Latest / Real Talk Real Healing / Ep: 22 Choosing Yourself After Divorce: Healing, Dating & Starting Over with Elyse Berendson

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Ep: 22 Choosing Yourself After Divorce: Healing, Dating & Starting Over with Elyse Berendson · Real Talk Real Healing

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey y'all, this is Desi.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: And this is Lisa.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to our podcast, Real Talk Real Healing, where we support women through their healing journey.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Through raw stories, authentic dialogue, and uncomfortable but very necessary conversations, we explore the full range of emotions, energetic, spirituality, and physical well-being that come with being human.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: We believe in a world filled with filters and service-level messages that healing begins with truth and a little bit of magic.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome back to another episode with your hosts, Lisa and Desi.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And today we have a special episode.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: We are bringing on a guest for the first time.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So we are super excited.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And one intention that we said in the beginning as we were talking about this podcast, and we were like, we need to bring other people on to talk about their actual healing journey because this is called real talk, real healing.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to have these honest conversations with other people, not just us.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So we are bringing people on to have these honest conversations about healing, what it actually looks like in real life.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Again, that's what we are all about.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we want to really talk about you know, the not polished versions, not the I healed this and everything's perfect, because we are human, we are living a human life and things happen.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to talk about the messy and the beautiful and the unexpected journey of becoming who you are today.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So as that reminder, everyone has a different healing story, a different journey in this life.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it may look different to you with this guest today.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but uh you a lot of times we do resonate with pieces of it.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: So take what you want and leave with the rest if that feels good for you.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: But we really want to hear these stories because we want to see and have empathy to other people as well.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So this is going to show you what they walked through, what changed them, what they've learned, and what they're still navigating.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because real healing, like we know, doesn't have one path.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's definitely not a straight line either.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes hearing someone else's story will help us understand our own just a little bit differently.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: So let's dive in.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I'm so excited to bring on Elise.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: We met through a business mastermind, I guess I don't know.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Was that a year ago?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't even know how long ago.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: I joined in August, but I think it started in the fall, right?
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're right.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I signed up for the AA portal as well.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Is that when you signed up?
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: So me and her have like connected over the uh the mastermind and we've done some like trades together.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm really excited to bring her on because I know she has such a powerful healing story.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: So a little bit about Elise is she's a personal brand business coach, multi-passionate entrepreneur, podcast host, and a single mom who rebranded, revamped, and reignited her life, business, and brand after divorce, healing and discovering human design.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: After 30 or I'm sorry, after 300 plus female founders build businesses that feel as good as they look, Elise is passionate about showing women how to build a brand, a business, and a life that's unapologetically their own.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: I love this so much.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: So the first question we're gonna be asking our guest is when you hear the words real talk, real healing, what does real healing mean to you?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, I feel like it's raw.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like it's like Kim Kardashian ugly crying.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like it's so uncomfortable.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I never experienced any of it until like my divorce.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: I really feel like I hit rock bottom.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_02: I remember having a moment where I was like, Will I ever stop crying?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Will I ever want to be in a relationship again?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like very broken, and I had never felt like that in my entire life.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: I also didn't really believe in divorce.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: My parents didn't have been together 40 years, so I thought I would be together.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: Like I only wanted to get married once.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_02: So it was a very hard journey, but I will say that I think I was supposed to, like, my sole contract was to learn like resiliency, to be strong, to go through it, because I never did any of the spiritual woo-woo things before or like anything about healing.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like I'm 10 times better than where I was, and I'm much more like happy, healthy, confident, and I'm a better version for my son.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like I was supposed to go through it, you know?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: So beautiful.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like those things that stretch us the most are like gonna bring us to where it is that we need to go, even though it feels like, why is this happening?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like I had a friend one time where I was like, Oh, this is always happening for me.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, No, no, what's the lesson?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why is it happening for you?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, so like that's really like reprogrammed the way I think about things too, because sometimes I'm like, Oh, like, you know, we can get into that victim mindset, but it's like, no, no, what's the lesson we need to learn, or what is it that we have to take away from this?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so true.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's something that we both say all the time, because it is it's all about what is it happening for you instead of to you, and allowing yourself to really sit with that lesson and really sit with, you know, like maybe I'm gonna, you know, of course, in hindsight, you always figure out why this might have happened.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So it's always sitting with the now and then being in hindsight, like, oh, that's why that happened.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Got it.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like it'll be oh, sorry, go ahead.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: Go ahead.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: No, you're good.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: I was gonna say, I've seen so many like healers, psychics, had so many readings, and they were like, You were supposed to go through that, and your son chose you.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: And even when we've had moments, like I just like I I know that it's been difficult, but I feel like I would do it all over again because I got him out of it too.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: And he's just like, I don't know, he warms my heart and he says these like one-liners where I'm like, How are you doing like seven?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Aw, that's so cute.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Love that.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So before your healing journey journey and where you are today, we would love to know what did life look like before you started healing?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, maybe there's some patterns that you were living that you couldn't see at the time, of course, in hindsight again, like looking back and being like, oh, that wasn't normal.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's, you know, quote unquote, right?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Or what were you struggling maybe with that kind of put you onto this path of healing and where you are today?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when I think when you first said that, I just I was living like kind of very much the life that society has taught us.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like you go to school, you get the job, I got a corporate career, um, I met the person, we got a house, like did all the things in order, but then I felt like there was still something that wasn't that was missing, and I felt numb.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like there was part of me that just felt like I would drink or eat or shop or do something.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, this, like, I don't think this is actually how you're supposed to live life.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: And like even becoming a mom, I was like, I feel like there's more to this, and so I feel going through the separation, divorce, all of it, and the healing, I was like, oh, this is like who I truly am, and this is like what I'm supposed to do.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't know, I just I kind of was grateful that I hit rock bottom, but in that moment it was shitty.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_02: But now I'm like, oh, I had to do all of that, so yeah, it's just like a full circle moment essentially.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Would you say the divorce was kind of like the first more like healing bigger healing journey that you went on then?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, I feel like I was not open to any of it.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't do anything, like I had heard friends talk about like new moon.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't really know that much about astrology.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I hadn't even known about human design then.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, I feel like I grew up very much.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we don't talk about it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: That's like taboo.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: I grew up in a very English home, and I think that's just how like our boomer generation grew up as well.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: And so I guess my first experience into healing technically would be therapy.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_02: So my ex and I did therapy like together, and then I did individual therapy, and then I also did therapy through postpartum anxiety that I had like after I had my son, but I had never done any type of healing or anything.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think I just kind of lived like very what's the word, right?
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_02: So like it was just like on autopilot every day, and I feel like I was like maybe just did I numb out the whole part, you know what I mean?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_02: Like after you hit a certain age in like 1920, and like I drank so much in university, and now I'm like three years sober.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like right in the day, but yeah, I just I feel like I've awakened my whole life.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, so it's definitely more more recent for you.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really cool to know.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I would say in the last five years, like we separated, divorced in 2022, so it'll be five years in February.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, that's really cool.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, not for you to go through that necessarily, but the cool to learn that like you know, you were more recent with your healing journey and you really didn't get into that stuff until afterwards.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, again, that is that's a really great uh pivot point for you or turning point, you know, being like, wow, if I didn't go through that, I wouldn't know all this stuff that you are, you know, that you're doing today and everything.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that's amazing.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because now, of course, you help a lot of women with their own stuff and their own businesses.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really cool that obviously you have that wisdom now, you know, being like, Here, you can do this because I've been through it too.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I also feel like my relationship wasn't very healthy.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then I realized I took like a relationship course and I had a very much a pattern of who I dated.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: And Desi and I have talked about this, but I think I have like a little bit of like a father wound where I wanted to like get tension and dated the wrong type of people and then married the wrong person.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like he looked nice and looked nice on paper, but behind closed doors, it was the complete opposite.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_02: And then when we were together for 10 years, and when it ended, I was like had all this like trauma stuck in my body, and I didn't know how to release it.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember I did a Reiki one time at a retreat, and I was like, This is weird.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I was very like anti-boo.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: This was before we like separated, and she had talked about like, oh, you need to heal in here, and I was like, No, I'm fine, like I'm good.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then, like, fast forward after the divorce, I was like, I need to get all this shit out of my body.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_02: I did breath work, I had like one session at a retreat, it was 60 minutes.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_02: I had done talking therapy for five years, and this one breathwork session released like 10 years of trauma in an hour.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Why didn't I discover this earlier?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: But we don't talk about it, we didn't know about it.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like I was it was even when I talked to my friends, they're like, What do you do?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, they still like these people don't understand.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like it's been great that I've been open to it, but I don't think I would have until I hit like rock bottom, you know what I mean?
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so so cool to know that like you just finally started dipping your toe in basically, and it was just like, Whoa, what is this?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then it led you down this path.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: So curious, you know, if like there was a besides just the breaking point, was there anything that like or maybe just maybe in hindsight, you know, like where was the what was the point that you knew something needed to change in order to for you to start to heal?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think I realized it when I had my son.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like when you become a mom or you go through something like that can be also some traumatic for some women.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: But I also was like, I just wanted to kind of do things differently.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to, you know, um not follow generational patterns.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of the women in my family were very much like just do as the man says, or kind of like quiet, a little bit avoidant or numb it, or we don't talk about it.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, no, I feel like I had this moment where I'm like, I'm a mom now, like I want to stand up for what's right and like show my son.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about feelings.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: My son goes to therapy.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was that when I told my mom that I go to therapy, she was like, wow, you're great.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so it was very, like, very different.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so my son and I will talk about feelings or things like that, but it's complete opposite of like how I was raised.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that was like a turning moment for me.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's been helpful for because for he'll open up and be like, Oh, I'm feeling this way.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I think when I was young, I didn't even know that those feelings existed.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_02: I would just like push it down or numb it, or again, we didn't talk about it because I feel like it was just like uncomfortable to talk about, and they didn't our parents didn't have the tools.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I love my parents, but I think they would we weren't taught those things, you know.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely not like the baby boomer generation, like they don't know how to.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: My mom still's like, I don't understand why you guys do all that stuff.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I don't understand why you journal.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I can give you all the reasons why, but like, unless you're ready to hear it, sometimes they're not even ready to hear it.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you're you know, all the reasons.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to go back to that breath work, that one session that you were talking about.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: And like, what do you think really happened in that like 60 minutes that like you were looking for in the previous years of therapy that you really got in that moment?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think I was still holding on to the marriage.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you know, we had separated, and then I think it was a year following that I went to this retreat, and we were trying to like we were kind of like dabbling, like, do we continue this?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like, can he change?
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: I was very much like attached, and so I think going to this breath work, it was like this release.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember pulling a fertility card, and I was like, no, no, like I don't want another baby, and she's like, No, no, girl, like you're birthing something new or you're releasing something, and I literally feel like I his body like came out of my body, I don't even know how to explain it.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was just and I was like screaming and yelling, and I think this was like my second time doing breath work, like it was very new, and I didn't even know what was happening, but I was very open to it.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: And the thing that people don't talk about after is like I felt like I was like hungover for three days afterwards, yeah.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: And so it was really powerful, but yeah, I just feel like I couldn't let it go.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I kept thinking like maybe it would work, or maybe he'll change.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then I kept finding out more and more things like while we were together, that I was like, okay, this is not my person.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: So it kind of just happened the way it should have.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the breath work really opened you up and cleared the channel and was like, wait, let's release what we've been carrying for the last 10 years so that you can see clearly and feel the way that you're supposed to, and like have more clarity on what's happening.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: So were you already like divorced, or were you guys in that in-between?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: Actually, we're technically still not divorced because this is the person that I'm dealing with.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: So we have another date in January.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm hoping everything will be finalized then.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's been a long journey.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_02: Also, I'm in Canada, so our process like is very different.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: It's not just like you wait a year and you go, you have to like like we're trying to sell our house, and so everything has to be finalized, like like financially.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I want to move on, but right things are tied to.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: But when you did that breath work, were you where were you in that process?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, was it at the very beginning of like you guys separating, or that was like a year into it, I would say, but I think I was still like attached, yeah.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think it was this moment because my one girlfriend, I have always go over to her house and we talk about it, and she was like, You guys are not together, stop talking about it.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I feel like I just couldn't let it go.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like it was a release, it was really helpful.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and every time now that I do like a breath work session, I go like deeper and deeper.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I had like an eptopic pregnancy when I was younger um in university, and so every time I see my little girl there, and so that's just really cool.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I when I again we're talking about like your parents, and I tell my parents they're like, Okay, she's weird.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_02: But and it's just very like healing, and just I don't know, I wish more women would do it, like or get into it or be open to it, even if you're like new, just go and try it and see, like maybe there's something that you're holding on to that you could release, you know.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: So good.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, Lisa also does, and you know that I do breath work as well, and it's like uh it's like the first thing that really changed a lot for me.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was doing the the healing and the coaching and things like that, but once I did the breath work, our mentor was really into it.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: It was just like, wow, this is amazing! Like we have access to this power just with our breath.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like it just blew my mind.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I don't know about you, but I feel like now, more recently, like I feel like I've released so much that now when I go into breath work, like I did one on the last like full moon, is I get now business ideas.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I like birthed a new business idea and I was like, okay, like I feel like it could even be like a plus for people that maybe are feeling stuck or need more clarity, like you can release stuff and get the ideas or the downloads, you know.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's what I do a lot of it too.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Cause I'm like, all right, what do we got today?
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, any type of meditation, breath work, you know, whatever practice you are into, it it just opens your channel, it opens your intuition.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that you shared that because that's what we're all about.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, just drop into the body, like just trust what's there because that's where you get the answers, not in your head.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like a lot of women that I talk to or that I work with, because sometimes I'll do like visualizations or meditations, and I feel like for them, it's like they can't even slow their mind down.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, I can't focus.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I know because I I went through that too when I started.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, the more you do it, the easier it gets.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: But also, you just like I did one like the other day, and I felt like my mind was just like, I'm manifesting generator, ADHD, like all the things, wearing all the hats.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: And as soon as I did it, I was like, Oh, it feels so good.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why not spend 10 minutes and just do something quick for yourself, you know?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: So with your divorce and with like kind of knowing that okay, he's not my person, like, were there patterns that you recognize, or was it just a time that you just kind of understood yourself a little more and you were like, this just doesn't fit anymore?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Was there what what was kind of like that point that like triggered, like, okay, like I'm done settling and done being in this?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, you don't have to share a ton of details, but whatever, like you know, whatever kind of that point to help you with that healing piece.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's actually funny because my one girlfriend, she gave me an ultimatum and she was like, Was I the like ultimate decision like that you made that decision about?
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, No, it was like a whole bunch of things at once.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_02: But I think like the the actual moment when my son was two and we fought like every night.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was like crying every night.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: I had insomnia, I had panic attacks.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: I had never had insomnia, pen attack, panic attacks before.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: I had had headaches before, but I remember one month I went to the doctor and I was like, I've had 21 migraines in a month.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: Or like, no, no, it's not possible.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, She's like, Are you telling the truth?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: And then like my son was like, Mommy, always sad, daddy mad.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that like me.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so then I was like, Okay, it's not just me.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then I kept seeing all these therapists, and then my ex was like, just go see another one, like you need a second opinion.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like every person was like, Leave him.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: And he was like, No, no, go see someone else.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like I slowly was like taking off the rose-colored glasses, yeah, and I was like, Okay, like I need to do this for me, but also my son to see a happier version of me.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so, yeah, that was kind of like my rock bottom moment, and there was multiple things that were happening, but even like my it was actually funny.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I've I think I've shared this on my podcast, but my our joint therapist was like, You should come in for hypnotherapy and we'll release some stuff from your childhood.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: Because my ex kept being like, She's got all this damage, it's her fault, blah, blah, blah.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was kind of like brainwashed a little bit.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, I think I do have problems.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: And we went in there and she was like, Okay, how are you doing?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I broke down in her office and I was like, I'm not good, we're still fighting.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: I said, We come in here, he tells you everything you want to hear, and then we leave.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, To be honest, it's never gonna change.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, What?
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, You'll be doing this for another 10, 20 years.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like shocked, and I was like, You don't think you'll ever change?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, No.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: And so she's like, I really can't say that because she's like our joint therapist.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, But I see, she's like, I see you struggling, and she's like, I see you putting in the work.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I had like a separate individual therapist at this point, too.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_02: And like I would like ask them to like cross-reference because apparently they knew each other, they're not really supposed to, but I was like, I'm really showing up and doing the work.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I was like, Oh, there was just so many things and so many signs all at the same time, and I just was like, Okay, I have to go.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I told my dad, he was like, Yeah, you should have left six months ago.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, like there's just so many things that I was like, well, and it's so hard to leave, you know, especially when you have this thought or this belief that, like, and we're gonna be together with this person forever, we gotta work it out, and da-da-da.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I did that with an ex for a couple years, the therapy thing, he was doing therapy, we were doing therapy, blah blah all the therapy, but like it was the same thing, like he was just never gonna change.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like no matter how hard we hoped for it, like and tried, like we can't change somebody who's unwilling to see their own stuff, yeah.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and I felt like I was doing so many changes, and we would go into therapy, and I was like, I feel like I'm doing everything and he's not doing anything.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt like walking on eggshells.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_02: I also felt like this was never me, but I just felt like I started turned into like a Stepford wife, like, okay, the dinner has to be on the table and everything has to be perfect.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: And then, like, my mom was like, Are you good?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, because like I'm not like that.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so just just so many little things that I just like really changed and became a version of myself that I didn't recognize, and so I'm Proud that I left because I know it's really hard.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I know for women listening, you know, my cycle is in like two days, so I might get emotional.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: But I know it's hard to leave.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I and I will say, like, I debated it for like a year, but I will say it's the best decision I've ever made.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: So precious.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for sharing all that with us because it's not easy.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're listening right now and you're in that space, like know that you're not alone and you can get help and you can go on the other side of it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like it feels like there's like I know when I was deep in my uh with that relationship, it was like before coaching, before healing, before like a lot of information on the internet.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I think like, what if I had that information now?
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: If I went through that again, like, you know, there are so many resources out there and there's so much information, but like ask for support.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the biggest thing.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes we just bottle it all up and we don't tell anybody what's really truly going on.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And then we think we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's like, wait a minute, there are people that like love us and that will help us, and like we just have to like ask for it and like say the thing.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: I also say too, like, I got like because I'm building a brand on business online, I really kept this part close to me because I had this idea in my head too that divorce was failure, and that I've always like I kind of grew up as like a perfectionist, and again, maybe that was my healing journey too, that my life will look different.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I had to remove that piece, and so I started to share a little bit more about like divorce, healing.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I had so many women that came out of the woodworks, and they're like, I like I'm going through the exact same thing.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea because obviously maybe they don't have the courage or they don't feel comfortable or something.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm like, I started speaking up, and so many women came out, and I think that also not only helped my healing journey, but maybe theirs as well.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then I also did like retreats and things like that.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it's also like speak up, you'll find your community, your people, and like also building a personal brand by sharing who you are.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was ugly.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: I cried, ugly cried a lot on the internet, but I feel like people like were like, I'm here for you if you need anything.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so I built like a really great community, and so I think that's another thing I think people don't realize is that yeah, there's a lot of support, but you don't know who's also hurting or healing behind the scenes.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_02: So speak up, share it, share a story, go live, like or reach out to that person.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I just feel like I wish I always say to people like you can reach out to me anytime, like I'm open in the DMs.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: I just feel like we feel so isolated, but there's so many other people that are going through it as well.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we can totally relate with that too, because you know, us being in, you know, a similar space with coaching and breath work and all the things where again social media has turned into this highlight reel that like is so not true because we're all human and we're all dealing with our own stuff behind closed doors, you know, like most of the time.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like, when did we stop sharing those things?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: When did we stop being human on social media, even though like we can build these really cool businesses and communities?
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so I just love that you shared that you were just real and raw and just shared with people like this is what I'm going through, and it's really hard still, you know, and like people and again it's it's kind of like of course it's unexpected when like certain people come out and you're like, Oh, I didn't know they were they were going through it, and then it's like you just receive more love too and compassion because it's like you're human, and then other people are like, Oh, she is human, she's not perfect, okay, great.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really like her, and you know, I've gone through something similar.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's like it's just building that like connection with other people.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's really important, and that's why we wanted to bring you on and other people onto this podcast.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for sharing that.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's even though it's hard to do that, um, you know, that's what we need more of right now, I think.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um so we would love to know too, like where what surprised you about healing and what was like one of the hardest things that you had to face about yourself, like when you were in these moments.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I think the thing that surprised me the most is that I've met so many amazing people, either like in retreats, healing circles, um, full moon, get-togethers, but I also I just feel like they're these women that like will just show up and be their most authentic self, or they're going through something so difficult, but they're showing and being brave.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that was something that I didn't realize that I've met so many close girlfriends, clients through this.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I always say it to my clients like I had a call the other day, and I was like, You should come to one of these, like uh my girlfriend does these like sound bath um circles.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, Well, I've never done that, like it's so out of my comfort zone.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I never went to it either, like five years ago.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you just try it, and I'm like, I'll be there, you should come.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, I don't know.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like, I feel like there's again this like stigma taboo, like it's like, oh, it's like a cults, but I've like, if anything, I feel like they're the most warm and welcoming women ever.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so you guys can relate to that part, I feel.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: And what was the second part of the question?
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just something that was like the hardest thing you had to face about yourself, like while you were in this healing.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think being like single and starting over, like um, how old was I?
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh four years ago, so 34.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I felt like even again, I just was in a relationship recently, and I'm like, okay, now starting again over when I'm 38.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's something that feels like embarrassing to say out loud, but also I'm like, but I don't want to just be with anyone, I want to be with my person.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like if I'm, you know, if I'm with them from now until like I'm 100 or whatever, that's at least 60 years.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I just I feel like that's a thing.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think we just like rush to find anyone, and I think I did that when I was younger, yeah.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_02: And this time I'm doing it differently.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that has been hard to accept.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I've had so many friends that are like, You're so great, like you could be with anyone.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, but I don't want to be with anyone.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like you could have a boyfriend.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't like all those people, like I'm very specific of what I'm looking for.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: So that's a hard part to like kind of realize and go through.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's moments too, like if you're emotional, alluteal, like when I go places with my son, I feel like, oh, I wish I had that like nuclear family dynamic, but then I realized I am happy and I have to like kind of go back to gratitude and realize like what I'm in.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: But it is a hard thing.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, you know, you can want that, but also you know what I mean?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's uh, I don't know the wording for it, but it's like I feel like you're in two different worlds at the same time.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's interesting because like now I've been with Jason for 12 years now, and it's like we're literally growing old together, we're getting wrinkles, like things are changing, like we're getting old together.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like if you think about it, yeah, it's like another, would you say like 60, 40 years, whatever it is.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's like that's a long time to be with one person, right?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like if we look at it that way, it's like, what's the rush?
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like when the right person comes, then the right person comes, but like why would I rush it with somebody that like maybe has some red flags or like I'm gonna accept some things that I don't really want to, just so I can hurry up and be in a relationship.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so yeah.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I've had a lot of like single friends that did that, they would rush into relationships, and I was like, No, I'm gonna work on my healing journey, I'm gonna work on me.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I see them later and they like they're in this relationship, but then it's like I feel like you're not happy with this new relationship, and they didn't work on themselves.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: They they were like, Oh, I don't want to be alone.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: So then they jumped into something, and even my ex, he jumped to something quite quite quickly, and I feel like I am happier and have this like glow up when I see him.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Are you good?
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you okay?
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's like I think that's another thing maybe that's surprising.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Is healing is kind of like an inner glow up.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: The people always be like, What are you drinking?
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: What are you taking?
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I'm just like working on myself, and they're like, What?
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_02: And then I say and they're like, What?
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's some weird woo-woo thing, and I'm like, No, no, just like breathe, do stuff for yourself, like you know come to a sound bath or a full moon thing, and they're like they're like, Wait, what that actually works?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, Yeah, literally.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm like, I'm happier, I'm not drinking, I'm hanging with people I love.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like, what's the problem?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's a big thing too, even like the hardest thing.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we've talked about relationships and just friendships in general, and and on our podcast, because that is a big thing that happens, you know, when you're he when you start healing and you start doing that inner work, you realize like, who do I actually want to accept around me, or who, you know, feeds into this part, which is not me anymore, you know?
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: So, like finding those, especially like you said about the circles and people are just so like welcoming.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: I I teach yoga and and I went to a studio and learned yoga, and I'm like, oh my God, everyone's so amazing and so friendly and so nice.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, of course, certain studios you can definitely have different experiences, but the experience that I had, I met like it like trickled, you know.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_00: The people that I met through there led to this thing and then this thing and then this thing and led to me to where I am today.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, that's freaking cool.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like when you look back and being like how the connections are, and just like the people that actually support you that don't maybe don't know you as well as like some of your other friends or family, but they support you like 10 times more.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you're they're like, of course you can do that, like, of course, duh.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: And like, and then you just keep getting the magic, you you're you just become addicted because you're like, Well, I gotta go to the next one because that felt really cool.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: I will even add on to that.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like becoming single at like 34, I also gave up alcohol um and your healing.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like, and I said this recently on like a post that I feel as I'm going through all these things, I've like I'm in a different stage in my life where I don't resonate with my old version of my life.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so I've slowly lost friendships where I lost the married friends, yeah, and then I lost the drinking friends.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I start getting into like the you know, the healing, the woo-woo, people are like, what are you doing?
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_02: And they slowly will like pull back.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like, yes, I lost some people, but then I gained so many amazing people through these circles.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: But also when you talk about like you know, strangers supporting you, business owners that I've met online through masterminds or or anything, like they've been bigger supporters than like people that I know in my family.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what is going on?
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like, so it's like you never know who's going to be in your circle, who's gonna be there for you.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I think you just have to like follow what works for you.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_02: And like I'm a big believer of like being like aligned and you know, is this you know for me?
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm very intuitive of like what's for me and what's not.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think I lost the things that weren't for me, and then it opened up so many people that were for me, and then I've met so many amazing people.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so cool to look back and be like, wow, all these things fell apart, which are really hard in the moment.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: But then again, you have these tools now, you have the breathwork, you have the the different, you know, circles and support, you know, in a different way that support you through these like hard ships, you know, the hard moments, you know, because of course they don't normally last, but again, it's like okay, well, it's happening for a reason.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna trust and surrender a little bit more, you know.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I love that.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for sharing.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: But um, so now we want to talk about like now what, right?
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you still working through?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: What does and what does even you know, quote unquote healed mean to you?
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that we're ever like fully healed.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like it's kind of like that up and down journey.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_02: And it's not linear, like you feel like you're really good, and then you can have a moment and you're like, what's happening?
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think I don't know if it's just me, but I feel some holidays for me get very like Christmas time gets very like emotional.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'll have like a lot of reminders or things that pop up, and I'm like, okay, I'm single again.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: But then I try to like focus on like my son and I and making it like magical and all of those things.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_02: But I feel like it's yeah, it doesn't have like a there's no straight journey, but I think you know, the one thing I did when I became single after my marriage was I really poured back into me and I did like solo dates and like got to know me.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it's so funny now.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like I have friends that are like, You'll go where by yourself?
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I go I go everywhere, and it's like so as much as it's been hard, I feel like I'm very comfortable being uncomfortable and doing things and being by myself, but I'm like a lot of people can actually handle being by themselves.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like my neighbor is always like, How do you like sleep by yourself?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I've been doing it for like five years.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I just like put on my fan, I don't hear anything, and I'm good.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: But like very comfortably in the whole bank.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: But it's like the first year I was like hated it.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_02: I kept like hearing things and like you're used to like a man in the house or taking care of things, and so I feel like I've just kind of got to know myself and done things for myself.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: And there's moments where I feel really great, and other moments I'm like no, but usually that's like based on my cycle, and I'm like, okay, but you need to help.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, so true.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything that you're still working through or just kind of like seeing what comes up and working and like using your tools that you know?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think every so often I'm like, okay, like I think I should do like a breath work.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_02: I um I noticed in my last relationship with which wasn't a little bit more of a healthier relationship.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_02: I noticed that I do have a kind of more of an anxious attachment.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I think that was from my other, like my marriage essentially.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so I feel like when I'm healing now, it's like through kind of learned or lived experiences.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't really look at it like, oh, this is wrong or bad.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: I just I just kind of again, it's like, oh, this is a lesson that I need to learn.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_02: And kind of any type of like, you know, discussion or disagreement that we had got into was very like calm and healthy.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_02: And then I started to realize too.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, why is it just I feel like when I'm in these relationships, it's always like one-sided.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm the one that's like, okay, I'll fix that and I'll do that.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think that's something I need to learn is that it's not just always on me, it takes two people.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's another thing.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: But I think it's more just as things come up, but I do feel way more like grounded, level-headed.
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, even when I'm like not feeling good, I'm like, okay, I need to go for a walk, like or go for a workout.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm pretty good about doing all those things.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_02: Or like when my son comes back, like the other day, I was like, Oh, do you want me to like you know, sage you?
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to do something?
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we just have like little things that we'll do.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, um, but yeah, I feel like it's more just as it comes up.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's as intense as it was.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: When do you think that timeline shifted when you were more in the beginning?
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, was it like about a year after doing some breath work and stuff that like kind of was like, oh, now I can recognize, and now I like have these practices you consistently go to.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_02: I someone told me once, they're like, Oh, I think you get like your pink back from a mother.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think it said like two years, but then after the divorce, I feel like it was like another two years.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel like it was only really like because I'm in going this is year four, year five will be in February.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, I don't know, I feel like it took me like two or three years to kind of get back to normal.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: I did read something too that when you're in kind of a toxic relationship too, like I think it's something in your brain takes about seven years for it to really yeah, to rewire.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I was listening, I I was like, oh my god, I have seven years to heal this.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I was like, okay, we're on year five.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna have two more years.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_02: But I feel like I'm much better at how I am.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I first started dating after divorce and things would happen.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: I remember I was driving with one guy that I was like seeing, and I was like, he was like, Which way are we supposed to go?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh no, we're supposed to go right.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like starting to freak out.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Yeah, he's like, You're good.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like sitting there, like, okay, I would have got screamed at by the guys.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_02: I would have so there's like moments that happen in like a relationship where I'll have like trauma or triggers, yeah.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm just like sitting there and I'm in like free state, and he's like, Are you okay?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so I feel like it comes with every relationship or things that I go through, but I feel like I'm way more self-aware.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, even my girlfriend, she's like, she's like, you don't stay in that like stuck pattern anymore.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, you work through it or figure out like what's wrong.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it because of all like the healing as well.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: That's amazing.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious if you have, since you are like in the dating world, or you know, whenever you get back to it.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm curious if you have any any tips, any advice for someone that maybe is in the same boat, because you know, we're we're pretty much women that are listening.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: So anyone that's feeling that or just kind of recognizing like maybe this isn't healthy, or maybe you know, that that moment that you had, or like when when you do something and you're automatically like, oh my god, this might trigger somebody.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like just kind of anything that you have that you want to share with people to to kind of raise their standard a little bit and kind of you know look for that healthier relationship if that's their position.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, one thing that I do and actually do with my clients is not that I like we do anything about dating, but I'm very like I'm big into like manifesting and being very specific.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: So I I actually just like rewrote it yesterday when I saw like a TikTok video, it was like you'll meet your partner 10 days from now.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay, let's try this.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_02: So I got like very specific on what I want because I think like the my past partner, he had a lot of qualities that I did really like and we got along really well.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_02: Um, there was like distance that you know didn't help in the end, and I just think there were different stages of our life.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I think getting more crystal clear on that, being super specific and writing it all down.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_02: But I also think like you can't just like wait for this like magical person to show up.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_02: You have to also implement what's on that list.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_02: So like some of the things on my list is you know, taking care of your body or taking care of your health and your wealth.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like I'm always doing things to work on myself and invest in myself.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: I hired like a trainer and a coach, um, like a business coach and then a trainer for like working together.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: And like I have never had done two at the same time.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like things I'm doing, I would want my partner to do as well.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but also just like not trying to chase or just follow anyone, or just like I don't not be in that like desperation mode and more in that like divine feminine, being like I attract.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, one relationship course that I took, it kind of opened my eyes because I've never dated like this.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: But she was like, You have multiple like eggs in your basket, you date lots of people, and I was like, I don't know, I've never done that before.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like you have the options and then then they come to you kind of thing.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_02: And so I think you get to be the prize, like you are worthy and like kind of like tell yourself those things.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I also do like a goddess day once a week of like pouring back into me and doing something for myself.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like a lot of women do that or take care of themselves.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think they just like go relationship to relationship, yeah, or they don't really see the red flag.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm very like observant.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: I can see a lot of things when people are like love bombing or saying things.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I don't know about that.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, just being like very clear in what you want, but like taking care of yourself, doing things for you, and not like making this person your whole life, like even if you are in a relationship now, is like I think we forget.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I have so many friends that I'm thinking, oh yeah, I really want to partner.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think of some people that are in relationships, and I'm like, but they're not even happy.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm happy with where I'm at, and if someone comes and adds value, then that's great, but I'm not gonna try like you know, push it or force it.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: It has to be like an aligned fit, and also because I have a child, they have to be aligned with that as well.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a big deal.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think the one thing I would do differently for that is not introduce someone like as soon as I did.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was like three months that I waited.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think I would wait maybe six months or more.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because like the kids get attached, yeah, definitely.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: I I wanted to ask a little bit more about your business.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I know did you start your business after you separated, or like how did that all transpire?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: It kind of was in the middle of things, but this is the funny thing is that my um ex was not supportive like of anything that I did.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_02: So um when I found out I was pregnant, I I was working in like the education world.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: But like I did corporate and then went into education, and so I originally actually, when my son was born, I decided that I was gonna open like a home Montessori school.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I actually did that for two years, like having my own business, and then I was running another side business as well.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: And through this like side business, people were like, You're doing so well with like content and reels, like can you teach me?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: And so it kind of slowly fell in my lap.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I decided that, like, okay, this is done, like I have to leave.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I can't really do like a monastery for my house if we're gonna be leaving, you know.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: So I thought maybe I'll just go full-time coaching.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it was kind of scary.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: I remember it was like July, and I was like, okay, like all my kids are leaving to go to school in September.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna bring any new kids in.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I just like when cold turkey went all in and just prayed that it all worked out, and that was uh my son was two, so he's seven now.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, that was I guess five years and just kind of went into it.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I kind of was dabbling, I guess, in the business world, but more so like locked in now and love what I do.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm excited.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually in Elise's next mastermind, business mastermind coming up here.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so yeah, if you want to share a little bit about like how people can follow you and all that good stuff, we'd love to hear more about that.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so if you want to follow me, I'm at the Elise Sparenson.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_02: You guys probably put that in the show notes, right?
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have to spell out my whole name.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but yeah, I feel like you'd want to come over there.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: I like I said, like even if you're Listening, and you've resonated, or you feel like you feel alone, like you can always come and chat and talk to me through the DMs.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I do have a couple programs that are coming up.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of people that come into my world will come to me through Humadesign.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and Human Design is like your energetic blueprint of like who you are.
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I found this through healing, through business, um, through a friend, and do use this with my clients.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like how you show up, how you make decisions, how you can sell, how you can do social media.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_02: Like Desi and I and have done a couple things together, and it's like we're both like manifesting generators, so like our version of content compared to someone else will be very different.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: Um, also selling and a couple different things.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: But I really feel like having this like personalized blueprint for my clients really helps.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I use this in my mastermind as well, and that's like a four-month container that starts um September 22nd.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: So it's for like a female founder that's feeling like they're kind of maybe stuck in a box and they're feeling stuck, and they're like maybe they've worked with a coach and they've copied the strategy and it's not working and they want more of a personalized strategy.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: We go into like your identity, your nervous system.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_02: I have like guest expanders, we go into like your personal brand, social media systems, sales, and I feel like people always leave and they're like, I don't, I don't want it to be over every time it ends.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: So it's yeah, it's a it's a wonderful space and it's online.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_02: So if you're anywhere in the world, you can join.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I can send that information to you guys as well.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, it sounds awesome.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's really cool that you get to support women in that way and really kind of you're highlighting who they are, you know, and because I'm all big into astrology as well, and you know, human design is very similar.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it is a bit, it's we me and Desi uh have another mentor that had us look into our astrology, our human design, our gene keys, and it's like figure out who you are first, and then we'll go from there, you know, and it's just such a good reminder that like you are, you know, our astrology and the when we were born and all these things, they're like in they're in the sky, you know.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you can't fake it, you know, who you are.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is literally who you are.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_00: Remind yourself who you are, and like keep telling yourself over and over again, like this is your gift, this is your thing, you are worthy, and like all these things, and and just like being that mirror for women, especially because, like you said, like not many of us do this goddess day and fill into our cup each week, which I love that.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I definitely want to implement that as well, at least once a month, you know.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you can't do it weekly, at least once a month.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like we just need to fill our cup up so much more, and I think that's a like a great reminder, just you sharing that.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_00: I think that it sounds like amazing too.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: Them the mastermind sounds awesome.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I feel like exactly what you said.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_02: I recently just created um a quiz.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a little bit of a freebie too, and like you're trying to like what it girl you are, because that's another thing that I find with like your personal brand is like you'll join a coach and they'll tell you all these things and you do exactly what it is, or you see a guru, or someone online telling you to do something and you copy it.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: Like you can see like the kind of chic trend that's going viral right now, and it's like we're doing all these things, and then we're like, uh, now do I do?
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like we don't even know who we are, what we share, and it's like you share your story, your experience, your message.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, have it created this so that you can figure out which it girl you are because there's four different types, and it's like, why are you trying to force and be somebody else when this is who you're designed to be?
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_02: And essentially using human design too with like your blueprint, and it's like, why are we forcing trying to show up online or sell a different way or be like someone else?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, why can't we just be ourselves and be loud and bold and crazy or quiet and shy or introverted or talk about like the conspiracy theories?
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, be yourself, and I think that's the difference that people don't realize what is will help you in your business.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like when I talked about like healing, human design, divorce, all the things people came in because they wanted to like they resonated with something like that.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_02: So encourage you to like put more of you back in your business.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's go.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: Love that.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_02: We're all about that for sure.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: Ah, well, thank you so much for being our first guest.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is awesome.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_02: This has been so fun.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, such a fun conversation, such a fun episode.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we are just here to support each other, you know, and and thank you so much for sharing all of your moments and the hard points and the healing and the practices that you do now and before.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for sharing your story.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: We appreciate it.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to say, too, that yeah, not everyone's journey will look the same.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like you can try my technique or your technique, or maybe try EFT or breath work.
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, find the thing that you like and do that.
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_02: Find what works for you because again, it's not a copy and paste, even routine for healing.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so true though, right?
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a plug and play, see what works for you, and then like go with that.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yay! Thank you guys for being here.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_01: And we will put all of Lise information in the show notes and go follow her.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, we hope you guys enjoy this episode.