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Strictly Anonymous Confessions: Behind the Secret Sex Stories with Kathy Kay · The Kink Consultant

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It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hey everybody, and welcome to
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this week's episode of The Kink Consultant.
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I am ecstatic to introduce you to this week's guest.
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I have Kathy Kay from the infamous podcast Strictly
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Anonymous. Welcome, Kathy Kay.
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No. Thank you so much for having me.
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I feel like I know you so well because you've been on my show
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not just once, but twice already.
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So. I really have.
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A very good report. It's so exciting to be on your
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show because I could kind of like relax and just answer your
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questions for a change. Well, so I brought you on for
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very special reason. I was honored that you gave me
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an advance copy of your book strictly Anonymous Confessions
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to Read. And when I read it, I was like,
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no, she needs to come on. We need to discuss this in
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depth. As my listeners know, whenever I
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get excited or hooked on a topic, I'm like, you need to
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come on the podcast so I can just fangirl over and talk
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through it. So thank you for coming on they.
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Do need to get out there and sell my book.
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You know, I did write a book. It was one of the hardest things
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I ever did. I didn't have long to do it, but
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it is all done and it is coming out on October 14th, so I will
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have to go on people's podcast. So for you to have asked me,
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this is the first one I'm on. It's very exciting because this
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is what I need to do. Oh.
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You're so sweet because we know I'm the king consultant, there
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is huge overlap with the stories I get to hear both my clients
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and followers, so I know they are going to love this book.
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Also, do you know I have a book club?
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I don't know if you're. Kidding.
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No one. Really not kidding.
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We have a range of people of like how they like to consume
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it, so I'm excited about that. This book, it's prime for it
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because we love to discuss little stories and what turns us
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on. It's a spicy book club, so this
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fits right in. Oh my God.
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There's 17 spicy stories. That's what it's all about.
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Not just spicy, even the stories that aren't my fetishes and
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we'll get into this, aren't my turn ONS were sexy as fuck.
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I was just like, OK, and we'll get into them, we'll get into
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them. But let's take a step back.
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Let's talk just a little bit about your podcast because these
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stories were inspired by your podcast episodes, correct?
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Oh yeah. The whole pitch to the publisher
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was I was going to pick like the top 15 to 20 episodes and write
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them in the third person. You know, typically what you're
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hearing on my show is me interviewing somebody.
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So what I proposed was like, let me take the top 15 or 20
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stories, one out of every category.
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It wasn't just going to be the best episodes.
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They didn't want them all to be hot wife episodes.
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I wanted to be like a collection of the type of stories, the best
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of type of stories I typically have on my show.
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It was hard to pick because I'm up to like over 1200 episodes on
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my podcast because I've been podcasting for 11 years.
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But I did want a good variety of different types of things, you
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know, from the different types of categories because I'm not
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just like a swinger podcast or just a hot wife podcast or just
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a fetish podcast. I talked to everybody in the
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sort of ethically non monogamous umbrella.
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Absolutely. And I think that you picked some
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great stories. I mean, I have some favorites
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I'm going to talk about, too. You've been podcasting for 11
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years and you do talk about this in the book, but this almost
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like excited me the most. How did you kick off your
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podcast? Like how did you start getting
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people to open up to you? I love my like how I started my
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podcast story because it really was like by accident and a lot
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of people don't know it. Like I said, I started 11 years
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ago and nobody was really podcasting.
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I, I worked in the entertainment business before and I knew a lot
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of comedians and that's who were podcasting back in the day, like
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bigger comedians. They all had podcasts before
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everyone did. And one of them was like, you
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need to start it. And I was like the type of
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person that to my friends, I always like to analyze
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everything, you know, love, relationship, sex, whatever
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problems someone had, my friends had, you know, they would come
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to me and I'd like, love to fucking pick it apart.
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But you know how some people are like irritated by people that
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want to pick things apart all the time.
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And I was just kind of like, why don't I start my own show?
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I'll make it like a Dear Abby show.
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And I could like meet more people who want me to analyze
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and pick apart life because it's really like what I love to do.
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I love like people's stories. I love analyzing things.
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I like peeling out the layers or whatever you want to say.
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So I wanted to do this show and I decided it was going to be
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like a Dear Abby show, but I didn't know where to get callers
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from. And so I didn't want to go out
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to like, you know, at that time, social media stuff was just like
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Facebook. I didn't want to go out on
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Facebook because I felt like my show was going to suck and I
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didn't want it to suck in front of people that I knew.
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So I didn't want anyone to know what I was doing.
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I didn't set out to be anonymous, but it's stuck.
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OK, But I wanted to just do this on the DL behind the scenes just
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in case It was horrible. And so I'm like, where should I
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go to get callers? And so I went on to Craigslist
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and the only reason why I went on to the personal section is
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because I'm when I went in the general places to put my podcast
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ads, you had to pay money just like strictly being cheap.
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I went to the only place on Craigslist that it was free to
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post ads and that was in the personal section.
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So I went into every personal men for men, women for women,
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casual hookup and posted this app.
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I didn't have the name of the podcast or anything yet.
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It was just like we Dear Abby podcast looking for people to
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talk about love, sex, relationship problems.
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If you want to call in send me e-mail.
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And literally the 1st 5 emails were for real.
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The 1st 5 episodes that I had I taped them all in one day.
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I had a Co host in the beginning and they were all like these
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crazy stories about sex because I got them from Craigslist.
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But it wasn't like I didn't mean for it to be about that.
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Do you know what I mean? It just so happened that I was
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like being cheap, and I only posted there that I got these
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people in. And that's how it became.
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And then we decided to call it strictly anonymous because this
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one guy was fucking his brother's best friend's wife who
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was the sheriff in town, and he wanted to be anonymous.
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So I made everyone anonymous and that's how the name came.
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And then I started just going on Craigslist personal places and
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looking for more and more people, and it became all about
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these crazy sex stories. I am obsessed with the fact that
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you went in without a plan. No name, no plan, nothing.
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I love that because that just speaks to the success, but also
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just the momentum of it. It's like, oh, let's see what
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happens. And it never stopped happening.
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Yeah, sometimes. Like I think in business or
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anytime you want to do anything, a lot of times people, I think
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what they get wrong is that they overthink things and they think
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they have to have everything mapped out so much before they
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do the first thing. You know, sometimes it's just
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like just start doing whatever it is you want to do and just
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know that everything else will be figured out after.
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It sounds like I started backwards, but it all came
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together very quickly, but I didn't have everything in place
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right from the start, but it all really worked out.
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And I think that that's like how I approach everything.
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When I started my Patreon, I'm like, I didn't know what the
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fuck I was going to do in there, but I just started 1 and I
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figured out as I go, you know, and that's kind of like how the
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podcast came to be. And it was fun.
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I mean, I started going onto Craigslist.
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I had the Craigslist app that I would, you know, I would get
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deleted because I was posting the same ad so many places.
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I had to have all these tricks and stuff because I had to work
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hard to get guests in the beginning.
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And I was emailing, besides putting out ads, I was emailing
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people. I was going through the ads, you
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know, of the people that were posting stuff, the people that
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were looking for the crazy things on Craigslist.
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I was emailing them like, hey, you want to love, you know, be
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on a podcast. And so I had to work it for
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years to get people to call in and that Craigslist was like the
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place. I probably saw your ad because
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we're talking about 11 years ago.
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Yes. I lived on Craigslist.
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I was putting ads on Craigslist because, as everyone knows, I
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have a huge spanking fetish. I was putting out messages
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saying like, hey, who wants to spank me?
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You know? Oh.
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Yeah, there's no way I didn't e-mail you.
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That e-mail is still up and running.
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Some of those emails and responses I got were some of the
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best emails I've ever gotten in my life.
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Craigslist was such a special place in time.
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I miss it. I miss the personals ads.
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Oh, yeah, thank God, by the way, that my show was up and running.
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And by the time it went bust and they had to cut those ads, I had
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people emailing me. Now, I never have to ask one
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person to be on the show. I get emails every single day,
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more than, you know, 10 a day of people wanting to be on my show.
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I tape two people a day, every day, you know, And so I don't
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ever have to invite anybody on. But back in those days, I did.
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But by the time like Craigslist went bust, people were just
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calling in because they were listening to my show.
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So I was still getting the same kind of people, right?
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And they were calling in because there was no Craigslist anymore.
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Right. Hey, I have a secret I'm finally
8:03
ready to talk about. I've never really been a vibes
8:06
girl. I know.
8:08
Shocking coming from the King Consultant, but that's changing.
8:11
I'm teaming up with my friends at Babe Land for an 8 week self
8:14
pleasure journey. Every Friday I'm trying a new
8:17
toy and sharing what I learned about my body, my pleasure, and
8:20
what actually feels good. If you want to follow along,
8:23
check out my Friday Vibe series on Instagram and Substack.
8:26
And while you're here, check the show notes for my most recent
8:29
review. Keep on kinking on.
8:32
There were some stories in the book even that I was thinking
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like, Oh my gosh, I did a lot of crazy stuff, but I didn't do
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that not to be judgmental. Just like I was scared for them
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in the middle of the story. It's all relative, right?
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Yeah. You're the craziest one.
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Or you did crazy things or craziest.
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You get like someone like Mike on my book.
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I'm like the crazy guy. Who loves his glory holes?
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But it's so relatable because when you have these fetishes or
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desires, it's so hard to talk about them openly.
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You do tend to lean a little crazier because it all feels
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crazy. So when you say it's all
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relative, it's relative because no one's talking about any of
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it. So it's hard to judge within the
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quote UN quote crazy thing you're doing.
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How crazy is this that I'm going to a man's basement because he
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has a cool dungeon in it, you know?
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I know, I mean, it doesn't seem quote, UN quote crazy to me
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anymore. And I always feel like what I
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always try to say in my book is like, I'm not trying to
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normalize any of these things that are in the book or on my
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show. I'm not saying like this is
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something that everybody should do or everybody will be doing
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one day. I'm just saying that this is
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what some people do do and they do do it successfully and it
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does happen. And there's not some pervert
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island where these people all look like a certain way that you
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would spot them. These are regular people walking
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amongst you and this is what some of them do.
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OK. There are women that are wired
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like men and love sex like you wouldn't believe.
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There are couples that have open non monogamous relationships for
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30 years and they're happier because of it.
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There are men that aren't, but that sometimes they suck a Dick,
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OK? Like there's a lot of stories
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out there that a lot of people just don't know about and don't
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believe that they exist. I think feel like a lot of
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people think the minute you open up your marriage you're doomed
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for failure or that every woman is wired a certain way.
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But I'm here to say that that's not true.
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And that's what the book does. So you exemplify that perfectly
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in, yeah, the stories you've chosen.
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One of my favorite things you just said, by the way, is just
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because you've like, a guy sucks a guy's Dick, it doesn't mean
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he's bisexual, because it doesn't.
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I have spoken to so many men who have done that.
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That's like one of the ones I'm like that's actually super
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common. The weirdest thing is when my
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publisher sent me one of the first covers of my book on the
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back, it was like LGBTQ was like one of the categories.
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I'm like, why do you have that on there?
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Like, my book isn't about like, sort of, you know, sexual
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identity. Most of the people who call into
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my show don't really identify sexually in any way.
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It's more about like, what they're doing sexually, which is
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a very different conversation, right?
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It's not about like, oh, this guy's sucking a Dick, and
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therefore this is what bisexual guys are.
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It's like, no, this guy's sucking a Dick.
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And he doesn't even label himself as bi.
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He doesn't even like guys, he just sucks a Dick every now and
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then. And I did have a guy on my show.
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He's not in the puck, but there was a guy named Doctor Joe Court
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who went viral on TikTok because he talked about how guys could
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suck a Dick and not be gay. There's something called erotic
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orientation and it's different than your sexual orientation,
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which means sometimes in the middle of a sex act, you might
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like fucking, be down to suck a Dick or go down on a girl, but
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doesn't mean anything. It just means in that moment
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you're down for that. But it's not your
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identification. It's not how you identify
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sexually. It's just how you identify
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sometimes when you're in the mood.
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Does it make sense because you don't have many guys would call
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into my show and be like, I like to suck Dick, but I'm not into
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guys like I don't like guys like, you know what I mean?
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But sometimes they're like in the parking lot sucking a guy's
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Dick and I'm like, I don't understand.
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But now I do because I've talked to so many guys that say that.
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Can't you just have an oral fixation?
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It's nice to have a Dick in your mouth.
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Yeah, totally. I know plenty of girls who don't
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like having a Dick in their mouth, and that's fine too.
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But like, let's just class it as people who like a Dick in their
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mouth from time to time as opposed to any orientation.
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I have a top two favorite stories in this book.
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I'm interested which ones are, because they're 17, by the way.
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17 stories, right? They're all true.
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They're all from my podcast. You could go listen to those
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actual episodes of the people telling their stories, but which
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one were your favorites? Runner up Robert, the guy who is
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on a male Dom. I don't know if I was able to
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capture the essence of that story because I feel like I
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don't know how it read to you, but I'm glad it was one of your
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favorites because it's one of the best episodes the way it
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came across. And I'm assuming that's why you
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liked it too, because his episode did not disappoint.
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I mean, it's everything from he's a straight man who just
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kept telling himself, no, I'm not doing it.
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No, I'm not doing it. And then every step of the he.
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Eventually, yes, that's it, he licked.
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Door open so much that he keeps like being like, oh, well, I
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guess I'm here. But he would tell himself, OK,
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but here's the hard line. And then he passed the hard
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line. And I love how that unfolded
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because I've been that person. I've been that person who drew a
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line in the sand that I then like scratched out as I walked
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over it. Oh my God, I love that.
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But that's so human being of you and of him and of real life.
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And I think that sometimes people try to put people in
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boxes where they think that, like, life isn't supposed to be
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that way. But I feel like that's more real
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than not, right? I loved that is the exact part
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of his episode that made it so compelling, is what you just
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said. There were so many moments where
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he's driving there where he's telling himself he's not going,
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you know, and he'll probably not walk in the door, but then he's
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like walking in the door and then he's in the dungeon and
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then he's sucking a Dick. But he's not into guys.
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The whole thing is great. You know, there's a reveal in
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that story, too, of like, they're not alone in the house.
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And when that happens, I stop dead.
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I'm like, so it just goes deeper and deeper.
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And the parts I loved about it were like, Robert is not gay.
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He had never been attracted to a man.
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And in fact, it was sort of like, what, the beginning of a
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Simpsons episode? The way the story starts is not
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where the story ends. Like, what he's into first.
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And that's always, like a really good storytelling thing.
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It's like the first part of that story is like, OK, he's into
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this. I think it's cross dressing or
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wearing panties. Yeah, right.
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And that's his gateway into this other world or what happens
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next. And that's what's exciting too.
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It's like not that there is a gateway, but just sort of, you
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don't know where these desires could lead.
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And he had such a fulfilling experience that he really
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enjoyed. Yeah, and how interesting that
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there are people like you in him that, you know, sort of follow
14:13
your urges so all of us could listen to your interesting
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stories. I don't know if I'd have the
14:18
balls do it. Robert did or you didn't cross
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all those boundaries. But that was, like one of my
14:22
best episodes. That's why I chose that as a
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story. And it was hard to write it
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because I wanted to make sure it was written in the same way that
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he told it. And I'm glad that you got it.
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I know and a good Dom is hard to come by sometimes, so like I
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understand that. Guy, wasn't he good?
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Yes, submitting made so much sense, was really hot and was
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like I could totally see myself in this situation.
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The only situation I couldn't see myself in because I have no
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patience is him waiting in the basement while a party was
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happening upstairs. And that's all I'm going to say
14:51
about it. Yes, I was just like, I couldn't
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be that patient and wait. OK, so that's runner up then.
14:57
My favorite story is more on the emotional side for me because I
15:02
just related to the timing, the way it was told.
15:06
Mara, who has a husband and then a lesbian lover.
15:09
Oh yeah, I love that. You know, I've have over 1200
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episodes. A lot of my stories are just
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like someone's whole life story and this great story about, like
15:17
I said, a non monogamous couple, you know, getting non monogamous
15:20
and living happily ever after. But I love the stories.
15:23
It's not like most of them are like this, but the ones that
15:25
kind of read like a good book that do have like an arc where
15:28
something happened that was not supposed to happen.
15:31
You know, I was like that was a girl that wasn't supposed to
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wind up kind of like in a throuple, right?
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Or you know, it was just starting off as like a girl girl
15:39
hot experience. And it turned into something
15:42
that was over a span of time that was 2 episodes written in
15:45
one chapter because there was like this big update and then
15:47
that came to the second part of the story and that's what
15:49
created the arc. And I love that chapter because
15:52
it is like a really good story. I was.
15:54
On a roller coaster because Mara, she wants this.
15:58
She has to talk to her husband and her husband at first says, I
16:00
need time to think about it and accept it.
16:02
And that's the real lived experience of so many couples.
16:05
We talked about this on the most recent episode of the podcast I
16:09
was on for you of it's rare that people run away.
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You know, you reveal something and it's rare the partner runs
16:14
away. It's more of like a, OK, that's
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not my thing or let me think about it.
16:17
And this is that perfect example where the husband needed time,
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but he eventually came around on it.
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So she comes around and this, you know, it's all in one
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chapter in that book, but like to me it was like broken up into
16:29
two separate chapters. So when she called back with,
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she ended it like when, you know, at a certain part.
16:34
And then the second episode is when things really completely
16:37
change. And towards the end of that
16:38
episode, her husband really came around in a way that I couldn't
16:41
believe. And so it was like a really, to
16:43
me, that was another one that had a very interesting ending
16:46
that you didn't think would come right.
16:48
Kind of like you were saying that you like where you don't
16:51
think that this is where it's going to end up.
16:52
Like to me, that's almost in one way one of the most hopeful
16:55
stories because it's like when you are in the stage of your
16:58
journey where your partner is like, let me think about it.
17:01
It can feel like stalled, but it doesn't end that way for her
17:04
because the conversation continues and it progresses.
17:06
And I think that's why I want everyone to read that story.
17:09
Like I want all of my clients to read that story to be like,
17:12
there is hope. You just need to keep working on
17:14
it. It's an open conversation.
17:16
It's constant communication and it pays off or it can pay off.
17:19
You know, exactly. Yeah.
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I love that. And I love that, Like, a lot of
17:22
my stories, like they do span a long period of time.
17:27
And that's why I always liked watching biographies too, you
17:29
know, because you kind of could see like the good, the bad,
17:32
ugly. So you get like the whole
17:34
picture of things. I don't believe though, in life
17:36
that things happen overnight, right?
17:38
Most of the people that I'm talking to, this kind of stuff
17:40
does happen overtime. But these stories do show you
17:44
and give you hope that overtime things can work out in certain
17:48
ways. As long as, like you said, you
17:50
communicate or you keep talking or, and you just take risks and
17:53
follow your heart. Or like she did, you know, speak
17:56
up about something that you always kind of wanted and take
17:58
that chance, which was a big thing to bring up in her
18:01
relationship with her husband. We can never discredit the
18:03
important pieces speaking up. If you don't verbalize it, no
18:06
one's going to just reach your mind.
18:08
Ever. Always my favorite parts of my
18:10
halls. And when I'm talking to anyone,
18:12
I'm just posting an episode of a vanilla couple that were in a
18:15
sexless marriage that are now swinging.
18:17
You know, my favorite moments of those episodes are always like
18:20
that turning point, Like who was the first person that said
18:22
something? Like what was that first person
18:24
that rose their hand or said something that completely
18:27
changed the game? Because then it becomes like a
18:29
domino effect and everything could change.
18:31
When you just say, you know, you just bring up one thing.
18:33
Like with Mara, it's like, I just want to be with a girl.
18:35
Like, I want to try that out. And like, look what happened.
18:38
It completely changed their life.
18:39
Oh, completely. And I've just given, by the way,
18:41
my two favorite because I was most emotionally tied to both of
18:44
those stories for my own. Yeah, but let's not forget Casey
18:47
with her 50 gangbangs or over 50 gangbangs.
18:50
That was that. As fuck.
18:52
Yeah. And my editor like, wanted to
18:54
throw that one out, like because I wrote more than the 17 that
18:56
made it, and that was one she didn't want to include.
18:58
I'm like, no, you have to include that.
18:59
I am sorry. There is nobody like fucking
19:02
Casey, OK, And people need to know that there is a Casey out
19:05
there, OK? Like most people are not going
19:07
to roll like Casey. They're not going to have over
19:10
50 gangbangs. But by the way, I had a woman on
19:13
who created porn, a porn site called Afterglow.
19:15
She makes porn for women, made by women.
19:18
And she told me like a very interesting stat, which is that
19:21
most, the most like downloaded porn that women look at besides
19:25
lesbian porn is gangbang porn. Now, that's not to say that
19:28
every woman wants to have a gangbang, but it's a secret
19:30
fantasy of a lot of women. And now Casey is a woman that
19:33
not only has that fantasy, she has lived it out over 50 fucking
19:37
times. And it's just like gangbang
19:39
facts. But I found it so fascinating
19:41
that I'm like, I want to have this in there.
19:43
I think like the way they came together, the way that they were
19:46
set up, the way that they went down and the way she approached
19:49
them and how she felt about them was so interesting that I'm
19:52
like, it has to go in there because people need to know that
19:54
there is a person out there like this.
19:56
I think it's very interesting. You're so.
19:58
Spot on. I do have that fantasy.
19:59
I do not want to experience it, but the fantasy.
20:02
Exists. I like how this normalizes it,
20:04
you know, that's what's so important about the book to me,
20:06
is it normalizes what so many people's fantasies are that
20:09
they're taught to be ashamed of. By that Lady.
20:11
And you're pulling it all out. OK, you have 17 stories in
20:14
there. I'm sorry to hear you even had
20:16
to cut any because I wanted more.
20:17
But did you have a favorite? Story, You know, I did love the
20:20
Mara one because I love the ones that have, you know, like an arc
20:24
to them a little bit more. It's Damien and Rachel and they
20:27
are like this very religious Jewish couple who decided to
20:30
like really go off the rails. And I mean, he started hooking.
20:33
What guy? She's looking what girls?
20:34
They're full swapping. And you know, at some point he
20:36
looks over to her and he says, like, do you want to be
20:38
selective or slutty? And she's like, let's be slutty.
20:41
And I'm just like, that is like, I need their story in my book
20:45
because I thought it's so fucking funny that the woman was
20:47
like, let's just be slutty. I don't want to be selective.
20:50
I was like, it's so great. And I just love their story
20:52
because they were such this like really like amazing couple that
20:56
did grow up very religious and here they are now doing these
20:59
like really crazy things. Rachel had her reserve about a
21:02
lot of things and she came to terms with them and they were
21:05
one of my favorites. I loved the Casey 1.
21:08
You know, I really loved Crimson.
21:10
She is like a woman like she might be in her 70s now and
21:13
she's like literally like in her grandma age.
21:15
She became a porn star, you know, and started going to like
21:18
hot wife hotel takeovers and stuff.
21:20
And she is just comment her own. She's like the most loveliest
21:24
woman I've ever spoken to. Like people love Crimson and she
21:28
is like a legit porn star begging like 20 guys a night.
21:31
Like she wouldn't believe Crimson story and it's true.
21:34
And she's lovely and she's a grandma.
21:37
And this happened way later in her life.
21:39
She was a nurse, you know, at living a very vanilla life.
21:42
And so her story is one of the most interesting to me too.
21:45
And that's the thing, we actually don't know where our
21:47
life is going to end up. Like, never say never.
21:49
I'm sure Crimson was not thinking when she started her
21:52
nursing career that a secondary career for her in the future
21:56
would be a porn star. No.
21:57
And I think she's more than a porn star.
21:59
I mean, she just really lives in the lifestyle and she's just a
22:01
woman who really embrace her sexuality and love sex now and
22:04
it's getting her fill. And in the times of her calling
22:07
me, she did go through like a cancer.
22:09
She got a whole bunch of like hell, things hit her at once and
22:12
she was just still fucking through it all.
22:14
I mean, you should hear her crazy stories of what she did
22:17
through that, her health scare and all of her operations and
22:20
stuff. She did not stop.
22:22
I mean, she is like a force to be reckoned with.
22:24
So I love Crimson too. It's hard to pick.
22:26
They're kind of like all my favorites.
22:27
That's why they made it into the book, you know what I mean?
22:30
That makes total sense. Yeah.
22:32
It would be hard to pick your favorite of all of them because
22:35
they're all amazing and they're all so relatable, in my opinion.
22:39
It's the human emotion part. Maybe I haven't been in 50
22:42
gangbangs. I'm not a porn star.
22:44
But there is something to it that I'm like, I can understand
22:47
this feeling. I have been there.
22:48
I have had shame. I've had to overcome something
22:50
just to enjoy my own pleasure or, like, find my pleasure.
22:53
All of these stories are about people finding their own
22:55
pleasure and really leaning into it in an empowered way.
22:58
That's what I love. Yeah, exactly.
23:00
And like, I love a swinger wrong story or any kind of story
23:04
that's gone wrong, you know, but I believe that most people think
23:07
that these stories wind up wrong.
23:09
And what I love about my show is that I show stories where these
23:13
kinds of out-of-the-box relationship types, it can go
23:17
right. You know, someone said something
23:19
like really interesting to a friend of mine.
23:21
She met a couple that listened to my podcast and we're like,
23:23
oh, we love strictly and honest. We listen to this other podcast,
23:25
this really famous lady and they're like, we love listening
23:27
to her, but she's always talking to people with problems.
23:29
We love then to go listen to Strictly and Honest because she
23:31
has all the happy people on her show.
23:33
And I was like, yeah, there you go.
23:35
Like we're not like analyzing like issues in relations.
23:38
I'm talking to people who like, fix their issues by changing
23:42
their sex life and talking about their fantasies and living their
23:44
best life, you know, like. And so that's what I love to
23:47
show. Like I said, I'm not saying that
23:49
this is like right for everybody or anything, but I'm just saying
23:51
that it can be successful and you can do these things and have
23:55
fun behind closed doors and fucking live it up and be better
23:59
for it and it's OK. And there's no shame.
24:01
I talked to so many women I love, like the women in my book
24:04
because there's a lot of sexual repression that happens with
24:07
women. And a lot of these women that
24:10
came into their own, like Crimson and Candy is another
24:13
one. They weren't allowed to be
24:14
sexually liberated until their 50s and 60s because they grew up
24:16
when I grew up where it was like, you're a slut if you just
24:19
fucked a guy that you were dating.
24:20
I mean, and so and so it's like hard for a lot of women to
24:24
really come to terms or come into their own sexually.
24:26
And I see that a lot in the women on my show and the women
24:29
in my book. These are women that once they
24:31
sort of went there, they realized they had all these
24:33
hidden repressed fantasies and stuff, and they're doing things
24:36
without any shame and having a great time.
24:38
Side note on that though, my mom said something to me recently.
24:41
She said until the show friends came along, women didn't know
24:43
that they could have casual sex. Or at least that was my mom's
24:46
interpretation. It was friends that made her
24:48
realize you can date and have sex.
24:49
She was already married by that stage.
24:50
But I don't think people realize how.
24:52
Recent that mindset shift has been and even now there's a lot
24:56
of shame still. Yeah, it's crazy.
24:58
You're kind of fighting that same stigma by bringing those
25:01
stories out and then. But I think what men want to
25:03
know that women like this exists and that's why guys love my show
25:06
because I call them like my hardcore girls.
25:08
You know, I have a lot of women on my show that fucking love
25:12
sex. Will could fuck whoever they
25:13
want. They could have sex with whoever
25:16
They don't need to be in love. Some of them, like Casey has a
25:18
wonderful husband and has like the best relationship on the
25:21
planet. Her guy is a good greatest guy
25:24
ever. She is so lucky to have found
25:25
him. She met him in a threesome, by
25:27
the way, and they have the nicest, greatest relationship
25:29
yet. She could like fuck guys in a
25:31
glory hole experience with them. They're OK.
25:33
So I just like to show that there are women that have gotten
25:37
in touch with their sexual sides and are living it up and having
25:40
a great. Like I said, I'm not saying that
25:41
every woman needs to be doing these types of things, but some
25:44
women do and they love sex and men love to hear those stories.
25:48
They love to know that women love sex as much as they do.
25:51
Yes, I know that they love to know that.
25:53
I just got really excited about the Casey story because you
25:55
reminded me of her partner. Yeah, and how great he is.
25:59
One of the things that I thought is interesting is you can be a
26:01
different person in the throuple or gangbang experience than you
26:04
are single. Because her husband, she said,
26:07
is gentle when it's just the two of them.
26:09
But then when they get into that gangbang thing, he can play that
26:12
alpha male Dom who's rough and encourages the men to be rough.
26:15
And that was fascinating to me. He had range himself depending
26:19
on whether or not it was just the two of them or in that
26:21
gangbang scenario. Totally.
26:23
On my show, I talked to people for like an hour, right.
26:25
So I tried to get their whole life story because I like to
26:27
paint the whole picture. It's not just like what's going
26:29
on inside the bedroom. It's also like what's going on
26:32
outside? Like who are these people?
26:34
Who is she married to? What is her relationship like?
26:36
Because it paints a bigger picture.
26:37
Like Casey isn't just some crazy girl that's out getting
26:40
gangbang. I mean, like I said, she has
26:41
this lovely husband. They have a great relationship.
26:44
She has a better relationship than a lot of my vanilla
26:46
friends. You know what I mean?
26:47
Married to like narcissistic guys that treat them like shit.
26:49
Her husband is great to her. You know, they happen to do all
26:53
these kinds of things, but they have a very lovely intimate
26:56
relationship and sex life that is very different than what they
26:59
do outside when they play. And that comes through in the
27:01
story. Did you reach out to these
27:03
couples and people to say, hey, your episode's going to be
27:06
talked about in the book? Yeah, everyone on my show, by
27:08
the way, I change their voices and everyone has a fake name,
27:11
including me. I didn't change my voice.
27:13
I should have because I found out through my podcast that guys
27:15
love girls with very high pitched voices.
27:17
I have to change all my girls voices, get a higher pitch and
27:20
everyone uses a fake name. But I had to go out to
27:22
everybody, get a release and have them sign it that I could
27:25
use their story. So I had a much bigger list than
27:28
17 that I went out to just to get the OK that they could be
27:31
included in the book. They had to approve it.
27:34
So have they read it yet? Their story?
27:36
Oh, no, no, not yet. I mean, I'm like about to like,
27:39
listen, my book is out on October 14th.
27:41
I haven't gotten the author copies are going to be ready
27:44
like this week and they're sending them to me, you know,
27:47
and I'm going to be sending them out to everybody.
27:48
But listen, I don't know if you've learned this the hard
27:51
way, but like, I would never send an episode to someone about
27:53
you beforehand because you don't want anyone to be like, oh, I
27:55
don't like this. Can you change this?
27:56
You know what I mean? Their stories about their
27:57
stories, but I think everyone's going to love their stories.
27:59
I haven't sent it, but everyone that got picked was super
28:02
excited that they were going to be included because people do
28:04
like to share their stories and they're anonymous so they don't
28:07
have anything to lose. That's true.
28:09
Can I just say I'm glad you didn't change your voice?
28:11
I love your voice and I think it is one of my favorite things
28:14
about your podcast. So I'm serendipitous that you
28:17
didn't change your. Voice One day when I thought to
28:19
myself I should have because I learned that guys really like
28:22
like the high pitched girly voice.
28:23
I tried to change my voice. I did to my voice what I do and
28:27
my voice was one of those voices and I don't come across them
28:29
often. It's like 1 in every like 100
28:32
500 voice. That doesn't change that much no
28:35
matter what I do to it. And my voice is one of them.
28:36
Like you can't make my voice high pitched, sorry, Like I am
28:39
who I am, which I got a deep voice, But and I think it goes
28:43
with my vibe of my show, like my deep voice and the way I talk is
28:47
very much like who I am and how I talk to people.
28:50
So I think it all works, you know, for me anyway.
28:53
But I did notice though, I mean, it is an interesting fact that
28:55
guys do like have like little girl voices.
28:58
They think they're high. I'd consider myself a deep
29:00
voiced person, I know. What you can do?
29:02
Yeah, exactly. But you were dumb, so it
29:04
probably worked for you. It didn't work that way, right?
29:07
Oh, it did work. Also in business.
29:09
I think it works, too. But you are very direct.
29:11
And that's another thing. Like, I don't know what the
29:13
range of kinky versus vanilla people who listen to your show
29:17
is. But I know that you ask
29:18
questions that everyone is sitting there wondering, and
29:21
then it comes out of your mouth and we're like, yes, what is the
29:23
answer to that question? Because you go directly and you
29:25
get clarification where most would just let the story roll.
29:28
You're like, wait, no, I need to understand this more.
29:30
And you dig in. Yeah.
29:32
When I say that like listen, that first time I taped those
29:35
first five people, I was like my Co host was so pissed at me
29:38
because I made him tape like it was 5 people five hours.
29:41
He was like, I'll never fucking do this again.
29:43
Don't ever have it. And I could have done five more.
29:46
It really is my God-given talent to talk to analyze people.
29:49
If you met me at a party and I sat next to you, I would have
29:52
interviewed you like I interviewed you on my show.
29:55
I'm never talking about myself. I'm always asking people
29:57
questions. I could get the deli guy's whole
29:59
life story. Like, it's just, I'm just like a
30:01
natural curious person. So I never have like, one
30:04
question written or anything. And I just sort of ask what
30:07
comes up in my mind. And because I'm not like a porn
30:10
star myself or I haven't had 50 gangbangs.
30:12
I'm a vanilla person, OK? Like, I haven't done none of the
30:15
things that my callers do. So I'm like the average person
30:18
that's listening, asking questions.
30:19
And even though I've still heard a million times, I still know
30:22
what the average person wants to know because I want to know
30:25
those things, you know? So I just asked for my own
30:27
curiosity. And it just so happens that
30:29
people want to know the same things I want to know.
30:31
You ask a lot questions, but it's great because you're
30:34
getting to the core of it, because when someone's telling
30:35
their own stories, sometimes they miss out on what's
30:37
interesting about it or what's different for.
30:39
Sure, capture that. I want to get to the bottom of
30:42
things. I like, you know, I think that
30:43
my voice on my show is not just like, listen, I give people
30:45
boners, OK, and I do write like very salacious titles.
30:48
Like I do have a title that's like James is a cum dump.
30:51
OK, and like that's a real title, but I always feel like I
30:54
pull people in and like not only going to hear like James story
30:58
about him getting gang banged and fucked at this guy's house,
31:00
like you're going to hear like his real life story and all
31:02
these other things. And I like to dive deep.
31:04
I like to get the psychology behind things.
31:06
It's not just about like I said, some people do get woodies when
31:09
they hear my stuff because I get the sex details too.
31:11
But I like to get the psychology stuff, the deeper things, you
31:15
know, that's where I like to go. And that's why I started my
31:17
podcast and my friends were like annoyed by me.
31:19
Like not everyone wants to get deep all the time, but I do by
31:22
the way, I do. I'm never interested in small
31:24
talk. I like deep talk and I get to
31:25
have it with these 1200 people that I talk to and I'm then I'm
31:28
going strong and I'm never bored.
31:30
And every story is interesting to me because every person I
31:33
could talk to, 50, a hundred, probably 5-6 hundred hot wives,
31:37
and they all have a unique story.
31:39
They really do. I mean, the fact that you're
31:41
over 1200 episodes in just tells you how many unique, interesting
31:45
stories there are of people. What I always consider, even if
31:48
they're not open about it, living their most authentic
31:50
lives. Yeah, totally.
31:51
They're being themselves. Would you say you identify as
31:54
vanilla? You know, yeah, Now that I talk
31:56
to all these people, yeah. But it's funny because I grew up
31:58
probably in your mom's time where like I was known as very
32:01
slutty. Like it's kind of like though it
32:03
was backwards that I started a show about sex because I didn't
32:05
intend to. But I was always somebody that
32:07
loved talking about sex because in my day, all you have to do to
32:10
get attention was talk about sex because it was so taboo.
32:13
It's like ridiculous, you know? And like I was though the type
32:16
that like had a lot of lovers. Like I probably would have
32:19
labeled myself many different things when I was younger, like
32:21
polyamorous and all kinds of things because I would have like
32:23
3 guys that I was banging at the same time.
32:25
But I was like always open about it.
32:27
I wasn't the type of girl that like to have boyfriends and I
32:29
really liked sex and I would roll with like I I said a couple
32:32
of guys deep and tell everybody and like, so I was considered
32:35
kind of slutty back in my day because I didn't have
32:38
relationships and I fucked guys that I didn't like and I enjoyed
32:41
sex and that wasn't the norm in my day.
32:44
Now it's like every girl is like me.
32:46
It doesn't mean anything. But you know, it's funny that I
32:48
was considered slutty because now I'm talking to girls like
32:50
Casey. I'm like, yeah, I am vanilla.
32:54
And you know, I never had like a non monogamous relationship, a
32:58
consensual non monogamous relationship or anything like
33:01
that. I think going into things in the
33:02
future, I am so much more open to certain things because of
33:06
what I've learned on my show. And when I was younger, my dream
33:09
was always to be like a swinger when I was like 60.
33:12
That's what I always say. I saw this one documentary.
33:14
It was called The Lifestyle, and it was on HBO and it was like
33:17
many, many years ago, it was on. And I was like, Oh my God, like
33:20
I'm going to be a swinger when I'm like 60.
33:22
Like, why not? You know what I mean?
33:23
That you just like live it up and do whatever you want
33:25
sexually. You know, I'm like, yeah, I'm
33:27
like, it's probably going to come true.
33:28
Because now I'm like, I'm more curious about all these things.
33:31
I feel like I've so much from my show that I would go into
33:34
relationships and stuff and be a lot less vanilla now.
33:38
You'd be less vanilla now because do you think that you've
33:40
just learned more things exist out there and you're like, well,
33:43
now I want to try that? Or do you think these desires
33:45
always existed and you're now just more open to trying them
33:48
and talking about them? Both.
33:50
OK. I've learned a lot of things
33:52
about myself that I put together through talking to people.
33:55
And I think that I feel less like, cuz like I was always like
33:58
into oh, like, let's like mock up like a DP, you know what I
34:01
mean? And like, yeah, guys kind of
34:02
situation, but like, I would never do it in real life.
34:04
But like maybe now I would. I don't know, if I was like with
34:06
a guy and he wanted to because I feel like I have less, I would
34:10
have less shame about certain things because I've talked to so
34:13
many people who do it and they've made me feel like it's
34:16
OK. Full circle again to why hearing
34:18
these stories are so important for everybody, even if you
34:21
think, well like none of that's for me, just normalizing it is
34:24
super important in my mind. Totally.
34:26
Yeah. And like, sometimes I'll get
34:27
these really odd emails where they're like, oh, thank you so
34:30
much for my show. Like you talking to all the
34:32
these like weird people make me feel more normal.
34:34
I'm like, but you don't understand.
34:35
Like, I don't think these people are weird.
34:37
I don't know what the word is for what they're doing, but it's
34:39
not weird to me. I don't feel like I'm talking to
34:41
weird people. I feel like I'm talking to
34:42
normal people. And I'm just trying to show
34:44
people that this is what like some normal people do.
34:47
What a lot of people don't know is like, you know these people,
34:50
you're sitting across from them at Navy at Thanksgiving dinner.
34:53
They're probably working for you.
34:54
It might be your boss. You just don't know because a
34:57
lot of people are doing these kinds of things, but they can't
34:59
talk about it because people still, like you said, are still
35:02
sexually repressed. There's still a lot of stigma
35:04
around sex. At the end of the day, it's like
35:07
crazy, but it's just the way that we live.
35:09
I mean, I'm anonymous for a reason.
35:10
I have a son. I have a child.
35:11
Like, nobody knows what I do because I'm sure some moms
35:14
wouldn't let their kids play with my son if they knew, you
35:17
know? And that's the world we live in.
35:18
And I have to be practical about it.
35:20
So I'm anonymous myself. That actually brings me to a
35:22
life point for myself. I don't have kids right now.
35:25
I'm 36. I do want kids and I'm already
35:27
thinking 9 years from now I have a 7 year old.
35:29
People have all of these episodes, they know all the sex
35:32
parties I've been to. I speak openly about the porn I
35:35
watch or don't watch and what I enjoy.
35:37
I've made decisions that could impact my hopefully future kids.
35:41
And that's something that I weigh up regularly now when I
35:43
think about it because I'm just hoping we live in a more open
35:46
world. But I don't know what way it's
35:47
going to go 10 years from now. You know, 7 years from now it
35:50
will be a lot better. Just so you know, maybe it'll be
35:53
more than seven years if you're not pregnant right now.
35:55
OK, so there's hope, but I had to make that.
35:58
I mean, like I said, I became anonymous by accident at first.
36:01
I just to it because I thought I was embarrassed and I didn't
36:04
want people to know I had a piece of garbage podcast.
36:06
But once it was good and because of what I started to talk about,
36:09
I kept it anonymous. Most people don't know.
36:11
It's a very small handful of people in my life that know.
36:14
And I think I put this in the opening of the book like my
36:16
secret life, like I'm talking about everyone else's secret
36:18
life. My secret life and my life is my
36:20
podcast. Like nobody knows my mom
36:22
friends, like nobody has any clues.
36:24
So there's people really close to me that have no idea what I
36:27
do for a living. And so like, this is like my
36:30
secret life and it wound up working out to be good that it's
36:34
a secret because like I said, I do have a kid and but none of
36:37
that was in the plan 11 years before when I started it.
36:40
You know, it just kind of worked out that way.
36:42
But you'll be fine because you're an expert and that's what
36:46
you do. And just make sure you live like
36:48
in a very progressive city at the time whenever.
36:50
I know. Keep that in mind.
36:52
That's a good point. Yeah.
36:53
Maybe I'll find my way. Back to New York City because of
36:55
it, because having a kid was the best thing I ever fucking did.
36:58
I love that. I love hearing that, but also
37:00
like, that's another thing that normalizes this too.
37:03
So on that point, I grew up always being told I was weird.
37:06
Not because of anything kinky, just I was like an alternative
37:08
person, The type of person who gets online and talks about this
37:11
stuff. And I understand that it's hard
37:13
to find the word between normal and weird, and I just chose to
37:15
embrace the word weird. I'm like yes I am weird.
37:18
There you go. You could use it.
37:19
I wouldn't say weird because in my day weird is like a bad word.
37:23
And I don't think it's bad. I think it maybe it's not the
37:25
norm, but it's certainly not weird.
37:27
And it's not weird to me anymore because I talked to, like I
37:30
said, so many people and get so many emails that I know that
37:33
there's a tons of people out there doing this or fantasizing
37:35
about it because I get my downloads, OK?
37:37
And it's not like I'm just having people that are listening
37:39
to my show that are doing these things.
37:41
There's a lot of people that are listening to my show that wish
37:43
they were doing these things. And that's a lot of people.
37:45
OK, Yes. There are things in your
37:47
episodes and stories I've heard where even I'm like, I wish I
37:49
had done those things right. Yeah.
37:51
Because there were times I wanted to and I just didn't.
37:53
And now the moments passed. I always say I have never done
37:56
anything I regret. There are things I haven't done
37:58
that I regret not doing because I didn't do them for the wrong
38:01
reason and like fear I think is the wrong reason to not do
38:04
something. Exactly, And that's the way I
38:06
think you approach life. I always look at things from my
38:08
deathbed, you know, like well, I regret that I never did this.
38:10
Like on my deathbed. If not like who?
38:12
Like I never cared about getting married.
38:13
Even when I was a little girl, I was always like, I never want to
38:16
get married. It wasn't something that I
38:17
aspire to. So I could careless about that.
38:19
But I always wanted to have a kid and I went through a lot of
38:21
infertility and I did not fucking stop until I had my baby
38:24
because that would have been a regret that I never had because
38:27
that was something that I always knew I wanted.
38:29
So I live that way, just no regrets, whatever it is.
38:33
OK, so your book is available for pre-order now, and we'll
38:36
have the links in the description below of where
38:38
everyone can go buy it. It's called strictly anonymous
38:40
confession. Secret Sex Lives of Total
38:42
Strangers is available on Amazon.
38:45
Barnes and Noble, Simon and Schuster.
38:46
They're like short stories, 17 of them.
38:49
So you don't need to read it from beginning to the end.
38:52
You could chapter read the ones that you want and it's a little
38:54
smattering of all types of stories.
38:56
And not only that, like also in the book, do you say where you
38:59
can find the episode? So if anyone really wants to go
39:02
deep on a story, they can go back to your podcast and really
39:05
sink into every little detail, including the person telling it
39:09
from their own perspective. Yeah, and I think that that's
39:11
fun way to do it. As opposed to I think it's much
39:14
better to read the story 1st and then go hear the person tell
39:17
their story because then you're going to add a whole other layer
39:20
to it. Whereas if I think it is better
39:22
than to hear the story first when the person telling it and
39:25
then go read it, I think reading it first is super interesting
39:28
because you get it like kind of quickly.
39:30
These are short stories, right? They're like 2500 and 5000
39:33
words, but then you go to listen to them.
39:36
It's going to add a whole other layer to the story that I think
39:38
is interesting. Though it's very important for
39:40
me to link to the episode as well so people can go listen to
39:43
them afterwards if they want to. And I think they should because
39:46
I do think it adds something to it afterwards to hear them
39:49
talking and hear the whole conversation.
39:51
So it's. Basically a multimedia
39:52
experience because you can read about them, you can go listen
39:55
from the person's mouth. And then if you join my Patreon,
39:58
you could see their pictures. That's what I have on my
39:59
Patreon. Like I had like this editor.
40:02
Guy writing for me, I'm like, you want to see all the pics of
40:03
everybody because I got them and that's what I have on my
40:05
Patreon. I give anonymous pics of all my
40:07
guests. So you want to put a body to
40:09
some of you want to see what Casey looks like, join my
40:11
Patreon. You'll see and and then any of
40:13
the people that by the way, just so you know, any of the people
40:15
that have only fans or anything like that, their links are also
40:17
in there, but they could get more information on the people
40:20
as well if they want to dig deeper on people through either
40:23
my podcast or my Patreon, which is cool.
40:25
And I'll give you my website link and people can find
40:27
everything there. Amazing.
40:28
OK. Thank you so much for coming on,
40:31
for curing, reading these stories, and bringing this book
40:33
into the world. I am so excited for everyone to
40:36
read it. It's definitely going to be one
40:37
of my book club books. I can genuinely say I know my
40:41
audience is going to love this book.
40:43
This is what we're all about. We're curious and we're excited
40:45
to hear people's stories, and you've just put together the
40:48
perfect grouping of stories for us to dig into well.
40:51
I love it. And because you're the first
40:52
person that asked me to come on my show, I didn't even have to
40:54
ask you. I'm going to send you a bunch of
40:56
books that you could give out, you know, to your I would love,
40:59
right? And I'll send you some author
41:00
copy so you could get them out to your book and then you could
41:02
discuss it and you could just make fun with it.
41:04
But thank you so much for having me on.
41:06
I need to sell some books. People, go check it out.
41:08
It's a fun book. It's easy reading.
41:10
Easy and fun read. That's the perfect secondary.
41:13
All right. Thank you so much, Kathy.
41:15
K. We'll get all that information
41:17
in the description below, so you can go get your copy now.
41:20
Thanks, Amanda. If you enjoyed this episode,
41:24
don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share it with
41:27
anyone who might find it interesting.
41:29
And if you have any questions or topics you'd like me to cover in
41:31
future episodes, feel free to reach out e-mail
41:34
info@thekingconsultant.com. Until next time, keep on kinking
41:38
on.