Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 668: The Evil Reasons Your Ex Wants To Be Friends

Transcript

Episode 668: The Evil Reasons Your Ex Wants To Be Friends · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  So your ex wants to stay in touch, Do they?
• 0:04
  They want to be friends. Yeah.
• 0:07
  No, I don't think so. Very, very bad idea.
• 0:12
  Why? Well, stay tuned and you'll find
• 0:14
  out. Hi, this is Lucia with The Art
• 0:16
  of Love. I'm a dating and relationship
• 0:18
  expert specializing in helping you get your ex back or to get
• 0:22
  over your ex. And welcome back my beautiful No
• 0:24
  Contact Army. Have you downloaded my app
• 0:27
  Silencio to help you stay in no contact?
• 0:29
  If you haven't, the link is underneath every single video
• 0:32
  and podcast. And if you too would like to
• 0:34
  join our No Contact Army, all you have to do is hit the
• 0:37
  subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:40
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com.
• 0:45
  Or you can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 0:49
  So I actually did a video on this topic, I think it was eight
• 0:52
  years ago, actually a long time ago, titled Should You Stay
• 0:56
  Friends with Your Ex? And in that video, I quoted from
• 1:00
  an article that talked about the type of people who want to
• 1:05
  remain friends with an ex after a breakup.
• 1:08
  And words like narcissism, psychopathy, and
• 1:12
  Machiavellianism were used in the article.
• 1:16
  So you might want to listen to that video and I'll put the link
• 1:20
  in the upper right hand corner on YouTube.
• 1:22
  But in this video, I want to delve more into why someone who
• 1:26
  broke up with you would want to remain friends and why it's a
• 1:29
  terrible idea and you will live to regret it.
• 1:32
  Now obviously not everyone is going to fall into these
• 1:38
  categories or have these reasons for wanting to be friends, but I
• 1:42
  do want you to be aware that these reasons are possibilities.
• 1:48
  And you're flattered because you think that they can't let go and
• 1:52
  they still want you in their life because they have feelings
• 1:54
  for you. Well, they may have some
• 1:56
  feelings for you, but not enough to want to be in a relationship
• 2:00
  with you. Because if they still had strong
• 2:02
  feelings for you, then they wouldn't have broken up with
• 2:04
  you. OK, so let's get the obvious out
• 2:08
  of the way. Yes, SEX.
• 2:12
  Now, guys are more likely to do this than women because women
• 2:16
  are not usually staying in touch for this reason.
• 2:19
  And you're going to think that you'll be able to get them back
• 2:23
  if you're being intimate. But most likely what's going to
• 2:25
  happen is they will eventually find someone else and that other
• 2:29
  person will tell them to not contact you.
• 2:33
  And then you'll realize that staying in touch with them was a
• 2:36
  big, big mistake. You're gonna be mad.
• 2:39
  So don't tell me I didn't warn you.
• 2:42
  How does staying in touch with them while they're sleeping with
• 2:44
  other people benefit you? Well, it doesn't.
• 2:47
  And you may say, well, but I'm gonna sleep with other people,
• 2:50
  too. Yes.
• 2:51
  But The thing is that you did not want the relationship to
• 2:55
  end. They did.
• 2:57
  So you are still emotionally attached.
• 3:00
  They are not. So when they meet the dream girl
• 3:03
  or dream guy, they will be gone, gone, gone.
• 3:09
  Now another reason they may want to stay in touch is because
• 3:12
  you're the backup plan in case they cannot meet someone else.
• 3:19
  So let me make this analogy. So imagine that your ex quit
• 3:24
  their job. OK, so you're the job, but the
• 3:29
  job didn't want them to quit. So they go, hey, that's fine,
• 3:33
  you quit, but you can come back anytime.
• 3:37
  Come back to your job. We're here for you.
• 3:39
  We're going to save your position or just come visit, you
• 3:41
  know, just come by, have coffee, have lunch with the, the guys,
• 3:44
  the girls, whoever, don't worry, we're always here for you.
• 3:48
  So now as they're out there looking for another job, they're
• 3:53
  not going to be desperate. They're not going to have any
• 3:55
  air of desperation because they know they have their backup
• 3:57
  plan. They have you, they know they,
• 3:58
  they can go back to you anytime. So what incentive do they have
• 4:05
  to come back if they know that, hey, I can still see him or her,
• 4:08
  the ex, but I can also look for someone else?
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  So by agreeing to be friends now, you are actually helping
• 4:16
  them to move on. You're giving them confidence,
• 4:19
  attention, validation. It boosts their self worth.
• 4:24
  And if they're going through a dry spell, they know that you're
• 4:27
  always there to fall back on. So I don't think you want to be
• 4:31
  the backup plan, right? I hope not.
• 4:35
  Another reason it's because they're actually using you to
• 4:39
  get over you. They know they don't want to be
• 4:43
  with you, but they also need help moving on.
• 4:45
  Because when someone breaks up with you, their just level is
• 4:49
  not usually zero. It's usually close to 50, like
• 4:54
  under 50, though in the 40s, maybe the 30s.
• 4:58
  But there's still some feelings there.
• 5:01
  So by staying in touch, then they're able to slowly, slowly
• 5:04
  wean themselves off of you. Kind of like the patch for
• 5:07
  cigarette people who smoke cigarettes.
• 5:10
  They slowly wean themselves off of tobacco.
• 5:14
  You're like the patch, they're using you to get over you.
• 5:18
  And then one day again, as I mentioned before, they're going
• 5:23
  to meet their dream guy and dream girl and oh, suddenly
• 5:25
  they're nowhere to be seen. And you know, it's not even a
• 5:30
  real friendship because you're not going to be able to keep
• 5:34
  your feelings out of it. How are you going to feel if
• 5:38
  they come to you and they say, hey, I met someone else and I'm
• 5:42
  in love. And I think this is the one.
• 5:45
  So if you can't be happy for them when they come to you and
• 5:48
  say that, then you're not ready to be their friend.
• 5:51
  And it's a fake friendship. So until they come to you and
• 5:55
  say, hey, I found someone else and you're happy for them, then
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  you are not ready to be friends. And I know 99% of you listening
• 6:02
  to this are not ready to be friends because if you hear that
• 6:05
  your ex found someone else, you're going to freak out.
• 6:08
  And being friends with an X gives you false hope.
• 6:11
  And it keeps you from moving on and dating other people just in
• 6:15
  case your X changes their mind. And you're actually playing
• 6:18
  yourself thinking that if you agree to be friends, that's
• 6:21
  going to lure them back into the relationship.
• 6:24
  You know, you think you're being slick, but you're only playing
• 6:26
  yourself. And the chances of that
• 6:28
  happening are very low. You've been demoted, So what
• 6:32
  makes you think you're suddenly going to be promoted When you've
• 6:35
  been demoted? That doesn't usually happen.
• 6:39
  But when your friend, I mean your ex asks to be friends,
• 6:42
  you're going to think, well, you know, I want to be mature.
• 6:47
  And you don't feel like you're getting played because you think
• 6:49
  you're being mature. Well, F mature, OK, They don't
• 6:53
  get access to you. They want you to think that
• 6:57
  they're staying in touch because they still care about you.
• 7:00
  But if they cared about you, guess what?
• 7:03
  They would not have broken up with you.
• 7:06
  So hopefully I convinced you to not be friends with your ex if
• 7:10
  you want them back. Now, is there a case or cases
• 7:13
  where you can be friends? There are a few, yes.
• 7:16
  One is if you were friends before.
• 7:19
  OK, you were just friends and then you decided, OK, let's see
• 7:22
  how the dating goes with us. Let's try relationship.
• 7:25
  It didn't work out and you're able to go back to being friends
• 7:28
  at some point. That's fine.
• 7:31
  Now, sometimes you need to be in touch because of children or
• 7:34
  work. You work together or the friend
• 7:36
  group. And I do have a video on how to
• 7:40
  do no contact if you have kids together.
• 7:43
  So I'll put the link to that in the upper right hand corner.
• 7:46
  But basically, obviously you have to be in contact.
• 7:49
  It doesn't mean you have to be friends.
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  So you tell them to contact you only about the kids and you're
• 7:54
  not going to respond to any messages about anything else.
• 7:57
  If you see them at work, you have to work together.
• 7:59
  Treat them like any other colleague.
• 8:01
  Be courteous, keep it moving. No puppy dog eyes.
• 8:06
  You can be friendly, but you do not have to be friends.
• 8:10
  Got it. OK, so now I want to hear from
• 8:12
  you. Have you ever been friends with
• 8:14
  an ex and how did it turn out? I want to know, so comment below
• 8:20
  and if you would like my help to get your ex back, you can
• 8:22
  contact me at theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 8:27
  The direct link is below. They are not on the website.
• 8:31
  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 8:33
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 8:36
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember, love
• 8:39
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.