Latest / Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach / EP 11: Your Clutter Isn't Dust in Your Home- It's in Your Mind (Simple Steps to Feel in Control Again)

Transcript

EP 11: Your Clutter Isn't Dust in Your Home- It's in Your Mind (Simple Steps to Feel in Control Again) · Healthy Boundaries for Moms| Christian Life Coach

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  Hey friend, I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
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  If so, would you take 30 seconds and go join our free Facebook page at Healthy Boundaries
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  for Moms?
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  That's where we go deeper, share what's actually working, and support each other in
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  real life.
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  I will also share some great tools and tips to help you in this journey.
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  Can you also hit follow and leave a quick review on Apple?
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  It really lets me know that this podcast is helping you.
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  More importantly, it helps more women to find this podcast.
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  Now go, say no to someone today and say yes to yourself.
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  I'll meet you back here on Monday.
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  We've got this.
• 0:41
  Welcome back friends.
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  I hope you guys are having a great weekend.
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  I am recording this on Easter Sunday and we had a great time going to Cracker Barrel.
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  Shout out to Cracker Barrel.
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  And we've also had a fun Easter egg hunt in our house, so that was cool.
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  And I'm really excited to dig into our topic today.
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  Our episode is going to be about clutter and how clutter isn't just in your home, but it's
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  in your mind too.
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  And we're going to talk about how to feel in control again.
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  And isn't that exciting?
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  That sounds good to me.
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  So let me just say this right up front.
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  If your home feels cluttered, there's a really good chance your mind does too.
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  And I don't mean that in a judgmental way.
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  I really don't.
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  I just mean this is why you feel the way you feel kind of way.
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  Because a lot of you are walking around thinking, why can't I just get it together?
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  Why do I feel so behind?
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  Why does everything feel so overwhelming?
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  And the answer isn't that you're lazy.
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  It's that you're overloaded.
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  Every pile in your house is a decision that has not been made.
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  Every drawer is something that's not resolved.
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  And every space is something your brain is still tracking.
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  Your environment is constantly talking to your brain.
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  And if everything around you feels unfinished, your mind never gets to rest.
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  I mean, how many times have you walked by something and you make a mental note, oh,
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  I got to get that done.
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  Oh, why haven't I gotten that done?
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  That box is still sitting there.
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  I mean, that's what we're talking about today.
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  And there's a concept from James Clear.
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  He's wrote the book Atomic Habits.
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  And he says, clarity is elimination of noise.
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  And most of you are trying to get clarity by thinking more.
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  But clarity doesn't come from thinking more.
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  It comes from removing what doesn't belong.
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  So I want to talk to you about a tool.
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  You may have already heard of it before, but some of you may not.
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  And it's called a brain dump.
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  And we're not going to organize your whole life here.
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  We're just going to get everything that's in your head out on a piece of paper.
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  So if you can, stop what you're doing and grab a piece of paper.
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  I want you to write down all your to do's, all the things you're avoiding, all the decisions
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  you haven't made, and your random thoughts.
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  If it is in your mind, I want you to put it on the paper.
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  And listen, you're not solving your life right now.
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  What we're doing is just clearing up space.
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  Because there's something cool that happens.
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  When it's on paper, it stops yelling at you.
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  And let me also say this.
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  Some of you aren't just overwhelmed.
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  You're exhausted from trying to do everything perfectly.
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  Who are my perfectionists out there?
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  Guys, this is called perfectionism fatigue.
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  You overthink, you over plan, and you wait until you can do it just right.
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  But then nothing gets done, right?
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  Perfectionism doesn't make your life better.
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  It just keeps you stuck.
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  And you're really just doing too much.
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  Some of you guys are doing double, triple, sometimes quadruple the work.
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  Because you won't decide.
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  You think about it.
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  You rethink it.
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  You second guess it.
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  You revisit it.
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  That's not one decision.
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  That's five.
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  You're not overwhelmed because you have too much to do.
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  You're overwhelmed because you keep doing the same things over and over in your head.
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  So what does scripture say about this?
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  In James 1.8 it says, a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.
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  All his ways.
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  And I think a lot of us are living this out.
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  We don't even realize it.
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  You decide, then you question it.
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  You choose, then you keep looking.
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  You set a boundary, but then you go back on it.
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  You're constantly switching direction.
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  And your mind, guys, it never settles.
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  And scripture also says this, 1 Corinthians 14.33 says, God is not a God of confusion,
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  but of peace.
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  So if your mind feels chaotic, if everything feels noisy and overwhelming, that's not how
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  you're meant to live.
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  So let me give you something to hold on to.
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  Done and decided beats perfect every single time.
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  Let me say that again.
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  Done and decided beats perfect every single time.
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  Because you can adjust something that's done, but you can't fix something you never even
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  started.
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  Okay?
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  Some of you are trying to perfect things that don't even exist.
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  It's like editing a book you haven't written.
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  You can't refine something you haven't done.
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  So I want you to start messy and finish strong.
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  I did that with the podcast.
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  I would have never published any of these episodes if I hadn't just decided to start
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  messy.
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  Okay?
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  So I want you guys to think about that.
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  Now here's something practical that will change everything.
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  Some of you aren't stuck because you don't know what to do.
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  You're stuck because you have too many options.
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  So here's the rule.
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  Give yourself a time limit or give yourself an option limit.
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  So this could look like giving yourself 10 minutes to make a decision.
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  Or you say, I have three options to pick from, and that's it.
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  Because your brain, I promise you, it will take as long as you give it.
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  And the more options you give it, it does not actually create better decisions.
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  They just create delayed ones.
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  And I want you to think of indecision as clutter.
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  It's just cluttering your mind and your life.
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  This is why I value simplicity in my life.
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  I don't wake up every day wondering what I'm going to eat.
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  I talked about this in a previous episode that I decide to rotate the same two to three
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  breakfasts, the same two to three lunches, and the same two to three dinners.
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  That's called automating your food.
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  And it makes life so much simpler.
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  And I do the same thing with my workout clothes.
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  I just have a handful of outfits that I wear because it's the less I have to decide.
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  And it gives me more energy for what I actually think matters.
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  And not everything in your life needs to be a fresh decision.
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  Like someone needs to hear that out there.
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  I am just as much like on board with the fresh idea and the many options.
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  And I love that too.
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  But it really just makes it exhausting to do that every day.
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  James Clear says, standardize before you optimize.
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  Again, most of you are trying to make everything perfect before you've made it consistent.
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  And then he also says, simplicity is the secret to creating habits that last.
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  Simple is what gets repeated.
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  And simple is what gets done.
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  So here's what we're going to do instead.
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  You've already done the brain dump, right?
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  You've gotten everything out of your head and you put it on paper.
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  Now we're not looking at this list thinking, how do I do all this?
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  We're asking what actually matters today?
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  And I also have a method called the have to and the want to method.
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  So from your brain dump, you're going to pull your have to's.
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  So these are all the things that are time sensitive, the things that truly need to get
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  done and need your attention today.
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  Not everything that feels urgent is.
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  And then I want you to pick one want to from the same list.
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  And this is going to be something that lights you up, moves your life forward, creates clarity
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  or something that you've been avoiding.
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  And that's it.
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  You're not going to do everything on that paper.
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  You're deciding what gets done today.
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  Your brain dump shows you everything.
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  And this method will help you to see what matters.
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  So what are we going to do about the rest?
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  I know that's what some of you are thinking.
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  Well the list is long, right?
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  But here's the answer.
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  Not everything is for today, but everything needs a place.
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  So what we're going to do is one of three things.
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  For the rest of the items on your list, you're going to either one, assign it to a day this
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  week.
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  So it could be for Tuesday or Wednesday or Friday.
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  You're going to push it out on number two.
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  So if it's not this week, we're going to pick another week within this month.
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  Or if you know next month it's a better day, then I want you to write it on the calendar
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  for that day.
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  And then number three is you're going to remove it.
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  So these are items that actually don't matter or it's not for you.
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  So maybe you can delegate this to somebody, whether it be your husband or your kids, a
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  coworker, if it's like work related.
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  We're going to go ahead and remove that off of our list.
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  And if it doesn't have a place, it stays in your head.
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  So we need to decide when it's going to get done so we can get it done and out of your
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  head.
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  Okay.
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  And this is a boundary, guys.
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  Stop putting 20 things on Monday like you're a robot.
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  You know you're not going to get to those 20 things.
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  So be realistic about your capacity.
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  We are not carrying everything in our heads anymore.
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  Ladies, we've got to stop doing that.
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  We're deciding it once and we're giving it a place.
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  So let me bring all this together for you.
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  Your home isn't the only thing that's cluttered.
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  Your mind is too.
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  And your expectations might be as well.
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  You are not stuck.
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  You are just buried under too much.
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  Too many decisions, too many options, too many open loops.
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  Like when you have all those windows open on your computer, we got to close them out.
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  We got to clear it.
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  We got to decide.
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  We got to move.
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  Not perfectly, but consistently.
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  Because your life is not waiting on perfection.
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  It's just waiting on a decision.
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  If you're tired of people pleasing, confused on what your boundaries should be, and want
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  simple steps to create peace in your home, establish clear boundaries, and finally have
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  the satisfaction you crave, you're in the right place.
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  Hey, I'm Lori, wife and mom of teens, and your Practical Boundaries Mentor.
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  I learned the secret of how to set boundaries without guilt, and I have more peace and
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  satisfaction in my life.
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  If you're ready for peace in the chaos, practical boundaries, and a life that actually
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  feels satisfying, set aside that to-do list, pop in your earbuds, and press play.