Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 219. The Cost of Putting Yourself LAST

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219. The Cost of Putting Yourself LAST · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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Speaker 1: Apoge Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashley
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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self.
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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to She Rises.
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Speaker 2: So today's episode is the cost of putting yourself last.
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Speaker 2: And I think this is a really important topic just
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Speaker 2: for women in general to have because we are so
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Speaker 2: prone to be the nurturers, the caretakers, you know, take
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Speaker 2: care of the household, and to really nurture everyone else
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Speaker 2: except for ourselves. And I think sometimes we don't realize
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Speaker 2: when we're in it the impact that it actually has
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Speaker 2: on who we are and how we show up and
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Speaker 2: how much energy we actually get to pull back into ourselves. Love,
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Speaker 2: But so just want to have a conversation around it
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Speaker 2: to kind of help you reinstill your self common confidence
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Speaker 2: and really noticing how it is being impacted when you're
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Speaker 2: making everybody else the priority.
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Speaker 1: I love that before you get started though we have
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Speaker 1: a share of the week, I'll go first. Mine is
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Speaker 1: a new mascara. It's the Maabling sky High, which I
1:18
Speaker 1: love this mascara in general. Because this is not sponsored,
1:20
Speaker 1: by the way, whenever I talk about products, people think
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Speaker 1: I'm getting paid for it. I'm like, no, I just
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Speaker 1: love sharing the mascar The brush is very fine, so
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Speaker 1: it's not clumpy at all. But it's in a shade
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Speaker 1: called Plum Twilight. I have bright green eyes. Anyone with
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Speaker 1: blue or green or aqua kind of eyes, you should not.
1:36
Speaker 1: You should. Apparently all the makeup gurus I've said that
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Speaker 1: you should use a marone or plum or like purple
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Speaker 1: shade because it brings out your blue and green eyes
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Speaker 1: more cool. It really does, so it's very subtle. I
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Speaker 1: don't have it on today.
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Speaker 2: Me.
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Speaker 1: I'm like, and it's very subtle. And someone's recommended another
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Speaker 1: one from the same brand that is a bit brighter
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Speaker 1: that I want to try. But yeah, if you've got
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Speaker 1: colored eyes, I really like it, Okay, I feel like
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Speaker 1: it makes them pop a little bit more. That's that big. Yeah,
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Speaker 1: very cool like eyeshadow. I love wearing yinks.
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Speaker 2: It does former colors definitely does make your eyes pop.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, it makes the green come out more.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. Come relate I brown eyes brown
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Speaker 2: ay girl, But I do love that for you light
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Speaker 2: eyed girlies. My share of the week is actually chocolate
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Speaker 2: because it's coming into Easter.
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Speaker 1: I got her onto these.
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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Okay, look, if you don't mind paying
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Speaker 2: thirty more dollars for a bag of chocolate, be sure.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, for the whole bag.
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Speaker 2: The whole bag, babe. When I saw them, I was like,
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Speaker 2: forty dollars fifteen no cross. But to be fair, there's.
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Speaker 1: A lot of eggs in there.
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Speaker 2: Yes, And it's also loco love. Yeah, it's not righte
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Speaker 2: A loco love is like a five dollars of chocolate
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Speaker 2: literally more. Yeah, so expensive. So if you're willing to
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Speaker 2: fork out the extra money for some chocolate, it is
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Speaker 2: so good. So it's the Loco Love cosmic chocolate eggs.
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Speaker 2: And they're the salted caramel ones. Oh my god. Actually
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Speaker 2: showed me these, Yethersha pulled them to my house. I
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Speaker 2: ended up eating the rest of the bag. She loved
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Speaker 2: the bag, so I thought I'll do a nice sing
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Speaker 2: and give them to her. Also, I've had enough. Oh
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Speaker 2: my gosh, they are some of the best chocol that
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Speaker 2: I have ever had. When they're like a little bit
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Speaker 2: melted because it's like one hundred degrees in my fucking room,
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Speaker 2: right sauna, and I don't have air conditioning in my bedroom.
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Speaker 2: I do in my house, but not in that space.
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Speaker 2: And like they obviously got a bit melted, and it
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Speaker 2: just like they melt in your mouth and the salted
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Speaker 2: caramel like stuff in the middle.
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Speaker 1: Of They also have coconut and hazel up, but I'm
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Speaker 1: too scared to buy it in case I don't like it,
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Speaker 1: especially forty dollars. Tempted to try the coconut. I don't
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Speaker 1: know why. There's just something I just want to try.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, highly if you love you literally, if you
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Speaker 2: love Loco Loves, You've got to try it.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the best best chocolate to buy because it's
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Speaker 1: is coming up. I know a lot of people that
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Speaker 1: can't have gluten or dairy. It has no gluten or dairy. Yeah.
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Speaker 1: They all taste like real chocolate.
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Speaker 2: Oh it does. It is definitely the sweetest chocolate. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: I don't feel like you're aw Yeah, co cow's bitter.
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Speaker 1: It's so bitter.
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Speaker 2: This is so sweet.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we really wanted to talk about this too,
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Speaker 1: because we are coming up to month four inside Rise
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Speaker 1: and Side, and this is all about confidence and this
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Speaker 1: is something so important for women to learn and understands.
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Speaker 1: We thought to do a podcast episode on it. But
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Speaker 1: if you're listening and you're someone that really struggles with
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Speaker 1: self confidence, this is what we're doing a month for
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Speaker 1: sin come and join us in Rise and Side. But
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Speaker 1: all thought we touch on it today and just see
4:19
Speaker 1: how you guys love to receive and like learn about
4:20
Speaker 1: this content so absolute.
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Speaker 2: Look, if you're recovering people pleaser like me, you will
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Speaker 2: understand what it feels like to naturally just put people
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Speaker 2: above yourself and you don't even mean to you just
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Speaker 2: naturalize too. It is that's the hard thing because you
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Speaker 2: do know it's from a good place. And also as well,
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Speaker 2: like there's that anxiousness that comes out of like you're
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Speaker 2: wanting to keep people happy, wanting to keep the peace,
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Speaker 2: wanting to belong not lose people, and it all obviously
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Speaker 2: does come from a good place, but the cost of
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Speaker 2: doing that is almost always detrimental. And I think that's
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Speaker 2: the biggest conversation in this is like whether you're a
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Speaker 2: people pleaser whether you're recovering people pleaser, whether you're struggling
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Speaker 2: with this and maybe you're prioritizing people above yourself. It's
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Speaker 2: just recognizing that there's space for you too. And I
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Speaker 2: think that's the biggest thing that's kind of helped me
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Speaker 2: along the journey, is that when I've realized that I
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Speaker 2: don't have to put people above me in order to
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Speaker 2: have them in my life, I almost allowed myself to soften.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful, you know.
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Speaker 2: But the times where I did put people above me naturally,
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Speaker 2: without question, it's like I automatically fell into this mindset
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Speaker 2: of feeling less than. You know, It's like, well, if
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Speaker 2: they're invisibly on the hierarchy above me, that must mean
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Speaker 2: that they are more valuable. That must mean that they're
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Speaker 2: more important than I am, you know, more knowledgeable, smart,
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Speaker 2: more beautiful, more whatever, you know. And immediately it was
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Speaker 2: like seeing them as more than me, I was like, oh,
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Speaker 2: there's not enough room for me, or like I don't
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Speaker 2: want to feel like a burden now because I don't
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Speaker 2: know how to actually take up space or prioritize myself
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Speaker 2: without it impacting somebody else in a negative way. And
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Speaker 2: I think as somebody who does struggle with people pleasing.
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Speaker 2: That's a really hard concept to deal with. Is like
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Speaker 2: I'm going to put myself first and make somebody else
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Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable. That feels like a foreign concept because you're like, well,
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Speaker 2: why would I do that? Well, my goal is to
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Speaker 2: make sure that everyone around me is pleased, happy, safe, content,
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Speaker 2: gets their needs met. Why would I put myself first
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Speaker 2: if that means making somebody else uncomfortable.
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Speaker 1: But now you've learned all that, why do you put
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Speaker 1: yourself first?
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Speaker 2: Because I know that being selfish isn't a bad thing,
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Speaker 2: and I don't see quote unquote selfishness as something that
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Speaker 2: is negative. I see it as something that is positive.
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Speaker 2: Because the more that I've learned to prioritize myself, the
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Speaker 2: more I realize I can prioritize everybody else more. Yeah,
6:42
Speaker 2: you know, it's like the more that I pour into myself,
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Speaker 2: the more capacity I have, the more patience I have,
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Speaker 2: the more confidence I have, the more self belief I have,
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Speaker 2: the easier boundaries are to set all of the things.
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Speaker 2: Because it starts with me, like I envision, like you know,
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Speaker 2: obviously you can't see my hands right now, but it's
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Speaker 2: like a triangle, Like I'm at the top of the triangle,
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Speaker 2: and if I'm not at the top of the triangle,
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Speaker 2: I'm at the bottom. And if I'm at the bottom,
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Speaker 2: no one is getting the best of me. Everyone is
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Speaker 2: getting the version of me who is impatient and resentful. Like,
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Speaker 2: the biggest thing I dealt with when I people pleased
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Speaker 2: was resentment, because I just I blamed everybody else for
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Speaker 2: my actions.
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Speaker 1: For not voicing what you needed, for.
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Speaker 2: Not voicing it, and for almost assuming that everybody else
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Speaker 2: was a reminder reader. How can they not know what
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Speaker 2: I need? How can they not see it that I'm upset?
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Speaker 2: How can they not consider me, you know, and not
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Speaker 2: realizing that I'm the only person who can advocate for
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Speaker 2: what it is that I want, whether it's a past
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Speaker 2: relationship where I didn't speak up, or a past friendship
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Speaker 2: where I just was the cool friend and didn't want
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Speaker 2: to rock the boat or have an opinion too strong,
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Speaker 2: or and you.
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Speaker 1: Want them to think, she's, oh, she's so cool, go
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Speaker 1: with the flow.
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Speaker 2: But like, as a result of doing that, you become
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Speaker 2: the person who is not go with the flow, because
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Speaker 2: you become resentful.
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Speaker 1: You do your daggers.
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Speaker 2: You're like passive aggressive stabs. You know, you're saying things
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Speaker 2: like to try to hint the truth of what you
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Speaker 2: really want to say because you're scared of the truth.
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Speaker 2: And it's like that is what creates lack of safety
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Speaker 2: in the friendship and dynamic.
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Speaker 1: There's people that do people pleasing, like yourself, and then
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Speaker 1: there's people who are fully, fully selfish, don't consider anyone else.
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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in between, So I feel like
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Speaker 1: I don't over people please, But I also I know
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Speaker 1: what I want and I want what i want and
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Speaker 1: I'm going to get what i want. Yeah, So the
8:25
Speaker 1: way I kind of would attack things and I still
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Speaker 1: do it to this day, is like, I hear what
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Speaker 1: you want. I want this. I'm not budging on that.
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Speaker 1: I don't expect you to budget it. How do we
8:31
Speaker 1: both win together? What did it mean that? How can
8:34
Speaker 1: I do that? Yes, we both want what we want
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Speaker 1: and valid It's like a Taylor Swifts song. It's called
8:38
Speaker 1: wish list and some of them I'm not going to
8:40
Speaker 1: sing you guys don't want to hear this thing, but
8:42
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, not forget that. But yeah, I think
8:48
Speaker 1: that's the best way to attack it because if you're
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Speaker 1: never abandoning what you need, but you're a knowledging what
8:51
Speaker 1: they need, and then you come up with a plan
8:52
Speaker 1: together to make sure that both needs getting met. Yes,
8:54
Speaker 1: there's always a solution. I like that, And it's sometimes
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Speaker 1: compromise and that's okay too, But if you're both having
9:00
Speaker 1: the open conversation about it, there's no chance of resentment.
9:03
Speaker 1: It's like maybe I get what I want this time
9:04
Speaker 1: you go, or you want time see.
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Speaker 2: I think that's where my mind goes, is like, oh,
9:08
Speaker 2: there are some things where I'm willing to compromise on
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Speaker 2: where I'm like, oh, you know what, that's so cool,
9:11
Speaker 2: like I want you to have that. And then there's
9:13
Speaker 2: some things where I'm like not a chance, Like I
9:15
Speaker 2: want that thing that.
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Speaker 1: Means it's really important to you. So me, you came
9:18
Speaker 1: up in a head to head situation and you were like, absolutely,
9:22
Speaker 1: I'm not willing to budge addresses. For example, Yes, go
9:25
Speaker 1: back to the TikTok Awards, guys, Yeah, there's an orange dress,
9:27
Speaker 1: there's a pink dress. I'd have my eye on this
9:29
Speaker 1: orange dress for a very long time. And Tianna suggests
9:32
Speaker 1: that we do rocks as of paper when they come
9:34
Speaker 1: I was like cool, and then you decided, oh shit,
9:36
Speaker 1: maybe you like the orange dress. For me, it wasn't
9:38
Speaker 1: worth you being upsets. So I was like old, just
9:40
Speaker 1: had the pink dress. Yeah, And I went back and
9:41
Speaker 1: forth like there is some things that you're not willing
9:43
Speaker 1: to budge on, But then there is sometimes where I'm like, oh,
9:46
Speaker 1: it's not that important. Yeah that both dresses. Yes, So
9:48
Speaker 1: I think everyone should put their foot down and what's
9:50
Speaker 1: important to them. Then I ask your stuff, like is
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Speaker 1: it worth upsetting this person? Do I really care about it? Yeah?
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Speaker 1: Am I just being a stubborn motherfucker? Yeah? Yeah, yea.
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Speaker 2: And there are sometimes that comes up in work too.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
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Speaker 2: But there are things like where I'm just like, oh no,
10:03
Speaker 2: that's so cool, like love it? How to give it? Like,
10:05
Speaker 2: oh you know what, I want to change this or
10:06
Speaker 2: fix this? Can I take lead on this? Or vice
10:08
Speaker 2: versa when I'm like, yeah, you know something recently popped
10:11
Speaker 2: up and just like oh, I prove them, and I'm like, oh,
10:13
Speaker 2: can I just tweak this thing? Would be really good
10:15
Speaker 2: and you're like, yeah, no worries, go for it for it.
10:16
Speaker 1: You know.
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Speaker 2: It's just like learning that in between this kind of
10:19
Speaker 2: period and I think as well. What I've recently learned,
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Speaker 2: I'm quite a brat in relationships. I'd build a swallow.
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Speaker 1: I thought I was personal.
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Speaker 2: I am quite a brat. No, I just realized that
10:32
Speaker 2: I like what I like and like having been able
10:34
Speaker 2: to go from like severe people pleaserre to like being
10:39
Speaker 2: bratty and being okay putting my foot down for things
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Speaker 2: that I want, and like being okay, like not making
10:45
Speaker 2: that wrong, just being like okay, cool, and again changing
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Speaker 2: the narrative of selfishness. Why does it have to be
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Speaker 2: a negative thing? And I think that's the problem. You
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Speaker 2: mentioned this before. When we perceive somebody as selfish, we go, oh,
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Speaker 2: judge them, Oh my god, like how rude. They're so cold,
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Speaker 2: they're so inconsiderate, like they only think of themselves. And
11:05
Speaker 2: then so when we see stepping into ourselves and prioritizing ourselves,
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Speaker 2: we then go, oh shit, if I am quote unquote selfish,
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Speaker 2: other people are going to point the finger at me
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Speaker 2: and go they're so cold, they're so inconsiderate, they're so heartless,
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Speaker 2: and we get so scared of being perceived as that
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Speaker 2: they were, like, oh my god, I don't want to
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Speaker 2: do that. At all, and I think that's where we
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Speaker 2: get it wrong and where I know I've gotten it
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Speaker 2: wrong in the past. Was my association with being selfish
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Speaker 2: and prioritizing myself meant that I was going to be
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Speaker 2: a cold bitch, cold hearted, inconsiderate, and somebody who didn't
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Speaker 2: care about other people's needs, when in actual fact that's
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Speaker 2: not true, at all, true, at all, not true. So
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Speaker 2: changing the association. I want you to think about the
11:45
Speaker 2: association that you have with the word selfishness. Write down
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Speaker 2: the top three words that come with that word. Is
11:51
Speaker 2: it all negative? And if it is, it's going to
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Speaker 2: tell you your relationship with that and how either easy
11:57
Speaker 2: or hard it's going to be for you to step
11:59
Speaker 2: into that even if it benefits you.
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Speaker 1: When you coach your clients, because I know you're a
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Speaker 1: self worth and confidence coach. If a girl comes in
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Speaker 1: and just says, oh my gosh, I have zero self confidence.
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Speaker 1: I can't walk into a room, I can't speacome from
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Speaker 1: my relationship, I can't look at myself in the mirror.
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Speaker 1: I hate myself. I've got no confidence whatsoever. Like I
12:18
Speaker 1: don't even know if you can help me. What's the
12:20
Speaker 1: first thing that you would say to her, we need
12:22
Speaker 1: to build your self trust and how do I do that?
12:25
Speaker 1: Keep your promises to yourself? Love this, I love why
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Speaker 1: you teach that.
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Speaker 2: Yeah.
12:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, So the.
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Speaker 2: Biggest thing that I see, and this is something that
12:31
Speaker 2: I do literally with every single client, Like I don't
12:33
Speaker 2: care what journey they're on, whether they're a big business owner,
12:35
Speaker 2: whether they're you know, somebody who's mum and has three children,
12:39
Speaker 2: has been married for fifteen years, doesn't matter where they
12:40
Speaker 2: are in their journey. The biggest thing that women struggle
12:43
Speaker 2: with at every single level, I believe is that they
12:46
Speaker 2: don't trust themselves enough. And when it comes to confidence,
12:49
Speaker 2: I really think confidence is a mirror reflection of their
12:53
Speaker 2: level of self trust and how convicted they are in
12:57
Speaker 2: who they say they are. And without that conviction, the
13:01
Speaker 2: foundation is wobbly. The foundation can crumble really easily. The
13:05
Speaker 2: moment someone pushes you and you know, test that theory,
13:08
Speaker 2: you crumble. And so in order to do that, in
13:11
Speaker 2: order to build confidence as a whole, I feel like
13:13
Speaker 2: you need to have these stabilize like inside yourself. And
13:16
Speaker 2: the more that I get my clients to get clear
13:20
Speaker 2: on their goals, get clear on like just small personal
13:22
Speaker 2: goals that they've been trying to achieve and overcome, and
13:25
Speaker 2: I get them to break it down really easy, really small,
13:28
Speaker 2: and we actively work on in the first seven days
13:30
Speaker 2: of us working together achieving that goal and building that
13:33
Speaker 2: self trust back up. Because they've previously said how much
13:37
Speaker 2: they're going to follow through, and they did a lot
13:38
Speaker 2: of talking, a lot of this, and not a lot
13:40
Speaker 2: of following through. The moment they get through the seventh
13:43
Speaker 2: day of following through, they're like, oh shit, I feel good. Yeah,
13:45
Speaker 2: I feel amazing, got evidence I can do this. I
13:48
Speaker 2: am trusting mysel Oh my gosh, I now I have
13:49
Speaker 2: belief in myself. And the moment they have belief in themselves,
13:52
Speaker 2: they then kick it up next gear and take it
13:54
Speaker 2: into the next level. And I think that as a
13:57
Speaker 2: foundation of self trust, it changes their emotional state. It
14:01
Speaker 2: allows them to go, oh shit, all of these things
14:03
Speaker 2: that I'm telling myself about myself an't actually true. It's
14:07
Speaker 2: just a result of behavior that I've been choosing up
14:09
Speaker 2: until this moment. So the moment they change their behavior,
14:11
Speaker 2: they get a different emotional outcome. When they get a
14:14
Speaker 2: different emotional outcome, they start to feel emotionally lighter and
14:17
Speaker 2: I think that is such a pivotal thing. It's such
14:19
Speaker 2: an easy, small, simple thing, but it doesn't feel like
14:23
Speaker 2: the most obvious thing when you're in the emotional storm.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, people think you either have confidence, so you don't
14:28
Speaker 1: have it, But it's actually built from doing the things
14:29
Speaker 1: that you say you're gonna do it. That's right.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I really do believe that. And I think there's
14:33
Speaker 2: a different level between like confidence and who you are
14:35
Speaker 2: versus confidence in how you look and you perceive yourself.
14:38
Speaker 2: That's a different facet, you know. But I really do
14:41
Speaker 2: think like this is the core, is the most important
14:43
Speaker 2: level of confidence, and then everything off of that is
14:46
Speaker 2: almost like a subcategory that you can then address once
14:49
Speaker 2: you feel like you trust yourself and you believe in
14:53
Speaker 2: yourself and you trust your level of integrity and your
14:56
Speaker 2: decisions that you make in life, because through that, you
14:59
Speaker 2: can then go, I already have compassion for myself. Now
15:02
Speaker 2: I can change the way that I speak to myself.
15:05
Speaker 2: That I can change the way that I interpret myself
15:07
Speaker 2: when I look in the mirror and the stories that
15:08
Speaker 2: I convince myself of, and you can unravel and unpack
15:11
Speaker 2: from there.
15:11
Speaker 1: That's really cool.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I love that you brought that up,
15:15
Speaker 2: because it really ties into the conversation we're having of
15:17
Speaker 2: like the cost of putting yourself last. Like when you're
15:20
Speaker 2: learning how to build trust with yourself, you're building a
15:23
Speaker 2: foundation with yourself that becomes the standard, yes, how you
15:27
Speaker 2: behave with other people you know, and like when you
15:30
Speaker 2: have riple effect, the ripple effect, when you have a
15:33
Speaker 2: good level of context of what good looks like in
15:37
Speaker 2: a relationship, but it comes from yourself, you can then
15:41
Speaker 2: know what to expect when you call people in.
15:42
Speaker 1: There's a new standard.
15:43
Speaker 2: There's a new standard. So like say, for example, if
15:46
Speaker 2: you say that you're going to go to the gym,
15:47
Speaker 2: and then you are consistent with your food and your
15:50
Speaker 2: meal prepping on a Sunday and you're making sure that
15:52
Speaker 2: you're eating at your set times and you follow through.
15:55
Speaker 2: Like cool, Like I can trust myself, I can lean
15:58
Speaker 2: on myself, I can rely on myself. And then when
16:00
Speaker 2: it comes to somebody else doing that, you're going to
16:02
Speaker 2: look for those things and go I need somebody who
16:04
Speaker 2: I can rely on too, who also follows through, who
16:07
Speaker 2: also does all those things for themselves too. And I
16:10
Speaker 2: just think, like who you are with yourself is going
16:15
Speaker 2: to be your baseline for who you attract or who
16:18
Speaker 2: you let in at least. So if you treat yourself
16:22
Speaker 2: like shit, you're going to attract people who treat you
16:23
Speaker 2: like shit. If you talk to yourself really nasty, you're
16:25
Speaker 2: going to attract people who do that. If you you know,
16:28
Speaker 2: that's that sort of.
16:28
Speaker 1: Thing I say, manifesting like you don't attract what you want,
16:31
Speaker 1: you attract what you are.
16:32
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, yeah, absolutely, I so so agree with that.
16:36
Speaker 1: Well, because if.
16:37
Speaker 2: You will allow it from somebody else, that means that
16:39
Speaker 2: you already allow it right now. Something about that behavior
16:43
Speaker 2: doesn't signal red flags for you. Yes, but this is normal.
16:46
Speaker 2: This is my baseline. If someone comes in and goes, oh,
16:49
Speaker 2: you look fat, like that shit, You're like, yeah, you
16:52
Speaker 2: know what, right, Like I feel a bit heavier that,
16:54
Speaker 2: you know, that's as the right, I'm.
16:55
Speaker 1: Telling myself to look fat, that's that's right.
16:57
Speaker 2: Whereas if a partner came in and literally told me
16:59
Speaker 2: that I looked fat, I.
17:00
Speaker 1: Excuse me, what the fuck?
17:02
Speaker 2: Like?
17:02
Speaker 1: Excuse me?
17:03
Speaker 2: Yes, not because I believe that about myself, because the
17:05
Speaker 2: behavior is so far fetch Just like that ex partner
17:07
Speaker 2: of mine who literally told me to fuck off while
17:09
Speaker 2: we were dating. Yeah, like the audacity like I would
17:13
Speaker 2: because I don't speak to myself like that, and I
17:14
Speaker 2: also don't have people in my life who speak to
17:16
Speaker 2: me like that. So that was enough for me to
17:18
Speaker 2: go like, I'm out. Yeah, I'm out, absolutely fucking not. Anyway,
17:22
Speaker 2: that was a bit of a tangent, but no, I
17:24
Speaker 2: love that so informative. I just think people look towards
17:27
Speaker 2: other people for something that they can cultivate within themselveslves definitely.
17:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you think so many women are struggling
17:35
Speaker 1: with self confidence these days? Because it's definitely a common,
17:38
Speaker 1: very common thing that I see most of your clients
17:40
Speaker 1: are struggling with and women we hear from all the time.
17:43
Speaker 2: I think it's there's two parts to this, I believe
17:45
Speaker 2: at least where we're not being taught the right level
17:49
Speaker 2: of like self worth to begin with before we even
17:53
Speaker 2: get into relationships. I think there's maybe like a little
17:56
Speaker 2: bit of a lack of that of like women not
17:58
Speaker 2: being taught like how valuable they are and what they're
18:00
Speaker 2: worth and like, you know, being spoken to in a
18:02
Speaker 2: really positively affirmed way. I think there's an element of that.
18:06
Speaker 2: I'm also not blaming parents, but I do think it
18:09
Speaker 2: has something to do with conditioning. And then the next
18:12
Speaker 2: part is also it's self inflicted. So like what we allow,
18:16
Speaker 2: what we tolerate, and like the experiences in life that
18:20
Speaker 2: kind of happen that kind of knock us down, and
18:22
Speaker 2: the moment they start to knock us down, it starts
18:24
Speaker 2: to impact our level of confidence. I think it stems
18:27
Speaker 2: from conditioning and what we're taught. But then I think
18:29
Speaker 2: we become a self fulfilling prophecy by impacting our self
18:33
Speaker 2: confidence because we break our own trust, we don't become
18:36
Speaker 2: a safe person for ourselves, and as a result of that,
18:40
Speaker 2: we end up with no confidence. And then that when
18:43
Speaker 2: we're in that place, that's when we're tolerating the disrespectful behavior.
18:47
Speaker 2: That's when we're with the partner who's emotionally abusive. That's
18:50
Speaker 2: when we are with the friends who speak to us
18:53
Speaker 2: poorly and you know, make jokes about us even though
18:55
Speaker 2: they're probably serious. You know, it's when we start to
18:58
Speaker 2: allow and tolerate because we think like, well, I don't
19:00
Speaker 2: even your confidence, I don't believe in myself, and then
19:02
Speaker 2: you're spiraling, you know, and it just gets you to
19:05
Speaker 2: a really sticky situation. So I think there's definitely and
19:08
Speaker 2: has been a little bit of a quote unquote pandemic
19:11
Speaker 2: of like women's confidence.
19:12
Speaker 1: I think so too.
19:14
Speaker 2: But also I think a lot of women are coming
19:15
Speaker 2: into that now realizing that it starts with them.
19:18
Speaker 1: Definitely, I love that. And yeah, I'm really excited because
19:21
Speaker 1: obviously since I've known you, which is well over two
19:24
Speaker 1: years now, and this is what you teach your clients,
19:27
Speaker 1: I was really excited when you wanted to bring this
19:28
Speaker 1: in Rise Inside because I continue to learn from you
19:30
Speaker 1: and what you teach in that is so powerful. It's
19:34
Speaker 1: so so powerful, and I think it's really important that
19:37
Speaker 1: all women actually learn that's about themselves and learn how
19:39
Speaker 1: it's impacting their whole life, the decisions they make, how
19:43
Speaker 1: they show up in relationships. So I'm really excited for
19:45
Speaker 1: everyone else to learn and see how deep you can
19:47
Speaker 1: go with this.
19:47
Speaker 2: I'm so excited for the women inside Rise and side
19:50
Speaker 2: for the Confidence Month because I think there are a
19:52
Speaker 2: lot of women are being taught confidence in a really
19:54
Speaker 2: surface level way. Yes, and this is the kind of
19:56
Speaker 2: confidence work that actually moves you and changes your life.
19:59
Speaker 1: If you're just about putting makeup on and putting nice
20:01
Speaker 1: dress on, which I think a lot of people think like, oh,
20:03
Speaker 1: if you wear nice makeup and wear a cute dress,
20:05
Speaker 1: going to be confidence? Like, no, no, this is way
20:07
Speaker 1: deeper than that. Go at it.
20:08
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, you want to feel pretty in a
20:09
Speaker 2: sunflower address for five minutes? That's beautiful too. There's a
20:12
Speaker 2: time and a place for everything. But do you want
20:14
Speaker 2: to have the kind of confidence that's going to sustain
20:16
Speaker 2: you through a breakup after ten years? Do you want
20:19
Speaker 2: the kind of confidence that's going to sustain you after
20:21
Speaker 2: you change careers or you get made redundant and you know,
20:24
Speaker 2: somebody cheats on you, Like how are you going to
20:26
Speaker 2: hold it in those moments? And this is the kind
20:28
Speaker 2: of work that helps you get there because of the
20:30
Speaker 2: foundation you build within yourself and especially with social media,
20:34
Speaker 2: Like everyone's like, do you want to be the most
20:36
Speaker 2: magnetic person in the room? But they're looking at it
20:38
Speaker 2: from the wrong lens. People say like, do you want
20:41
Speaker 2: to be the most magnetic person in the room so
20:43
Speaker 2: people can stare at you and you can get Brownie
20:45
Speaker 2: points for being socially acceptable? Fuck that, It's not about
20:48
Speaker 2: that the person who is magnetic and the woman who
20:51
Speaker 2: is is the woman who trust herself, believes in herself,
20:54
Speaker 2: is convicted in who she is, trusts herself when it
20:57
Speaker 2: comes to right and wrong, making decisions for herself, and
21:00
Speaker 2: ultimately isn't swayed by outside noise of what people say, think,
21:04
Speaker 2: or behave when it comes to her. That is the
21:06
Speaker 2: most magnetic woman and that's why she is quote unquote
21:09
Speaker 2: unbothered and unbothered and people are magnetized to her. And
21:14
Speaker 2: that's what we're gonna teach.
21:15
Speaker 1: Mic drop absolutely by drop. So obviously that is month four.
21:19
Speaker 1: So to get to month four, you need to go
21:20
Speaker 1: through month one, two, three, and four, but just not
21:22
Speaker 1: in rise and side. Each month is strategically placed in
21:25
Speaker 1: that order because it kind of leaks on from the
21:27
Speaker 1: previous month and strengthens. So by the time you have
21:30
Speaker 1: done month one, two and three, you're ready for month four. Yeah,
21:33
Speaker 1: we don't want you diving straight into that without doing
21:34
Speaker 1: the previous.
21:35
Speaker 2: Work beforehand, with the work on that nervousis and baby,
21:37
Speaker 2: we do thank you for joining.
21:39
Speaker 1: Us and we will see you guys on Monday. Bye bye,