Latest / The Hotmomz Lifestyle Podcast / #203: Your Relationship With Money Is a Mirror of Your Relationship With Your Father (The New Money Standard Ep. 1)

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#203: Your Relationship With Money Is a Mirror of Your Relationship With Your Father (The New Money Standard Ep. 1) · The Hotmomz Lifestyle Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How money is for you right now in your life is nothing more than a mirror of your provider relationship with your father.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who's ready to create a new money standard?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: This is day one, a new relationship with money.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have a completely different relationship with money.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: This goes beyond manifestation.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: This stuff is not sexy.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you are already anxious and fearful, you're gonna be more anxious and more fearful with lots of money.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually gonna get worse.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happened to me.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually gonna get worse.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I thought that becoming a millionaire would like give fix all my problems.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: When really, when I got there, it was scary on a different level.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: You got fear where it's like, is my power gonna get turned off?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then am I gonna have enough for groceries?
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then that's like survival fear.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this other fear when you have money, it's like the fear never goes away because it's never been about the money.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing with your body, it's the same thing with relationships and the house.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Anything we think we want, it's gonna just make us happy.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's not.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when I work with very successful entrepreneurs, leaders, empire builders, eight-figure people, it's the same thing.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go through specific exercises when they have high charges around really wanting the thing and all this stuff.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: We have to go, we have to remove that charge because most of us are afraid of disappointment.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Most of us have deep core shame that we've never truly sat with.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it turns into just shitty experiences with our bodies and our money and our relationships.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's going to come out in one of those areas.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I've always worked for money.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I always believed in I can make money, but I only knew it as you work hard.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I come from farming type people, very like blue-collar type people.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just literally, how can I get money in my account?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let me go apply for a job.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's all we knew back then was let's apply for jobs or clean houses or do something.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then it became like, all right, what's your skill set?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: What's your education in?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then now let's do the thing that we're good at and make the money.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I could do that, right?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I could do that.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I've always wanted money, but it always felt like it controlled my fucking life, right?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It fucking, based on how much money I had, equaled how I felt that day.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Am I alone in this?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: Are y'all the same?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Money truly controlled how I felt about myself, about how I felt about the day, about my kids, how I showed up with my kids, how I showed up in the world.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Money literally controlled everything.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I know for a lot of women, their bodies are the same way.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm on the magazine, it means I'm successful.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Therefore, that's where the money's gonna come from because people are gonna see me as successful then because I'm in a magazine.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I went full speed.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I went from feeling like I had no traction to I had traction.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Things were happening quickly.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I jumped to 20k months, started building a team, brought it on, no coach.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody was showing me anything.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was selling high ticket.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I had no idea how to sell high ticket, I was just doing it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: So I was doing everything without a coach, which would make it even scarier because coaches literally are godsends.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Mentors are like, if you can get a good coach, oh my God.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: 2020 rolls around.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, fuck it, let's move, man.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: We've always wanted to move.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all know the rest of the story if you've been around for a while.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I did.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I hired my first coach and I started diving into money work.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I paid seven grand and learned what I needed to do to start making 40k months.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, that's not enough either.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Where's the millions?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want the millions.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I want to be somebody, I want to say that I've paid a hundred thousand dollars for coaching because in my industry, people they flex that shit.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's people pay a million dollars, they wire over a million dollars for coaches.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, that's what successful people do.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be successful, so I'm gonna do that too, right?
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to be in the magazines, I need to have a podcast, I need to be famous.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I need to be, I thought being famous, being seen, being the being, if I was perfect enough, then the money would be there, right?
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I did, I made millions of dollars, got a two million.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: The whole time I was just freaking the fuck out, freaking out.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: What do I do?
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm putting money back into the business.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going so fucking fast, way more than my body could hold.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then the house caught on fire and it's like done with that.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Almost died.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then you have a near-death experience.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then you move across country and you just start feeling.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And this was when plant medicine entered my life, was right before it was way before the fire.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: The plant medicine entered my life after my first$90,000 month.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was about 36 years old, 35, 36.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I felt just something deeper.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: I felt something, there was something more.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like there's something more here.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I found plant medicine.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I did ayahuasca.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And after that, it it completely shifted everything.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: It changed my brain chemistry.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: One thing led to the next.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so I went into this thing year after year, going deeper and deeper into spiritualism.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I even went into spiritual bypassing where you get into like all the feminine work and the spiritualism and everything feels so good.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And where you get to a place where you're like, if I'm good enough, then I can just pray and think about it and I'm gonna be provided for.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started getting real resentful.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I still have to show up and I still have to do sales.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm that good and I'm that magnetic, she should just pay me.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I shouldn't have to reach out and do sales, right?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I started getting resentful.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: So what happens when women get resentful?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: We burn shit down, we fuck shit up.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: We literally want everybody to feel our pain and we slash shit.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: We just go in and slash shit, right?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're freaking out, hello, dysregulation, just all the things.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so I tore that company down and I'm like, we're gonna do low ticket because I'm tired of talking to bitches and trying to sell them into wanting to change their life.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: So low tickets the way to go.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: All my team that helped me get here, letting y'all go too, and everything.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: There I went, down the shitter, fucking$400,000 in debt,$100,000 tax liens.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Can we buy groceries?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: It was fucking holy shit, you can imagine, right?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And years go by, and I pay a couple hundred thousand of the debt off, and I just feel more and more fucking dead inside, literally, more and more fucking dead inside.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Battle with suicide a couple of times.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the meanwhile, I'm showing up online, okay, still showing up online, still doing all this stuff and leading the best that I know how.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And in all that, to get to a point where we started to bring in the regulation tools.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank God, Holly Hot Body.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: We started bringing in this stuff.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I started the rebuild.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I started 2026 was the rebuild.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: I started bringing back core members of my team that I let go that still believed in me and still wanted to be here.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: We brought back the old school funnel.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: We brought back hot moms, we brought back high-ticket coaching, which is where my heart's always been.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And we brought it back in steady, but I had to sit with the other shit.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: I had to sit with everything I'd always fucking ran from, right?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I had an epiphany that was just, I don't even know how it happened.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was sitting at the kitchen table and I was just doing my thing where I talk out loud, I ask questions, I'm journaling in the work, and it was just clear as day.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I also believe that when you pray or when you declare or when you ask for things, you're going to get an answer.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: May not be what you want.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It may not be more wisdom, but that's what I got.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of times that's how it shows up is more wisdom.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was sitting there and something I just felt like to go and start looking at my relationship with money.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'd never worked on, you hear it all the time, and you're like, okay, yeah, I believe I'm worthy of receiving.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Work is worthy of massive compensation.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Gratitude is the way more is coming in than going out.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Who literally knows this shit?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm saying?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But I never really looked at my relationship with money because back then I couldn't hear it.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Back then I didn't have the emotional intelligence and I wasn't ready to address this.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what happens.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And not until you're ready to address it is it actually going to, you're going to receive it.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I started pulling back layers.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Turns out, it turns out that I had an anxious and y'all know attachment styles, right?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Anxious avoidant, anxious attachment style.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You got secure attachment with people.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Usually attachment styles are taught with humans.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it with money.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was an anxious avoidant.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you what that is in a second.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, okay, relationship-wise, I'm starting to clear the resentment charge.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're going to do today.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had so much resentment where you resent how much things cost.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: You resent how fucking hard you've worked and you're like in more debt than ever.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: How hard you've worked and you're still only where you're at.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: How you resent the parents that you were born with.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: You were because if you weren't born with the parents, then you wouldn't, you'd have a different life.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was eat up with resentment.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And what I will never forget when I worked with a very powerful shaman medicine woman, I go to her house and she sits me down and she goes, Here, this is for you.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's this weird heart card.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I can show it to you.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I took a picture of it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it said something about abundance and heart, something it can't come through when the heart's full of resentment.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, What?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was always so afraid of getting cancer because usually cancer comes from long-standing resentments and stuffed emotions and all this stuff.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying if you get cancer, if we get cancer, it's our fault because we didn't clear up enough resentment.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck that too, right?
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: But I've always just had this thing and resentment was there.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: And even when I had a big ayahuasca journey, I remember that part of me that was like that woman who wants to blame everything and is miserable and all that.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: She definitely kind of died.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So what I but I sat with this resentment and I started doing the clearing that I'm going to give you the tool for.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not going to be easy for you.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to, you're going to put it off.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to get busy and you're going to, I need to make the time for it.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you're just going to keep putting it off.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: But the faster you can get to it and sit and do this resentment with Holly, the faster you're going to shift.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And looking back at the year I had the most financial success, it was when I was doing upwards of two per day.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I look back at my old things and I had thousands of charges cleared.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine right now in your body, knowing that whatever you're afraid of, like if there's fear anxiety, if there's resentment, if there's doubt, that all you got to do is go do this clearing and you literally come out a different person.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Would you do it?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: It changed everything for me, but it was like, but you gotta do it.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta, you can't sleep on it because if you stop doing it, it's like it gets cloudy, it gets fuzzy again, you start kind of making some fucked up decisions.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: But you just get super clear with doing it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I cleared this and it all just came out.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: And dude, the entanglement I had around I had my money relationship.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't with money.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Get this, and this is where it's gonna, we're gonna cover this.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: How money is for you right now in your life is nothing more than a mirror of your provider relationship with your father.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you didn't have a father or whatever he was, we're gonna I'm gonna give you an example of that.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Pretty much resentment today is blocking your money.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a strategy or anything like that.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: You could have the best strategy and you can make the most money.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: But if underneath you're scared of something bad happening or you're one thing away from feeling like you're gonna lose it all, or and I have y'all, I've worked with people who make five grand a month and people who make five million a month, and they still have similar energies, and energy is an energy.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it and until you look at it and you work with it, it's going to own you.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna own you.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: So don't think you're safe, just money's gonna protect you.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: You got you're gonna do this.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about your father.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if he was a godly man and perfect in your eyes.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to, I want you to think about how he was just in energy, not with money.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: How he was with money is a whole different story, but how he was.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Mine was unreliable.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Emotionally, he was unreliable.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Period.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: If I ever needed him, if some shit went down, I could definitely count on him to kill somebody and go to prison because they've definitely done that in my family.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: But unreliable.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: I could never count on what mood he was going to be in.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: He was very controlling, very controlling.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like how my dad was that day was the energy of the whole house.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: How my mom responded, how he she reacted, how I needed to act as a child.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Withholding, definitely.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's like if I didn't perform perfect, if I wasn't his, if I didn't speak correctly, if I said a bad word or anything, he would withhold approval, love, all that shit.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Definitely withheld emotional.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I only got one hug from my dad growing up.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So he didn't do that.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: He grew up with those boomer, he's a boomer, boomer parents.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: He's just they don't hug their boys, kind of thing.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I grew up, I think I got one hug maybe.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Punishing.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, my dad punished.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I got beaten with belts.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: He believed hardcore in punishing.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: He'd tell me I had it easy.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: His dad used to bloody his nose and hold him down and beat the shit out of him.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh my God.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: So my dad was very punishing.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when he I would have my own car, own phone, he'd take everything away from me if I didn't do exactly what he said.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Little things, even if it was like emotionally fucking wrong and I there was something bad, somebody did something to me.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: If I didn't respond the way he did, or if I wasn't quiet when he wanted me to be quiet, I would get in trouble.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Demanding, he was very demanding.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: We everybody had to please my father, okay.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: Conditional, 100%.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: My household was definitely conditional.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: If the conditions were right, if the circumstances were right, if whatever happened in their life was good that day, then everybody was happy, okay?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And powerful, my dad was the almighty.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: He ran the house, he was the head of the household.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: We grew up very religious, so he was the man of the house and blah blah blah, all this shit.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rejecting, oh my God, he rejected everybody and everything and every form.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you were not, I can't even tell you.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: They used to just sit around and talk about people at our table.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's all they did.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And just everything was heavy with him.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: When it came with anything that was, unless he was stoned laughing, everything was heavy.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Money was heavy, his job was heavy, the relationship, it was just real heavy, especially just in the household.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was always just heaviness.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: We come from farmers.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was just you work your ass off, you survive, and then you pray and you do good things by quote, God, whatever God they were believing in, because sure wasn't the one that we know and I know today that if you'll just do that, you'll go to heaven once you die.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: But you gotta work and you gotta not, you gotta just be humble and live in this way in simplicity.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you die, you can actually have it good.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was just horrible to grow up that way, right?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: That was my that's how I knew my dad.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not forget he burned our house for insurance money growing up.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you can imagine when my house actually did burn what that brought up.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because then it brought up all these old memories where my dad would, I remember I this was all kept in my subconscious until our fire.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember what did I do to cause this?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Is it karmatic because my dad did this?
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then I remember dreaming one night I was a little girl and it was real.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: He walked me through the house and made me pick out the toys I wanted to keep.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, that's why he did that, because he burned our house.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, not to mention, I came in with my uncle just had gotten killed in a car accident.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I grew up with my grandparents having some money because they sued the trucking company that killed him.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: They got a million or whatever.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then my mom grew up saying about that, how much money they got when he died.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so all I knew was if you had money, it came from trauma, it came from tragedy, and it came from doing wrong things, like to the point of burning your fucking house down.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you can imagine the relationship I had with money to me was unreliable.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Money was it controlled my energy that day.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: It controlled my presence, my mood, my freedom, my body care.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like it was withholding.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like everything when I needed the most was holding back from me.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was punished constantly.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: If I, because I made bad decisions, that's why I feel this way.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because I made the wrong decision.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: If I would have just made a different decision, then I wouldn't fucking be struggling still and thinking I need 10 million fucking dollars.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Conditional, 100%.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Only when there's enough money and everything's paid off can I enjoy myself, is what I thought.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Money was always more powerful than me, way bigger than me.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: It got to decide if I was safe or successful.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Heaviness, money's always been what carried debt, taxes, shame, pressure, and survival.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And when it wasn't there, I felt rejected on a core level.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I wasn't good enough that I people aren't choosing me.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: So is this blowing your fucking mind?