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When We Overthink What We Say With Carly Taylor · Hardiness with Dr Paul Taylor

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  Speaker 1: Everyone, It's Cali here for this week's Mojo Monday. How
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  Speaker 1: often do you doubt yourself in social situations? So have
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  Speaker 1: you ever walked away from a conversation and later found
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  Speaker 1: yourself kind of overthinking what you did or you didn't say,
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  Speaker 1: so things like, you know, did I make sense? Why
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  Speaker 1: did I say that? I should have explained that better?
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  Speaker 1: And I was reflecting on this recently and I realized
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  Speaker 1: something about myself. Sometimes I feel kind of a subtle
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  Speaker 1: pressure to show up as my best version of myself
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  Speaker 1: in conversations, to say the right thing, to be articulate,
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  Speaker 1: to be interesting, or even to be funny. And when
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  Speaker 1: I don't feel that I've done that, my mind can
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  Speaker 1: start this little review process, you know, questioning what I
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  Speaker 1: said and wondering what other people thought of me. And
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  Speaker 1: what's intro is that these really happens when I'm working
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  Speaker 1: with clients or recording this podcast, or even when I'm
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  Speaker 1: in the gym. In those moments, I'm really clear on
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  Speaker 1: my role. And you might notice something similar in your
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  Speaker 1: own life. When there's clarity about what you're doing, there's
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  Speaker 1: often this kind of steadiness that comes with it. But
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  Speaker 1: most conversations in life aren't like that. They're messy. I
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  Speaker 1: can be messy, you know. People interrupt each other, thoughts
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  Speaker 1: come out as half formed sentences, and stories go off
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  Speaker 1: in tangents, and that's kind of just human communication. Yet
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  Speaker 1: our minds often expect us to be clear and funny
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  Speaker 1: and insightful and articulate on demands, and heaven forbid if
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  Speaker 1: the topic shifts to something that we don't know much about,
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  Speaker 1: that's when our inner critic can really pipe up. But
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  Speaker 1: these are impossible standards that we set for ourselves. In
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  Speaker 1: Japanese psychology, particularly Marida therapy, there's this idea that can
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  Speaker 1: be really helpful. Here. Instead of getting caught up trying
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  Speaker 1: to manage our thoughts or silent this inner critic, the
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  Speaker 1: focus shifts to purposeful action. So rather than asking ourselves, gosh,
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  Speaker 1: did I say the right thing, a more useful question
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  Speaker 1: might be was I genuinely engaged with the person in
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  Speaker 1: front of me? Because connection rarely comes from perfectly articulated sentences,
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  Speaker 1: and it doesn't come from being internally focused on how
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  Speaker 1: we're performing. It comes from something much simpler. It comes
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  Speaker 1: from curiosity, from presence, from interest in the other person,
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  Speaker 1: and when our attention moves there, something really interesting happens.
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  Speaker 1: That inner critic tends to quieten down, not because we've
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  Speaker 1: got rid of it, we know that's impossible, but because
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  Speaker 1: we're no longer fueling it with our attention. Our focus
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  Speaker 1: is outward, and then conversations begin to flow more naturally,
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  Speaker 1: not because we've mastered the art of saying the perfect thing,
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  Speaker 1: but because we stop trying to so hard to perform,
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  Speaker 1: which can be exhausting. So if you catch yourself this
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  Speaker 1: week replaying a conversation and wondering if you've said the
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  Speaker 1: right thing, just remember most people aren't analyzing your words
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  Speaker 1: nearly as much as you think. They're usually busy wondering
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  Speaker 1: if they've said the right thing too, So this week,
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  Speaker 1: try shifting your attention outward, be curious about the person
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  Speaker 1: in front of you, and you might just find the
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  Speaker 1: conversation flows a lot more easily. So have a great
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  Speaker 1: week everyone, I'll see you next Monday. Bye,