Latest / The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson / Managing the Stress of Building a Business with Michelle Rosenthal

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Managing the Stress of Building a Business with Michelle Rosenthal · The SmallBizChat with Melinda Emerson

• 0:00
  Before you get to your schedule or your time management, you have to be really, really clear
• 0:05
  in who you are.
• 0:07
  As a business owner, as an entrepreneur, as a person, you have to be so clear and intentional
• 0:15
  in who you want to be, the life you want to live, and how you want to run your business.
• 0:23
  0, ignition, liftoff.
• 0:28
  Ending small business failure.
• 0:30
  Welcome to the Small Biz Chat podcast with the number 1 small business expert Melinda Emerson.
• 0:37
  Melinda's goal is to end small business failure, and she'll give you the information
• 0:41
  you need to succeed and live the life you dream of.
• 0:45
  Now here's the small biz lady herself.
• 0:48
  Melinda Everson.
• 0:51
  Hi, everybody.
• 0:52
  This is Melinda Everson's small bizlet.
• 0:54
  The America's number one small business expert And I'm so excited to welcome you to another
• 0:59
  episode of the small business chat podcast.
• 1:03
  I am so excited for today's show Now the small business chat podcast is a peer to peer
• 1:09
  interview show where we give small business owner's advice, they probably would not be able
• 1:14
  to afford otherwise The mission of the small Bishop podcast is to end small business
• 1:20
  failure.
• 1:21
  Now the goal of the small Bishop podcast is to give our audience an opportunity to get Sage
• 1:26
  advice from multiple angles to grow your business.
• 1:29
  Now it's time for me to introduce my guest.
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  She is a trauma recovery specialist, and her name is Michelle Rosenthal, and she's an award
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  winning trauma and PTSD blogger, and she's an award winning our award nominated author of
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  multiple trauma and PTSD recovery books.
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  She's a popular keynote speaker, and she has trained professionals and inspired audiences
• 1:52
  across across the country with her frequently seen in the media, and she's frequently seen in
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  the media on CBS NBC, the Washington Post Newsday Psychology today, ladies home journal
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  and women's world, and she is here to teach all of us about this whole thing we call stress.
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  Right?
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  And I'm a big believer that stress kills people, Michelle.
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  So thank you so much for being here.
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  With us.
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  I'm really excited to talk to you.
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  You know, running a small business almost feels like a recipe for stress.
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  And so some people manage it.
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  Well, you know, but in other cases, people's businesses are running them, right, instead of
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  them running it.
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  And so I wanted to know if you could help us understand how dangerous stress is.
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  Well, so here's the fun thing.
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  I found you on LinkedIn.
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  So Liz, the process works, and Melinda and I have we had these great conversations, fun
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  connection, And in our conversations, you didn't tell me you were going to ask that
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  question, and here's the story that just, I think, will nail this for you.
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  Because, yes, I can speak to how dangerous running your own businesses.
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  In 2009, I launched this business.
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  By mistake, it was an accident.
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  I just started blogging about PTSD recovery because I didn't know what else to do because I
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  had just come out of my recovery and didn't know who I was.
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  And that was 2009.
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  By 2012, I had a very highly rated podcast, multiple book deals with New York City
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  published I was traveling the country to speak.
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  I had a full private practice, and the business started to run me.
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  And in 2013, it ran me right into the ICU with sepsis because I just did not know how to
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  intentionally grow a business or manage the stress of building a business.
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  So, Melinda, yeah, I can speak to it because I think a lot of times we start out doing what
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  we're passionate about and you don't realize that your passion is burning you out, and we're
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  not taught how to manage that passion in a way that is healthy or at least I wasn't taught
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  that.
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  I I don't think I don't think any of us have been taught that.
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  So, you're safe there.
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  But let's talk about it.
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  How does chronic stress affect our mind and body?
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  Oh, in so many ways.
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  So let's talk about it from, you know, we have four realms that the mind and the body interact
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  with.
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  The mental, the physical, the and the spiritual.
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  So chronic stress impacts each of those areas.
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  So from the physiological aspect, we know chronic stress just puts you into survival
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  mode.
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  It's really an activation of your stress hormones that fight flight or freeze and and an
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  influx of adrenaline, cortisol, all those things that break down immune systems, break
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  down other body functions, So that's the physical aspect.
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  The spiritual aspect, I mean, we all have our own stories, but how chronic stress impacts the
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  spiritual side of who we are.
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  It can take you so far away from your faith in terms of the time that you have to connect with
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  it or even why and how you connect with it.
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  And then from the mental perspective, burnout is so easy.
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  We're multitasking all the time on multiple technologies with multiple people.
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  And the emotional side is that we just don't really know how to clear our state or even
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  manage our state.
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  So when you put together the physiological compounding of stress and how it changes
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  everything, from your your hormones to throughout your whole endocrine system to your
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  neurotransmitters.
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  And then you put that together with the mental and emotional and spiritual impact, you've got
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  a whole mind body sequence that gets completely out of sync, if you will.
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  Wow.
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  So how can we identify, like, our stress triggers so that we can be like, get behind me,
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  Devil.
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  I'm not gonna let you take me that.
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  You know what I mean?
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  Like, how can you how can you identify that so that you don't feed the beast, if you will.
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  Yeah.
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  Absolutely.
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  That's I think the crux of of the whole issue And I'll tell you, in 2013, I ended up in the
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  ICU in September of 2013, but for about 6 months, I've been telling my husband, I can't
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  keep up this pace.
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  I can't keep up this pace.
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  I can't keep it.
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  You have to listen to your language, and you have to engage the people around you to listen
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  to your language because you will be talking about the stress as it's building.
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  You'll say this job is killing me.
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  These hours are killing me.
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  I can't keep doing this.
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  And that's the time to start listening to your self.
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  You're getting the messages.
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  We're all just trained to keep going.
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  Right?
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  We're a culture of no pain, no gain.
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  We're a culture of if you're not struggling.
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  You're not winning because there's no winning without, you know, the struggle beforehand.
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  So if Number 1, listen to your language to yourself and to others because the the clues to
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  your burnout and your stress are in your language.
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  Number 2, engage the people around you to mirror back your language to you because they
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  might hear it before you do.
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  And number 3, pay attention to the way your body feels.
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  I I'm trained as a hypnotherapist.
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  So I am very attuned to the unconscious, not just the conscious.
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  I'm also trained as a neurolinguistic programmer, so I'm very attuned to neurology.
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  What we say in in my industry is everything from the neck down is your unconscious.
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  Everything from your neck up is your conscious mind.
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  So your body is your unconscious sending you messages.
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  And when it sends the messages, you need to listen.
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  That is a really, really powerful thing that you just said.
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  I've never thought about it like that.
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  So everything from the neck down can be talking to you and you gotta be listening.
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  Right?
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  And so I so I'm I'm gonna do that from now on because I think I've gotten myself close to the
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  brink a few times.
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  In 22 years in business, definitely.
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  It's so funny.
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  And if I may, just add, because I have an Olympic gold medalist as client.
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  And what she said to me recently, I think also underscores the point.
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  She says, listen to your body when it whispers.
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  Otherwise, it will make you scream.
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  And usually, it's our body that shows signs of stress before our mind because the mind is
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  capable of producing 50% more stress than your body can handle.
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  So your body will break down before your mind gives in.
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  So it's really important to pay attention to how you feel.
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  Wow.
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  I think you just said a whole bunch right there.
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  You said you said you said pay attention.
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  They said your body will give out before your mind will.
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  So pay attention to what your body is telling you.
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  Wow.
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  So what can we do to reduce or eliminate chronic church.
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  I know you said we need to be listening.
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  We need to have other people paying attention to what we're saying.
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  But are there other things that we can do like with our schedule or time management, like,
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  stuff like that that we can do so that we don't put ourselves behind the eight ball all the
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  time.
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  Absolutely.
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  And I think there are tons of experts who can speak to schedules and time management.
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  So I'll they've studied that more than I have.
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  So I'll leave that to them.
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  Here's what I've studied, and here's where I think it's so crucial.
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  You have to be intentional before you get to your schedule or your time management.
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  You have to be really, really clear in who you are.
• 10:03
  As a business owner, as an entrepreneur, as a person, you have to be so clear and intentional
• 10:11
  in who you want to be, the life you want to live, and how you want to run your business.
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  I had to get very clear in the ICU.
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  I had said says.
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  So my brain took a huge hit.
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  When I came out, I couldn't speak.
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  I couldn't write, and I couldn't read.
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  So it took a long time for my brain to come back online, which obviously it has.
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  But after that, I I really got intentional about how do I want to run this business?
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  What are my hours?
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  What are my goals?
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  How can I really hone in my focus and get really sophisticated in what I'm doing and how
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  I'm doing it so that I am running this business, not the business running me, not
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  everybody else's agenda running me, So if I could give one really important tip after the
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  idea of listening to your body, it's be intentional?
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  And that means clarity, specificity, and detail in what you are doing before you even begin.
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  Wow.
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  That I think that is so incredible.
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  You're just dropping, like, these gyms on me that I'm just like, I feel like I need to be
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  tweeting, like, while you're talking So so how how does mindfulness?
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  I know you just talked about being intentional, but what if mindfulness, is there is there
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  another rule for mindfulness sort of, like, throughout my day, you know, paying attention,
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  like, how much water have I done?
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  You know, like, stuff like that.
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  They can help me, you know, keep keep it here, you know, verse versus versus here versus here.
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  Right?
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  So how what kind of things can I do from a mindfulness perspective to manage stress or to
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  keep stress at bay, if you will?
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  Right.
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  So you mentioned drinking water.
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  Let's just talk about taking care of your physical self first because you it's easy to
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  set a ton of I've clients who do this all the time.
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  They set alarms on their phone for it's time to drink more water.
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  Time to take a walk.
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  It's time to get up from your desk.
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  You know, sitting is the new smoking, as they say, and it is important to stand up and walk
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  around technically, according to studies, every 50 minutes, 50, every 50 minutes, you should be
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  stepping away from your desk take a walk around the block or a spin around the office according
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  to your preference so that your body gets some movement And so that your your eyes get a
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  relief from the strain.
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  So that's one thing.
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  You can use your use your apps to program in these different things to do.
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  Here's how I like to use mindfulness even more mindfully.
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  I'm number 1, we have, a 4 let's look at everything in terms of a 4 level process.
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  You have your performance, which is your your base, your foundation.
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  Above that, you have your state the state in which you are performing.
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  Above that, you have your physiology, which allows you to access the state in which you
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  want to perform.
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  And above that, over everything is your breath.
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  Your breath informs your physiology, your physiology in forms your state.
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  Your state informs your performance.
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  So I love to use mindfulness in a way that uses the breath.
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  So that you are constantly resetting.
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  Did you know that in under 2 minutes, you can change your entire physiology just with breath
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  work That means changing your entire chemical makeup because when you learn to, for example,
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  breathe in, but exhale longer than your inhale, you change your physiological makeup.
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  And what I love to use breath work for in mindfulness is that pause before you reply to
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  that email that's upset you, that pause before you pick up the phone and you make a sales
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  call, take some time to center yourself with breath so that your physiology is providing the
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  right state for you to perform at a high level.
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  To get those big contracts that Liz is teaching you to get.
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  So in every single moment, you need to be managing your state so that you can perform.
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  That means changing your physiology with your breath and mindfulness happens so easily when
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  you are attending to and connecting to your body through your breath, you become way more
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  present.
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  And that that is probably my number one way that I love to be mindful even myself is to use
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  the breath.
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  I I love that.
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  You were giving us so many amazing gems, and we will be right back.
• 14:55
  Stay with us.
• 15:02
  People always ask me How can I become my own boss?
• 15:06
  With multiple features in the New York Times Forbes on an ABC News, as America's number one
• 15:11
  small business expert, I know a thing or 2 about how to do it.
• 15:15
  Hi.
• 15:16
  I'm Melinda Emerson's small biz lady, and I've been coaching small business owners since 2008.
• 15:22
  That's right.
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  I've been helping small business owners plan for success since the last recession, and I'm
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  still here reaching over 3,000,000 small business owners a week online.
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  I've spent the last 12 years compiling exactly what I did to become my own boss.
• 15:37
  I even broke it down into a 6 step system in my best selling book become your own boss in 12
• 15:43
  months.
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  Over a hundred thousand people in multiple languages around the world have this book.
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  And due to the pandemic, I know people need help.
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• 16:27
  Welcome back to the small bitch chat podcast.
• 16:30
  I'm Melinda Emerson small business lady, your host, and we're back with my guest expert
• 16:35
  trauma specialist, Michelle Rosenthal, and she is really helping us get more intentional about
• 16:42
  how we operate in our daily lives so that our businesses don't dress us out.
• 16:46
  Alright, Michelle.
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  I've got a question for you.
• 16:49
  Self care is become something that I hear a lot of people talk about, especially since the
• 16:54
  pandemic.
• 16:55
  And how do you think self care takes a role in helping people manage stress?
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  Well, I'll tell you the first thing that comes to mind, Melinda, is that stress is trauma.
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  Right?
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  Trauma baseline definition of trauma is any experience that feels less than good.
• 17:14
  So let's just that's very simple.
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  I know it's bringing everything down to the bare bones, but let's just take that as our
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  definition for right now.
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  And when you experience anything that feels less than good, that is activating a trauma
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  response in someone.
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  And it's really important then to flip out of the trauma response.
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  It's important to shift out of that normal survival mechanism into what we call rest and
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  repair.
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  And there's nothing better for moving you into that state, which is a normal physiological
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  state than self care.
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  I would also add that in that state of self care, one of the things that you're doing is
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  empowering yourself.
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  Trauma is all about a feeling of powerlessness, helplessness, a hopelessness.
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  When you engage in self care, what are you really saying?
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  You're saying I'm taking care of me.
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  You're saying I can handle this.
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  I can choose.
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  I can make a difference.
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  These are the things that I hear clients say to me every day.
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  And self care is a great way to prove to yourself I can take care of you.
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  I will help you.
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  You matter and to move you physiologically from that activated trauma state into that rest and
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  repair that allows your whole body to rejuvenate and increase your productivity, your
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  sleep, your creativity, all the things that are so important than being a small business owner.
• 18:56
  I love it.
• 18:57
  I love it.
• 18:57
  Alright.
• 18:57
  So let's talk about the downtime.
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  You know, sometimes entrepreneurs are accused of working 247.
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  Right?
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  So How important is it to actually unplug on your downtime?
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  Like, I am somebody that I keep my phone one level, and I go to bed on another level.
• 19:15
  And I know most people are like, how could you even do that?
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  You don't have your phone at your head?
• 19:19
  No.
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  I do not.
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  I do not live like that.
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  But, you know, it took me a lot of years to get there.
• 19:24
  I used to be, like, the worst workaholic you ever met years ago, but that was old Melinda.
• 19:28
  Right?
• 19:28
  This is New Melinda.
• 19:29
  So, I wanna understand how important it is to have that scheduled and to really, you know,
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  when you're off on Saturday Sunday, not be looking at emails, not be responding this
• 19:39
  stuff.
• 19:41
  It's super important.
• 19:43
  It's it's incredibly important for mostly because in order to really be mindful, in order
• 19:54
  to really listen to your body, in order to do all the things that we've already been talking
• 19:59
  about, you have to be able to put in place boundaries and it gets back to intention.
• 20:04
  You know, I also I, like you, Melinda, my phone automatically turns itself into no notification
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  mode at a certain hour, and it doesn't come back on until a certain hour the next day.
• 20:17
  So that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know that anything was coming in because I've
• 20:21
  learned that I need to put in place really good boundaries for myself so that I don't end up
• 20:26
  back in the ICU.
• 20:28
  And that means being really intentional with When does the phone go off?
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  When are notifications on or off?
• 20:35
  And do you know what else, Melissa?
• 20:37
  What apps are on my phone?
• 20:39
  Because I take off some apps just so I don't.
• 20:43
  Oh, I'm sitting.
• 20:44
  I live in South Florida.
• 20:45
  Right?
• 20:45
  So sometimes I get stuck at a bridge that's going up, and you have 10 minutes you want to
• 20:50
  think, oh, I could answer email or I could, like, find some answer on messenger on Facebook
• 20:57
  and it's it's it's enough already.
• 20:59
  I take all of those apps off my phone.
• 21:02
  And when there's a bridge opening, I just sit and enjoy the water and the sky and take that
• 21:08
  as a moment just to connect with myself So you can find a lot of places to put self care into
• 21:15
  a busy day when you don't have a lot of time that you just want to step into that more
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  intentional, more empowered place of I'm taking care of you because you are the most important
• 21:29
  thing in this business, it doesn't happen unless you're okay.
• 21:34
  I love that.
• 21:35
  I love that.
• 21:35
  Alright.
• 21:36
  Last question.
• 21:37
  What is the best business advice you've ever gotten?
• 21:40
  Hands down.
• 21:42
  My dad gave me the best piece of advice from very early age.
• 21:46
  My dad always said to us, do what you love, and money will find you.
• 21:51
  And my brother and I both have taken that advice and had really wonderful careers, you
• 21:57
  know, burnout notwithstanding.
• 21:59
  I was doing what I loved and I, you know, I did it a little too much maybe, but, but that was
• 22:04
  the best piece of advice because that way you end up building a business That's really an
• 22:09
  extension of your identity, and that is so satisfying and fulfilling to do every single
• 22:16
  day.
• 22:17
  I love it.
• 22:18
  Thank you so much, Michelle.
• 22:19
  You've given us so many amazing gems in this interview, and I just thank you for your time.
• 22:27
  Michelle, what is your favorite podcast?
• 22:29
  My favorite my favorite podcast.
• 22:31
  I'm so old school.
• 22:32
  I've been listening to him for years.
• 22:34
  John Jam.
• 22:34
  His marketing his prostate marketing process.
• 22:38
  We love John.
• 22:39
  John's a dear friend.
• 22:40
  I love him.
• 22:40
  So that's a great podcast.
• 22:41
  Alright.
• 22:42
  What is your favorite business app?
• 22:45
  Holy cow.
• 22:46
  My favorite business app, this is so silly, but I love it.
• 22:49
  I love Voxer.
• 22:51
  It is such a great way to communicate quickly, effectively, and most importantly, it's fun
• 22:57
  because it makes that fun walkie talkie sound.
• 23:00
  Alright.
• 23:01
  Favorite old school marketing tip.
• 23:03
  Alright.
• 23:03
  The 4 p's.
• 23:04
  I mean, I think we have to go back to price, product, place, and people.
• 23:10
  So that you're always thinking about what's the foundation of what you're doing.
• 23:14
  And it's a great way to be intentional with how you move forward.
• 23:18
  And I'm a big fan of the 5th one profit.
• 23:21
  So, anyway, so alright.
• 23:24
  Yeah.
• 23:24
  Yeah.
• 23:25
  Not all school.
• 23:26
  No.
• 23:26
  But but it is it's it's what's missing from that.
• 23:29
  But, you know, I've got that actually in my book, but best business book you ever read.
• 23:35
  So I think it's always really important to clean up your side of the street as a as an
• 23:40
  entrepreneur as a small business owner.
• 23:42
  I think you have to be really clear on what drives you and how to manage your own internal
• 23:47
  self.
• 23:47
  That's, you know, the basis of everything that I do for myself.
• 23:51
  For that, I really love the success principles by Jack Canfield.
• 23:55
  It's so it's mammoth, but it will get you focused on yourself and your mindset faster
• 24:02
  than anything.
• 24:03
  Alright.
• 24:03
  Thank you so much for being my guest tonight on the small business chat podcast.
• 24:08
  Thank you all for joining me for this episode of the small business chat podcast.
• 24:12
  If you're still working on your digital pivot, be sure to check out my small business lady
• 24:17
  university where you can sign up for my latest course social media selling.
• 24:21
  It goes live February 1st.
• 24:23
  So go ahead and sign up for your spot right now.
• 24:27
  I can't wait to help you.
• 24:28
  Finally start making the money you deserve online.
• 24:31
  So don't forget to head over to smallbizladyuniversity.com.
• 24:35
  And thank you all for joining me for another episode of the small business chat podcast.
• 24:40
  Our mission here is to end small business failure.
• 24:43
  I'm Melinda Emerson, the small bus lady, and I will leave you with this.
• 24:47
  You never lose in business.
• 24:48
  Either you win or you learn.
• 24:50
  God bless everybody.
• 24:55
  Thank you for listening to the Small Biz chat podcast with Melinda Emerson.
• 25:00
  For more resources and small business success strategies, visit succeed as your own boss.com.
• 25:06
  So welcome to this podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and join us next Wednesday.