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STOP settling. Ask for what you actually want · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ask for what you want?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you ask for what you think you're allowed or what's possible?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel when you say the words I want?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Do you share with the world what you truly want, need, and desire?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to share with you an exercise I took my clients through this weekend, and I'm going to tell you why it made me sad.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm then going to tell you exactly what the exercise was and how you can use it to reveal the limitations that are a barrier to the successful life that you dream of.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready, you know what to do.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Grab your brew and let's dive right in.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Be More Lobster Podcast.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this story begins last Monday.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: It was ahead of a retreat that I was running this weekend for my one-to-one clients.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And on Monday, I put a little voice note in our group and I said to them, okay, I'd love for you to by the end of play Wednesday, drop me a message here and let me know what it is that you want from the retreat.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: What would you like to experience?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: What would you like to receive?
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And then on Friday, when they arrived, I gave them an exercise to do on their own and said, like, when we come together tonight, we're going to talk about this exercise.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So Friday evening, we get or Friday afternoon, we get together and we're set around the campfire.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: And before I had them share their experience of the exercise, I reminded them of the message that I'd left them on Monday to say, tell me what you want.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: And to let them know that not one of them had replied to tell me what they wanted.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I find that quite curious because this event was for them, this experience was for them.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And although I had an idea in my mind what I wanted to create for them, I also wanted them to be a willing participant in their own experience.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And yet not one person said, This is what I want.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: So then I asked them to start sharing with me how they had experienced the exercise that I gave them.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: And here is what came up: they didn't know what they really wanted.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't believe that they could get what they wrote down.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: They felt bad saying I want.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I said, so we need to understand the limitations that we're placing on ourselves, the expectation ceiling.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to tell you a bit in a second about why that's so important.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So just see what comes up with and see if you've ever noticed yourself saying the things.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: If I could just, I'd be happy with.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want much, but you know, I'm not bothered about money.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: The reason this is so important, and there are many reasons, but I'm going to give you ones a day, is because the frame that you view things through determines how you feel, therefore, the actions that you take and the quality of your life in the everyday.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: So for those of you that haven't had any um interaction with anything like NLP or haven't heard the kind of like the word frame or lens, I just want you to imagine that you have a pair of glasses that you wear by default and it determines how you experience the world and how you experience yourself and what you think is possible.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And my job as a coach using somatics and NLP and coaching is to keep changing your glass prescription, if you like, your glasses prescription, so that you see what's really truly possible in the world for yourself.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: And what people don't realize is that you know they're wearing these lenses, is wearing these glasses, and it's creating your life experience in the everyday.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to have a fabulous life experience as you grow your business.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to have great relationships and great health and feel amazing and have adventures and sit around campfires and make homemade pizzas like we did on Saturday and then cook them outside.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to have the life that you dream of.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the other bit to that, which a lot of people don't actually recognize is that how you see your future, how you embody experience, your ambition and your vision determines how you feel today.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: And because today is creating your future, how you feel today is a reflection of what your future is going to look and feel like.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna have to think about how I can get that across to you.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: But but I'm gonna repeat that because it is so important.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: How you see your future, how you think about and embody your ambition and your vision for your life and for your business determines how you feel today.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And today is creating your future in the now.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: So how you feel today is a mirror, a reflection of your future.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: So many people work at it from the wrong way around thinking when I get this thing, I'm gonna feel different.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's not actually the case.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: When we do that, actually, what we do is we push that dream, that ambition, further away from us because we're too embodied in the what we don't have right now, or how far away we are, or how long it's gonna take.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: So, how you hold your ambition in the everyday is actually creating it or it's destroying it.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: When you have a great feeling state associated with your vision, every day becomes more energized.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: You actually bring the desired outcome to you quicker and with more ease.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: It increases your level of self-control and your social influence.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you more resourceful in terms of how you think and the questions that you ask and the actions that you take.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the most important one for me over and over again is it makes you become a master of managing your emotions.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I would love for you to get honest about how you ask for what you want, not just in business, because I'm sure you've heard the saying how you do one thing is how you do everything.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Although, having said that, I do see plenty of people who get very specific and have great boundaries and expectations around, say, for instance, what they want in their relationship or what they want for their health and how they want their body to look, but they don't map that across to their business.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm going to share with you the exercise, and I really want you to do the exercise and see what comes up for you.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: The exercise comes from a book called The Power of Receiving by Amanda Owen, and the exercise is called Send Cinderella to rehab.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: And she says this find a quiet place where you can be alone and write three pages of I want, I want, I want.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is not the place to write about your desire for peace and goodwill throughout the universe or about your wish that all children have good homes.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: You already know that you want those things.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is an exercise of self-discovery, of finding out what you want for yourself.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is the place to include you in your vision for the world.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And another purpose of this exercise is to get out of out in sorry, out in front of the sting of being human.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's to give a voice to the parts of you that are not showcased, those that exist in you and every other human being.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So the greedier and grabbier you your eye wants, the better.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here's an example.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have five million dollars deposited into my bank account.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: I want to have my very own chef who lives in a cottage on my estate so that any time I want good food, it's prepared for me.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want an Olympic Olympic-sized swimming pool so I can swim daily and throw fabulous pool parties.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want a second home on an island.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be so beautiful that a hush falls over any room that I walk into.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: I want a fabulous wardrobe with my own stylist to help me put it all together.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want a black Mercedes convertible and a motorcycle.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want everybody to treat me respectfully at all times.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want a confident, secure, wealthy, spiritual, emotionally mature, gorgeous boyfriend who is devoted to my happiness and who wants to marry me if I want to marry him.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want everybody who has ever hurt me to write me a sincere apology letter.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love that one.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want my family members to feel ecstatically grateful that I am part of the family and to not be shy about telling me.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want my book to be a bestseller and I want to be on Oprah.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And she continues with, I like to think of this exercise as clearing debris out of a house.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: The parts that you feel guilty about, geeked out about, weirded out about, or embarrassed about are the debris holding everything else back.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Are you having a hard time getting started?
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: So you could start with, would any of you like to eat anything you want and still have perfect health and not going anyway?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: If so, start with that.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you felt repulsed when you read the above list of I Wants and wonder how anybody could be so shallow, or if you think I don't want to write a list, I have everything I need.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'd like you to write in your journal for a bit.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever in your entire life wanted something that you didn't get?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Start and build from there.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And when you write your I Wants, you are clearing out all of the bits and parts that prevent your life falls from flowing out and flowing in.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: So include everything.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to have more crayons in the box.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want a bigger, richer palette for you to draw on and draw from.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want your humanity, I want your wholeness.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: After you finish writing your I Wants, if you would like to burn those pages, by all means, do so.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: But while you are doing it, give yourself fully to this exercise.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: On the other side of this exercise is clarity.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I really want to encourage you to, and maybe it was like a challenge, to write the way that she wrote, because it's going to put you in a place where you're going to feel all the sticky emotions, and then that gives you a great reveal about where your blocks might be.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not necessarily to say that you have to make that a goal, but why wouldn't you?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: But this is a really great clearing up exercise.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you enjoyed this episode, and I will speak to you again in the next one of the Be More Lobster Podcast.