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Tricia Nelson | The Christian Reeve Podcast | #101 | · The Christian Reeve Podcast

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Hello and welcome to another episode of the Christian Reef
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podcast. Today's guest is an emotional
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eating expert and author of heal your hunger 7.
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Simple steps to end emotional eating now and name is Tricia
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Nelson. Welcome to the show.
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Trish, how you did? Thanks so much for having me.
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I'm doing great. It's a pleasure to have you.
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When I told my audience about this, they were pretty excited
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naturally. Because it's, I mean, obviously,
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we all eat. And you know, I stretched
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straight away when I was I was looking To your stuff.
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I was thinking about, you know, various times in my life when
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I've sort of, like, done come for eating and stuff like that.
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So this sure it's something that we can all kind of relate to
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question about it. One thing I wanted to sort of
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touch on straight away because I noticed this in your bio, you
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actually had your own kind of weight-loss Journey, which is
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what kind of started all of this and eventually use or going into
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what you do now. So I kind of wanted to ask you,
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what point did you decide to make that change?
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And how did you go about that change?
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I talk us through that process. Sure.
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Yeah, I was really hopeless. I mean, I I think, as far back
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as I can remember, I was an emotional eater and very much
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obsessed with food. Of course, I wasn't aware of
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being an emotional eater, that's kind of a newish term, you know?
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And so I just thought, I like food, I like to cook.
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I like to, you know, prepare food for other people, go out to
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dinner. You know, the whole nine yards,
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but food is a big highlight for Me and so I didn't think a lot
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about it, but I did think a lot about my weight because I was
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overweight and by age 20, I was 50 pounds overweight and so that
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was really frustrating to me and I tried all the diets and pills
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and potions and lotions and 12-step programs and self-help
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books. I tried so many things and
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nothing really gave me, you know, the, the success I was
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looking for, I mean, I could lose weight for period of time,
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but I'd always gain. It back.
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So I'd like lose 3, then gained 20 of it back and then lose 10
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and then go up 20 you know, I was just all over the map and I
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had like five different sizes of pants in my closet because I
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never knew what sighs I was going to be.
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So it's very much a yo-yo Dieter, you know, and so is so
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frustrating and one day my sister, you know, came home and
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announced that she was an emotional eater and I did not
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like my sister. And so I pretty much just
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counted everything she said. So I'm like, that's the
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stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
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But once you hear it, you can't unhear it.
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And so after that, I started to notice like, wow, my eating is
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not normal. Like I'm not exactly like my
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friends, like we'd go out to eat and, you know, they'd order a
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sandwich and it would come with fries and they eat their
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sandwich and pick up their fries.
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Well, I'd eat my fries and pick up my Sam.
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Omelettes. And I'd be like I sit there and
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think how could they leave french fries on their plate?
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Like that's like that's the best part, you know?
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And so I started to realize that my eating was different like
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somebody we having a hot fudge sundae, no ice cream with fudge
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sauce and all this and and and they'd like eat part of it.
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And then they'd push it away and say, oh, I just can't eat
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anymore. And I think what?
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Like what how could you leave that in the dish?
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Like, that's crazy. I would never do that.
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So I started to realize I was not The same as my friends.
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And so over time, I really noticed that my relationship was
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very emotional. My relationship with food, and
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went Way Beyond what I needed nutritionally, I was Comfort
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eating a lot, and so that really started to weigh on me, so to
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speak. And then the weight, of course,
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was a problem, but I felt very hopeless.
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And so my Turning Point came, when I had lost quite a lot of
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weight and was just About to gain it back like that.
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I'd done that so many times and I was at this point where I
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thought, you know what, I'm about to go up the scale, again,
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I started to kind of lose control and I thought I can't do
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this for the rest of my life. It's so unhealthy and it's
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frustrating, because I'm trying, like, that's not like, I'm just
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sitting around, eating bonbons, like, I really am giving it a
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serious College, try here, and nothing's working.
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So, by the grace of God, I met somebody who has a spiritual
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healer who had been, oh, Beast and lost the way and I was able
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to show me that. My problem really wasn't food or
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wait, it was a deeper issue. I had to take that deeper
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Journey with and deal with the underlying causes and that
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turned everything around for me. And and I began to just live
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this healing path of clearing out the things that were
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blocking me and making me feel bad about myself.
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So in the process of cleaning up my eating and getting, you know,
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really having a whole new relationship with food, I also
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is having a new relationship Myself and they really, they go
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hand-in-hand and that's what changed everything for me.
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And then from that point on, I started working to help others
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to have the experience I had had.
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And that's how he'll your hunger came about, you know, several
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decades later. But that's, that's what's
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resulted in the work that I do with people all around the globe
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who have emotional eating, right?
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And this is the podcast that you host this.
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Centered around this. I tell us a little bit more
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about this podcast and kind of, like, what, what is the purpose
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of it? What's the structure of what can
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people kind of come to expect each time?
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They listen to it. Yeah.
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So the heal your hunger show which can be found on, you know,
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most searches for podcast. The Hillier hunger show, I've
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had like, over 300 episodes and there's a balance between my
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experiences. So I do kind of our riffing
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show, which is just me talking about the latest, aha.
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Had in my own life and my experience with food and really
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my experience with life because my show is not about diets and
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calories. And you know what, you should
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eat because my experience is, anybody who struggles with food
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and weight is pretty clued in as to what they should and
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shouldn't be eating. You know, like salads are
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typically healthier than pizza. Right.
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Pizza and cookies. So so it's not like we're
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stupid, like we get it, we know. It's healthy.
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But the kicker is that we can't follow through on what we know
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and so that gap of knowing what to eat but not being able to
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follow through. That's really where, you know,
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where my show comes in. And I talked about that Gap
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because my experience is, it's not really an eating problem, as
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much as it's a living problem, you know, and the way we live,
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the way we show up in life is creating the stress that we then
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stress eat over. And so that's really what I talk
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about is real stuff. Friends relationships, You Know,
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Places a friction in our life that we tend to resort to food
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to deal with. I think that with the kind of
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the Crux of the argument that you're proposing.
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There's a lot that I agree with, but then there's kind of
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elements that I'm unsure about. Like, I give you an example,
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like sir, obviously, there were people out in the world that,
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you know, have Heimer. Sorry, low metabolism.
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So obviously they pick up. Wait just quicker and some
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people have the reverse as well so they can, like, never put on
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weight. I've had friends who've had that
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issue too. And then, of course, there's
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just people that are unfortunately, born larger, and
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they have to work. They say like three four times,
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the work in terms of things like exercise and what they eat in
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order to change the situation. What would you say?
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Like, how does what you do kind of mixed with that?
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Because I feel like with eating, like there is always an
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emotional Relationship with food.
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It's just the nature of what it is and what it represents for us
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as human beings. But in those particular
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instances, like, do you think there's still an emotional link
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there? Or is it just purely like a
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physical issue? They have to try and overcome.
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I think, it's rarely just physical.
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Hmm. I mean, I had a slow metabolism,
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I gained weight and into the genetics.
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Also, both my parents were overweight growing up, so I have
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this genetics are stacked against me for sure.
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Sure, you know? And yet I also had this very
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involved relationship with food that went beyond nutritional.
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So while there are definitely physical issues.
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You know, there can be hormonal imbalances, there can be medic
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medications that cause weight gain for sure, but typically
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even if somebody has some of those imbalances, if it's been a
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chronic struggle for them typically, there's an emotional
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eating involved as well, they may not be aware of Like
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emotional eating still somewhat of a New Concept.
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So I have people tell me, you know, they're obese and they're
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say, I don't I don't think I'm an emotional eater.
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You know what I tell them is? Well, it's possible.
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But what's also possible is you just don't know it because it's
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working you know like like the thing about emotional eating as
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we eat to numb out to numb our feelings and so and it's
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effective like when we carbs and sugar and you know, high calorie
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foods we don't feel as much and So we're not aware of our
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feelings in which case we could be like emotions, what emotions.
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But it doesn't mean we're not emotional eating, so a lot of
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its just ones awareness and that's why I appreciate you
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having me on the show because I'm more people as I said you
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can't unlearn this stuff. You know it's like once you
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start to see it it's really hard to forget it.
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So you know, I would just say if somebody is, you know, if it's
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been a struggle for any length of time, you know, and the
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yo-yoing is happening or just it in and even, you know, they're
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like, A lot of myths around emotional eating, like somebody
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doesn't have to be overweight to be an emotional eater.
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Like, you can still have a very emotional attachment to food and
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be a normal weight. You just might exercise more or
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be very controlling around what you eat, but you can still be
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super tied in on an emotional level of food.
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Also, like you brought up, you can be somebody who's got a
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really Speedy metabolism, or somebody who under eats, but in
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my experience, if you're very controlling a restrictive with
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food, That's emotionally driven as well.
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Okay. So so typically it's like, you
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know, we're controlling because we're afraid of to be out of
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control, you know. And so that's a thing to.
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Why are you afraid to be out of control?
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Well, because I probably would be if I weren't restricting.
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So tightly, you know, and so and I'm also super obsessed with my
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weight. Like I'm so scared of getting
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fat, you know? And that's, that's a thing in
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and of itself. So, Emotionally.
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I use the words emotional eating as sort of an umbrella, you
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know, term for disordered eating of any kind.
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Okay. So when we just have this
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relationship with food that's involved and, you know,
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complicated it's generally you know, a subset of emotional
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eating in general so I don't call them Eating Disorders
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because people think bulimia anorexia that the extremes but
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it doesn't have to be that and it's really a spectrum.
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Um, you know, I as you said I think we all comfort eat.
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I totally agree. I think we're hardwired to have
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some kind of emotional connection with food.
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So we will eat, you don't like we can't blow it off, we gotta
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do it. And so I think we're just made
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to have something. You know that kicks in where
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there is some emotional satisfaction from eating as well
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as the physical nourishment. It's just that some people take
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it too far, like I did. I was a binge eater.
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I could eat 3,000 calories in. Sitting, you know, I'd eat ice
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cream and then cookies, and then you have to have some salty with
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the sweet. So then I have the chips, you
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know, and it just kind of went on and on to the point where I
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felt so sick, I was hating myself and just like, what have
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I done? Why did I do that?
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I should have been more careful. Like what was I thinking?
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You know, and so that's on the higher end of the spectrum.
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I was more of a food addict you know, versus just an emotional
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eater. So I Have a quiz on my website,
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that's free that people can take and find out where they are on
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that spectrum because it's definitely Spectrum.
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We're not all in the same place. Our relationship with food is
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very individual. You know, our relationship with
12:43
food is very similar to our relationship with money.
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Like we have to have it like to get on in this world we have to
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have it and we have to deal with it and manage it, you know?
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And sometimes we can get out of control or we can go to the
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extremes like we can be super miserly, you know, and barely
13:01
Any money or we can binge spend, you know, or run ourselves up
13:05
into debt, you know, and so it's a constant relationship that's
13:10
growing and changing and flowing, you know.
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And it's very much indicative of our relationship with ourselves,
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you know, so both food and money, you know, are very
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similar in that we have to deal with ourselves and what's going
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on on the inside. If we really want to have peace
13:27
and flow on the outside, with these symptoms, didn't agree, Be
13:31
more with the yeah, this past year and a half is of very much
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been on that kind of wave as far as not just with food but just
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in general I think it's a good kind of life lesson but I had a
13:44
bit of an experience recently because in what you were just
13:47
talking about that, I'd probably place myself at the kind of like
13:50
food addicts thing, you know, like, I can be healthy.
13:52
I know how to eat properly, and I had to be sensible, went to
13:54
train more excetera, but yeah, I definitely eat a lot.
13:57
And there's this place that I do volunteering at every They
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write. And at one point, they asked me
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to help out in the kitchen and I did it a few times.
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It was, it was a new thing to me because I normally help out
14:09
elsewhere in this place, right? And so naturally obviously, you
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know, you cook the food, whatever, and you start dishing
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out to people, right? And people obviously pick their
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portions that you can kind you're gonna go like would you
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like some more or less like ones?
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Like, blah blah, blah? All right, and I kind of just
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put started putting out the portions and like I saw the look
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on people's faces like Wow, that's a lot.
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And I was like, it is. Oh right?
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Yeah, to me that's normal but right right?
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It's what I would have done the same thing they say is you're
14:48
right though so hard. Then you, I mean it's I agree
14:50
with your your analysis of it being like a spectral.
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I think it's it's relative for everyone and, you know, we're
14:57
all so different, you know? Like I'm this leads me to my
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next Point actually. So, In a lot of your studies and
15:05
everything that you do, you have this kind of free meal, magic
15:08
concept that you've sort of referred to in various
15:10
interviews and stuff. And when I looked into, it's
15:12
basically the standard kind of, you know, three meals a day, do
15:15
breakfast, lunch, and dinner, however, you want to do it but
15:17
like, sticking to that concept and I think for many people that
15:22
can work, I found it doesn't personally work for me.
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I felt like two meals a day. Seems to work well, I just can't
15:29
eat breakfast for every reason done a while.
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Hi Pam, been able to since its young age.
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So I guess my question in this is like, can this realistically
15:38
be applied to everyone? Or do we kind of need to figure
15:41
out our own routines? Where this is concerned?
15:44
Yeah. Well, the three mil magic plan,
15:46
which is eating three meals, with nothing in between is a
15:49
very balanced way to eat. And and I find I do a lot of
15:54
networking with kind of cutting-edge holistic, health
15:58
practitioners and doctors. And now, Days.
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It really is the trend, you know, used to be 0, 6, small
16:05
meals, or whatever, always keep eating.
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And, you know, that's exhausting like to be thinking about food
16:10
all day long. Yeah, so so nowadays, I find
16:15
that a lot of, you know, sort of Forward Thinking nutritionist
16:19
and health gurus are now, talking about the three meals
16:22
because it gives your body time to digest.
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You know, we know a lot more about our digestive system and
16:28
how intelligent it is. And, you know, Putting food in
16:32
and then giving it a rest, you know, and not keeping feeding
16:35
the funnel putting food in the funnel is really healthy because
16:38
it does give your body time to do.
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What it needs to do with that food.
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You know? Get the nutrients where they
16:43
need to go and, you know, the waist where it needs to go.
16:46
So generally just physically, it's recommended, but not for
16:51
everybody, you know, my experience says we can't.
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Well, I'll just finish that thought and just say that for
16:57
me, it's not the physical as much as it is the emotional
17:00
because we're Eating all day and emotional eaters tend to be
17:03
snackers. And so, you know, nibbling all
17:07
day long just keeps us numb and unaware of what our feelings
17:11
are. And so, the three, no magic.
17:13
For me is a way for people to start tuning into what those
17:16
emotions are. And if you, you, it's hard to
17:19
heal your hunger if you don't feel some hunger.
17:22
And so when you feel a little bit of hunger, you also get more
17:25
in tune with some of the emotions that may be driving
17:30
your eating and so it's Really more of a tool to begin, begin
17:33
to have more of an emotional connection with what's going on
17:37
internally. But I will say that my
17:41
recommendation to my clients is always that they first of all
17:46
deal with their emotions, so they can differentiate between
17:49
physical and emotional hunger. But also, to follow their bodies
17:54
guidance and I am in no position to tell people what to eat when
17:58
to eat or anything. I'll give you a recommend Doing
18:01
this work for over 30 years, I'll give you a recommendation
18:04
that if you're an emotional eater, probably the easiest plan
18:07
is going to be the three meals because they're an equally
18:09
spaced out and equally sized meals in general.
18:13
Like the same rough amount of calories per meal.
18:16
So your body gets used to the same amount of food each meal
18:19
time and then that helps, you know, when it's physical or
18:23
emotional hunger as well, because you get used to a
18:26
certain amount of food and then you can kind of tell when you're
18:28
fall or still hungry. But that said, ultimately, it's
18:35
really important that we listen to the wisdom of our Divinity,
18:39
you know, and our bodies, you know, which to me, that's all
18:42
it's all housed in the same place, our body Temple, houses
18:45
are Divine wisdom. And so I mean, spiritually
18:48
speaking. So my experience I tell people
18:51
we all have a Divine physician you know, and the more still and
18:54
quiet. We get the less activity we have
18:57
in our life because Overeaters tend to be over doers.
19:00
So I certainly And slowing down and tuning in.
19:04
You know, the more we do to in in though, the more we'll know
19:06
what's right for our bodies. Now I do have clients who are on
19:10
the to meal plan when they come to me for help with emotional
19:13
eating. And I do find that sometimes
19:16
they just it's just a distribution issue.
19:18
Like because they eat two meals, they're not hungry for
19:21
breakfast. Like if you need a bigger meal
19:23
at dinner you're not really going to be hungry for
19:25
breakfast. So if you kind of change the
19:27
quantities and start, you know, putting it in three different
19:32
packages, you know, of meals, chances are you can start to
19:36
develop hunger in the morning. But that's not to say that's
19:38
your case. You know, you, you know, what's
19:40
best for your body and that's really the key in my experience
19:44
is, you know, not to have the stem like stimuli come from
19:49
outside of us. But to start to listen inside.
19:51
So you can read books, you can listen to gurus, you know, get
19:56
help specifically for emotional eating which is what I do
19:59
obviously. But I Always want to defer to
20:03
people's you know Divine physician and say you ultimately
20:07
know best you could you're the one who feels what happens in
20:09
your body when you eat, you know, and don't eat.
20:12
And so ultimately it's really about getting a connection with
20:15
yourself so you can listen more, you know, intently into what's
20:19
best for you. What are the most surprising
20:23
statistics that you've discovered with your studies
20:25
into emotional eating? Well, I think I mean there's not
20:32
a lot, the surprising to me because I've been an emotional
20:34
eater for so long and I've been researching this for so long.
20:38
But surprising to other people I think are some of the, you know,
20:42
think that busting of the myths, like the idea that you don't
20:45
have to be a Binger to be in an emotional eater.
20:48
Like people think that somebody who sits down and eats 3000
20:51
Always like I did but that's not true.
20:54
You know, it can be somebody who just, you know, is obsessed with
20:58
food like even though they're very controlled with food still,
21:01
if it preoccupies their mind, like they can't stop thinking
21:04
about food and it takes them out of their present, that can be a
21:08
sign of emotional eating, you know, or they're just super
21:12
obsessed with her body. Like they can't let go of their
21:16
self-criticism, around their body, you know, they can't stop.
21:21
Thinking there's something wrong with them, you know.
21:24
And the more we think there's something wrong with us, guess
21:26
what? The more there is something
21:27
wrong with us and so that the feeling of Peace around, one's
21:31
body is very elusive. When you're an emotional eater
21:35
because at that plays into the whole thing, you know, the all
21:38
the games we play with food. Also, people, you know,
21:42
sometimes an emotional eater eating takes the form of just
21:47
the food choices that we make. So for choosing, if we tend to
21:50
be into the Carbs, like we can't stay away from bread or were
21:53
always, you know, if we have a choice of broccoli, or potatoes,
21:56
sweet potatoes, you know, even Troy's of banana and apple eat
22:00
the banana wheat. The heavier more dense foods,
22:03
more carb rich foods because they serve a purpose of
22:07
deadening our emotions. You don't have to be a Binger to
22:10
be emotional eater. Just some of your choices if
22:13
they're there were choosing those because that makes us feel
22:17
more grounded and safe because it's heavier and more dense.
22:21
That's an emotional Choice as well.
22:23
So there's a lot more to it than just like, eating too much or
22:26
binge eating some. Yeah.
22:30
So I guess like, in a way almost what you're saying as well is
22:34
that like in our kind of this When we're trying to become
22:41
full, you know, to, you know, fill full.
22:44
So we have energy and stuff. Actually, what we're really
22:46
doing is trying to kind of fill some sort of emotional hole or
22:49
feel better about ourselves and stuff like that.
22:52
So it's there's a deeper look like whether we believe that or
22:55
not is kind of what you're saying, it's still the case.
22:58
Yeah, absolutely. And again, thank you for having
23:01
me on because I think anytime somebody hears this kind of
23:03
conversation it's going to drop them deeper, you know.
23:07
It's going to help this at least food for thought.
23:10
So um so yes. Absolutely you know and what's
23:16
also true. Another common myth is that it's
23:19
about the food in the weight and it really isn't, you know I mean
23:23
overweight comes from over eating and overeating comes from
23:27
What's Eating me. And so I think it's so intuitive
23:34
that we would just think if I feel fat or my pants don't fit,
23:38
I got to do. Do something about my weight, I
23:41
gotta attack it, go get on a diet, get the, you know, the
23:45
next fad diet and restrict my eating and exercise a lot and
23:50
I'll be good. The problem is, it doesn't
23:53
usually work out that way. So, you know, night,
23:56
statistically speaking 98% of all diets fail.
24:00
And so that's a abysmal statistic.
24:03
So if somebody chronically struggles with food and weight
24:06
and they go on a diet, they're going to gain the weight back if
24:09
they lose. Honey, you know, they're going
24:10
to gain it back within, you know, for me, it was weeks.
24:14
I mean, I could die it for a couple weeks and I'll be like,
24:16
Katie bar the door. Like, I've got to have my
24:18
sweets, you know, because I was a sugar addict, but in general,
24:23
the diet mentality of attacking end up the symptom level, the
24:28
symptom of food and weight will fail because, you know, we
24:32
didn't get overweight just by overeating.
24:36
It did come from What's Eating us and So that's where we need
24:40
to drop into in order to have lasting success with weight
24:43
loss. And so, you know, that's a
24:46
deeper conversation but we have to get off the diet track and
24:49
so, so much of what I do is try to get my clients to stop the
24:53
black and white thinking. This food is good, that's food
24:55
is bad, you know, I did good today.
24:58
You know, we all have, I'm did good.
24:59
I must be doing good and then boom.
25:01
Next day, you know, we're in the food again so I can try to get
25:04
people off the diet mentality. I even tell them to throw away
25:07
their scales. So Or at least hide them
25:11
somewhere. I can't get to him regularly,
25:14
you know, because we have to stop focusing on the symptoms
25:18
and start dealing with the real problem, you know.
25:21
And what is there? A problem with my experience is,
25:24
it's not an eating problem, but a living problem.
25:28
What I mean by that is, there are certain ways that we are
25:31
living that create the stress that we stress eat over, you
25:36
know. And so we have to deal with our
25:38
stress. We have Have to look at what's
25:40
causing the stress and how can we make changes in how we live?
25:45
So we don't end up, you know, with so much stress that we
25:48
stress eat over and that, you know, no diets.
25:50
Going to give you that and dies, don't give you tools.
25:54
You know, replacement tools. I mean, we diet we take away all
25:58
our yummy foods and we expect to be happy.
26:00
Well what we've taken away is our primary coping tool, you
26:04
know, and we have to have new coping tools if we're going to
26:08
stay. You know, with our healthy
26:10
eating plan and I don't give you healthy coping tools, you know?
26:14
And so that's what we need is. We need a new way to deal with
26:17
our stress a new way to cope with life's problems because
26:23
before food was are you know, that's what we turn to.
26:26
So we have to have a new way of coping.
26:29
And so I always say it's a living problem, not an eating
26:32
problem. Let's let's start addressing our
26:33
living problem and ways to and you know, be healthy around
26:38
proud. The problems of life and would
26:42
you say the Quinta statistics that women are more prone or men
26:47
are more prone to emotional eating?
26:50
I think it's probably a woman you know I mean certainly women
26:53
are more aware of it but I think women I think you know typically
26:58
wear more emotional you know, we're more in touch with their
27:01
emotions. We react to life in a more
27:04
emotional way versus intellectual mental.
27:09
A and we also are more in touch with our emotions typically than
27:13
men are again. I'm generalizing it's not true
27:16
for everybody. But yeah.
27:20
And I also, you know, I think women's bodies, we tend to gain
27:23
weight very easily. You know, we have we store more
27:26
fat, so it's more of a relationship, right?
27:30
It's more of a rocky relationship, this food thing,
27:33
you know, with our bodies and gaining weight easily.
27:35
So I wish more men from there, certainly.
27:39
Huge, you know, obesity issue with men as well as women.
27:43
So there's no question a lot more men are emotionally eating
27:46
than they're aware of and I wish they would you know, get more
27:51
hip to it but it's happening more and more, you know.
27:55
But it's vital for men and women to start realizing that we are
27:58
emotional beings like it or not. And often we're turning to food
28:03
to stuff those emotions. Would you say there is a motion?
28:09
You know, reason for why we tend to feel sick when we're hungry
28:13
or was it purely just that were bodies are missing things that
28:17
we need? Yeah.
28:18
I mean I don't know what you mean by sick.
28:20
Exactly. So like, you know, like when
28:22
it's when you haven't eaten for like a long time and you're, you
28:25
know, you really need to eat kind of thing and like your
28:28
typical. I think many of us would
28:29
probably think that's not why I need to eat.
28:32
Yeah, my body's missing certain things.
28:34
Yeah, I mean that's that's that's natural.
28:37
He like, of course we're going to be hungry.
28:38
I And that's, you know, when I get hungry, it's been 5 or 6
28:42
hours from my last meal. I start to get a little cranky.
28:46
And like, where's the food? You know?
28:48
So and I'm on the three mil magic plans.
28:51
So you know, I don't snack in between my hold out for my next
28:55
meal but and I do things to help that, you know, some self-care
29:00
tools that can help lessen. My sense of urgency around food.
29:04
But yeah, I think those are normal signals that our body
29:07
gives us, you know? And so we will eat.
29:11
Yes it is. There's no the commotion of
29:12
reason there is purely just body driven by, I'm sorry.
29:15
Yeah, I know I kind of felt like silly asking that but it wasn't
29:19
okay. It was a question for one of my
29:20
followers and I thought, you know what, there might be
29:22
something in that, you know, I think that because one of the
29:25
things I think I've discovered with this conversation is as you
29:30
say there is that kind of deeper link, you know what I mean?
29:32
Because I think a lot of the time, many of us just dismiss
29:35
this idea that emotions are attached to eating, except for
29:38
when we're Coffee. Obviously, we all realize that
29:41
that's purely emotion because we feel bad.
29:43
First thing we do eat to feel better and we know that
29:45
consciously it's the same reason we some of us drink or some of
29:49
us have snacks or whatever so yeah together.
29:53
Yeah, yeah, but it's also important to note too that we do
29:59
have, you know, I find the emotional eaters.
30:01
Do you have kind of an internal alarm system?
30:04
So not only if we haven't, if we haven't eaten for a long period
30:08
of time now, Why are we super hungry and we have the regular
30:11
hunger signals, but we do often also have kind of an alert
30:16
system where we might have a deep blind belief.
30:21
It's kind of primitive that's that we're going to die if we
30:26
don't get food. So my feelings are on food could
30:29
be a little more dramatic than your average person.
30:32
We wear. When I'm super hungry, part of
30:35
me feels like I will die if I don't eat soon.
30:39
Which is totally irrational. But if you've used food as your
30:44
primary way of coping in life, like as a kid, we didn't have a
30:48
lot of options, you know, as kids, you know, for numbing out
30:52
for killing pain or dealing with trauma and so food was right
30:57
there. There for us.
30:58
I mean say, you know, you could argue food saved Our Lives, you
31:02
know, for emotional eaters that had trauma.
31:04
Especially you know, when you didn't have ways to deal with
31:08
the pain, And you over eight, which I did, you know, it might
31:13
have saved us, it might have helped us from, you know,
31:16
jumping off a bridge. So I'm very grateful for food
31:19
from that standpoint. But I also got that sort of
31:23
internal queue system that was like because food was a survival
31:27
skill for me, overeating. You know that there's still that
31:31
that underlying believe kind of primitive belief that you know,
31:35
if I don't eat, I'll die. What's the best way to support
31:42
person that suffering from an eating disorder?
31:45
So it's not you it's you know, you see a person there in need,
31:48
you know what, we'll, what can you do as a friend or family
31:51
member? Yeah, it's very hard.
31:53
You know, if somebody's not ready to deal with it, they may
31:56
be touchy and you know defensive and they might have had several
32:01
people talk to them in which case they're they feel
32:04
alienated, you know. I I do recommend my book.
32:08
My heal your hunger book which is on Amazon because it's
32:12
sometimes a good way to kind of introduce the idea to somebody
32:16
because a lot of people especially if they're overweight
32:20
they've tried so many things to stop overeating and the it's
32:23
mostly been symptom related. Like they've been doing the
32:26
diets. They've been doing the weight
32:28
loss programs and it hasn't worked because it's symptom
32:31
related, it doesn't deal with the real problem.
32:33
So there's a big sense of defeat and you kind of feel like a
32:37
loser like Wow. Everybody's used to lose weight
32:39
but me, you know, and nothing works for me.
32:42
So so in their mind it's like to have somebody say gee you know,
32:47
be great if you lost weight. First of all duh they're we're
32:50
very aware of it, you know. But also part of the may feel
32:56
like yeah I've tried everything, I can't do another diet like
32:59
it's don't like like to suggest that I do something about my
33:02
weight. To them means I should go on
33:06
another diet. But I've tried so many They
33:08
haven't worked. So there's sort of a sense of
33:10
defeat, you know, and hopelessness.
33:13
And so the good news is there is another way you don't have to
33:16
diet in order to lose weight you can address emotional eating
33:20
your relationship with food, you know, lower your stress and have
33:24
new self-care tools and boom in a non dieting fashion.
33:28
You can lose weight and keep it off.
33:29
That's what I teach. So, what I recommend is my book
33:33
to people because it's sort of a very gentle, you can say, hey, I
33:37
learned I heard this. Cool podcast.
33:39
This guy does these really cool interviews and I heard this
33:42
woman talked about her weight struggles, you know, and her
33:45
journey of healing. It's in this book, you know?
33:49
And so I recommended people give that book and I've had people be
33:52
very successful with that, like, this is a really cool idea
33:55
because it has nothing to do with diets.
33:57
And I think that's the important thing to say is somebody is like
34:00
there is a way to have a healthy relationship with food and you
34:04
don't have to talk about weight loss or weight gain of
34:07
somebody's under way. Just talk about a healthier
34:09
relationship with food. Mostly, it's a whole book.
34:14
It's heal your hunger 7. Simple steps to and emotional
34:18
eating. Now, we obviously talked about
34:20
in the Preamble, in your best way of summarizing it, what are
34:25
these kind of seven? Simple steps?
34:27
Obviously, you've already highlighted, it's about
34:30
addressing that deeper issue. The emotional things that are
34:35
within us and addressing that, as opposed to addressing the, as
34:39
you put it, you know, the The treating the issue and not a
34:46
problem. Yeah, yeah.
34:47
So yeah, symptom not the problems.
34:49
If that's the word. I was the ha ha ha ha.
34:53
Yeah, yeah. So my process it, which is very,
34:57
it's laid out of seven steps for sure.
34:59
In in the nice thing about what I offer people is, it's not
35:03
nebulous, you know, you'll hear around the food.
35:07
Conversation words like moderation, just moderate, like
35:10
just moderate how many sweets you eat.
35:12
Well, for an emotional eater, that's not so easy, you know?
35:15
Like like I can't just moderate it.
35:17
Once I eat one, I want to eat a whole lot.
35:19
You know, we hear people talk about intuitive eating.
35:23
Well, the problem with me is my intuition was off on food
35:27
because of my emotional life that was dysregulated, and I was
35:31
using food to, to cover up. So, I would into it, that I
35:35
should eat way more times than I should, you know.
35:38
So my intuition was off so intuitive eating, didn't really
35:41
serve me. And then the idea of mindful
35:44
eating didn't really serve me because I could be mindful that.
35:46
I was overeating, but it didn't stop me from overeating.
35:49
So, and again, those concepts are sound, but put them through
35:55
the lens of an emotional eater. And the experience of emotional
35:57
eater, they don't always pan out.
35:59
So I have a very specific step-by-step process so that
36:03
people can take the, you know, sort of the woowoo, out of it.
36:08
The nebula sness out of it and have very specific steps.
36:10
So this step Oops. You know, it would take a long
36:14
time to go through all of them but what they are it's a process
36:18
of starting to get in tune in and touch a process of getting
36:22
centered. So one of the steps is literally
36:24
centeredness and in that in that process is set 6, self-care
36:31
success secrets and these are ways of Bringing Down the stress
36:35
starting the day by putting money in your spiritual bank
36:39
account, is what I call it, because by you.
36:42
Our willpower strongest in the morning and it wanes, you know,
36:45
as the day goes on, because we're adding stress to our day,
36:49
that's why people have trouble at the end of the day or late
36:52
afternoon. Like, there are tired.
36:54
They've got a slump and they're looking for chocolate or coffee
36:57
as a quick fix, you know? Well meditation can help with
37:01
that, you know, writing reading to going for a walk, you know.
37:05
So I have self-care tools for people, but we start first thing
37:08
in the morning with putting money in our spiritual Bank.
37:12
Account with things that can bring down our stress and help
37:15
us just get centered, you know, when we wake up and we start
37:18
reacting to the stress of the day, the emails, you know the
37:21
the text the Instagram, all of a sudden we're just ricocheting
37:26
off of one demand in the next and it's really important to
37:30
start the day getting still and quiet and centered like tapping
37:35
in and tuning in with our divine self, you know, and then we can
37:39
go through the day drawing on. You know, the money we put in
37:43
that spiritual bank account. So later in the day, we can draw
37:46
from that resource because when we're at a resources, we turn to
37:50
food, you know, for quick energy, that's just what we
37:53
depend on. And we have to develop these
37:55
self-care tools. And so that's all, you know, a
37:58
big part of what I teach. I also teach communication
38:01
skills because emotional eaters tend to eat their words, okay?
38:06
They tend to be afraid of saying, how they feel about
38:08
something. And so I Really T Teach them how
38:13
to start speaking up because they don't know like we're
38:15
searched emotional eaters or people Pleasers.
38:18
So we want everybody to like us. So it's hard for us to speak up
38:23
for ourselves. It's hard to say, no, that's not
38:25
okay or no, that doesn't work for me.
38:28
Or I'd rather go to this restaurant instead of that one,
38:30
because it's a lot less greasy. It's got a cleaner place to eat,
38:34
like, even saying our choice of restaurants.
38:37
Sometimes can be hard like standing for ourselves.
38:42
Our self-esteem has been pretty battered, you know, growing up
38:46
with a weight problem. Let's say, or just feeling
38:48
different in some way. And so, having the self-esteem
38:52
to stand for our choices and our preferences is not easy.
38:56
So there's a lot of that involved.
38:59
There's there's Community, you know, my programs are all about
39:03
connecting in community and I have a free Facebook group
39:07
that's private that people can connect with other emotional
39:11
eaters. And so Community is very
39:13
important as well. Because emotional eaters tend to
39:16
think they're the only ones who've done the crazy things
39:18
they've done with food, you know?
39:20
Like I used to. I mean, honestly when I binged
39:24
and I'd be done like I couldn't eat, I couldn't possibly eat
39:27
anymore and I tried vomiting that didn't work, so thank God
39:31
so I would just stuff myself and then I feel so gross that I'd
39:34
throw the rest of the food out when I just couldn't possibly
39:37
eat another bite at through the rest of the food out.
39:39
But later later, Jen, I would go back, and I dig out those
39:45
cookies that I knew were there. And I believe, like, oh my God,
39:49
like, I just ate food from the trash, like, how bad am I?
39:54
You know, but turns out lots of emotional eaters have done crazy
39:58
stuff. Like, I even had people giving
40:00
me tips, like, because I did the YouTube video.
40:09
Yeah, they're like, oh, I put coffee grounds after I throw the
40:11
food. Do I put coffee grounds or
40:13
dishwashing soap on it? So I can't possibly go back and
40:16
get him, like, wow, I never thought of that.
40:17
So, you know, clearly it's we're not the only ones who've done
40:21
these crazy things, so when we get in community with other
40:23
people who have this problem, oh my God, it takes so much the
40:27
shame out of it. The isolation out of it, it
40:30
enables us to really start to you know, feel you know to be on
40:35
a healing path and feel like we're not so bad after all we're
40:38
just, you know we're not bad. Getting good work.
40:42
You know, unwell getting well and so that helps so much.
40:46
So those are a few of the steps, you know, in my process.
40:50
Thank you for sharing. What do you think is some of the
40:53
best kind of resources out there then for emotional eaters right
40:57
now? Like what was it was a good
40:59
place to start mean obviously? Yeah, they can read your book.
41:01
They can obviously take certain steps with their current diet,
41:04
but you know, obviously you mentioned it as a community
41:07
element and I think that is always much more why just better
41:11
in general. When you know, there's other
41:12
people who understand your struggle who have right there
41:15
with you. So yeah, what are the best rule
41:17
you resources out there? Well, my private group on
41:21
Facebook is called The Secret Sauce, 2nd, emotional eating.
41:26
And so, I certainly recommend people check out that.
41:29
I also have a really active Instagram feed with really cool
41:33
posts. And that's at Tricia Nelson
41:35
underscore underscore is at the end of the word Nelson.
41:38
So it's Tricia Nelson underscore and that's really supportive.
41:42
And then my podcast as well for sure you know, and my book as I
41:47
mentioned, but I do have programs of people really want
41:50
to like Fast Track the results. I do offer programs, you know,
41:55
specifically for people to join up with a community of people
41:59
who are going through my step-by-step process.
42:02
So I offer that as well. It's just really important to
42:05
not try to do it alone, you know, and end to not try to
42:10
figure it out on your own either.
42:12
Because people are so ashamed of getting help with their food
42:15
issue. But, you know, hiring a coach is
42:17
not a shameful thing and people who are, you know, wanting to
42:22
excel in sports. You know, you know, our tennis
42:26
tennis players are tennis stars, I mean, they have more one coach
42:30
of not to coaches, you know, people in business CEOs, they
42:33
have business coaches trainers. You know, if we want to learn
42:37
how to work out, right? We're going to get a trainer you
42:40
know. But when it comes to food it's
42:41
like oh I got it I'll figure it out on my own.
42:43
Well really? Like how long you been
42:45
struggling with this thing? So chances are you don't know
42:49
how to do it. Get help.
42:50
You know it's just don't make it so hard on yourself because
42:53
that, you know, reaching out for help is one of the best steps
42:56
you can take. And also I just want to mention
42:59
that I had spoke spoken of my quiz earlier and that's a great
43:06
first step for people is to take that quiz and find out where
43:10
they are on the emotional eating.
43:12
Spectrum and that's at heal, your hunger.com.
43:16
Thank you for sharing us. Yeah it's a really positive way
43:19
of looking at actually think I suppose.
43:21
Yeah. The biggest thing that affects
43:23
us generally with eating over eating binge eating, whatever
43:26
the case may be is that feeling of guilt.
43:28
But yeah, if you if you start to look at it more practically, it
43:30
makes sense. I mean, you know, obviously the
43:33
richest in society tend to have a nutritionist or something like
43:36
that, which isn't really that dissimilar from from, from a
43:39
coach or whatever. You know, it's basically just
43:42
Someone informing you hey you should consider this.
43:44
You should consider this, a consultant, you know, we got all
43:47
sorts of people like that in our lives for various things.
43:50
So it makes sense that we would have that for what we eat.
43:53
Yeah, well in the thing is, you know, take the shame out of it
43:57
even more. Is that food is the hardest of
44:00
all addictive habits to overcome because we have to eat, you know
44:04
we have to eat three times a day.
44:06
If you're an alcoholic, you put the plug in The Jug and you get
44:09
it out of your house but food, you can't do that.
44:12
That with and so it's very complicated plus.
44:14
We usually started using food as a coping tool, a lot earlier
44:19
than we did alcohol or drugs, or something like that.
44:22
So, it's really important to realize that, you know, it is so
44:27
tricky, you know, because your basic, I always say with food,
44:30
you have to take the tiger Out Of The Cage pet the kitty three
44:34
times a day and put it back in the cage without getting your
44:37
ass torn off, you know so that's tricky.
44:40
That's tricky business. You might want to get support
44:43
for that, excellent going to flip it up and ask you something
44:47
totally unrelated to emotional eating.
44:50
I asked every guest of mine, this question and I always get a
44:53
unique response. What's the biggest life lesson
44:57
that you've learned so far? I would say that I have to get
45:06
in touch with my emotions and address my emotions if I expect
45:10
to have a successful life. Like, I can't ignore them.
45:13
I used to thank Christian that there was something wrong with
45:16
me because I had emotions, I thought, oh, normal people don't
45:19
have emotions. They just our mental and
45:21
physical, and this way back when I was a kid, but then I realized
45:25
no emotions guide. God made us to have emotions for
45:27
a reason. And to realize that To be a
45:31
fully, you know, thriving human being, I need to really be
45:36
integrated with my emotions and emotionally balanced, which I
45:40
was not. So I learned how to become
45:42
emotionally balanced but not to deny that part of myself, not to
45:46
think there's something wrong with me.
45:47
If I have an emotional response to something that that's that's
45:50
part of being human, you know? And the more I can, you know,
45:54
stop stuffing my emotions and be more awake to my experience of
45:57
Life. The healthier I'm actually going
45:59
to be Be excellent. Thank you.
46:02
Thank you very much. And yeah, just want to say a
46:04
massive. Thank you for agreeing to be on
46:06
the show. My final question to you is do
46:09
you have any upcoming projects or some final thoughts that
46:12
you'd like to share with our listeners?
46:15
Yeah. I do something called the quit
46:17
sugar challenge, quarterly. So, if somebody kind of wants to
46:22
get sugar out of their life, I have a really cool five-day,
46:26
quit sugar challenge that they can do, if that's something.
46:30
That speaks to them and the website for that you can sign up
46:35
if it's not happening right away because this is a podcast you
46:38
can sign up to get notified when it is coming up and that's it.
46:42
Quit sugar challenge.com. Excellent.
46:45
Thank you very much. It's been an absolute pleasure
46:48
having you on the show and yeah, just that massive.
46:51
Thank you. Thanks for having me, you're a
46:54
great, great host. So thanks for the talk.
46:57
Thank you. And yeah, to my list is at the
47:00
Henry podcast, thank you very much for listening.
47:02
Be safe be well until next time. Peace out one love.
47:05
See you in the next one.