Latest / The Kink Consultant / Ep 38 - Making Kink Music That Matters: Deore on Community, Consent, and Crowdfunding Tantrums

Transcript

Ep 38 - Making Kink Music That Matters: Deore on Community, Consent, and Crowdfunding Tantrums · The Kink Consultant

• 0:08
  It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
• 0:11
  on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
• 0:14
  So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
• 0:17
  to it. Hello and welcome to this week's
• 0:24
  episode of The King Consultant. I am once again joined by Deor,
• 0:29
  my favorite musical artist who puts out some of the most heart
• 0:34
  wrenchingly accurate music. Like she is in my soul, in my
• 0:39
  brain, just pulling out experiences and writing them
• 0:42
  into lyrics. I swear to God I am obsessed and
• 0:45
  fangirling over Deor. Deor, welcome back.
• 0:48
  Thank you for joining and agreeing to come back on the
• 0:50
  show. I'm so happy to be here.
• 0:52
  I've been looking forward to this like all week.
• 0:55
  I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's gonna be so great.
• 0:56
  So I'm, I'm just so thankful and happy to be here.
• 0:59
  Me too. The reason I asked you to come
• 1:01
  back on, I'm just like, I am extremely excited by your music.
• 1:05
  When I discovered it and really understood, like sat down and
• 1:09
  listened to the lyrics. I talked about this in the last
• 1:11
  episode. I could not believe how well you
• 1:13
  encapsulated the submissive, the bratty, the experience, right
• 1:17
  and just where our minds and bodies take us.
• 1:21
  And you pulled it out and wrote, put it down in a way that I
• 1:24
  could never do. Like I couldn't put these things
• 1:27
  into words until I had your songs to rely on.
• 1:30
  Oh my gosh, that is so encouraging to hear that what
• 1:34
  I'm making has like impacted you in that way.
• 1:37
  And I'm just like so thankful and excited to hear.
• 1:40
  That, well, greedily, I want more of it, so I love it.
• 1:44
  When I found out you were in the studio making an album, I wanted
• 1:49
  to know everything and I was like, I'm going to bring her
• 1:51
  back on the podcast. Oh my gosh, it's been crazy.
• 1:56
  It's been so crazy. It's been, I don't know, I feel
• 1:59
  like I can be a very impulsive person sometimes.
• 2:01
  And so like, I've had this like idea of turning the Brat EP into
• 2:06
  an album since, like it was, you know, created, right.
• 2:09
  So the Brat EP was always meant to like become this fully
• 2:13
  fledged album at some point. And then my best friend Charlie
• 2:17
  XCX made the Brat album and I was like, bitch, like, no, I
• 2:21
  love her. And it was like an odd apps too.
• 2:23
  So I was like, no, I can't do it.
• 2:25
  But it was always meant to be an album.
• 2:27
  Some career developments happened in the last couple
• 2:31
  months and I just really, really felt like now's the time you got
• 2:35
  to start now. And I'm just like looking around
• 2:37
  like, Oh my God, I'm not signed to a label.
• 2:40
  I quit my nursing job to do this.
• 2:43
  I'm not self funding my music in the same way as I was before.
• 2:47
  I just like feel like I jumped off the deep end into and just
• 2:51
  was like, my community will support me if this is meant to
• 2:54
  happen. And if this album is meant to be
• 2:56
  in the world, then it will come into the world like, and the
• 3:00
  people that are hungry for it will be on my team with me and
• 3:03
  we'll all do it together essentially.
• 3:05
  And so I'm really excited that it's been going as amazing as it
• 3:10
  has so far. But that trust fall, Oh my gosh,
• 3:13
  it's like, and it's an emotion I'm not really used to.
• 3:17
  And so it's like, it's been a learning curve of like tapping
• 3:20
  into that like safe, creative, high place while also having to
• 3:26
  like give up a lot of control because you're relying on an
• 3:30
  uncertain income to like make it happen.
• 3:33
  So it's just like, Oh my God. You have an amazing community
• 3:38
  that I am proud to be part of and on Discord.
• 3:41
  But yes, I want us to merge our communities.
• 3:45
  I need everybody to go find Deor on Indiegogo and search the word
• 3:50
  Tantrums to find the fundraising for her album because we need to
• 3:55
  get this album made. I've never been so sure of
• 3:58
  anything in my life. Your work needs to be out there.
• 4:00
  Hey, thank you so much. And I'm just so excited to like
• 4:04
  be a part of the King community and contribute to it in this
• 4:08
  way. I've been hungry personally for
• 4:11
  music like this for a long time and it just like makes me so
• 4:16
  fulfilled and happy to get to be the person that makes it because
• 4:20
  like, my relationship to music is very cathartic.
• 4:23
  And I listen to understand and I write to understand.
• 4:26
  And having the privilege of getting to give that to other
• 4:30
  people in the King community is just like something I don't take
• 4:33
  lightly and I love so, so, so much.
• 4:35
  But seriously, your music spoke to me like no other artist has
• 4:39
  ever spoken to me. So when you very first agreed to
• 4:42
  be on the podcast, I was super excited because I just felt so
• 4:47
  seen, you know? And I would encourage anybody
• 4:50
  who has not already listened to Deora's music to check it out
• 4:53
  out on Spotify. Like this needs to happen.
• 4:55
  I can only imagine what you're going through just.
• 4:58
  Vibrating. I'm literally vibrating.
• 5:01
  I feel so powerful and powerless at the same time.
• 5:04
  Like it's just this just swinging just constantly.
• 5:08
  And it's incredible because I feel like as a songwriter, like
• 5:12
  I write the best from a place of vulnerability.
• 5:15
  If I feel like emotionally my back is against the wall, like I
• 5:19
  can write really fast. Like I'll write a song really
• 5:21
  quickly. I feel like I'm channeling these
• 5:23
  emotions the way they need to be channeled, but it's also very
• 5:26
  uncomfortable and I feel like I'm being stretched at the same
• 5:28
  time. So I'm just like, I'm just like
• 5:31
  ow this hurts. But I think it's necessary.
• 5:34
  But it hurts. So what is the writing process
• 5:36
  been like? Like, how long have you been
• 5:39
  writing all of the music? The album, my.
• 5:41
  God, back in March, I'm like, OK, I'm making an album.
• 5:45
  I think it was like end of March, early April, I was like,
• 5:48
  the album's getting made. The planning starts now.
• 5:50
  Back in April, I was creating the crowdfund itself.
• 5:54
  It took an entire month to learn how to do it.
• 5:57
  I designed the shirts, one of them which I'm wearing right
• 5:59
  now, which is, you know, exclusively available on the
• 6:03
  Indiegogo Tantrums page. But it was like all the design,
• 6:07
  all the putting it together, making sure everything like
• 6:10
  matched up or whatever. So that was in April.
• 6:12
  And then in May I was like, I'm going to write 5 songs, 5-6
• 6:17
  songs and just go for it. And I haven't written a song
• 6:21
  like, properly since like, October.
• 6:22
  It was like, oh, I have these songs that I've, you know, sat
• 6:26
  with for a while and I know them all very well and like, these
• 6:29
  are all ideas I've been chewing on, blah, blah, blah.
• 6:31
  And now I'm going to make a fundraiser to record them.
• 6:34
  It was like, I'm making an album.
• 6:36
  I'm going to fund it. And now I got to make the album,
• 6:38
  like, actually album. And so, Oh my God, in May, I
• 6:42
  literally would wake up in the morning, I would roll over in
• 6:46
  bed, grab my guitar and just play guitar in bed for like 5
• 6:51
  hours for five hours a day. It was like the most writing and
• 6:55
  playing I've done in a very, very long time.
• 6:57
  And I would just sit in my bed. It was like true gremlin cave
• 7:01
  energy. My room is not a neat place to
• 7:04
  be, especially when I'm creating.
• 7:06
  So imagine like a giant clothes pile with a guitar, me in bed
• 7:12
  just trying to get stuff, you know, to flow through.
• 7:16
  Like I had like bedroom Cheerios that I would just like eat
• 7:19
  handfuls of Cheerios and my Dom Slash husband would like come to
• 7:23
  in bed and he's like, why are there Cheerios in bed?
• 7:25
  And I'm like I. Don't know I was.
• 7:27
  Like, I don't know. OK, time out.
• 7:30
  Your husband has Dom will say no getting in the way of the
• 7:34
  creative process slash not at all.
• 7:36
  Like he is very encouraging of it, but I just want to take a
• 7:39
  moment. I genuinely thought recently
• 7:42
  that he was getting in the way of the creative process.
• 7:44
  I didn't realize he was doing it in service of the creative
• 7:47
  process. We have a list of like protocol
• 7:52
  slash tasks that I do every day but like part of them is like
• 7:56
  you know, I bring him my collar to put on me every day and at
• 7:59
  the end of the day he takes it off of me and we go through my
• 8:03
  tasks. I bring him 3 drinks daily to
• 8:06
  make sure he's like hydrated just like service does.
• 8:09
  He work from home. He does like back and forth.
• 8:11
  So sometimes, sometimes he's not.
• 8:13
  So we we have this protocol that we have and I was missing tasks.
• 8:18
  And I do that, especially when I get really wrapped up in like
• 8:22
  music and work, like all that stuff.
• 8:24
  I'll just like Dada dumb. What the things I'm still.
• 8:26
  Yeah. And so he had said that like I
• 8:30
  did not get a perfect day. So he grades me.
• 8:32
  So I needed an A right, needed to get all my stuff done.
• 8:36
  And I didn't do that. And so he was like, you are not
• 8:40
  going to drink coffee for a week.
• 8:42
  Do you need to have a perfect day every day this week in order
• 8:46
  to get the coffee back at the end of the week?
• 8:48
  And so if I miss something, it starts, the clock starts over
• 8:52
  and I'm like Jesus Christ. So I hear this and I immediately
• 8:56
  think the album's never coming. If she can, if she can't drink
• 9:01
  coffee. And I really take this
• 9:03
  personally because I'm not your defender or anything now.
• 9:06
  You are. We've never even met in person.
• 9:08
  And I do this like without your permission.
• 9:10
  Well, I think I gave you a heads up.
• 9:11
  I said, hey, I'm about to do something here because I'm so
• 9:15
  upset that he has in my mind. That's it.
• 9:18
  It's like, and we're going to get to this day or so.
• 9:20
  I wrote a letter from the King Council.
• 9:23
  I think it was like the king counsel of something.
• 9:26
  It was truly iconic and like. This whole letter basically
• 9:29
  condemning, truly, I say formally condemned the excessive
• 9:33
  and frankly egregious use of force in deor's punishment, the
• 9:37
  week long coffee ban. And I go like into like this
• 9:40
  three paragraph e-mail and I post it on social media and you
• 9:45
  re share it. You also repost it.
• 9:47
  The true iconic thing was that your husband, your husband went
• 9:52
  into full mode and responded accordingly.
• 9:57
  Oh my gosh, literally it was so funny because like I have my
• 10:01
  discord community, whatever, and all I see is a screenshot of
• 10:04
  your story that he posted and all it says is do or what the
• 10:08
  fuck is this? That's how you like saw that it
• 10:12
  like happened. I was just like, I have legal
• 10:15
  representation now. It's a thing.
• 10:17
  Yeah, Yeah. He was working from home that
• 10:19
  day and he literally made this entire like background like
• 10:24
  formal letter paper or like the Office of discipline and
• 10:30
  Rewards. I think is what something the
• 10:32
  Department of discipline and rewards of DDR. That's what his
• 10:36
  yes, he, he wrote back. Deep.
• 10:40
  It was deep. And I mean, I posted that like I
• 10:43
  would update on Instagram regularly about my like, prison
• 10:46
  sentence essentially to be a brat because I just wanted to
• 10:49
  like. You were rallying people around
• 10:51
  me. Like I'm in jail.
• 10:53
  This is unjust. That's like a big part of how I
• 10:56
  brat is just by like obviously giving pushback, but in a like
• 11:01
  cheeky, like clever kind of way. And so that was like kind of
• 11:05
  pushing back. No, in a totally bratty way.
• 11:08
  Now I have a bone to pick. I think you should have been
• 11:10
  clearer that you were still allowed to have caffeine.
• 11:12
  That was new. OK, OK.
• 11:15
  All right. For me.
• 11:16
  You did that for me. So wait.
• 11:17
  So I got you caffeine back. You got me energy drinks, You
• 11:20
  got me energy drinks. I drink coffee pretty regularly,
• 11:24
  right? And I can't do it as much as
• 11:26
  anymore because it really like the acid reflux really messes
• 11:29
  with my voice. So I haven't had coffee in
• 11:32
  probably over a month at this point because I'm recording even
• 11:35
  this energy drink. I haven't had one of those in
• 11:37
  like 2 weeks. So I'm just like really have to
• 11:38
  be careful, but and I drink a lot of high caffeinated
• 11:42
  beverages and I go down to like a tea that is not cut it like my
• 11:47
  body just really doesn't like do well with that body.
• 11:51
  Does not handle the reduction in caffeine well because like a cup
• 11:55
  of tea is like what the fuck? Is this not that?
• 11:58
  It's really not that much and Hazdam is very receptive.
• 12:02
  Like I could have said it anytime.
• 12:03
  Like hey, this really isn't cutting it from, but it's more
• 12:07
  fun to have a legal battle on Instagram, so I did.
• 12:09
  That absolutely the king council, there was number king
• 12:12
  council before the time. Tell you, after you posted that,
• 12:16
  he went to the store and came back with three different energy
• 12:21
  drinks, Not one. We had options.
• 12:23
  We had an array of options to choose from and they lived in
• 12:27
  the fridge. And I was just living my
• 12:30
  caffeinated dream of yeah, it was great.
• 12:33
  Brats everywhere. You've heard it here from the
• 12:35
  Death of the King Consultant. Personally inspired and entire
• 12:40
  court case in my discord that day.
• 12:43
  There were judges. There was a jury like it was
• 12:47
  like a whole like one of our discord members like changed
• 12:51
  their name to like judge so and so and now it's so and so off
• 12:57
  duty judge like just I love it. Like it was like law and order
• 13:03
  SVU like up in here. Connect me to the judge.
• 13:05
  I feel we need connections. I'm like, I think we might have
• 13:08
  tagged you. Hey, if you're loving this
• 13:11
  episode, or honestly even just vibing with the podcast overall,
• 13:14
  go ahead and tap that five star rating.
• 13:16
  It takes 2 seconds and it really helps us grow this kinky little
• 13:20
  corner of the world. Because that's what we're
• 13:22
  building here, right? A space to feel seen, get
• 13:24
  curious, and explore, all from the privacy of our own
• 13:27
  headphones. And if something made you laugh,
• 13:29
  cringe, gasp, or pause to reflect, drop a comment.
• 13:33
  I want to know what stuck with you or shocked you.
• 13:36
  I love that little aside. Back to your process.
• 13:40
  Your creative process sounds, I think, like a lot of creatives
• 13:43
  you know, you just needed to be living and breathing at 24/7
• 13:47
  with your handfuls of Cheerios. It's like when I write songs, I
• 13:51
  write songs the entire day. It's not something I like pick
• 13:54
  up and put down. So I'll have my guitar, it will
• 13:57
  live in my head on a loop indefinitely, and I'll just be
• 14:01
  working it as I'm doing dishes. I'll be working it as I'm like,
• 14:04
  going about my day. Just like there's this piece of
• 14:06
  my brain that's just constantly like cycling song or whatever.
• 14:09
  I understand sort of OK, but I'm also like, how are you forcing
• 14:14
  yourself to pull this stuff out of thin air?
• 14:17
  So hard I would play on the guitar and if something felt
• 14:21
  right, I would just chase it. And the best way I can describe
• 14:24
  it is just you knock on this door and it doesn't open.
• 14:26
  You knock on this door and it doesn't open and then you knock
• 14:29
  on this one and it opens and you're like, oh OK.
• 14:32
  And then you walk in and then it just starts to like come.
• 14:35
  It also kind of feels like rock climbing how it's like you find
• 14:38
  a something to hold on to and as soon as you find that thing you
• 14:41
  can hold on to the rest just kind of comes, which is like
• 14:44
  very cool. So the Bratty P was a concept
• 14:47
  EP, which means that the Tantrums album is a concept
• 14:51
  album, so it all kind of feeds in together and the songs from
• 14:55
  the Brat EP are going to like flow into the songs that are the
• 14:59
  new ones or whatever it was cool about this writing process is.
• 15:02
  I didn't feel as much pressure to make the songs too
• 15:05
  drastically different from each other because they were supposed
• 15:09
  to fit snugly together in this album.
• 15:12
  So I'd find a door and write a song, but instead of like, all
• 15:16
  right, time to write a new song, I'm gonna go knock on all the
• 15:18
  doors again. I just, like, went deeper in the
• 15:20
  door and I was like, OK, now we're here.
• 15:22
  OK, now we're here. And like, just kind of wrote it
• 15:24
  that way. I was very relieved when it was
• 15:27
  done. I was so much pressure to just
• 15:30
  like, have these songs up here. I technically have to write one
• 15:33
  more. So I'm gonna write one more
• 15:35
  song. I don't know what it's gonna be
• 15:36
  yet, but like, I kind of have an idea.
• 15:38
  I want it to be very masochistic and fun and kind of, I don't
• 15:43
  know, I've learned in this process that I could have an
• 15:46
  idea for or how I want something to go, but the chances of it
• 15:49
  actually going that way is not like a sure thing.
• 15:52
  And so I'm just trying to like be open to what it'll actually
• 15:55
  be, I guess. Question about masochistic and
• 15:58
  fun. When you say that, do you mean
• 16:00
  emotionally masochistic or something more descriptively
• 16:04
  Physical Descriptively. Physical.
• 16:07
  So the album, if everything goes according to plan, I want it to
• 16:10
  come out in October. Like it'll be out October 2025.
• 16:14
  And so in my head, I'm like, oh, it would be so much fun to do
• 16:17
  this masochistic Halloweeny kind of vibe, getting like chased in
• 16:22
  the woods or some shit. Just something like, I always
• 16:25
  really enjoyed when people on social media would talk about
• 16:28
  taking their partners to Spirit Halloween to like, get masks.
• 16:31
  I would love to just really lean into that and just have it be
• 16:36
  kind of crazy. I'm just kind of like toying
• 16:39
  with different ideas of being unapologetically.
• 16:42
  Oh yeah, this guy's, I don't know how to describe it.
• 16:45
  Some like soccer vibes in there too.
• 16:47
  So that's a huge kink right now, the mask kink and book talk like
• 16:52
  the book world. And I need to explain, I was
• 16:55
  talking to my business manager about this recently, how
• 16:58
  difficult that is to actually make happen in real life because
• 17:01
  it's a massive role play, a stalker.
• 17:04
  It's hard to create. It seems like a lot like to go
• 17:07
  into it, like to organize it and stuff.
• 17:10
  But you can't even do it realistically.
• 17:12
  It's sort of like an abduction scene.
• 17:14
  Technically you can do it, but yeah, that's also a lot of work.
• 17:16
  Ultimately, it's like the mask kink is hard to do in real life.
• 17:19
  Anyway, your description this is going to turn a lot of people
• 17:22
  on. I'd be really fine.
• 17:23
  And so I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of
• 17:27
  that. It's hard for me to write when
• 17:29
  I'm like feeling stressed because that just doesn't feel
• 17:31
  like authentic. And so like, I want the this
• 17:33
  song to come from a very high place, like a very playful, like
• 17:36
  high place. And I'm just not feeling very
• 17:38
  high or playful right now. So I'm trying to give myself
• 17:41
  some like space to just be like, this is a cool concept.
• 17:44
  It could happen. I want to rhyme like grocery
• 17:47
  store in restraining order, like really bad.
• 17:49
  The hook is like, he wants to hurt me and it turns me on like
• 17:52
  just like right out the gate. And I just want it to sound very
• 17:56
  just, Oh my God, why are you saying this?
• 17:58
  Because I feel like I'm even on social media.
• 18:00
  There's a lot of explaining that has to happen around kink think
• 18:04
  because it's like this is kink, but they're safer isn't, but
• 18:06
  there's this, but there's that. There's that just to kind of
• 18:09
  like prep. You can't assume people know all
• 18:11
  that stuff, right? And it's because like a lot of
• 18:14
  people on Instagram are vanilla. And so when you have this
• 18:17
  jarring content, you kind of have to be like, but this is the
• 18:19
  world that exists in like just just so we can all be on the
• 18:22
  same page. And so with this song, I don't
• 18:24
  want to do any of that. I just want to be like I want
• 18:26
  this guy to crawl my window. When the album comes out, can I
• 18:29
  do explainers for each song? Yeah, yeah, I'll be like, and in
• 18:34
  this song, my whole thing right now lately is it's only kink if
• 18:38
  there's consent and negotiation. Like that's like the entry level
• 18:41
  because and then and then that's the foundation we're working
• 18:44
  from and then we'll go from there.
• 18:46
  Yeah. And I just get so tickled about
• 18:48
  like, obviously we know that. Like, we know that going into
• 18:51
  it, right? Not everybody does.
• 18:53
  And sometimes I just want to write music that is it for
• 18:56
  everybody. And I just want, I just want to
• 18:58
  write shit that sounds fucking crazy and weird and like the
• 19:02
  people who get it get it and the people that don't don't.
• 19:05
  And that's just like, it's like not for you.
• 19:07
  I think I do enough of the explaining in my other songs and
• 19:12
  my other like content, I guess, to where I could like afford to
• 19:15
  just really say something shocking.
• 19:19
  I guess this is my inner brat coming out.
• 19:21
  I'm just like, no, I want to piss you off, but like.
• 19:23
  Your audience is ready, and if not, I'll come in with an
• 19:28
  explainer. Video like this is a.
• 19:30
  Disclaimer my the brat lawyer disclaimer just like.
• 19:34
  This is not a thing in my mind. In this in this song is not
• 19:37
  representative of Dior as a brand, but it is.
• 19:40
  It's like, but it is a product of the times in which it's like.
• 19:45
  Oh my gosh, I love you're so honest.
• 19:47
  I'm. But well, since that song
• 19:49
  happens. But the other songs I'm so, so
• 19:52
  excited about. We're finishing up the
• 19:54
  production aspect of it and I'm tracking vocals on Tuesday and
• 19:59
  so. What does that mean to track
• 20:00
  vocals? It's like the recording, like
• 20:03
  OK, me singing. For the past two weeks we've
• 20:05
  just been doing instrumentation and stuff.
• 20:07
  Who? Plays the music that's being
• 20:09
  recorded. My producer, Jason Scavone, he
• 20:12
  primarily plays everything on the album.
• 20:15
  I'll play guitar. Sometimes we build the songs
• 20:18
  together. So he will be writing the
• 20:21
  instrumentation with me like there in the room.
• 20:24
  And we'll go back and forth and say like, oh, but what if it
• 20:27
  sounds like this? Or oh, but what if we put this
• 20:28
  over here instead? And so there's a lot of back and
• 20:31
  forth collaboration, but he's the one that executes it.
• 20:34
  There's a song that we're working on.
• 20:36
  I call it the Dummy Mommy song, but it's like more of a switchy
• 20:39
  song. And it's called Soft Boy.
• 20:41
  It's just, Oh my God, Jason is so amazing.
• 20:43
  He created this guitar part on it that sounds so like Tim
• 20:48
  Burtony and like, creepy, but yeah, a really sensual kind of
• 20:53
  way. And it's just like, it like,
• 20:55
  gives me chills. I'm just like, Oh my God.
• 20:57
  It like reminds me of being in a Speakeasy.
• 20:59
  Like for some reason. Like it's like really cool.
• 21:01
  The whole song is just like on your knee.
• 21:03
  So put pathetic for me. You say you want a snack but
• 21:05
  you're too afraid to eat. So it's a really fun song.
• 21:08
  I'm really excited. That is really fun.
• 21:10
  I cannot wait to listen. What are your challenges that
• 21:13
  you're facing right now? I mean, you mentioned it's hard
• 21:15
  to write when you're feeling a little stressed.
• 21:17
  Where's the stress coming from? How can we help?
• 21:20
  So the challenge is just like it takes so much trust to go into
• 21:25
  the studio and record this music and and book these dates with
• 21:30
  not knowing if I have the resources yet to actually do it.
• 21:35
  We booked all the dates, to be so frank, like I don't have the
• 21:39
  money to pay for them all because we did it ahead of time.
• 21:41
  You know, that tension and that stress of just being like having
• 21:46
  to rely on my community, which I love my community, like my
• 21:51
  community is fantastic and amazing and so supportive, but
• 21:54
  like your girl has trust issues, right?
• 21:56
  So. Yeah, it's.
• 21:57
  Just working and creating from a vulnerable spot.
• 22:00
  So while simultaneously needing to open up and accept that I
• 22:05
  need help from other people and I need to ask for help.
• 22:08
  That is something that I personally struggle with a lot
• 22:11
  is asking for help. So having a crowd fund and
• 22:15
  asking for help to make the album is like so challenging for
• 22:18
  me. I'm so overwhelmed with like
• 22:20
  gratitude of the turn out that it has been so far.
• 22:23
  But I guess, yeah, that challenge of being vulnerable
• 22:26
  and creative and creating from that high place while also
• 22:29
  trying not to have the doubt and the fear of the insured be of it
• 22:34
  all. The first day I got to the
• 22:36
  studio, day one of recording, I got out of the car and went to
• 22:39
  walk in and there was this big, long black snake like blocking
• 22:42
  the door, Slytherin across the doorway.
• 22:46
  And I like, screamed a little. And I was like, oh, my God,
• 22:48
  should I call Jason and like, get him to let me in through the
• 22:50
  side? And then I was just like, no,
• 22:52
  I'm just gonna scurry him. And so I like, open the door and
• 22:55
  just like, jumped in. And I feel like that just, like
• 22:58
  set the precedent of this entire process of just, that's really
• 23:01
  scary. But I'm just gonna go really
• 23:02
  fast and just stop and just do it anyway.
• 23:05
  And that's just like literally what it's been feeling like this
• 23:07
  entire time. That is quite poetic.
• 23:09
  It is exactly what's happening because I was like, when you
• 23:12
  started explaining what was stressing out, I was like, yes,
• 23:15
  you realized that your art was worth overcoming the fear of
• 23:18
  having to ask for help, which is huge.
• 23:21
  I feel that in my chest too, this whole like, Oh no, it's
• 23:24
  time to fundraise. Wasting a need.
• 23:27
  I know he's this before. I think it's worth saying again.
• 23:30
  Just if I could live my life in one giant CNC scene, I would and
• 23:34
  just like have just be forced to have everything I want without
• 23:37
  me like and just like, Oh no, don't give me this money like.
• 23:41
  Make. This album, Nah, I have to like,
• 23:44
  use my words and ask for it and I'm like fuck, like Oh my God,
• 23:48
  this is hard. I'm trying to even imagine, I've
• 23:50
  never even envisioned a CNC scene where I'm just forced to
• 23:52
  have everything I want. It's like an actual good
• 23:55
  pleasure Dom, but like because you'd get everything you want
• 23:59
  and it would be a painful experience for you to receive
• 24:01
  all the fundraising so. Because, you know, like, I love
• 24:05
  CNC and I think that I want it, right, but I'm not asking for it
• 24:11
  in the moment because I'm being forced to have it.
• 24:14
  Yeah. So like, I'm just like, man,
• 24:17
  this would be so much easier. This episode is coming out June
• 24:20
  25th, meaning we have 10 more days to raise enough funds so
• 24:25
  Dior can get into the studio and record and sort of like scurry
• 24:30
  past this snake that's basically trying to eat you of like you
• 24:33
  have a time crunch to get this and like, hey, it's.
• 24:36
  Been so so amazing because like the majority of people who have
• 24:41
  donated thus far, people I don't know like that I haven't met in
• 24:44
  real life yet, you know and so it just goes to show that our
• 24:48
  community is out there. There are people out there who
• 24:51
  are hungry for this kind of art, who are hungry for this kind of
• 24:54
  representation. It's just a matter of finding
• 24:57
  our people and bringing them together, like to make this
• 25:00
  happen, and I think that's possible.
• 25:03
  It's just a matter of finding them and finding more of our
• 25:05
  crew. It's about like pulling our
• 25:06
  community together, which is something that I always want to
• 25:09
  be able to do. The Brat EP has over 1,000,000
• 25:12
  listens. Yes, that's.
• 25:15
  Crazy. And I mean while 200,000 of
• 25:17
  those might just be my listens alone, that's still a large
• 25:21
  swath of other people listening to the Brat EP.
• 25:24
  I listened to every song on repeat.
• 25:26
  So like my Spotify on repeat list, when you would drop a new
• 25:29
  song within a couple of days it was the number one song on my
• 25:32
  unrepeat list. I love hearing that you're
• 25:35
  enjoying it and just. Like, Oh my God, beyond enjoying
• 25:37
  it, breathing it, living it, it speaks to me so much.
• 25:41
  And if it's speaking to me, that has to be the experience
• 25:44
  everyone else is having too. I made a video once and you
• 25:46
  commented, this is what I do. And I was like, oh, I don't even
• 25:49
  remember what the video is. But I'm also realizing for new
• 25:52
  listeners, you are not just writing this music, you're
• 25:54
  living it for real too because we've talked about your husband.
• 25:59
  I think this is a really inspiring story that is worth
• 26:01
  telling. Again.
• 26:02
  When you met him, he wasn't a Dom.
• 26:05
  He wasn't even openly kinky. I'm not sure if he was kinky at
• 26:08
  all, but you kind of taught him. We went to the store the other
• 26:10
  day and literally there's this like vanilla Neapolitan ice
• 26:14
  cream that we saw and he was like, oh, my culture like, like
• 26:18
  looking at it not like in the very beginning, like he was not
• 26:22
  kinky. Like he wasn't, he didn't really
• 26:25
  show signs like or anything. You know, I brought it up and
• 26:28
  asked for it, explained what it was that I wanted.
• 26:31
  And I think there's this like hyper focus of people wanting to
• 26:34
  find these batteries included doms, yes, just these like ready
• 26:38
  made doms ready to go. The focus should just be on
• 26:41
  finding a good person because like a good person who's right
• 26:45
  for you. If you guys are compatible and
• 26:48
  vibe and you trust them and they want to care for you and the way
• 26:52
  that like you need to be cared for it, you'll be open to it and
• 26:55
  you can like go through it together and just like explain
• 26:58
  it together you. Know this could be a debate team
• 27:01
  topic. I agree with you completely.
• 27:03
  The piece it's most important there is care for you the way
• 27:06
  you need to be cared for. Yeah, I think that was like what
• 27:08
  you said, because they need to be able to do that to lean in
• 27:11
  and you need to pick someone who does that specifically.
• 27:14
  Yeah, and that's not for everybody, though.
• 27:16
  Like that. Not everybody is going to be
• 27:17
  able to do that. That's not a bad thing.
• 27:19
  That just means there's a compatibility issue.
• 27:21
  And if it's like that happens in vanilla relationships all the
• 27:25
  time, like it's not just with kink.
• 27:26
  There's vanilla ways that you might need to be cared for that
• 27:29
  someone can't deliver to you. And it's just not a compatible
• 27:32
  situation. And like, I think that's just
• 27:34
  like part of it, you know? That's very true.
• 27:36
  So do you have a song that could help guide people through this
• 27:42
  part of it, like the teaching someone?
• 27:44
  If not, I think that needs to be on your future list.
• 27:47
  So surprisingly like brat humor me was that for me that was just
• 27:53
  very blunt and to the point because I felt myself starting
• 27:57
  to over explain and justify when voicing what it was that I
• 28:01
  wanted. And so when I remember that
• 28:03
  space I was when I wrote that song was like, if I'm just as
• 28:06
  frank and blunt as possible and don't care about how crazy it
• 28:09
  sounds, like maybe I'll feel more understood, I guess.
• 28:14
  It's my favorite song of yours because as I listen to every
• 28:19
  lyric that made it onto my on repeat list in less than 24
• 28:22
  hours, that's how many times I listen to it.
• 28:23
  That's that's a fucked up amount of listening to that.
• 28:26
  It was on repeat for 8 hours straight and I am not
• 28:29
  exaggerating A. Story I hear a lot from my
• 28:32
  listeners, which I think is so special.
• 28:34
  It's so amazing is that the music has motivated them or
• 28:38
  inspired them to bring up DS to their partners for the first
• 28:41
  time. I think that's extremely
• 28:43
  special. I know how vulnerable it feels
• 28:45
  to voice a desire for a kink relationship with someone that
• 28:49
  you aren't sure if they're going to be receptive or not.
• 28:53
  I think a subconscious way we start to test the waters is by
• 28:57
  exposing that person to media to see how they react, whether it's
• 29:01
  sending a meme or joking, calling them Sir or daddy or
• 29:05
  like you start kind of putting feelers out.
• 29:08
  At least that's what I've observed to just be like, Oh my
• 29:10
  God, like what do they, how they respond to this?
• 29:13
  Like wonder what this is going to be like.
• 29:15
  I've heard stories of people like playing my music in the car
• 29:17
  or like being in a group setting with them and just having it on
• 29:21
  and just seeing what the response is.
• 29:24
  And sometimes it starts a conversation and sometimes
• 29:27
  doesn't or whatever. So I really enjoy the research
• 29:31
  elephant that people use it for. A huge fan of having an open
• 29:35
  conversation but even I know that we rarely, myself included,
• 29:40
  can say the hard things of like here let me open my help up and
• 29:44
  be super vulnerable and just tell you exactly how I feel.
• 29:48
  There needs to be an open conversation.
• 29:50
  Like you have to be able to clearly say exactly what it is
• 29:53
  that you need and want. But I do understand that going
• 29:58
  to that being, arriving at that point can be challenging when
• 30:02
  you're just like raw dog in it. You're like, I'm waking up today
• 30:05
  and today I'm gonna tell my person that I want them to beat
• 30:08
  me up. You'd like to ramp up to that?
• 30:11
  It's like you're like, OK, Like, I wonder what they're gonna
• 30:13
  think of this movie. I want to see baby girls mean
• 30:15
  theaters. Like, like, you know, you're
• 30:16
  just like, what's going on? Like, I feel like people use art
• 30:20
  and media to express their own solves and when they don't have
• 30:24
  the words, but also just to, like, see what the reaction is,
• 30:27
  see, like, what the conversation is going to be like.
• 30:30
  It's like a starter to the conversation, you know?
• 30:32
  Yeah. Absolutely.
• 30:33
  Did you see baby Girl? I actually watched it all with
• 30:36
  my discord. Maybe we watched it all
• 30:38
  together. It was really funny.
• 30:40
  It was really fun to just comment on it and watch it that.
• 30:44
  Might be the only person who liked it I.
• 30:46
  Don't think it was bad. I thought it was fine.
• 30:48
  There's a lot of discourse about it, but I was like, as a movie,
• 30:52
  I think it was like diet kink. It was, but to other people it
• 30:56
  was the kinkiest thing they'd ever.
• 30:58
  Seen. Yeah.
• 30:58
  We refer to it as 50 Shades of Father Figure by George Michael.
• 31:03
  That's actually a really good way to put this.
• 31:05
  This is perfect. I still need to make a video on
• 31:08
  my thoughts on it. I mean, the movie's been out for
• 31:10
  six months, but like, I have so many thoughts.
• 31:13
  I'm just gonna. I'll hold it for video.
• 31:15
  I really appreciated the Nicole Kidman's portrayal of, like, the
• 31:19
  shame aspect of it. I loved that.
• 31:22
  I thought that was fantastic. And I think when people think of
• 31:26
  Kink Movie, they expect a very jarring, intense kind of
• 31:31
  experience. But I think the movie was a
• 31:33
  little more nuanced than we thought it would be.
• 31:37
  And if you like watch it and you're like, yeah, she's telling
• 31:40
  her husband what she wants from under a blanket or like she's
• 31:43
  this headstrong CEO that secretly wants to give up that
• 31:47
  power or whatever. I think there's a lot of like,
• 31:49
  nuance to it that kind of gets missed, but I.
• 31:51
  Agree. What really fucking frustrates
• 31:53
  me though is everyone acting like, oh, there's no way Antonio
• 31:56
  Banderas would say whatever her husband's character's name is
• 31:59
  would say no to this. And I'm like, no, that is
• 32:01
  exactly what happens. Those are my clients.
• 32:04
  We're like the husband and wife come in and the desires are
• 32:07
  mismatched and I need to help one come to the other.
• 32:10
  I was like when I watched that, I was like, Oh my God, these
• 32:12
  people need me. What you do is so important.
• 32:16
  Literally what I do is help couples like that and the fact
• 32:19
  that so many people disqualified that that's a real lived
• 32:22
  experience by so many couples really bothered me.
• 32:25
  I see it on a weekly basis. I will get a new couple in and
• 32:28
  that is exactly what's happening.
• 32:29
  And one person feels a lot of shame and then it and.
• 32:32
  Then they. Have these erratic or static
• 32:35
  moments in their lives where they're just like, sometimes
• 32:38
  they'll pop off, have this surge of it needs to happen and then
• 32:41
  they're able to bury it again. And then a surge like that was
• 32:43
  what we we were watching in real time too.
• 32:45
  I need to make a video about this cuz I'm very passionate.
• 32:48
  I would love to watch that video, like when you release it,
• 32:51
  I'll be like the first person to watch it cuz I want you to keep
• 32:54
  talking about this cuz I'm like, what else do you think?
• 32:57
  Cuz like all of this is so true. And I think like there's a lot
• 33:01
  of guilt that comes especially from our doms of just feelings
• 33:05
  of guilt and like shame around am IA bad person for like
• 33:09
  wanting to like do this forever. You're so right.
• 33:12
  Yeah, and it makes me so sad because I think that hurdle,
• 33:16
  it's not talked about enough. Like, yeah, he should want this.
• 33:18
  And it's like, not everybody wants to feel like a monster
• 33:21
  again. I'm not saying that if you're
• 33:23
  say this, you're a monster at all.
• 33:24
  If your first exposure to testing out kink is to act in a
• 33:27
  way that you've been taught is not the way to act, it can feel
• 33:31
  very scary. I do work with a lot of men who
• 33:34
  are dominant and they just want to let that part of themselves
• 33:37
  out and they have a lot of shame because they've spent their
• 33:38
  whole life being told men are bad and your urges are wrong,
• 33:43
  which is understandable. If it's not consensual, of
• 33:45
  course that that's wrong. But consensually there is a
• 33:47
  place for it. And I just always try and push.
• 33:49
  I always just try and say you are somebody's solution.
• 33:52
  Not everything I call this like grand truths or whatever.
• 33:57
  I refer to that one songwriting a lot because there's always
• 34:00
  this pressure to say something so deep and profound and have it
• 34:03
  be this weighted revelation. But not everything has to be
• 34:08
  that way. And sometimes you can just be a
• 34:10
  status because it's fun. Yeah, it doesn't have to be this
• 34:13
  like grand statement about who you are as a person or like all
• 34:16
  this weight that we put on it. It doesn't have to be that way.
• 34:20
  And it's OK if it's not like you have permission to enjoy
• 34:24
  yourself in this way just because you enjoy yourself if
• 34:27
  it's consensual. 100% we need to go listen to our original
• 34:30
  episode because I'm pretty sure it ended very similarly.
• 34:32
  Like on this point of like, you are free to be who you want as
• 34:35
  long as. There's yeah.
• 34:37
  Event and negotiation. All right, so the album is going
• 34:40
  to be called Tantrums and I want to encourage everybody to go to
• 34:44
  Indiegogo and search Tantrums. Deor's album is the first one to
• 34:47
  come up, but you can also go to Deor BBY on Instagram and find
• 34:54
  her links in bio. With all of this information, we
• 34:58
  need to as a community have this album made.
• 35:01
  If you have not listened to any of her music, please go listen
• 35:04
  now, especially to the song Brat.
• 35:06
  This is a theme that I've found with, like, helpers, like people
• 35:10
  in the world who help other people.
• 35:12
  And that's their gift. And that's, like, what they do
• 35:14
  purpose in life. Yeah.
• 35:16
  To, like, help people. Is that, like, your greatest
• 35:19
  power? This sounds so cliche, but your
• 35:21
  greatest power comes from your greatest weakness and
• 35:24
  insecurity. And so the solutions that you
• 35:26
  bring to other people is often gonna be the problem that you're
• 35:30
  facing yourself. I've noticed that with my own
• 35:32
  music because I want to connect people.
• 35:34
  And I write because I yearn for this, for feeling like I belong
• 35:38
  somewhere and like all this stuff.
• 35:39
  I feel so chronically alone all the time.
• 35:42
  That's just like my emotional experiences.
• 35:44
  I feel very disconnected and isolated just in my brain.
• 35:48
  That's just like the world in which I live.
• 35:50
  But like the solution and the drive and the motivation that
• 35:53
  you have to bring your gift, like share your gift with other
• 35:56
  people. Unfortunately, a lot of the time
• 35:59
  it comes from the problem that you're so acquainted with the
• 36:03
  problem because you've lived the problem.
• 36:05
  That doesn't mean that this is where you're going to live
• 36:07
  forever. It feels powerless and like
• 36:09
  passive to do that. But it's just like sometimes you
• 36:12
  receive what you when you open your hands.
• 36:15
  And when you open your hands, you're letting go of control
• 36:17
  too, because you're not holding on so tightly that balance of
• 36:21
  like. I want other people to have the
• 36:23
  experience I had go listen to Brat Humor Me, and I genuinely
• 36:27
  feel like that's all anybody needs to listen to.
• 36:29
  And then they're of course going to support because more music
• 36:31
  like that is what our community needs.
• 36:34
  We need all forms of art that really represent our lived
• 36:37
  experience. Music, the content we create,
• 36:40
  movies like Baby Girl, all forms of art that are kink inclusive
• 36:45
  or representative. I think more of that can only
• 36:48
  help, you know, especially the positive stuff you put out.
• 36:50
  I agree and I think like having art and media that comes from
• 36:55
  different angles even because just being like a kinky person
• 36:59
  living in this dynamic is such a diverse multi faceted experience
• 37:05
  full of nuance and subtleties. It's not all whips and change.
• 37:09
  It's such a mental game as well. And I think media in general,
• 37:14
  like it's easier to put out something that gets a strong
• 37:18
  emotional response and you know, people are responsive to things
• 37:22
  that are very large and just graphic and plain.
• 37:26
  With the way social media is set up, there's a missed opportunity
• 37:30
  for more people to talk about the more nuanced, subtle aspects
• 37:33
  of that kind of fly under the radar feeling.
• 37:37
  Why? Why do we want subspace?
• 37:39
  Why do I crave control? You know, how come me as this
• 37:43
  like hyper independent person who can't ask for help, want to
• 37:47
  be put in situations where I'm helpless and have that control
• 37:50
  taken away from me. I love talking about all those
• 37:53
  kinds of things, the hyper independent burnout and like all
• 37:56
  those themes. And I think that, like, if that
• 37:58
  conversation happens more, more people will feel seen and like,
• 38:02
  understood and not not feel as like, get a more 3D picture of
• 38:07
  yeah, what? Geeky experiences you just made
• 38:10
  like point after point after point that I was trying to hold
• 38:13
  on to to address. But yes, the first step in that
• 38:16
  is naming your wants and desires before you can even explore.
• 38:19
  Why are those my wants and desires?
• 38:20
  And I think your music is so helpful in putting words to the
• 38:24
  wants and desires in the 1st place.
• 38:26
  It's a stable stepping stone for people moving in the right
• 38:31
  direction to explore their own needs and desires.
• 38:33
  And explain them to their partner.
• 38:35
  I think it's really empowering to normalize.
• 38:39
  I think yes. Oh.
• 38:40
  My gosh. Normalize.
• 38:42
  Is so powerful because it's like the antidote of shame.
• 38:47
  Normalize the experience and to speak on it and be like, oh,
• 38:50
  this is something that happens. I've thought about it so much.
• 38:53
  I could probably tell you why I feel this way.
• 38:55
  I think hearing an experience of someone else's that kind of
• 38:59
  matches with yours is extremely powerful and healing.
• 39:02
  And that's like a big motivator for me to make kink music is
• 39:05
  like, you know, on the surface level, I want to make kink music
• 39:08
  because it's fun and we all deserve this kind of media.
• 39:10
  But I also want people to just like feel they can be their most
• 39:14
  authentic selves without any shame.
• 39:15
  They can understand themselves better and they can have their
• 39:18
  partner understand themselves better too.
• 39:20
  Like just by giving words to something.
• 39:23
  I love fostering connections in that way a lot.
• 39:25
  Yeah, the gift you are giving the world is kink music.
• 39:29
  We have 10 Days community to get it together and raise money to
• 39:34
  have this album made and this is a passion of mine because I care
• 39:38
  so much about your music day or I really I'm excited for this
• 39:41
  album. October is my birthday month so
• 39:43
  it would be quite a purpose. Oh my God.
• 39:46
  Oh my God. Yeah.
• 39:47
  So like the crowdfund piece for 12 days at the studio that I
• 39:52
  workout of with my producer Jason Scavone, we're remastering
• 39:56
  the entire bratty P and the album together to make it all
• 40:00
  sound really clean and just good with Ryan Smith.
• 40:04
  Out of Sterling Sound in Nashville, he's like a five time
• 40:06
  Grammy nominated mastering engineer.
• 40:08
  He's mastered like The Black Keys of stuff.
• 40:11
  Crowdfund also pays for promotional photography and
• 40:14
  album cover photography in like the necessary props that are
• 40:18
  going to go into that. And we're still staying in the
• 40:20
  Y2K glitter hyper femme realm. We have 10 days.
• 40:24
  I am really excited and I mean there's just so much there.
• 40:28
  I'd encourage everyone to at least even just go check out the
• 40:31
  Indiegogo page and Dior's Instagram.
• 40:34
  Yes. Get you some merch.
• 40:36
  I'm doing like homemade friendship bracelets.
• 40:38
  These shirts actually are part of the merch bundle, like lyric
• 40:43
  artwork. There's like tons of this is the
• 40:45
  first time I'm released merch as well.
• 40:47
  If anybody wants deor merch, that is the place to get it.
• 40:50
  So head over and check it out and let's make kinky music.
• 40:54
  OK Dior, I am so excited for this album to come out in my
• 40:57
  birthday month. Thank you for joining me and
• 40:59
  good luck with everything. Seriously, this October, it's
• 41:02
  going to be the highlight of my year for many reasons.
• 41:04
  Thank you so much for having me. I just, I love coming on here
• 41:08
  and just chatting it up with you.
• 41:09
  Like this has been so so fun and just like thank you so much.
• 41:13
  We'll keep an eye on your tour schedule and where you'll be and
• 41:16
  all of the great things you have coming.
• 41:20
  If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
• 41:23
  a review and share it with anyone who might find it
• 41:25
  interesting. And if you have any questions or
• 41:27
  topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
• 41:30
  reach out. E-mail
• 41:31
  info@thekingconsultant.com. Until next time, keep on kinking
• 41:36
  on.