
• 10:57
  contingent,
• 10:58
  is
• 10:59
  responsive
• 11:00
  to
• 11:00
  that
• 11:01
  next
• 11:01
  achievement.
• 11:03
  Every
• 11:03
  success
• 11:04
  buys
• 11:04
  you
• 11:05
  only
• 11:05
  a
• 11:05
  brief
• 11:06
  moment
• 11:07
  of
• 11:08
  being
• 11:08
  able
• 11:08
  to
• 11:08
  feel
• 11:09
  like,
• 11:09
  oh,
• 11:10
  I
• 11:10
  feel
• 11:10
  like
• 11:11
  I've
• 11:11
  relaxed,
• 11:11
  I've
• 11:12
  got
• 11:12
  there
• 11:12
  before
• 11:13
  anxiety
• 11:14
  resets
• 11:15
  and
• 11:15
  you
• 11:15
  have
• 11:15
  to
• 11:16
  start
• 11:16
  moving
• 11:16
  on
• 11:17
  to
• 11:17
  the
• 11:17
  next
• 11:17
  one.
• 11:18
  Because
• 11:19
  of
• 11:19
  that,
• 11:19
  we're
• 11:19
  not
• 11:19
  really
• 11:20
  building
• 11:20
  self
• 11:21
  worth.
• 11:22
  We're
• 11:23
  renting
• 11:23
  it.
• 11:24
  And
• 11:24
  it's
• 11:24
  always
• 11:25
  like
• 11:25
  the
• 11:25
  lease
• 11:26
  is
• 11:26
  keep
• 11:26
  going
• 11:27
  up,
• 11:27
  the
• 11:27
  rent
• 11:27
  is
• 11:27
  going
• 11:28
  up
• 11:28
  and
• 11:28
  up
• 11:28
  and
• 11:28
  up.
• 11:29
  It's
• 11:29
  just
• 11:29
  never
• 11:30
  enough.
• 11:30
  And
• 11:30
  it's
• 11:31
  exhausting
• 11:32
  and
• 11:32
  it
• 11:32
  leads
• 11:33
  to
• 11:34
  burnout.
• 11:35
  So
• 11:35
  let
• 11:36
  me
• 11:36
  give
• 11:36
  you
• 11:36
  the
• 11:37
  most
• 11:37
  counterintuitive
• 11:38
  piece
• 11:38
  of
• 11:39
  this,
• 11:39
  because
• 11:40
  it
• 11:40
  stops
• 11:40
  people
• 11:41
  in
• 11:41
  their
• 11:41
  tracks.
• 11:43
  Imposter
• 11:44
  syndrome
• 11:45
  is
• 11:45
  not
• 11:45
  cured
• 11:46
  by
• 11:46
  success.
• 11:48
  Imposter
• 11:48
  syndrome
• 11:49
  is
• 11:50
  created
• 11:51
  by
• 11:51
  success.
• 11:53
  Think
• 11:53
  about
• 11:53
  it.
• 11:55
  A
• 11:55
  person
• 11:55
  that
• 11:55
  believes
• 11:56
  their
• 11:56
  failure
• 11:56
  never
• 11:57
  feels
• 11:58
  like
• 11:58
  an
• 11:59
  imposter
• 12:00
  because
• 12:00
  the
• 12:01
  world
• 12:01
  and
• 12:02
  their
• 12:02
  self
• 12:02
  image
• 12:03
  agree.
• 12:05
  Imposter
• 12:06
  syndrome
• 12:06
  only
• 12:06
  shows
• 12:07
  up
• 12:07
  when
• 12:07
  you
• 12:07
  achieve
• 12:07
  something
• 12:08
  your
• 12:09
  identity
• 12:10
  hasn't
• 12:10
  caught
• 12:10
  up
• 12:11
  to.
• 12:12
  It
• 12:12
  is
• 12:12
  the
• 12:13
  gap
• 12:13
  between
• 12:14
  what
• 12:14
  you've
• 12:14
  done
• 12:15
  and
• 12:15
  who
• 12:16
  you
• 12:16
  still
• 12:16
  believe
• 12:17
  you
• 12:17
  are.
• 12:18
  Which
• 12:19
  means
• 12:19
  the
• 12:19
  more
• 12:19
  you
• 12:20
  accomplish,
• 12:20
  the
• 12:21
  more
• 12:21
  while
• 12:21
  clinging
• 12:21
  onto
• 12:22
  the
• 12:22
  old
• 12:22
  self
• 12:23
  image,
• 12:23
  the
• 12:24
  worse
• 12:24
  it
• 12:24
  gets.
• 12:25
  You
• 12:26
  cannot
• 12:26
  achieve
• 12:27
  your
• 12:27
  way
• 12:27
  out
• 12:27
  of
• 12:28
  it,
• 12:28
  even
• 12:28
  though
• 12:29
  you're
• 12:29
  desperately
• 12:30
  trying
• 12:30
  to.
• 12:31
  You're
• 12:31
  achieving
• 12:32
  your
• 12:32
  way
• 12:33
  deeper
• 12:34
  and
• 12:34
  deeper
• 12:35
  into
• 12:35
  it.
• 12:36
  And
• 12:37
  this
• 12:37
  is
• 12:37
  the
• 12:37
  moment
• 12:38
  my
• 12:38
  own
• 12:39
  story
• 12:40
  comes
• 12:40
  into
• 12:41
  play.
• 12:43
  I
• 12:44
  built
• 12:45
  a
• 12:45
  self
• 12:46
  that
• 12:46
  ran
• 12:46
  on
• 12:46
  being
• 12:46
  capable,
• 12:47
  on
• 12:47
  being
• 12:47
  the
• 12:48
  one
• 12:48
  who
• 12:48
  had
• 12:48
  everything
• 12:49
  handled.
• 12:50
  And
• 12:50
  the
• 12:50
  more
• 12:50
  capable
• 12:51
  I
• 12:51
  appeared,
• 12:52
  the
• 12:52
  more
• 12:52
  I
• 12:53
  would
• 12:53
  lay
• 12:53
  awake
• 12:54
  certain,
• 12:54
  what
• 12:55
  if
• 12:55
  this
• 12:55
  isn't
• 12:55
  right?
• 12:56
  And
• 12:57
  I
• 12:57
  kept
• 12:57
  reaching
• 12:58
  for
• 12:58
  that
• 12:58
  next
• 12:59
  credential,
• 12:59
  the
• 12:59
  next
• 13:00
  proof.
• 13:01
  And
• 13:01
  the
• 13:01
  truth
• 13:01
  is
• 13:02
  the
• 13:02
  next
• 13:02
  proof,
• 13:02
  even
• 13:03
  though
• 13:03
  it
• 13:03
  landed,
• 13:04
  was
• 13:05
  never
• 13:05
  enough.
• 13:07
  So
• 13:07
  the
• 13:08
  psychology
• 13:09
  gets
• 13:10
  us
• 13:11
  this
• 13:11
  far.
• 13:12
  Identity
• 13:13
  is
• 13:13
  like
• 13:13
  a
• 13:13
  lens.
• 13:15
  It
• 13:15
  shapes
• 13:16
  what
• 13:16
  you
• 13:16
  can
• 13:16
  perceive,
• 13:17
  what
• 13:18
  your
• 13:18
  attempt
• 13:19
  to
• 13:19
  do
• 13:20
  and
• 13:21
  how
• 13:21
  much
• 13:21
  it
• 13:22
  costs
• 13:22
  you.
• 13:23
  A
• 13:23
  negative
• 13:24
  identity
• 13:25
  cages
• 13:26
  you
• 13:26
  with
• 13:26
  I
• 13:26
  can't
• 13:27
  do
• 13:27
  this.
• 13:27
  And
• 13:28
  a
• 13:28
  positive
• 13:28
  one
• 13:29
  cages
• 13:29
  you
• 13:30
  to
• 13:31
  have
• 13:32
  to
• 13:32
  do
• 13:32
  this
• 13:33
  and
• 13:34
  neither
• 13:34
  one
• 13:35
  is
• 13:35
  you.
• 13:36
  Here's
• 13:37
  where
• 13:37
  the
• 13:37
  old
• 13:38
  wisdom
• 13:39
  saw
• 13:39
  further
• 13:40
  than
• 13:40
  the
• 13:41
  signs
• 13:41
  has
• 13:42
  and
• 13:42
  where
• 13:42
  I
• 13:43
  always
• 13:43
  want
• 13:43
  to
• 13:43
  tread
• 13:44
  carefully
• 13:45
  and
• 13:45
  name
• 13:45
  my
• 13:46
  sources
• 13:46
  rather
• 13:46
  than
• 13:47
  dress
• 13:47
  them
• 13:48
  up
• 13:48
  as
• 13:48
  borrowed
• 13:49
  insight
• 13:49
  of
• 13:50
  my
• 13:50
  own.
• 13:51
  Long
• 13:52
  before
• 13:52
  neuroscience
• 13:54
  described
• 13:54
  the
• 13:55
  prediction
• 13:55
  machine,
• 13:56
  the
• 13:57
  contemplative
• 13:58
  traditions
• 13:59
  made
• 13:59
  a
• 13:59
  stranger
• 14:00
  and
• 14:00
  more
• 14:01
  radical
• 14:01
  claim
• 14:03
  that
• 14:03
  the
• 14:03
  self
• 14:04
  doing
• 14:04
  all
• 14:04
  this
• 14:05
  perceiving
• 14:06
  is
• 14:06
  not
• 14:07
  a
• 14:07
  fixed
• 14:08
  object
• 14:08
  at
• 14:08
  all.
• 14:10
  In
• 14:10
  the
• 14:10
  yoga
• 14:10
  sutras,
• 14:12
  the
• 14:12
  entire
• 14:13
  practice
• 14:14
  with
• 14:14
  the
• 14:15
  line
• 14:15
  that
• 14:16
  yoga
• 14:17
  is
• 14:17
  stilling
• 14:18
  of
• 14:18
  the
• 14:19
  vritti,
• 14:21
  the
• 14:21
  fluctuations
• 14:22
  of
• 14:22
  the
• 14:23
  mind.
• 14:24
  Identity
• 14:24
  in
• 14:25
  that
• 14:25
  framework
• 14:26
  isn't
• 14:26
  a
• 14:26
  thing
• 14:27
  you
• 14:27
  are,
• 14:28
  it's
• 14:29
  an
• 14:29
  activity
• 14:30
  the
• 14:30
  mind
• 14:30
  is
• 14:31
  doing.
• 14:32
  It
• 14:32
  switches
• 14:33
  on
• 14:33
  and
• 14:34
  off.
• 14:35
  And
• 14:35
  when
• 14:35
  you're
• 14:35
  fully
• 14:36
  absorbed
• 14:36
  in
• 14:37
  holding
• 14:37
  someone
• 14:37
  you
• 14:38
  love,
• 14:39
  the
• 14:39
  identity
• 14:40
  isn't
• 14:40
  running,
• 14:42
  there's
• 14:42
  just
• 14:42
  presence.
• 14:44
  The
• 14:44
  I
• 14:45
  reasserts
• 14:46
  itself
• 14:47
  a
• 14:47
  moment
• 14:47
  later,
• 14:49
  but
• 14:49
  just
• 14:49
  for
• 14:50
  a
• 14:50
  moment.
• 14:51
  It's
• 14:51
  a
• 14:52
  quiet
• 14:53
  where
• 14:53
  you
• 14:53
  are
• 14:54
  just
• 14:54
  fine,
• 14:55
  where
• 14:55
  you
• 14:56
  are
• 14:56
  just
• 14:57
  holding
• 14:58
  love
• 14:59
  with
• 14:59
  love.
• 15:01
  Buddhism
• 15:02
  makes
• 15:02
  the
• 15:02
  claim
• 15:03
  even
• 15:04
  more
• 15:04
  directly
• 15:05
  through
• 15:05
  the
• 15:05
  teaching
• 15:06
  of
• 15:06
  Anada
• 15:07
  non
• 15:08
  Self,
• 15:09
  that
• 15:09
  what
• 15:10
  we
• 15:10
  call
• 15:10
  the
• 15:11
  self
• 15:11
  is
• 15:11
  a
• 15:12
  process,
• 15:13
  not
• 15:13
  a
• 15:13
  possession,
• 15:14
  a
• 15:15
  pattern,
• 15:16
  not
• 15:16
  a
• 15:17
  permanent
• 15:17
  thing.
• 15:18
  And
• 15:18
  in
• 15:18
  the
• 15:19
  Bhagavad
• 15:19
  Gita
• 15:20
  there's
• 15:20
  a
• 15:20
  line
• 15:20
  that
• 15:21
  reorganize
• 15:22
  how
• 15:22
  I
• 15:23
  hold
• 15:23
  my
• 15:23
  own
• 15:24
  ambition.
• 15:26
  Chapter
• 15:26
  two,
• 15:27
  verse
• 15:27
  47.
• 15:29
  You
• 15:29
  have
• 15:30
  a
• 15:30
  right
• 15:30
  to
• 15:31
  your
• 15:31
  actions,
• 15:32
  but
• 15:32
  never
• 15:33
  to
• 15:33
  the
• 15:33
  fruits
• 15:34
  of
• 15:34
  your
• 15:35
  actions.
• 15:37
  Really
• 15:37
  listen
• 15:38
  to
• 15:38
  that
• 15:38
  slowly.
• 15:39
  You
• 15:40
  are
• 15:40
  entitled
• 15:41
  to
• 15:42
  what
• 15:42
  you
• 15:42
  do.
• 15:43
  You
• 15:43
  are
• 15:44
  not
• 15:44
  entitled
• 15:46
  to
• 15:46
  how
• 15:46
  it
• 15:46
  lands.
• 15:47
  The
• 15:48
  Gita
• 15:48
  isn't
• 15:48
  telling
• 15:49
  you
• 15:49
  to
• 15:49
  stop
• 15:49
  caring
• 15:50
  or
• 15:50
  that
• 15:50
  you
• 15:51
  shouldn't
• 15:51
  achieve.
• 15:52
  It's
• 15:52
  telling
• 15:53
  you
• 15:53
  to
• 15:53
  unhook
• 15:54
  your
• 15:54
  identity
• 15:55
  from
• 15:56
  an
• 15:56
  outcome
• 15:57
  you
• 15:57
  were
• 15:57
  never
• 15:58
  in
• 15:58
  control
• 15:58
  of.
• 16:00
  I
• 16:00
  think
• 16:01
  they're
• 16:01
  trying
• 16:01
  to
• 16:01
  lead
• 16:02
  us
• 16:02
  to
• 16:02
  understand
• 16:03
  that
• 16:04
  there's
• 16:05
  some
• 16:05
  bigger
• 16:06
  power
• 16:06
  out
• 16:07
  there
• 16:07
  that
• 16:08
  is
• 16:08
  responsible
• 16:09
  for
• 16:09
  the
• 16:09
  outcomes.
• 16:10
  And
• 16:10
  all
• 16:11
  you
• 16:11
  are
• 16:12
  responsible
• 16:12
  for
• 16:13
  is
• 16:14
  being
• 16:15
  yourself
• 16:18
  and
• 16:18
  not
• 16:19
  worrying
• 16:19
  about
• 16:19
  the
• 16:20
  outcome.
• 16:21
  That
• 16:21
  is
• 16:22
  in
• 16:22
  the
• 16:22
  hands
• 16:23
  of
• 16:23
  the
• 16:23
  gods
• 16:24
  of
• 16:24
  the
• 16:24
  Creator
• 16:25
  of
• 16:25
  the
• 16:25
  universe.
• 16:27
  It's
• 16:27
  taking
• 16:28
  your
• 16:28
  sense
• 16:28
  of
• 16:29
  self
• 16:29
  out
• 16:30
  of
• 16:30
  the
• 16:30
  result
• 16:31
  and
• 16:31
  putting
• 16:32
  it
• 16:32
  back
• 16:32
  into
• 16:33
  the
• 16:33
  action
• 16:34
  of
• 16:34
  the
• 16:35
  what
• 16:35
  it
• 16:35
  is
• 16:36
  that
• 16:36
  you're
• 16:36
  doing
• 16:36
  and
• 16:37
  how
• 16:37
  you're
• 16:37
  doing
• 16:38
  it.
• 16:39
  That's
• 16:39
  where
• 16:39
  we
• 16:39
  get
• 16:40
  our
• 16:40
  freedom.
• 16:41
  It's
• 16:41
  the
• 16:41
  spiritual
• 16:42
  version
• 16:42
  of
• 16:42
  everything
• 16:43
  that
• 16:43
  psychology
• 16:44
  has
• 16:44
  been
• 16:45
  circling
• 16:46
  for
• 16:46
  many,
• 16:46
  many
• 16:46
  years.
• 16:47
  And
• 16:47
  it's
• 16:48
  the
• 16:48
  doorway
• 16:49
  to
• 16:49
  that
• 16:49
  one
• 16:49
  practical
• 16:50
  lever
• 16:51
  I
• 16:51
  promised
• 16:52
  you
• 16:52
  at
• 16:52
  the
• 16:52
  start.
• 16:53
  Here's
• 16:54
  the
• 16:54
  lever
• 16:55
  and
• 16:55
  it's
• 16:55
  going
• 16:55
  to
• 16:55
  sound
• 16:56
  almost
• 16:57
  way
• 16:57
  too
• 16:57
  small.
• 16:59
  You
• 16:59
  do
• 16:59
  not
• 16:59
  control
• 17:00
  your
• 17:00
  thoughts
• 17:00
  and
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  never
• 17:01
  will.
• 17:02
  Your
• 17:02
  mind
• 17:03
  generates
• 17:03
  them
• 17:04
  the
• 17:05
  way
• 17:05
  the
• 17:05
  body
• 17:05
  generates
• 17:06
  a
• 17:07
  heartbeat.
• 17:08
  A
• 17:08
  thought
• 17:09
  arrives.
• 17:10
  I'm
• 17:10
  going
• 17:10
  to
• 17:10
  be
• 17:10
  found
• 17:10
  out.
• 17:11
  I've
• 17:12
  left
• 17:12
  it
• 17:12
  too
• 17:12
  late.
• 17:13
  I'm
• 17:13
  too
• 17:13
  old
• 17:14
  for
• 17:14
  this.
• 17:14
  I'm
• 17:15
  too
• 17:15
  young
• 17:15
  for
• 17:15
  this.
• 17:17
  I
• 17:17
  can't
• 17:17
  do
• 17:17
  this.
• 17:18
  Who
• 17:18
  am
• 17:19
  I
• 17:19
  to
• 17:19
  want
• 17:20
  this?
• 17:20
  Even?
• 17:21
  Am
• 17:21
  I
• 17:21
  being
• 17:21
  greedy?
• 17:23
  All
• 17:23
  those
• 17:23
  thoughts
• 17:24
  you
• 17:24
  did
• 17:24
  not
• 17:25
  author
• 17:25
  those.
• 17:26
  Trying
• 17:27
  to
• 17:27
  control
• 17:28
  which
• 17:28
  thoughts
• 17:29
  appear
• 17:30
  is
• 17:30
  like
• 17:30
  trying
• 17:30
  to
• 17:31
  swim
• 17:32
  up
• 17:32
  a
• 17:32
  waterfall.
• 17:34
  But
• 17:34
  you
• 17:35
  have
• 17:35
  complete
• 17:36
  control
• 17:36
  over
• 17:37
  one
• 17:37
  thing,
• 17:39
  how
• 17:39
  you
• 17:39
  respond
• 17:40
  to
• 17:40
  the
• 17:40
  thought
• 17:40
  once
• 17:41
  it's
• 17:41
  arrived.
• 17:43
  This
• 17:43
  is
• 17:43
  the
• 17:43
  core
• 17:44
  insight
• 17:44
  of
• 17:45
  acceptance
• 17:46
  and
• 17:46
  commitment
• 17:46
  therapy,
• 17:48
  developed
• 17:48
  by
• 17:48
  the
• 17:48
  psychologist
• 17:49
  Stephen
• 17:50
  Hayes.
• 17:51
  They
• 17:51
  call
• 17:51
  it
• 17:51
  the
• 17:52
  skill
• 17:53
  cognitive
• 17:53
  diffusion.
• 17:55
  Learning
• 17:55
  to
• 17:56
  see
• 17:56
  a
• 17:56
  thought
• 17:57
  as
• 17:57
  a
• 17:57
  thought,
• 17:58
  an
• 17:58
  event
• 17:59
  in
• 17:59
  the
• 17:59
  mind,
• 18:00
  rather
• 18:00
  than
• 18:01
  a
• 18:01
  fact
• 18:02
  about
• 18:02
  reality,
• 18:03
  and
• 18:04
  rather
• 18:04
  than
• 18:04
  a
• 18:05
  fact
• 18:05
  that
• 18:05
  it's
• 18:05
  as
• 18:06
  though
• 18:06
  it's
• 18:06
  you.
• 18:08
  The
• 18:08
  thought
• 18:09
  that,
• 18:09
  oh,
• 18:10
  I'm
• 18:10
  a
• 18:10
  fraud
• 18:10
  or
• 18:11
  I
• 18:11
  can't
• 18:11
  do
• 18:12
  this,
• 18:12
  yes,
• 18:13
  it
• 18:13
  might
• 18:13
  arrive.
• 18:15
  The
• 18:15
  unskilled
• 18:16
  response
• 18:16
  is
• 18:16
  to
• 18:17
  fuse
• 18:17
  with
• 18:17
  it
• 18:17
  as
• 18:18
  if
• 18:18
  it's
• 18:18
  true,
• 18:19
  to
• 18:19
  treat
• 18:19
  it
• 18:19
  as
• 18:20
  a
• 18:20
  verdict.
• 18:21
  And
• 18:22
  the
• 18:22
  skilled
• 18:22
  response
• 18:23
  is
• 18:23
  to
• 18:24
  notice
• 18:24
  it.
• 18:25
  Ah,
• 18:25
  there's
• 18:26
  a
• 18:26
  thought
• 18:26
  again.
• 18:27
  And
• 18:28
  then
• 18:28
  choose
• 18:29
  your
• 18:29
  next
• 18:30
  action
• 18:31
  anyway.
• 18:32
  You
• 18:32
  don't
• 18:32
  have
• 18:33
  to
• 18:33
  listen
• 18:33
  to
• 18:33
  it.
• 18:34
  It's
• 18:34
  like
• 18:35
  listening
• 18:35
  to
• 18:35
  a
• 18:35
  friend.
• 18:36
  You
• 18:36
  don't
• 18:36
  have
• 18:37
  to
• 18:37
  listen
• 18:37
  to
• 18:37
  them.
• 18:38
  And
• 18:39
  here's
• 18:39
  why.
• 18:39
  That
• 18:40
  small
• 18:40
  move
• 18:41
  changes
• 18:42
  everything
• 18:43
  over
• 18:43
  time
• 18:44
  with
• 18:45
  hard
• 18:45
  neuroscience
• 18:46
  as
• 18:46
  well.
• 18:47
  The
• 18:47
  principle
• 18:48
  goes
• 18:48
  back
• 18:48
  to
• 18:49
  Hebb
• 18:50
  in
• 18:50
  1949,
• 18:52
  usually
• 18:53
  summarised
• 18:54
  as
• 18:55
  neurons
• 18:56
  that
• 18:56
  fire
• 18:56
  together
• 18:57
  wire
• 18:58
  together.
• 18:59
  Every
• 18:59
  time
• 19:00
  you
• 19:00
  respond
• 19:00
  to
• 19:00
  a
• 19:00
  thought
• 19:01
  in
• 19:01
  a
• 19:01
  particular
• 19:01
  way,
• 19:02
  you
• 19:02
  strengthen
• 19:03
  that
• 19:03
  pathway.
• 19:04
  Respond
• 19:05
  to
• 19:06
  I'm
• 19:06
  a
• 19:06
  fraud,
• 19:07
  I'm
• 19:07
  a
• 19:07
  fraud,
• 19:08
  I
• 19:08
  can't
• 19:09
  do
• 19:09
  this
• 19:09
  by
• 19:09
  spiraling.
• 19:10
  And
• 19:10
  you
• 19:11
  lay
• 19:11
  down
• 19:11
  the
• 19:12
  spiral
• 19:12
  as
• 19:13
  a
• 19:13
  deeper
• 19:14
  groove.
• 19:15
  Even
• 19:15
  if
• 19:16
  you
• 19:17
  suppress
• 19:18
  it
• 19:18
  and
• 19:18
  trying
• 19:18
  to
• 19:19
  avoid
• 19:19
  it,
• 19:19
  but
• 19:19
  you
• 19:20
  really
• 19:20
  feel
• 19:20
  it.
• 19:21
  Respond
• 19:22
  instead
• 19:22
  by
• 19:22
  noticing
• 19:23
  it,
• 19:23
  become
• 19:23
  aware
• 19:24
  of
• 19:24
  it
• 19:25
  and
• 19:25
  acting
• 19:26
  and
• 19:26
  doing
• 19:26
  what
• 19:27
  it
• 19:27
  is
• 19:27
  that
• 19:27
  you
• 19:27
  want
• 19:28
  anyway.
• 19:29
  And
• 19:29
  starve
• 19:30
  that
• 19:31
  old
• 19:31
  groove
• 19:31
  and
• 19:32
  cut
• 19:32
  a
• 19:32
  new
• 19:33
  one.
• 19:34
  So
• 19:34
  think
• 19:34
  of
• 19:34
  your
• 19:35
  mind
• 19:35
  not
• 19:35
  as
• 19:35
  a
• 19:36
  blank
• 19:36
  slate
• 19:37
  and
• 19:37
  not
• 19:37
  as
• 19:38
  something
• 19:38
  you
• 19:38
  command
• 19:39
  or
• 19:39
  can
• 19:40
  control,
• 19:41
  but
• 19:41
  as
• 19:41
  a
• 19:41
  garden.
• 19:43
  You
• 19:43
  can't
• 19:43
  get
• 19:43
  to
• 19:44
  control
• 19:44
  which
• 19:44
  seeds
• 19:45
  blow
• 19:46
  in
• 19:46
  the
• 19:46
  wind.
• 19:47
  You
• 19:47
  can
• 19:48
  absolutely
• 19:49
  control
• 19:50
  which
• 19:50
  you
• 19:50
  will
• 19:50
  water
• 19:51
  and
• 19:51
  which
• 19:52
  you
• 19:52
  will
• 19:52
  pull
• 19:53
  out.
• 19:54
  And
• 19:54
  you.
• 19:54
  You
• 19:55
  can't
• 19:55
  stop
• 19:55
  the
• 19:56
  thought,
• 19:56
  but
• 19:57
  you
• 19:57
  can
• 19:57
  refuse
• 19:58
  to
• 19:59
  feed
• 19:59
  it.
• 20:01
  And
• 20:01
  over
• 20:01
  time,
• 20:02
  the
• 20:03
  unwanted
• 20:03
  thoughts
• 20:04
  wither
• 20:05
  and
• 20:05
  the
• 20:05
  ones
• 20:06
  you
• 20:06
  tend
• 20:06
  to
• 20:07
  grow
• 20:08
  into
• 20:08
  the
• 20:08
  path
• 20:09
  of
• 20:09
  least
• 20:09
  resistance.
• 20:11
  Which
• 20:11
  leaves
• 20:12
  the
• 20:12
  question,
• 20:13
  where
• 20:14
  does
• 20:14
  the
• 20:14
  lever
• 20:15
  start?
• 20:16
  It
• 20:16
  starts
• 20:17
  with
• 20:17
  awareness.
• 20:18
  And
• 20:19
  I
• 20:19
  want
• 20:19
  to
• 20:19
  show
• 20:19
  you
• 20:20
  how
• 20:20
  fast
• 20:21
  it
• 20:21
  works.
• 20:23
  Wherever
• 20:23
  you
• 20:23
  are,
• 20:24
  just
• 20:24
  notice
• 20:25
  your
• 20:25
  breath.
• 20:26
  I
• 20:27
  didn't
• 20:27
  say
• 20:27
  change
• 20:27
  it.
• 20:28
  I
• 20:28
  didn't
• 20:29
  say
• 20:29
  take
• 20:29
  a
• 20:29
  deep
• 20:30
  breath.
• 20:31
  Just
• 20:31
  observe
• 20:32
  it
• 20:32
  for
• 20:32
  a
• 20:32
  moment.
• 20:34
  Notice
• 20:35
  what
• 20:36
  happened.
• 20:37
  The
• 20:37
  instant
• 20:38
  you
• 20:38
  turned
• 20:39
  your
• 20:39
  attention
• 20:39
  onto
• 20:40
  your
• 20:40
  breath,
• 20:41
  it
• 20:41
  changed.
• 20:43
  You
• 20:43
  couldn't
• 20:43
  Observe
• 20:44
  it
• 20:44
  and
• 20:44
  leave
• 20:45
  it
• 20:45
  natural.
• 20:47
  Because
• 20:47
  awareness
• 20:48
  itself
• 20:48
  is
• 20:49
  the
• 20:49
  beginning
• 20:50
  of
• 20:50
  control.
• 20:52
  The
• 20:52
  part
• 20:52
  of
• 20:52
  your
• 20:52
  brain
• 20:53
  that
• 20:53
  notices
• 20:54
  conflict
• 20:55
  is
• 20:55
  the
• 20:56
  same
• 20:56
  machinery
• 20:58
  that
• 20:58
  lets
• 20:59
  you
• 20:59
  choose.
• 21:01
  That's
• 21:01
  the
• 21:01
  whole
• 21:02
  game
• 21:02
  in
• 21:02
  30
• 21:03
  seconds.
• 21:04
  You
• 21:04
  don't
• 21:04
  fix
• 21:05
  the
• 21:05
  identity
• 21:06
  by
• 21:06
  force.
• 21:07
  You
• 21:07
  become
• 21:07
  aware
• 21:08
  of
• 21:08
  it.
• 21:09
  And
• 21:09
  awareness
• 21:10
  is
• 21:10
  the
• 21:10
  first
• 21:11
  place
• 21:12
  the
• 21:12
  grip
• 21:12
  loosens.
• 21:14
  I
• 21:14
  told
• 21:15
  you
• 21:15
  the
• 21:15
  goal
• 21:15
  was
• 21:16
  never
• 21:16
  to.
• 21:16
  To
• 21:17
  have
• 21:17
  a
• 21:17
  better
• 21:17
  identity.
• 21:19
  Here's
• 21:19
  what
• 21:19
  I
• 21:19
  mean.
• 21:21
  I'm
• 21:21
  a
• 21:22
  leader.
• 21:22
  I'm
• 21:23
  not
• 21:23
  a
• 21:23
  leader.
• 21:24
  I've
• 21:24
  left
• 21:25
  it
• 21:25
  too
• 21:25
  late.
• 21:26
  I'm
• 21:26
  right
• 21:26
  on
• 21:26
  time.
• 21:28
  As
• 21:28
  long
• 21:29
  as
• 21:29
  you're
• 21:29
  living
• 21:29
  inside
• 21:30
  those
• 21:30
  statements,
• 21:32
  you're
• 21:32
  still
• 21:33
  inside
• 21:34
  the
• 21:34
  lens,
• 21:35
  just
• 21:35
  maybe
• 21:36
  a
• 21:36
  prettier
• 21:37
  version
• 21:37
  of
• 21:37
  it.
• 21:38
  The
• 21:38
  work
• 21:39
  isn't
• 21:39
  to
• 21:40
  win
• 21:40
  the
• 21:40
  argument
• 21:42
  about
• 21:42
  which
• 21:43
  identity
• 21:43
  is
• 21:44
  better
• 21:44
  or
• 21:44
  true.
• 21:46
  The
• 21:46
  work
• 21:46
  is
• 21:47
  to
• 21:47
  step
• 21:47
  back
• 21:48
  far
• 21:49
  enough
• 21:50
  to
• 21:50
  see
• 21:51
  that
• 21:51
  you
• 21:51
  are
• 21:51
  not
• 21:51
  the
• 21:52
  statement
• 21:52
  at
• 21:52
  all.
• 21:54
  You're
• 21:54
  the
• 21:54
  one
• 21:54
  watching
• 21:55
  it
• 21:55
  arrive.
• 21:57
  So
• 21:58
  you
• 21:58
  were
• 21:59
  before
• 22:00
  any
• 22:01
  of
• 22:01
  the
• 22:01
  labels
• 22:02
  were,
• 22:03
  and
• 22:03
  you'll
• 22:03
  be
• 22:03
  there
• 22:04
  after.
• 22:04
  Those
• 22:05
  labels
• 22:05
  will
• 22:05
  be
• 22:05
  gone.
• 22:06
  The
• 22:07
  credentials,
• 22:07
  the
• 22:08
  roles,
• 22:08
  the.
• 22:08
  The
• 22:09
  story
• 22:09
  of
• 22:10
  who
• 22:10
  you
• 22:10
  become,
• 22:12
  those
• 22:12
  are
• 22:12
  things
• 22:13
  you
• 22:13
  have.
• 22:14
  And
• 22:15
  you
• 22:15
  are
• 22:15
  none
• 22:16
  of
• 22:16
  those
• 22:16
  things.
• 22:17
  You
• 22:18
  go
• 22:18
  way
• 22:19
  beyond
• 22:19
  them.
• 22:20
  You
• 22:21
  can
• 22:21
  have
• 22:22
  anything
• 22:23
  you
• 22:24
  want
• 22:25
  because
• 22:25
  of
• 22:25
  that.
• 22:27
  So
• 22:27
  if
• 22:27
  you're
• 22:28
  standing
• 22:28
  in
• 22:28
  the
• 22:28
  middle
• 22:29
  of
• 22:29
  starting
• 22:29
  over
• 22:30
  and
• 22:30
  the
• 22:30
  old
• 22:31
  identity
• 22:31
  won't
• 22:32
  let
• 22:32
  go,
• 22:33
  I
• 22:33
  don't
• 22:34
  want
• 22:34
  you
• 22:34
  to
• 22:34
  fight
• 22:34
  it.
• 22:35
  I
• 22:36
  don't
• 22:36
  want
• 22:36
  you
• 22:36
  to
• 22:36
  replace
• 22:37
  it
• 22:38
  with
• 22:38
  another
• 22:39
  identity.
• 22:40
  I
• 22:41
  want
• 22:41
  you
• 22:41
  to
• 22:41
  outgrow
• 22:42
  the
• 22:43
  need
• 22:44
  to
• 22:44
  be
• 22:45
  certain
• 22:45
  about
• 22:46
  any
• 22:47
  identity.
• 22:49
  You
• 22:49
  can
• 22:49
  be
• 22:49
  capable
• 22:50
  and
• 22:50
  still
• 22:51
  be
• 22:51
  afraid.
• 22:52
  You
• 22:52
  can
• 22:52
  be
• 22:53
  wise
• 22:54
  and
• 22:54
  still
• 22:54
  get
• 22:55
  something
• 22:55
  wrong.
• 22:56
  You
• 22:56
  can
• 22:57
  hold
• 22:57
  both.
• 22:59
  The
• 22:59
  freedom
• 23:00
  is
• 23:01
  never
• 23:01
  in
• 23:01
  finally
• 23:02
  becoming
• 23:03
  someone
• 23:04
  solid.
• 23:06
  The
• 23:06
  freedom
• 23:06
  is
• 23:07
  in
• 23:07
  realizing
• 23:08
  you
• 23:08
  were
• 23:09
  never
• 23:09
  only
• 23:10
  one
• 23:10
  thing.
• 23:11
  And
• 23:11
  you
• 23:11
  don't
• 23:12
  have
• 23:12
  to
• 23:12
  defend
• 23:13
  a
• 23:14
  self
• 23:15
  that
• 23:15
  was
• 23:15
  always
• 23:16
  going
• 23:16
  to
• 23:16
  keep
• 23:17
  changing.
• 23:18
  That
• 23:19
  is
• 23:19
  not
• 23:19
  losing
• 23:20
  yourself.
• 23:21
  That
• 23:22
  is
• 23:23
  the
• 23:24
  first
• 23:24
  honest
• 23:25
  moment
• 23:26
  of
• 23:26
  being
• 23:27
  yourself
• 23:28
  completely.
• 23:30
  If
• 23:31
  you
• 23:31
  are
• 23:32
  looking
• 23:32
  to
• 23:33
  start
• 23:33
  over
• 23:34
  and
• 23:34
  really
• 23:34
  be
• 23:35
  you
• 23:35
  and
• 23:36
  go
• 23:36
  beyond
• 23:37
  all
• 23:37
  those
• 23:38
  labels,
• 23:39
  to
• 23:39
  go
• 23:39
  beyond
• 23:40
  anything
• 23:41
  that
• 23:41
  can
• 23:41
  hold
• 23:42
  you
• 23:42
  back,
• 23:43
  but
• 23:43
  to
• 23:43
  really
• 23:44
  feel
• 23:44
  free,
• 23:44
  to
• 23:45
  hold
• 23:46
  many
• 23:47
  parts
• 23:48
  of
• 23:48
  you
• 23:48
  and
• 23:49
  succeed
• 23:49
  in
• 23:49
  that,
• 23:50
  then
• 23:50
  please
• 23:51
  do
• 23:51
  look
• 23:52
  at
• 23:52
  the
• 23:52
  free
• 23:52
  masterclass.
• 23:54
  Please
• 23:55
  look
• 23:55
  in
• 23:55
  the
• 23:55
  show
• 23:55
  notes
• 23:57
  and
• 23:57
  you
• 23:57
  will
• 23:58
  find
• 23:58
  and
• 23:59
  you
• 23:59
  can
• 23:59
  explore
• 24:01
  so
• 24:01
  that
• 24:01
  you
• 24:01
  can.
• 24:01
  Then
• 24:02
  I
• 24:02
  have
• 24:03
  a
• 24:03
  free
• 24:03
  masterclass
• 24:04
  that
• 24:04
  can
• 24:05
  help
• 24:05
  you
• 24:05
  move
• 24:06
  forward.
• 24:08
  To
• 24:08
  really
• 24:08
  go
• 24:09
  beyond
• 24:09
  any
• 24:10
  identity
• 24:11
  so
• 24:11
  that
• 24:11
  you
• 24:11
  can
• 24:12
  truly
• 24:13
  step
• 24:14
  into
• 24:14
  you
• 24:15
  being
• 24:15
  you.
• 24:16
  I'm
• 24:17
  sending
• 24:17
  you
• 24:17
  love
• 24:18
  until
• 24:18
  next
• 24:19
  time.