Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 95. The Silent Weight of My Decision: When Your Head Says No but Your Heart Screams Yes 🤯💔

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95. The Silent Weight of My Decision: When Your Head Says No but Your Heart Screams Yes 🤯💔 · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

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  Speaker 1: Apogee Production. I need your advice. Are you okay what happened?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment. Girl, my girl, this is
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  Speaker 2: the place for you.
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  Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to another bestI episode. But this
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  Speaker 1: is quite a big story to read out. So get Comfie,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: get settled in, and we'll give our take on at
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  Speaker 1: this woman's situation that she's in with a sticky one.
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  Speaker 2: Let's get into it. Take it away to Yana, Take
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  Speaker 2: it away, Ernie. So I'm a twenty three year old
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  Speaker 2: woman who's an amazing relationship. The first time I met
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  Speaker 2: this guy, I called my best friend and I told
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  Speaker 2: her that I was going to marry this man. Four
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  Speaker 2: years later, we both got out of serious relationships and
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  Speaker 2: we got the chance to properly get to know each other.
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  Speaker 2: My whole life, I've always been that friend that looks
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  Speaker 2: after everybody else. People lean on me for support, and honestly,
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  Speaker 2: I feel so low to be that person for everyone else.
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  Speaker 2: But I have noticed the past few years that this
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  Speaker 2: role I have often means that my current friends forget
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  Speaker 2: how to ask how I am, and it becomes very
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  Speaker 2: one sided. When I met this man for the first
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  Speaker 2: time in my life. He held me and was there
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  Speaker 2: for me in the same way I am there for
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  Speaker 2: everyone else. The thought of him used to bring me
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  Speaker 2: to tears because I was so overwhelmed by how right
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  Speaker 2: it felt with him. Okay, here's what I wanted to share.
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  Speaker 2: The third time we ever slept together. Somehow I got pregnant.
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  Speaker 2: I took a test, and when I realized my period
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  Speaker 2: was a few days late, I was so shocked, but
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  Speaker 2: knew instantly that I couldn't go through with the pregnancy.
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  Speaker 1: Oh poor darling.
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  Speaker 2: We were fresh dating and I still had a year
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  Speaker 2: left to complete a bachelor's degree. I had worked my
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  Speaker 2: ass off four It wasn't the smartest move, but I
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  Speaker 2: booked with an abortion clinic at six weeks after being
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  Speaker 2: super nervous and sick, and found out that there were
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  Speaker 2: twins on the scam.
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  Speaker 1: I took the.
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  Speaker 2: Pills and went through one of the worst experiences of
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  Speaker 2: my life, physically vomiting, diarrhea, blood clots the size of
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  Speaker 2: my hand, and he was right there with me through it,
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  Speaker 2: and I absolutely have no regrets. Finally, my body repaired
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  Speaker 2: and I started a normal cycle again. A few months later,
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  Speaker 2: I did another test and found out I was pregnant again,
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  Speaker 2: even though I was on the pill this time, I
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  Speaker 2: had a strong sense that we should go through with it.
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  Speaker 2: As soon as I took the test, I asked the
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  Speaker 2: universe for some signs. Some may think this is silly,
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  Speaker 2: but I feel like it was something I needed. I
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  Speaker 2: asked to see a set of four numbers and to
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  Speaker 2: have two butterflies land on each of my hands. A
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  Speaker 2: few days later, me and my brother, who bought me
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  Speaker 2: the concert tickets, attended the concert where I looked down
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  Speaker 2: to see that our seats were the exact numbers I
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  Speaker 2: had asked to see.
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  Speaker 1: I was shaking wow.
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  Speaker 2: My partner was initially excited, but as we talked about it,
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  Speaker 2: the more he expressed he had always wanted a career change,
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  Speaker 2: which I knew beforehand, and we knew that this wouldn't
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  Speaker 2: be possible if we had had a baby because of
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  Speaker 2: the financial stress. We still since both fairly young, and
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  Speaker 2: I wanted us to be super present when we have kids.
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  Speaker 2: We had had so many deep conversations which brought us
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  Speaker 2: super closer together. However, he told me that he had
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  Speaker 2: decided that if it was up to him, we would
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  Speaker 2: wait until we had a better position. I honestly was
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  Speaker 2: devastated and cried for hours. I love and respect him
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  Speaker 2: so much that I could never take away the opportunity
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  Speaker 2: for him to have a job that he loves and
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  Speaker 2: a chance to be more mentally prepared. Yet at the
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  Speaker 2: same time, I feel in my gut that if we
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  Speaker 2: had this baby, it would be the best decision. It
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  Speaker 2: was truly heart verse head, and in the end I
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  Speaker 2: couldn't go against my morals. I strongly think that it's
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  Speaker 2: the best decision that you can make, and you need
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  Speaker 2: to both be on the same page from day one.
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  Speaker 2: Out of love and respect, I booked to get a
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  Speaker 2: surgical abortion, and it still makes me emotional to this day.
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  Speaker 2: The night before I was to go in, I was
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  Speaker 2: sitting at my back door waiting for my dog to
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  Speaker 2: do his business, when one beautiful white moth came out
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  Speaker 2: of nowhere, landing on my right hand. A second later,
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  Speaker 2: another landed on my left hand. I felt that this
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  Speaker 2: was a clear sign to go ahead with the pregnancy,
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  Speaker 2: but I had already made up my mind and paid
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  Speaker 2: the money, so I put that aside and went through
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  Speaker 2: with the surgery. Afterwards, I was told that I had
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  Speaker 2: an unnatural long fertile window and can get pregnant before
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  Speaker 2: and during my period, which.
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  Speaker 1: Is how it had happened.
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  Speaker 2: Wow, I had an IUD for six months, which really
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  Speaker 2: caused cysts and gave me so much pain, so I
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  Speaker 2: recently had it removed. All of this to say that
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  Speaker 2: on the daily, I regret getting the second abortion, but
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  Speaker 2: have no one to talk about it with because I
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  Speaker 2: don't have to make my partner feel any guilt. And
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  Speaker 2: I'm so scared to tell my friends. When I see
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  Speaker 2: other girls that I know having kids now, I feel
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  Speaker 2: this jealousy and anger, even though I made my own
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  Speaker 2: decisions because I wish that was me. He is about
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  Speaker 2: to start his dream job, and I'm so proud of
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  Speaker 2: us and what our relationship has gone through. I've tried
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  Speaker 2: every other contraception now and none of them work for me,
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  Speaker 2: so we are using condoms. However, I am deathly scared
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  Speaker 2: that I would get pregnant again. I think about being
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  Speaker 2: a mom every single day. I'm obsessed with kids, and
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  Speaker 2: I have a savings account specifically for when we start
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  Speaker 2: our family. I'm just really scared, even irrationally, that somehow
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  Speaker 2: it will happen again. Even though I want that more
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  Speaker 2: than anything. I just want my partner to achieve everything
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  Speaker 2: he wants to do before kids, so that he never
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  Speaker 2: has to wonder if he would have been happier if
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  Speaker 2: things had gone differently. Thank you both so much for reading.
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  Speaker 2: I know this is a taboo topic and it's real
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  Speaker 2: for so many people. Each time I have been to
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  Speaker 2: the abortion clinic, it's been packed to the brim with
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  Speaker 2: girls just like me. And I know some people struggle
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  Speaker 2: to get pregnant and I truly feel for them. So
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  Speaker 2: however much this is the other side of the coin
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  Speaker 2: that's not swirken about.
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  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so sorry to hear what you've been through.
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  Speaker 1: She's super self.
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  Speaker 2: Aware, Yeah, super conscious, so conscious.
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  Speaker 1: Of her decisions of like other people, herself, what's best,
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  Speaker 1: where her heart's at. The regret like all of it. Man,
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  Speaker 1: she's been through it. I'm so sad that she regrets
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  Speaker 1: the second one, like I feel like for the first one,
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  Speaker 1: she was really confident that was the right decision. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: the second one it was what she wanted, but not
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  Speaker 1: what he wanted. Oh man, that's really hard, and it
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  Speaker 1: is really hard. I can't imagine being in that position.
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  Speaker 1: Like far out I don't even really know what advice
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  Speaker 1: I would give. Just good on you for being so
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  Speaker 1: honest with yourself and allowing yourself to feel all and
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  Speaker 1: I'm just so sorry you've had to make those decisions.
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  Speaker 1: I know it's not only the right thing to say,
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  Speaker 1: it's like just trusting in the timing. Yeah, that when
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  Speaker 1: you do have your baby and you're holding that baby
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  Speaker 1: in your arms, you like all that happened because this
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  Speaker 1: was exactly who was meant for us. Yeah, I really
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  Speaker 1: when I was trying to fall pregnant with Tiler and
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  Speaker 1: I was getting so upset every single month, when on
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  Speaker 1: like eleven months, so frustrated and so upset, I wish
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  Speaker 1: someone had said to me, like, when you get your baby,
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  Speaker 1: you'll be like, oh, thank goodness it took that long
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  Speaker 1: because it would never have been her. And now I
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  Speaker 1: look back, I'm like I would have waited three years
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  Speaker 1: for her to know it was going to be her,
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  Speaker 1: Like I would have waited an eternity. It was worth
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  Speaker 1: the way. That's so beautiful. But I also don't know
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  Speaker 1: if that's the right thing to say. So apologies if
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  Speaker 1: that's you know, coming across not wrong, but.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just your perspective, baby, Yeah, I know, and
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  Speaker 2: I think, like these things are so hard, like regardless,
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  Speaker 2: like I'm sorry that you had to go through not one,
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  Speaker 2: but two abortions and like to have found out that
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  Speaker 2: there were twins on the scand I know that would
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  Speaker 2: have added a layer already on top of what you
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  Speaker 2: were holding emotionally. And it is really hard when you
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  Speaker 2: go through it and you don't have anybody to talk
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  Speaker 2: about it with, or you feel like there's going to
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  Speaker 2: be judgment or you're scared of what people are going
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  Speaker 2: to say, or you know, even their opinions of abortions.
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  Speaker 2: You know, not a lot of people have the same perspective,
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  Speaker 2: and it could be really hard to go through that
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  Speaker 2: emotionally and then have to make the right decision for you.
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  Speaker 2: But it sounds like you were super clear about it,
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  Speaker 2: and it doesn't mean that it wasn't hard, just because
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  Speaker 2: it was the right thing.
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  Speaker 1: And then the second.
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  Speaker 2: Time, you know, what a beautiful opportunity now for you
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  Speaker 2: to trust your intuition more, yes, you know, and being
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  Speaker 2: like wow, like when you see those signs and things
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  Speaker 2: like that, like you can listen to yourself. But also
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  Speaker 2: with the decision you made, I truly believe in moments
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  Speaker 2: like this when even though we don't get the thing
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  Speaker 2: that we want, it's like divine redirection, you know, And
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  Speaker 2: not saying that this path isn't meant for you, because
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  Speaker 2: it sounds like you want it and it sounds like
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  Speaker 2: it's coming for you. But in the time that is
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  Speaker 2: going to be right for you and your partner, because
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  Speaker 2: you do want to be both on the same page,
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  Speaker 2: and you know in terms of like your partner and
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  Speaker 2: I can see and hear that you're so considerate towards
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  Speaker 2: what he wants. But also you guys are a team.
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  Speaker 1: You're doing this together.
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  Speaker 2: It's about compromise, yeah, And also knowing that you're never
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  Speaker 2: fully going to be ready. I mean, I don't know.
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  Speaker 1: I mean I've never been a parent, but.
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  Speaker 2: That's what I get told, is that you're never fully
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  Speaker 2: going to be ready. You just know in your body
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  Speaker 2: whether it's right for you or not. And so just
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  Speaker 2: trust that, like even though you wanted it so badly
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  Speaker 2: and you felt like you against your intuition on this one,
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  Speaker 2: that for whatever reason, something was doing right by you
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  Speaker 2: behind closed doors.
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  Speaker 1: And also, yeah, you have been so considerate of your
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  Speaker 1: partner and his dream job and now he's landed that.
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  Speaker 1: So I think if it was to happen third time round,
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  Speaker 1: you feel pregnant, like you can have it all. He
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  Speaker 1: can still have his dream career and work hard and
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  Speaker 1: hustle and sacrifice, just like you will sacrifice and hustle
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  Speaker 1: in your own way with becoming a mum. Yeah, And
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  Speaker 1: there's different ways to do things, and it may not
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  Speaker 1: be how you plan. Doesn't mean it can't be beautiful,
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  Speaker 1: doesn't mean it can't be right, doesn't mean it can't
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  Speaker 1: be what you dreamt of. It'll just look and feel different.
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  Speaker 1: You can plan all you like in your whole life,
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  Speaker 1: but things never go to plan. Yeah, we all. Ne'ss
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  Speaker 1: so true. The one thing that will guarantee is change. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: you can plan till the cows come home, but we
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  Speaker 1: promise you there's going to be bumps in that road
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  Speaker 1: that do redirect you. And you can always look back
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  Speaker 1: in hind somebody like, Ah, that's why that happened. We
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  Speaker 1: needed to go through that to strengthen our foundation. We
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  Speaker 1: needed to go through that because this baby was meant
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  Speaker 1: for us. Yeah, we needed to go through that because
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  Speaker 1: we just weren't ready, you know, for whatever reason. But yeah,
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  Speaker 1: yourself awareness is so amazing. It's amazing.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and what a beautiful time now for you to
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  Speaker 2: even do like some self inquiry with your partner and go, Okay, well,
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  Speaker 2: if this is something that we want, what in our
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: relationship can we work on to improve so that by
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  Speaker 2: the time we do have a child and bring that
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  Speaker 2: baby into the world, that we have like the most
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  Speaker 2: rock solid foundations that they do.
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  Speaker 1: Though, Yeah, they sound so rock solid. I don't think
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  Speaker 1: it's them. I think it's like him wanting to have
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  Speaker 1: his career and her wanting kids earlier than what he did. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: he wanted to be more set up financially, but they
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  Speaker 1: sound so rock solid. Yeah, the communication and the connection
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  Speaker 1: and their trust and they sound awesome.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, one hundred percent, absolutely, But I think it's like
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  Speaker 2: one of those things where it's just like a perspective
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  Speaker 2: shift almost of like, oh, you know, what can we
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  Speaker 2: control in this moment?
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  Speaker 1: What can we do?
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  Speaker 2: What can we focus on, you know, and allowing the
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  Speaker 2: pain to still be there, grieve, create space for her
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  Speaker 2: to be sad about wanting to have children not yet
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  Speaker 2: having that, but then going like, what is beautiful in
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  Speaker 2: my life now? How can I expand on that and
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  Speaker 2: make that bigger and better and grander, you know, and
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  Speaker 2: really like savor in the gratitude of like all the
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: things that are here now, so that when the baby
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  Speaker 2: does come eventually and it's the time, and it'll be like,
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  Speaker 2: oh my God, like like what you mentioned before, of course,
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  Speaker 2: like of course this was meant to be the timeline
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  Speaker 2: that we were on.
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  Speaker 1: And also have that discussion. Now, Okay, you can get
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: pregnant on your period, which is super rare. You guys
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: are very different. Have that conversation. If this is to
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  Speaker 1: happen in the next month, in six months or twelve months,
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  Speaker 1: this is what will feel good for me. This is
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: what I want to do moving forward, Like I don't
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: want to live with any other great, I don't want
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: to put my body through another abortion. Yeah, I don't
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: want to be having blood clots and going through that physically,
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  Speaker 1: emotionally meant to Like, that's a lot for a female
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  Speaker 1: to hold, absolutely going through one abortion. I haven't been through.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: But if you guys miss Tiana's episode, she went through that,
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  Speaker 1: and it's so much to hold. Yeah, pain and the
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: grief and the memory like that stays.
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  Speaker 2: In your body, the mental and emotional stress that takes
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: with that. Yeah, and doing it alone as well makes
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: it a lot harder.
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  Speaker 1: So to go through that a third time, that's a
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  Speaker 1: discussion in itself to have. And you're also so ready
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: to be a mom excited like you're eternal, you love kids. Yeah,
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: that's a beautiful place to be. Yeah, and you guys
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: have a beautiful relationship, Like the baby's gonna be born
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  Speaker 1: from a place of love and that's amazing. So I
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: would be having those conversations as well, like if this
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  Speaker 1: is to happen again, which is very likely, Yeah, then
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: what does that look like so that you don't have
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: to put your body through that because I don't think
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  Speaker 1: you want to and you're allowed to onor that as well.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, knowing that before that's such a powerful piece of
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  Speaker 2: advice because knowing that beforehand is only going to help
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  Speaker 2: you feel more sure and certain and feel good just
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: in case it does happen.
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  Speaker 1: And you're having that conversation when you're not in a
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: highly emotional state. You're having it when you're both really
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: regulated and think, like from your heart, but also quite
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: logically as well, like your full clarity, because you're in
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: that state to have that conversation was when you're actually pregnant,
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: you're going through that, emotions are high, and yeah it's
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: a lot harder. Yeah, yeah, thank you for bringing that in.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: And when one day you do feel pregnant, would love
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: to hear from you and let us know, congratulate you
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: and send you a lots of love and yeah, thank
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: you for being so vulnerable here on the Bestie segment.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll see you guys on S.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Bye, m