Latest / Thinking Out Loud | Kimberly / What Does Power Actually Reveal About People? | Thinking Out
Transcript
- Thinking Out Loud - Podcast: Hello. Okay. work three, two, one. Growing up, I felt powerless. I was going through the motions. was navigating chaos. was navigating chaos, navigating constant shifting goalposts, managing emotional explosion, being confused by push pull behavior. thought it was normal. Sometimes I would mirror those behaviors back to the people in power and they didn't like it. To me, I was communicating in their language. Imagine my confusion. Imagine my confusion when I was told it's not okay for you to do that, Kimberly. Somehow though, it was okay for them to do it to me. Looking back now, I see it clearly. wasn't just, I wasn't in a difficult environment. I was being exploited into a power dynamic. When you try to stand on equal footing with someone, who benefits from being above you, they will often do whatever they can to keep you beneath them. I also had to turn inward and ask a harder question though. What did power exploit in me? All right, so now we're gonna go back to the beginning. This is the hook. This is hook round two. Growing up, I felt powerless. Like I was going through the motions, navigating chaos, shifting gold post, managing emotional explosions, confused by push-pull behavior. I thought it was normal. I would sometimes mirror these behaviors back to people in power, but they didn't like that. To me, I was communicating in their language. Imagine my confusion when I was told it's not okay for you to do that, Kimberly. Imagine me feeling, imagine, imagine my confusion when I was told it's not okay for you to do that, Kimberly. But somehow, yet somehow it was okay for them to do that to me. Looking back now, I can see it clearly. I wasn't in a difficult environment. I was being exploited within a power dynamic. When you try to stay on equal footing with someone who benefits from being above you, they will often do whatever they can to keep you beneath them. However, I also had to turn inward and ask a harder question. What did power exploit in me? All right. Hook round three. Growing up. I felt powerless. I was going through the motions. was navigating chaos, constant shift, go constant, constantly shifting goalpost managing an emotional explosion, managing emotional explosions, being confused by push pull behavior. I thought it was normal. Sometimes I would mirror those behaviors back to the people in power. However, they didn't like that. To me, I was communicating in their language. Imagine my confusion though, when I was told it's not okay for you to do that, Kimberly. Yet somehow it's okay for them to do that to me. Looking back now, I can see it clearly. I wasn't in a difficult environment. I was being exploited within a power dynamic. When you try to under three, two, one, when you try to stand on equal footing with someone who benefits from being above you, they will often do whatever they can to keep you beneath them. I also though had to turn inward and ask a harder question. What did power exploit in me? All right. Now moving forward to section one. Hi, it's me, Kimberly. Power has become a major focus for me lately. I feel I'm finally understanding what people have been trying to say when it comes to family systems, racism, war, and religious freedom for a long time. I believed in following the rules until I realized. Sometimes the rules don't apply to people in power, at least not in the way we're told they should. And then something clicked. Why is shame so often used against people who are simply, why are shame, three, two, one. Why is shame so often used against people who are simply asking to be treated as equals for fairness, for consistency, for the rules to just matter? Which brings me back to the question for today. Is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? Three, two, one. Is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? Power doesn't create something out of nothing. It also doesn't leave people unchanged. think people assume it's, believe I three, two, one. I think people assume power is the capacity to do harm. We see extremes explained online, children harming parents, people shouting death to America, religious groups being mocked, racist comments going in every direction. What raises a deeper question for me is who actually has power? I think of a spider. If a spider bites you, yes, it can harm, three, two, one. If a spider bites you, yes, it can be harmful, even deadly. Most of the time you can crush a spider and move on with your day. You can overpower it. That only three, two, one, but the only real advantage to spider has is the surprise. It doesn't have three, two, one. doesn't have sustained power over you. And yet mentally, if you're afraid of spiders, they take up space in your mind far beyond their actual power. Now flip that to the spider. You are always on the mind. and it is completely at your mercy. Power can feel disoriented like that. People can have power and still feel powerless, especially when they're being challenged, especially when they're not leading well. All right, end of part. End of section one. section one recording part recording two hi it's me kimberly ⁓ we forgot that we forgot the most important part Rawr, rawr, rawr. Okay, yeah, so section two recording tool will not work because we did not do our disclaimer. All right. Ready? Go. Hi, it's me. Kimberly power become three, two, one power has become a major focus for me lately. I feel I'm, I feel I'm finally understanding what people are trying to say when it comes to family systems, racism, war, and religious freedom for a long time. I believed in following the rules until I realized sometimes the rules don't apply to people in power power. Three, two, one until I realized sometimes the rules. don't apply to the people in power, at least not in the way we're told they should. And then something clicked. Why is shame so often used against people who are simply asking to be treated as equals for fairness, for consistency, for the rules to matter? Which brings me back to today's question. Is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? But before we go any further, quick note. This podcast is for reflection and conversation, not professional advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't and listen in a way that feels supportive for you. Power doesn't create something out of nothing, but it also doesn't leave people unchanged. think power three, two, one. I think people assume power is just the capacity to do harm. We see extreme examples online, children harming parents, people shouting death to America. Religious group, three, two, one, religious groups being mocked, racist comments going in every direction. And that raises a deeper question. Who actually has the power? I think of a spider. If a spider bites you, yes, it can be harmful, even deadly. Most of the time you can crush a spider and move on with your day. You can overpower it. The only real advantage the pride three, two, one, the only real advantage the spider has is the surprise. It doesn't have sustained power over you. And yet mentally, if you're afraid of spiders, that takes up space in your mind far beyond their actual power. Now flip that to the spider. You are always on three, two, one. You are always the one with power. Three, two, one to the spider. You are always the one with power. Three, two, one with to the spider. You are always the one with the power and it is completely at your mercy. Power can feel disoriented like that. People can three, two, one. People can have power and still feel powerless, especially when being challenged, especially when they're not leading well. End of section one, last recording for section two. This is section two's third recording. Hi, it's me, Kimberly. Power has become three, two, one. Power has become a major focus for me lately. I finally, three, two, one, I feel I'm finally understanding what people are trying to say when it comes to family systems, racism, war, and religious freedom. For a long time, I believed in following the rules until I realized sometimes the rules don't apply to the people in power, at least not in the way we're told they should. And then something clicked. Why is shame so often used against people? who are simply asking to be treated as equals for fairness, for consistency, for the rules to matter. Which brings me to today's question. Three, two, one. Which brings me to today's question. Is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? Before we go any further, quick note. This podcast is for reflection and conversation, not professional advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and listen in a way that feels supportive for you. Power doesn't create something out of nothing, but it also doesn't leave people unchanged. I think people assume power is the capacity to do harm. We see extreme examples online, children harming parents, people shouting death to America, religious groups being mocked, racist comments going in every direction. And it raises a deeper question. Who actually has power? This makes me think of a spider. If a spider bites you, yes, it can be harmful, even deadly. Most of the time, you can crush a spider and move on with your day. You have three, two, one. You can overpower it. And the only real advantage, three, two, one, and the only real advantage the spider has is the surprise. It doesn't have sustained power over you. And yet mentally, if you're afraid of a spider, they take up space in your mind far beyond their actual power. Now flip that to the spider. You are always the one in power. They literally, they literally, they literally will move around your home. in a way of your predictable behavior. And the only time you'll see the spider is when you're not doing your normal routine. So to the spider. You are always the one with power and it is completely at your mercy and people can feel disoriented like that. People who have power can feel powerless, especially when they're being challenged, especially people who have power can feel powerless, especially when they're being challenged and when they're not leading well. Now we're going to section two. This is the first recording. Becoming a, three, two, one. Becoming a parent humbled me in many ways. In ways I really wasn't prepared for. My kids exposed parts of me that I hadn't healed yet. They showed me where my capacity actually ends. And it would have been easy to say my child is difficult. They're too much. That wouldn't have been honest. The truth was I was overwhelmed. I needed more support. I needed more support. I couldn't do it alone. My children. They aren't my hard time. My children, my child, three, two, one. My child isn't the hard time. Rather, my children aren't my hard time. Rather, they're having a hard time. And that's, and there's a difference. When I'm not showing up as a good leader, my kids expose it because I can't hide from them. I can't pretend they know. and it's uncomfortable. It's easier to blame the tag three, two, one. It's easier to blame the trigger than ask who broke the egg? And it wasn't my children. Then I have to ask myself, do I really want them walking on eggshells around me? ⁓ my God. Okay, well, we're gonna... We're going to re-record this one, but I don't know if I can. We're going to do it two times. Section two, recording two. Becoming a parent humbled me in ways I wasn't prepared for. My child exposed parts that hadn't healed yet. They showed me where my capacity actually end and it would have been easy to say my child is difficult. They're too much. That wouldn't have been honest though. The truth was I was overwhelmed. I needed support. I couldn't do it alone. My children, my child isn't my hard time. She is having a hard time. And there's a difference. When I'm not showing up as a good leader, my kids expose it. I can't hide from them. I can't pretend. They know. And it's uncomfortable. It is easier to blame the trigger than ask who broke the egg. And I know for sure it wasn't my children. Then I have to ask the question, do I really want them walking on eggshells around me? Section three. This will be the first recording. Growing up, I felt blamed for everything. I learned to manage adult emotions, to perform, be good kid, to be a three, two, one, to be the good kid, to be helpful. And I thought if I could manage the adults in my life, I would finally feel safe. When I reflect back what I was experiencing, I was shut down, yelled at, isolated. yelled at, isolated, told to stop acting like a parent. But who was parenting me? I was called lazy when I was trying to learn yelled at when I didn't get things right the first time. So I shut down and they didn't like that either. And then three, two, one, then they had to face something uncomfortable. I looked like the victim. Three, two, one. I looked like a victim because I was one. I was a child. powerless child who wanted to connect three two one who wanted connection and I also three two one and I was And and was often on three to one a powerless child Who wanted connection and was often isolated for being too much? All right end of section three going on back up Growing up I felt blame for everything I learned to manage adult emotions to perform, to be a good kid, to be helpful. And I thought if I could have managed the adults in my life, I would finally feel safe. When I reflect back what I was experiencing, I was shut down. Yelled at. Isolated, told to stop acting like a parent. But who was parenting me? I was called lazy when I was trying to learn. Yelled at when I didn't get things right the first time. So I shut down. And they didn't like that either. Then I had to face something uncomfortable. I looked like the victim because I was one. I was a child, a powerless child who wanted connection and instead was often isolated for being too much. Section four, first recording. It was hard for me to see that because it's easier to believe I'm a burden. I must be lazy. I must be a bad kid. I can't do anything right. I must deserve this. Of course I believe that because the alternative was realizing I wasn't safe. Physically, most of my needs are met, but emotionally I felt neglected mentally. I was hurt and because others were three to one because others had experienced it worse. My pain was minimized. I was labeled as dramatic, a whiny kid. In reality, I was exposing something and that exposure is uncomfortable. end of section four back to section four. This is the second recording. It was hard for me to see that because it was easier to believe I'm the burden. I must be lazy. I must be a bad kid. I can't do anything right. I must deserve this. Of course I believe that because the alternative was realizing I wasn't wasn't ⁓ Physically most of my needs are met. Emotionally I felt neglected. Mentally I was often ⁓ And because others had experienced it worse, my pain was minimized. I was labeled as dramatic, a whiny kid. When in reality, I was exposing something and that exposure is uncomfortable. Section five, first recording. When people are in power, it is often easier to normalize harmful behavior than confront it. It's just how kids are these days. Women are too emotional. Why can't people just get over the past? Why do they need to have special treatment? Those statements don't come from nowhere. They come from power being challenged. Let's talk about parent-children dynamics. Outside extreme cases, do children actually pose a threat to their parents? Three, two, one. Outside of extreme cases, Outside of extreme cases, do children actually pose a threat to their parents? Or is it just the other way around? outside of extreme key. Why don't you go to the couch Ophelia? Yes. Up up. Seems like you're uncomfortable. Go. like you need to go on the couch. Up, up. Let's talk about parent children dynamics outside of extreme cases. Do children actually pose a real threat to their parents or is it the other way around or is it the other way around? Parents can lock a child three to one. Parents can lock a child in a room, yell, corner them, physically overpower them, control their environment. Even into adulthood, that dynamic can linger. What I've noticed is this. There is often a lack of self reflection with the three, two, one. There is often a lack of self reflection from those in power. It makes sense because the dynamic is never naturally equal. It only becomes more balanced when parents intentionally respect their children's autonomy. I've seen both sides. I've seen incredible parents who take accountability, who repair and who grow. And I've seen parents who deflect, who blame and never look inward. And the difference is everything. Okay, that was the end of section five, I believe. We are now moving on to section six, or no, second recording of section five. When people are in power, it's often easier to normalize harmful behavior than confront it. It's just how kids are these days. Women are so emotional. Women are so emotional. Why can't people just get over the past? Why do they need special treatment? Those statements don't come from nowhere. They come from power being challenged. Let's talk about the parent-children dynamics. Outside of extreme cases, do children actually pose a threat to their parents? Or is it the other way around? Parents can lock a child in a room, yell at them, corner them, physically overpower them, control their environment, their finances, their relationships, even until three, two, one, even until, even until three, two, one, even into adulthood, that dynamic can linger. And I've noticed this, there is often a lack of self-reflection from those in power. And it makes sense because the power dynamic was never naturally equal. It only becomes more balanced when parents intentionally respect their children's autonomy. And I've seen both sides. I've seen incredible parents who take accountability, who repair, who grow. And then I've seen parents who deflect, who blame and never look inward. And the difference is everything. Three, two, one section six, first recording. When it comes to larger systems like the government, we The American people hold a lot of power in the world, more than we often acknowledge. And that power comes fear, because history shows us when systems fail, those on top often are the first to go. I understand the fear. Fear doesn't exploit it. It just explains it. And when it comes to racism, this took me time to understand. I couldn't relate to the idea of harming someone just because I could. And that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Power doesn't always look like individual cruelty. Sometimes it looks like systems, silence, eros, erosher. Erosure, Erosure, Erosure. I think it's Erosure. Sometimes it looks like systems silence Erosure, Erosure. Sometimes it looks like system silence Erosure. Even if white people are not globally minor three, two, one, even if white people are not the global majority in many systems, we still hold the majority power. When you don't see something, it's easy to believe it's not a problem. History tells a different story. For me, the responsibility in these cases is simple. Listen more, have compassion and stay present. Ignoring it doesn't make it disappear. The same applies to mental health. People who struggle are often dismissed labeled as too much overreactive, dramatic. And yes, sometimes people misinterpret situations. Sometimes their reactions can come from real pain, from trauma, neurodiversion. Three, two, one. from trauma, neurodiversity, experience we don't fully understand. And instead of asking why we label and labeling as a form of power too. Religious spaces are also another place where power shuts. It's three, two, one. Religious spaces. Let's try that again. Space, the final frontier. Religious spaces are often places where power show up. Not always, often enough to matter. When beliefs become something that cannot be questioned, that's no longer faith, that's control. And indoctrination is defined as teaching someone to accept beliefs uncritically. That's where the line gets crossed. You are allowed to have your beliefs. You cannot force them onto other people. The moment beliefs become enforced, it becomes a misuse of power. All right. End of section. Six, we're gonna record it one more time. So that was the first recording for section six. This is the second recording for section. Why does it sound like sex? Sex six. When it comes to larger systems like government, we the American people holds a lot of power, more than we often acknowledge and that power comes with fear. History shows us when systems fail, those on top often are the first to go. I understand that fear. Fear doesn't justify exploitation though. It just explains it. Three, two, one. It explains it though. When it comes to racism, this took me time to understand. And the reason is cause I couldn't relate to the idea of harming someone else because I could or because of the color of their skin. However, that doesn't mean it's not happening. Power doesn't always look like individual cruelty. Sometimes it looks like systems, silence, erosher, erosher. Sometimes it looks like systems, silence, erosher. Even if people are three, two, even if people three, two, one, even if white people are not global majority in many systems, we still hold majority of power. And when you don't see something, it's easier to believe it's not a problem. History tells a different story for me. 3, 2, 1. It's easy to believe it's not a problem, but we're ignoring our history when we commit to not believing it. And history tells a different story. For me, the responsibility I'm trying to do is simple. Listen more, have compassion and stay present in spaces I may not understand because ignoring it is not making it disappear. The same applies to mental health. People who struggle are often dismissed, labeled as too much, overreactive, dramatic, and yes, sometimes people misinterpret situations. And at the same time, their reactions can come from real pain, from trauma, neurodiversity, experiences they or we don't fully understand. And instead of asking why, we label. And labeling is a form of power too. And it can be dismissive. religious spaces are another place where power shows up, not always, but often to matter. three, two, one, but often enough to matter. When p three, two, one, when belief becomes something that cannot be questioned, that's no longer faith. That's control. And doctor nation is defined as teaching someone to accept beliefs uncritically. And that's where the line is getting crossed. You're allowed to have your belief. You cannot force other people to believe them too. Because the moment a belief becomes enforced, it has become a misuse of power. Now to section seven, first recording. my own life, three, two, one. In my own life, I had a three, two, one. In my own life, I've had to reflect on where I hold power. In my home with my kids, I have a lot of influence. In my extended family dynamics, not as much. At work, I have influence on how my clients see themselves, see themselves. I have three, two, one. At work, I have influence over how my clients see themselves and how parents view their own parenting. That's something I have to take seriously because I don't only three, two, one, because I haven't always been aware of my own power. And that's when I've made mistakes. There are moments I still think about, for instance, where I punished my nephew by taking his trip to the zoo, something he was really excited about because he changed his mind about staying the night. Meaning he was at my house and he decided, you know what? I'm going to the zoo tomorrow. I don't want to be at your house. And it was getting really late. He was a kid. He was only two. He was excited and he was overwhelmed by that excitement. And instead of seeing that, I took it personally and I made a power move and I didn't even realize what I was doing. And that's the hard part about power. Sometimes you don't realize you have it until you've already misused it. There are moments I regret, times I didn't advocate for kids in my life the way I should have, times I stayed quiet. When I should have spoken up, I have changed and I'm still changing because they genuinely believe most people are trying to do harm to others. They're going with what they know. Change requires letting go of something though. And often it's something that something is control. And often that something is control that feels vulnerable because it is, but power is really three, two, one. If power really does reveal who we are, then maybe the goal isn't avoiding power. Maybe it's three, two, one. Maybe it's to become more aware of what it brings out in us to lead better, to listen more, to create more equal footing where we can because power will always exist. The question is, what is it revealing about you? The question is, what is it revealing about you? All right, so this is the end of section seven. First recording, we are going to go back and record again. Yeah, let's go back. Section six. Where did seven go? No, there it is. Section seven recording six. In my own life, I had to reflect on where I hold power. In my home with my kids, I have a lot of influence. In extended family dynamics, not so much. At work, I have influence over how my clients see themselves and how parents view their own parenting. That's something I have to take seriously because I haven't always been aware of my power. There was a moment I still think about when I punished my nephew. He was two. He was sleeping over at my house, but he knew he was going to the zoo the next day. And instead of going to sleep, he just kept saying, we go to the zoo, we go to the zoo, we go to the zoo. And he just wanted to go home because he wanted to go to the zoo. And in the middle of the night... I finally just caved in, which honestly, when he asked the third time, I probably should have just taken him home. And instead of just seeing that He's just being a kid. I took it personally. I made a power move. decided, and I made a power move and I didn't even realize what I was doing. And that's the hard part about power. Sometimes you don't realize what you have it. Three, two, let's go back. There was a moment I still think about where I punished my nephew by taking away this trip to the zoo. Something he was really excited about because he changed his mind about staying the night kept asking. I want to go home. want to go home because he was just wanting to go to the zoo. I don't think he understood that no matter what you're going to sleep and then you have to the zoo tomorrow. So I took it personally because I was tired. I felt unwanted when in reality, he was just so overwhelmed with excitement. was only two. And instead of seeing that perfectly clearly, a two year old found out he's going to the zoo, his favorite place. Of course, he's not going to want to sleep at his aunt's house. He just wants to go home. And I didn't see that. I just took it personally and I made a power move and I didn't even realize I was doing it. And that's the hard part about power. Sometimes you don't realize you have it until you've already misused it. There are moments I regret, times I didn't advocate for the kids in my life the way I should have, times I stayed quiet when I should have spoken up. However, I've changed. I'm still changing, but I've changed. I genuinely believe most people aren't trying to harm others. I think they just don't know what they're doing. Change requires letting go of something though. 321 because I genuinely believe most people aren't trying to harm others. just going with what they know. But change requires letting go of something and often that something is control and that feels vulnerable because it is power really reveals who we are. 321 if power reveals who we really are, then maybe the goal isn't to avoid power. Maybe it's to become more aware of what it brings out in us. Maybe we want to lead better, to listen more and to create equal footing where we can. Because power will always exist. The question I'm wrestling is with the question I'm wrestling with is what is it revealing about me? What is it revealing about you? Back to the question. If power 321, is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? I don't think power 321, I don't think power creates something new in us. I think it reveals what was already there without the same consequences holding it back. Power doesn't suddenly make someone controlling it, gives them freedom to control. It doesn't create cruelty. It removes the barriers that we're keeping it hidden. I also don't think that means we're stuck because if power can amplify the harmful parts of us, it can also amplify the good. It can amplify patience, accountability, compassion, self-awareness. The difference of those things, three, two, one. The differences is those things take intention. They take reflection. They take being willing to sit with the uncomfortable truth that maybe the problem isn't the power. It's what we do with it and who we are when we have it. Maybe power isn't just a test. Three, two, one. Maybe power isn't a test and it's not just in three, two, one. And it's not an amplifier. Maybe it's an opportunity to see ourselves clearly. and decide consciously who we want to be when no one can force us to be better. Three, two, one. End of first recording of section eight, going back for last recording of section eight. Back to the question. Is power, three, two, one. Back to the question. Is power a test of character or an amplifier of it? I don't think power creates something new in us. I think it reveals three, two, one. I think it reveals what we already three, two, one. I think it reveals what was already there without the same consequences holding it back. Power doesn't suddenly make something three, two, Power doesn't make three, two, one. Power doesn't suddenly make someone controlling. It gives them the freedom to control. It doesn't create cruelty. It removes the barriers that were keeping it hidden. I also don't think that means we're stuck. If power can amplify the harmful parts of us, it can also amplify the good. can amplify patience, accountability, compassion, self-awareness. The difference is those things take intention. They take reflection. They take being willing to sit with the uncomfortable truth that maybe the problem isn't the power. Maybe the problem, three, two, one. That takes being willing to sit with uncomfortable truth that maybe the power isn't the power. Three, two, one. They take being willing to sit with the uncomfortable truth that maybe the problem, maybe the problem isn't the power. It's what we do with it. Who we are when we have it. Maybe power isn't just a test. Maybe power isn't a test and it's not an amplifier. Maybe it's an opportunity to see ourselves clearly and to psych consciously who we want to be when no one can force us to be better. End of section eight. Thank you for listening to my rambles.