Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 467. Why Rejection Feels So Painful (Psychology of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria)

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467. Why Rejection Feels So Painful (Psychology of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:15
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful Booms, and welcome to the podcast episode of today.
0:20
Speaker 1: I'm actually just jumping in here before we get started
0:23
Speaker 1: on the topic of today's episode, to let you know,
0:25
Speaker 1: especially my Sydney beans, that I am doing a one
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0:33
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0:36
Speaker 1: And I am apologizing because I left Sydney out of
0:40
Speaker 1: the Lost But Make It Look Intentional live show tour
0:43
Speaker 1: across Australia. It was unbelievable, but unfortunately I was not
0:46
Speaker 1: able to add Sydney on that tour list. But now
0:49
Speaker 1: we are coming back to Sydney with the Lost But
0:52
Speaker 1: Make It Look Intentional show, one last show off that tour,
0:55
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0:58
Speaker 1: any other show I've ever done, so in Sydney or
1:00
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1:03
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1:07
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1:09
Speaker 1: So if you live in Sydney or anywhere in the world,
1:11
Speaker 1: then head to dyfmpod dot com and click on the
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Speaker 1: it's all happening. So jump on the website get yourself
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Speaker 1: Wednesday night, so maybe go have dinner, have drinks in
1:39
Speaker 1: the city, and then come and change your life at
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Speaker 1: the live show because I will. That's my aim to
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Speaker 1: change your life anyway over and out. Love you guys
1:47
Speaker 1: so much. Let's get straight into the episode of today.
1:52
Speaker 1: Hello beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast. Episode off Today.
1:56
Speaker 1: Before I get into the episode of today, because it's
1:59
Speaker 1: going to be very much at a put a finger
2:01
Speaker 1: down kind of episode if I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
2:08
Speaker 1: Before we get into that, we are back to regular programming.
2:12
Speaker 1: So we've done the two week mini course the last
2:15
Speaker 1: two weeks. The feedback was unbelievable. It's just it's just
2:20
Speaker 1: confirmed that we love a miniseries, we love a January restart.
2:23
Speaker 1: We are definitely going to continue with that. January theme
2:26
Speaker 1: every single year moving forward for the next like thousand
2:29
Speaker 1: years that I've got this podcast, and also that I
2:31
Speaker 1: want to do more miniseries throughout the year because it's
2:34
Speaker 1: just the feedback that I've been getting from you guys
2:37
Speaker 1: is I love this, you know, batch of daily episodes.
2:40
Speaker 1: So I'm staying on task, I'm reminding myself what I
2:44
Speaker 1: have to do. I'm just constantly, you know, being given
2:47
Speaker 1: that little nudge every single day so I don't fall
2:49
Speaker 1: off the bandwagon. So that was really really cool. I
2:51
Speaker 1: loved all the comments on the Spotify episodes. Yeah, great community, great,
2:56
Speaker 1: great encouragement, like can I just give you guys a
2:58
Speaker 1: huge round for clause as well encouragement between my audience,
3:02
Speaker 1: people saying I struggle with this whatever, and then another
3:04
Speaker 1: listener will goment in comment and give some advice or
3:07
Speaker 1: feedback or some support, which was really really nice to see.
3:11
Speaker 1: If you guys haven't already felt the intense love that
3:16
Speaker 1: this community, the DYFM podcast community has to offer, then
3:21
Speaker 1: just jump on the comments and you'll see how supportive
3:23
Speaker 1: everyone is. So yeah, like I said, we're back to
3:26
Speaker 1: regular programming and the only slight difference so the Monday
3:30
Speaker 1: episodes are going to be the same. I pick a topic,
3:33
Speaker 1: any topic neuroscience or psychology, and I break down. I
3:36
Speaker 1: tell you what it is, what it feels like, what
3:39
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like, and systems or things to put
3:42
Speaker 1: into place to make a change. And then we've got
3:45
Speaker 1: the head Noise episodes on Friday, but I am going
3:47
Speaker 1: to be adding a second Head Noise episode on a Wednesday,
3:50
Speaker 1: so we've got Monday normal episode. Wednesday and Friday are
3:54
Speaker 1: the Head Noise episodes. Just because this kind of as
3:58
Speaker 1: of last year, the influx of head always questions and
4:00
Speaker 1: really good questions, can I just say, have been coming
4:03
Speaker 1: in thick and fast. So I thought, you know, there's
4:06
Speaker 1: are great questions. You guys are so creative on the titles.
4:08
Speaker 1: They're just very juicy, So I thought we need to
4:11
Speaker 1: kind of open up more of a platform to answer,
4:13
Speaker 1: and you guys love the Head Noise questions turns out
4:15
Speaker 1: so good times. Anyway, I want to get straight into
4:18
Speaker 1: the podcast episode of today, and what we're talking about
4:22
Speaker 1: is the psychology behind rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and we're going
4:28
Speaker 1: to be discussing tools that you can use to turn
4:31
Speaker 1: it around, how to deal with it and how to
4:34
Speaker 1: kind of move on. Now, what I am going to
4:37
Speaker 1: say is a lot of the time, when I talk
4:39
Speaker 1: about things that you might have, whether it be you know,
4:41
Speaker 1: social anxiety RSD or whatever it is, sometimes it's not
4:46
Speaker 1: about completely getting rid of it. Sometimes it's not about
4:49
Speaker 1: I need to find a qure and completely move on.
4:51
Speaker 1: Sometimes the best thing you can do is to identify
4:55
Speaker 1: when it's happening as quickly as possible and use the
4:58
Speaker 1: tools that you have learned and put them into practice
5:01
Speaker 1: so it doesn't affect your life as much, and maybe
5:04
Speaker 1: eventually you can it goes away all together, And for
5:08
Speaker 1: some people it might not go away all together, but
5:10
Speaker 1: it gets so much smaller that it's way more manageable,
5:13
Speaker 1: way more manageable. You have a deeper understanding of yourself
5:16
Speaker 1: and how your mind works, and you're less likely to
5:19
Speaker 1: beat yourself up. You're less likely to have it be
5:22
Speaker 1: something that causes you to really suffer in your life.
5:24
Speaker 1: So that is the aim. If you can't completely eradicate
5:27
Speaker 1: it, it's fine. As long as you learn to identify and
5:30
Speaker 1: intercept as quickly as possible for you, you're already going
5:34
Speaker 1: to see some massive changes in your life. Okay, so
5:37
Speaker 1: it'll be helpful regardless if you can you know wherever
5:41
Speaker 1: you stand with it. Now, rejection sensitivity dysphoria. I'm going
5:45
Speaker 1: to refer to it interchangeably as that an RSD. It's
5:49
Speaker 1: not technically a proper diagnosis when we're referring to the
5:52
Speaker 1: DSM five. Okay, So, but it is a very very
5:56
Speaker 1: much a recognized experience, and a lot of psychologists psychiatrists
6:00
Speaker 1: do acknowledge that it is very much a recognized experience,
6:04
Speaker 1: and they find that it's particularly common within individuals with
6:10
Speaker 1: ADHD as well. Okay, so you might be listening to
6:14
Speaker 1: this and also have an ADHD diagnosis and be like,
6:17
Speaker 1: oh my god, she's literally written this episode for me.
6:21
Speaker 1: Maybe I have. Okay, So let's first talk about what
6:26
Speaker 1: RSD feels like. Then we're going to be talking about
6:29
Speaker 1: the triggers. Then I'll explain the mechanisms from a neuroscience standpoint,
6:34
Speaker 1: what's actually going on in the brain to cause this.
6:36
Speaker 1: Then we're going to be talking about signs that you
6:38
Speaker 1: yourself might have it, what behaviors occur when you have it,
6:44
Speaker 1: and then I'll be talking about how you can curb it.
6:47
Speaker 1: All Right, let's get into it. Okay. So so number one,
6:50
Speaker 1: what RSD actually feels like. So it isn't as simple
6:53
Speaker 1: as oh, you're just sensitive, you're being sensitive. It's a
6:56
Speaker 1: full body emotional blow to the system. Okay. It feels
7:00
Speaker 1: sudden and overwhelming, like actually overwhelming the definition of the
7:05
Speaker 1: word overwhelming. You can't really deal with these feelings. It's
7:09
Speaker 1: disproportionate to the situation. So if you were able to rationalize,
7:13
Speaker 1: you would then be able to realize, oh my god,
7:15
Speaker 1: my reaction is disproportionate to what the cause of this,
7:19
Speaker 1: what the trigger was? Physical pain, tight chest, nausea, hate, panic,
7:25
Speaker 1: and it's accompanied by this intense shame and often, for
7:30
Speaker 1: some individuals this self loathing as well. Some people describe
7:34
Speaker 1: it as unbearable, like, I know this is irrational, but
7:39
Speaker 1: it is unbearable. So it's described as agony, physical agony
7:44
Speaker 1: triggered by being rejected. It can happen due to actual rejection,
7:49
Speaker 1: and it can also happen to perceived rejection even if
7:52
Speaker 1: you have not actually technically been rejected, but you might
7:55
Speaker 1: have read into someone's body language or expressions and perceived
8:00
Speaker 1: them as rejecting you. Okay, so you might have looked
8:02
Speaker 1: at a stimulus that's not clear and interpreted that as
8:05
Speaker 1: a rejection or a text message, and you've interpreted that
8:10
Speaker 1: as a rejection when it turns out that this person
8:13
Speaker 1: was just in a rush and very blunt when they
8:14
Speaker 1: messaged you, okay, you're more likely to look at a
8:18
Speaker 1: neutral situation and deem it to be a negative situation
8:22
Speaker 1: instead of a neutral situation. Like if someone was really
8:24
Speaker 1: late to something and they weren't able to message you
8:27
Speaker 1: saying that you're late, your initial your instinct is to
8:30
Speaker 1: say they've done a runner, they've failed on me, they've
8:33
Speaker 1: they've not coming, they've ghosted me. There and then it's
8:36
Speaker 1: this way, whereas someone who's more able to kind of
8:39
Speaker 1: intercept these thoughts and be a bit more rational with
8:42
Speaker 1: how they approach these things would probably say, oh, they
8:45
Speaker 1: might have lost track of time, maybe they're unable to
8:48
Speaker 1: call me. They must be late, and not until it's
8:51
Speaker 1: really late do they think because this person actually like
8:53
Speaker 1: rejected me, But initially they're quite rational with how they
8:56
Speaker 1: process it, okay. So it is more than sensitivity or
9:00
Speaker 1: sensitivity to criticism. It's having strong emotions that are really
9:02
Speaker 1: really difficult to regulate. But on top of this, there
9:07
Speaker 1: is this reporting of this intense level of emotional pain
9:12
Speaker 1: as well. Now, these are the common triggers. This is
9:16
Speaker 1: what I'm going to say, put a thing down. If
9:18
Speaker 1: you have RSD, someone not replying quickly enough to a
9:22
Speaker 1: text message or like a call. You know, you call
9:25
Speaker 1: them and that didn't call back. Neutral feedback interpreted as criticism.
9:31
Speaker 1: A change in tone, body language, or attention of somebody,
9:35
Speaker 1: you're instantly going to interpret that as being personal directed
9:38
Speaker 1: towards you, even though they might have something going on
9:41
Speaker 1: personally for them that's caused them to instantly change their
9:44
Speaker 1: body language and how they're interacting with you. Being left out,
9:48
Speaker 1: being corrected, being misunderstood, perceived failure, or letting someone down.
9:56
Speaker 1: So notice that everything I just mentioned is about perception
10:00
Speaker 1: and not reality. All these common triggers what you have perceived.
10:06
Speaker 1: Now let's talk about the core mechanism. So what's going
10:09
Speaker 1: on at a brain level? Okay, So rejection sensitivity dysphoria
10:14
Speaker 1: is thought to involve heightened threat detection in social situations.
10:20
Speaker 1: So this is where you get a really really really
10:22
Speaker 1: strong amygdala activation. And the amygdala we all know it.
10:27
Speaker 1: It's your brain's kind of fear response, threat detection. It
10:31
Speaker 1: operates within the limbic system. And this is these really
10:34
Speaker 1: intense protective emotions that we feel. This is your flight, flight, freeze, flee,
10:43
Speaker 1: all all of that, right now, when you get a
10:46
Speaker 1: really really really strong activation. And I did refer to
10:50
Speaker 1: this thing in the miniseries that I just finished. I
10:53
Speaker 1: think it was even week one. Well obviously either week
10:57
Speaker 1: one or two, but I'm pretty sure it was in
10:58
Speaker 1: week one. But when you're talking of this really really
11:01
Speaker 1: strong activation in the amygdala and in the limbic system,
11:03
Speaker 1: you've got these really really heightened, very active, very strong
11:08
Speaker 1: pathways going on in this threat detection part of the brain. Now,
11:12
Speaker 1: if this goes unchecked, this is where you have where
11:15
Speaker 1: you spiral. We all know what it feels like to
11:17
Speaker 1: absolutely spiral. And someone that's got RSD is really good
11:20
Speaker 1: at spiraling. Okay, so they go like it's like a
11:23
Speaker 1: cyclone going on in their head. Right And then because
11:26
Speaker 1: of the intensity of these emotions and this heightened threat detection,
11:31
Speaker 1: as you'll see in neutral stimulis like it's a threat.
11:33
Speaker 1: It's a threat. Oh my god, oh my god, I'm
11:34
Speaker 1: gonna like this is a social death, it's a social death.
11:36
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't. Then it just kind of like attracts,
11:40
Speaker 1: like you get more thoughts coming in, more thoughts coming in.
11:42
Speaker 1: You start to spiral it, and then you get that
11:44
Speaker 1: intense physical pain because the way your brain interprets emotional
11:49
Speaker 1: pain is overlaps very much so with the areas of
11:52
Speaker 1: the brain that interpret physical pain, so much so that
11:57
Speaker 1: when you take something to ease physical pain, like a painkiller,
12:01
Speaker 1: or when you exercise and you release in dolphins, which
12:03
Speaker 1: is your body's endogenously produced morphine, you actually get not
12:08
Speaker 1: only a reduction in physical pain, but you actually get
12:11
Speaker 1: a reduction in emotional pain because of the crossover of
12:14
Speaker 1: those areas. So that's why people with RSD do experience
12:17
Speaker 1: physical pain because it is such a heightened emotional pain
12:22
Speaker 1: that is felt okay now, because it's so heightened, you
12:25
Speaker 1: get this reduced top down regulation from the prefrontal cortex
12:30
Speaker 1: when you are under stress. So, as I've told you
12:33
Speaker 1: a thousand times, the prefrontal cortex is that the cortex
12:37
Speaker 1: of the front of the brain, which sits just behind
12:39
Speaker 1: your forehead, and that is you know, you're reasoning, your
12:43
Speaker 1: executive function, your ability to predict, you know, the outcome
12:47
Speaker 1: of certain things to understand you know, cause and effect
12:50
Speaker 1: all of that. Right. This is also because it's so
12:53
Speaker 1: good at reasoning. This is the part of the brain
12:55
Speaker 1: that when someone is able to logically top themselves down
12:58
Speaker 1: off a cliff or to you know, be rational, this
13:02
Speaker 1: is where the rational mind lives. They've got really good
13:06
Speaker 1: top down regulation of that. So that's basically where one
13:09
Speaker 1: part of the brain is able to very easily speak
13:13
Speaker 1: to another part of the brain. Now we need the amygdala.
13:16
Speaker 1: We need a threat detection system in our brain. If
13:18
Speaker 1: you don't have that at all, then you're going to
13:20
Speaker 1: have a whole gamut of other issues going on in
13:21
Speaker 1: your life. It's all about creating that balance in the brain.
13:24
Speaker 1: So what happens is we normally we'll get that threat detection,
13:27
Speaker 1: which is necessary. We're heightened, we are alert, we scan
13:32
Speaker 1: for real risk, and that's when the prefrontal cortex will
13:35
Speaker 1: come in and assist and say, either yeah, this is
13:38
Speaker 1: a yep, yep, let's fucking we need to this is
13:40
Speaker 1: a problem, or where you can step in and say
13:44
Speaker 1: it's actually all good. Maybe I could interpret it this way.
13:47
Speaker 1: It's not actually a real threat. This is a perceived threat.
13:50
Speaker 1: This is how I'm going to reason my way out
13:51
Speaker 1: of this. This is how I'm going to calm down,
13:54
Speaker 1: calm down these emotional centers, and I'm going to reduce
13:57
Speaker 1: that heightened like threat detection that's going on in my brain. So,
14:02
Speaker 1: like I said, social rejection is processed very similarly to
14:06
Speaker 1: physical brain physical pain in the brain, which is why
14:09
Speaker 1: it can feel so urgent as well. So now you
14:14
Speaker 1: can get a better better understanding what's actually happening in
14:17
Speaker 1: your brain. And now that you know what's happening in
14:20
Speaker 1: your brain, when I talk later on in the episode
14:23
Speaker 1: about things that you can do to change it, it's
14:25
Speaker 1: going to feel more doable, more realistic. I think sometimes
14:29
Speaker 1: when we don't understand what's happening in a physical and
14:31
Speaker 1: chemical part, like you know, when we don't understand exactly
14:36
Speaker 1: what's happening within the brain, it's really hard to see
14:39
Speaker 1: how a basic action could really curb the intensity of
14:44
Speaker 1: our emotions. But when you understand how actions, behaviors, thoughts
14:49
Speaker 1: can actually create changes within the framework of our brain,
14:53
Speaker 1: then you are a lot more optimistic that you can
14:55
Speaker 1: create this change for yourself. Right now, let's talk about
14:59
Speaker 1: scien that you yourself might have it. Number one, you
15:04
Speaker 1: are always expecting rejection. Okay, so let's have an example.
15:09
Speaker 1: Let's say your boss messages you and say, hey, can
15:11
Speaker 1: you come in four pm today we need to talk
15:15
Speaker 1: or can you come in at four pm for a chat.
15:18
Speaker 1: Someone who doesn't have you know RSD will say yeah,
15:22
Speaker 1: oh good, we're going for a chat. They're probably thinking
15:25
Speaker 1: we need to go over certain things, we need to whatever.
15:28
Speaker 1: Even if it's a performance review, they're probably thinking, okay, yeah,
15:31
Speaker 1: I'll hear the feedback whatever. Someone with RSD is going
15:34
Speaker 1: to think, worst case scenario, I'm getting fired or I'm
15:37
Speaker 1: getting a really strong warning. What have I done wrong?
15:39
Speaker 1: Why would they need to talk to me? Why are
15:41
Speaker 1: they're talking to me alone? Why me? Why alone? Why
15:44
Speaker 1: four pm today? Why is it today? It's just before
15:46
Speaker 1: the weekend. Oh my god, they're going to find me
15:48
Speaker 1: in now my weekend's spiral. Okay, so that's one of them.
15:53
Speaker 1: Another one is let's say you just started dating and
15:56
Speaker 1: your partner says, hey, you're free for a call, and
16:00
Speaker 1: you're like, it's done. Wherever they're dumping me. Okay. That's
16:04
Speaker 1: that's the level of the intensity that you expect rejection
16:08
Speaker 1: to be at. Next one is sudden outbursts of negative
16:12
Speaker 1: emotions of either anger or sadness. Do you have that
16:16
Speaker 1: regularly or regularly enough? Another one is you avoid intimacy
16:21
Speaker 1: because you fear that people will not like you when
16:24
Speaker 1: they get to know you. You're so scared of being
16:27
Speaker 1: rejected that you don't want to bear the true essence
16:30
Speaker 1: of you, because if the true essence of you was
16:34
Speaker 1: rejected more so than this kind of the superficial I've
16:37
Speaker 1: got my walls up, then it's then that would be
16:41
Speaker 1: unbearable in your mind, not in reality, but in your
16:44
Speaker 1: mind you would think that how could I move on
16:47
Speaker 1: from that? That's like the ultimate rejection, right, So you
16:49
Speaker 1: kind of avoid that intimacy, that emotional intimacy you perceive,
16:55
Speaker 1: like I said earlier, neutral responses as rejection or as
16:58
Speaker 1: being negative something negative towards you. You'll never think, oh
17:01
Speaker 1: my god, that person looks really preoccupied that personally, it's personal.
17:05
Speaker 1: You take it personal, an attack to you. You really
17:08
Speaker 1: have trouble believing in yourself. Often you're a people pleaser
17:13
Speaker 1: and you've got difficulty managing your reaction to things, so
17:17
Speaker 1: you spiral. Then you feel shame for spiraling, and then
17:19
Speaker 1: you feel embarrassed for feeling the shame for spiraling, and
17:22
Speaker 1: then it's kind of this vicious circle. And then because
17:25
Speaker 1: of all of this, you then become avoidant. You avoid
17:29
Speaker 1: situations where you're likely to get rejected again. So for
17:32
Speaker 1: someone that might be dating putting yourself out there in
17:34
Speaker 1: the workforce, you're going to stick to a job that's safe.
17:37
Speaker 1: You might think I'm done with this career, and I
17:40
Speaker 1: know I've been done with this career for five years.
17:42
Speaker 1: But it's a kind of job where maybe there's just
17:44
Speaker 1: no way I could be made redundant. It's a job
17:46
Speaker 1: where I'm always going to be needed, so as far
17:49
Speaker 1: as I could, I know I'll never be made redundant.
17:52
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good in what I do my income. I'm
17:56
Speaker 1: happy enough with it, but I hate it. I'm fucking
17:58
Speaker 1: over it. But the thought of lee and doing something different,
18:01
Speaker 1: even though you probably have a good skill set for
18:03
Speaker 1: other things, is just terrifying because you think, okay, great,
18:05
Speaker 1: what if I was to like leave this and start
18:08
Speaker 1: something that I quote unquote loved. But then it's riskier,
18:10
Speaker 1: it's more competitive. What if I didn't get a job
18:12
Speaker 1: straight away, What if I had to accept a crazy
18:15
Speaker 1: pay cut. What if then I got it but then
18:16
Speaker 1: got made redundant because it's really, you know, a really
18:19
Speaker 1: unstable feel to be in. So then you just you
18:22
Speaker 1: just avoid, you avoid it, and you never do it. Okay, withdrawal,
18:27
Speaker 1: you withdraw from people, You withdraw from situations at work,
18:30
Speaker 1: you withdraw, and then negative self talk, feeling inadequate in general,
18:35
Speaker 1: and low self esteem. Now, how do people with RSD
19:27
Speaker 1: commonly cope? So this is their way of coping. Not
19:30
Speaker 1: in a helpful way. I'm going to give you actual
19:32
Speaker 1: help and coping, helpful coping strategies, but this is how
19:36
Speaker 1: they cope with when it goes unchecked. So number one
19:38
Speaker 1: is people pleaser. Okay, you are trying to avoid rejection
19:42
Speaker 1: by being agreeable, by being really helpful, by being easy.
19:46
Speaker 1: I'm not standing in your way. I'm doing everything in
19:49
Speaker 1: my power that you wouldn't even think about rejecting me
19:52
Speaker 1: or getting rid of me, because I'm just that helpful,
19:55
Speaker 1: agreeable person that's never going to make you feel uncomfortable.
19:58
Speaker 1: So hopefully that means that I never have to feel uncomfortable.
20:02
Speaker 1: And then, of course there's a whole bunch of issues
20:04
Speaker 1: that go on for the person that is a people pleaser,
20:10
Speaker 1: like you never make real connections. You think that you're
20:13
Speaker 1: avoiding rejection, when in reality, you're probably welcoming more rejection
20:17
Speaker 1: when you're a people pleaser, because you're basically saying I'll
20:20
Speaker 1: do whatever for you. You're pretty much you're showing that
20:24
Speaker 1: person where the power dynamic is. They have the power
20:26
Speaker 1: and you have none. And good people won't abuse that.
20:30
Speaker 1: But there are many people that will abuse that, and
20:32
Speaker 1: you don't want to put yourself in that position. Okay,
20:34
Speaker 1: over achievement. You use success as a shield for criticism,
20:38
Speaker 1: but only in the things that you know you're not
20:40
Speaker 1: going to fail at. So it's a bit of a
20:42
Speaker 1: contradiction there. But you'll overachieve in what you know you're
20:46
Speaker 1: good at and you work your ass off for it,
20:49
Speaker 1: you really try. You think, okay, this, if I'm the
20:52
Speaker 1: best at this and I stay in my lane, then
20:55
Speaker 1: there's less chance of me being criticized, even if I
20:57
Speaker 1: hate it. Like I gave you the example of the
20:59
Speaker 1: job thing, if I was to then go into a
21:01
Speaker 1: new career, that would mean I'm a novice, I'm the
21:03
Speaker 1: I'm the newest person there. All these things where it's
21:06
Speaker 1: very vulnerable. You don't want to do it avoidance, so
21:09
Speaker 1: you don't try things. You don't ask, you don't put
21:12
Speaker 1: yourself out there. You don't even ask for directions, You
21:16
Speaker 1: don't even like. You really struggle to ask for pretty
21:19
Speaker 1: much anything, okay, because you think, Oh no, I don't
21:21
Speaker 1: want to bother them, I don't want to put them
21:23
Speaker 1: out I don't want to be deep down, it's I
21:25
Speaker 1: don't want to be rejected. I don't want this person
21:28
Speaker 1: to be either rude to me or oh sigh, because
21:31
Speaker 1: I've like I've put too much work on them, I've
21:33
Speaker 1: been a burden. You think of yourself as a burden
21:36
Speaker 1: just by asking a simple question, whereas anyone else would
21:39
Speaker 1: have no problem doing that. You think, why is it
21:41
Speaker 1: so difficult for me to just speak to this person
21:44
Speaker 1: and ask them for a little bit of help? You
21:47
Speaker 1: feel like a burden? Okay, And that's part of avoidance,
21:50
Speaker 1: emotional withdrawal. You're always pulling away first, so so rejection
21:56
Speaker 1: can't have happen, and ruminating, so you really we play
22:00
Speaker 1: interactions obsessively, trying to find the mistake. Where did I
22:05
Speaker 1: go wrong? What did I say? When did they change?
22:09
Speaker 1: When did their body language change when I said this?
22:11
Speaker 1: Did I compliment them? But I actually insulted them when
22:14
Speaker 1: I was trying to compliment them, did I So you're
22:16
Speaker 1: going ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, ruminating, trying to find where you
22:21
Speaker 1: went wrong. Notice that I'm talking about where you went wrong.
22:24
Speaker 1: If something kind of didn't go well, if an interaction
22:27
Speaker 1: didn't go well. You never think that person has no
22:31
Speaker 1: social skills and they were a bit of an asshole.
22:32
Speaker 1: You think it's all me. I've done something wrong. I
22:34
Speaker 1: caused this. I caused this problem. I caused this person
22:37
Speaker 1: to turn away instead of thinking, you know, some people
22:39
Speaker 1: just don't have social skills and that person like, we
22:42
Speaker 1: just didn't mesh. It is what it is, and you
22:44
Speaker 1: let it go. No, you'd be the opposite. So all
22:48
Speaker 1: these things that I just mentioned, the people pleasing, the overachievement,
22:50
Speaker 1: the avoidance, emotional emotional withdrawal, and the ruminating, they none
22:55
Speaker 1: of them reduce RSD. They exacerbate RSD. They reduce your
23:01
Speaker 1: ability to live your life calmly and in a happy
23:05
Speaker 1: way and to the fullest. Okay, now let's talk about
23:10
Speaker 1: like very basic things. If normal reaction versus RSD reaction Okay.
23:17
Speaker 1: When you experience like basic rejection, a normal response will
23:22
Speaker 1: be like I feel uncomfortable. An RSD response will be like,
23:26
Speaker 1: this is unbearable. It's that physical pain that we spoke
23:28
Speaker 1: about at the beginning of the episode is actually unbearable. Okay,
23:32
Speaker 1: when a normal reaction would would be it will pass
23:37
Speaker 1: once you reassure yourself, Oh, that person was really cold
23:40
Speaker 1: to me today, but you know what, I feel like
23:43
Speaker 1: they're you know, they've got a lot on their mind,
23:45
Speaker 1: or they really looked like they weren't paying attention to
23:47
Speaker 1: the conversation. You kind of reassure yourself, I know I
23:49
Speaker 1: didn't say anything wrong. They just probably had an off day.
23:54
Speaker 1: It's fine, right, Whereas someone with RSD will you would
23:58
Speaker 1: linger for a really long time. This is where they're spiraling,
24:00
Speaker 1: they're overthinking, they're taking all the blame. Someone who's normal
24:05
Speaker 1: will have a really proportional reaction to rejection. So even
24:08
Speaker 1: if you are rejected and it is a legitimate rejection,
24:11
Speaker 1: you're proportionate about it. You can be upset, you can
24:14
Speaker 1: be sad, you can understand that you're you're hurt by it.
24:18
Speaker 1: But someone with rejection sensitivity dysphoria, it will be disproportionate.
24:22
Speaker 1: They will like it will be catastrophic, their world is
24:26
Speaker 1: coming to an end. They withdrawal from absolutely everyone that
24:29
Speaker 1: it's just like everything I said, times ten, it's really
24:31
Speaker 1: really intense, and they really struggle to talk themselves down
24:35
Speaker 1: off that ledge. So basically, someone with a normal reaction
24:38
Speaker 1: to rejection can still experience rejection. You still have the
24:42
Speaker 1: pain of it, You still go through the motions. You
24:44
Speaker 1: still you know, can feel the embarrassment, you can feel
24:47
Speaker 1: all the things. But you are able to reason, You
24:50
Speaker 1: are able to reassure yourself. You are able to feel
24:54
Speaker 1: the discomfort and then move through it. Whereas someone with RSD,
24:58
Speaker 1: everything will override logic. You could have logic right in
25:01
Speaker 1: front of you and you're like no, no, no, but
25:02
Speaker 1: no but this, but no, but no, You find you
25:04
Speaker 1: find it really really difficult to reason right now. Like
25:07
Speaker 1: I said, it is closely linked to ADHD, but that
25:11
Speaker 1: is also because ADHD is very often linked to emotional dysregulation,
25:17
Speaker 1: where emotional responses are amplified, so it is harder to regulate,
25:21
Speaker 1: not in every case, because ADHD is quite a broad
25:24
Speaker 1: spectrum of different symptoms and different people experience it in
25:28
Speaker 1: different ways. Also the gender, Your gender and your age
25:32
Speaker 1: will determine how you experience ADHD as well. So there's
25:35
Speaker 1: a lot of factors. So someone listening right now who
25:37
Speaker 1: has ADHD might be like, I don't, I don't feel
25:39
Speaker 1: that at all, which is probably very true because, like
25:42
Speaker 1: I said, you may or may not experience It's not
25:46
Speaker 1: saying that if you have ADHD you will experience this,
25:48
Speaker 1: but it's saying that RSD is. It seems to be
25:52
Speaker 1: more commonly experienced with individuals with ADHD, and that comes
25:56
Speaker 1: down to this emotional responses being amplified and harder to regulate.
26:02
Speaker 1: For the most part. It also seems to be linked
26:06
Speaker 1: to differences in brain structures within emotional regulation. Like I said,
26:10
Speaker 1: like that heightened threat detection response. And it also makes
26:16
Speaker 1: navigating relationships really difficult because it's very hard for you
26:19
Speaker 1: to openly communicate because you are a people pleaser, because
26:23
Speaker 1: you're avoiding feeling this rejection and that intense pain, physical
26:27
Speaker 1: and emotional. You then struggle to speak your needs and
26:31
Speaker 1: ask what it is that you need and what would
26:33
Speaker 1: make you happy and what you want your partner to
26:35
Speaker 1: improve on, because all of these things could open you
26:37
Speaker 1: up to be hurt or attacked or you know whatever. Now,
26:40
Speaker 1: let's talk about ways to treat RSD, like things that
26:46
Speaker 1: actually help treat RST. Now, if it is alongside ADHD,
26:52
Speaker 1: stimulant medications like riddlent and adderall do often help, okay,
26:57
Speaker 1: because this makes the brain areas in charge of regulating
27:00
Speaker 1: communication between regions work more effectively. That is how these
27:04
Speaker 1: stimulant medications work, okay, and that's why they can be
27:08
Speaker 1: quite effective for people with ADHD. But there are other
27:12
Speaker 1: non medical approaches that exist, and for people that don't
27:14
Speaker 1: have ADHD, where riddlin and adderall might not actually be
27:17
Speaker 1: appropriate at all to use. But there are other non
27:32
Speaker 1: medication approaches that exist. Because if you don't have ADHD,
27:37
Speaker 1: riddlin and adderall might not be appropriate for you to use. Now,
27:40
Speaker 1: mind you, this is something that you would have to
27:41
Speaker 1: speak to with a psychiatrist or a psychologist and work
27:44
Speaker 1: through it. But a psychiatrists if you're talking about prescribing medications,
27:48
Speaker 1: but it we are talking about, you know the severity
27:53
Speaker 1: of it. Now, I'm not here to give a diagnosis
27:55
Speaker 1: and I'm not here to give you know, exact you know,
27:57
Speaker 1: I'm just giving broad advice here so if you think
28:00
Speaker 1: that you have it, there are medical medications that may
28:06
Speaker 1: be appropriate. But if you think you have it, then
28:08
Speaker 1: this is just a trigger for you to go and
28:09
Speaker 1: speak to a professional and explore it a little bit further. Okay,
28:14
Speaker 1: Now there are non medication approaches that exist. The aim
28:19
Speaker 1: is to feel like you can gain control of your
28:21
Speaker 1: emotions again, so you can feel in control of your life.
28:24
Speaker 1: It's not about I have to fix this, I have
28:26
Speaker 1: to cure this. Okay. Now, what these medications that I
28:29
Speaker 1: spoke to improve emotional regulation? Okay, but it's not the
28:32
Speaker 1: only path and it's not like it's going to cure
28:34
Speaker 1: it altogether. For some people. Psychotherapy is one of them.
28:40
Speaker 1: But then we've also got a whole bunch of things
28:43
Speaker 1: like cognitive behavioral therapy. Okay. So one of the things
28:46
Speaker 1: is nervous system regulation. So this is where we're working
28:50
Speaker 1: on our sleep, our movement, how much we move our
28:53
Speaker 1: body and what kind of movement, predictability throughout our day,
28:57
Speaker 1: and ways to calm ourselves down. So there's behaviors you
29:02
Speaker 1: can do with nervous system regulation. There's reducing social ambiguity.
29:07
Speaker 1: This is learning and you can do this in therapy
29:10
Speaker 1: but where they give you clear communication tools that make
29:14
Speaker 1: you feel supported and comfortable, where you are able to
29:18
Speaker 1: communicate with the other individual without feeling like you're going
29:21
Speaker 1: to be rejected, but where you get a clearer response
29:23
Speaker 1: from this person without walking away thinking, oh my god,
29:26
Speaker 1: there's this ambiguity I don't know. So you get a
29:30
Speaker 1: better way of reading people and communicating with people. Another
29:33
Speaker 1: one is building a better internal validation. So external approval
29:37
Speaker 1: isn't always needed or isn't or approval in general isn't
29:41
Speaker 1: always outsourced. You want to be able to provide it
29:43
Speaker 1: for yourself and then you can get some from external sources.
29:47
Speaker 1: But it can't it shouldn't be always from the external.
29:51
Speaker 1: Behavioral exposure to rejection, intolerable doses. This is a huge one.
29:57
Speaker 1: So I need to find it because I found this
30:00
Speaker 1: guy on Instagram or maybe TikTok. I think it was
30:03
Speaker 1: Instagram was one of the best pages I've ever come across,
30:06
Speaker 1: and I think I did share it on the podcast page.
30:08
Speaker 1: But anyway, if I can find it, I will share
30:10
Speaker 1: it on my stories again on my socials if you
30:12
Speaker 1: don't already follow it at dyfe and pod No, it's
30:16
Speaker 1: not that's my website. The actual socials is do you
30:18
Speaker 1: fucking mind? But f c k J, there's no U.
30:23
Speaker 1: Do you fucking mind? And I'll share it on there.
30:25
Speaker 1: But anyway, basically it's this guy that's his aim is
30:28
Speaker 1: to get rejected one hundred days in a row. So
30:31
Speaker 1: it's like day one of trying to get rejected, Day two,
30:33
Speaker 1: d D. And he does like one hundred days and
30:36
Speaker 1: in the one hundred days he only got actually rejected
30:39
Speaker 1: I think it was three times. And he goes to
30:41
Speaker 1: people saying, oh, you know, like he was at a
30:44
Speaker 1: lobby in a hotel and these people were playing chess,
30:46
Speaker 1: and he goes up and he goes, hey, do you
30:47
Speaker 1: mind if you know, not even playing chess, but they're
30:51
Speaker 1: playing a game, and he joined. He asked if they
30:52
Speaker 1: could join, or he grabs a game and he got
30:55
Speaker 1: approaches strange. He goes, do you guys want to play
30:56
Speaker 1: this game with me? Because I'm you know, I'm board.
30:58
Speaker 1: I'm just sitting here for the next couple. Yeah. Sure.
31:00
Speaker 1: He goes up to someone who's fishing, he goes, hey,
31:03
Speaker 1: you wouldn't mind teaching me how to fish? Yeah, sure,
31:04
Speaker 1: I'll teach you how to fish. But the aim is
31:06
Speaker 1: that he's asking people these things so they reject him.
31:09
Speaker 1: So he learns that he's not going to die if
31:10
Speaker 1: he gets rejected by a stranger because he's got he
31:13
Speaker 1: had like crazy rejection sensitivity dysphoria, and this was kind
31:16
Speaker 1: of his exposure therapy that he was like, I'm going
31:19
Speaker 1: to do this, so I really exposed myself to rejection
31:21
Speaker 1: that I'm prepping myself for and then I realize I'm
31:23
Speaker 1: actually okay. But the funny thing is what he came
31:26
Speaker 1: to realize is that the times he did get rejected,
31:29
Speaker 1: he was fine. But he also realized that his interpretation
31:35
Speaker 1: of being rejected was blown out of proportion because in general,
31:39
Speaker 1: you expect to be rejected so much more than what
31:42
Speaker 1: the reality is. People in general are good. People in
31:46
Speaker 1: general want to form community, and so they are way
31:50
Speaker 1: more likely to accept your bid for connection than to
31:54
Speaker 1: reject it. In general, So he was like, not only
31:57
Speaker 1: did I learn about being rejected, but I learned a
32:00
Speaker 1: lot about the kindness of people in general when you
32:03
Speaker 1: put yourself out there. So it's like a too pronged
32:06
Speaker 1: approach to feeling better about yourself when you put yourself
32:10
Speaker 1: out there, and you know how kind most people are
32:12
Speaker 1: going to be. And then cognitive work. But this cognitive
32:16
Speaker 1: work really works after emotional regulation. Now here's a couple
32:20
Speaker 1: of things that I would recommend that you do. And
32:22
Speaker 1: then apart from that, of course I would you know,
32:26
Speaker 1: I think you should go to a clinician or a
32:28
Speaker 1: therapist and really like get a well rounded kind of
32:31
Speaker 1: therapeutic approach to how you're going to tackle it. But
32:34
Speaker 1: this is just here to give you a bit of
32:36
Speaker 1: an insight. If like, is this me and is it not?
32:38
Speaker 1: If you're like, oh my god, this whole episode sung
32:40
Speaker 1: to me, then definitely go and work through it with
32:42
Speaker 1: a psychologist, a therapist, a psychiatrist, all of the above.
32:48
Speaker 1: Speak to your GP and see who they can refer
32:49
Speaker 1: you to. But this is just to kind of like
32:51
Speaker 1: get the ball rolling for you. But here's a bunch
32:53
Speaker 1: of things that you can also do. So number one
32:56
Speaker 1: is the pause. So I think when you pause before
33:01
Speaker 1: you react to something, it gives you a moment to
33:06
Speaker 1: get your prefrontal cortex talking to your amigate life. So
33:09
Speaker 1: say you're about to reply to someone, Say someone sent
33:12
Speaker 1: you a message and you take it as a rejection,
33:14
Speaker 1: so you're gonna reply being like, oh good, it's really cold.
33:17
Speaker 1: You always have to pause, give yourself like a ten
33:19
Speaker 1: second pause, and just breathe some nice deep breaths and
33:22
Speaker 1: change your physical state. I've spoken about the intentional size.
33:24
Speaker 1: I reminded you of it in the miniseries just in
33:27
Speaker 1: the last two weeks. But this change of state really
33:31
Speaker 1: really actually helps change what's going on in the brain
33:33
Speaker 1: because you're going from a different state. You're going from
33:35
Speaker 1: a high tenned fight or flight state to a relaxed,
33:38
Speaker 1: you know, engaged, calm state. So when you bring your
33:43
Speaker 1: shoulders back, open up your chest, take a big breath in,
33:46
Speaker 1: big breath out, do a couple of those, and just pause. Pause,
33:49
Speaker 1: I'm not taking action on anything right now. You will
33:51
Speaker 1: realize that even if just a tiny percent for some people,
33:54
Speaker 1: the results will be massive for other people to be like, okay,
33:57
Speaker 1: it just took the edge off. But because you change
34:00
Speaker 1: your physical state, or just sending signals to your brain
34:03
Speaker 1: being like I'm not under threat, if your physical state
34:06
Speaker 1: is like I'm under threat, I'm protecting my chest, I'm
34:08
Speaker 1: hunched over. My breathing is quick and shallow. I need
34:11
Speaker 1: to be able to react quickly, quickly, adrenaline. Adrenaline pumping
34:13
Speaker 1: through my body. Your physicality is telling your brain, YEP,
34:17
Speaker 1: I am under threat. My body is agreeing with the brain.
34:20
Speaker 1: My brain is agreeing with the body, and it's this
34:22
Speaker 1: feed forward loop. If I change my state, my brain
34:25
Speaker 1: might think, wait a minute, it's a bit of a
34:26
Speaker 1: circle break. My brain might think, wait a minute, maybe
34:28
Speaker 1: I'm not under threat. If I'm able to open my chest,
34:30
Speaker 1: lean back, open up, relax, take a few deep, long breadths,
34:34
Speaker 1: I mustn't be under threat. Your brain starts to calm down.
34:37
Speaker 1: So that's the pause, okay, and the intentional sigh. A
34:40
Speaker 1: couple of big size number two. Name itentertame it out loud, ideally,
34:45
Speaker 1: unless maybe not in front of someone in a social situation,
34:49
Speaker 1: you're saying, you know rejection, I feel rejection. Obviously, don't
34:52
Speaker 1: do that, but in your mind, or if you're at
34:54
Speaker 1: home reading a message, you can say, this is what
34:56
Speaker 1: I'm feeling. I'm feeling this feeling. I'm feeling rejected. Why
35:01
Speaker 1: because I read into this thing, because this has occurred,
35:04
Speaker 1: like it's always feels good to name it, because if
35:07
Speaker 1: it goes unchecked, then you have this brewing underlying anxiety
35:11
Speaker 1: and it can go for an hour, for two hours,
35:12
Speaker 1: and then it gets to the point where you're like,
35:14
Speaker 1: I don't even know where the exact trigger was, but
35:16
Speaker 1: I know I'm feeling like absolute shit right now. Okay.
35:20
Speaker 1: Emotional regulation exercises in the moment, So the intentional side
35:25
Speaker 1: the change of the physical state. Another one, if you
35:28
Speaker 1: can if you're in an environment where it allows you
35:30
Speaker 1: to do so, so if you're at home, is to
35:32
Speaker 1: do things to get rid of that nervous energy. A
35:33
Speaker 1: couple of squat jumps up and down, up and down,
35:35
Speaker 1: you know, because nervous like feeling nervous and feeling excited
35:41
Speaker 1: have very big crossovers with you know, how you experience
35:45
Speaker 1: it physically, so to you almost want to trick your
35:49
Speaker 1: brain into being like I need to burn up this
35:51
Speaker 1: energy as like excitement energy, or as like workout energy,
35:54
Speaker 1: or as something else, so that way I'm not always
35:56
Speaker 1: interpreting this feeling as nervousness or nerves okay, and then
36:01
Speaker 1: reframing exercises. These are really good. So I want you
36:04
Speaker 1: to write down what you perceived. Ask yourself, is this
36:07
Speaker 1: real or is it perceived? Kind of all the examples
36:09
Speaker 1: that I gave at the start, of the episode and
36:10
Speaker 1: how I said at the end, this is all a perception,
36:12
Speaker 1: it's not reality. Do that for yourself. Is this real
36:15
Speaker 1: or is it perceived? And then ask yourself is there
36:18
Speaker 1: evidence for the contrary? This is a really good one,
36:21
Speaker 1: So write down. I was at a party today and
36:24
Speaker 1: I was talking to someone and mid conversation, they turned
36:27
Speaker 1: their head and they started talking to someone else. So
36:29
Speaker 1: they think I'm an idiot, they think I'm a loser.
36:31
Speaker 1: They think this, they think that I feel shame, I
36:32
Speaker 1: feel I'm so rejected or whatever. So you say, or
36:35
Speaker 1: is it perceived? So you could say, could it be
36:38
Speaker 1: that that person's just rude? Yes, it could be, okay,
36:44
Speaker 1: and unfortunately there's a lot of rude people in this
36:46
Speaker 1: world and it's our job to learn to deal with it. Okay,
36:49
Speaker 1: Could it be that maybe the reason this person turned
36:52
Speaker 1: their head is because they saw someone that they haven't
36:54
Speaker 1: seen in ages. Could it be that this person probably
36:57
Speaker 1: just wasn't really interested in what we had to say.
37:01
Speaker 1: Could it be that? And you start coming up with
37:04
Speaker 1: all this evidence for the contrary, it's like, maybe it's
37:08
Speaker 1: not that they hate you and they think you're an
37:10
Speaker 1: idiot or a dicat. It could be that they're on
37:12
Speaker 1: another planet and they've got their own shit going on,
37:14
Speaker 1: and they just not only do they do that to you,
37:17
Speaker 1: but they probably do that to everyone. Someone who's going
37:20
Speaker 1: to mid conversation just without saying excuse me for one moment,
37:23
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry and turn and say hi to someone
37:25
Speaker 1: and then return to the conversation. Someone who does that
37:28
Speaker 1: to you probably does it to everyone else. So while yes,
37:31
Speaker 1: you're being rejected, there's not that much weight on it
37:33
Speaker 1: because you're being rejected by a rude person with no
37:36
Speaker 1: social skills, So I wouldn't really be that offended. I
37:39
Speaker 1: would be like, well, you're you're fucking dud. It's okay.
37:44
Speaker 1: So that exercise is really really empowering because you start
37:48
Speaker 1: to say, okay, this is the actual event, but then
37:52
Speaker 1: what did I interpret it as and how much evidence
37:55
Speaker 1: is there for my interpretation and how much evidence is
37:58
Speaker 1: there for the contrary. You do that, the more those
38:02
Speaker 1: the evidence for the contrary crops up in your mind
38:04
Speaker 1: faster and faster and faster and faster. So that's what
38:07
Speaker 1: someone who gets rejected but is able to move through
38:10
Speaker 1: it does versus someone with RSD, someone who gets rejected.
38:14
Speaker 1: They're able to be like, ooh that hurt. That was rude.
38:16
Speaker 1: That was fucking rude. But then they think, yeah, well
38:19
Speaker 1: this and this and this and this person does I
38:21
Speaker 1: see them do it to other people all the time,
38:22
Speaker 1: and whatever, I'm over it next, okay. So they're able
38:25
Speaker 1: to they process, process, process with really productive thoughts, and
38:29
Speaker 1: then they're able to move through it. So that's what
38:31
Speaker 1: I want the aim to be for you. If you
38:34
Speaker 1: experience RSD or if you know anyone that experiences this
38:37
Speaker 1: and you think this episode could be of value to them,
38:39
Speaker 1: definitely send it to them. But the aim is not
38:42
Speaker 1: I never need to feel rejection again, because everybody feels rejection.
38:46
Speaker 1: Your aim is to have the tools to process it
38:49
Speaker 1: so you are able to experience rejection and move through
38:52
Speaker 1: it and don't think, oh my god, these people never
38:55
Speaker 1: experience it. They never get that pang. People still get
38:57
Speaker 1: that pang of like they have this ability to be
39:02
Speaker 1: like evidence for evidence against breathe move through it, okay,
39:06
Speaker 1: shake it off, moving on, okay. So again, with most
39:11
Speaker 1: of our emotions, the aim is not to avoid them,
39:14
Speaker 1: like do not avoid. The aim is how do I
39:17
Speaker 1: deal with it in the most productive way when it
39:19
Speaker 1: crops up, and that way you can have a very full,
39:22
Speaker 1: very colorful life where you do still experience all the emotions,
39:26
Speaker 1: but you're able to experience them in a very regulated way. Okay,
39:29
Speaker 1: that is what we're talking about, not just on this episode,
39:32
Speaker 1: but on fucking most of my episodes on this podcast. Guys.
39:35
Speaker 1: That is all for today's episode. If you haven't already,
39:39
Speaker 1: definitely go and purchase a ticket for the Sydney Live show.
39:43
Speaker 1: It's next week. I'm so excited. I can't wait to
39:45
Speaker 1: meet you guys. If you've bought the VIP ticket, it
39:48
Speaker 1: gives you meet and greet at the start of the show.
39:51
Speaker 1: So we do a little meet and greet, a chat,
39:53
Speaker 1: and then after the show, we have about an hour
39:56
Speaker 1: or so at the venue in a separate room just
40:00
Speaker 1: for me to hang out with you guys ming We'll
40:02
Speaker 1: have some drinks, you guys can meet each other and
40:03
Speaker 1: what you know, make some friends whatever. But we've got
40:06
Speaker 1: like about an hour ish of drinks and mingling after.
40:11
Speaker 1: So that's on the VIP ticket. So I'm so excited
40:14
Speaker 1: to see you guys. But then we've got a bunch
40:16
Speaker 1: of other tickets still available as well. But we don't
40:18
Speaker 1: have that many AP tickets left. I don't think yes,
40:21
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Anyway, that is all for today. As always,
40:25
Speaker 1: remember oh it's on the fourth of feb by the way,
40:26
Speaker 1: by the way, and and sorry because this week we
40:29
Speaker 1: are going to be calling out the invitees to our brunch.
40:32
Speaker 1: If you bought a ticket, doesn't just have to be
40:34
Speaker 1: a VIP ticket, any ticket to the live show. Send
40:37
Speaker 1: us a screenshot off the ticket that you purchased or
40:40
Speaker 1: the email whatever. Email it to info at dyfem pod
40:44
Speaker 1: and then you'll go in the running to come to
40:45
Speaker 1: the brunch the day before on the Tuesday morning at
40:48
Speaker 1: the Rocks in Sydney. This is a free brunch. You
40:50
Speaker 1: don't pay for it. But we're we're just like kind
40:53
Speaker 1: of running a bit of a raffle on who can
40:55
Speaker 1: come to the brunch because I want it to be
40:57
Speaker 1: for people who are coming to the live show. That
40:59
Speaker 1: way we get it, like you know, some people might
41:01
Speaker 1: be coming alone, and also give a reason, because it's
41:04
Speaker 1: not like a blind raffle. Like if you've got a
41:05
Speaker 1: really cool reason, then we really want you to come
41:07
Speaker 1: to the brunch. Let's say you're saying I'm coming alone,
41:10
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone. Then we'd love you to come
41:12
Speaker 1: to the brunch and then you can meet some people
41:14
Speaker 1: and then you see them again at the live show
41:15
Speaker 1: the following day, that kind of stuff. So that would
41:17
Speaker 1: be really really cool. Send us the screenshots so we
41:20
Speaker 1: can get the invites out for the brunch as well.
41:23
Speaker 1: It's going to be just like casual, really nice. There'd
41:26
Speaker 1: be a meditation, really short, workout very easy, so don't
41:28
Speaker 1: break out, and then just like mingling, chatting, but very
41:32
Speaker 1: It's going to be very cute, very lovely. I can't wait.
41:35
Speaker 1: That is all anyway, said everything I need to say,
41:37
Speaker 1: Love you guys so much. As always, please remember be
41:39
Speaker 1: kind to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't take
41:42
Speaker 1: shit from anyone, and especially don't take shit from yourself.
41:45
Speaker 1: Dun't