Latest / Authentic Living / Riding the Wave of Resilience and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Steve Judge

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Riding the Wave of Resilience and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Steve Judge · Authentic Living

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Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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things that really matter in our lives.
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And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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Everyone, it's Roxanne Derhodge with Authentic Living with Roxanne.
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So thanks for tuning in again today.
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I have a colleague that I met.
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Should I say met or indirectly met when I saw him speak on stage in Ireland?
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At the global speakers, Federation last year, and we were able to get a time together to for
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him to come on the podcast.
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So his name is Steve judge.
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So, Steve, thanks so much for coming on today to spend some time with us.
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That's a pleasure.
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It's really nice to be here, to meet you because, yes, we were at the same event venue,
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but we didn't actually meet face to face, but it's really nice to actually meet you now.
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Face to face, we're gonna have a nice chat So I'm really looking forward to Roxanne.
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Well, obviously, I feel like I know you a bit more because I sat through your speech and and
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was limited by it.
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So, Steve, I myself as a psychologist, I've kind of seen everything in reference to the
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iteration of of resilience.
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I've Been frontline with the police as a first responder, like, when there's been traumatic
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things and see people react in differently different ways to the same event.
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So your story is quite fascinating because, of course, your keynote speaker, your resilience
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coach, and, of course, you've actually had a life experience with you've had to I'm gonna
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say I'm gonna use the word rebuild, but maybe that's not the right term.
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The space that you're in today.
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So I would like you to just start wherever you'd like in reference to, how does one end up
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being a resilience coach and what kind of what was your beginning story that kind of created
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this path for you?
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So, okay, I never know where to start.
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So let's let's go with the how did I become a resilience coach?
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I think that mainly grew during the pandemic because the word resilience was used a lot,
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who's like a buzzword.
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You need resilience to to get through the pandemic and everything.
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And I thought, oh, I know about resilience.
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I've I've I've used it, and I've, you know, I've used it, and I've push myself through it.
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And so people still were saying, well, what is it then, Steve?
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And I was like, oh, hold on a minute.
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I'm not really too sure what it is.
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And so I had to get it out of my head and put it into some kind of context, throughout my
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journey, how have I used resilience to my journey?
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I I came up with this concept of the the wave of resilience, and it is kind of a wave of
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resilience riding the wave of resilience to become a winner.
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And by taking yourself through the wave of resilience, you actually end up higher than
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where you were before if you use it the right way.
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If you go through the the, if you think about the first of all, you got the, the shock and
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then the denial, then the the anger, the sharing, the the lock button, then the
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acceptance, then the taking action and then the moving forward.
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You do all of that correctly.
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You can end up in a better place.
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So that's kind of like pushing yourself out of your zone.
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Sometimes you go through the wave of resilience, or when something drastic happens
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to you, and that could be a divorce.
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It could be a redundancy.
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It could be a death in the family, or it could even be, a life changing experience, like a
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road traffic accident, which is what I had.
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So So where do I get all of this from?
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This is from my journey, and I I did.
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I had a a road traffic accident in 2002, I was driving on the outskirts of the city that I I
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live in, and my car lost control.
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So there's water on the road.
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It skidded, a lost control, and it bashed into a pole, bent the car in half, and crushed both
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my legs.
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I was mercy dashed to the nearest hospital.
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Where they not only saved my legs, but they saved my life because I'd had I lost a lot of
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blood, been a very traumatic incident, so they really didn't know if I was gonna come out of
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the operating theater alive or dead.
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And, you know, that was that was bad for me, but it's probably equally bad or or or even
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worse to to my mom my family to receive that message that night that they might not see
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their younger son, their younger brother ever again.
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Now good news is I came out of it.
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I was alive, but, you know, looking down the hospital bed, I saw that both my legs were in a
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really bad way, and the surgeon came over to me and said, you know, we did our best.
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We managed to save your legs, but there's a good chance that you may never walk again.
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Wow.
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You know, when somebody says something like that to you, it's very much a fight or flight I
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find, as in I could have just rolled over in bed and just giving in.
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But the opposite for me was very much I felt very angry that somebody said that to me.
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They're just, you know, that I was in a good place.
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I was in hospital.
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They just fixed my legs, and then they're telling me that I might not be able to use my
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legs.
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And it kind of, like, triggers like a red rag to a bull in a way.
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And when I and and I think that's what kicks off the resilience is, first of all, you know,
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you you have the the shock, the the thing that happens to you.
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And then you you go straight into denial, as in surely not, and this can't be happening.
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And then straight after that, you have the anger.
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When you realized it actually is happening, and I was going through that.
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And but I used the anger to push myself forward you know, the the sharing that I went through
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was through tears.
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It was through talking to my family, talking to the surgeon, the nurses, but I still had some
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really low periods as well throughout that.
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As you can imagine, you know, thinking will I ever be the same again why is this happening to
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me?
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And those are really dark places, rock bottom, I would call it, as in you can't get much lower
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than that.
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But thing is is after that period of time, you come across acceptance and that I did reach.
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I don't know.
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I don't know exactly when, maybe, weeks after the accident.
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When you accept this, when I accepted the situation that I was in, I was looking at my
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legs.
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They were in a bad way.
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I've been told that I may not walk again, but I can see the positive in that that I may walk
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again.
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And it's very much asking myself question three times, and that is what more can I do?
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What more can I do?
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What more can I do?
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Now in that situation, the main thing you can do is is survival, first of all, eat food,
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breathe, you know, get to get the your your body working again, and then it's physio.
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It's rehabilitation.
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And, you know, I'm not gonna go through the whole year and a half worth of, of physio that
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I did, but I had to do a lot of things, including had a cage in my legs.
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So I had to grow my leg back.
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I had to stretch my leg out by 4 inches.
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I then had to grow the bone back within that space.
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To grow bone back.
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I did I had no idea how to do this Roxanne.
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So I I thought you just drank milk, you know, for the calcium and ate lots of cheese.
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And the surgeons are very much like, no, Mister Judge.
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You you don't just drink milk and eat cheese.
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You've got to actually stand on your leg.
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You've got to walk on your leg.
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And I was like, yes, but there's no there's no bone in my leg.
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And they said, yeah, but you gotta trust the cage.
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The the cage that's holding altogether The more walking you do, the more your bone will grow.
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I was like, okay.
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If that's what you say so and so this is me taking action now.
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And this is this is now lifting me up the other side of the wave of resilience.
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And the more action that I did, the more positive results that I saw, the more,
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endorphine, the dopamine was released.
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I felt good.
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I was doing it.
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Don't get me wrong.
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There were not bad There were many knockbacks, which took me back to rock bottom, back to
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being angry and sharing, but then I accepted the situation.
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One of those knockbacks because I picture you.
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I mean, clearly, you get up your your look down.
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You see these cages or whatever on your legs.
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Are they at the And, of course, you're gonna be like, 1st of all, where am I?
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Yeah.
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This is gonna be happening.
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You go through that whole thing.
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When you get, like, so I think it would be normal, Steve, for most of us to be angry,
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Yes.
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And and they're telling me all these things you're not understanding, and you start
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something kicks in in you that says, I can stay in the angry state or I can listen to what I'm
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gonna say guys, but men or women are saying.
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Yeah.
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And had knocked back.
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So, like, what?
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With the knock give me an example of a knockback, and I I love the term because in
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North America, we wouldn't say knocked out.
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We'd say knockout.
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What was an example of a mockback that you can kinda remember that you went, how did how did I
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do it now in retrospect?
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I think you know, I think one of the the the toughest times was a year after the accident,
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And I think when you get to 12 months a year, you it's an anniversary.
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You think, well, where where are I now?
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And I wasn't in a good place.
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I was still in a wheelchair.
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I still had a cage on my leg, and I was very frustrated that that wasn't off yet.
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And the thing is because I'd stripped my leg out.
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All my tendons were really tight, and I couldn't actually straighten my leg.
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Now without a straight leg, you can't walk properly you can't weigh bare properly.
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Your hips will be out.
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Your back will be out.
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The the consequence of having a non straight leg astronomical.
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And it's really important to get the straight leg.
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And this is what the physio was telling me.
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And I was like, yeah, I get it.
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I need a straight leg.
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So what do I need to do?
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They said, more physio.
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And I did more physio as very dedicated and committed.
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And after 3 months of, you know, plotting graphs and doing the physio and and pushing
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myself with tears in my eyes.
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Just it makes me shiver thinking the pain that I went through with that physio.
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The result was was that it didn't work, and I could not get my my my leg straight.
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And they said there is a plan b.
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And I said, well, I don't really have a choice, do I?
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What's the plan b?
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And they said, that is to have another cage on your leg.
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So you have one at the bottom and one at the top.
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Would put a bar in between them and then you use a spanner and you twist the nuts and bolts
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to slowly straighten your leg bit by bit.
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And I said, I I guess I've got no choice.
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And I went in for the operation.
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I came out.
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I had now 2 cages on my leg.
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It was like scaffolding on my leg.
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I was screaming out in pain because they'd really push my leg as straight as possible
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before they secured it.
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They gave me loads of morphine and medication to to stop the pain.
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When I got home, I I was just in such a bad place because, again, it was a year anniversary
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of where I was and where I was was was even further back.
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I felt them where I was at the beginning of the accident.
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I now had two cages on my leg.
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I was still in a wheelchair.
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I've lost all my independence.
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I was in so much pain during the day, during the night, and it's around that time Roxanne.
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I I got a letter through the post and it was from my employers, and they said, Mister Judge,
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you've been unable come back to work.
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It's now 12 months.
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I'm really sorry, but we're gonna have to end your employment.
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So that was a really, you know, in a being in a dark place, you just think things can't get any
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worse, and now it got worse.
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I now had no job.
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I had no income.
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I had nothing coming in.
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And I found and I remember writing this in my diary, which I found later on.
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I wrote the words.
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I feel that I have no purpose.
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And I think that is, like, a significant part for me.
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And I didn't jump out and and say, right.
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I'm gonna sort this out.
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I'm gonna accept the situation.
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I was in a really dark place.
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And I it was it's that time when I couldn't stop crying and the kind of crying that when,
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you you you hold it back and you breathe in, you think, no.
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I'm fine.
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I'm fine.
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And it just erupts, and you can't hold it back.
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And it's like a volcano that goes over and over again, also at the day, throughout the night,
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And I I had counted for about 3 or 4 days just constantly, but eventually on about 4th day, I
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did accept that situation.
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And and and again, I I'll go back to the anger.
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I was really angry at who I'd become because I saw myself in the mirror.
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And I didn't like who I was.
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I was unshaven.
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I was unwashed.
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I wasn't doing any physio.
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I was just a waste of space, and I hated that.
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And because I hated that, I just didn't want to be that person.
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I don't know what I was gonna do, but I didn't wanna be that person.
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So the next day I shaved, the next day I had a wash, the next day I thought, what am I gonna
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do for physio?
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And the next day, I actually took some action.
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Just bit by bit, little steps.
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And I slowly tar started, you know, twisting those nuts and bolts to get my legs straight,
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to get the cage eventually taken off after 7 weeks.
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And, yes, it did work.
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You know, the the the cage did work, and I was able to get my legs straight.
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Because my leg was straight, I could put more weight in it because I could put more weight in
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it.
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The bone grew, which meant the second cage could now come off and now had no cages on my
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leg.
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It all made sense, and I knew that in the back of my head.
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I knew that that's what I had to do.
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But making myself do all of that was the hard bit, especially at the darkest point when I got
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that that not back it was just such a horrible place to be in.
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Well, and and clearly, not clearly.
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And I I listened to this, and I'm like, my goodness.
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The suppression of the anger that you talked about, like, 4, like, that reverberation for,
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like, 4 days And if you held onto it and didn't release it, what have impacted you in a
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completely different it would have gone back into the body and know, god knows what it
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worked, what it went, but luckily for you, you you could release.
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Now the people around you, Steve at that time, what would they say?
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Like, I mean, everybody tries to keep it together.
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Like I said, when I, you know, when when things are tough, right, But a year later, what would
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the people around you kind of reflecting back at you as they're seeing you go through these
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things in such a helpful thing, some helpless thing, feeling sometimes, what did they do to
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support you?
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I think they supported me in the best way possible.
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As in, you know, it's okay.
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Things will get better.
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Let's do what the surgeon say.
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Let's do what the doctor say.
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Let's do what the physio says.
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And I'm not saying I'm rebellious, but sometimes I I'm always asking the question why.
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So why can't I do this?
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Why do I have to do that?
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And so I I I've got an example here.
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So when I was doing physio, I'm kind of just going off the question a little bit, but, yeah,
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when I was doing physio, I wanted and I had just one cage on.
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I wanted to get on an exercise bike, and my physio said to me, you can't get on the
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exercise bike because you've got a cage on your leg.
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So every time you go round, it's gonna clash with the metal frame.
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And I said, okay, fair enough.
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But then I thought, well, why can't I do that?
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Surely, Can I not design something or make something so that I can?
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So I took myself out to my garage.
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I made a big wooden pedal for the exercise bike.
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I came in And I strapped it on with some Velcro straps.
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I climbed onto the bike, and I started pedaling with this big wooden pedal that I'd made, and I
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was able to do it.
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And so what it says to me is that I don't I see there's lots of barriers and lots of obstacles
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always are in in life and then especially as I was going through my experiences, but I see
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those as excuses.
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And I don't lean on my excuses, but instead, I turn those excuses into a challenge and not
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everybody does that.
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So if some people are told that they can't do something, they say, okay.
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I won't do it then.
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And I just one of those people that were just says, well, why can't I do that?
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Just explain to me a bit more detail why I can't do that, and I'll make the decision
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whether I can or can't do that.
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And I think so when people were supporting me and and caring for me, they were probably
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following the rules.
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And That doesn't always work sometimes.
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Sometimes everybody is an individual and sometimes you know yourself better and how far
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you can push yourself and what you need to do And, yes, sometimes you do need to to cry and
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mope and just watch telly and do nothing in each chocolate.
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And other times, you need to stop doing that and you need to pick yourself up and you need
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to move yourself on because sometimes it's only you that can do that.
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If somebody else tells you to do that, for me, I rebel.
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If somebody tells me what to do, I'll
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I was like a organizational of defiant.
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There's people.
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Yeah.
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It is.
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So they they were probably tiptoeing around me, maybe.
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I don't know.
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And I'm not an angry person.
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I'm a very nice person, but in in certain situations, when you get that fight or flight,
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maybe you become a different person, because it's it's it's down to survival again, isn't
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it?
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And so I they supported me, I think, in in in how I needed to be supported at the time.
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So if I was moping, then they probably bought me a cup of tea And when I was feeling, you
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know, active, then maybe they said, well, I'll leave you to do your physio.
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Give me a shout when you're done.
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And I think that's the best way sometimes to support people.
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Is to let them do what they what they need to do, as long as it's not too bad.
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And if they are moping for for weeks months, then maybe somebody does need to step in but,
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otherwise, just let them mind it out.
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So I'm curious.
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Like, if you think of this mindset, right, it really is a mindset, you know, in in the
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beginnings of your life or through to kind of had you ever been challenged in any way before
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this?
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Where you could see kind of elements of that in your personality where you always type that,
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like you said, you challenge or you would push yourself or, you know, or was this the first
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time that, through this adverse situation that you that you kinda I say sometimes you have to
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step up or get batted back down.
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And clearly, this is something that, I mean, when I listen to this, I'm like, geez.
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Like pain, loss of autonomy, having to rely on others then getting kinda whacked again a year
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after or someone saying, by the way, just in case you're not feeling bad enough, we're gonna
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take your livelihood away.
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Can you can you handle that, Steve?
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That's a lot.
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Right?
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But were the elements of that in your upbringing or just kinda along the way with
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what you were like, or it was just, like, the first time you were like, wow, I guess I'm I'm
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pretty tough here.
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I think I think when you have, something like this that happens to you, It's a catalyst,
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isn't it?
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It's it's it's when your body, sorry, for me, I need to speak for me, not for everybody else.
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For me, I think when something like that happened to me, Everything that had happened in
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my life before then was, exaggerated.
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It it came into survival mode.
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It's like, And I to answer your question, the answer's no.
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I haven't been through anything like that before, but I have been through lots of little
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things.
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And those little things have helped me to get through the big things.
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Let let me think back to when I was a kid.
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You know, I loved running.
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Running was my passion.
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I would run for freedom, for liberation.
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And, yeah, as I grew up, I became competitive with that.
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Not to the point where I joined a running club, but competitive against myself.
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It was all about PB's personal bests.
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I'd always write down what my time was, and I'd like write a little note as in beat that Steve.
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So next time I would see that, it was a a lane down the gauntlet to myself.
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So I was always pushing myself, to run a little bit faster.
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The other thing I love doing was scouting still do scouting.
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I've been at scouting tonight.
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I'm a scout leader now.
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But when I was a child, I went to scouts, and I love those badges.
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The badges that you get down your arm Now for me, those are still our, goals that you really,
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really want and you you work your way towards those those badges And you ask yourself, you
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know, what more can I do?
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What more can I do?
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What more can I do to get those badges?
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So that's the foundation of setting goals and working towards them.
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As a job, I used to work down the coal pit, and, as a as a coal miner.
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So these are tough times.
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I took myself to college.
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I became a maintenance fitter.
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What that means is that I'm still working down the coal pit.
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And if a machine broke down, that was a problem.
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And I had to sort that out because if that machine was not sorted out, then there would be
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no production that day.
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So I had to come up with ideas.
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I had to be ingenious with the solutions I came up.
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I couldn't lean on excuses.
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And I had to, you know, you know, step up to the mark in a way.
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So if you think about the the running, the passion that I had with that and push myself
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and the PBs, in the scouting and the engineering, I think all of those have helped
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me to deal with this massive thing that happened to me.
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Plus many other things as well, my father, he he got cancer, back in 1991.
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He fought it for 7 years.
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Now I saw him fighting it, and I saw him never giving in.
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And I also saw him pass away 7 years later.
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But I learned so much from that, you know, about the just the fact that you never gave in,
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and I wasn't prepared to give in on my situation as well.
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I wanted to make sure.
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And I think sometimes I could see a future self of myself, looking back at me, saying don't
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don't you stop doing that physio, Steve?
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If you leave me with a dodgy leg or a dodgy ankle, I'm gonna be furious with you.
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So you better pull your your weight and do that physio now.
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That was my future self talking to me.
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And so that's what I had to do.
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And it's that it's that living with no regrets.
22:17
It's the seeing, you know, what's gonna be in the future.
22:20
And if I don't do this, I'm gonna regret it.
22:22
So let's crack on and let's do it.
22:25
So let's say, you know, we all go through things, right, in companies, and I know you you
22:33
know, do keynotes for companies or you you you coach individuals.
22:38
So let's say somebody's listening to you right now, and they're like, you know, I'm in the
22:44
throes of it, and I'd like to, like, shut down, you know, put back my pajamas on.
22:49
Yep.
22:49
All myself back in.
22:51
And because my this isn't working for me.
22:55
And for people that are not seeing the video, I'm I'm I'm tapping my temples.
23:01
What are what what are some of the incremental things that you would suggest they start to
23:06
think about?
23:08
Given
23:09
for everybody in every situation.
23:10
So let's let's, like, be very generic on this.
23:13
If you're feeling like in a low place, then you just need to have some time out, then have some
23:18
time out.
23:19
Just just give into it and just do what you need to do.
23:22
But ask yourself.
23:23
Keep talking to yourself.
23:24
There's nothing wrong with talking to yourself.
23:26
Talk to yourself and and ask yourself how long you're gonna do this for?
23:30
Are we gonna be in this situation, this rock bottom for a day?
23:35
2 days, 3 days, maybe a week.
23:38
I don't know.
23:38
Not not too long.
23:39
And just be aware that nobody else is sulking.
23:42
Nobody else is in this bad place.
23:44
Nobody else is in rock, but it's just you.
23:46
And so the world is carrying on.
23:48
So by all means, do that and recover and recuperate yourself build yourself up, build
23:52
your strength, maybe.
23:54
You know, and then at some point, you gotta say, right.
23:57
Now we're gonna take some action, and that's easier said than done.
24:00
I get that.
24:01
How do you do that?
24:02
How do you just fit the coin and just say, right?
24:04
Let let tomorrow, I'm gonna get up.
24:06
I don't know.
24:07
There's various things that you can do The the waver resilience is great.
24:10
So if you need to be angry, be angry, get get a punch bag, go gardening, do some sports, scream
24:16
into a pillow, have a pillow fight, I don't know, just something to get that anger out of
24:20
you, sharing, share with somebody, talk to somebody, talk to a counselor, talk to your
24:25
friends, your family, write it down, write a journal, write poetry, play the guitar, play
24:30
the drums, you know, do something to share what you're going through.
24:35
The rock bottom we just talked about.
24:37
And then what you can do after that is maybe I find for me, music.
24:42
Music is really good.
24:44
And if you can find that's why I've got my playlists, my they're all ready.
24:49
And so when I'm when I'm in that low place and I do get low low times.
24:53
You know, people see me as I'm some kind of a superman that I'm always motivated in spite.
24:57
I'm not, but we all have low times.
24:59
So those load times, then I I go to my my playlist, my music playlist, and I I press
25:04
play.
25:04
It's as simple as that.
25:05
Just press play, and I think, well, this isn't gonna work.
25:07
But it does work because it's something that triggers inside you.
25:11
And it might not be that.
25:12
It might be watching your favorite uplifting film, or it might be reading some poetry.
25:16
Or might be just going for a walk and just getting some fresh air.
25:19
Fresh air is great.
25:21
You know the things that work for you.
25:22
So you do those things And that may help you start feeling better seeing clearly.
25:28
Once you can think clearly, because before then, you're all over the place.
25:31
You you're not thinking straight.
25:33
So do what helps you to think straight, and then you can start taking action.
25:36
You can start making a list.
25:37
Just make a list.
25:38
Right.
25:39
So what what do we need to do?
25:41
I need to Google the answer.
25:42
I need to YouTube the answer.
25:44
I need to talk to somebody.
25:45
Okay.
25:45
I need to, you know, phone somebody.
25:47
I need to ask for help.
25:48
That's usually a big one, isn't Just ask for help.
25:50
We'll go and ask for who who's the best person that and and then you have got different
25:53
people.
25:53
Of course, you have.
25:54
There's different people in your life that you ask for help for different things So choose the
25:59
right person for the right situation that you're in.
26:01
And you know what?
26:02
Once you start doing that, you'll feel better because you get the dopamine release and you
26:06
think, oh, I feel better.
26:07
I do it again and more and more and more and that will lift you up.
26:11
So there's lots of things you can do, and this is what I talk about as a as a resilience coach
26:15
and just like coaching people through that period of time.
26:18
And it almost becomes fun.
26:19
Obviously, you've got the low bits, but after that, you've got the fun bits.
26:22
And then when you start giving things and lifting yourself up, well, that's great.
26:26
And you get, you know, the serotonin kicks in.
26:28
You can't deny that.
26:29
That's awesome.
26:29
Right.
26:30
And then it's already flowing through your veins.
26:31
And I I often see the people.
26:32
Okay.
26:33
Say it a little more.
26:34
Right?
26:34
When I would, coach them.
26:35
Okay.
26:35
So you're gonna be you're gonna be sad.
26:37
Okay.
26:38
Well, how long how long do you think?
26:39
About 20 minutes, half an hour, you know, set that alarm and make it make the music be
26:45
something that you like to jump around to or something that just would spring you into some
26:50
wanting to do something.
26:52
Right?
26:52
Like you said, like music is the language of the soul.
26:56
So it's interesting that you said.
26:57
Like, you find those things One thing that I would like you to speak a little bit more
27:03
about.
27:03
You talked about a bit about your family.
27:04
What about your friends?
27:06
Like, what you said you kind of know who you needed to go to at for different reasons.
27:13
Did you learn a lot about kind of your your friendships or the people closest to you in
27:19
reference to support.
27:20
I have to say this is me.
27:21
In my life, I have some people that I want if I wanna get, like, a 22 by 4 across the the head,
27:27
I'd know who to go to.
27:29
If I want somebody to make me laugh, I will go to someone else.
27:32
If I want someone just to listen so I can purge, I have somebody else, but they're
27:37
oftentimes not one person.
27:38
So with you with your support system, What did you do and what did you learn about yourself in
27:44
reference to the different types of supports?
27:46
Cause I'm thinking that 1st year, right?
27:50
I mean, my goodness.
27:51
You that would have been a deep barrel.
27:53
You had to you had to go often, I would think, to to have other people support you.
27:59
Yeah.
27:59
It is things you learned.
28:01
I I think, you know, when I look back on it, I did have a support party with my my fiance at
28:07
the time, my my mom, my brother, my sister, my friends, And I think I did use certain people
28:15
for certain things, but I think the person that I used the most is probably myself, And I
28:22
always find that really strange, but I can only, you know, be honest and and say what I
28:26
did.
28:26
And I did start writing a diary.
28:28
I never had a diary before.
28:29
I started making notes in the hospital, and that turned into a diary of how I felt.
28:34
And as I progressed, it became more important because I needed to express what I was going
28:40
through.
28:41
I also loved looking back a week or 2 weeks to see how bad I was and how much better I am now.
28:48
So I was kind of supporting myself.
28:51
And a lot of the time I was on my own, if my my my wife then went to to work, I was home alone,
28:59
just doing physio.
29:01
And I was okay with that.
29:03
You know, that was, to me, that was my task.
29:05
That was my job.
29:06
That was my commitment.
29:08
And I think I, you know, I spoke to myself and and helped myself through that.
29:13
So I did use lots of people, but I think the main person that I used was myself, and I I
29:17
think I've had that a lot.
29:20
I'm not saying I don't know if if that's good or bad or it's just indifferent.
29:24
Oh, it didn't.
29:24
Yeah.
29:25
It's understanding your mindset And I think that's if I'm listening to this and I I'm
29:30
curious because I wanna know more.
29:32
Like, obviously, I've done this kind of work like, except since I was 21 and and, have seen
29:38
every iteration of possibility from very extreme, from, you know, when I was with the
29:43
police where I I would be attending to a murder suicide, all the way up to being kind of at
29:49
boardroom tables with personalities people on the C suite.
29:53
So it's we're all people, but ultimately to see how people cope.
29:57
I I for me, that's that that always fascinates me and especially when I'm meeting someone like
30:02
you, Steve, that has been through something significant, I wanna understand, like, what is
30:06
it that I'm you are reinforcing that already know, but also the combination of how you kind
30:13
of, create support for yourself, but like you said, internally, plus that external support.
30:19
And we're also very different.
30:20
You're right.
30:20
There's no particular recipe other than we have to kinda I would say we have to to have that,
30:26
you know, moment with ourselves when, we're going through the tunnel, the dark dark tunnel,
30:31
and and we know we have to go and we're scared out of our mind and you gotta let go of
30:36
everybody's, hands and you gotta go to that tunnel.
30:41
They're having faith that there's gonna be light at the other end of that other tunnel.
30:45
At some point, we have to do that on our own.
30:48
People can't always be there with us for that.
30:53
I think and I think it's it's it's it's something that I've carried on with as in
30:59
supporting myself and relying on myself, when I, you know, to to to go further on the story
31:07
once I became once I stood again and walked again, I got into disabled sport, into power
31:12
triathlon, swimming cycling, and running.
31:14
And as a as an elite athlete, the training, a lot of the training I did on my own, I had a
31:22
team around me, maybe European Championships, the World Championships, but every day, it was
31:27
me.
31:27
It was it was me that set the alarm.
31:29
It was me who made my sandwiches.
31:31
It was me who got myself to bed and got my kit ready.
31:34
It was me that took myself down to the running track or to the swimming pool or out of my
31:38
bike.
31:39
It was me.
31:40
And, yeah, I might have re you know, reported to a coach maybe once a week or even once every
31:44
2 weeks, but most of the time, as reporting to me, It was my goal that I wanted to become a
31:50
British champion European champion and a world champion, and so I could rely on me And I guess
31:56
I compared to, you know, the physio that I was doing that I used to do and how dedicated and
32:01
committed I was with that, and I was just, like, transferred everything on tour to being
32:06
an elite athlete.
32:06
And now even in my business, it's me.
32:10
It's me at this this desk in in my office.
32:12
And, yes, I got loads people.
32:14
I I talk about it.
32:14
I talk about my golden gang.
32:16
My golden gang helped me when I was at hospital.
32:19
My golden gang helped me as an elite athlete.
32:21
My golden gang helped me my business.
32:23
I have a business coach, a website person, a finance person.
32:26
I have a stylist, I have so many people in mastermind group.
32:30
But the main person that I rely on that helps me the most is me because I'm with me all the
32:36
time, and I think that's really important that I acknowledge that.
32:39
And I think it's really important that other people understand that you need everybody,
32:44
including yourself.
32:45
If you're just gonna rely on other people and not yourself, then you're not gonna get very
32:49
far, And then also that there's a temptation to blame other people as well.
32:52
Well, it's not my fault.
32:53
It's because they advised me wrong or they didn't support me or they didn't help me.
32:57
It's you.
32:58
It's you.
32:59
You know, put put yourself together and and and accept the responsibility, the ownership, and
33:04
the accountability that you maybe you didn't ask for help.
33:07
Maybe you didn't explain.
33:08
Maybe you didn't, you know, delve into the support structure enough maybe you didn't set
33:13
up your golden gang and you're riding it too much on your own.
33:17
Yeah.
33:17
That's the balance thing there, isn't it?
33:18
So I think, yeah, accepting that you are are so important to the whole philosophy and success
33:26
and achieving I think is is how I've managed to get through what I've got soon.
33:32
Absolutely.
33:33
Now I'm sure people are needed by the story and they wanna learn more about you and you're
33:38
across the pond.
33:39
So, you're in London.
33:41
Right?
33:41
Is that where you are?
33:42
Well, yeah, just above London, a place called Sheffield Not too far.
33:46
Okay.
33:47
So you've written two books.
33:48
So why don't you tell people a little bit about, A bit about the books and a bit about
33:54
your key noting and and your coping and where they can get a hold of you, for people who want
33:59
you to attend events or help with their with, some of their staff.
34:04
Okay.
34:05
So, yes, I've got 2 books.
34:07
My first book is my autobiography.
34:09
As a keynote speaker, I speak for 45 minutes, and people think they know my whole story.
34:14
Maybe listen to this podcast.
34:15
They they think they know it.
34:16
They don't the the autobiography has got everything in it.
34:18
It's got 20 years' worth in it.
34:20
It's an amazing book, the highs, the lows, the nitty gritty stuff.
34:24
The second book is very much to help people the first book is called don't lean on your
34:28
excuses.
34:29
The second book is called gold.
34:30
Gold for me is an acronym for your goal, your opportunity, your love, and your dream.
34:34
It's more of a business book And working your way through that will give you the 5 winning
34:38
ways that will help you to unlock the power of your potential and achieve goals.
34:42
And I love that because Now I'm giving back.
34:45
Now I'm actually helping people to achieve the things in their life so they can live the life
34:48
they wanna live.
34:49
That gives me a lot of pleasure.
34:51
And I do that as a keynote speaker, which you've mentioned already.
34:54
So keynote speaker, yeah, award winning professional global keynote speaker and anybody
35:00
who wants to is interested in, in seeing my work or even even booking me for their events,
35:05
I do have a website.
35:06
It's www.
35:07
Stevedashjudge.co.uk.
35:11
I'm all over social media as well.
35:13
LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, or is it x now, Instagram?
35:19
So there's no excuses if you wanna get in contact to me, and I really urge people to
35:23
reach out they wanna share something, if they wanna ask me a question, please do, and I will
35:29
always reply because that's what I do.
35:31
That's why I do what I do because I I love the interaction.
35:33
I love helping people, and I love sharing my journey.
35:36
So, yeah, either way is great.
35:39
Well, that this has been an amazing story.
35:41
And like you said, like, I heard you speak in Ireland, and now I I it's a snippet of what
35:46
we've I knew, and now I love I love the story.
35:50
So for everyone, so what am I walking away with?
35:54
Adversity is quite the teacher, and I clearly what Steve has demonstrated yet again is when
36:00
we are in those dark moments, what is it that we really, really learn about ourselves?
36:06
Those are the times that I think in in my own life and clearly in Steve's life that you
36:11
really have to formulate a lot of things about yourself that really gives you sometimes the
36:16
greatest teachers.
36:17
So I would suggest that you start to think about those opportunities, when things are not
36:24
so good to think what what is the opportunity here?
36:27
What can I learn about me?
36:29
So, for everyone listening, you know, I've released my new book, our law, return on
36:35
relationships.
36:35
If you'd like a copy, you can go to my website.
36:39
If you wanna figure out how you get connected to yourself, either personally or
36:43
professionally in resilience, You just go to roxanderhodge.comforward/quiz.
36:48
You've got a really quick quiz.
36:50
It tells you where you're at in reference to being your authentic self within those spaces,
36:57
and we'll send you a little mini report with some next steps.
37:00
So again, Steve, thanks so much for your time, everyone.
37:02
Thanks for is hanging out with Steve and I, and we'll talk to you again soon.
37:07
Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne, creating the space for positive,
37:13
healthy change.
37:14
Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and visit roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
37:24
We'll see you next time.
37:26
An authentic living with Roxanne.