Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / Friday feature - Attracting your dream squad

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Friday feature - Attracting your dream squad · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apoge production, how to find your circle, how to find
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: a good group of friends to hang around with.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: A lot of people are just living life really lonely,
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  Speaker 2: which is really sad. Your relationships are the most important thing,
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: they really are. Like, if you have solid, good relationships,
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: it just life is just good. Yeah. I feel like
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  Speaker 2: if you don't have that love and connection in your life,
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  Speaker 2: whether that's with the intimate partner, with yourself, with your friends,
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  Speaker 2: like it's just feels empty to me. Love and connection
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  Speaker 2: is my highest and highest values. So yeah, I love
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  Speaker 2: having really good friendships and it's something I've always valued
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  Speaker 2: and always had really good friends.
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  Speaker 3: Definitely been seasons.
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  Speaker 2: Where I've gone in out of different friendships, but I've
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  Speaker 2: always had like solid girlfriends in my life, and it's
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  Speaker 2: so good.
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  Speaker 3: That's so good.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I've gone in and out. Yeah, I
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: feel like early motherhood stages, I went through phases where
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: I kind of lost touch with a lot of my
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  Speaker 1: friends because, like I was.
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  Speaker 3: None of my friends had kids. Yeah, so we're kind
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  Speaker 3: of in different seasons.
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  Speaker 1: So I've gone through phases and yeah, I definitely felt
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: a lot more lonely in those times.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I had kids around the same time my friends
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  Speaker 2: were having kids, so it just brought us closer. Definitely
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  Speaker 2: weeded out some other ones that we didn't have as
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  Speaker 2: much common ground. But I definitely have felt like way
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  Speaker 2: more connected and closer because we've had kids around the
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  Speaker 2: same time. I love that.
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  Speaker 3: It's just so cool.
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  Speaker 1: It's the last five years in particular, I feel like
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  Speaker 1: I really found my good circle of friends just so nice.
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  Speaker 2: I think it's an age thing too. As you get
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  Speaker 2: older and you really know who you are one hundreds,
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  Speaker 2: you value and you start to attract that and bring
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  Speaker 2: that in because you're so clear and.
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  Speaker 1: You know what you want, so you kind of don't
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  Speaker 1: feel far around with the people that.
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  Speaker 3: You don't align with you.
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  Speaker 1: So if someone's not aligning, you just don't really put
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  Speaker 1: in like that much effort. You like, I just don't
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  Speaker 1: know if and it's nothing against them, it's just if
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  Speaker 1: you're different seasons.
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  Speaker 2: Hundred, and that's the most important first step to finding
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  Speaker 2: your circle is really getting to know who you are,
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  Speaker 2: because if you don't know who you are, you won't
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  Speaker 2: know what you're attracting, what you're wanting, and you might
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  Speaker 2: not ever feel like you're really connected. You might walk
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  Speaker 2: away just feeling like if it drained, or like you're
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  Speaker 2: not being your authentic self because you don't really know
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  Speaker 2: who you are and you're just not going to feel
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  Speaker 2: really good about it.
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  Speaker 1: Know what your value, know what your beliefs are, know
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  Speaker 1: what you like to do in your spare time. Align
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  Speaker 1: yourself with people that do the same things, that are
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  Speaker 1: on the same path as you.
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  Speaker 2: It's one thing to like accept people for who they
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  Speaker 2: are and where they're at in their journey, but you're
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  Speaker 2: also allowed to have different desires and friendships and relationships
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  Speaker 2: and standards as to how you want to be treated
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  Speaker 2: and what you're wanting out of that relationship. Like that
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  Speaker 2: is okay. You're allowed to know exactly what you want
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  Speaker 2: and what you desire in your relationships and you don't
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  Speaker 2: have to settle for anything less.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, you deserve exactly what you want to make you
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  Speaker 1: make you thrive.
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  Speaker 2: And like you said, it's nothing against that person, but
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  Speaker 2: if they're not aligning with what you want, then they're
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  Speaker 2: not your people.
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  Speaker 3: And it's okay.
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  Speaker 1: True when you're around the ones that do align you
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  Speaker 1: both set each other on fire.
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  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, both push each other.
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  Speaker 1: You're both in the same direction.
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  Speaker 3: It's easy it's.
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  Speaker 2: Not hard, and the vibration and the frequency you're both
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  Speaker 2: on like, oh so good. Yeah, and you find those people. Yeah,
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  Speaker 2: it does. It literally lights you up. Yeah, it gives
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  Speaker 2: you that energy.
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  Speaker 3: It does. It does.
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  Speaker 2: And then when you start, if you're in your around
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  Speaker 2: people and you don't feel that and you feel drained,
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  Speaker 2: it's like, oh, maybe this isn't the season.
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  Speaker 3: For us right now.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's our number one tip is just really
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  Speaker 2: getting to know yourself and how do you do that.
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  Speaker 2: It's like doing the inner work. It's getting curious, it's
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  Speaker 2: asking more questions. It might be seeing a coach, journaling,
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  Speaker 2: reading more about human psychology. Like, there's so many ways
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  Speaker 2: you can do that, and it's a journey that never
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  Speaker 2: kind of ends because you're always changing.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and there's always neny things to learn about yourself. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: When you show up a certain way, or you react
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  Speaker 2: a certain way, you feel triggered with something, it's like,
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  Speaker 2: get curious, Okay, what why do I feel like that?
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  Speaker 3: Literally?
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  Speaker 2: Write that down. I get asked all the time, like,
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  Speaker 2: how do your journal write that down? Why do I
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  Speaker 2: feel triggered when this person says this? Why did I
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  Speaker 2: react so big when my partner said this or made
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  Speaker 2: me feel this, and then I got angry about this,
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  Speaker 2: and then it brought a memory back about when I
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  Speaker 2: was younger, Like whatever comes up, unpack.
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  Speaker 1: It, and sometimes don't you find Like I'll write something
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  Speaker 1: down that I think about, and then it might come
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  Speaker 1: to me like a couple months later and a h
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  Speaker 1: I know why I felt like that, or I know
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  Speaker 1: why I reacted that way. It all comes back up when.
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  Speaker 2: You've got self awareness and you're on that journey of
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  Speaker 2: doing the inner work.
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  Speaker 1: So first way is get out, Yes, do the things
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  Speaker 1: that you love to do, be around the people that
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  Speaker 1: are doing the things that you want to be doing.
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  Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I've got a good example for this. I've got this
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  Speaker 2: girlfriend of mine and she's single, and she's wanting to
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  Speaker 2: meet someone, and she's going out every weekend and drinking
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  Speaker 2: and partying and just meeting these people who just are
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  Speaker 2: not who she's wanting to be with, and just wasting
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  Speaker 2: so much of a time. But I said to her,
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  Speaker 2: I was like, you're going out and drinking and partying.
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  Speaker 3: If you meet.
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  Speaker 2: People out there, that's what they're valuing, that's what they're
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  Speaker 2: doing on their weekends. You're saying you want to meet
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  Speaker 2: someone that's into breath work. You're saying you want to
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  Speaker 2: meet someone that's doing the inner work. You say you
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  Speaker 2: want to meet someone who values sunrises and healthy eating,
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  Speaker 2: but you're not doing that yourself. You're going out to
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  Speaker 2: nightclubs and to bars. If you want to meet that
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  Speaker 2: kind of man, go do morning breath work on the
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  Speaker 2: Saturday morning they hold free at early Beach like go
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  Speaker 2: and do courses and events like even for women wanting
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  Speaker 2: to meet friends that are into the same things, come
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  Speaker 2: to an ultimate girl's day out. But you're meeting women
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  Speaker 2: who are wanting to unpack their stuff. They're wanting to
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  Speaker 2: be around like minded women. They're wanting to try stepping
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  Speaker 2: outside the ca zone. They wanting to see what an
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  Speaker 2: ice bath feels like. They're wanting to be a our
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  Speaker 2: women so they can have those deeper conversations, they can
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  Speaker 2: express vulnerability and have that safe space.
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  Speaker 3: But if you're not putting yourself.
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  Speaker 2: Out there and being in those environments, you're not going
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  Speaker 2: to find them. You're not going to find them if you're.
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  Speaker 1: Stay in that same place or do the same things
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  Speaker 1: no one knew was going to show.
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  Speaker 2: Up exactly like you have to be brave and put
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  Speaker 2: yourself out there. Yeah, dance classes, sporting events, go to
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  Speaker 2: the beach events, so.
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  Speaker 3: Many places you can meet them. Yeah yeah, opening up
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  Speaker 3: your eyes, your minds. Yeah yeah.
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  Speaker 1: The next thing that we thought of as well is
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  Speaker 1: being open. So we thought we'd kind of share the
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  Speaker 1: story of how we meant yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And brave and brave and about it. I'm like, God,
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  Speaker 3: you were real brave.
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  Speaker 1: So Ash messaged me online and was just like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: you were cool.
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  Speaker 3: Let's hang out at your dm DM Yeah true.
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  Speaker 1: And I said to you, I was like, I've been
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  Speaker 1: following you for ages. I was like, I love that
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  Speaker 1: because I was like, this is the type of person that
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  Speaker 1: aligns with me. I'm being open. I'm like freeing up
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  Speaker 1: space to meet, letting.
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  Speaker 2: This person come to my house. It could be a psycho,
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  Speaker 2: which is not. And I was brave to even reach
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  Speaker 2: out to it, like I easily got rejected. There's been
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  Speaker 2: so many people online that I followed, really aligned with them,
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  Speaker 2: reach out and I never hear back.
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  Speaker 3: You know, we really whether.
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  Speaker 2: They don't check that DMS or whatever, or I meet
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  Speaker 2: them in real life and then nothing like they were online.
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  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, oh, it's interesting. But I just, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: I felt this pool. I felt like we would connect.
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  Speaker 2: I felt like we were super aligned, like a value
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  Speaker 2: as I believes, just the things that we're working on.
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  Speaker 3: And yeah, it was great and also good like that
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  Speaker 3: like you would just put yourself out. Yeah, it's like, hey,
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  Speaker 3: like let's get scared of getting rejected.
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  Speaker 1: No, but you're also like not nervous about meeting up
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  Speaker 1: with people, and yeah.
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  Speaker 3: I'm always open to new connections. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like if you've been hurt or been betrayed before,
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  Speaker 2: you can easily shut yourself off. Yeah, and I'm super
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  Speaker 2: aware not to do that, because you could be closing
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  Speaker 2: yourself off to the bestest friendship you've ever had, or
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  Speaker 2: just true someone that you really need in that season.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I'm open to it.
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  Speaker 1: But I also feel like if I can kind of
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  Speaker 1: know the first time hanging out with someone, if it's like.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, standards of what you want in friendships.
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  Speaker 1: And you want someone who you know is lifting you up,
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  Speaker 1: not pulling you down. You want someone who you're valuing
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  Speaker 1: your time with them and encourage your time is precious at.
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  Speaker 2: The end of the day, especially becoming a mum. Since
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  Speaker 2: becoming a mum, especially a mom of two. I don't
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  Speaker 2: know about if it so just get.
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  Speaker 3: It does, can you?
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  Speaker 1: I would have one time with that one on one.
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  Speaker 3: So your time is more precious.
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  Speaker 2: So now it's like I'm so selective who I hang
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  Speaker 2: out with and even at night times, like I love
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  Speaker 2: that as family times are you socialize all the time,
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  Speaker 2: like during the week on the weekends. But now it's like,
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  Speaker 2: I want to be with my family. So if I
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: choose to hang out with a friend, it's because I
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  Speaker 2: really really value them. The other ones that start to
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  Speaker 2: dwindle away if they're not super aligned.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, your time is so so precious A so having
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  Speaker 2: standards of how you want to be treated, how you
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: want to feel in that friendship. You want to feel supported,
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  Speaker 2: you want to feel encouraged, you want them to be
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  Speaker 2: one of your biggest cheerleaders, and you shouldn't settle for
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  Speaker 2: anything less than that.
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  Speaker 3: No, yeah, you shouldn't. Having hobbies that align and just
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  Speaker 3: common ground.
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  Speaker 2: I feel like that's why a lot of mums do
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: get really close when they have kids, because you have
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: that common ground.
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  Speaker 3: It's like, oh, how many shits did your kid do today?
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  Speaker 2: Like you can have this rash when this happened, Like
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  Speaker 2: is that common ground that can bring connection and it
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  Speaker 2: might be forever, it might just be for that season
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  Speaker 2: of newborn stage or whatever. But even like having hobbies
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: like I've met a couple of girlfriends at dance class,
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  Speaker 2: like Meg, she's now my ea, we met a dance class.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: I was but rewind she volunteered at one of my
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: squad tours in Adelaide years.
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  Speaker 3: Ago, like one, I know. Crazy.
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  Speaker 2: On top of that, I suppose like being okay to
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: close off old friendships, which oh, we've spoken about this before.
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: I find this very hard. You're not so much.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: I just think it does a disservice to them and
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  Speaker 1: myself if I'm hanging on and it's not a genuine
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: friendship anymore and there's no ill feelings. It doesn't need
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: to be something where it's a big fight or this
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  Speaker 1: be like, Okay, you can dwindle off.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: Yes you can have to be a conversation.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even need to but if there needs to
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: be a conversation, sometimes there need to be a conversation
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: as well. But yeah, I mean, it doesn't.
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  Speaker 3: Have to be a bad thing.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: You can wish them well, wish them peace, wish them
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  Speaker 1: love and be like, okay, this is the end of
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: that chapter for me.
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Yes, definitely being okay with rejection and knowing that that
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: person isn't few. And this is something I suppose with
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: me putting myself out there to you, I had to
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  Speaker 2: be okay that.
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  Speaker 3: If you didn't want to hang out.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you have to be okay with that. Like,
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: even though you feel a connection and vibe with someone,
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: they might not feel that. That's okay too.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Go in with pretty low expectations, especially the first time meeting,
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  Speaker 1: just opening myself up, but expectations.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Low when your date, you're kind of dating friends, kind of.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: You to have to be so true.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you don't know how they're going to feel, if
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: it's going to feel good for them or not.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and you got to take risk, yes, no risk,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: no reward everything in life. If you want to find
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: those people, you've just got to be brave, be vulnerable,
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: be open. All the words have in saying true. Definitely,
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: there's no easy way. No one's just going to go
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: knock on your dog, hey, be my friend, married, to
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: step outside your comfort zone or else.
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  Speaker 3: It's not going to happen.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really harsh, but to wrap this all up,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: it really is putting yourself out there, being brave, knowing
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: who you are, knowing the standards of what you want
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: in a friendship, what makes you feel good, and putting
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: yourself out there to find them.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, especially the only way we