Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Reclaiming Your Power, Redefining Success & Breaking Free from Self-Doubt with Dr. Audrey Schnell

Transcript

Reclaiming Your Power, Redefining Success & Breaking Free from Self-Doubt with Dr. Audrey Schnell · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:00
  Some very smart monk said, you know, if you can't meditate for
• 0:05
  an hour, you're too busy. Meditate for 30 minutes.
• 0:09
  You're too busy to meditate for 30 minutes.
• 0:12
  Meditate for 15. You're too busy for 15, meditate
• 0:16
  for five. If you're too busy to meditate
• 0:18
  for 5 minutes, meditate for an hour.
• 0:23
  I love that like the bottom line is make room for you, but.
• 0:29
  The busier you are, the more you need it.
• 0:32
  And we do the exact opposite, don't we?
• 0:35
  Guilty as charged, you know. And so, yeah, it's something
• 0:41
  that I really, and, and I'm going to stage right now where I
• 0:47
  really am. Only took me 68 years to be so
• 0:53
  conscious of this. And I'm changing years to
• 0:56
  levels. I'm now at the 68th level.
• 0:58
  I like that so much better than years.
• 1:01
  Yeah, where I'm so aware of this and how I have to force myself,
• 1:09
  literally force myself, discipline myself to take care
• 1:16
  of myself. Hello and welcome to The Field
• 1:19
  Podcast. I'm here with a new friend
• 1:21
  today, and she has such a fascinating background and her
• 1:26
  study of people and what motivates them to do the things
• 1:30
  they do and how she connects emotional health and our
• 1:35
  financial choices and all of that coming together is going to
• 1:40
  be such a fascinating way to talk through our talking points
• 1:43
  today with Doctor Audrey Schnell.
• 1:46
  She describes herself as smart, quirky, kind, funny, nerdy, fun
• 1:54
  and caring. Doctor.
• 1:57
  Welcome to the Field podcast. Thank you so much, Melissa.
• 2:00
  I'm excited to be here. I'm excited we finally did.
• 2:05
  We tried to do this. Boy, I might.
• 2:07
  I'm so thankful to my guests who are so patient.
• 2:10
  I've had the very fortunate problem of having a backlog of
• 2:16
  guest, which as a podcast guest, you were always grateful for.
• 2:19
  The challenge is keeping them interested.
• 2:22
  Hang on, we're going to get you out there, I promise.
• 2:25
  And Doctor Schnell has stayed with me, so I'm so excited to
• 2:29
  share her today. Let's get right into it.
• 2:34
  Let's talk about your journey with self-care and how you see
• 2:41
  this connected. As you.
• 2:44
  Are operating in your work and the choices people make.
• 2:49
  God, why do you know if basic human psychology, you know,
• 2:54
  we're we we're we're driven by, you know, urgency and consequent
• 3:02
  immediate consequences. So as we all know, what's the
• 3:06
  first thing that falls off when we're busy?
• 3:11
  And I say to myself, I even in my older retired clients,
• 3:16
  self-care, self-care goes like out the window the minute, you
• 3:21
  know, things get busy or hectic. Why?
• 3:24
  Because the consequences are not necessarily immediate and the
• 3:29
  competition consequences are often immediate.
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  And I've struggled this with this forever.
• 3:37
  And my clients, everybody I know struggles with it.
• 3:41
  And the sad part is it's, it's and you know this, we don't
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  always do what we know. When life gets busy is exactly
• 3:51
  when we need self-care the most. And I, I don't remember and I'm
• 3:57
  not going to quote this exactly, but some very smart monk said,
• 4:03
  you know, if you can't meditate for an hour, you're too busy.
• 4:07
  Meditate for 30 minutes, You're too busy to meditate for 30
• 4:11
  minutes, meditate for 15, you're too busy for 15, meditate for
• 4:16
  five. If you're too busy to meditate
• 4:18
  for 5 minutes, meditate for an hour.
• 4:23
  I love that like the bottom line is make room for you, but.
• 4:28
  The busier you are, the more you need it.
• 4:32
  And we do the exact opposite, don't we?
• 4:35
  Guilty as charged, you know. And so, yeah, it's something
• 4:41
  that I really, and, and I'm in a stage right now where I really
• 4:48
  am. Only took me 68 years to be so
• 4:53
  conscious of this and I'm changing years to levels.
• 4:56
  I'm now at the 68th level. I like that so much better than
• 4:59
  years where I'm so aware of this and how I have to force myself,
• 5:09
  literally force myself, discipline myself to take care
• 5:15
  of myself and do the things. Yeah.
• 5:19
  For the longest time, I prided myself on being, oh, I'm low
• 5:22
  maintenance. Well, I, my new goal is to be
• 5:25
  high maintenance. I think don't tell my husband
• 5:29
  because it's, it's when we need it.
• 5:31
  But you know, I've, I've regretted it.
• 5:34
  So, oh God, I stopped going to the gym, you know, because work
• 5:37
  got busy. What happens two years later,
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  it's like, Oh my God, you know, I'm, I'm out of shape again.
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  I this, I'm that. And so it's, it's just so
• 5:51
  critical for us to and really understand what self-care is.
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  You know, self-care isn't, I'm too busy, so I'm going to order
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  pizza. Self-care is I'm going to feed
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  myself in a way that supports me, not what's convenient or
• 6:11
  easy or fast. Yeah.
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  One thing oddly enough, I've always been really good about
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  because the consequences are so immediate is sleep.
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  I really guard my bedtime. Just I, I and I don't even get
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  laughed at anymore because I'm in bed by somewhere between 8:00
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  and 9:00 and then typically up at 5:00, which just works for
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  me. And but everything else, food is
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  pretty good most of the time. You know, one would hope so.
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  But since I coach health and Wellness as well.
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  But movement, exercise, hydration, you know all the
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  things we know to do but we don't do.
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  Yes. I love how you talked about the
• 7:00
  fact that the busier we are, the more we need it and how we do
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  the opposite now. Yeah.
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  And how we do the opposite. That's so important.
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  Like it's more important for me to make sure my cup is filled.
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  It's more important for me to fuel my body in a healthy way
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  that's going to help sustain this level of activity.
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  It's more important for me to get the quality sleep so that
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  I'm well rested, fresh present. Yeah.
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  And, and we need to think in those terms of, of how we, we
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  care for ourselves, you know, and not take just the, you know,
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  and we live, we live busy lives. All of the things around us
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  sprung up for convenience. Why do we have microwaves?
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  You know, why do we have very, why do we even have tea bags?
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  I read somewhere tea bags were invented so that tea long ago in
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  England, so that tea could be made during commercials when TV
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  started or radio started. So it didn't take so long to
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  make tea. And I thought, Oh yeah,
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  somebody, somebody saw a niche, you know, somebody saw a need
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  and invented tea bags. Yeah.
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  And now it's so much more common than loose leaf tea.
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  Loose leaf tea now seems like an indulgence, you know, like, oh,
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  that's for special occasions or something.
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  So we really need to remember and build our environment to
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  support us so that we have so we take care of ourselves.
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  I mean, I'll tell some of my clients who are health and
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  Wellness coaches themselves, like if you can't, if you don't
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  have time to cook right now, get, you know, one of the I, I'm
• 8:55
  too rural to get meals delivered.
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  But there are all sorts of companies that have sprung up to
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  build that niche of people who are too busy to cook or shop or
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  whatever. So it's, it's just more
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  important than ever to care for ourselves and to see how are we,
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  quote UN quote, caring for ourselves in a way that doesn't
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  necessarily really truly support us.
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  And I'm going to say something now that might be a little
• 9:28
  heresy, but, you know, it shocks me when I watch TV how much
• 9:39
  alcohol drinking is so normalized.
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  I mean, you're watching these shows and people are pulling out
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  whiskey bottles from their best Brewers during, you know,
• 9:48
  meetings. I'm like, when when did we
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  normalize this? You know, everything is comfort,
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  self medicating really. I'm fascinated by how much we've
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  normalized. And I'm not anti alcohol,
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  although I guess I am a little bit anti alcohol because it's
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  really not that good for you. But it's just so normalized in
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  this country and in many countries.
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  But you know, have a glass, you're stressed, have a glass of
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  wine. You need to be more conscious,
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  make better conscious decisions about how we care for ourselves.
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  Connection. What's the other thing that is
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  self-care but gets thrown away when we're busy is connecting
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  with others with our family or friends.
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  You know, we can go and I'm really like I said, we're I can
• 10:43
  go weeks without except for Zoom seeing anybody except my
• 10:47
  husband. Yeah, yeah, this goes really
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  nicely into healthy boundaries because I think when when going
• 10:56
  back to the alcohol piece, think about the why you're having it.
• 11:00
  Is this to oh, I've had a hard day.
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  I mean, I know what you mean. I like, you watch ATV show a
• 11:06
  series, a movie, whatever it is, and they're all pulling out
• 11:08
  these bottles of Scotch. I'm like, who the heck has a
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  bottle of Scotch just randomly at their desk all the time?
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  And I'm like, and it's that's even encouraged or allowed or
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  just, yeah, you know, the wine after while you're cooking
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  dinner every night and one glass turns into two glass turns into
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  three glass. And it's it's that thing of
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  like, I'm all for enjoying a glass when the Y is like we're
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  gathering, we're celebrating. It's the holidays.
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  It goes well with my meal. But to sue, but not for numbing
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  and coping. And there's so many ways we we
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  numb and we just have to be aware of it.
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  And sometimes we need, you know, sometimes we need to numb, you
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  know, we can't stay in pain all the time, but we need to be so
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  aware when it's a pattern, when it doesn't serve us.
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  Yeah. And.
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  You know, since I deal with health and wealth a lot, I see
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  how we, you know, you, it's hard.
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  And I said, OK, I want you to have a celebration without, but
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  without food and alcohol. They really don't.
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  They really don't. It's so true cultural, you know?
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  But birthday cakes, even, you know, the Jewish holidays is
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  wine. Yeah, but we just need to be so
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  much more conscious of it. An intentional thing.
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  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that you also have a very
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  healthy boundary around your sleep.
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  Yeah. What talk about?
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  When did you realize how important that was for you?
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  I will tell you when way back in my 20s when I graduated and
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  started seeing clients when I was a psychotherapist, I
• 13:03
  realized I couldn't stay out till 3:00 in the morning.
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  And how I saw it in my 20s, have someone's life in my hands the
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  next morning, you know, with no sleep.
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  And I, I just don't function well.
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  I truly have never functioned well without sleep.
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  I can't think I'm grazed, I don't feel good.
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  So it really was. The consequences for me were so
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  immediate even early on that I prioritized sleeping.
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  And I'm like nobody who knows me calls me after 7:00 at night.
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  They can call me 5 in the morning no problem, but nobody
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  calls me. He calls me after.
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  Like I usually even after six they don't call me.
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  Yeah. I'm just religious about you
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  have to be like bleeding out on the floor for for me to stare.
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  Oh, I love that. So it's such a healthy boundary.
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  I love that so much. Mental, emotional, physical,
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  spiritual, financial health. That's a big part of the work
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  you do. Talk to me about.
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  Yeah, they're all so interconnected.
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  You understand that so intuitively.
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  Talk to me about you deciding to go down that road and what you
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  how you decided. These were the questions that
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  people need to be asking. You know, I don't know honestly
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  that I ever really consciously decided, OK, I, I, I, I really,
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  it whether it was divine intervention or luck or what I
• 14:43
  really, I remember thinking like way back in school when I
• 14:47
  majored in psychology. Oh, this is interesting.
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  This, I'm curious about this, this kind of comes naturally to
• 14:53
  me. And then, you know, I got more
• 14:57
  into research. I've always been interested in
• 15:00
  health and people and change and behavior, and I did a lot of
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  research and then came full sort of circle back to coaching,
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  which kind of put everything back together.
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  So I don't know that I actually ever made a real, like,
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  conscious decision. I'm sure at different points I
• 15:22
  must have done something consciously, but I also think I
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  just sort of either got lucky or fell into it.
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  Yeah, yeah. What do you, what have you
• 15:32
  learned about yourself and these connections?
• 15:35
  How do you see it showing up within you?
• 15:37
  Oh. Gosh, yeah.
• 15:41
  Do we have a few hours? It's well, I can tell you as an
• 15:47
  entrepreneur that pretty much starting your own business, it
• 15:51
  is the personal growth class you didn't know you signed up for.
• 15:55
  Nothing will like make you grow and look at yourself and point
• 16:00
  out, hey, why am I doing this? It doesn't really work for me
• 16:05
  more than having your own business, which, you know, ties
• 16:08
  the emotional, the physical, the financial, all those pieces
• 16:14
  together, relationships and boundaries are so important.
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  And it's not just, you know, saying, it's not just saying no
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  to doing things you don't want to do.
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  It's those. And it really starts with the
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  internal boundaries. And I talked about this
• 16:38
  yesterday in one of my groups that I lead that when we don't
• 16:45
  be in touch with our values is is more important than habits or
• 16:55
  schedules or anything. Because when we can really tune
• 17:00
  into our values and use those to help drive, Like if I really
• 17:07
  value health and I'm driving through McDonald's and I go, oh,
• 17:13
  I don't feel good about this. Hey, what if somebody sees me
• 17:19
  be, this isn't who I want to be? It's just so much easier to get
• 17:26
  out of the drive through. You know, it's like people say,
• 17:29
  you know, Gee, I wanted, you know, develop these habits more.
• 17:33
  I think it's habits are hard. It's so much easier to focus on
• 17:39
  identity. You know, an extreme example,
• 17:45
  you know, do you? When you walk into a store, do
• 17:48
  you have to control yourself and stop yourself from stealing?
• 17:52
  No, you're not a thief. You know you're not a thief.
• 17:55
  It's not like you have to put effort into it, right?
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  Why? Because I don't identify with
• 18:01
  being. That's not my values.
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  So when we can connect the dots. A.
• 18:07
  Little things become easier. I really like that values
• 18:13
  instead of habits. Way.
• 18:17
  And in this day and age, I think we need values and we need
• 18:20
  systems, some isolated habits. Life is so complicated these
• 18:27
  days. Information overload, schedules,
• 18:33
  and you name it. Decision making is so hard that
• 18:38
  we need all the things that make life simpler.
• 18:42
  You know, it's like that, that thing about the Apple guy who
• 18:46
  always wore black turtlenecks and khaki pants or whatever.
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  No decision making there. Systems that and and minimizing
• 18:53
  decision making boundaries help with that.
• 18:56
  If I have a budget for my time, I have a budget for my finances.
• 19:02
  If I have things automated, all of that becomes so much easier.
• 19:08
  Yeah, yeah. And our values help us decide
• 19:12
  where those boundaries need to live.
• 19:14
  Right, right. And, and it's, and success at
• 19:19
  this stage is so much more about what we say no to than what we
• 19:25
  say yes to. And then I didn't, you know,
• 19:28
  people will say, well, if you don't want to do it, say no.
• 19:31
  Saying no to things I don't want to do is super easy.
• 19:34
  They know to things that sound good and sound like, oh, I'd
• 19:39
  love to do that, but it doesn't really fit with my goals or
• 19:43
  what's important. Right now is a hell of a lot
• 19:47
  harder. Yeah, absolutely.
• 19:50
  Because I mean to talk about all the time, there's all kinds of
• 19:53
  good things out there. It doesn't mean they're all for
• 19:55
  us. And we have to like really stop
• 19:57
  and consider this is the line with where I'm at right now.
• 20:00
  Do I have the capacity for it? Because whatever you say yes to,
• 20:04
  you're saying no to something else.
• 20:06
  Right, and vice versa. And so really the simpler we can
• 20:11
  make our, our lives. And again, it's values.
• 20:14
  I mean, I live on a homestead. So life is not particularly
• 20:18
  simple Saturday splitting wood, which most people don't do, but
• 20:25
  it, it's, it's a choice, you know, that is the lifestyle that
• 20:29
  I want and supports me in other ways.
• 20:32
  So, but other things, you know, are, you know, I will simplify
• 20:38
  and I, you know, I won't spend a lot of time, I don't know, doing
• 20:44
  whatever. But it, it really comes to
• 20:47
  understanding our values and then sticking to those,
• 20:51
  especially internal boundaries. What do I say no to?
• 20:56
  How do I stand up for myself? How do I support myself?
• 21:02
  What? Where do you know, where am I
• 21:05
  being the victim? Where am I being the abuser
• 21:08
  versus, you know, living with my values, living as a creator, not
• 21:15
  in, you know, flipping from one to the other.
• 21:20
  We should, you know, 100% of the time, no, but we keep going for
• 21:28
  who we want to be. Right.
• 21:30
  Right. North Star or GPS, who do I want
• 21:33
  to be in this situation? But and when we have that, all
• 21:36
  the decisions tend to be easier. Yeah, yeah, does.
• 21:41
  This fit with my values. Does this fit with And
• 21:44
  sometimes, you know, starting out, we rules help simplify
• 21:49
  things. You know when we're.
• 21:50
  Learning. Or so we don't have to make
• 21:52
  decisions, You know, Should I have chocolate cake tonight?
• 21:55
  No. I have a rule.
• 21:56
  No, you know, no desserts right now until I reach and I go away
• 22:01
  or something like that. Then we can focus more on.
• 22:04
  OK, let me use some judgment here.
• 22:06
  Is this good for me right now or not?
• 22:07
  But rules look both ways before we cross the street.
• 22:13
  Yeah. Help me when we're learning and
• 22:17
  this. OK, so this is a real tangent
• 22:19
  here. So stop me when I get too far.
• 22:22
  Off the track. OK, OK.
• 22:25
  But this has come up so many times lately.
• 22:29
  You know, trauma's a hot topic right now.
• 22:31
  Everybody's talking about trauma.
• 22:34
  And there is definitely 911 trauma, physical abuse, sexual
• 22:39
  abuse, betrayal, all sorts of, you know, disasters.
• 22:45
  But there are also things that were traumatic for us as a kid.
• 22:51
  You know, I was five years old and my mom forgot to pick me up
• 22:56
  from daycare. I had, I'll give you another
• 23:01
  example. I had a client who was in her
• 23:05
  70s, very accomplished healer in many, many modalities, and she
• 23:13
  was hungry. I'm hungry.
• 23:14
  Originally had a little bit of an accent, but she was afraid to
• 23:24
  make videos and have video courses online, which she would
• 23:29
  have been super successful at because she was very, very
• 23:32
  knowledgeable because of her accent.
• 23:35
  And I'm like, I usually have a little bit of trouble with
• 23:39
  people's accents, but I don't have any trouble with yours is
• 23:43
  what I said to her. And she said, well, you know,
• 23:46
  and, and then she just started, she went, you know, when I first
• 23:48
  came to this country in my 20s and I was a waitress and I was
• 23:54
  waiting on this woman and she heard me talk.
• 23:56
  And she said, I'll go back to where you came from.
• 24:00
  Oh wow. And and that one episode, which
• 24:06
  most of us would not even consider necessarily traumatic,
• 24:13
  was having various consequences all through her life.
• 24:18
  Yeah. Because working with another
• 24:21
  client, not just a different scenario, but she's like, oh,
• 24:26
  well, you know, I should have known what to do.
• 24:28
  I'm like, you were seven years old, right?
• 24:32
  What to do? You know, you look back with
• 24:35
  adult eyes and it doesn't seem traumatic.
• 24:39
  It doesn't seem like a big deal. And we forget that what our two
• 24:45
  year old, 3 year old, 7 year old, 15 year old rain was like,
• 24:52
  it was very different. And those I think are also the
• 24:58
  traumas we we have to understand and we don't always recognize
• 25:05
  it. And it comes back either in in
• 25:13
  holding ourselves back from something or physical ailments
• 25:16
  even or beliefs that are like, where did that come from?
• 25:20
  You know? Yeah.
• 25:22
  And and it. So again, I got a little off
• 25:26
  track here, but it does it promise influence And these
• 25:29
  mini. Yeah, I don't even want to call
• 25:32
  them mini traumas. They're just things that were
• 25:34
  traumatic for us that don't seem like they we're traumatic, which
• 25:41
  they influence us. And that affects our health, our
• 25:45
  emotions, our goals, our finances, all of that.
• 25:50
  Yeah, yeah. It's all connected.
• 25:54
  It really is all connected. And we have to.
• 25:58
  We have to look and we have to learn how to ask for help
• 26:04
  because we don't see what we don't see.
• 26:07
  Right. And it's that getting curious
• 26:09
  rather than judgmental piece that really helped me in when I
• 26:13
  started doing my work, you know, replacing that like, oh, you
• 26:16
  know, 18 year old me, when I made that decision or stayed in
• 26:20
  that relationship, this is where I was at the time.
• 26:23
  This is who was influencing me. This is what I've been taught.
• 26:26
  So yeah, it makes sense that that's what happened.
• 26:29
  I learned from it. I got out of it.
• 26:31
  But but replacing that. But we, we, we tend to minimize
• 26:35
  and compare rather just like every, we're all built
• 26:39
  differently. And, you know, going back to
• 26:41
  your, your patient, you know, she was new to the country.
• 26:45
  She was probably scared. And that, that thing was like,
• 26:49
  oh gosh. Because we're all looking for
• 26:51
  that place to connect and belong.
• 26:53
  And that's yeah. And that very, you know, unkind
• 26:58
  comment, really, really what hit her at a vulnerable moment.
• 27:04
  And it stayed. With her.
• 27:05
  You. Know and and we're so
• 27:09
  conditioned probably because it's children or culturally that
• 27:17
  when we do something wrong, we go into punishment mode self
• 27:24
  abuse. Why did I do that?
• 27:27
  I'm stupid, I'm not smart enough.
• 27:31
  I have no discipline. What's wrong with me?
• 27:34
  I'm this, I'm that and we go to punishment, which looks like
• 27:38
  self abuse versus solution versus what?
• 27:46
  How do I what do I do differently?
• 27:48
  How do I fix this? What needs to happen to, you
• 27:51
  know, not not buy everything I see on Black Friday?
• 27:58
  Yeah, well, they create this identity around it rather than
• 28:02
  like, oh, that was a misstep. How do I move forward?
• 28:05
  But yes, but I think yeah, like because there was so many things
• 28:08
  are so moralized as little kids, like this is good, this is bad.
• 28:14
  And and we instead of just teaching us how to navigate hard
• 28:18
  emotions and well, that wasn't the best decision.
• 28:21
  What are we going to learn from that?
• 28:23
  Exactly and because, you know, psych one O 1, we don't like
• 28:29
  mysteries, we like certainty. Like no, we don't want the
• 28:35
  unknown. So we we do two things that
• 28:38
  don't always serve us. One, we predict the future from
• 28:43
  the past because that's the day that we think we have.
• 28:47
  And we often come to the wrong conclusions so that we look at
• 28:53
  our behavior and go, oh, I need to explain this behavior.
• 29:00
  And so we make inclusions that look like, oh, I'm stupid.
• 29:07
  I that's why I did it or I was weak.
• 29:12
  That's why I did. It goes back really to that
• 29:15
  whole idea of, you know, that, that cliche.
• 29:18
  Just get your foot in the door. Yeah.
• 29:21
  That's really where that comes from.
• 29:25
  So it looks like this salesman comes to the door.
• 29:31
  You don't want to buy anything. You try to get rid of him.
• 29:35
  He gets his foot in the door somehow, and you, he pushes his
• 29:39
  way in, literally or not, and you let him in.
• 29:43
  What happens next? Oh, I let him in.
• 29:48
  I must have wanted to talk to him because I or my favorite, I
• 29:55
  slept with him. I must love him.
• 29:58
  Oh gosh, oh gosh, we. Try to explain our behavior and
• 30:02
  we we come up with the wrong conclusion because we want
• 30:06
  scrutiny. We don't like to act in ways we
• 30:08
  don't understand or that confuse us.
• 30:11
  So we make a decision when we come to a conclusion, but we
• 30:14
  sometimes we often come to the wrong conclusion.
• 30:17
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this goes really nicely
• 30:21
  into, you know, supporting ourselves and other women in
• 30:27
  living unapologetically. And what I mean by that is that
• 30:31
  that ability to be curious rather than judgmental, that
• 30:35
  ability to realize that a decision doesn't define you,
• 30:41
  that you're going to make mistakes.
• 30:42
  That ability to understand that I don't need to apologize for
• 30:46
  showing up in the room. I don't need to apologize for
• 30:49
  taking up space, for being here. I don't need to lead with I'm
• 30:54
  sorry and when somebody else is uncomfortable.
• 30:57
  But that ability should like, I call it like a humble confidence
• 31:00
  of knowing who you are and and being able to own all the pieces
• 31:05
  of that and supporting others and doing that as well.
• 31:09
  And, and, you know, we're all taught not to bread.
• 31:11
  And, and as women, I, I, I still believe there's this like you
• 31:17
  can be pretty or you can be smart, but you can't be both.
• 31:20
  Yeah. Which is such a there's so much
• 31:22
  more nuanced than that. Such bullshit.
• 31:24
  Yeah, I know. It really is.
• 31:27
  And, and I, I don't want to come up with a better word than
• 31:31
  unapologetically because it's like we don't need, I'm we work
• 31:39
  for like unhiding. We don't need that.
• 31:43
  Why we need. It's OK to be who we are, to be
• 31:49
  big, to have a voice to do any of, of that.
• 31:55
  We don't have to apologize for who we are or being who we are
• 32:00
  or what we think or and and yes, are there things that we should
• 32:06
  apologize for if we do something wrong?
• 32:08
  Yes. It doesn't mean we're not, you
• 32:12
  know, accountable, accountable or, you know, we're not
• 32:16
  empathetic, but we we don't have to stay small, unseen, have a
• 32:26
  voice, have an opinion. There's one thing that age
• 32:30
  really helps with, I think is, is feeling like you can say what
• 32:37
  you want to say. You've learned.
• 32:38
  I've learned, you know, that I pretty much often am I like, you
• 32:45
  know, I'm not not rude and I'm thoughtful.
• 32:48
  You know, I don't tend to just work things out most of the
• 32:52
  time. But, you know, still having a
• 32:56
  voice. I was so quiet up until maybe
• 33:02
  even my 60s. So right, I didn't.
• 33:06
  I never said what I thought. I didn't talk about things and
• 33:12
  now I could shoot myself. Like.
• 33:15
  I should have been talking about this stuff.
• 33:19
  Yoga, health, nutrition, all the everybody else is talking about
• 33:24
  now and making a fortune. I should have been talking about
• 33:27
  40 years ago, but I didn't. I was quiet.
• 33:31
  I didn't say what I thought. I didn't talk about what I was
• 33:33
  doing. I didn't talk about what I was
• 33:35
  thinking. It never occurred to me.
• 33:38
  Yeah, yeah. Because we didn't come up in
• 33:41
  environments where that was encouraged.
• 33:43
  We're almost taught to live like we're in.
• 33:45
  We, I, I talked to the women about this all the time.
• 33:48
  Like we as women need to quit living like we're an
• 33:52
  inconvenience, like everything that we believe in ask for need.
• 33:57
  And no, we get to be authentically exactly who we
• 34:00
  are. This is who we were created to
• 34:02
  be. And let's own it and go out and
• 34:04
  be it with kindness, with empathy, thoughtlessness, all
• 34:08
  those things. But we don't need to shrink down
• 34:10
  and be small. And if someone else is
• 34:13
  uncomfortable with how we show up, that's not our issue.
• 34:16
  That's our issue. That's their issue.
• 34:19
  We can be cognizant, we can make decisions around it.
• 34:23
  But yeah, you know, the universe will give you what you ask for.
• 34:28
  Ask for a lot. Yeah, yeah.
• 34:32
  And it's OK too. And it's good.
• 34:35
  Yeah, we're all you know. Don't ask for too much.
• 34:38
  Don't be difficult. Your soup is cold.
• 34:41
  Don't send it back. You'll embarrass everybody.
• 34:45
  Yeah, why should we take Yeah, why should we take lesser than
• 34:52
  than we are than we because I, you know, the principles I live
• 34:55
  by. You are worthy, you are valuable
• 34:57
  and you get to choose and be willing to own that.
• 35:00
  But I think you're I, I agree with you 100% on as you get
• 35:04
  older, as you have more life experience, as you navigate more
• 35:06
  things, you realize like, wait a minute, all of this space that
• 35:13
  I've been afraid to take up and have been allocating to
• 35:15
  everybody else, that was never meant for me to allocate, no.
• 35:20
  No, you, you do you get to ask for what you want.
• 35:24
  And you know, we're still in a position.
• 35:27
  I don't have kids, didn't have children, but you know, it's
• 35:31
  women are still I think expected to.
• 35:35
  I think it was. I don't remember who it was.
• 35:37
  I want to say Erica John in the fair flying years ago said it
• 35:40
  will never be a fair world until men can have babies.
• 35:44
  Yeah, that's true. Well, yeah, I mean, that goes
• 35:47
  into another expectation. I mean, I I think you and I
• 35:50
  talked about this when we met a few months ago initially, but I
• 35:54
  have three daughters and one of the I didn't get a there's a lot
• 35:57
  of things I didn't get right as a mom.
• 35:58
  But the one thing I was very clear about is you do not have
• 36:03
  to be a mom. You do not have to get married.
• 36:07
  You do not have to do these things.
• 36:10
  If you want to do them, great. But that does not define you,
• 36:15
  doesn't make you more or less valuable.
• 36:18
  You don't have to, you don't have to stay small.
• 36:21
  You don't have to only go and, and to college and major in
• 36:25
  certain things. Like go, follow whatever it is
• 36:29
  that you feel called to and honor that.
• 36:32
  Listen to that inner voice. Because we're also told not to
• 36:34
  listen to our inner voice and not to pay, Yeah, not to trust
• 36:39
  ourselves. So all of that dispelling all of
• 36:41
  that. You talked already about the
• 36:44
  importance of a, a values and how that can be such such a
• 36:50
  foundational thing to make your decisions out of.
• 36:53
  Is there anything else? I always bring this up about the
• 36:57
  importance of your values and your why and the choices you
• 37:00
  make and the way you live your life.
• 37:01
  Is there anything else you want to add to that?
• 37:03
  Is there? Was there a pivotal moment where
• 37:07
  that really became true for you? No, but you know, a little bit
• 37:13
  of the opposite. OK, well.
• 37:16
  Maybe, you know, that's the other big thing that everybody
• 37:20
  talks about, you know, know your why, as if that will drive you
• 37:27
  to do things. It's like, why do you want to
• 37:30
  lose weight? I want to be able to, you know,
• 37:34
  play with my grandkids. Know your why.
• 37:38
  I don't think for the most part that works.
• 37:41
  Yeah, it's not enough. It it.
• 37:44
  It also we are again Psych 101 human beings are not geared for
• 37:53
  pleasure. We're geared for avoiding fear
• 37:57
  rather than seeking pleasure. So one of the things I have my
• 38:02
  clients do 1st instead of visualizing the outcome they
• 38:07
  want, is visualize the outcome you don't want.
• 38:11
  Really get in touch with what's going to happen if I don't start
• 38:16
  saving money, If I don't start taking care of myself, you know?
• 38:24
  Am I going to be so huge I can't fit in an airline seat?
• 38:28
  Am I going to be homeless when I'm 70?
• 38:30
  That'll scare the shit out of you and more do stuff much more
• 38:37
  than oh, I'm just visualizing this wonderful life where I'm
• 38:42
  hiking, you know, 10 hours a day.
• 38:44
  Nope. Think about being, you know, an
• 38:47
  invalid when you're 40 and dependent on a caregiver that
• 38:53
  will make you do shit. Yeah, that's a really good
• 38:56
  point. I mean, one of the things that
• 38:58
  I've, you know, I've really kind of I've got in the last year and
• 39:00
  a half, I've really adjusted when my midlife body needed to
• 39:03
  be fueled differently and needed to move differently and needed
• 39:06
  to incorporate more, more weights into my life.
• 39:09
  And I'm like when I'm 85, I want to be able to get off the floor
• 39:13
  when I fall down. I want to be able to play with
• 39:15
  my grandkids. I don't want to be the one
• 39:17
  that's lagging behind on the family hike because I haven't
• 39:22
  taken care of myself. And that's the thing that's
• 39:25
  honestly like, that's why I do it.
• 39:27
  So I see. That is absolutely, yeah.
• 39:30
  And, and it's and it's really kind of perverse that as people,
• 39:38
  as human beings, we tend to tie together things that happen at
• 39:43
  the same time. So there are people who think
• 39:49
  vaccines caused autism because, hey, my kid had a vaccine and
• 39:54
  now they're autistic. Or I, my husband the other day I
• 39:58
  was in the hospital and now I'm sick, so it must be because of
• 40:01
  the hospital. Well, no, not necessarily versus
• 40:08
  things that we should tie together like I'm eating Donuts
• 40:14
  every day and. 20 years from now I'm going to be 60 lbs
• 40:18
  overweight and have diabetes. We need to ship out of, you
• 40:25
  know, these, these temporal things that don't go together.
• 40:28
  Yeah. To things that really influence
• 40:33
  US, and we're just not good at that.
• 40:36
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 40:37
  It goes back to what you said earlier.
• 40:39
  We're driven by that immediate rather than that long term.
• 40:42
  And it's the long term that really has the impact that we
• 40:45
  need to be more concerned about. Which is why sometimes we don't
• 40:49
  even realize. And this happens with food all
• 40:51
  the time, you know? Oh, I ate, I don't know.
• 40:55
  I drank milk yesterday. I'm fine today.
• 40:59
  I'm fine tomorrow. Three days later, I break out in
• 41:02
  a rash. I don't tie it to the milk
• 41:05
  because it it didn't happen right away.
• 41:08
  And so it's really hard to learn what our bodies need, what our
• 41:14
  minds need. You know, this happened.
• 41:16
  Somebody yelled at me two days ago.
• 41:19
  Three days later, I'm in a bad mood.
• 41:22
  And well, it didn't happen immediately.
• 41:24
  It crept up on me. Maybe I'm not tying them
• 41:27
  together when they need to go together.
• 41:30
  So we almost have to broaden our perspective when we're trying to
• 41:35
  understand ourselves and what's going on and what are the
• 41:39
  consequences. And knowledge isn't enough
• 41:42
  knowledge. We're enough, nobody would
• 41:43
  smoke, but we don't see the consequences.
• 41:47
  And so we don't tie things together.
• 41:50
  And it sadly it works against us most of the time.
• 41:54
  Yeah, it really does. It's really, that's such an
• 41:57
  important reminder of how we think about things and how we,
• 42:01
  you know, really, like, logically put stuff together,
• 42:04
  not just conveniently, like, well, this happens, so it must
• 42:07
  be this. I'm like, well, maybe not.
• 42:11
  Right. You need data.
• 42:12
  I mean they don't. I mean people study the stock
• 42:15
  market for long term trends. They don't look at just what
• 42:18
  happened yesterday. We need to do the same thing
• 42:22
  with our lives and our emotions and our health and tie things.
• 42:28
  Really look at what's together and try to convince somebody
• 42:32
  that it it wasn't the hospital that made you sick.
• 42:38
  Yes, like you were on a plane 2 days ago.
• 42:42
  Chances are it was the airplane in the airport that gave you
• 42:46
  COVID, not the hospital yesterday.
• 42:49
  Yeah, yeah. It's human nature.
• 42:54
  It's so interesting. I mean, it's really, really
• 42:56
  screws with. Us really badly sometimes.
• 42:59
  It really does. It really does.
• 43:01
  So you are really, I think you, you are have really figured this
• 43:06
  out and you help other people figure this out too, but living
• 43:10
  out of your own expectations versus others expectations.
• 43:15
  So like what I want for my life, what feels aligned with me
• 43:19
  versus what everyone else around me is telling me I should be
• 43:23
  doing. And I think women especially
• 43:24
  struggle with this. Yeah.
• 43:27
  And it's, you know, it's such a fine line because it we need to
• 43:36
  get to the heart of what we're talking about and really be very
• 43:41
  specific. Because what we don't want is to
• 43:47
  be leaving out somebody elses expectations for us that don't
• 43:57
  that that aren't what we truly want versus sometimes people
• 44:04
  expect more from us. And that's a good thing.
• 44:07
  Because it challenges us and me, helps us to show up more healthy
• 44:14
  and and more try harder and work, you know, accomplish
• 44:17
  things we didn't know we could. Yeah.
• 44:19
  And so I think I, I want to be really precise about the
• 44:22
  language we use because that affects how we think about it.
• 44:26
  So it really is about really going a little deeper, you know,
• 44:33
  if I want to be an artist and my parents are saying, you know,
• 44:37
  oh, you'll never make any money, You'll never, you know, you
• 44:41
  won't succeed. You'll be poor.
• 44:45
  Oh, that couldn't. Well, true.
• 44:46
  It's not, you know, we don't want to ignore necessarily, but
• 44:51
  we also have to do what feels what we want and, and understand
• 44:57
  the consequences. And, and, and there's this
• 45:03
  belief that you sometimes I think we also sort of
• 45:07
  counterintuitively or counter what we've been told.
• 45:11
  You don't have to love what you do. 9:00 to 5:00 I've had
• 45:16
  clients who, God, you know, I hate my job.
• 45:19
  I want to be a writer, but I'm really not a very good writer
• 45:23
  and I can't support my friend with doing it.
• 45:25
  So I'm going to continue with my nine to five job.
• 45:30
  Well, that's OK. You don't necessarily have to
• 45:34
  love your job and feel like you failed because you're not, you
• 45:40
  know, a starving artist. Do your nine to five, pay your
• 45:44
  bills. There's a practical side to
• 45:46
  things as well. And then writing your spare
• 45:49
  time. You want to be a writer, right?
• 45:51
  But it doesn't necessarily mean that you failed.
• 45:56
  If that's not your quote UN quote full time career, well,
• 46:00
  and I think too, the things that we love don't have to be.
• 46:02
  They can be our hobbies. They can be the activities that
• 46:05
  nourish us. They can be the things that we
• 46:07
  gather around and have in commenting, connect with other
• 46:10
  people a lot. Yeah, I mean, and I'm very
• 46:13
  fortunate in that I decided very early on I was going to love
• 46:17
  what I do. That was I don't, I don't know
• 46:19
  how old I was, but I was little. So this works for me, but it's
• 46:26
  not like a hard and fast role for everybody.
• 46:29
  Yeah, and not everybody has the opportunities to pursue.
• 46:33
  There's some sometimes there's situations where they have to do
• 46:37
  this thing. And when I talk to women,
• 46:38
  they're like, this is what I got to do to support my family and
• 46:41
  feed my children and and pay the mortgage.
• 46:45
  Like, great. Where where can we find space
• 46:47
  for you in the day to fill your cup?
• 46:50
  Where that is it that is it that drive to work?
• 46:53
  Is it that, you know, time when they're at soccer practice where
• 46:56
  you can walk around the soccer field and connect with other
• 46:58
  people? I mean, so yeah, it's building a
• 47:00
  life. Yeah.
• 47:02
  Yeah. And I'm not talking about
• 47:04
  staying in the situation that's abusive or that right rules is
• 47:09
  you're suffering. I'm talking about don't feel
• 47:13
  like you have to or you're a failure if you're you don't love
• 47:20
  what you do 9:00 to 5:00. Yeah.
• 47:24
  It's not like the, it's just like, you know, money doesn't
• 47:28
  necessarily define success. What you do 9 to 5 doesn't, you
• 47:32
  know, happy wins. Yeah, and contentment, yeah.
• 47:39
  Happy, balanced, buying things you love, but it it doesn't have
• 47:45
  to follow some hard and fast rule.
• 47:48
  Yeah. And, you know, I was never going
• 47:51
  to be, you know, a basketball player or a ballerina or a model
• 47:55
  or whatever, you know, at least not genetically at this point.
• 47:59
  But it's so, yeah, who knows what you know the future will
• 48:05
  bring, but it's we. The rules don't dictate that.
• 48:13
  You're only successful if you love what you do. 9:00 to 5:00.
• 48:16
  Yeah, thank you for speaking to that because I think that is a
• 48:19
  really important and powerful like if you have choices and you
• 48:23
  get to choose. I mean, I think what I've run
• 48:25
  into, I work with, I'm advised college kids at the university
• 48:30
  here in our town and, and help women, particularly as they get
• 48:34
  ready to go out in the world, to be confident, to know they
• 48:37
  deserve to speak, have a voice, know how to talk to other
• 48:40
  people, communicate confidently, those kinds of things.
• 48:42
  Like they've got the degree, they've got the stuff like, how
• 48:45
  can we help them with these other skills so they can walk
• 48:48
  into a room in these different spaces knowing they they are
• 48:53
  have every right to be there and take up space.
• 48:55
  And when the things I talk to them about is some of them come
• 48:57
  in and they're in majors because somebody else said you should do
• 49:02
  this because this is where you will make the most money and
• 49:04
  they don't really want to do it. And so, well, then I'll talk to
• 49:07
  like, what happens if you choose this other thing?
• 49:09
  Does it still allow you to support yourself?
• 49:12
  So there's places and times, but there's also times where you're
• 49:15
  doing the work that you can do because that's what's available
• 49:18
  to you and you need to pay the bills and you need to support
• 49:22
  your family. So where within that can you
• 49:24
  make sure? And that doesn't, that means,
• 49:27
  you know, this idea we put so much, you know, that's why I
• 49:30
  always introduce my guests by their character traits, because
• 49:34
  we put so much of our identity into these titles and roles
• 49:38
  instead of being grounded in who we are.
• 49:41
  How you describe yourself, what you care about, what you value,
• 49:46
  that's where your foundational identity exists.
• 49:49
  And. And there's so many buzzwords
• 49:52
  out there, you know, well you have to follow your dreams.
• 49:55
  Well, no, you don't. You know, if you voice, you have
• 49:59
  a choice, you know, or maybe your dream looks like this.
• 50:01
  Not like, you know, not everything you want, you know.
• 50:06
  And and of course there are people who have defied the odds
• 50:10
  and done things. And yeah, we sometimes we make a
• 50:13
  choice to do things that everybody tells us we're going
• 50:16
  to fail at or we're not going to make any money or we're not
• 50:19
  going to be good at. Sometimes does that work out and
• 50:22
  we surprise everybody? Yeah, sometimes.
• 50:25
  And those are the, you know, the women we read about, you know,
• 50:31
  in the 20s and 30s or earlier, you know, who, who defied the
• 50:35
  odds or defied the norms or whatever.
• 50:38
  But those are choices. You know, if you don't do that,
• 50:42
  it doesn't mean you're a failure.
• 50:44
  Yeah, exactly. Yes, because we all yeah, we get
• 50:47
  I I thank you so much for your for your time on that.
• 50:50
  Aren't we weren't weren't meant to walk.
• 50:52
  We're all have our own version of life.
• 50:55
  We were meant to walk. We all have our own way we were
• 50:58
  designed to be. And you know, I think just
• 51:01
  connecting back to who you are and honoring that, that's where
• 51:06
  the key is. That's where the key is.
• 51:08
  And all these outer other things that the world uses to define
• 51:12
  what success is, that those are just narratives that are out
• 51:16
  there. I think we treat these things as
• 51:17
  truth rather than that's just someone's opinion.
• 51:21
  That's just someone's opinion and maybe it works for the
• 51:24
  majority people. It doesn't have to be you know
• 51:28
  what what I choose to do you know, I don't want to travel the
• 51:32
  world anymore. You know, just because I don't
• 51:35
  feel adventurous anymore doesn't mean somehow I'm I'm missing out
• 51:39
  or failure. You know, we need to stick with
• 51:43
  our values. Yes, are their cultural values.
• 51:45
  And we may fall into that. We may not fall into that.
• 51:50
  And, you know, it's and confidence is not confidence is
• 51:56
  another one of those buzzwords that, you know, you you're like
• 52:01
  imposter syndrome and we end up saw you're of course you're not
• 52:05
  confident before you do something.
• 52:07
  You're right. It's not the other way around,
• 52:12
  you know. Yeah, yeah.
• 52:15
  I'm not confident in my truck until I see what I can do, you
• 52:19
  know? Yeah, yeah, I'm confident.
• 52:22
  It can. It can go down that road.
• 52:24
  And I wasn't confident necessarily to start with.
• 52:27
  So yeah, we, we, what do I? One of my favorite little
• 52:34
  sayings is good judgment comes from experience.
• 52:37
  Experience usually comes from bad judgment.
• 52:41
  That is so true, though. I mean, that's such a true
• 52:44
  statement. Yeah, I think that that's your
• 52:47
  key take away today, folks. If you think nothing else, think
• 52:51
  about because it's so true. Thank you SO.
• 52:53
  Much for that? Oh my gosh.
• 52:56
  Not beating ourselves up, you know, and it's all you know,
• 53:02
  it's all experienced and we need to stop.
• 53:06
  OK, If, if listeners only hear one thing from today, I think
• 53:13
  the biggest take away that I want everybody to hear is that
• 53:18
  your past doesn't define your present or your future.
• 53:24
  Your future defines your present.
• 53:32
  Can I give you like a silly little example?
• 53:34
  Well, yeah, before you do that, this is beautiful.
• 53:37
  This is what embracing your layers is all about, embracing
• 53:40
  all those pieces and parts of your story.
• 53:42
  Yeah, give the example. So I I, so that's like kind of
• 53:46
  like, well, what does he what does she mean by that?
• 53:49
  So Thomas Edison, Thomas Edison is kind of famous for, you know,
• 53:56
  inventing. You know, it took him 999 light
• 54:00
  bulbs to get one that finally worked, right?
• 54:04
  It stopped at 999 and considered himself a failure.
• 54:12
  You know I'm broke. I spent all this money on these
• 54:16
  effing light bulbs. None of them work.
• 54:18
  My wife divorced me. I'm going to die penniless.
• 54:22
  I'm a failure. But because the thousand light
• 54:29
  bulb worked, now the past looks completely different.
• 54:35
  Yeah. Now the past looks like Yep I
• 54:39
  just tried 999 things that didn't work.
• 54:42
  Yeah. And you look at it as a journey
• 54:46
  rather than rather than you. Know we don't like the unknown,
• 54:51
  so we use the only data we have, which is the past to try and
• 54:57
  predict the future. Big mistake.
• 55:01
  Yeah. Decide on your future and let
• 55:06
  that define your present, not the other way around.
• 55:10
  And we look back at things and, and, and relabel them all the
• 55:15
  time. Oh that, you know, my first
• 55:18
  relationship wasn't a failure. It, you know, got me to do, you
• 55:23
  know, to buy a house, for example, on my own.
• 55:26
  So we need to reframe the past and let the future reframe the
• 55:34
  present in the past versus using the past to define the present
• 55:39
  in the future. Yeah, yeah.
• 55:42
  Thank you so much for that. That was such.
• 55:44
  That's such good insight on that.
• 55:47
  It speaks to the layers so well. Absolutely, as as you go ahead.
• 55:53
  No, I was going to say, and we are, you know, we're life is
• 55:57
  simple. People are complicated and we
• 55:59
  have to do, we have to do the work if we want we if we want to
• 56:04
  grow. If you're listening to this, you
• 56:06
  obviously value personal growth. Yeah.
• 56:10
  And so that is a value to that carries us forward.
• 56:16
  Yeah, yeah. You really embody and how you
• 56:21
  show up in the world living out what I call feel you finding
• 56:25
  empowerment, embracing layers. You live empowered.
• 56:28
  You've embraced all these, your layers and pieces and parts of
• 56:31
  your story. Talk to me about how that
• 56:34
  impacts your relationship with yourself as well as your
• 56:38
  relationship with other people. I there are the days when I am
• 56:50
  like the majority of the time I'm like, this is all grist for
• 56:56
  the mill. I'm growing.
• 56:58
  Life is great. I, I honor my values, I'm
• 57:04
  empowered. I'm everything is happening for
• 57:09
  me, not to me. And then there are the days
• 57:13
  where I'm like fuck this shit I hate everybody and everything
• 57:25
  like that's so true life sucks don't feed me this self help
• 57:30
  bullshit. I'm tired of everything and
• 57:33
  everybody and luckily those times don't last.
• 57:40
  And I someone helps to announce to my husband, I'm in a bad mood
• 57:45
  today, so stay out of my way or risk death.
• 57:50
  That helps. But you know, it's like we all
• 57:55
  shit never goes away. You know, when you fall back
• 57:59
  into old patterns, self doubt comes up.
• 58:03
  We we eat the whole thing of Ben and Jerry's, whatever it is.
• 58:08
  The the question is that did I fall off the wagon?
• 58:11
  It's how long did I stay on the ground this time?
• 58:15
  Yeah, did. I, I did 1 bad day turn into
• 58:19
  into a bad month or did one day turn into one bad day and
• 58:23
  tomorrow and I went to bed at 6:00 and I woke up feeling
• 58:26
  better. And, you know, we're getting,
• 58:30
  you know. Yeah, yeah.
• 58:34
  We're not. I love that.
• 58:35
  Perfect, you know? So.
• 58:38
  So a sense of humor, curiosity goes a long way in our
• 58:49
  relationships. I'm pretty convinced I haven't.
• 58:56
  Where's my husband? Because he can make me laugh
• 58:58
  when he's I want to kill him. I'm serious about that too, but
• 59:04
  we and so we have to recognize, you know, emotionally we are all
• 59:09
  insane. We can go from I love everybody.
• 59:14
  I'm having a great day. The world is my oyster to I I
• 59:21
  don't want to get out of bed for a month, whatever it is.
• 59:24
  You know, that's emotional nature.
• 59:26
  If you look at, you know, philosophies, yoga, for example,
• 59:31
  our emotional nature, we can't sustain intense emotions for
• 59:36
  very long there. We seesaw and we just have to
• 59:39
  understand that and we forget that.
• 59:42
  It's like, Oh my God, but I felt so good last week.
• 59:45
  Why do I feel so terrible today? I'm in a bad mood.
• 59:48
  Well, because that's our emotional nature.
• 59:51
  We have to learn to parent ourselves and that's where
• 59:54
  self-care comes in. But yeah, just to understand
• 1:00:00
  that and and laugh at ourselves, laugh at everybody else, as long
• 1:00:06
  as people you know are abusive. Yeah.
• 1:00:11
  You know, then you can laugh when they are idiots, you know?
• 1:00:19
  Yeah, absolutely. And I think that that curiosity
• 1:00:24
  and that ability to laugh, that ability to give yourself grace
• 1:00:28
  and just own that, you know, I love what you said about it's
• 1:00:32
  not about, you know, did you fall off the wagon?
• 1:00:35
  It's about how long you stayed down there and, and, and rebound
• 1:00:38
  it because that's life. That is life and nutshell.
• 1:00:42
  And going into, oh, I'm a failure, I'll never succeed.
• 1:00:47
  I what's wrong with me? There must be something wrong
• 1:00:50
  with me versus OK, this is a problem.
• 1:00:53
  How do I solve it? Yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:56
  Being solutions oriented like OK, what's the solution here?
• 1:00:59
  What's what's? The solution?
• 1:01:02
  Don't buy them in series. Yeah, well, yeah, or just yeah,
• 1:01:09
  I, I love that so much. Thank you. 5 activities that
• 1:01:15
  nourish you as we get ready to wrap up today.
• 1:01:18
  I'm. Sure.
• 1:01:20
  What? Oh, gosh.
• 1:01:24
  Let me personally, and I think it's important, very
• 1:01:27
  personalized stuff like this interaction, connecting,
• 1:01:33
  reading, doing it, being with my dogs, things I love.
• 1:01:40
  That's what nourishes me, you know?
• 1:01:42
  Yeah, my dogs, my husband being with people connecting what a
• 1:01:50
  sewing. I love to sew, I love to read.
• 1:01:53
  I love quiet time. I love to meditate.
• 1:01:56
  I love to cook. Make did a whole bunch of
• 1:01:59
  cooking the other day and, and really, you know, as a side
• 1:02:03
  note, and I was talking to a client about this, doing the
• 1:02:07
  things that I love that support me because I value health,
• 1:02:13
  physical health, you know, getting back into actions that a
• 1:02:19
  line with those values and keep me remembering that.
• 1:02:23
  So what did I do? You know, I made sauerkraut.
• 1:02:26
  I made yogurt from scratch this weekend.
• 1:02:30
  I made bone broth today. All the things that connect,
• 1:02:35
  those triggers, that connect to who I want to be and it brings
• 1:02:40
  me joy and what supports me and who I want to be.
• 1:02:46
  That's so good. We so underestimate and how
• 1:02:49
  important environment is, but yeah.
• 1:02:53
  The spaces we're in. Hot shower.
• 1:02:58
  One thing I did indulge in for Black Friday was eye makeup.
• 1:03:04
  I haven't bought makeup in years, which I don't have on
• 1:03:07
  today, by the way, but I will tomorrow.
• 1:03:11
  Yeah. Just doing things that you know,
• 1:03:14
  feel good in the short run and in the long run.
• 1:03:19
  And every once in a while do we do things that feel good in the
• 1:03:23
  short run but not in the long run.
• 1:03:26
  But that 8020 rule, as long as I'm at a healthy weight and my
• 1:03:31
  diet is good, ninety, 8090% of the time, 95% of the time a
• 1:03:38
  piece of pizza is not going to kill me.
• 1:03:40
  Yeah, absolutely, Absolutely. I love that.
• 1:03:43
  So good. 5 words on how you want to feel the next six months.
• 1:03:52
  Energetic, productive. That's a feeling.
• 1:03:59
  Happy, secure, loving. So good doctor Audrey Snell.
• 1:04:07
  I have enjoyed this conversation so much.
• 1:04:09
  I always learn so much when I talk to you.
• 1:04:12
  You're such the way you see the world and think about things.
• 1:04:16
  Always allow invites me to think about things in new and
• 1:04:19
  different ways. So absolutely tell people where
• 1:04:24
  they can find you and follow you, work with you.
• 1:04:27
  This will all. Be on our.
• 1:04:28
  Resourcespage@embracinglayers.com as well.
• 1:04:32
  Audreysnell.com website and my e-mail, Audrey at
• 1:04:37
  audreyschnellphd.com. OK, reach out.
• 1:04:41
  OK, Sounds great. Awesome.
• 1:04:44
  Any last thought that you would like to leave with our listeners
• 1:04:47
  today? Yes, ask for help more often
• 1:04:53
  than you think you need to. We don't.
• 1:04:57
  Know. Enough.
• 1:05:00
  We can't. We can't get out of our own way
• 1:05:08
  without help. We can't get out of the rabbit
• 1:05:12
  hole we went down. And when we need help the most
• 1:05:17
  is when we're least likely to ask for it.
• 1:05:21
  So be aware and be cautious and cognizant of that.
• 1:05:29
  And ask for help more often. Oh.
• 1:05:35
  That's such a great way to wrap this up.
• 1:05:37
  Take that with you listeners, apply that, share it.
• 1:05:40
  Thank you so much again for being with.
• 1:05:42
  Me today welcome. Thank you for.
• 1:05:45
  Having me Oh, absolutely. Listeners, you've got your
• 1:05:47
  you've got your walking orders. Take them with you, apply them
• 1:05:50
  to your life. Take good care of yourselves.
• 1:05:53
  And we'll see you next time here on the Field podcast.
• 1:05:57
  Hello, and thank you so much for being with us today on this
• 1:06:01
  episode of the Feel podcast. If you would like more
• 1:06:04
  information on how you can apply these talking points that I
• 1:06:09
  share with our guests in each episode to your own life, really
• 1:06:13
  utilize this Feel framework, go to embracinglayers.com, fill out
• 1:06:19
  our contact form, and let's set up a free 30 minute consultation
• 1:06:24
  to talk about how you can start being your most authentic,
• 1:06:29
  organic, healthy feel fueled life.
• 1:06:33
  Thanks again for being with us today.
• 1:06:35
  We'll be back to you soon with another episode here on the Feel
• 1:06:38
  Podcast.