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Can I Make a Three-Course, All Purple, Menu?!? · Blush

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My niece's favorite color is purple and my niece is my
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favorite person, so in her honor we're going to do a three course
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all purple menu. I'm testing out a bunch of new
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recipes. I've actually never made
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anything that I'm making today before, so we'll find out
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together in real time if it's going to be good or not.
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Let's get into it. The very first thing we're going
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to make. And I've been dreaming,
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fantasizing, like I haven't been able to stop thinking about this
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for so long. Now I want to try to make a UBE
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pudding type situation. Pudding, mousse, whatever.
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Now ube is purple yam, I believe.
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I believe ube is ube purple yam or purple sweet potato.
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Honestly, it doesn't really matter, but we're going to do it
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high protein, we're going to do it sugar free.
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We're going to do it the very, you know, blush coated kind of
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way. So I'm just going to do 2
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tablespoons of the soy milk. And honestly, my intention with
1:08
doing this is really to just help it blend better.
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So that's why it's going right in the bottom.
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And then I have One Cup of soaked cashews.
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Let's do actually hold on, let me add the tofu first.
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So I have one package of this, the Mori new silken tofu.
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This is my favorite tofu to use when I blended in recipes.
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I just think it works really well and I like that it's shelf
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stable. So I just order them by the
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case. I'm going to link it.
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I literally got it on Amazon. I order them by the case and I
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just have them in my cupboard like they last a while.
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Although I now see this is going to expire in October, which is
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fine, but they do last a while. OK.
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Just leaking everywhere. Yeah.
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Wait. By the way, I thought it would
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be cute to wear purple for this episode, but I don't own any
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purple, so I wore blue cause blue's kind of close to purple.
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God, I don't know why this one's so sticky.
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So we're going to do 3/4 cup of pitted medjool dates, but just a
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little cautionary tale. Sam, you OK, sweetie?
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Yeah, she's got. She just needed water.
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Just a little cautionary tale. When we're doing my recipes and
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I call for dates in volume, you really want to like it has to be
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3/4 cup with it pressed all the way down, if that makes sense.
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Cute girl. Can you book up for Mama?
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Do you want to come say hi? Do you want to come say hi to
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the audience? OK, Hook.
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Sam says hi. Sam says hi.
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You know, it's funny. Last night I went to carry her
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to bed and she peed all over me in the floor on the way there.
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It would have been funny if that happened just now.
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OK, I'm going to put her down. I think about this constantly.
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But imagine if we had been raised the way Sam's been raised
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in terms of like, the constant praise that she gets.
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I feel like we'd be so confident.
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OK, I've never like really made recipes with this.
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So let's start with two tablespoons and see what the
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vibes going to be and then potentially add from there.
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I don't know, Like I said, I've never done this before, so I'm
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just kind of guessing. All right, I'm going to blend
3:44
this and I'll see you on the other side of that.
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OK, quick update. I cannot seem to get this thing
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to blend, so I'm gonna add two more tablespoons of this milk.
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But the key is to try to get it, like, really where the blades
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are. OK, that actually worked quite
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nicely. Let's do a second one.
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Perfect. Oh, God.
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OK, All right, let's try it now. What do you think, Sam?
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We're going to try it now. Sam just had an accident.
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I need to call the vet. She has a UTI, but basically the
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vet was like, we're just like, not going to treat it because
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it's going to make the like the bacteria more resistant and like
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if she's not super symptomatic, blah, blah.
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But if she starts having a lot of accidents, then give us a
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call. So I do need to do that.
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Come on. OK, it literally feels like I
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started blending this like 45 hours ago.
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You have no idea what I've been through to get this to blend.
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And I can tell you right now what my mistake was.
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I should have put the silken tofu right above the soy milk,
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below the cashews and the dates. So do not make that mistake.
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Anyway, that is really yummy. I want to add a bit more of
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this. I'm going to do like one more
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tablespoon of this and then I want to add some that is really
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yummy, some vanilla extract. And I'm actually going to go
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pretty hard on this. I'm going to do cutie patootie.
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You also missed a whole accident and blanket change during all
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this ruckus. I'm going to do a full
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tablespoon of vanilla extract because it's my life and I can
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do what I want and I like vanilla, so we'll see what
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happens. OK, Honestly, like this should
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blend more. Like, it's not as blended as it
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should be, but it's just been such an annoying process, and we
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don't have all day. So I'm just going to call it,
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get it in the fridge, get it to cool down.
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And it can just be a little chunky.
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That's fine. That's gonna have to be fine.
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No, I think it's, like, still yummy.
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Yeah, that's really. I mean, wow.
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And it's only gonna get better as it cools down.
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Wait, that's actually really yummy.
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Hold on, Hold on, hold on. This fucking Vitamix spatula
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thing is one of the best purchases I've ever made.
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Especially with my new Vitamix. I feel like the blades don't
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rotate as easily, which might be a really good thing for blending
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purposes, but it does kind of get harder to get things out
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from underneath the blades. I feel like the spatula does a
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lot. Also, this whole episode is like
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really kind of giving Barney's, not Barney's, sorry, Barney
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Singular, like the big purple dinosaur.
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Did you watch that when you were a kid?
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I really liked Barney as a child.
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I would say it was a pretty rough day when I found out that,
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wait, if we're not familiar and if we're not from America or
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whatever, which I am not, but we must have had Barney in Germany
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because I'm familiar with Barney.
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It was, wow, this is really good.
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No, I'll be like here all day. Barney was this kids show where
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there was a big purple dinosaur and there was a guy inside a
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dinosaur suit. You know, it wasn't a real
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dinosaur. This may come as a huge shock to
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you. And there were a bunch of kids
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around, I guess 'cause it was a kids show.
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I don't know if it was meant to be like a classroom.
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I actually really don't know the context.
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Like why were all these kids hanging out with this dinosaur?
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Like what? You know, I feel like our
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standards in TV have raised quite a bit.
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Like, those were fine questions to have like that.
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Like, that just wouldn't fly nowadays.
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Like, you would need contacts, you know?
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Oh, God, Oh my God. Wait, I'm going to put this in
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the fridge so it can cool down because it's hot right now.
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It's meant to be served cold. And I'm going to get the blender
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cleaned up. By that, I mean, I'm going to
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put my face inside it and lick it.
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And then we're going to do the rest of this episode.
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Oh yeah. I feel like I'm shooting a porn
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and I can't even stop. It's so good.
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Like, I don't even care to stop. Whatever.
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Whatever. Enjoy.
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OK, well that's in the fridge. We're gonna do a little purple
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cauliflower puree situation. So I steamed some purple
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cauliflower, but I'm actually gonna start with this stuff
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'cause I feel like I was burned last time.
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So I don't entirely know what we're gonna do here.
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Let's start with maybe like 1/2 cup of this milk.
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I really hope this ends up good. And then let's do like 4
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tablespoons of this white miso. By the way, I did call Sam's vet
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and I have my phone on a setting where only Sam's vet can get
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through. So if she calls back, I might
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just have to take that call real quick.
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So you can tell them poor Princess is having accidents.
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Let's do like maybe 2 tablespoons of nutritional yeast
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cause like why not? And then I want to do some
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garlic and onion powder, so I'll do like a teaspoon of each of
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those. And then this is 1 head of
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purple cauliflower that I steamed.
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I just took off a few florets and I saved those for Decor on
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top. All right, let's just blend this
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and see how it is, and then we can adjust and hopefully this
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won't be a fucking shit show to blend.
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I did add a little bit of the ube powder to this because I
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just thought it wasn't quite as purple as I would have liked,
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but like, it was really just an aesthetic choice to be very,
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very clear. Yeah, that's really good.
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It's really, really, really good.
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I think in serving I'm going to serve it with like a little bit
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of lemon just to brighten it up a little bit, if that makes
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sense. But it's really fucking good.
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Oh, in theory. I was going to try to not swear
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on this episode, but I think we all remember what happened last
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time I tried to not swear. So you know, so after this we're
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going to be done with the blender, but I am going to use
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the food processor and I actually got the remember when
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my old blender got maggots? How fun was that?
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But I got the Vitamix food processor blender situation.
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So the base is the same. I just have like a food
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processor top. So basically this is my very
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long winded and uninteresting way of saying I'm going to clean
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out this blender cup. But this base is going to stay.
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We're going to do a little bit of food processing and then
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we're going to tell the machinery to go fuck itself and
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we're going to plate some food and we're going to eat.
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So I'm really pumped for that. I've actually been having a
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really hard day. I'm trying to like be in a good
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mood and not be sad, but it's been a really rough 24 hours in
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our household. There was an incident with Sam
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yesterday that was really, really tough.
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And I just like felt really helpless and alone.
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And that is so good. I love cauliflower so much.
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I was originally going to do a purple sweet potato puree for
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this, and I think that could be, like, so delicious.
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But honestly, I want cauliflower.
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Yeah. I'm obsessed with that.
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Oh my God. I just, like, completely forgot
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what I was doing that I was filming.
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Like, I could have stayed here all day.
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No, I really need to clean this wonder and get back to it.
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So OK, we're going to set her aside and we're going to get to
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the food processing bits. I'm actually so excited for
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this. We also, I definitely have like
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purple shit in my lip gloss, but I just like it's like sticky and
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I can't count it out. So like I'm so sorry that
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there's a little purple in my lip, but it is what it is.
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So for the dessert of it all I wanted to do first I wanted to
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do like a vegan ube cheesecake type situation.
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But I don't know, I'm very picky about calling things cheesecake
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that like aren't cheesecake. Like it really has to give
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cheesecake for me to call it cheesecake.
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And I don't know that this will or does.
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So I just wasn't going to do that.
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But so I decided to just call it a pudding 'cause that's more
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forgiving, but I really wanted the feel of like a ginger snap
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kind of crust. And so I had this idea, we have
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some Wasa crackers that's like 1 1/2 bits.
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I was going to add a little bit of ginger powder and a little
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bit of black strap black strap molasses cause those are in
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ginger snaps I believe. No black strap molasses is in
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gingerbread cookies, whatever, who cares?
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Maybe it's in ginger snaps to who the fuck knows.
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So I'm just going to pulse it a little bit and then throw it in
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the oven to like toast and get crunchy and we're going to put
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it on top of our pudding. We'll see how it goes.
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Also, if this ends up being dog shit, I have more Wass of
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crackers so I'll just like brush it up and put it on top if that
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doesn't work. So we're doing a half teaspoon
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of ginger powder 'cause I don't really know what to do and I'll
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just do 1/2 teaspoon of the blackstrap molasses too and
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we'll see what happens. I'm a little nervous 'cause this
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is like wet and sticky. Oh, Oh, God.
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I've only used this food processor once.
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Was it on camera? I actually can't remember.
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OK, cool. That was kind of quick and easy.
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Yeah. I don't know.
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We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens.
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OK, This is fun. What the fuck?
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Ow. God.
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OK, I'm just going to use this bit of parchment paper.
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Oh my God. I mean, it looks good, right?
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Oh, it smells really good. I feel like none of the molasses
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like really mixed in though, but whatever.
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Like I I think it's fine if it's not not sweet at all.
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It's really not sweet at all. OK, I think it's fine.
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I'll just put it in the oven for a few and see what happens.
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Honestly, it doesn't even need to like really crisp up more
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than this, but whatever. While that does its thing, I can
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really taste the ginger now. I'm not even going to clean this
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because it's like not that deep. I want to do a protein for our
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main dish now. Satan has recently come across
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my desk and I'm kind of obsessed with it.
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So what we're going to do is I buy this Satan from the Asian
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grocer. It's like very plain.
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So I'm going to and it kind of looks like like a fish Willy.
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I'm just going to I love this shit.
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I don't know how they make it. It's so fucking good, and I'm
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going to take a bit of this. It's just like tofu and I'm
16:19
gonna add some gojucheng and we're just gonna pulse it
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together. My goal slash hope is that we
16:27
get little bits, like little chunks of this stuff, and I'm
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also gonna throw that in the oven to crisp up, which, OK,
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let's pretend they didn't do that 'cause it's really fucking
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bad for you. And we're just gonna like, kind
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of like sprinkle it on top of the puree is how I'm envisioning
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it. Now.
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I'm very new to say, tan and I. That's about a teaspoon, by the
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way. And oh shit, fuck, it's burnt.
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It's completely burnt. Let's see.
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OK, it's actually not the worst. Whoops whoops.
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I don't know how it's going to do in the oven.
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I tried one time to make like Satan bacon and it like really
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did not turn out how I thought it might.
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Sick. That's exactly what I was hoping
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it would look like. Do I need to press this down to
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release it? This is hardly a commercial for
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this. It's just hard to open and close
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for some reason. OK, I can't really access my
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parchment paper right now, so I'm just gonna pour this stuff
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into a little bowl, and then we're just gonna use this
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parchment paper. Wait, this smells so good.
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Oh. Oh, oh, do you eat that just
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like that? Wait, there's a piece that's not
18:14
very blended that I want to eat. Oh, hell yeah.
18:19
OK, I'm going to put this in the oven and then clean up all the
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blender stuff, and then we'll make the rest of our meal.
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I'm so excited. Hopefully I won't forget about
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that and let it burn just like the crispy stuff.
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Yeah. Hey, OK, now we can do the fun
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stuff. I'm actually so excited for this
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part. By the way, I took that Goju
18:40
Jiang situation out of the oven. I just wanted it to crisp up a
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little bit. So I said we're doing a three
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course situation. Course 1 is going to be a salad.
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Course 2 you already have some familiar familiarity with, it's
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the cauliflower mash situation. And then course 3 we've also
19:08
visited before it is our pudding situation.
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So this really looks like dog shit.
19:19
I love that mute by the way. I just blocked someone on
19:30
Instagram for like 1 of the first times ever.
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The only other accounts I have blocked are like true spam
19:39
accounts and then one time like one guy was really sleazy with
19:43
me a bunch of times in the DMS and so I blocked him.
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But I don't usually block people.
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Like usually if you say crazy shit to me it's like you don't
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exist I don't even see you. But I made an exception for this
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bitch 'cause I'm just in a bad mood.
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I usually really regret it. But whatever, fuck her.
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Wait, this purple radish is so fucking beautiful.
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Oh, I'm excited for the salad. It's just going to be like a
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different type of salad. You know?
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We have our radish, we have a bit of cabbage, and do you
20:24
remember how a few episodes ago, the Persian New Year's episode,
20:30
I made like a cashew cream situation for the eggplant dip?
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This is what's left of that. It's the same exact recipe.
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We're going to use it for our salad.
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I also grabbed some pomegranate seeds cause Yum.
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They are not purple, but they're in the purple family and I have
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some balsamic vinegar. Now.
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This actually is not the Trader Joe's balsamic vinegar, although
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I do think the Trader Joe's balsamic vinegar is quite good
21:00
for its price. But I had a different balsamic
21:04
vinegar from this random oil and vinegar shop in Arkansas, the
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town that Walmart is from. I don't know what it's called.
21:15
Yeah, I actually don't know what the town I I can't remember what
21:18
the town is called. Ozzie and I were there for a
21:20
wedding. We also went to the Walmart
21:23
Museum while we were there. That's a sight to take in.
21:26
Also, they have one of the best art galleries ever in this town.
21:30
It's actually like kind of an up and coming town, but that's
21:32
neither here nor there. So by the way, do we like how I
21:36
did my hair? I very recently learned how to
21:39
do flat iron curls. So that's fun.
21:41
Anyways, so I had the balsamic from that and I fucked up the
21:47
cork in the bottle, so I just poured it into this empty
21:50
bottle. So that's what's going on with
21:51
that. Anyway, let's plate this
21:53
situation. Wait, I kind of want, I want
21:55
cilantro also. OK, here's some fucking
22:00
cilantro. I nearly said parsley.
22:01
No, it's cilantro. All right, I think it's time for
22:04
us to get to plating or salad course.
22:08
Why did I do that dance? That was so weird.
22:11
All right, we're going to start with just a cashew cream smear.
22:18
And if you don't remember this recipe or you didn't watch that
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episode, I actually do recommend going back to that episode
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'cause it was really good. But I believe the recipe was a
22:28
cup of the soy milk that we do, 1/2 cup of soaked cashews and
22:33
five tablespoons of miso, white miso.
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I think that's what it was. So we're just doing some of this
22:41
purple cabbage. I know it's technically called
22:43
red cabbage, but it's also technically purple in color.
22:48
So I will be using that verbiage because I have eyes.
22:57
So I will not be gaslit by the vegetable naming community
23:04
trying to tell me that this shit is fucking red.
23:12
Just adding a little cilantro. Kind of instantly regretting
23:19
this decision 'cause I feel like it looks like shit, but what can
23:24
we do at this point? It's right there.
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I think I can pull it together. You know, the pomegranate seeds
23:35
work really well 'cause they look like jewels.
23:38
And my niece, in addition to loving purple, also loves
23:43
jewelry. So very on theme.
23:48
Let's drizzle on some balsamic. Yeah, maybe we'll throw on a bit
23:56
more radish. So I feel like their beauty's a
24:00
little disguised right now, and then I just want to sprinkle on
24:06
some dried miso. Yes, wait, I love that.
24:18
Oh hell yeah. I think it's time for us to
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taste. OK, now you might be watching
24:31
being like, bitch, did you just throw some radish on a plate and
24:36
call it a salad? Trust me, that fucking slap
24:43
sounds so good. Like that is so fucking good.
24:46
OK, let's move on to our dish #2 that's insane.
24:53
Insane. So for this one, I'm thinking, I
24:58
actually really don't know what I'm thinking.
25:00
Honestly, I'm like kind of freaking out.
25:04
I don't know. Oh God, it's turning into a
25:09
mess. What the fuck do I do?
25:11
OK, wait, wait, wait. I have an idea.
25:12
I have an idea. I have an idea.
25:15
I have an idea. Hang tight tahini specifically.
25:19
I love this Mighty Sesame Coat. By the way, best thing about
25:23
having long nails is being able to do this.
25:26
I love this Mighty Sesame Coat tahini.
25:28
I love that it comes in a squeeze bottle so you can just
25:30
squirt it on. OK, I know exactly what we're
25:32
going to do. Just using this toothpick to
25:42
squirt Squirrel swirl in the tahini drizzle.
25:50
OK, does not look dreamy and pretty.
25:55
Just going to add some of this crumble.
26:01
Kind of looks like I'm making a smoothie bowl in 2016, you know
26:07
what I mean? It's kind of what it's given.
26:10
And then I just have some bok choy flowers that I wanted to
26:14
add to the chat. Is that stunning?
26:23
Wait, I'm obsessed with how that looks.
26:27
OK, let's taste this. That's a perfect dish.
26:36
The tofu and Satan somehow got so crunchy.
26:40
Maybe it's 'cause there were remnants of the cracker left in
26:43
the food processor. I don't know.
26:45
The cauliflower is creamy. There's spice from the goju
26:49
ching. Could the cauliflower puree be
26:54
thicker? Yeah, but I think it would get
26:58
thicker in the fridge and then when you reheat it, it would be
27:01
fine. I think it could be nice if you
27:05
were to add a sweet potato in that puree with the cauliflower.
27:09
But it's like, it's really fucking good as is.
27:12
Like it's honestly really good. The tahini.
27:15
Perfection. OK, it's time to do our dessert.
27:19
I'm like really excited and really nervous.
27:22
Oh, I forgot, it seemed this bit of cauliflower to add on top.
27:29
Oh well, didn't do that. Whatever, they'll just fuck off
27:33
and do the next edition because it's time for dessert, baby.
27:37
Where do I put this shit? That's weird.
27:43
Oh, there's Oh my God, the milk was blocking it.
27:46
I was about to lose my shit. OK, this is still pretty fucking
27:51
warm, so it's not really going to be like the flavor nor the
27:55
texture that we want, but we're going to do this anyway 'cause
27:59
we're just going to have fun with it.
28:03
Oh, it smells so good. The color of this is not nearly
28:08
as vibrant as I'd like it to be, so in recognition of that, I
28:16
have an idea. It is good, though.
28:22
Oh, really? It was good.
28:23
OK. I want to take a little bit of
28:30
the ube powder and dust it on top.
28:35
Yeah, perfect. That looks so much better
28:39
already. Oh my God I just nearly added
28:42
the Satan stuff on top by accident.
28:46
And then our little crumbs. OK OK I kind of hate how the
28:56
flower looks so I don't really know what to do now.
29:05
How about OK, that seems better. Yeah.
29:10
Much better. Much cuter.
29:12
All right. Should we see how this is?
29:15
By the way, how chic. Having dessert and a little like
29:20
martini glass situation. You know what?
29:27
This is really good. It's really good.
29:29
It's a little too sticky. I wish I had added more soy
29:33
milk. I think it like needs.
29:38
It's really fucking good though, with the crunch especially.
29:42
Yeah, that's really nice. Are buglers all over my tooth.
29:46
You know what? Now that I'm deeper into it
29:47
without the powder, it's less sticky, but I still think maybe
29:52
if I'd done 1/4 cup of the soy milk, I think it would have been
29:55
better. I think we're done here.
29:59
I think we did what we came to do.
30:01
I made a three quarts, all purple meal.
30:04
It's all phenomenal and I'd probably have purple shit on my
30:08
teeth. And that's what we came to do,
30:10
right? Seriously, if you enjoyed this
30:12
rate review, subscribe, do all the things.
30:15
I'm going to go cuddle with Sam, call her vet again, put a hex on
30:19
my asshole neighbor, you know, stuff like that.
30:22
Anyway, love you. We'll chat next week. some
30:33
purple flowers for today's episode, but Nope.