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More Than Bubble Baths and Manicure: What Self-Care Really Looks Like with Ben Espinoza! · Anchored by the Sword

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Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Anchor by the
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Sword podcast. I pray that today's episode will
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leave you encouraged and also challenged in your faith.
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And I pray that you would take the stories that are talked
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about here today and share them with other people.
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Thank you so much for joining me and enjoy today's episode.
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Hey guys, welcome to this episode, the Anchor by the Sore
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podcast. I'm excited today to introduce
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you guys to Ben Espinoza. He has a book that is coming out
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today called Good News about self-care.
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How nurturing your soul, yourself and your sanity honors
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God. Now, I know that self-care is
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quite an overused word and also one of those words that can mean
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60 different things depending on who you talk to.
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So I'm excited to learn how it should be properly done for us
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as Christians and just to learn more about Ben.
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So thanks for coming on today. Awesome.
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Thank you so much for having me, Gina.
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Such a pleasure. Yeah, absolutely.
1:02
Can you tell my listeners a little bit about yourself?
1:04
Absolutely. So right now I serve as lead
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pastor of Riverstone Church which is just outside of
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Rochester, NY western side of the state.
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Not anywhere near New York City but it's more near Buffalo if
1:16
you understand the geography of New York.
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Currently serve as lead pastor here.
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Been here for a few years. In a previous life, I was a
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higher education administrator at Roberts Wesleyan University
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here in Rochester as well. Born and raised in the Detroit
1:31
area. My wife, Doctor Hannah Espinoza,
1:33
and I have three boys. So we're busy doing ministry.
1:36
We do some teaching, I do some writing, and we have a very,
1:40
very adventurous, very exciting, very, very busy life, I guess
1:44
you could say. So that's a little bit about me
1:46
and I'm sure your listeners what will know a little bit more
1:49
about me as we talk more about the book today.
1:51
Absolutely. And we were talking beforehand.
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We have an Ohio connection. That's right.
1:58
That's right. So I spent three years in Ohio
2:01
in Bowling Green, OH, pastoring a church, but also my wife and I
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met at Cedarville University. So I think I spent in total
2:08
about five years in the great state of Ohio.
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I'm from Michigan, born and raised.
2:12
I love Michigan, but I love Ohio too.
2:14
So we're we're good. It's all, it's all, it's all
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good. It's all.
2:17
Good. That's all right.
2:18
I won't hold it against you. It's OK.
2:19
Thank you. Thank you.
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Yeah, I've, I've told my dad because my dad's a die hard Ohio
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State fan. We're from Canton area, Football
2:28
Hall of Fame area. So he is die hard Ohio State and
2:32
I have been to Michigan myself. I love like up by the lake, up
2:36
in the up in the upper mid area. I love it.
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That's right. And I'm like, dad, you can't
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judge an entire state because of one city and one college.
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OK, that's true. That's true.
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Yeah. I was like, it's gorgeous.
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It's one city. You don't even have to stop
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there. Exactly.
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Exactly. Amen.
2:55
Amen, Gina. I love it.
2:58
So let's talk about your personal freedom story.
3:01
Absolutely. So, you know, for me thinking
3:04
more about the book here, you know, this book is really the
3:07
product of an experience I had in 2020, everybody's favorite
3:11
year, right? Right.
3:13
Right. So you know, toward the
3:14
beginning of 2020, I started a big administrative job at at a
3:18
university locally. My wife and I were finishing up
3:21
our pH DS at Michigan State University.
3:24
My wife was pregnant with our second child.
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I was responsible for adult and online education.
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At the very beginning of 2020, we moved in with my in laws.
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We were trying to sell our house in Michigan while we tried to
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get acclimated to life here in New York State.
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And then in March 2020, a little thing called the COVID pandemic
3:43
happened and everything sort of just fell apart.
3:46
And you know, a lot of us were still figuring out how to
3:49
navigate the pandemic. I think there's a lot of people
3:52
made a lot of decisions, made a lot of said a lot of things and
3:55
we were trying to process what was happening to us at that
3:58
time. But in April of 2020, I started
4:01
to get these bumps on my hands. So I consulted Dr. Google as as
4:06
good people do, of course. And I was like, OK, what is what
4:08
is going on here? And it turns out it was just
4:10
stress bumps, right? If you put some lotion, put some
4:12
cream on there, it's OK, you're fine.
4:15
So after those bumps went away, I started to get these twitches
4:18
in my eyes and I read on web MD that if your eye switches for
4:22
like more than six weeks, that could be something really,
4:25
really bad. So I got freaked out about that.
4:27
Eventually that was healed and then I started to get this pain
4:30
in my lower back and then in my lower abdomen area.
4:34
And then eventually my whole body just started to hurt all
4:36
the time and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I lost so much
4:40
weight. And I don't know if you've gone
4:42
more than a couple days without sleep, Gina, but when you when
4:45
you don't sleep, you know, consistently, reality and your
4:50
imagination start to blend together in a weird way.
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So I eventually decide I'm like, you know what?
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I got to get checked out. I got to see what's happening
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here. So I went to my doctor and I saw
5:00
him a few times and we eventually discovered that that
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I was like super stressed out and all these different good
5:07
things like, you know, getting done with my doctor and having
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our second child, you know, having this big job, you know,
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getting to spend more time with my in laws.
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All these things, while good, caused a lot of stress and
5:18
anxiety. And that was compounded by the
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fact that we were living in, in the, in the Covic 19 pandemic, a
5:23
very traumatic experience for a lot of people.
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So during that time I realized, you know what, I don't know how
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to steward myself if I believe that I'm created in the image of
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God, which is very true, which is what you find in Genesis
5:36
chapter 1. And I'm called to look more and
5:39
more like Jesus, who was the perfect image of God, that I
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have to do a better job of caring for myself not only
5:45
physically, mentally and emotionally, but also
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relationally and spiritually, of course.
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So through that whole experience, I discovered
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practices of Sabbath and solitude, but also more complex,
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more complex practices about learning how to how to enjoy
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hobbies and play, learning how to how to develop stronger,
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healthier relationships with people.
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So that that is my freedom story.
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The Lord really rescued me from that.
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And that's really the the impetus for this book.
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That's why I wrote this book is to help people understand how to
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better care for themselves as image bearers so that we can
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love God and love our neighbors as ourselves, which is Our
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Calling as Christians. Yeah, absolutely.
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Thank you for sharing that. And I know COVID, COVID was
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quite an interesting time for all of us.
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We all had our different experiences.
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I was walking through my 13 week freedom Journey, started it
6:38
right in January and then COVID had to figure out how to attend
6:44
the classes, which we did. I was in one room, the person
6:47
leading it was in the other, you know, figuring all this stuff
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out as we were Ohio. I talked about it before, like
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at 2:00 PM every day. It was wine with the wine.
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And now I'm not, I'm not a drinker.
7:03
I didn't drink wine, but I sure watched every day.
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And I noticed that I was feeling all the anxiety because I was
7:12
watching it. And I live with asthma.
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And so of course, then they're saying all this stuff and it's
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like compounding onto your head. And I realized that I was living
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literally, and I still do this at times too.
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Like I was in a constant like fight mode and not not really
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understanding why until I stopped watching it every day.
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I mean, I never stopped working because I was working from home,
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but it was like, that was the thing every day.
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And I was just finding so stressful.
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And then until a friend who's like, hey, do you really care
7:48
about what's going on right now? Do you want to come over?
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I was like yes please. Yes, yes, yes.
7:55
Yes. And she's like, get over here.
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And I was at her house 15 minutes later.
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So it was just everybody had to find their own way to navigate
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it. And yeah, you know it.
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You never realize the stress you have, even if you don't feel it,
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it compounds somewhere. This happened to me.
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The actually the it's kind of crazy you were talking about
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that. This just happened to me the
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other night and I used to get it a lot more, but I literally had
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hives from my scalp to mid torso and my arms and I mean raised,
8:28
raised hives that were itching and everything else.
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And I was like, if this is here in the morning, I'm going to the
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hospital and took Benadryl, took my inhaler, took a shower, woke
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up and they were gone. I was like thank.
8:43
You and prayer mostly. But I was like, thank you,
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Jesus. I wake up and I'm good.
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Like thank you. Skin's a little itchy still, but
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thank you God that they're gone. Amen.
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Amen. Yeah, we just never know how
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stress is actually going to affect us.
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It's true, it's true. And, and I, I talk about this in
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the book too, Gina, but really like that experience not only
9:03
drew me closer to the Lord, but it also helped me understand my
9:07
own life story. You know, grew up in like a
9:09
household where achievement, accomplishment was sort of the,
9:12
you know, if you want to be a successful human being, you have
9:15
to achieve, you have to accomplish things.
9:17
And, and I love my father. I love my family very, very
9:19
much, But I, I think one of the byproducts of that was just not
9:22
learning how to take care of myself, right.
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So I graduated from College in three years, breezed through
9:27
seminary, became pastor of a church, got my doctorate at a
9:31
young age, started writing and speaking and doing these
9:33
different kinds of things. And, and the, the pandemic just,
9:37
it compounded these things and made me realize, wow, I have no
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idea how to take care of myself. And it's manifest years and
9:44
years of this Gina exploded during the pandemic.
9:48
And it was only then that I started to pick up the pieces of
9:50
my life. So you're absolutely right.
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You have, you have no idea how your body's handling these
9:55
things or carrying these things until probably it's a little bit
9:58
too late now. I'm really thankful that you
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were able to be healed of the hives.
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Praise God and everything. But your body's telling you
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something, right? Oh my goodness, I have to do so.
10:06
I have to change something here, right?
10:07
So that's so true. Absolutely.
10:10
So how have you seen God use what you learned there to help
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other people? That's such a great question.
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I thank you so much for asking it.
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There have been a number of conversations that I've had with
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with people whom with I have a strong relationship and I was
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able to share more about myself care Journey because it's not
10:30
something I was very public about.
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I started to only speak and write about it in 2021 and I was
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able to talk with people in some pretty deep and powerful ways.
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Let me give you an example. I was at a conference one time
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and, and I was speaking at it, and I just had sort of like a
10:47
throwaway line about how the pandemic, you know, kind of
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pushed a lot of us into unhealthy coping mechanisms
10:54
because it did between drinking, substance abuse, these kinds of
10:57
things, different kinds of addictions.
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It was just a throwaway line. And I had about four or five
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people come up to me to confess what they were struggling with.
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And I was able to say, look, this is what happened to me.
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Let's process this kind of thing together, right?
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Because, you know, we're still, I think we're still trying to
11:12
make sense of what happened to us during the pandemic, not
11:15
living in like a post pandemic world.
11:17
It's a very pandemic size where we're so influenced by what
11:21
happened to the during the pandemic.
11:23
So people still want to process these things.
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So I've had to, I've been able to talk to a number of people,
11:29
good colleagues, good friends, but also family members that
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are, that are navigating these journeys of like stress and
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anxiety, depression, frustration, and really
11:37
relearning, you know, what it means to care for yourself in
11:40
Christ. So what, you know, it was a
11:42
really difficult season. It was very, very hard.
11:45
But I, I see the Lord using it in really powerful ways in the
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lives of people that I know and care about.
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So it's, it's, it's been a blessing.
11:54
Yeah. And I think that COVID, as much
11:56
bad as it had, the good is that it realized that mental health
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struggles. Yes.
12:03
It's eating away at the stigma and people were more apt to talk
12:09
about it because, number one, they didn't have much else going
12:12
on. And so all those things were
12:14
popping to the surface. And so people are realizing just
12:17
how important mental health actually is.
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And also, I think it in the stripping away, like in my case,
12:26
other things were birthed. And so we got to see the rise of
12:30
the good parts of social media and Zoom and doing all these
12:34
other things even when we were still trying to figure our lives
12:40
out and churches shutting down and everything else.
12:42
Absolutely, I agree 100%. Yeah, that's been been my
12:45
experience. Just like, like you said
12:48
something that that you said that is really compelling to me,
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Gina, you know, that stigma has been being chipped away at with
12:54
regards to, to, to mental health issues.
12:57
And I'm very public with people. It's like I have a coach and
13:00
I've had a few different therapists throughout my life.
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And, and I recommend that that that people explore that option
13:06
because through therapy, you're going to have somebody to talk
13:09
with that can help you navigate through the journey here.
13:12
And, you know, if you haven't talked to to your pastor or, or
13:15
community leader about these things, go ahead and do that,
13:17
you know, because life is a journey and we have to share it
13:20
together. These are resources that God has
13:22
blessed us with to help us navigate through these, these,
13:25
these struggles together. So go ahead and do that.
13:28
You know, nobody, honestly, nobody cares.
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I mean, you could tell everybody Ben Espinoza is a therapist.
13:34
Like I don't care if people know because a lot more people need
13:37
therapy than people who are probably getting it right.
13:40
Right, right, exactly. And that's the thing, we've
13:43
talked about it so many times on this podcast enough that it
13:46
actually became the first section of the book that I wrote
13:49
is about mental health. And we talk about the tools that
13:54
God gives us in the form of therapy.
13:57
You know, he gave counselors the gifts to be able to help us walk
14:01
through things. Medication, whether we need it
14:04
short term or long term, you know, then those are also
14:08
beneficial. Absolutely.
14:10
Other people and church and community, those things are so
14:14
important to be able to get through this life because like
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you said, you know, we're not meant to do this on our own.
14:21
That's right, we can't. That's right, I can't.
14:24
Yeah, I haven't figured out how, so I don't think anybody else
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has. Yeah.
14:29
Yeah, let me know if you do because I'd really like to learn
14:32
from you there, Gina. So that that is just so true.
14:35
I've been blessed by by so many people who have spent, you know,
14:38
their time and their energy and their schooling trying to just
14:42
get trained on how to be mental health practitioners.
14:44
So I've been the beneficiary of that.
14:46
And without those bills, resources, I wouldn't be where I
14:49
am today. So I'm I'm, I'm the I'm the
14:52
first to say, look, you know, talk to your pastor.
14:54
Maybe you know, I can have a cup of coffee, coffee.
14:56
But but if, if, if we think you need something more than then
14:59
let's go and talk to somebody that you trust.
15:01
A good a good Christian counselor.
15:03
So a hearty Amen to all that, Gina.
15:07
Yeah, so let's start talking about self-care, God's way
15:13
instead of even though I will say manicures are kind of fun.
15:19
Yeah, but no doubt, let's talk about how we should take care of
15:23
ourselves God's way. No, I really appreciate that.
15:26
So so when you look at the book, you know, it's it's
15:29
conceptualized in four key relationships.
15:33
Number one is our relationship with God #2 our relationship
15:37
with ourselves #3 our relationship with society #4 our
15:42
relationship with other people. So in contrast to some more
15:46
modern secular approaches to self-care, you know, I start
15:50
with God first, particularly God's word and having life in
15:54
the word, right? A lamp into our feet, a light
15:56
into our path, right? So I in, in the book, you know,
15:59
I, I talk about how there's so many metaphors for God's word.
16:03
It's, it's milk, it's honey. But I, I, I like to talk about
16:07
it as, as jalapenos. It's spicy, it issues hot takes
16:10
on the day. It can be, it can be a warm cup
16:13
of tea on a cold day. It can be like bittersweet,
16:17
right? It's, it's beautiful.
16:18
And in that it can kind of kind of show you got God's love and
16:21
his kindness and his compassion, but it also can be a bitter and
16:24
calling you out and some things that you need to get right with.
16:27
So I taught people that healthy Christ Center self-care begins
16:31
with a firm knowledge of God's word, prayer, making sure you're
16:34
having a constant relationship with God, and then engaging in
16:38
worship and practices of gratitude right there.
16:40
So, so for me, Christ centered God honoring self-care begins
16:44
with prayer, Bible study and the practices of worship and
16:48
gratitude. And then for me, you start to
16:50
think about physical self-care, which is where a lot of people
16:53
start. Like you said, the manicures,
16:55
the the bubble baths, the Jacuzzi or chocolate.
16:58
These are wonderful things and that's OK.
17:01
But unless you can get your life with God, right, the rest of it
17:04
is going to be pretty disordered, right?
17:06
So I talked about mental, emotional self-care as well,
17:09
because it's very, very important that we have a healthy
17:11
relationship with our emotions, not that we're, we're completely
17:15
putting them at arm's length. We're engaging with them in a
17:18
way that is honoring to Christ. And I also talked about
17:21
playfulness, right? And there's a part in the book
17:24
where I talk about hustle culture because in our in our
17:27
culture today, you know, we're pressured to monetize
17:30
everything. If you're good at this or that,
17:32
it's like, okay, make some money off of it.
17:35
Whereas I think God's way is play and enjoy these things
17:38
because they're gifts in and of themselves, right?
17:41
So then I talked about our relationship with society.
17:44
And this is where Sabbath and solitude come in, because
17:47
Sabbath to me, it's, it's, it's a personal thing, of course, but
17:50
it was also communal. When God instituted Sabbath, he
17:53
said, look, I LED you people out of Egypt.
17:56
There were gods in Egypt that were oppressing you.
17:59
They told you to work every single day until, until you were
18:02
dead each day, right? And yet here I am.
18:04
I'm going to give you rest. You are my children, you are
18:07
mine. Now you're working 5-6 days of
18:09
the week and here you are. This is going to be a day that
18:11
you set aside as holy. This is one of the 10
18:14
commandments, right? We're going to rest, right?
18:17
So it's, it's resistance against some of the things and culture
18:20
that push and, and pull us toward viewing ourselves as, as,
18:24
as, as things that produce, right?
18:27
Like the pressure to produce and achieve and accomplish these
18:30
things, right? I'll talk about solitude,
18:32
limiting technology, and then finally, like building healthy
18:36
work life rhythms and understanding your mission in
18:40
life. I think it's very important for
18:42
us as as as ambitious people to be able to say, look, this is my
18:46
goal for this season in my life. And that allows me to say yes to
18:50
great opportunities and no to other opportunities.
18:53
Finally, I talked about having healthy relationships.
18:56
There are some relationships that are going to bring me
18:59
closer to God and make me more to the image of Christ.
19:02
And there are relationships that are going to drain me and I and
19:05
I think there's a lot of wisdom in the word about the kinds of
19:08
relationships that we ought to be having.
19:10
So, So for me, it starts with our relationship with God and
19:13
making sure that we're getting that right.
19:15
And then we move to our relationship with ourselves and
19:18
making sure that we're caring for ourselves physically,
19:20
emotionally, but also in terms of recreation.
19:23
And then making sure we have a healthy relationship with
19:26
society, particularly technology.
19:28
We, as we talked about social media during the pandemic, we
19:31
saw the good and the ill and having a healthy relationship
19:34
with technology. And finally, after we get things
19:37
right with God, with ourselves, having a healthy view of our
19:41
relationship with society, then I think we can start to say, OK,
19:45
what is the really what is the best use of my time with
19:47
relation with relationships, right?
19:49
So that's a long winded way of saying it starts with God and
19:53
it's going to influence everything else that we do.
19:56
So for me, that's what Christ honoring self-care looks like.
20:00
Yeah, and I love how you talk about that because I know I've
20:04
seen it in my own life, even presently recently, that if
20:10
you're putting more focus on one area, but God's not the first,
20:16
that everything feels off kilter.
20:18
It's true. So true.
20:20
In the job that I do, the first two weeks of a new year, 2 to 3
20:23
weeks are insanity and working 50 plus hours a week because
20:31
it's just to keep your head above water and you notice that
20:35
other things are falling by the wayside.
20:37
And it's like, OK, I'm literally up till 3:00 in the morning
20:41
doing this. Where's my reading time?
20:43
Like when's the last time I read?
20:45
Like you know all those things. And it's, it's so easy because
20:49
like you said, it's the hustle. It's the got to get it done.
20:52
You feel better if you get it done, then the let's rest and
20:57
things will get done. Absolutely, absolutely.
21:01
I think it was Martin Luther that that said I, I'm too busy
21:04
not to pray, right. So I, I take that to heart.
21:08
It's like, oh man, I have all these things.
21:10
I got this paperwork on my desk. I got to sign these kinds of
21:12
things. And it's like, wow, you know, I
21:14
have to spend time with the Lord right here, otherwise this is
21:17
all going to get even more out of whack, right?
21:20
And we spent time with God not as a means to an end, but
21:22
because it's good for us. It's how he wired us, you know,
21:25
where our hearts are restless until we rest in Him, right?
21:28
So, yeah, Amen. I mean, it's we really have to
21:32
do a better job of getting our priority straight.
21:34
Oh I agree 100%. I was at a leadership training
21:37
the other day or when this airs a couple months ago, and it was
21:43
like everything that I needed to hear at that moment.
21:46
Because as you know, in leadership, when you're trying
21:49
to figure out delegating, when you're trying to figure out what
21:52
is the best use of your time and the best use of what God's
21:55
giving you to do that you can also have a really hard time
21:59
handing stuff off to other people just so you can keep
22:03
going and keep going and what you're supposed to do.
22:05
And it's so hard, but this teaching was so good.
22:08
It's like you have to, you have to take some of it off your
22:12
shoulders because if you don't, then you're going to have task
22:15
paralysis or all these other things where you're not going to
22:18
do anything. That's right.
22:20
Then they're done that too. So.
22:22
Amen, Amen. And I talk about this in the
22:24
book about in Acts chapter 6, when, when the Greek widows are
22:28
being ignored in the daily distribution of food.
22:32
And the apostles are like, well, we have to focus on the prayer
22:35
and the ministry of the word. Let's find 7 spirit filled men
22:38
who can take care of this on our behalf.
22:40
And at first you're like, wow, these are like, really like the
22:43
apostles are, are, are kind of being mean here.
22:46
They're like, Oh, we can't trouble ourselves with these
22:48
people, But they're like, no, you know, we want to make sure
22:50
that they're taken care of. We have a specific mission and a
22:53
focus right now. We want to make sure they're
22:55
taken care of as well. And I, I say this in the book,
22:58
it's a little throwaway line, but it's, it's, it's really
23:00
relevant to what you were saying.
23:01
It's like, you know, that is a good lesson and delegation
23:04
because if the apostles did all these things, they, they
23:07
wouldn't be able to, to be about the work that God has called
23:09
them to do. And I even think about Jesus
23:12
too, you know, when, when Mary says, hey, you know, they're out
23:15
of wine. Jesus, can you take care of
23:16
this? And he's like, this isn't my
23:18
time right now. Yeah, Now he, he, he obliges her
23:21
wish because I believe it's the Father's will.
23:24
But he, he says I have specific time for these kinds of things.
23:27
So even when you look at Jesus's life, he's like, there's a
23:30
specific set of things that I'm supposed to accomplish during my
23:32
time here on the on earth. The Spirit's going to take care
23:35
of the rest. My apostles are, are going to
23:37
grow the church here. Yeah.
23:39
And yet it's a good lesson for us.
23:41
We can't do everything. If Jesus needed limits on his
23:46
ministry, then I think we do too.
23:48
Right, right. If Jesus needed to get away and
23:51
have solitude time, then we need to do the same.
23:54
Absolutely, that's right and we want to be like Jesus, right, It
23:57
makes sense. Let's do that and how many times
23:59
do we do we forget about that right.
24:01
We try and let like labor for the ministry for the people, and
24:06
yet Jesus withdrew to these lonely places to pray I all
24:09
night sometimes right. So you got me started on this
24:12
whole thing, Gina. No, it's OK because it's so
24:15
important, because it is so easy to forget.
24:18
It's so easy to forget that we all have 1:00 calling and that's
24:21
to reach people for Christ. That's our main calling.
24:24
And then we all have our subsets, like what our
24:28
individual gifts and talents are to be used for.
24:32
But and then it's so easy to get wrapped up in that.
24:35
And like that becomes everything that you're thinking about,
24:37
everything that you do, but you forget The Who who called you.
24:42
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
24:46
It is, It is really, really true.
24:48
Gina, you know, I, I talk about this in the book a little bit
24:51
about how, you know, it's important to really define your
24:54
seasonal mission. Yes.
24:55
And it's interesting, but because in, in some ways it's a
24:57
very privileged thing. It's like, oh, I, I can do
24:59
whatever I want. But I thought I talk about my
25:02
grandfather, who, who, who is this Mexican immigrant who
25:06
didn't have more than a 6th grade education.
25:08
He dropped out of school to take care of his family and he came
25:11
here, first generation Mexican American here, here in the US
25:15
and worked really, really hard to, to see his family, you know,
25:19
succeed here in the States. And I, and I say it's like, you
25:22
know, I, I really doubt having a life's mission was really core
25:26
to my grandpa's life. But if he had a life's mission,
25:29
it probably would have been to provide as best of life for my
25:32
family as possible, right? And I think that's OK right now.
25:36
So we have to be very almost ruthless in the things that we
25:39
do. We're going to say yes to what
25:40
we're going to say no to because there's going to be no short of
25:43
no shortage of directions in which we can get pulled.
25:46
So it makes sense in this season of my life, I'm doing these
25:49
things. And if they line up and it makes
25:51
sense, I'm going to keep doing these things.
25:54
But if they don't, I'm going to say no, That's OK.
25:57
You're only one person. Exactly.
25:59
And the planner that I use every year, Horatio printing, I love
26:03
Paulie and her company. She every quarter there's a re
26:09
evaluation like there's a there's a goal for the season.
26:11
Like what are you hoping for this season?
26:14
What are you praying for this season?
26:16
Like a real strong focus as to where you're going in each
26:20
season, where you've planned, you know, where you've taken
26:23
your visions with God and wrote everything out and you know,
26:28
like quarterly. So it's just been a really,
26:30
really good thing to re evaluate that.
26:36
That's good. Just to make sure that now in my
26:39
season that I'm coming out of as of the time the step comes out,
26:43
I've literally been post op. So I haven't really done much
26:48
when it comes to being able to run around and do all the
26:51
things, but I've been able to focus on what the next quarter
26:55
is going to look like and the next quarter and the next
26:57
quarter of 2026. So it's, you know, it was a
27:02
forced sit down. It was a forced time off.
27:08
But good otherwise, yeah. You know, it's such a hard thing
27:12
to do like, because we feel as though, like you said, it's,
27:15
it's forced time off, but the same time it's like, what are
27:18
these forces that are just driving us to achieve more Like
27:21
it's, it's OK to be off your feet for six weeks and recover.
27:25
You know, the Lord thought it good that this is going to be
27:27
the period in which you're going to be able to, to rest and
27:31
recover and take care of yourself, right?
27:34
So, yeah, it's, it's one of those things where it's like,
27:36
why are we driven here? Like unless we're, we're like,
27:39
we're finding our worth and in our productivity, what we
27:42
accomplish, what we achieve. Whereas whereas the Lord's like,
27:45
you know, find, find your, your trust and your rest and me.
27:48
So it's, it's something, it's all, I'll struggle with it the
27:51
rest of my life. You probably.
27:52
Will yeah, absolutely. So what do you say to somebody
27:57
who is a new believer or they're coming off the self-care equals
28:03
the manicures, the bubble baths, the pedicures, the going away.
28:10
I'm totally behind. If you need to go away for a
28:12
weekend, it's fine. Like, and they're saying that
28:15
this is all the main levels of self-care, but now they've
28:18
either come to Christ or they are wanting to deepen their
28:21
relationship with him. What do you say to them when
28:25
they're looking at this new area of self-care?
28:28
I, I would say don't, don't throw out the manicures, the
28:31
bubble baths like the going away, those, those need to be
28:33
part. If you're able to do those
28:35
things, those need to be part of your life because God wants us
28:39
to have times of, of rest and enjoyment, right?
28:42
And those are okay, But but I would say, you know, you have to
28:46
reorient what you think that the center of yourself care, the
28:49
centerpiece of yourself care needs to be, you know, a healthy
28:53
diet of being in God's word every single day.
28:56
I talked about this in the book. You know, everybody's different.
28:59
Some people use the common lectionary.
29:01
Some people just open up the book and just start to read it.
29:04
Some people do 5 chapters one day, then 1 chapter the other.
29:07
It's like whatever gets you into God's word and understanding it
29:10
a little bit more, start doing that and make sure that you get
29:13
you start with prayer and time with the Lord in times of
29:16
worship. And I talked about this too,
29:19
about how you know it doesn't need to be immediately.
29:23
You're reading 5 chapters of Scripture every day and you're
29:25
praying for 30 minutes. Like start small, make sure you
29:28
can do these things because I've heard it said before, you know,
29:32
one, one verse of Scripture obeyed is better than 100
29:35
memorized but not obeyed, right? So I always tell people, start
29:39
small, make sure you're in the word, make sure you're in prayer
29:43
and make sure you're obeying and following with the Lord has to
29:45
say that you have a strong relationship with him.
29:48
And then after that you can start to think about bubble
29:50
baths and, and where those things all fit in, because those
29:53
are good. But you might find that that
29:56
what could have been cured by the bubble bath is actually
29:59
cured by understanding God's perspective and his love for you
30:03
and being able to rest in your relationship with Christ.
30:06
So if I if I were to disciple a new believer, particularly in
30:09
this area, that's where I would start.
30:11
Great advice, absolutely. SO yeah, what Bible verse or
30:16
verses help to keep you anchored and bring you back to where you
30:20
need to be? No, So it's one of the things
30:23
I've been challenged with recently.
30:25
Gina is just really keeping a focus on on what the gospel is.
30:30
You know that this is the the God of the universe is restoring
30:33
and redeeming broken humanity and creation through through the
30:39
work of Jesus Christ right? So for me, I've like this.
30:42
I need to be crystal clear like in my preaching and my teaching
30:45
and my discipleship. And when I get to represent
30:47
Christ. I keep the focus there.
30:49
So my anchor verse right now and it changes throughout my life,
30:53
right, but right now my anchor verse Acts 2024.
30:57
This is this is Paul talking says, however, I consider my
31:00
life worth nothing to me. My only aim is to finish the
31:04
race and complete the task. The Lord Jesus has given me the
31:08
task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.
31:13
That's so good. So I have loved our conversation
31:17
today. Ben, where can people find you?
31:20
Absolutely. So you can find me on
31:21
benespinoza.com as well as my Amazon author page as well.
31:27
Yeah, those are the 2 main places.
31:28
I'm a little bit on Instagram as well but that's mainly pictures
31:31
of my kids. You know, Instagram, it's the
31:35
pictures most of the time are fun.
31:37
It's just when it gets into like the news stories, then it gets
31:40
kind of crazy. And I've told so many people
31:44
that it wasn't for the ministry stuff that I do on Facebook.
31:47
I would cut Facebook. Yes, I'm there with you.
31:52
Yeah, if it wasn't, if it wasn't for doing this and reaching
31:56
people through social media, there's times I would take
32:00
Facebook and toss it right out the window.
32:02
I agree 100%. And that's a whole other podcast
32:05
episode we talked about that. I talk about this a little bit
32:08
in the book about social media. Like it, it reinforces your view
32:12
of the world. You know, like people would say
32:14
things on social media they wouldn't say to your face these
32:17
kinds of things. So it can be very, very harmful.
32:19
But like you say, it's almost like a necessary evil for
32:22
ministry in some ways. I just heard somebody when I
32:26
went to go get coffee the the morning of the recording, I
32:32
heard somebody. It was on the River Radio, which
32:35
is the radio station in Ohio here.
32:38
And he was talking to his kids about posting on social media
32:45
and responses and that. And one of the questions he
32:48
asked his kids, he said, would you be OK if your mother saw
32:53
this? Would you be OK if your
32:55
grandmother saw this and that's what he told his kids?
32:59
Are the thoughts that they need to think about before they post,
33:01
before they share, before they do any of that is would your
33:05
mother be OK and would your grandmother be OK with this?
33:09
That's good, that's good. Would Jesus be OK with it?
33:17
Absolutely, 100%. So again, Ben, I really enjoyed
33:21
our conversation today. You guys, it is out today, good
33:23
news about self-care. So let's go out.
33:26
Let's learn how to do self-care God's way.
33:30
So have a great day and thanks for tuning in.
33:33
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode, The Anchor by
33:36
The Sore. Podcast.
33:37
I pray that the story that you heard today will encourage your
33:40
faith, challenge your faith, and also help you as you walk in
33:44
your daily life. If this episode has done that,
33:47
please feel free to leave a five star rating and review wherever
33:51
you listen to this. Podcast so that others can.
33:54
Find it and grow as well. Have a blessed week and I'll
33:57
talk to you next episode.