Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 667: If Your Avoidant Ex Did THIS, They Are NEVER Coming Back

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Episode 667: If Your Avoidant Ex Did THIS, They Are NEVER Coming Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  If you're watching this or listening to this, it's probably
• 0:05
  because your ex is an avoidant, which means that most likely you
• 0:11
  are anxious and your number one question is whether your ex will
• 0:15
  come back or not. Well, stay tuned and you'll find
• 0:20
  out what your chances are. But first, I want to welcome
• 0:23
  back my beautiful No Contact Army.
• 0:25
  Have you been a good little soldier or a bad little soldier?
• 0:29
  Well, if you've been good, then you've downloaded my app
• 0:32
  Silencio in order to help you to stay in no contact.
• 0:36
  And the link to that is underneath every single video
• 0:38
  and podcast. And if you too would like to
• 0:41
  join our No Contact Army, all you have to do is hit the
• 0:44
  subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:48
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com, where you
• 0:52
  can read two free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 0:57
  OK, so you want to know what the chances are that your avoidant X
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  will come back? Well, unfortunately, 70% of you
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  will never hear from your avoidant X again if they do
• 1:14
  this. What's this?
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  I'll explain in a second, but first let me give you some
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  reasons why an avoidant might distance themselves from you.
• 1:27
  It could be depression or low tolerance for social contact.
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  Maybe low self worth and fear of not being able to meet the other
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  person's needs. A belief that the other person
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  deserves better. Avoiding emotional discomfort or
• 1:45
  conflict or feeling overwhelmed by the other person's attachment
• 1:50
  or expectations. And I found this list
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  interesting because as you may or may not know, I'm an
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  avoidant. And I don't distance myself for
• 2:01
  any of these reasons. Actually, if I find that I'm
• 2:05
  getting overwhelmed by someone's attachment or expectations, I'll
• 2:08
  say something. But very briefly, you know, just
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  me. Like, hey, back off.
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  Hey, I need my space. But otherwise, I distance myself
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  when I see that I'm not a priority for the person that I'm
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  dating. If I feel that I'm not that
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  important to them, or I'm one of many, or they're not that
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  interested, or they're losing interest or they have lost
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  interest. So literally the minute I feel
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  that, the second I feel that, I immediately deactivate and pull
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  away without any notice. And that's what this is, the
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  pulling away without notice ghosting.
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  If your avoidant ghosted you, only 30% of you will ever hear
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  from them again. Now you can certainly reach out
• 3:06
  to them and they may respond. However, if you don't ever reach
• 3:10
  out, 70% of you will never hear from your avoidant again.
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  So let's define ghosting in order to make it very clear what
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  I'm talking about. Ghosting means that they just
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  disappear from your life without any notice.
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  They stop answering your texts, they stop reaching out, they
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  disappear. They become a ghost.
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  Most avoidance will ghost now. A few of them will do the slow
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  fade when suddenly they're not as available to talk or to get
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  together. And before you know it, they too
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  are a ghost. And after an avoidant has
• 3:51
  ghosted, they do something else which you're not going to like,
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  and that is they minimize your importance to them.
• 4:00
  They rewrite history and while you think that you may have
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  shared some great times and amazing moments in their minds,
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  they make it unimportant. This is what allows them to stay
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  away and move on. Because if you really weren't
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  that important, then what's there to go back to?
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  What's there to miss from an avoidance point of view?
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  So if you have an anxious attachment style, I know you
• 4:29
  want closure, but more often than not, you're not going to
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  get it with an avoidant avoidance.
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  Don't care about closure, either giving it or getting it.
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  So I would suggest you read the book Anxiously Attached by
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  Jessica Baum in order to help you with your anxiety and
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  hopefully be able to move to a more secure attachment style.
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  And I'll put the link underneath the video and the podcast.
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  So I'm sorry. I know that a lot of you are
• 5:02
  upset at hearing these statistics, but as I always say,
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  the truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off
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  and sometimes it will make you cry.
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  So I don't want to leave you sad.
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  And therefore I have two short success story comments to uplift
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  you. And the first one says just to
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  let you know, my boy and girlfriend and I broke up on
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  November 30th. On March 16th, 105 days later
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  she made contact. I didn't want to get back with
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  her. But the point is this, it shows
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  no contact will work even with a staunch avoidant.
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  And then the second comment is I had a relationship with a guy
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  and we were struggling over a couple of issues.
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  He finally got mad and told me to go away go away.
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  Which I did with sadness. I didn't pursue him or wait for
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  him. A couple of years later, I was
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  one month away from getting married.
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  He walked into my work at lunch to tell me I was right.
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  It took him two years to figure out she was right and that he
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  wanted to reconcile. He was a good guy, but
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  unfortunately it was too late. Would I sit around waiting for
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  years for someone? No, but my point is that there
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  really is no deadline for someone to return to you.
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  She's right. OK, so hopefully that was
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  helpful for you. That uplifted you a bit.
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  So now I want to hear from you. How long have you been in no
• 6:46
  contact and how is it going? And in the meantime, if you'd
• 6:49
  like my help to get your ex back, especially if they're an
• 6:53
  avoidant like me, you can contact me at theartoflove.net
• 6:57
  and we will send you the rates. They are not on the website and
• 7:01
  the direct link is below every single video and podcast.
• 7:04
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 7:07
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 7:10
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember, love
• 7:14
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.